Cosmic Comedy
by Fayth85
Summary: Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender! T for language, sugestive situations.
1. Chapter 1

_**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**_

_**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**_

_**Chapter 1**_

_**#-#**_

* * *

This wasn't how I imagined I'd spend my day off. At all. But then, that wasn't really all that surprising given the circumstances. It was supposed to be a quiet relaxing day. The kids were by my mother-in-law, the wife had to work... everything was planned well in advance. I was supposed to kick back, relax, put up my feet.

Instead I got a call from my sister-in-law saying that she got into another fight with her worthless boyfriend – where did she even find these lowlifes? So I ended up having to put on my superman cape and 'flying' over there. Of course that led to me getting a speeding ticket. Which I fully intended to make her pay for! Hey, I love the girl (like a sister, keep your eye on the ball), but I was nobody's gopher.

When I got to her apartment, the front door was broken off its hinges. The mirror in the hallway was in pieces, blood leading deeper into the apartment. I followed the trail, and what do I find? Her son, holding his arm where a splinter of glass is sticking out!

I asked him what happened, but all he did is cry. He's in pain, of course he's crying! I asked him where his mother was – while taking him to the bathroom where the first aid kit usually was. Step one was of course to remove the splinter. Step two was making sure not only did I get out all of the glass, but that it was the only piece in there! I'd have to take him to the ER to make sure. Only God knew how long he was left like this in the first fucking place!

Seriously, where the fuck was that girl? Whatever. Best to just focus on the task at hand.

Anyway, a few basic steps later and I had one very upset four year old trying to explain me in very bad linguistics what happened. Still, he trusted me enough to talk at all – a good thing at this point.

"En mammie zei dat ie weg moest, want hij maakte haar zo boos. En hij wilde niet weg, hij zei dat hij van haar hield en dat hij boos zou worden als hij-" Yeah, did I forget to mention that her son – just like my kids – don't speak a word of English. Yeah. Bilingual bullshit, was still bullshit. Translation being that his mom told the BF to fuck off, he's been pissing on her parade. He wasn't happy with that arrangement and got pissed the fuck off. Yea.

Wonderful. Now where the fuck was she? I was missing Muppets do Manhattan.

"..." He suddenly went silent. He's looking right next to me, at someone in their eyes. He's not happy with what he sees. In fact, I know that look – he's scared.

"Ben jij die nieuwe nigger?" Was I the new nigger? Bitch I'm white as snow – just 'cause I married a nigger and bang the shit out of her on a regular basis didn't change that.

"Nee, de zwager. Waar is zij?" I explained that I was the brother-in-law, and had no fucking clue where she was.

"Je liegt tot je barst." No, dumb ass, I wouldn't be here if I was the new guy. What the fuck is your problem?

"Wat jij wil. Luister, als je niet weet waar die chickie is, ga ik met de joh van door. 't is niet veilig hier voor 'm." Maybe I should have asked his dumb ass if he spoke English. This was getting tedious! I hated speaking Dutch on my off days! It toke too much out of me.

"Pak je mie boi van me af?" Great, he thought that was a declaration of imminent kidnapping.

"Moet ik 'm soms hier laten dan?! Zo dat hij weer glass in z'n arm kan krijgen? Of zodat hij mischien door een buur meegenomen kan worden?" There ain't no way I was leaving my flesh and blood here, not with how this house fucking looked!

"Mie boi is mie probleem! Donder maar lekker op!" Your boy, your problem? What do you have the IQ of a goldfish? He's four, you've known him for four months. Do the math!

"Waar was je dan? Waarom moest ik gebeld worden?" Where the hell were you, when I was getting a frantic call? I ain't no fucking emergency services operator!

"Moet ik er soms wat van gaan maken?" No I didn't want no fucking problems, but that's why I told her ass to get a good boy to settle down with! Learn to fucking read before you come to me with your ignorant shit!

"Zoals het huis? Was dit een voorbeeld van 'wat van maken'?" I motioned to the carnage around me. The blood on the floor, the broken glass, doors... and whatever I haven't even gotten to see yet!

"Weet maar nooit." He shrugged in what some might consider 'bad boy style'. I just considered it stupid, and ignorant. Par for the course.

Yup. Then my nephew decideg he won't go to him when he's called. Definitely not my fucking day. The next thing I knew – and for no fucking reason I can figure out, don't need Google translate to figure out some shit went wrong – a gun was drawn, pointed... and popped.

Funny how you could remember all those survivor stories at that point. The people who said they never heard the shot, never knew they were hit until the adrenaline wore off. They're all full of shit.

I heard the shot. I felt the fucker hit me in the chest. I even remember telling my nephew to run. Right before I jabbed the scissors I had just used to apply the gauze – sorry, I was a Licensed Practitioner Nurse, I worked on professional cut cleaning – right into his jugular vein, severing it. Funny thing about those who learn to heal... we knew what can't be healed. Don't fuck with us, or ours.

Another few rounds go off, and I feel each and every one of them hit me. I couldn't give any less of a fuck – the first one punctured my left lung, I wasn't going to make it any fucking way. This just sped up the process.

Why wouldn't I make it? I mean, I'd seen people with worst get saved every day. Well, two things are against me, and both of them are time related. One, we're on the fifteenth floor, which means ambulance workers would have to get the fuck up here – which in itself is half the challenge seeing as there is always a delay in them getting called, then the delay in deploying... and the assessing the situation... blah de blah de blah. Then there's the simple fact that – this being the 'bad side of town' – the elevator wasn't working. That's fifteen floors they would have to WALK up to reach me.

Yup, with a lung puncture time was of the essence. And time was not on my side. Well, at least I was taking this fucktard with me. Hell, we might end up kicking the bucket at the same time. Shit, he don't deserve to see me leave. You die first, bitch!

Too bad I didn't get one last kiss from my daughter though. She's such a daddy's girl. And my boy, my son. He's going to be so smart when he grows up. I wonder what he'll want to be. A doctor? A race car driver? A soccer player? God, not a soccer player! I hate that fucking sport. Yup, he's going to be a soccer player. You always get what you hate most. Well, I do.

Was it getting dark? Nah... that's just the low oxygen to the brain fucking with me. Well, it was a good ride. Maybe I'd get lucky and get to keep an eye on the kids? Dunno. Not a whole lot of dead people like to tell me what they do in the afterlife – they prefer to talk shit about what they did in life, talk about fucked up priorities. I guess now's a good time to ask, right?

#-#

* * *

PEEP... PEEP... PEEP... PEEP... PEEP

I survived? Right... that happened in the ghetto. Guy gets shot five or six times in the chest, passes out and survives. Mm hm, hear about that every day.

PEEP... PEEP... PEEP... PEEP... PEEP

Well, that does sound like a heart monitor. Maybe the ambulance was already on the way? No, I would have heard them. Kind of a twist when you work in a hospital, your ears are trained to pick out the sound of an ambulance.

PEEP... PEEP...

That was fucking annoying! I wasn't dead, so turn that shit off!

PEEP!

FUCK YOU! I hated having to wake up to that shit! You have no idea how easy it is to fall asleep to it though... Umm, I didn't say that, and you sure as hell didn't hear it! Not from me. Nope. I knows nothing.

PEEP... PEEP... PEEP

I got the fucking point! Should I have just open my fucking eyes and turned that shit off myself? Nah, that would've just fill the room to the brim with assholes in white trying to 'save my life'. Fuck you, I had the right! I knew all those assholes. And I can say from personal experience that they are in fact assholes.

PEEP

You know what, I'd take my chances with the assholes. I opened my eyes – well, more like they just flung themselves open – and I was already disconnecting those bullshit plugs that nurses sooooo loved plugging their John Does with. Seriously, do you know the name of the last guy you hooked up to the works in an Intensive Care Unit? I don't.

Good thing I work Medium Care, huh? Well, worked, depending on how bad this shit is. I'd known quite a few colleagues who couldn't work no more because of one type of bullshit or another.

PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Ahh, music to my ears! This was where I usually step the fuck back and go back to my Medium Care department, where I didn't ever hear that heart stopping sound. Seriously, work ICU for twenty minutes and you hate that sound more than you hate your ex-wife calling you at two in the morning – not that I'd know. The ex-wife calling, not the hating the sound.

As predicted the room was filled with the white coats within seconds. All trying to assess the situation quicker than the person next to them.  
"Calm the fuck down!" I told them, still plugging out the bullshit I was strung up on. I hated these fucking things. But then, the only things I can claim to actually like, probably shouldn't be said in decent company. Like sex. I like sex. The only reason why I wanted kids – getting them is half the fun!  
"You... you're... how?"

"You asking me? I just got here." I joked. They were all staring at me, in varying degrees of wonder and awe. What was this, the Coma Unit? Not a fun place to work, most patients there counted their time like jailbirds (in my opinion). No one to talk to during your shift. Not fun.

"How are you-"

"If you want to ask me another question, it better be what I want to eat. Cause that's about all I know anything about right now. All I know is that I was shot, passed out and now am being herded by a bunch of top shelf white coats. The rest you guys will have to clue me in on." Wait a fucking minute... why am I not screaming out in pain? Shot in the chest, but no pain? I'm not even hooked up on...

I looked at the bags my IV was hooked up to. Nope, no drugs. All low percentage salt water. Well, that and another bag for food, but that just leaves you feeling hungrier. So I pulled that fucker outta my nose, wondering why I had to figure this shit out! That's what we pay ridiculously high insurance premiums to pay doctors for! Work, bitches. Work those overly evolved, highly amusing brains to figure this shit out yourselves!

Where the fuck was my whip when I needed it? DANCE PUPPETS!

Okay, you see that? That's an I'm-hungry-so-hurry-up-and-feed-me sign right there! See the sign, follow the sign. See the sign, follow the sign. "Um, people, food! Hungry!" Fuck. They're going to call in a nurse to fucking do that, weren't they? We're an under-appreciated lot. And often underpaid too! Don't think we didn't notice that shit!

They're just going to fucking stand there and stare. "NURSE! FOOD! PATIENT! HUNGRY!" Shit, I know the rules. Paying patient says they're hungry, you feed them!

"How can you even move?"

"Well, that's thanks to a complex nerve system that translates bio-electric signals from the brain into instruction for muscles, which then actuate a clench or release response in the muscle tissue. It takes a few years to figure it out, but after living as long as I have... I think I mastered that particular act. Don't you agree?" I could see a little mirth in one of their eyes, but the others were even more gob smacked now. "Didn't you learn that shit in one of your medical books? I'm sure you had to pick up on that little tidbit by now!" I was not playing medical comedian right now! That shit was cute when I was starting my shift, or ending it early. Not when you dipshits won't feed me! Shit, parrots at a local zoo get better treatment than this!

"ahhhhh..." Cat got your tongue?

"Look, as intellectually stimulating as this is – and personally gratifying – I am hungry. So either fill me in on what I missed, or call someone who can make sure I don't pass out from hunger." Hell, pointing me in the direction of the kitchen would be better than staring at me! I knew how dumb I looked in this dumb ass-gown you stuck me in! I made fun of people in it every fucking day! Well, not every day. I only worked five days a week, so technically they'd gotten two days off from my teasing them.

Not the point. Point is: feed the talking idiot, then ask him stupid questions. Keep the order in mind!

The one that was laughing – on the inside – got her gears running, and decided to go get something for me to eat. I hoped. Leave it to a woman to keep her wits about her. Anything that makes her get the food faster is good. Pro-choice! Women's rights! Ra ra ra! Run bitch run!

Was nothing sacred? No. Not really. God has a sense of humor, why shouldn't I? What you think he doesn't? The smarter of the sexes (females) are the most emotionally charged creatures under the sun. That is fucking hilarious! She can fuck you up so sweetly you'll be thanking her, until you actually understand.

"Ahh! Food! Bless you!" Standard shut up food: two slices of bread, one white one wheat. A slice of cheese, a slice of ham and some cold butter. Warm butter would be easier to work with, but it's unhygienic over longer periods of time. And I really watch way too fucking much discovery channel! STOP DISCOVERING!

I'll be here all week – if the penguins here have anything to say about it. "What's your name?"

"Why, was I robbed?" I grabbed the one slice of wheat, unpacked the cheese – because of course it is kept in a plastic wrap for hygiene. "You should have checked my ID while I was out. And judging from the fact that I don't see any holes in my chest, I'm guessing I was out for a few weeks at least."

"How much do you know?" Polly wanna cracker?

"Five or six entry wounds in the chest. Didn't turn around to count the exit wounds, sorry." I joked, again getting the mirthful look from the – what I assume to be, simply because she still had a personality – nurse. What? Stick your head up your ass long enough and you'll be talking shit too!

"Anything else?" Yeah, you're timing sucks.

"Punctured lung from the first and likely third entry. I'm guessing the last two or three snapped my ribs. Mmm, probably bruising to my left thumb from when I stabbed the asshole that shot me. And the smell of alcohol on my finger tips from disinfecting a splinter wound on my nephew. Probably pinpoint bruising on my finger tips from fishing out the broken splinter pieces in his arm too – like you would normally get from pressing against the back of a needle while sewing. Anything more than that and we're getting too personal for your ears. Unless you want to hear about the probable bullet to the heart. Which is why I doubted my survival altogether." Which was true, after my first assessment of time killing me.

"Who are you?" The woman asked, well her I'd answer straight, she earned that much – she fed me.

"Name's Aiden. Most peeps call me Aid. Stupid, yes. But not a lot of nurses in my personal circle of friends." I told her, getting a nod in response. "And you're..."

"Sakura." She smiled at me.

"That's a pretty name. Sakura, blossoming in the springtime. It fits." I smiled, offering one of the few compliments they would likely get out of me.

"Thanks." She blushed as pink as her hair. Um... okay. Must be a nurse, not a lot of people like to dye their hair pink. Especially not doctors.

"So anyway. Since we're playing twenty questions, how bout I take a turn as ask a few." Sakura nodded, obviously taking it upon herself to speak, since the other idiots are still staring in awe. It's just a fucking sandwich you dicks! "How long was I out?"

"We're not sure. You were unconscious when we found you, but bleeding pretty badly. We assume no more than an hour at that point. And it's been three months since." Not entirely unexpected.

"Okay, I can deal with that. What's with the 'holy shit, why are you alive' treatment? I figure you guys would have gotten over that since I didn't die." I thumbed the gaggle of idiots that seem to be regressing into premed state of mind – 'OMG, is that a patient? ' 'Will I be responsible for saving his life?'

"Well, it's more of a shock to hear you talking. Honestly, they were expecting something... different." She's choosing her words carefully. Did I grow a second head while I was sleeping?

"Why? Not a lot of cynical assholes with medical training around?" That got another giggle out of her. I like her. She feeds people.

"Something like that." She shrugged.

"Um, the thing about twenty questions is that you gotta answer the question. No dancing around it and pretending to answer it non-verbally." That seemed to kick start one of the white coats.

"Who are you?"

"Down Fido!" I joked. Go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. Asshole. Finally speaks up to sound like a gibbering idiot with no brain. Swear you were a doctor, or something. "Now why are you people so shocked about me? There is a logical reason and I want to hear it."

"Well, medical fluke aside, with you waking up from a coma and all... you sound much older than you look." Sakura finally pointed out.

"Wow, do I? Well, things could be worse. I could sound like doctor." I thumbed at the gaggle, who were still gawking. And getting on my fucking nerves worse than the Peeping from earlier. "So where the hell's the family then? Surely the wife's been haunting this place for me to wake up."

"..." Silence. Not good. Fuck, she didn't visit. I'm going to rip her a new one when I see her! Last time she was in the hospital they had to kick me the fuck out!

"Fine, no visitors. I get it. Then where am I? I don't recognize none of you, so I can't be in my hometown."

"You're in Konoha's hospital." Right. Too many dye jobs to cover the blondness? Wait... she's Asian. Asians aren't natural blondes. Well, the stereotype states there are no dumb Asians either. Oh well, every rule has an exception. She's lucky I liked her.

"Right... Konoha. Sure. Okay. So then where is the Hokage? Must be dying to talk to this mysterious stranger popping out of nowhere." Play along with the crazies and they'll think you're on their side. I've worked Psyche Wards before. Not fun, but dark humor goes a long way in that circle. I used to fit right in. Then I graduated, and I slipped right out. Poor things.

"Actually, yes. Tsunade-sama has been monitoring you herself for some time." You got it, you got it bad... where the hell is Usher when you need him? Hope he's not in the closet with R Kelly. Poor bastard. South Park knocked that ball outta the park. Anyway. You feed me, I entertain you. It's the law of the Nurse-Patient relationship.

"Cool, well I'm awake. Whenever she has to time to prize herself from her paperwork and booze, I'll be here. Unless the penguin brigade thinks I can leave sooner." I turned to the idiots, who were still just standing there – staring. Rude! And non-responsive. "Did you guys OD on paint thinner on the way to work?" Inside joke. Can't explain, it kills it. And killing is against the Medical staff code. Unless you are trying to kill us, in which case... you get the point.

No response. Shocking. Well, I'm not full, but not starving. I think I'll just shoo them from my pretty cage and stare out at the horizon or something. "Okay, fine. I'll stay! You don't have to twist my arm!" Still no response. "Sakura, could you get them outta here. They're getting on my nerves." She giggled, ushering out the gaggle of 'The Scream' wannabees. Fucking idiots.

#-#

* * *

Well, forever and a half later – or hours I've lost track of – and still no sign of 'Tsunade'. I guessed that just meant that I was playing host to a bunch of 'psychies', which was a nice way to call the psyche ward patients. There are not nice ways too, but I'll refrain. What? Work the field before you cast judgment!

Sakura came back a few times, bringing some food for me. Actual food! Rice, greens – I told her I was a vegetarian, so she treated me like a rabbit that could hold rice – and what she claims to be tofu. Not going to follow that tofu that looks just like fish or chicken routine. Thanks. I passed.

Then the sun started to set. Well, I had a horrible view – tree branches – so low lighting was my only real clue about that. Sucks to be me. "Hey, Sakura, where's the bathroom? I gotta wiz!" I tried being polite. I knew some Asian chicks didn't like to hear about guys going to pee. Again, Nurse-Patient relationship... She fed me.

"Let me show you." I hopped out of the bed, hot on her heels as she led me down the hall. She seemed tall for a Japanese. I wasn't not short, and she was heads taller! Weird.

She led me down the hall, to a door with a sign I didn't care to identify. She opened the door, swung it open for me, turned on the light and asked me if I'd be alright alone. All standard procedure, so I didn't chew her head off – I wanted her to feed me later! What? A guy's gotta eat! Just go easy on the 'tofu' next time, okay pumpkin?

Anyway, you guys know the procedure. Lift up gown to unleash the dragon and let 'er rip! Except things weren't working out quite the way I'd imagined. And we all know how bad things go when it doesn't go like I imagined it.

I felt urine running down my leg, not the nicest feeling in the world. But I'll live. What's more worrying is why I can't find the hose to out the damn fire! Well, the floor can be cleaned, and there's a shower right there to clean myself up...  
It had to get done anyway. I ditched the gown, tossing it somewhere behind me. Then I looked down, wondering if there was another injury I was unaware of... Kill me all you want, but Big John better fucking survive!

Yeah. Suicide hotline? This is an emergency.

I'd been through shit in my life. My sarcasm was your best clue to that – every asshole hid behind a well defined line of sarcasm for one reason or another. So, yes, I'd seen some shit. Having said that, I think I took this latest development quite well. I only screamed for a minute! Just one!

Why?

"YOU DECAPITATED ME! YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME INSTEAD!" Yup, Big John was gone. Only... when I saw Sakura rushing in to check on me... I looked in the full length mirror... which happened to be next to the door...

'Transsexual' came to mind – in transit between the sexes. This however... is the definition of every normal guy's worst nightmare! "I HAVE A FUCKING VAGINA!" Thankfully I passed out after that.

#-#

* * *

"Momma... say it was all a bad dream!" The bad thing about being me... I could feel myself waking up. Well, at least I wasn't waking up to PEEP PEEP PEEP. Fucking peeping tom piece of shit equipment.

"Good morning, Aiden. How'd you sleep?" I hoped that was just my wife, making some stupid ass joke by masking her voice, or using some kind of freaky voice altering program – not entirely unexpected from her.

"I had the weirdest dream." Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It's been twelve years since my last confession. "I got shot in the chest by Ami's boyfriend, then I woke up and Sakura was my private nurse." Please start laughing. Please start laughing. Why aren't you laughing. "And I had a vagina!" Still not laughing. Still not laughing. FUCK!

"And the problem with that is..." Fu~uuuuuck. I sighed, opening my eyes, trying to actually look around this time. Same stupid gown – still in the hospital. Same stupid white walls that no one understands other than the assholes that design hospitals. It's not like puce would be a better choice, but it's just fucking everywhere!

I got up, dragging this out as long as I could. I really didn't want to turn and see Tsunade sitting there watching me like I had a problem with her gender!

Kicking my legs off the bed, I sat up... almost literally facing the firing squad. There she was, in all her pissed off glory. Long blond hair in two pigtails I couldn't see from this angle. Tits big enough to feed the hungry infants of the world. Weird diamond shape right where her third eye would technically be.

Yup. "Fuck. My. Life." I muttered, rubbing my eyes, hoping the world was just blurry and my mind was filling in the blanks. I opened my eyes again, and lo and behold... Tsunade was still sitting there, staring at me like I pissed her off... or owed her money – which isn't likely to be true.

"You have quite the vocabulary for a young lady." Arms crossed under her breast, legs crossed and tucked to the left. Yup. Closed and not going to give answers easily. This'll be fun!

"I need a _drink_." I muttered. I'm not usually one for alcohol, unless it's to sterilize something... but the situation calls to get roaring drunk and forget any of this ever fucking happened!

"And an alcoholic. You kids start young."

"I hate getting drunk, but if you wake up tomorrow with a dick where your clit used to be... you might understand my mental state a bit better." That got her attention, medically if nothing else.

"And that would be possible... how?" Asking everything, giving nothing. Yup, a real blast. PARTY OVER HERE!

"When I have the basics of the space-time continuum under my belt, I'll entertain your curiosity." I said, checking one last time if there really was a lack of penis between my legs. Yup. This'll be fun. We'll have a sleepover at my place, bring your dildo! "Cosmic comedy. That's what the fuck this is."

"Why do you say that?" Interrogation, wonderful. Hopefully this isn't Ibiki in a transformation or something.

"Please refer to my jab at you waking up with a dick." I really don't have the mental capacity for this shit right now! "Look, I'll show my cards if you show yours."

"Thanks, but I'm not in the streaking mood."

"Oh, wow. A sense of humor. Thank you, God, for punishing me with this scene!" My voice was dripping with sarcasm, hopefully she picked up on that. Can never tell with some people. "I meant honest answers. There is too much shit I don't get here and if anyone can help me figure it out it's either you or a Nara... unless you have someone with fortune telling skills on deck."

A raised eyebrow was all I got. Wonderful.

"Look, point is I was shot before coming here. As far as my expertise can tell me, I shouldn't have survived. But more important than that, I was a thirty year old male when I was shot. Now unless there's been an experimental brain transplant operation that you green lighted, that means Heaven hates me and sent me here instead." Again, the medic in her flared up. She wanted to understand what the hell was going on, and I figured she could tell I was great with sarcasm, but a horrible liar.

"No operation, other than removing the odd pieces of metal from your ribcage and repairing the broken bone and tissue." That's not a lot, but more than I hoped to hear.

"Okay. So Heaven turned me down, got it." I rolled my eyes, honestly trying to figure out what the hell I did this time!

"You're not joking." She actually seemed surprised.

"You're a medic. How many coma patients wake up thinking they're the wrong gender, let alone a younger age than they remember?" None, that's how much! She didn't even have to answer me. "Look, don't trust me. I couldn't care less. But bring in Inoichi... or Aoba... or that guy with bandages on his head and check my memories. You won't find any memories of me seeing myself as female."

"I know, we checked. That was why the doctors were staring at you when you woke up."

"I knew some shit was up with that! Assholes!" FUCK! "I'm guessing you know more than you'd like to about what I know?"

"Something like that."

"The last time someone told me that, I later found out I was a chick. Care to dumb that down for me?" I guessed blatant honesty worked best on her, seeing as she was actually thinking about that.

"I'm intrigued with what you know. I don't understand it, but I am intrigued." She's still choosing her words carefully.

"Look, I've got nowhere else to go. So don't bet on me leaving town because you were honest to me about not trusting me. I'd prefer to know where the fuck I stand and you are the type to bring that across quite nicely. So level with me." Again, blatant honesty.

"You know things you shouldn't, that no one should. The source of that knowledge is unclear and to make matters worse, you are in possession of something that no one should have."

"Vaginas are illegal here?" I asked, in mocked worry. "Sorry, I'll be serious."

"You have a pathetically weak chakra coil network. Worse than a civilian." She said seriously.

"That hurts." I held my hand over my heart, blinking like I was holding back tears.

"And yet you are capable of using medical jutsu somehow." Her hands gripped her biceps slightly.

"And how the fuck is that possible? And how would you even know that? I don't even know that!" Where the fuck is that guy from Twilight Zone?

"Your medical knowledge is a fluke then?" She's all business again. I guess dropping her name so frugally earlier put her on high alert.

"They're called books. Every library in the world has them. You know what, this is going nowhere! You don't believe me, and I sure as hell don't blame you. But if you can scan my memories, you should know what I know." Then another thought hit me. "Besides, if my chakra coil system is so weak, why the fuck would you care? Oh, right. Gotta make sure I'm not some spy sent here to copy all your village secrets I have no fucking use for. And sell them to people who would sooner kill me than pay me. Makes perfect sense!" I was ranting. But in case you haven't noticed, that is perfectly normal for me. Especially given the circumstances.

After that I just clammed up. She had nothing more to ask, and I didn't trust my own (?) voice enough to speak. You know how guys would say that another guy is acting like a girl getting her first period... yeah, we don't like hearing that any more than the prospect of actually facing said period.

#-#

* * *

"You need to eat, Aiden." Sakura kept telling me. She'd been by to visit/monitor me every hour on the hour since Tsunade left. How fucking cute is this? I'd bet Naruto would give his left nut for this chance. Or maybe he wouldn't. Who knew what the boy was thinking half the damn time.

"Why?" Was the answer to her every question, and she knew it. Not a whole lot of will to live, in a man that just found out he's a ten year old girl. At all, in fact. I was being dead serious when I said to shoot me.

"Tsunade-sama isn't as mean as you think she is, you know." Right. Cause you are so much better.

I didn't even want to know why that time.

"She's just being cautious with someone no one knows anything about." Sure she is. She more than likely saw the bullshit in your future and is this close to freaking out.

"No she isn't, and you know it." Finally gave in. Hearing a never ending tirade of statements and questions reminded me too much of my wife... best to end that habit early in this relationship.

"Why would you say that?" Polite interrogation?

"Let me guess, your teacher asked you to talk to me and is keeping an ANBU stationed in here to monitor and report anything interesting?" Don't ask why I thought that. It's just something I would do. "Well, look, that's fine. Not like it matters. The fact is that I know everything and nothing at the same time. Everything you think is relevant, means nothing to me. Everything I think is relevant, means nothing to you. So we are all currently at an impasse. The only thing is, that I have no power to do anything about it." I crossed my arms, refusing to even look at that chicken 'substitute' in my plate – for the umpteenth time since it was placed in front of me.

"So, how can we help you then?" She asked, choosing her words carefully.

"I don't know." I said, shrugging. Hell, I tossed my hands up in surrender. There was nothing I understood at that moment in time.

"Why don't we start with what you do know, and work our way from there?" She offered. That sounded great in theory. Other than that I don't know which ANBU was there, and I didn't fucking trust people by definition.

"Sure! What don't we start with your bra size, and I'll figure out mine accordingly?" She clearly picked up on the sarcasm there, the tick mark that didn't appear told me as much. Maybe talking about breasts and bras to another female isn't considered taboo? I dunno, never had breasts to talk about.

"Not sure how that helps. But maybe we should start small. Like how old you are."

"Thirty." Not even batting an eye. See how well you cope with that answer.

"No, Aid, I mean the age you currently are." How old I really am?

"What is this, reprogramming 101?"

"No, but we can't let you out into the world if you answer that you are a thirty year old man stuck in a ten year old girl's body, now can we?" Well that ACTUALLY made sense.

"Fine. I'm ten."

"Good, now what's your name?"

"Aiden."

"Ah-ah, Tsunade-sama has come up with a _cover_ for you, to make up for her... behavior. Your name is Senju Ai." Great, I've just been adopted. Still, she said 'cover' a little funny...

"Fine. But then no cracks about the underdeveloped chakra system. Not befitting a Senju, now is it?" I crossed my arms, pouting. God I hope that didn't come over as cute and girly – it's something I did when I wanted to tease someone! Like small children!

"Have I made one?" Point.

"Fine. Name's Ai." I was mentally counting down to the 'act like a lady' bullshit I knew they'd hit me with eventually.

"Good. So you're ten, and named Ai. How about where you're from?" Loaded questions? Wonderful.

"Not around here, obviously. There'd be a paper trail for that. I'm from far, far away that I know enough about to pass, but not so much that I'd want to talk about it openly. My sarcasm will come in handy that way." She nodded at my assessment.

"You're from the Land of Bears. You were born there, which is why Tsunade knows you're her kin – she was the midwife to your mother."

"It's Tenzou in here, isn't it?" I asked, smirking when I sensed a gasp in the corner. "Yup, hey there! Don't worry, I can't prove a thing." The only ANBU I could say I trusted. But then, I didn't know most of them. Other than that purple haired chick. Yugao? Whatever. "Right. Land of Bears. Born and raised. Next." Things were going better than I hoped for! Tsunade must have been REALLY sorry. Or just fucking sympathetic seeming some of the trauma I went through. Oh well. Whatever cooked the rice.

"Good. Land of Bears, Ai, ten. Parents?" She asked. Is she making this up as she goes?

"Got me." I shrugged, eyeing her a bit closer. Something wasn't adding up...

"You were raised by two farmers."

"A redneck Senju. That'll work." I pointed out, testing her reaction. If she's winging it, she'll just go with my reaction. If not, it's actually a plan.

"Okay, raised on a farm." Not winging it. "The woman that raised you beat you."

"Not that hard to fake. And it would explain the wounds, wouldn't it?" Yup, they saw a bit too much. Nah... WAY too fucking much.

"Good, good. Now, just one last thing. You hate talking about your past. You live for today and look forward to tomorrow." She was smiling ear to ear, like she had won some kind of prize, or something.

"Fuck that! I ain't signing on to that bullshit! I am not a morning person!" How much was set in stone? Enough to overrule my complaint?

"Repeat after me, and we can start signing you into the Academy and start making some nice friends." She is wearing a patient smile that makes me want to smack her.

"Set in stone. Got it. I hate talking about my past, brings up bad memories. I live for today and look forward to tomorrow." I really need to talk to Tsunade about that shit! Seriously! One day at a time? This isn't an AA meeting! I'm not in rehab!

#-#

* * *

I chose now to remember I hated school? Well, primary school at least. Now that I was facing Iruka's class, staring right at Konohamaru, Moegi and Udon... and Hanabi? She was in his class? Prissy little doll, that one.

Did I have ADD or something?

"Good morning, my name is Ai. I'm not from around here, so I probably don't care about half the crap you talk about. I'm friendly to anyone who feeds me, and I am not afraid to break your arm if you try stupid shit. Questions?" Great way to share! Now keep your applause to yourself.

"What's your family name, Ai?" Iruka asked, a bit put out by my language but unsure how to deal with me just yet. Should I call him sensei? Hm, no harm, no foul.

"Senju." Well that got the buzz started. Gotta remember to be nice to Tsunade for that little leg up in the world.

"As in Senju clan, Senju?" One boy asked. No clue who he was, so he's not important. Was he wearing a helmet?

"None of your business. Should you be any more curious, you can ask Hokage-sama for more details. Now, keep your autograph requests to yourself, 'cause I am not that type. Sensei, where can I sit?" He smiled at me, nodding to the spot next to Moegi. Which also happened to be next to Hanabi. Great.

"Thank you." I went to my new seat, greeted both girls politely and simply waited for the lecture to begin.

Which was about history. An actually interesting subject for me. It was like Discovery Channel meets Naruto! Gotta love that!

Still it wasn't that interesting after the first ten minutes, but I learned some interesting facts that I could never use! Trivia night at my place!

#-#

* * *

Break time. The exact time slot I hated about primary school. Moegi quickly excused herself, saying she was going to play with Konohamaru – which was to be expected. What was not to be expected, was Hanabi asking me to sit with her for lunch. Something I didn't pack – shocking, seeing that Sakura actually meant that I would sign in for school, and I started immediately.

Well, nothing to lose, I guess. I was never a Hanabi fan, but maybe she has enough Hinata in her to gloss her over.

"An interesting subject, history." She's grasping for straws.

"Quite. I thought he dragged it on a bit longer than he should have, but he got the point across." I helped as best I could. I'm not used to the prim and proper, but I guess she could help me not piss off the head of the clan... right?

"True. So tell, me Ai, do you like it here?" Straws?

"I don't know. I don't know anyone, or anything. I'm just... floating with the river right now. And it sucks." I couldn't help myself, that last bit of slang just flipped out! I could only be so philosophical!

She giggled. "I'll bet. I don't want to pry into your reasons, but if you want to talk... I'm here, okay?" She really was Hinata's little sister!

"Thanks." WRRRR! shit... "Sorry... didn't grab my bento on the way out the door." That was embarrassing! No wonder girls hated it! Wait, did I just think that?

"That's okay, I made too much anyway. You want some?" She offered.

"That is sooo sweet... but I'm a vegetarian... Kinda hard to separate the... food... after mixing." WRRRRRRRR! "But, I can make an exception, this once!" I _HEARD _YOU THE **FIRST** TIME!

We sat down, eating her food – which was surprisingly well prepared. It turned out that Sakura was serious about the tofu jab... Hanabi had the same stuff and swore it was not dead animal – yes, I asked it like that. You can never be too sure!

I can honestly say that... for the first time... I was looking forward to school again. Weird how that worked.

#-#

* * *

Once school let out, I saw Sakura waiting for me. Strange... I could almost sense that 'Cat' ANBU, who shall henceforth be nameless other than Cat... *COUGH*tenzou*COUGH*

I really was weird. "See you tomorrow, Hanabi!" I waved at my new friend, wondering that I would use that tag so freely with her. Well, she was waving back, already walking away with another white eyed guy. I guessed that was Kou, but I couldn't be sure. He didn't introduce himself.

"Hey Sakura, how was work?" I asked, trying to be polite. What? If I was stuck as a chick, I might as well play the fucking part! I'd just be the psycho on the inside, lady on the outside kind of chick that seemed to fit so well in this generation...

"I wouldn't know, I have to work the night shift." She laughed, then asked how my first day was.

"Weird. Learning things that never would have made much sense. Did you know that Konoha was actually the village of the Senju clan, and that they invited dozens of clans to join their ranks before the Land of Fire was officially formed?" There'd better be some kind of Trivial Pursuit game in this village!

"Yes, but I haven't thought about it much since graduation. It's not exactly-"

"Something that you need to know for the rest of your life. I know. But I'm good at remembering little details no one else cares about!" I griped. Well, some things never changed. Even though your gender just might. Fucking weird!

"Well, it comes in handy. So, we're off to your new home. Try to remember everything you can about the route there, and we'll see if you can remember the way when you go to the Academy tomorrow, okay?" Got it, learning experience. It'd help to record more useless bullshit onto a hard drive already full beyond capacity.

"Roger." I saluted, smirking inwardly when she blanched. I was sooo looking up Gai and Lee to mess with people!

We took a left, crossed a park, over a bridge, shimmied by the blacksmith... through a shopping street and passed the Hokage Tower. Through another shopping street – this one was filled with female clothing stores. You can always tell the gender the store caters to by what is clearly visible from the outside. After that, we took a left passed the drugstore and into what I could only guess to be an archway.

"Let me guess... Senju District?" Sakura seemed surprised at my knowledge. It really was a guess. She should have been paying better attention.

"Yes. Shizune should be in the main house waiting on you." She motioned me ahead. I just rolled my eyes, staying put. "You know the way?"

"No, I was actually guessing." I told her honestly. Smart people... real smart. She was gracious enough to lead the rest of the way, up to a large house. "Thank, you Sakura. I really appreciate it." Maybe I should just stick to the biting sarcasm everyone already expected of me.

"No problem. I'll see you soon, okay?" She left, questions in her eyes. So many questions. I fucking hate those psychology classes right now!

I walked up to the door, wondering if I should take my shoes off or not. I just knocked, amazed that a tallish woman with short black hair opened the door.

"Welcome, Ai." She smiled, but clearly didn't mean it. I shut the door, hoping to get the worst out of the way quickly.

"Cut the crap, Shizune. You know you don't like me, and I have no intention of pretending you do." I glared at her, wondering why I seemed to make a point of pissing people off. "I am playing along with a written script, so please allow some kind of leeway for me to actually get pissed off from time to time, **okay**?" Her eyes softened. I just sighed. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault, I just..." I sighed again. I never was any good at airing my emotions. Frustration, yes... emotion... jury's still out on that one.

"No, I'm sorry. I guess I didn't see this from your perspective. Please, let me show you to your room." She walked ahead, still holding Tonton. I never did like that pig for some reason. Just don't ask why. Not a pig fan, I guess.

She walked up a flight of stairs, opening a door at the end of the hall. "This is your room. It isn't much, but it has everything you need. The bathroom is right across the hall from you, and the kitchen and living room are downstairs." She's grasping at straws too. Why couldn't people just come out and say what the fuck was on their mind?

"Thanks." She nodded, turning to leave. "Shizune?" She turned to face me again. Her eyes were asking what I needed, not what I wanted. "What's it like, growing up in Konoha?"

#-#

* * *

There I was. In a stranger's land. In a stranger's house. Wow. To think I actually missed my home. Well, my kids – that went without saying. But I meant more... the grocer down the street. The idiots who always hung out on the block. The... going from store to store, studying their prices and aiming for only the best deals.

Home was not just the four walls that made up your house... it's the environment in which you find yourself at ease. And this place wasn't it.

I'd been laying there, staring at the ceiling for God knew how long. And all I could think about was that the ceiling I was used to had a patch I enjoyed staring at. Right next to the light fixture. Weird what you miss, isn't it?

I'd been half expecting Tsunade to come here soon, to lay down the law. Kind of a regular thing with your family. It's what I would have done. Hell, I wouldn't mind, so long as I could actually ask her some questions. I had lot of questions. Always did. Questions like... why she adopted me. What she expected of me. What she knew, and how much more did she want to know. Was I family, or was this just a friendly way of saying, 'you're stuck with me, live with it'. Was I a security risk to Konoha, or was I actually someone she saw potential in? Could I ever go back home? Was there something she knew that she wasn't saying about my home? What did she (or whoever read my memories) see? Something that I would find embarrassing?

Question after question. My mind was a whirl with questions. And no one to ask them to.

Sure, Shizune was accommodating to my simpler questions, which were more of a way to let her get to know me... I guess. But... it's not the same. There were things I didn't understand that I couldn't ask just anyone, and unfortunately, Tsunade had a village to run.

I was half tempted to ask the ANBU that I knew was still watching me... but what would be the point? They had no real opinion... none that mattered to me anyway.  
I could go exploring the house, see what's there. But I wasn't even sure if there were 'off limits' rooms around that I really didn't need the headache trying to avoid without knowing.

So basically, my world was a bedroom with a closet full of space, a bathroom across the hall, which had one towel and a washrag. And no way of knowing anything I needed to know.

Wonderful. Just fucking wonderful. And where the hell was I in the storyline? Konohamaru's in the Academy and Tsunade's Hokage. That put me after the Sand-Sound invasion, but before bad shit happens. Wonderful. Should I stop things, change things? No point, Tsunade already knew. It's on her.

So what do I do? Do I train to become a shinobi – I'm working on considering myself a female, which is hard enough. Do I want to be a medical nin? Do I want something completely different this time around? Did I enjoy nursing that much?

I dunno. Too many questions. No one to help me sort them out.

And did I even like being called 'Ai'? Sounds like a drunken hello. I'm used to hearing 'Ai', as in 'hEY', and 'den' as in 'DONE'... or perhaps 'AID' and 'N'... depending on one's pronunciation. Now it's 'Ai' as in 'hI', or 'flY', or 'gUY'... or 'dIE'. Wonderful. And none of it was in my control. Just fucking wonderful. And I still haven't even heard what 'other' responsibilities came with the Senju name.

None of that is even scratching the surface of the unwritten female rules I suddenly needed to actually know and understand. Long walks at night were no longer an option – I didn't trust guys that much, and I preferred to not hate them. Would I have to use the girls bathroom at school? Weird! And the public baths? Fuck that! I knew better than to trust those perverts out there! Waaaaaait... I had to be on the lookout for perverts... wonderful.

What was it, flip a coin and see what gender we get? I called heads, but I got tails instead.

Would I even like it in Konoha? I never really 'liked' anywhere I'd lived – they were familiar, and therefore tolerable. But that was that. Would I LIKE Konoha?

So many questions.

#-#

* * *

I was able to lead the way to the Academy the next morning. Only taking a wrong turn twice – not bad for going the wrong way through the tour and not even knowing half the shit I could cross.

Shizune was the one to take me this time – Sakura was probably just falling asleep after the night shift. I thanked her, and asked if she would pick me up after school. She nodded, smiling an unsure smile as she waved me off. They weren't sure who they would piggy me with. Wonderful. There I was being a burden once again. Hey, at least I was swearing less. Right?

Tsunade never came to the house, though. I guessed I was just a relative worth guarding – or a secret scroll that could walk. One or the other. Who cared? I'd live – I hoped.

"Good morning, Hanabi." I waved at the now familiar Hyuuga. She waved back, parroting my greeting – other than the name. We filed into the classroom, and everyone was abuzz with the new kid – who was wearing the same clothes as she was yesterday. Yeah, that's what you get if no one takes me shopping for clothes. Or gives me money to do it my damn self.

Listen to me! Take me here, give me that. I sounded like a fucking child!

…

I hated my childhood.

"Good morning class." Iruka announced, who was greeted in turn. He told us what today's first lecture was going to be – basic chakra control – and he started handing out homework assignments to match it. We were to practice meditating within strict guidelines – preferably under supervision. Wonderful, more supervision.

He immediately earned himself an 'ignore card', which I fully intend to use...when there's a less important lecture.

#-#

* * *

Lunch came, but this time I just stayed in my seat. I hadn't eaten since Hanabi's shared bento yesterday. And I honestly wasn't that hungry. I just sighed, and lay my head on my arm – hoping to catch up on the sleep I'd missed during the night.

"Why aren't you outside with your classmates?" Iruka asked.

"Why aren't you?" I retorted. Stupid questions deserved stupider questions. Law of logic.

"That isn't very nice, Ai." I bristled at the name, curious when he didn't even notice that. He probably thought I just don't want to get in trouble.

"I'm sorry." I said. No emotion, no sorrow. Nothing. Just polite banter.

"No, you're not, but that's okay. You've been through a major change, and that's difficult." He had **no** idea. "But you need to see today for what it is, and try to enjoy the sunshine." Tree-hugger? I thought they died out when 'hippie' went out of style.

"If you say so." I shrugged, hoping to hear the end of it. In vain, which I kind of expected.

"Really, you should get out there. And make sure you eat something. You look thin and pale." Thanks. A real ego boost.

"I'll pass this time. But I'll keep your words in mind." Translation: fuck you, and have a nice day.

#-#

* * *

Once school let out, I noticed Sakura waiting for me. I was right, they were clueless who to piggy me with. I waved to her, after telling Hanabi farewell.

From one babysitter to another. "Weren't you wearing that yesterday?" She asked. No, _really_?

"If I say no, will it matter?" Goodbye proper, hello sarcasm. I've missed you.

"No, because I already know better. Why didn't-"

"I change? Into what? A towel? A washrag? Sheets from my bed?" Yup, she got the point: no one thought to ask. I felt so fucking welcome.

"Come on, we're going to see Tsunade-sama." Wonder-fucking-ful.

Yup, it was as bad as I expected. Sakura explained the situation, and I just stood there while she scrutinized me. What, was I lying? You assholes found me! You should know what I had and what I didn't.

"Please forgive my oversight." Tsunade said, way too fucking proper. That's a closet 'fuck you for coming'. I knew it well, I gave it a lot. I was handed a pouch with money – several thousand Ryou... however much that was.

"And I'm supposed to do what with this? How much is it even worth?" I asked, trying to sound inquisitive, instead of pissed off like I truly felt.

"It should be enough for a few outfits." She said. Wonderful, I'm in another fucking universe, and yet I'm stuck with the same type of bitch for a mother figure. I love my childhood now. Really I do.

"Gee, thanks. Is there some way to get a part time job somewhere. Because there is no way in hell I'm coming back for more of this bullshit." I told her plainly. She stiffened. Was it something I said?

"If you need something, just ask." She said, her eyes still held no warmth.

"A job. I've earned my way through life before, I see no reason to beg for shelter and clothing now." I offered the same 'warmth' I was given. "Or perhaps I should just start asking around in town. Thank you for your time." I turned to leave, with or without permission – I really didn't give a damn. I'd survived her type before.

"If that is what you wish, how about a job here? You could be-"

"Under your thumb? Pushed into a corner where I have no clearance for secrets I care nothing about? Thanks. I'd rather clean toilets in a cheap restaurant than have you do me any favors." With that I started to stroll out. No longer caring if I even knew the way 'home'. I was lost either way.

"Senju Ai, you do not walk away from me like that!" She slammed her hand on her desk.

"Don't I? Then how would you prefer I walk away?" I was already turning into a bitch... not even forty-eight (conscious) hours as a female, and I was the definition of what I hate about females. Thanks mom. You taught me well.

"What is your problem?" She demanded.

"I waited up all night for a chance to talk to you, to see what you wanted with me... to hear what rules applied to my behavior. I got tired of waiting." Her face fell, obviously not having thought of that. "Then, when I ask the two people closest to you what to expect six hours down the road, I get more questions. Or worse yet, clueless responses. You give me your last name, but no emotion that should come with 'family'. I'd rather just go back to being in a fucking coma than to live this life again!" There! I FUCKING SAID IT!

She just sat there. The same cold, calculating eyes fixed on me. The same cold, heartless demeanor that held more expectation than subsistence. If her hair was black, and her eyes a slightly darker brown. Well, they would be twins.

Yeah. Nice to see you too. I didn't even wait for her to say something this time, I just left. Those fucking eyes haunt me even now.

#-#

* * *

"What is your problem?" Sakura was the one to follow me. Wonderful. A full two minutes after I left. Yup, Sakura the gopher.

"Problems." I corrected. "As in plural. More than one. And either way, it's none of your fucking business."

"Why are you being such a bitch towards Tsunade-sama? You barely even know her!" Yup, there it is. The objective. It didn't matter what I said, it's only about the report going back to the head honcho.

"No, I don't. And tell me, can you, Shizune or Tsunade say you know me?" I actually waited to hear her actual response. Although it didn't matter, the answer was plain as day.

"How can we if you are so guarded." She crossed her arms, trying to act like she had the right to be upset with me.

"Guarded, huh? Is that your final answer? I'm too guarded? I get politely interrogated by person after person from the time my eyes open, and the only thing I get out of it is 'if you need something, ask'? Wow. Thanks. Been there, done that. Hated it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to find myself a job so that I don't have to hear how lazy and ungrateful I am for mooching off the humble Hokage's great generosity."

"Who are you really mad at, Ai?" Fuck. Here we go.

"People that you will never have the misfortune of meeting, who just happen to have far too much in common with your master." I walked off. Or I tried to, but Sakura was hot on my tail. And sadly, I was slow enough to never have a chance in hell of losing her if she really wants to follow me.

She grabbed my shoulders, spun me around and made sure I was looking her dead in her eyes. "Talk to me."

"Shinobi rule number twenty-two: A shinobi must never show emotion. Right?" I shot back, wondering why I decided to become a Kakashi.

"That's number twenty-five, and you are far from calling yourself a kunoichi." She wouldn't let me go, wouldn't let me walk way. "Now what is bothering you?"

"Maybe the better question is what isn't bothering me? How about ANBU taking eight hour shifts to monitor my every move?" Deflecting is an art that had to be mastered over the course of many years. Or just study a woman who blames you for everything. It made it easier to pick up on.

"Ai... I'm serious, what's wrong?" Her eyes softened. Fuck, I hated it when that happened. I never could say no to pouting lips and soft eyes. Using that as a distraction, she made her way even closer to me. Then... she hugged me. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not going to betray you. Please, just trust me."

"Trust you? Like you trust Sasuke?" She's at the hospital, so I guessed he'd already defected.

"What does he have to do with anything?" She's actually confused. Great, I was going to have the supreme displeasure of meeting the king of all pricks.

"Nothing. Now what do you want?" She pulled back a bit – not deterred, but no longer sure of herself either.

"I want to help you. Is that so hard to believe?" Her eyes were drooping, clearly either she's a good actress and is trying to play me, or she actually cares. Right, known me for two days, and she cared. Mm hmm.

"Yes. It is. Now will you let me go?" She's... considering it, if nothing else.

"No. I'm sorry, but I can't just give up because you want to be difficult." She's persistent, I'd give her that.

"Sure you can, just repeat after me and we'll sign you into the Academy so you can make some friends. Ai, you're a self centered bitch." When she remained silent, I motioned for her to actually say it. She still refused.

"What's wrong-"

"**EVERYTHING'S** wrong with me. Isn't that obvious? Why else would I be so fucking loved?" I shoved her, just as I felt her grip loosening. She fell on her backside – I made sure she wasn't hurt at least. And I just went off. God only knew where I was going. I guess 'Cat' would let me know when I'd overstepped my boundaries. Or not. He'd probably just report it and wash his hands of the whole thing.

#-#

* * *

Though I let myself get lost a few times, somehow I always ended back at the arch that signified the entrance to the Senju District. Funny how that worked – the place I wished to avoid is the place my feet led you to best. Unless, of course, I finally try to get there – that's different.

When I finally found my way back to the house, I found Tsunade there waiting for me. Wonderful. "Let's just get this out of the way then." I stood before her, eyes closed. I knew what was coming – and I knew even better that I actually deserved it this time.

"Very well. Let's have a seat." She must have motioned for me to follow, but it was hard to see with my eyes closed.

"Thanks, but I'll take it like a man." I stood firm, not showing any fear – even knowing her monstrous strength.

"Rule number one: no more public scenes. If you have something to say, we will arrange a peaceful environment in which to do so." What the hell was she doing? "Rule number two: you are not to discuss things pertaining to either Konoha as a whole, or the Senju clan to those that it does not concern." Why was she still talking? I had expected a bit more... I dunno... action? "Rule number three: I am not your mother, or whomever you believe me to personify. I am Senju Tsunade, and I am new at this. I will make mistakes, so please be patient with me."

That sapped the last of my anger. Even the frustration I had somehow managed to conjure up in getting lost by accident when the sun was starting to set. After that, it was keeping my eyes closed to hold back the tears... and not to not have to see the first blow coming.

"Rule number four: whatever else you may or may not be, you are now a young lady. I expect you to show emotion enough to remind me and yourself that you are human... and humane." Then she finally moved. I tensed, expecting the world to explode into pain – a sensation I got used to after a while.

"Rule number five: always tell me what is hurting you." My eyes shot open, wondering what was going on, just in time to-

"I'm sorry..." I blabbed, suddenly finding that I couldn't hold back the tears. Well, that... and that she's a snuggly hugger. I didn't know why... or how for that matter. But in that one moment I felt... warm. Not just from her body warmth... I mean warm... like hot chocolate on a cold day. Like a hot shower after being caught in the rain... like cuddling in your mother's bed during a thunderstorm. Or how I imagined that should actually feel...

That was why bottling up emotions makes sense – it's easier to deal with.

#-#

* * *

The next morning was... uncomfortable. I didn't do my homework – which wasn't that surprising actually, seeing as I didn't have the time. I still didn't have another change of clothes. And I smelled like an old gym sock.

Yeah. Not going to school like this! But then, how would I call in sick? I didn't know the phone number – or even know if there are phones at all! Whatever. I'd just wing it – it never failed before.

I went into the bathroom, carefully taking off my clothes – and wondering why I never paid attention to what I was wearing, seeing that I'd been wearing it three days straight. Short pants, a bit baggy – which I was grateful for. Plain t-shirt, also baggy. No bra – fuck, I was going to have to wear those fucking things! And underwear – is calling them panties when you wear them yourself okay? Didn't I know? I'd been married for ten fucking years! Normally whenever I talked about panties, it was about getting the wife out of them. Other than that, they were kinda... I dunno... there. So much shit to figure out.

New lease on life my ass! The payments hadn't changed a bit.

Whatever. I took off the last of my clothes, trying not to ogle myself. Sounded weird, yes... but guys like looking at naked girls! It's genetic, or something. However, thirty year old men shouldn't go looking at ten year old girls!

Only... which one was I? I still thought like a thirty year old man (or at least the man I was before this bullshit started)... but this body is a ten year old girl... Space-Time paradox number one: if a man's mind is warped into the body of a girl, what do you get? A man? A woman? 'Act like a lady, think like a man' my ass.

Too early for paradoxes. I needed to get clean, get new clothes and magically get my homework done in time for school. I had to pass through two shopping streets on the way, I could get stuff there. If I left early enough, I might have been able to do my homework in school.

#-#

* * *

Once out of the house, I was on my way to get some clothes. I was completely fucking clueless what to get, but I just needed something clean.

The first clothing store I saw, I entered. I asked the attendant what size she thought I would need for underwear – not in the mood for weird looks if I said 'panties' and it's unacceptable. Naturally, I needed a small – should have known. Raised as a fat boy... now I finally need a small, but in panties. Cosmic fucking comedy.

Well, I picked up a three pack of the simplest pair I saw in the pile – rather not get attached to a style, only to wake up back in my old body. After that, I simply guessed my pants and shirt size – basically grabbing something that caught my eye and tossing it on. Fuck it, if I was going to be a girl, I was at least going to be a tomboy. It'd save some pride!

I changed into the clothes, deciding to keep the laundry in the bag I would have put the new clothes into. Luckily, there was an envelope with money on the counter – and a bento packed for school. It wasn't anything fancy, just rice and curry tofu – the kind I actually recognized as tofu – but it would fill my belly. Well, that, and I actually could have breakfast before leaving! Anyway, point being, I paid for everything and dashed in the direction of the Academy.

Somehow I managed to make it there before the other students. Old habits were back to haunt me – both my insistence to be early to everything, and my virtual inability to sleep out.

I took my seat, spreading out my homework I still had to do. Some basic math – blazed through it. Some geography – didn't have half the answers. And the meditation exercise. Shit, forgot about that.

"At least I know you're doing your homework yourself." Iruka teased, noticing my already being in his class before he even showed up.

"Morning, sensei. Hey, since you're here, can you help me with the meditation exercise? I didn't have the time to do it yesterday." I made sure to leave out why, it was Senju business... right? Yeah!

"Ai, that was supposed to be done for next week." He told me, clearly put out by my not paying attention.

"Sensei, you didn't specify a time, so getting it done efficiently is best. Now can you help me?"

"Ai, again, you are missing the point. I gave the homework so that you can find your answers in my lectures throughout the week. If I help you, it would give you an unfair advantage over your classmates." He explained, completely misunderstanding my request.

"Sensei, I am not asking for special attention. I am asking you to supervise my homework, as per the instructions of said homework. I've never done this before, so I am not entirely sure what to expect. As such I am requesting a certified teacher to ensure that I do not do something wrong and hamper any hope of further development." Then a thought hit me. That was exactly what he meant. The lecture yesterday on chakra control, combined with the exercise... "So all I have to do is keep my intentions in check, and in theory I could never harm myself. Especially at this level. So the advice to practice under supervision was merely to weed out those who would be too scared to even try, whereas there is no actual risk involved. Only imagined burdens." He smiled, nodding.

"You're sharp enough to get it. Now tell me, what did you think about my lecture on the Senju clan's history?"

#-#

* * *

Another day, another... Ryou? That sounded soo weird. Still, something I need to get used to – might as well make a big ass list of shit I need to get used to.

Outside of the Academy, Sakura was once again waiting on me. A bit more subdued than the two previous days. "Hey." I greeted her, suddenly unsure how to act. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I guess... old ghosts haunt new victims best." Was there a saying like that? Well fuck it, there is one now!

She seemed to pep up a bit, meeting my eyes. "Are you okay now then?" More 'are you okay's?

"No. And I won't be for a long time..." I said honestly. "but I'm taking little steps to get there."

She nodded, seeming to accept that logic. What's not to accept? It's the truth. "You got more boy's clothes?" She's making fun of my wardrobe now? I just rolled my eyes.

"I needed something to wear. And I need to figure out how the hell to wash clothes here." List, list, list. Things I hated about my wife's nagging were suddenly fucking useful. I was going to burn in hell for choosing now to listen to her – I just knew it.

"Come on, let's go get you some actual clothes to wear." The pinkette grabbed my hand, tugging me in a direction I hadn't explored yet. So much village left untouched.

For the first time since arriving here – however the hell it happened – I started wondering if this was a new beginning. Or was it just a painful repetition of an already familiar path.

**End Chapter 1**

**#-#**

* * *

_**A/N: I honestly have no idea where this story even came from! I was working on a chapter for A Promise Worth Keeping, and the next thing I know I'm hit with this one! Seriously, WTF!**_

_**At any rate, I hope you enjoyed the first installment of Cosmic Comedy!**_

_**A special thanks to Elivira and Setokaiva, my Betas. Without them none of this would be possible (^-^)**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**

**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**

**Chapter 2**

* * *

Seriously, is this the best I can come up with? I looked in the mirror again, wondering when I lost my mind... and if I would ever find it. A miniskirt, tank top and slippers? What the fuck is wrong with me? Wearing a skirt?

"Sakura-saaaaaaaan! This is weird!" At least she hasn't given anything pink to wear! She pulled the privacy curtain open, tossing even more clothes at me.

"No it isn't. Now stop complaining and try to keep up!" She then looked at me. "And what are you wearing?"

"Clothes. The ones you threw at me last round." I deadpanned, wondering why she's watching me weird. "Do I look that bad in a skirt?" I mean, yeah. It's weird as pregnant puppies... but girls wears skirts. I know that much!

"Yeah, but-" Fuck I have bad legs for skirts? I remember hearing my sister-in-law complain that she didn't have the legs for anything short. Was that it? Was I doomed before I even began? And who fucking cares? I could just wear long pants and be done with the whole melodrama. "they don't match?" huh?

I looked at myself in the mirror. Red skirt – fucking weird, but fine. Blue top, showing way too fucking much! I don't want to look gay! And slippers? I like sneakers, thank you very fucking much! "What?"

"Hold on, let's try this." She stepped in, closing the curtain behind her. Great, now I'm gonna do a fucking strip tease for her! Wonderful. "Try to stick to colors that work together, like... pink and red." She indicated her own outfit. Right. Pink can die.

"Pink is not an option." I told her plainly.

"It was an example. And what's wrong with pink?"

"On you? Nothing. On me? Everything! World of a difference. Think, tomboy meets biker chick." So long as the leather is not in the equation, or some biker dude trying to hit on me. That is always weird.

"Don't make me call for back up." Fuck. Ino.

"I'll be good." The last thing I want is Ino trying to dress me up. That chick is out there!

She started unzipping the skirt I had on, already telling me to take off the top. Fuck, there goes the comfort zone. I was glad to kick off the slippers at least.

But that pretty much left me in just the underwear. And I dunno if you know this or not... but a flat chested girl in her underwear, isn't that different from a guy in his. And this is basically me – thirty year old, father of two – standing there in my fucking underwear with a twelve, maybe thirteen year old hovering over me, getting WAY too close! Fuck personal bubble, this is skin to skin!

I wasn't sure if I was going to hyperventilate, or orgasm. Both seemed in the realm of possibility at the moment. "Um, Sakura, this is a bit... awkward." God I hope I'm not blushing.

"What are you talking about? Come on, try this on!" She gave me a pants, already filtering through the shirts for a match. I was happy to put them on! Seriously, adding clothes was a gift from heaven at that point! I just hope she doesn't try to... Shit, I just touched her tit! It wasn't on purpose I swear!

I closed my eyes, fearing for my safety. "If you keep wasting time, I really will start looking for Ino to help me!" Umm... okay? Hurry, I can do that!

So long as I live to tell the tale, I can jump and touch the sky! I pulled on the pants with a practiced ease which I frankly do not associate with females getting dressed. Girls take forever to get dressed – not something I, or any guy I know, is even capable of.

"We need to start you on some trainee bras as well. I can tell you're not far off." She said. Wait? I get my own pair to play with night and day? FUCK YEAH!

Wait! NOOOOO! They won't be mine! They're a ten year old girl's breast! Fuck! Ethics, you bastard! I fucking hate this...

Sakura disappeared before I even knew what was going on, and was back with three pairs of bras for me to put on. Wonderful. Well, this part I know at least. I took the bra off the hanger, flipped it to the right side, worked the catch while it was backwards and shimmied it around and stuck my arms through the shoulder straps. I've seen this item put on more times that I can count. I know it well enough. I've dressed enough women during my time nursing – I started out in a nursing home.

"That went well, now to just adjust it." She touched the bra here, shifted it there. I like this touchy feely stuff! It's nice! Fuck, no! Evil. Thought. Perish!

Then Sakura wrapped her arms around me, pulling me to her. It took all my will power not to kiss her right there! Does she know I'm a guy? Doubt it, she thinks I'm her long lost little sister, or some such bullshit.

Fuck you karma!

"Feel good?" She asked. Better than you think. "Is is tight?" Not sure yet, give me a second and I'll check. It should be though. "Ai! Bra. Tight?" huh?

"Uh, no. It's fine." I wouldn't know, it could be cutting off circulation to my brain and I wouldn't notice.

"Look, let me show you the value of this! You won't appreciate it otherwise." She started taking off her top. Well, if you want to get down to it, I can work you into my schedule.

Fuck. EVIL THOUGHTS! NOOOOO!

Before I could even hope to come up with a good excuse, Sakura was standing there fiddling with her bra. Who would have thought her breasts were so pert and succulent? And those long legs of hers... it's not helping that her pants are skin tight... but the way her twins are jiggling with every motion... and the fact that she's actually toying with her bra to show me something, literally giving me permission to study her breasts up close and personal! All I need to her to tell me to grab them, and I can die happy.

"Alright, the straps are too loose. You see how they sag like this?" Yes, I see them. She grabbed her tits and jiggled them up and down a bit. "This is bad for your back, and can give you trouble in the long run. This is what we want to avoid, okay?" I nodded, still studying how her hands are holding her hooters – mini, but hooters none the less – in place. She started fiddling with her bra again, sending ripple after ripple through the meat and flesh of those orbs of the gods!

She must have noticed my staring, which was actually what she said she wanted me to do, because she blushed a bit. Eventually, she was satisfied with her bra settings, and tried to jiggle her bouncy balls again. "See the difference? They bounce less." And they really did bounce less. It was fascinating. "This is better for your back, and helps to make sure they don't sag."

Saggy, granny titties are evil! We'll fight them together! God, is it wrong that I wanna grab her melons just to see if they like being touched? "Are you listening?"

"Yeah, got it. Saggy, bad. Bouncy, bad. Firm, at attention, good."

"Close enough. You'll understand eventually. Just make sure it's not too tight here-" She ran a finger across the fabric just above her diaphragm. "here-" She then touched her shoulders where most of the weight of the strap would be, tracing it forward to the top of the widening of the bra. "and here." She turned around and showed the clasp of her bra. Three points to remember. Can we take it off now? "Keep that in mind, and if you let it get too tight, it could blister."

Fucking hell! Blisters aren't sexy! Not even remotely. Well, 'blisters' is my new safe word. Better remember it for the next cold shower scene I encounter... if my brain is even functioning.

* * *

We left the store with three full outfits for me. One for fighting, one casual and one... bleh, dress. Don't ask how she talked me into any of it. I'm just glad she didn't make good on the threat and call Ino. I doubt I would be able to not fondle the blond at least once.

At least I got me a pair of shinobi sandals, which are quite comfy. I should know, I'm wearing them right now. Good support for my ankles, flexible soles and not heavy to make it feel like I'm constantly having to drag my feet up from in the mud. I really wanna start bugging someone about teaching me something violent now! Just to work off my frustrations on something that isn't trying to teach me to ins and outs of female life.

Although if someone starts talking about that time of the month, they will suffice!

I need to move, to hit something, to risk getting hit! I need to talk to Gai! Tomorrow! Not today! That might just be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Still, I need to risk it! He who does not risk, is not rewarded. Besides, there is nothing more manly that being taught to break things and people!

"Sakura, do you know where I could find Lee and Gai?" I asked, trying not to study the lines that make up her wonder bra through her shirt. Fuck, look away! Look away!

"What? You mean on purpose?" Technically yes.

"Do you?" Without warning, a green blur entered my vision. I... think it was human. But then... a bowl cut... green spandex (I had mysteriously hoped it was just portrayed as such) and... really, really white teeth... ew.

"What youthful maiden seeks me out?" Fuck, he's as bad as I remember him being. And the glint off his teeth. It can't be a genjutsu, cause Lee does it too. Well, I made my bed, now karma demands I lay in it.

"Good day, Might Gai. I'm Senju Ai, I was hoping that you could help me bank the flames of youth through hard work and effort!" I pumped my fist, mentally adding that I really wanted to see Sakura in the showers. Fuck, Jiraiya would love me as one of his spies. No, Ero-sennin, bad. Gai... worse... um... hard work! Hard work, and no boobies: good! Besides, he's actually quite the timing expert. I can learn to appreciate that.

"My heart weeps tears of joy to hear such youthful words of one so delicate and-"

"Gai-sensei! We shouldn't waste the sunlight! It would be like letting our youth slip away without a fight!" I interrupted, knowing that he was going to drag me somewhere to train until I couldn't spell fucktastic.

* * *

You know how they say that hindsight is 20/20? They were right. This was a bad idea. No, the king of all bad ideas.

I couldn't feel my arms, I'm half certain I lost a leg back there... and my abs are on fire – the one thing I wish I couldn't feel right now! But... Gai-sensei really rocks for his patience with me!

Sure, I did some kickboxing forever and a half ago, but I had forgotten all of it. Well, my muscles did at least. But after warming up for two hours – yeah, that's just the warm up... what's the cool down? – I can honestly say I'm glad I forgot it!

He wasn't training me in any specific style as far as I knew, he kept saying to let Iruka train me so that I could build on a solid foundation. No, instead he was working on my stamina, strength and agility. I don't know half of what he made me do – sadly I can still spell fucktastic, so I'm halfway there – but I know I'm tired.

Too tired to talk... barely the energy to think.

"I am most impressed with you determination, Ai-chan. You almost remind me of my Lee." Rivers were overflowing from the tears running from his eyes.

"How's... Lee... doing?"

"Much better! Tsunade-sama successfully operated and repaired his battered and broken bones. He should be up and about any day now!" That means that Sasuke is leaving any day now. Well, good riddance.

"I'm... glad... will... visit... him... soon...!" How I got the energy for that last word is beyond me. But I'm glad I got it out. Lee's a good kid.  
I think I passed out after that though.

#-#

* * *

"... ai, what did you..." I heard someone chewing someone else out. I think I heard my name, not sure. A rather common sound... could have been part of another word. Who knows.

"she... to me... youth... youth... YOUTH!" I heard a sparkling sound. That would be Gai. Yup. No doubt. Too much youth, not enough sex in his life. Not that I'm going to help with that particular deed. Still, I can really appreciate his effort to make me not suuuuuhhhh... help me be a better shinobi! Yes, a stronger, more capable person the defend the Leaf from morons, snakes and snaky morons!

Yes, let's stick with that.

"If she starts babbling on about youth in this house I will hunt you down myself, do you hear me?" Why did I suddenly hear that so clearly? And more importantly, why would I talk like Gai?

"Of course, Tsunade-sama. But I must say, that girl has got spunk! Never once did she complain, no matter how many times I made her do something. She's got a will of steel." Not, 'most youthful'? Hmm, he must be serious then. Then again, Tsunade is probably one of the few that could knock him down a peg. One fight I would pay money to see.

"Mmm!" I complained, hoping they'd either realize I could hear them and go away, or just include me in the damn conversation.

I opened my eyes to see what was going on regardless. I was laying on my bed, in my room, staring up at the ceiling. The door was shut, but that didn't last long. Tsunade barked an order I couldn't fully comprehend, and Gai burst through the door, gushing at my 'youthfulness' and other bullshit he usually spouts.

"Thanks for bringing me home." He wasn't instructing me to do something, so I ignored every sentence with youth in it. So I have no idea what he was talking about.

"Of course! I couldn't very well leave you in the training field alone!" He's being too loud, but I understand his enthusiasm... I had a student that I taught much too as well. Very little compares to seeing them excel.

"Gai-_sensei_, could I bug you for more training tomorrow, after I visit Lee?" Tears were streaming down his face before he could blubber out an answer. And before Tsunade kicked him out of her house. I couldn't fight the giggle that escaped... though I wish I had.

#

"You, _enjoyed_ training with him?" Shizune asked, a bit put out.

"Once you filter his 'youthfulness' out, yes. He helped me regain control." I offered, knowing she wouldn't have a clue what I meant. Still, she nodded. "Besides, his heart needed someone. Lee can't train right now, and that is his heart string. He needed the distraction as much as I did." Thought of that after the fact, but it's still a valid reasoning.

"I'm glad to hear that, Ai. But please be careful, I don't want you to hurt yourself." Tsunade came in, saying those words. I almost didn't believe it was her.

"Tsunade, I'll be fine. Besides, I have a lot of ground to cover. And with you working the hospital, running the village, and battling paperwork daily, who else can I bug for that much one on one time?" I noticed Shizune looking hopeful. Like she was feeling left out. "Shizune, would you be willing to help me?"

Both women beamed at me, bright enough to rival the sun glinting off Gai's teeth – not a positive comparison to be made. Trust me.

"I would love to." She smiled a little brighter still.

"Perfect!" I wanted to jump up and down – wait a fucking minute! No, guys don't jump up and down! No. I nodded instead, trying to myself in.

"As well, Tsunade... is that offer for a desk job still available?" Okay, scratch that, Gai's smile has nothing on the one blondie's giving me! JEEZ! EYES! PAIN! PAIN! EYES! Make it stop!

#-#

* * *

The next morning something incredible happened – a pop quiz! I hate those damn things... but that wasn't what I was exited about. We were going to learn our first jutsu! Was it boring? Yes. Tedious? Fuck yeah! Did it frustrate me to the point of ripping out my hair? Yeah, almost.

But I was getting the hang of it! Luckily my attention to details that I didn't have to actively think about was put to good use, cause we were learning the transformation jutsu!

Why was that such a big thing? Because I got to see Konohamaru use the Sexy jutsu on Iruka! Twice! And you guessed it, he fainted both times.

One detail the show left out... was that there were no wisps of smoke. Well, at first, yes... but they poofed away real quick. So I got a good view of a very naked brunette blowing kisses to dolphin boy. The first time I was caught by surprise too, but I saw the signs the second time! And I got a damn good look. Too bad it was imperfect.

I've seen the female form in all its splendor too often to not see the glitches in his technique. I wasn't going to go point it out though. Nah, instead I looked around, trying to figure out who was reacting positively to it.

Moegi was upset. Every guy was ready to pass out – other than Iruka who did pass out. Then there was this quiet blond girl up front. She blushed, poked her fingers and looked away.

As well as another girl in the back who seemed intrigued in the technique. Her curls was damn nearly out of control, and the red ribbon in her hair did little to help that.

And... Hanabi? She was blushing way too deep for her own good. "like what you see?" I whispered quietly to her. She blushed deeper, earning a giggle from me. FUCK! Must not giggle! Giggling is girly! Not girly!

"no, it's crass." She eventually whispered back, but I knew better.

"relax, i won't tell a soul." I soothed, rubbing the back of her hand. She blushed deeper again, but nodded. "you know he's doing it wrong, right? the left cheek is sagging a bit more than the right. for a woman who looks to be in her early twenties that is all wrong."

"how would you know?" Hanabi asked, as everyone was laughing at Konohamaru getting punished – Sandaime's grandson or not.

"will explain later. wanna make a study date?" I asked, hoping I was catching a budding lesbian. If the girl was completely clueless and an unwilling partner, it was blasphemy. But if she understood and didn't mind... well I would reason away that I was being taken advantage of. I could live with that.

Wait! No! Um... More training! Much more!

Too late, Hanabi nodded. Was she blushing again?

#-#

* * *

After that we had gym. That meant sparring, throwing sharp objects and generally causing ruckus. I love it! But first, we had to change. Yeah, since it was our first gym class, no one expected it or knew when it would be. So we were allowed to change if we thought we needed to – this one time. Well, all the girls were heading for the changing room – where I was not only allowed to, but expected to go.

Score! Um... no! Buddha, baby Jesus... lambs... Wait a minute... it's not like there's going to be a tent in my pants! Ha ha! Double score!

We all went into the changing room – me being a bit more cautious than the rest. Well, let's just say that I had my reasons.

"hanabi... can you use your byakugan yet?" I asked, having this eerie feeling like we were being watched. She nodded, askance. "check over my left shoulder, i think someone's watching." She focused, activating her bloodline limit and was still. There was a look of concentration on her face – like she wasn't used to the strain yet.

"I see you, Samo!" Hanabi announced, which was immediately followed by the sound of someone hightailing it out of there.

"I say we kick his ass in a spar. It's legal." I pointed out, already cocking my fist. Everyone else agreed happily, then gave me my free tour of... frustration. Huh? When the hell did that happen?

Everyone was down to their undies, but I... well, I was unaffected. Majorly, completely unaffected. Sure there was still an intellectual curiosity as to what they looked like, but it seemed more force of habit. Fucking weird.

But it sadly made sense. Sex drive is defined by the level of testosterone in the blood – something that males produce tons of. Females however, produce little of it and often convert testosterone into estrogen. Furthermore, the easiest way to work off the testosterone in the blood, is via exercise. Which I did plenty of yesterday. Which means that the horny spell was sloughing off. That is weird, and yet scientifically sound.

I'm going to bug the hell outta Tsunade or Shizune to test that to be certain. Really, really certain. Cause this is starting to become a losing battle in the name of estrogen! And I don't like it! Correction, I fucking hate it!

But then, there was always testosterone supplements. Still, a chick with a mustache was not exactly worth it. Seriously, you want to see horniest of women, check the ones with facial hair! They can't break down the testosterone quick enough.

Which is something I can worry about in twenty years! If I'm even still here.

"I think from now on I'm coming to school already prepared to fight." Matsuri – the brunette with curls and the red ribbon in her hair – announced. Logic I couldn't argue with.

Then things got even stranger. Much stranger. I was starting to check out the other girls... but doing so to compare them to me. I still didn't mind seeing them in various states of undress, and I didn't get bugged out when I saw a few spying me from the corner of their eye either. It was like it was alright for girls to compare notes with other girls.

"Those are really cute." I turned to see the shy blond girl and another I didn't even recognize comparing notes on their panties. Neither minded, especially since they were all certain no one would dare sneak another peek. Not with Hanabi still in here. It was weird. Guys never do that! Ever! They never check out another guy's boxers, or briefs or jockey and say it was anything. Not even dirty – that means someone looked.

So being able to openly tell someone that their most private and sacred article of clothing was cute, while they were wearing said article... was something new. Weird in many ways, but new none the less.

"Couldn't get anything less... bland?" Hanabi brought me back from my musings, her eyes flicked South briefly.

She was right. The pair I was wearing was simple, white, no print... just a little baby blue bow to mark the front. The most basic pair in existence – other than granny panties. "Practical works for me." I shrugged, noticing that Hanabi was actually wearing a cute pair with red and pink hearts. "But you're right, yours are much cuter." She smiled, nodding at the compliment.

We all got dressed pretty quickly after that – everyone agreeing that the dirty blond named Samo was going down. Well, him and Konohamaru for that stupid jutsu – their words not mine. I thought it was hilarious. Still, I felt a sense of belonging with them. Something I can't honestly say I've felt with many other people.

#-#

* * *

Once gym really got started, Iruka-sensei decided to break us off into groups for sparring. Samo was put into Hanabi's group, Konohamaru was put into mine. It was still fairly even split over the four groups – sensei tried to keep it at an even spread across the gender board. Futaba and Matsuri both ended up in my group as well, along with a bunch of boys I didn't really recognize. Well, so long as I get to test myself against Konohamaru, I'm cool.

I may not want to break him in half, seeing as I know where he learned the Sexy jutsu, and what he usually uses it for. And that is negating the fact that Moegi will be the one to tear him down later – why ruin that?

Unfortunately – for the boy – Hanabi was paired up with Samo for the first spar. Something that brought a smile to every girl's lips present. I'd never have guessed that Hanabi was so skilled – she kicked his ass six ways sideways till Sunday. And that was while holding back. Justice was served. While revenge was the icy dessert, she never even acknowledged him after he labored back to his feet.

After that was Konohamaru and me. "You ready, Pervymaru?" I asked, laughing at the tick mark on his forehead. He lunged at me before the match was even officially started. He launched a punch, which I caught, twirled him around and tossed him on his ass back at the starting line. "Now, now, Pervymaru!" I mock chastised him. "Did you do the seal of confrontation?" Iruka-_sensei_ smirked at my question, while the girls were all giggling.

I winked to Hanabi, mouthing that this one was mine. She nodded, smiling a little broader.

"Come on, Sarutobi. Let's dance!" I put my right hand up, thumb keeping my pinky and ring finger in place with my index and middle finger extended. My right hand, so I issued the challenge. He mirrored me, a clear message in his eyes: it is on! His left hand, he accepted.

"Ladies first, Senju." He retorted, but I noticed neither of us used our clan names as an insult – it was more a statement that we acknowledge the other's strength. I honestly can say I respect that about him. I respect him even more for not daring to pull his punches.

Only, when the hell did all this happen? Why was I suddenly so... at peace with it all? Whatever. I ducked back to avoid a punch to my face, kicking his leg out from under him. He launched forward, using the sudden momentum to close the gap between us, sweep kicking to gain back his advantage. I jumped over the low kick, making sure to back off a bit – he wasn't half bad if he was close enough to hit me.

He jumped to his feet again, just in time for me to land a decisive punch to his gut. He went down and didn't get back up.

"Winner, Ai!" The girls were all shouting and screaming! The boys were silent – somehow one of them lost, so they all lost one. That or they accepted that Konohamaru was the strongest of them – which was kinda true.

"Good match, Ai." Konohamaru wheezed. I offered a hand to help him up, then we both made the seal of confrontation again, locking them together into the seal of reconciliation.

"And you, Konohamaru. Well fought." He smiled. He might have lost, but he understood that I saw him. I made sure he understood that.

* * *

Once school let out, Hanabi and I stayed a bit longer than usual – Kou was late picking her up. I didn't mind staying with her, and Sakura seemed content to wait as well.  
"So we're going to see Lee then?" I was asked. I smiled, nodding. But I smiled a little wider when Hanabi wanted to know how I even knew the nutcase – well, Lee does have his... unique charm.

"I spent the afternoon training with Lee's sensei, Might Gai." Yup, Hanabi was now doubly certain she didn't want to know. "Hey, he's a good instructor. And he's Neji's sensei as well."

"I know. That's how I know them." She shivered.

"Hanabi-sama, I apologize for being late. It seems that you were not without company though." Kou finally showed up – not that I minded either way. Hanabi was cool to hang around.

"Ah, yes. Kou, this is Senju Ai, and Haruno Sakura– Tsunade-sama's apprentice." Kou bowed to us. I bowed back, but even I knew I bowed boy-style. So much to learn yet. At least I kicked Konohamaru's ass!

#

We – Sakura and I – made a quick stop by a flower shop to pick up something nice for Lee, before heading over to the hospital. We arrived to find said patient doing one arms pushups. Which a nurse was begging him to stop and get back into bed. I couldn't help but smile at the determination his eyes. Yup, goofball Lee was at it again.

"Sakura-san! Please, you have to help me get him back in bed! He shouldn't be doing this so soon after his operation!" The nurse begged. I just smiled and shook my head. I couldn't help it.

"You can't make him do something he doesn't want to." I mused. "And more importantly, you can't force him to do something you yourself don't want to do."  
I walked around to his left shoulder, stooped down and grabbed his chin. He willingly stopped to look at me, his eyes owlish. "Lee, I understand what you're going through." I said, smiling at the doubt in his eyes.

A little, unsure smile crept up on him – he was going to humor me. "And what would a flower such as yourself know of what I've been through?"

"Well, first off, my name is Ai. You're Lee. Now that we're introduced let me tell you about what you're going through." Amusement twinkled in his eyes. "You feel helpless." The amusement died. "You don't like how you got in this situation. You don't like being in this situation. You are simply reaching out to the one you cherish most, and asking what they would do. Only, you already knew the answer in the first place... So just like Gai-sensei, you put on your brightest smile and you pump yourself up and you train yourself into the ground until you forget the pain in your heart."

All he could do to keep from crying at that point, was moving him chin from my grip and doing another pushup.

"I understand... I understand and I'm right here, Lee." He stopped, mid pushup. "I am not going to leave you here by yourself. I'm not going to abandon you." He continued doing pushups, as if running from my words. "I will forgo my training with Gai-sensei today, and I'll stay with you if you want me to." He stopped, the shock as plain in his eyes as the hurt that occupied it moments ago.

"You... would..."

"If you help us to get you back in bed, and promise to rest up until you are released... I promise that I will visit you everyday. And when you get out of here, we'll train five times as hard to make up for lost time." Eyes are so expressive, and Lee is no exception. His broken heart is on his sleeve, just for me. "I'll even lay down with you so that you won't be alone while you're resting." I heard, rather than saw, two chins hit the floor. Both ladies were beside themselves with shock and embarrassment at my words.

"AI! YOU CAN'T... IT'S NOT..." They were blubbering half formed sentences, trying to tell me how improper it is for me to lay with a boy, any boy – especially this boy, if the look in Sakura's eyes was anything to go by. I ignored them both.

"Very well. I promise to abide by this agreement. However you need not-"

"Lee," I chided gently. "get in bed and we'll discuss the finer points, okay?" He simply nodded, shocking both nurses by letting me help him up. We limped him over to the bed and I pulled back the covers to let him hop back in.

I helped get both his legs up, and smiled as he lay down. His left arm was the one that was messed up, so I hopped up on the left side of his bed – which then technically became the right side, so I was by his right arm – and tucked us both in under the sheets. I could hear more sputtering – from Lee and from Sakura and the nurse – but I just ignored it. I lay on my left side, propping my leg up on his and placing my head on his chest.

The guy in me wept. Long, bitter tears. But this is what Lee needed, and sometimes you have to do something you are not comfortable with to ease the suffering of another.

He tensed up. "Did I hurt you?" I asked, sorrow already evident in my voice.

"No. Not at all. I just-" He paused trying to figure out what he wanted, and failing miserably.

"Rest, Lee." He settled down, gently rubbing my back with his good hand. He was too wired to be able to rest, I could see that. So, reaching back to the 'special' training in underwent from my uncle – something of a holistic healer – I gathered my chakra. Only, not in the way Iruka was just starting to teach us in class. No, I herded it into my heart, letting my whole body warm up as I 'burned away all imperfections and intentions' – weird as it sounds, I've helped hundreds of people recover this way. It was slow and sure – not meant for first aid or ER.

Then I let my life energy flow into Lee. It's a weird sensation to feel it flowing out of you, but then it takes getting used to to feel to flowing at all. It's something like feeling the sun just below your skin, or feeling a river of electricity that doesn't hurt. It makes you feel calm and giddy at the same time. Like mixing adrenaline and a powerful sedative. Or coffee with alcohol. Or speed with weed.

Only, the things is that too much of the energy, or too little, both make you tired. He hasn't been able to use his chakra, so me giving him mine made us both sleepy eyed – seeing that I hadn't done my usual breathing exercises to supplement my reserves.

I can't say for sure who fell asleep first...

* * *

"Lee...! … could you... flower... prime... her youth..." A voice is mumbling something. A deep-ish voice.

"... would never... such a thing... she... with me... fell asleep..." Another voice answered – this one felt closer.

"... right... such... thing... taught... ten... old..." How does anyone expect a guy to get some shut eye around here with all this racket.

"nnn!" I complained. "shh!" The mumbling died down. "sleepy!"

"Ai... you awake?" I felt someone moving the hair out of my face – jeez I must really be out of it... I haven't fallen asleep during a shift like this in years. The last time was that cancer patient that couldn't get enough of my energy massage. I was out of commission for two days afterward.

"nnn! sleepy time... go way..." I mumbled back, wondering why Janine couldn't handle a few patients alone while I recharged the battery. I've done it for her often enough! Or maybe Chantal was on duty this time, that lazy backwater hoe wouldn't lift a finger if she could tell someone else to. I refused to ever work the same shifts as her, so that must mean my shift is over and she's telling me to get out so she can go to sleep – our section only had one bed.

"Time to go home." I opened my eyes, finding everything out of focus. Yup, overdid it again. Jeez, low energy can really mess you up. No wonder people who can't control it need to come to me so often.

"Alright. But at least you can make some coffee before you doze off yourself. And if you even think about telling me..." That's weird, I don't remember falling asleep with someone else in the bed. Sure, we've done if a few times during the graveyard shift – the girls all knew they were safe with me. Hell, one woman was all the trouble I needed – I don't know how players can put up with more than one.

Who the hell has black hair? All the girls I work with are blonds. And wide, circular eyes? And eyebrows thick enough to be a hairy bug. I tried getting up, feeling like my muscles were all jelly – nearly falling back down a few times. A pair of strong arms grabbed me to steady me.

"Baby Jay? What are you doing here? I thought they sent you home months ago." Baby Jay was the only other guy that worked our section – bit of a suave, woman slayer that a few of the patients said he got fresh with them.

"Who's that?" A woman's voice? I don't know any women this strong. Hell, she feels like she could toss me across the room if she wanted to. I tried to will away the blurriness, but it persisted anyway. "... chakra deprivation?" She asked herself. Everyone knew about my energy massages, not exactly a point I hide. Hell, I was teaching a few of them how to do it too – though only Janine ever managed to match me (on occasion, but she's getting there).

"Yeah, must have had a doozy of a patient this time. The last time I felt this out of it was that cancer patient. You remember Kincade, down in room 3? What ever happened to her?"

"Ai... are you okay?" Ai? Why does that sounds like a drunken hello? Or maybe she said 'I'? Must have missed part of that sentence.

"I'll live. Help me sit up?" She did, tugging my legs off the edge of the bed. I took in a few breaths, trying to center myself. My hands shot out in front of me, fingers loose, palms facing away from me. Slowly I breathed in from my gut through my nose – as deep and calming as I could. My hands followed suit, tugging back towards my abdomen. When I almost touched my own skin, and still breathing in, I flicked my wrists and breathed in with my chest, raising my hands up to neck level. Then I breathed out through pursed lips, making a small 'o' like I wanted to whistle and flicked my wrists again and pushed my hands out – palms facing away from me once more.

I repeated the process a few times, until I could feel my reserves back up to scratch. Finishing up with a few normal deep breaths, I let the familiar warmth wrap around me like a blanket. My eyes opened slowly, a goofy smile on my face. I always felt a little giddy after that breathing exercise. It's nice.

"Now I feel better." My eyes fluttered open, showing that I was face to face with... "Tsunade?" WHAT THE FUCK! I damn near hyperventilated!

"Ai, calm down. It's okay, I'm not mad at you." She tried to soothe me. Mad at me? What the fuck is going-

Slowly my mind woke up – a sad side effect from falling asleep with an energy deprivation is that my brain wakes up last. The brain needs something like five times more energy to function than any other organ, not surprising if you think about it.

Waking up in Konoha, starting school with Iruka as my sensei. Fighting with Konohamaru. Being friends with Hanabi. Cuddling with Lee – I think I'm going to go throw up now.

I summarized my feelings on the situation as a whole: "fuck." Her eyebrow shot up, unsure what was going through my mind. "Sorry, kind of a drunken stupor. My mind led me to believe I was still back home." I explained, getting understanding nods from everyone – especially Tsunade, seeing she understood what I really meant.

"Are you okay now?" She asked, worry lining her eyes.

"I'll live." I got up, testing my feet and legs before letting go of the bed. I turned to face Lee. "Don't forget our promise, Lee." He nodded and I walked out of the room, my head swimming with far too many things at once.

#

I ran. Not sure, or caring where my legs were taking me. I just ran. And ran. And ran...

Feeling the breeze. Smelling the leaves, he freshly cut lawns I passed. None of it felt real. None of it could be real. This isn't real. What the hell was going on?

I hated it. Hated the lack of control, the lack of choice. And running was my only reprieve.

/_"You don't like how you got in this situation. You don't like being in this situation. You are simply reaching out to the one you cherish most, and asking what they would do. Only, you already knew the answer in the first place... So ... you put on your brightest smile and you pump yourself up and you train yourself into the ground until you forget the pain in your heart."_/

My own words were coming back to haunt me. Tears were already stinging my eyes, but I couldn't slow down... I couldn't stop running. I had to run. I had to ease the pain... I had to-

**CLANGGGggggggggg!**

… watch out for street signs. I wobbled, rubbing the spot on my forehead that I'm sure would be leaving a mark, and I took off again. I ignored the weird looks I was getting, the cries of concern... I had to run. Run.

Would I ever get back home? Would I ever see my son and daughter again? My wife? My colleagues? What about Bram? He was only nine and his heart was failing. My techniques were only just starting to work. He was out of Janine's league to heal, and medical treatment would only stall for another week at most.

And Ad? He had dialysis treatment coming up again real soon. He and his wife came to see me regularly – her cancer was in remission, and she wanted to keep it like that. Could Janine really take on all of that?

My son's piano recital was coming up next month too. He's been practicing like a mad man to really wow me. He was also starting to teach his little sister how to play – that makes for the cutest pictures you could ever imagine, by the way.

I had a life before this bullshit happened! A life I love! People I love! And people I love hating!

#

By the time the pain subsided a little, I was out of breath. I didn't know where I was. I didn't care. I just dropped onto the grass.

Looking up at the sky, seeing the first stars coming out. Didn't even know the sun had set.

The clouds were there too. Just drifting along. How I envy those clouds – which is why Shikamaru had always been my favorite character. How could I be stuck in a cartoon (anime, whatever)? It isn't real. The people – as nice as they are – aren't real. The plot – as interesting as it is – isn't real. The places, the scenery, the trees, the clouds... that red dot that must be Mars... none of this is real. It can't be real.

Tears were flowing freely once again. Only this time, I was too tired to run. I couldn't ease the pain. I couldn't change anything...  
and i hate crying...

"Crying out here by yourself must be lonely." A voice called out. I couldn't tell who it was, nor did I care to find out. "Care for some company?" I didn't reply. I just wiped away the tears, hating myself for letting someone see me cry.

Footsteps were coming closer to me, slightly muffled from the soil and grass the dampened the sound. A plopping sounds announced that this person sat down nearby. "If you're willing to talk, I'm willing to listen." The voice said.

"Talk about what?" I could feel fresh tears staining my emotional control. "Talk about the family I had? Talk about the friends I had? The home I had? Talk about waking up in a place I don't even recognize every morning? Going to school with people I don't know? Talk about missing the abusive bitch that raised me? Do you know how fucking twisted it is to miss someone that you have every right to hate?" I put my hands over my face, trying to hide my tears – though the pools I felt in my ears told me that it was pointless... I hate crying, but I hate people seeing me cry even more.

Nothing was said. What was there to say? I hoped they left without making a sound, left me with my misery. Whoever said misery loves company never met me. "Must be rough." Fuck. There goes hope.

I didn't react. I just picked myself up, getting ready to run some more. Maybe I could go to one of the training grounds and beat a log until it bled. Yeah, that'll help.

"If you start running, you'll just keep on running from it." I turned to see Kakashi sitting there. His one eye showed more compassion and understanding that I had expected to find there.

"Drowning in survivor's guilt every morning at the memorial stone is better?" I shot back. I didn't want to be cruel, I like the perverted cyclops. "He who lives in a glass house, shouldn't throw stones." And I was off. Destination unknown.

* * *

The next morning class started with gym. I couldn't be happier about that. Iruka decided to have one on one spars with everyone, to see if we were practicing regularly.  
I spaced out almost immediately. I wasn't thinking about anything. I wasn't off someplace I actually recognize. I was just mentally out to lunch. Hanabi had nudged me a few times, probably pointing out someone that was getting their ass handed to them. It just didn't interest me.

"Earth to Ai!" I felt someone poke the bruise on my forehead, getting my undivided attention.

"Poking bruises could be considered abuse, you know." I sniped. Iruka blushed, but seemed curious that I didn't really react to the pain I should be feeling.

"It's your turn." He said, stepping back and inviting me to join him with a motion of his hand. I sighed, taking a few steps forward. Making the seal of confrontation, and watching Iruka do the same, I got into my stance. It was just the regular Academy stance he had shown us, nothing special.

He waiting for me to make a move, but I am more of a reactionary fighter – more like, I'd rather never fight if given the choice.

Eventually he figured out I wasn't coming to him, so he advanced to bring the fight to me. I tapped his punch off course, ducked under his kick. I stepped out of the range of his next punch, sidestepped the one that followed. I wasn't in the mood for this.

Attack after attack, he just kept coming at me. Each time he sped up just a bit, trying to see how much I could handle. This body might be untrained, but my mind is as agile as ever. You can't work in a hospital without being able to handle whatever comes your way.

Unfortunately, Iruka was way too good for me to hope to last against – he IS a chuunin. A punch landed on my neck. The one place I can't stand people hitting me. I've been hit in my face, my nuts, my gut, my legs, my back... none of that shit affects me. But somehow someone hitting my neck flips a switch in me.

My eyes narrowed on him, and I can tell he noticed the difference. He's on the defense. The reason was unimportant – I just didn't care. I kicked at him, punched at him. Hell, I tried biting him a few times when I was close enough. He dodged, blocked and just got the hell outta the way every time though. It was frustrating, but I didn't let it get to me. No, I was too focused on ripping his eyes out to notice that I was starting to throw wilder and wilder blows.

The whole time, in my subconscious, I could sense another person's picture overlaying Iruka. This wasn't the kind, caring Academy instructor I was fighting against... it was a demon from a past I wish to God I could forget. A demon with black hair, brown eyes and a motherly smile that affected me like nails on a chalk board.

Of course, it was only a matter of time before I overextended. Which, with my luck, was during a kick. I landed on my knee, nearly crying out from the pain – seeing that my toes were bending at an odd angle. Nothing popped or cracked, so it was just painful.

I got back up, refusing to give in. I felt the anger boiling up inside me, trying to consume me. She's the only person that ever hit me... and the one that loved grabbing the skin on my neck like I was bad dog.

Luckily though, the pain cleared my head enough for the image of the Academy to remind me who I was fighting. I took in a shaky breath, hoping not to give into the tears again.

"Alright, good! Everyone, back inside. Start working on the problem I wrote on the board. And no, Konohamaru, you can't go to the bathroom." Iruka announced, receiving an annoyed 'Mou!' from his student. I turned, already moving towards the school – we always have gym outside. "Not you, Ai." Fuck!

#

"It won't happen again, sensei." I didn't even turn to him, but I knew where this was going.

"Yes, it will. I won't be the only one to land a blow to your neck." Yup, I was right. And yes, he did have a point.

"I usually don't lose it like that... I've just... had a lot on my mind." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't entirely truthful either.

"Like what?" I wiped away a tear, before turning to him with my brightest smile.

"Just stuff. Don't wo-"

"I know a fake smile when I see it." Yes, I know. Naruto, your childhood. I know. Just don't- "Holding on to that anger is going to hurt you in the long run." … say shit like that...

"Anger, sorrow, desire, hope. They're all just another way of saying you want something to change." I drained all emotion from my face, hoping that my eyes followed suit. "Can you blame me for wanting something changed?"

"Hide behind your words all you want, Ai. I know better." He smiled, trying to be as sympathetic as possible.

"How wou-"

"I was going to visit Lee when you helped him back into bed." Fucking shinobi. "I heard every word you said." Wonderful.

Just. Fucking. Wonderful.

I sighed. Bottling it all up is so much easier to cope with. "I've got two options for you. The first is you talking to me about it." I forced back the tears before they had a chance to fuck this up. "The other is you talking to Tsunade about it." Talking either way, how is this a choice?

"Or option three. I go on with my merry life and pretend nothing's bothering me. It's always worked." I started walking back to the class, hoping he'd just leave it be. But of course, that just wasn't an option. He appeared in front of me, barring my path. Fucking shunshin. Fucking speedy ninjas that won't let me be. Fucking overobservant assholes that-

… assholes that like hugging me in public. "It's okay to cry sometimes." No, no, no, no, no... not this shit again! I won't cry! Not a-fucking-gain! "It's okay to get mad at the world because you got a raw deal." SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! "And it's okay to not want to take that risk with people. But you know what?" NO! AND KEEP IT THAT WAY! "You shouldn't give them the satisfaction of hurting you that badly." FUCK! I couldn't hold back the tears hard enough. Fucking snuggly, tree-hugging, hippie son of bitch! I promised myself I would stop crying nearly twenty fucking years ago, and you stupid, observant, hugging little girl pedophiles can't help but rub salt in old wounds!

He didn't say anything for a long while. He seemed content with just letting me cry it out. Training a ninja to be emotionless, by making them cry all the way through the Academy. How does that work?

"Go to the bathroom and clean yourself up. I expect you back in class in ten minutes."

* * *

After school let out, Shizune was waiting for me. I'd been going to school and home by myself for days, so I know some shit is up. "Tsunade needs me, I take it?" I said in lieu of a greeting. She nodded, an odd emotion play across her face. "Yes, I'm happy to see you. I just wish it was a social call." I walked passed her, still not saying hello. Sorry, rough day.

Hanabi decided to play school counselor, having spied on my talk with Iruka with her Byakugan. I spent more time crying today than every other day of my life combined. I was in no mood for another episode so soon.

"I talked to Lee... and Kakashi." Fuck. Here it comes. "And Iruka already sent word about this morning." Well, at least I was all cried out. Now I can just be really fucking annoyed.

"Congratulations. You know I'm a basket case." I didn't even turn to face her, choosing to walk ahead instead. Of course, with everyone in this village being faster than me, she caught up enough to wrap an arm around my shoulder. I tried to ignore her, but she didn't seem to mind. She must think that me not pushing her away was a good sign. Too bad ignoring her is all the sign I intended to send.

"I don't think you're a basket case. I think you're strong for being able to face the world every day with a smile on your face." I sighed. Great another one that won't stop until she made me cry. Is this some form of attack they didn't cover in school? Well, psychological warfare would cover shit like this. "You want us to go for some ice cream later?" No, I want you people to stop poking holes in my once impervious defense of sarcasm and bullshit. Seriously, you people could put Freud to shame. "My treat."

"Whatever." I tried to speed up, but she matched the acceleration.

"I'll take that as a yes."

#

Once in her office, Tsunade eyed me – curiosity the only emotion (?) I could read. "You rang?"

"I'm sure Shizune already explained the situation. And you are well aware of my rules. Is there something you want to tell me?" Fuck. Playing my desire to abide by the rules against my desire to never speak of everything you people seem to enjoy dragging out of me? Wonderful. At least she has a different approach to it.

"Nothing you didn't already know." I lied. I hate being a bad liar. Need to work on that.

"Why am I having trouble believing that?" Shizune excused herself, leaving me alone for yet another round of twenty questions. "Ai-chan... please." This time she showed her actual emotion towards the situation: concern. I sighed.

"Look. I freaked out when I woke up yesterday." My voice was soft, but I knew she would hear every word. "I thought I was back in my hospital, back in my life. As much as it sucked, it was a given. Like a bruise that holds a good memory." She didn't shy away from listening noises, or from thoughtful frowns. She just listened, and whatever emotion came to her, she let it show.

Then came the inevitable, "So why didn't you come to me with this?"

I was already turning my head right to left, "I-"

"Ai, you are now in a village teeming with people who understand what you've been through – other than how you got here at least. Everyone here has a story like yours. Some worse. We've all had our hardships." Her voice was so soothing, so... warm. It was hard to hold onto my resolve. "The difference is that we don't bare it alone. That's why everyone picks up on it so easily." I sighed again, knowing that this was going to end up being a regular thing. Guys used to pick up on it back home too, they just didn't want to know. And the girls were all colleagues that were busy working, so distracting them from the signs was easy. But here?

I'm fucked. They're ninja, they won't give up until I'm a tree-hugging hippie just like them. I sighed again.

Before I could even register what was going on, I was on the receiving end of yet another hug. What is it with females and hugs? What about that 'personal bubble' that everyone used to respect? "Next time, I want to hear about this from you. Clear?" Hey, I might just get out of this one tear free!

I nodded into her embrace, hugging her back. "Is it okay to hope there won't be a next time?"

She laughed – was her laugh always so musical? "Yeah... but don't get your hopes up."

* * *

Shizune made good on her promise of ice cream, but it came with a price. Should have known it was bait. She bought two cones – she wanted vanilla and chocolate, but I prefer pistachio with almonds.

"So what's it like?" She asked the second we sat on the park bench. I had just under an hour before I had to show up to work – yeah, I'm one of Tsunade's personal paper pushers.

"What's what like?" I had a feeling she was going to ask about my old life – surely Tsunade's personal assistant would know about it – or about me having to squat to pee.

"Being around people that see though your suit or armor." She winked. Her smile was just a tad too wide for my taste.

"It's like being a mouse in a rat trap factory." I deadpanned, earning a giggle.

She sobered up, obviously thinking something. "I don't get how people where you're from would miss the signs though. Not that you aren't good at hiding it, but..." She trailed off, obviously finding it so easy that she didn't understand why 'they' found it so impossible.

"People were too busy with their own lives to worry with mine. I liked it like that. Besides, the majority of people I interacted with would be released before they knew enough to figure something out." I explained, wondering what was really on her mind. It isn't hard for me to figure people out, I've pretty much made my living off it.

With unconscious patients, you need to know if they're sleeping or halfway to heaven's door. Calling an emergency with one is annoying, but failing to do so with the other will get you fired – at best.

"Shizune, you're wondering something and are probably plotting some scheme to ask me inadvertently. Why not just come out and say the words?" The look on her face was a clear 'shit, busted'.

"I was just wondering... something." She's uncomfortable. She's wondering something she doesn't feel is any of her business, but can't help but wonder anyway.

"Like?" I motioned for her to elaborate. She blushed. Great. It's probably going to be about which team I bat for. "If you are wondering about my sexual orientation-" Her blush deepened. "I..." I what? Before I got here it was unambiguous heterosexuality – which meant me liking girls. Now? Not getting excited about being in a room full of girls walking around in nothing but their panties is fucking with that certainty.

Hell, having the opportunity to rub my nose between Tsunade's breasts and not taking it shot certainty in the head. Twice. Through the eyes.

Let alone having her and a few other females hugging up to me and not copping a feel – or just noticing an inadvertent one – is pushing the envelope. Guys like being touched by girls. Love it. And no matter what, a guy enjoys feeling a woman's breast rubbing against him. Always. It could be hurting us, killing us. It wouldn't matter, we'd bare it gladly to keep feeling that booby.

A feeling that isn't there for me right now. A girl in her underwear used to be a girl halfway to having sex with me. Now it's just a girl changing into something else. What the fuck? Am I following the path of unambiguous heterosexuality? Or do I like girls? Space-Time paradox number two: A heterosexual male is trapped in a female's body – is (s)he still a heterosexual? Arguably if (s)he likes girls – which was the norm – heterosexual is no longer applicable. But liking guys still feels gay.

"I..." What do I say? What do I feel? I'm not attracted to guys, that's just fucking gross. But am I attracted to girls?

Putting lesbian porn aside for the moment (What? Guys like lesbian porn! It's twice the fun!). Am I attracted to, want to make out with, make love to... females? Who now have the same gender as the body I inhabit.

I'm drawing a blank. Shoot me! Somebody shoot me before it's too late!

"You..." She's motioning with her hands for me to elaborate, but I think she saw the uncertainty in my eyes. Heterosexual means by definition to be attracted to the opposite sex... if I think I'm a guy, but am a girl... which is the opposite? A gay guy? An effeminate one? "are no longer sure?" Fucking mind reading, tree-hugging- "That's okay, Ai. You have time to sort things out." She's rubbing her hand against my back, trying to be supportive.

Okay? What's okay with me not liking girls?

"Ai, look at this from another perspective. We are now looking from the perspective of... Sakura, just as a reference. She is hurt from Sasuke turning her down, and she is comforted by Ino, for example. Is it weird that Sakura – in the context of this hypothetical situation – be attracted to Ino? Or is it weird that she not feel that way?" Put someone else in my shoes, and how do I react to them feeling how I feel...

"Well, I could understand both routes. Still, either way I think both girls should settle down with someone they like and treats them... right..." It didn't matter... so long as they were happy in the end...? "..."

"Exactly. How come you didn't judge them, but you judge yourself?" Her question was innocent enough, but it brought in values and preconceived notions that have played a major role in the majority of my life! Things that I have been taught to value, things that I have learned to value in my own way. How do I even begin to answer that question? "Maybe, you are simply harder on yourself than you are on others. But maybe, just maybe, you haven't fully accepted yourself as you are?" Duh! I don't want to get used to 'being' a girl! What if I wake up from a 'coma' in my real body tomorrow, but still think of myself as a girl and run off with some cute guy?

I sighed. Was there a point in wondering 'what if'? Shouldn't I learn to just deal with the shoes that now fit? Should I try to... be who I currently find myself to be? A... girl? I've been thinking of it as me inhabiting a girl's body... me being trapped in one... this body not being mine... Is it time to reconcile my body and mind and accept that I am a... girl?

I think I'm gonna be sick. "Just food for thought." She smiled, offering a one armed hug as a consolation. Once again proving that the boob no longer had the power over my train of thought it once did.

* * *

"Ah, Ai-chan. There you are. Shizune should be along later, but for now let's get you settled in." She got up from her chair, walking passed me. Across the hall from her office was another office, with two desks.

"Your job," She began, looking around the room. "is to act as a filter. I've broken it down into two phases so that you can acclimatise. In phase one you are to organize things that need my immediate attention – such as situations in which lives could potentially be lost, or destabilize or jeopardize the security of the village – and things that could simply be overlooked. Once I trust your skill and judgment we will move on to phase two, which means you taking care of the things that I can overlook. Just because it is less important than village security, doesn't mean that it can be ignored altogether." She tapped the desk over on the right, eying the stack of papers already littered across it. "This is your desk. And that used to be my pile. Manage it for me, will you."

I just shook my head, already hating the job. But, I asked for it so I need to see it through. "Of course." It should only take forever to tear down the pile of papers doing an impressive interpretation of a skyscraper.

"Shizune will be double checking your work until I feel you can handle phase one. Once that is accomplished, phase two will begin." She explained. I nodded to show I was following her so far. "Good. Get to work." She left me with that. The wind from the door nearly caused a structural collapse, but the building – err, pile of papers – held. Well, this isn't that bad to be honest. I just need to organize a bit. Positive thinking is usually half the battle... right?

#

An hour later I had my own little system fleshed out. I found a sorting bin with five slots in one of the cabinets – spoils of war, I found it first. That was set up to organize the things I thought Tsunade should look at quickly. There were some things I thought she needed to see immediately, which I literally brought to her, and made sure she read in front of me before I left.

As a bonus, she agreed that she needed to know and deal with the implications immediately. One was about a possible court case between the Akimichi and the several merchants arguing they were owed money. That needed attention, because their claim stated they sold things that the Akimichi have no use for – dieting pills, yeah right. Another was a request for Naruto to be executed – he had threatened some merchant's family (they claimed). That was ANBU territory to investigate.

Yet another was a request about Sasuke marrying someone's daughter. That seemed important, based on the fact that the family had no daughter registered to them – yes I have the weird habit of cross referencing things before adding value to it. I was shocked that ANBU ware given that as well to investigate. Cool, I'm giving them work to do!

Anyway, after that was a bunch of stupid shit that just became tedious as fuck after a while. "I like how you organize things." Shizune complimented. "It makes it easier to see how things fit together."

"Yeah. By the way, I'm starting to get suspicious of this group of claims against the Inuzuka clansmen." I handed her a stack – fifty complaints and twelve requests – all tied into the kennels that people were saying was becoming a NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard). Which I found strange, because every person who signed one, had moved in the area long after the kennels were placed there. I love the information at my fingertips right now.

"I see. Let me just bring this to Tsunade-sama and see what she thinks about it. Good job, by the way." She smiled at me, before heading across the hall. While she was gone, I started stacking things together that needed her attention, but had a lower priority to them.

Not even a minute later, Tsunade was in our – Shizune was the other occupant of this room – office, walking towards the filing cabinet. "All names on those papers moved in after the kennels were built. They knew in advance, but are collaborating to stifle the project. As well, more than half of those people have the same last name, and I am pretty sure the others are relatives or close friends – seeing that they all live so close together. I suspect a move to weaken or at least hamper the Inuzuka clan." I said, not even looking up from what I was doing.

"..." She didn't move for a second. Then a minute... she was just standing there. "What about them trying to claim the area for a clan they are trying to establish?"

"Also possible. Weaken another clan to make room for theirs. I haven't cross referenced how they all congregated into the same area, not sure if we even have information about that." I said, giving the current pile one last lucky tap. "This pile needs your attention, but can be put off if you want to. They are all simple approve or denies, top paperclip are things I think you would approve, bottom is the denies." I handed her the stack, wondering at the weird look she wore. "What?"

"How did you know-" She was tilting her head this way then that.

I just rolled my eyes. "Frankly I thought about what I would want to know about the situation. Oh, and the top five of the Inuzuka complaints... something is fishy about them. Different handwritings, but same choice of words. Jammed together in different ways. I suspect possible copying-pasting. Or worst case scenario is forgery or flat out fraud. Someone should look into that."

"I see." She took the offered papers. "Anything else?"

"Sure, lots else. Just nothing I think you need to deal with now. Everything else is lower in priority than what you already have. If something comes up I will either discuss it with Shizune, or bring it to you directly." I sat back down, filtering through another pile that was drawing my attention. "What time did you want us to go for dinner?"

"Honestly I don't know. I usually just give up around six." She admitted.

"Not good. You need to make definitive break times and plan in more blank spaces. You could end up burning out before your time." Honestly I was just being conversational – you know, just chit chat to pass the time.

"I see. Would you be willing to get some food for the three of us then?" She was looking at me, but her intentions were a bit hidden.

"Sure, let me just check how plausible this claim against the Hyuuga clan is, and I'll head out. Did you have a preference?" I wrote down three names that drew my attention from the complaints – didn't know any of them, but they seemed to be related in my mind.

"I'll eat anything that goes with sake. Shizune tends to like spicy food though." I nodded, focusing on another thing that the complaints had in common – no places, dates or times were ever mentioned (shaky credibility, but that's just me).

"Sake for one, spicy for the other. Hmm, that says a lot. I'll see what I can come up with..." Hmm, that's interesting. "How many people think that Hanabi is right handed?" That was rhetorical, she's left handed. "This pile is all bullshit. But I'd have someone check out the claims from the sources. It sounds like people are trying to knock some of the clans down a peg. You might have a long term problem on your hands if nothing is done now to stem it."

I clipped the Hyuuga pile together, placed it on top of the piles already in her hand. And recapped: "Top pile, Hyuuga complaints. I think it's fraudulent, but still high priority. Middle pile yea or nay. Top plausible yea, bottom plausible nay. Low priority, so stalling plausible. Underneath is Inuzuka pile with top five being suspicious and plausibly fraudulent." She seemed a bit lost, probably not expecting any of this – she thought I was a charity case huh? "Spicy... I wonder if I can..."

* * *

The three of us were having dinner together in Tsunade's office. I found a nice little restaurant that makes what I know to be Indian styled food – they called it something else entirely, but I know Indian food. I ordered it to be just spicy enough, and I ordered an extra roti for me.

"You did good, and not just for your first day." Tsunade complimented.

"Thanks. I didn't know you were a vegetarian, Shizune. Luckily the waitress warned me about that."

"Sorry about that. I'm used to being the one running the errands so I never thought to bring it up." She shrugged, though see seemed to be enjoying her food – potatoes and tofu with plenty of veggies in the mix in a spicy curry mango sauce. It was a bit on the hot side, but it was also very creamy. As well there was the tofu – it often amazes me how many people here eat tofu regularly.

"You knew about me being vegetarian, so why didn't-"

"Point A and point C form a straight line, does that mean point B is halfway between them?" I pointed out. Mathematical logic – basically just saying that there wasn't enough information available to draw conclusions from.

"True. But you can assume any medic in Konoha is vegetarian – meat messes with medical jutsu." That might well have been the first real connection I could make between this place and home! I had to forgo all meat (even contact with meat) to ensure the purity of my life energy to help others heal. Something about a theory that introducing 'dead energy' would taint the ability to heal. Whatever, I didn't have to change my diet anyway.

"I didn't know that. Although it makes sense." Not much was said after that. 'Companionable silence' would be my description.

#

The meal ended eventually, allowing room for the following (interesting) announcement. "You've basically done the work I set up for you this week in four hours." How much do you slack off, exactly? "Take the rest of the week off, you've earned it."

Had I been trying to text a reply... LOL! Oh well. "Sounds good to me. By the way, there was something I've been meaning to ask you." She DID say she wanted to hear this from me, right? "I've been hitting a wall all day trying to figure something out that should be plain as day. Seeing that I am biologically a normal ten year old girl I should be having normal hormones and desires to match. However I suspect I had way too much testosterone in my system, which spiked my aggressiveness and sexual drive. How the hell does that happen for no reason?"

"Hmm... was it out of the ordinary when considering your previous situation?" I nodded, but wondered what that- "Testosterone and estrogen are both made and/or converted in the brain. With your wiring being what it was, is-"

My brain blotted out the rest... I was in too much shock. How could I overlook something so simple? This whole thing is basically my 'new' biology trying to balance itself out! Fuck...

Simply put, ten year old girls don't go about their day thinking about sex – they lack the hormones for it. So once I burned off the excess while training with Gai... well, that left only what this body makes, which would match the profile of a sexually maturing (but no where near mature) female aged ten years.

That spells disaster for my 'boys have cooties' house of cards... The second my pheromone receptors kick into overdrive – AKA teenage years... "fuck."

"Ever the lady." Tsunade joked. "Anyway, here's today's pay." She placed an envelope on her desk, pushing it towards me. "I'm only paying you out this quick due to it being a damn good day and your having the rest of the week off. Normally payments are end of the week – I don't do monthlies." The pun wasn't lost on me. At her age, she should be celebrating that fact. But more than likely she is entering menopause – not a fun stage hormonally. Yeah, I actually make a distinction between the last period ever and menopause, because removing the womb and ovaries means no more periods too, but it denies menopause. Dunno why women wouldn't choose that option...

"Uhh..." I opened the envelope to find a stack of five-hundred Ryou notes. It must have been in the range of thirty-thousand Ryou. That sounds like a hell of a lot! I'm used to Euros... I just have no clue what kind of buying power that gives me here. I looked at her, "Is this a lot?"

**End Chapter 2**

**#-#**

* * *

_**A/N: I wonder how many people got scared off from the foreign language I used in last chapter... hmm, their loss. Anyway, this is the first of many FML chapters for our 'hero'. Things only get more entertaining from here :D**_

_**Let me know what you think!**_

_**A special thanks to Elivira and Setokaiva, my Betas. Without them none of this would be possible (^-^)**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**_

_**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**_

_**Chapter 3**_

* * *

"Do you know what I want?" Kiba asked, the picture of supreme manliness. He was sitting down next to me, very close by.

"No, what do you want?" I asked him, playing coy. We were sitting down to dinner in an expensive restaurant, a date setting. He let his hand 'walk' to me with his index and middle fingers acting as legs. There was desire in his eyes, desire to taste me, to ravage me.

"You know exactly what I want." He smile, letting his walking hand move up my arm, then across from my shoulder to wrap his arm around me.

"No... why don't you tell me?" I suddenly found myself in an elaborate kimono – white... pure white.

"Marry me! Have my babies!" Suddenly we were surrounded by a pack of little Kibas, all with the red fang tattoos on their cheeks and white pups on their heads.

"Kiba, you're such a stud. Take me!" My lips were moving, they wanted to kiss him as much as he wanted to kiss me. I – on the other hand – was going to be sick. I tried to make him stop, to get him away from me. But my hands only held onto him more. Only pulled him closer to me.

His lips were suddenly as big as a building, threatening to crush me with his love, with his passion for me. I fought harder to get away, but my lips were running away from me – somehow still attached.

"Stop! I don't want this! Go away! I don't want anything to do with you!" I shouted, but my lips were only trying harder to kiss him. Harder and harder.

"STOP!" I grabbed my lips pulling them back to me. The skin connecting them to my face was stretched out like licorice.

"NO! STOP!"

#-#

* * *

"NOOO!" I shot up, finding myself in my bed under a cold sweat. I looked around, trying to find traces of the scene I had just witnessed, finding none. I felt at my lips wondering if they were somehow still mutated.

"A dream?"

Without warning my door swung open. "Ai, are you okay?" I looked up, finding my vision suddenly blurry. It had felt so real, so terribly, horribly real. "What happened?" Tsunade. She was next to me in an instant, pulling me into a hug. She patted my hair, rubbed my back, whispered that it was alright. Anything she thought would help...

But none of it could remove that picture from my mind. "it was... horrible!" I sobbed into her embrace. "kiba was hitting on me... and trying to kiss me... it was just..." She sussed a little louder, holding me a little tighter.

"It's alright, it was just a dream. It's all right. I'm here now." She said over and over again. Somehow I couldn't stop crying. That... thing... was as close to my worst nightmare as anything I can think of.

What's worse, is that I can tell my body reacted positively to that dream... my subconscious intended it to be a wet dream... too bad it didn't check with my conscious preferences...

"What happened?" Shizune came in as well, obviously I had screamed loud enough to wake everyone up.

"She just had a bad dream, Shizune." All I could see what part of Tsunade's chest pillow and part of my wall, but I could hear the concern in one's voice... and the relief it hadn't been something worse in the other's.

"Should I make some hot chocolate? It might help to calm her down." Shizune offered.

"Would you like that, Ai?" Tsunade asked, her voice sounded so... calming. I shook my head.

"i just want to stay here... is that okay?" I mumbled. This hug was doing more good than all the chocolate in the world.

"Of course, sweetie. I'm not going anywhere." She smoothed my face, rocking me back and forward gently. I can remember countless times I've done this for my kids. I even remember thinking how silly I thought some of their nightmares to be. Yet somehow... this felt different. This played right into my fears, right into exactly what I was running away from. And it hit hard.

#-#

* * *

I dunno how they managed it, but I found myself in the living room. Shizune was in the kitchen making something – probably the same hot chocolate she mentioned. Tsunade on the other hand was bugging me until I told her about every detail of what bothered me – not the dream itself, because she can tell that was just the tip of the iceberg.

"It was the sensations... the-" I tried explaining, making less and less sense as I went on. I was dancing around the whole thing and I think she can tell.

"Ai, sweetie... it's three in the morning and we are awake trying to help you. Now, please do us all a favor and actually tell me what's wrong." Yup, she had me pegged. I mumbled my realization, hoping to just get it out of the way. "Sweetie." She warned, which I took mean not to mumble... or speak up... or something like that.

"i woke up damp..." I mumbled a bit louder, praying that would be the end of it. I knew better, I really did, but this was not my most emotionally stable night.

"What does you being damp have to-" Her eyes went wide – realization had struck home. "oh." Her eyes narrowed, on me. "So how'd it go from a wet dream to a nightmare?" Yup, the exact thing I didn't want to talk about. I sighed.

"guy dreaming about guys..." I looked away, embarrassed.

"Ai, would a guy wake up 'damp' from a dream like that?" A truth I am currently running away from, thank you very much.

"maybe." I groused. "night emissions are not uncommon." I folded my arms and sulked. I hate this stupid body. I hate this stupid situation.

"For someone with so much medical knowledge, you seem to be forgetting something vital." She tugged me towards her into another hug. I found my face stuffed between her breasts, but I found no comfort there this time – the joy of boobie diving had died. "Biology is hard to fight against. Had your brain been wired homosexually, you might have stood a chance. But the best you can hope for with your current situation is bisexuality." She chuckled, obviously believing that last part to be a lie. Hell, the fact that she willingly let me lay between her breast was all the fucking proof I needed of that.

I knew the theory, I understand the situation. I just fucking hate it! Why couldn't things be simple? What have I done to deserve the weird, uncomfortable, wobbly legged hell called puberty twice? Let alone as both fucking genders...

Shizune came in carrying a tray with three mugs. There was enough light to see what she had brought, but all I could focus on was the bags under their red eyes. They were tired, but refused to leave me alone like this. It made me feel small, useless... needy. Guys don't respect needy guys. Hell, most guys don't respect needy anything – one reason most guys accept having kids, instead of looking forward to it like I hear most girls do.

Tsunade let me sit up to accept the offered mug, then gently pulled me back to lay against her. She really meant to say that I wasn't getting away from her just yet. Somehow I enjoyed that fact, only this time it wasn't sexual, egotistical, habitual. This was... surreal.

My eyes met with Shizune's, wordlessly thanking her. Only there was a strange emotion playing across her features. I couldn't quite place my finger on it. It seemed a happy emotion – hell she was glowing from it. Lips curled up slightly, delight in her eyes... but there was something more too. Like she was seeing something I couldn't.

I sipped at the mug, enjoying the drink. It was slightly bitter – these two see no use in sugar at all, luckily they didn't make their own ice cream – but rich and creamy none the less. Somehow the taste was richer than I remember, either she used much finer ingredients... or I really am changing entirely. How many subtle differences are there between the sexes?

I sighed, knowing that one way or another... I was bound to find out.

#-#

* * *

On the way to the Academy the next morning, I was wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I had another wet dream, this time with those two gate guards double teaming me. I didn't wake up screaming, but I certainly didn't wake up any happier.

And who do I happen to cross paths with on my jolly route? "Hey, there's a cute face I don't recognize." Inuzuka Kiba. Wonderful. I kept walking, refusing to accept that he was hitting on me. "Hey, it's rude to ignore someone when they're talking to you!" He has no patience, at all. Or a clue for that matter. Horny mutt.

"It is sometimes wiser to avoid trouble than to be polite to it." Came the monotone of Shino's voice. I choked back a laugh. I like him. I really do.

"Hey, who's side are you on anyway?" The growled complaint was accompanied by a few barks. Akamaru was at least cute.

"The innocent's." That earned him a giggle, even though I didn't slow my pace towards my destination.

"Oh you won't talk to me, but you'll laugh at bug boy's jokes?" He's pissed – well more embarrassed, but it translates to the same thing.

"Kiba-kun, s-stop being r-rude." A soft, halting voice said. I turned this time, seeing Hinata fiddling with her fingers.

"Thank you Hinata-chan!" I called back, still not slowing down. And yet, stupid fast prick number one still magically appeared in front of me. Either my eyes are so slow that everyone seems to shunshin around here, or everyone really is poofing around like there's no tomorrow. "Look, Akamaru, you're real cute, but I will neuter your partner if you don't get out of the way." Yes, I ignored the boy that was a head taller than me, to speak to his pup while threatening him.

"Oi! The name's Kiba and no one does anything to Aka..." He paused, thinking about something. "You were talking about me?"

"And that only took thirty seconds. Impressive. At this rate you should have an IQ above eighty in no time." I said, smiling sweetly the whole time. "Now if you'll excuse me, I was told not to talk to strange boys." I walked around him, deciding that I really had to do something about my speed. All these speedy, annoying people jumping in my way was getting on my nerves. The fact that the image of his house sized lips trying to kiss me were playing across my mind wasn't helping either.

"Hold up! What gives you-" He jumped in front of me again, grabbing my hand to keep me from running off. Well, if that's what you want... "OOF!" I kneed him in the groin. What? I'm not walking around wearing trainee bras and panties AND denying myself the joy of being able to hit a guy who's not listening to 'no' in the nuts! Fuck that, my male pride has been dying one day at a time any fucking way!

"Next time, listen when I say to leave." I was off again. No faster or slower than before the encounter. Well, at least I felt better about that stupid dream.

#-#

* * *

Once class started – after the first three lectures in other words – it was time for jutsu demonstration. This time it was more of a skill, but still riveting none the less. Seeing as I missed out on a few years of education the other's already had, I was way behind on any kind of skill pertaining to shinobi life.

"Alright, this is like the chakra exercise you had as homework. Basically I want you to hold a leaf to your forehead using only chakra." Iruka-sensei explained. I wondered about that – was it a precursor to tree climbing? Who knows, it might be. I think it is at least.

"Now," He flicked his fingers faster than I could see. All I can say for sure is that a leaf flapped against my forehead, and was already threatening to fall from it. "don't let the leaf fall." Talk about pressure! The leaf on my forehead, or the village named after it?

I focused my chakra the way I was learning here. It was weird, awkward and... strange. It felt so different from the chakra I was used to – part of the reason I was calling it 'energy' instead.

It wasn't long before the leaf dropped from my forehead. It somehow felt so symbolic to me. Watching it fall in slow motion, feeling helpless as everything went wrong. Kinda like my life right now. I caught the leaf, gazing at it sadly. At least someone was there to catch it when it fell. I didn't have-

My eyes went wide with shock. My nose was still pointing at the green item in my hand, and my eyes were pointing dead ahead. Still I saw everything but what I held in my hand.

Sakura had been like a big sister ever since I got here – sure she was away on a mission right now, but that didn't change anything. She drops in to check on me every day she's in town and never shows me anything but love and acceptance.

Shizune too was playing the role of a big sister – much bigger, but sisterly none the less. She's been helping me with everything I ask her to. From training, to jutsu practice, to going with me to get my first set of kunai. She even tossed in a pack of senbon into the deal too! She's even talking about teaching me some simple medical jutsu, after I learn to control my chakra better!

Hanabi took me by surprise. I expected Hiashi's pet. An arrogant, stuck up, brat of a prodigy that looked down on the world from her plateau. Instead, I found a mini Hinata without the stutter. She keeps an eye on me, helps me, spars with me. She cares for me. She turns to me when she feels put out about something too – it's like she thinks I'm the only one that gets her. We've been friends since that first day last week, but she's quickly gaining ground.

Then there was Tsunade... she's... She's been amazing. With her running the world (my world if nothing else), training medics, working the hospital and dealing with the council... she still finds time to talk to me about anything that's bothering me. She didn't complain once about my waking her up in the middle of the night, and she didn't leave my side until I fell asleep – in her arms I might add.

I shook my head, tossing my old thinking out the window – it did me no good in the past, so what good will it do now? With new found determination, I place the leaf back on my forehead and focus on keeping it there.

A tap on my shoulder brought my attention to my left, letting the leaf drop into my hand again. Hanabi was there, smiling. "The trick is to not think about it. Focus, yes, but do not lose track of anything around you. It's difficult, but it'll help you in the long run." I smiled. Yeah... there's no way I can ever think I've got no one to catch me when I fall here. I just have to remind myself from time to time.

#-#

* * *

Later at work – jeez it's so weird to hear that word and feel comforted by it – I was doing everything with a leaf still stuck to my forehead. I was supposed to take the week off, but fuck that! I've got shit to do!

I plowed through the papers I had left behind the day before, sorted through the new stack Tsunade found on her desk and was tossing suggestion after suggestion at Shizune about reorganizing the room. All with a a leaf stuck to my forehead.

I got some weird looks from some of the shinobi poofing in and out of Tsunade's office, but I just ignored them... until-

"Hey Baa-chan! Did you miss me?" Uzumaki Naruto. Loud, obscenely blond and clueless.

"How many times do I need to tell you not to call me that, you little brat!" I heard them bickering across the hall. It was just too tempting not to add fuel to the flame, so I went in with a paper, pretending it was vital to life as we know it.

"Tsunade, I have something you might want to see." I walked in, not bothering to knock – I knew who was in there with her. Kakashi, Sasuke, Sakura and the knucklehead. "Hey, Sakura-san. Mission went well?" I asked, completely ignoring her teammates.

"Naturally!" Naruto bragged. I just shook my head, turning to Tsunade to see her facial expression – she was about to pop!

"So, this is cute to you, huh?" She asked, clearly not amused.

"I thought it was something you would need to see immediately. So naturally I brought it right over." I played innocent, but I knew the twinkle in my eyes was giving me away.

"Denied! And don't make me send this sample to ANBU to test for forgery!" She slapped the request paper with her DENIED stamp. I couldn't hold in the laughter anymore.

"What is it?" Naruto grabbed the paper, reading it aloud. "Request of official name change. Birth name: Senju Tsunade. Rank: Hokage. Requested name: Baa-chan." Okay, it was much funnier before he red it out for everyone. He didn't even read the part that said it was requested by himself...

"Aww, it was funny until you did thaaaat!" I whined. That at least got a smirk out of Sasuke. Not that I cared. "Anyway, I'll get back to work then. Oh, Shizune did say to remind you about your three-thirty appointment. And if you want I can bring something to drink afterward."

"Oh, is Ai-chan working for Hokage-sama now?" Kakashi asked, eye smiling. That little crinkle in your eye is not cute, it's more disturbing that it's the only thing I can actually see.

"I could tell you... but I'd have to kill you afterward." I intoned, already seeing myself out.

"Mah, mah. No need, it's not that important." He sweatdropped. Stupid question... stupid answer.

"See you later, Sakura-san." I closed the door behind me, wondering why I had to go in there in the first place.

"Who was that? And why was she wearing a leaf on her forehead?" Naruto's voice carried really well.

"Senju Ai, my grand niece." Tsunade announced. I felt my heart swirl at that. I wasn't some weird gender swapping chick from another planet... I was her family. I belonged!

"Hnn." And I just pissed off the Uchiha by existing. Wonderful.

#-#

* * *

I was out and about, looking for a nice bottle of sake for Tsunade. I knew her three-thirty with Inuzuka Tsume was going to cause a bit of an uproar, but I did inform her of the altercation myself. And I made sure to inform her that Hinata and Shino saw the whole thing.

Still, I couldn't help but feel bad that I caused her more stress with how I reacted. I knew it was possible to walk away without causing a scene – I just didn't want to think of one at the time. So as an apology I was going to buy her a nice bottle of sake with my own money – I would have used the petty cash in my drawer otherwise.

On my way back to the tower, I realized that I still didn't know the Clan Laws that I now legally fall under. That would have to change, and quick. I didn't have the benefit of being bred for that shit and prepped from the time I could read, so I would have to make up with desire to exceed.

I knocked on Tsunade's door. It was going on four o'clock, so there was no doubt her three-thirty had left already. "Enter." So I did. In my hand was the most expensive bottle of rice beer (b.k.a. sake) I could afford.

"Tsunade-sama," The 'sama' suffix was new, but I felt she deserved that level of respect. "I brought you something as an apo-" Shit... Tsume was still in there. And from the look on her face, she was waiting for me to waltz in. I bowed, trying to be as proper as I could – my behavior reflected on the Senju clan... I wasn't about to fuck that up. Not again! "Inuzuka-san. Please, accept my humblest apologies for my earlier behavior towards your son. It wasn't-"

My spur of the moment speech was cut short when she started laughing – which really sounded like barking. And no, the dog with her was not laughing. "Don't even worry about it, Ai. He got what he deserved. I do however appreciate that you aren't proud of it." Her gaze was more serious now, but there was a twinkle in her eyes. "Besides, when I heard about it, Hana was busy doing worse than you ever could." Ouch. That sounds unpleasant.

"Thank you, Inuzuka-san. I hope he learns from this." I bowed again, before remembering why I came in there in the first place. "I kinda bought this to make up for adding to your workload, Tsunade-sama. However, if Inuzuka-san would like some too..." I left that up in the air, offering the bottle to the former of the two. From the low whistle Tsume gave, I take it it was a good choice.

"That's some fancy stuff. You must be really sorry!" Well, it did cost nearly twenty-five thousand Ryou. There were more expensive ones available, just none I could afford.

"Ai, please tell me you didn't spend your entire paycheck on this." Tsunade was studying me to make sure I didn't dance around her question.

"Of course not." Just most of it.

"I know you better than that. I understand your feelings, but that money is supposed to be to buy necessities. It was not meant to waste-"

"It wasn't a waste." I interrupted. I knew where she was going, but there was a point to make. "As a member of the Senju clan, my behavior should reflect that of the long history and pride of a noble clan. And my actions betrayed that. Honestly, this doesn't even cover half of what I feel I owe." She piped down, letting me have my say. "Besides, I have enough left to buy some basic things until my next paycheck."

"Very well. But please refrain from the action next time, instead of splurging on my bad habits." She didn't want to agree with me, I can tell. But she sees enough logic in my reasoning to not hamper me. I really need to figure out how much money I have and how much that money is worth... this guessing game every time is getting old.

"Of course, Tsunade-sama. If you'll excuse me." I exited, closing the door behind me. I didn't move though – not for want of eavesdropping... more like I couldn't. My knees were knocking together and I could feel my hands trembling.

"If Kiba had half her humility, he'd be one hell of a shinobi."

#-#

* * *

That night when we got home, I started pestering Tsunade. Not for the sake of annoying her, but more about me making the most of time I have.

"Please... We can start with one scroll and we'll see where it goes from there!" I begged. With my eyes, on my knees, clutching her leg and forcing her to drag me everywhere she went. Anything that was needed!

"Ai, you're only ten. Those are things you don't need to worry about for at least another decade. Maybe not even then." She told me, not giving an inch.

"That's not true! If I start studying Clan Laws now, when I get there I'll already know what I'm talking about! There is logic in my starting now and you know it..." In a battle of wills, she who is the most stubborn wins. This might well be a long, drawn out fight.

"Be that as it may, it is only interesting when dealing with the council. And I have no intention of letting you face that crowd any time soon. Other than that, it is just a cluster of rules meant to give me a headache! The answer is and remains 'no'." Fine, make me get rough with you.

"But if I know the Clan laws, and the Laws of Konoha, I'll be better equipped to deal with people who are trying to moon me over. It will ensure that I don't need to knee the next 'Kiba' that comes along, which will ensure that I don't waste more money trying to buy you really-"

"You're not giving up until I agree, are you." I shook my head, no. "What was your next argument then?"

"That Sasuke already knows the laws by heart. And we can't let the Uchiha get a one up on us." I smiled – well smirked really. An age old rivalry like that will have to gain some leeway in my favor!

"And if that didn't work." The look in her eyes already told me I'd won. She's just curious now.

"That I could help tone Naruto down by educating him and teaching him proper etiquette. Bribe him with ramen to stop calling you 'Baa-chan'. Anything that would get a reaction out of you really." She rolled her eyes. I can be persistent when I want to be – and I REALLY want this!

"Fine. You get one scroll a week to read. No overdoing it though, and it better not affect your schoolwork!" I can quote any lecture Iruka has given up until now. Hell, I can quote lectures from my medical education! This won't affect shit – well, not negatively at least.

"Thank you!" I jumped up, hugging her. "Hey, Shizune-nee, you want some help cooking?"

#-#

* * *

After dinner the trials and tribulations of studying the bane of all societies began. I was studying law. The first scroll was on Senju Clan Laws – she started with what matters most to her – no, to our clan. I can appreciate that.

By the time I had read the first Law, I was hooked beyond hope of ever putting down the scroll. "Every true Senju must love, believe, cherish and fight for the sake of the clan, as their ancestors had done before them." Those words struck something in me. A chord that resonated so personally, so completely. The will of fire...

"Second Law: Every true Senju must strive to be stronger than the previous generation." Holy shit! That is a hell of a task... to surpass Tsunade! But... that would mean that she feels the need to surpass her grandfather and granduncle! Two legends of the old world. Senju Hashirama, the only man capable of standing up to Uchiha Madara. And Senju Tobirama, who was proclaimed to be the ultimate water release user!

These are men I must now strive to surpass as well. I reached into my pocket, grabbing my leaf and placing it on my forehead. I focused on keeping it there, moving on to law number three.

"Ai, are you still reading that scroll? I told you to go to bed an hour ago." Tsunade said. I can tell she's both pleased with my determination and peeved with me not listening to her. Medics will always care about the basic needs of the body, and sleep is one of them.

"Law thirty-two: A debt owed, is a debt paid. Never forget what you owe another, be it monetary or otherwise... Your honor is dictated by the adherence to these laws. Learn them well." I read aloud. "That last part is not a law, but is in the same handwriting. Someone wrote this for you."

"You could say that." She had a faraway look in her eyes. "That scroll was written by Uncle Tobirama. Before it was written our laws were handed down orally."

"Whoa... I'm part of a clan that has oral laws..." That made the Senju sound even more ancient, more mystical. That is soo much cooler! "So there's more than what's been written down. There has to be." I wasn't going to stop until I knew them all by heart. I noticed her smile, but I didn't need her confirmation. There was a reason it was never written down before, so it stands to reason that this is just the tip of the iceberg.

"Either way, it's time for little girls to go to sleep. I don't want you stumping your growth simply because your insatiable curiosity is running away with you." She smiled, but tried looking stern anyway. I rolled up the scroll, tied it properly and put it in the desk drawer. Luckily I already had my PJs on, which was yet another thing I had to get used to. Sometimes I wonder if men and women really were from different planets – everything I'm going through is telling me that I'm not in Kansas anymore... too bad I don't have those damn slippers to get back home.

"Good night, Ai." Tsunade kissed me on the noggin, offered a brief hug and tucked me into bed. Yeah, she even turned off the light on the way out. This all may well be alien, this might truly be nothing I've ever experienced... but one day at a time... it's becoming familiar.

#-#

* * *

"Can you stand?" Shizune asked, trying to mask all emotion. I had taken a nasty fall, but that's what training was about: making mistakes and learning from it.

"mmph." I hope that came out as 'I'm fine'... I doubt it though. I sucked it up and started getting up. My breathing is ragged, I'm sweating worse than on my first date, I'm pretty sure my face is flushed. Yup, good workout!

"That's enough for one day." She told me, helping to steady me. I'd had my ass handed to me, that much was certain. But you should see the other guy – that training dummy was toast! I looked over to see the damage.

Not a scratch on him... Mou! "It's official, I suck." I complained. Getting used to this damn 'soap on a rope, ninja style' is total bullshit! Who the hell fights with a kunai at the end of a five meter rope?

"It's your first day with a new weapon. No one expects you to start out on top." She soothed, dabbing at the weeping wound on my cheek. Yes, I cut myself... the rope is sharper than it looks!

"... nn..." I didn't like it, but that made sense. Still, sucking like a baby on a pacifier SUCKS! At least I wasn't tying myself up during an attack though. There WAS progress! Sort of.

Her hands were glowing green, hovering around my face. Slowly the pain and soreness was sapped away, leaving only my disappointment. "Tomorrow will be better." That's a lie, and I know it.

"No... it won't. But the day after might be." I told her. She didn't seem to know how to respond to that. It's not like it mattered though. Even if I suck tomorrow, I'd still keep going. I have to find some way to surpass the generation that preceded me. And I will find some way to do just that.

"Did you want something to eat?" Her eyes seemed to smile, even though her lips didn't.

"No... I'll just clean myself up..." I said, wondering how long it really took Tsunade to become the legend she is.

#-#

* * *

Making my way to the bathroom, I couldn't help but notice something: there were almost no pictures on the walls. There were a few drawings – traditional Japanese as far as I can tell, but I'm no expert. The house felt... sterile. I'd have to bug Tsunade about letting me do something about that.

Once the door was closed behind me – I still don't get the whole no locks on any doors thing – I started stripping down to my unmentionables. We were training in the dojo, so I didn't have to wear a jacket or shoes. Still I had a skin tight sleeveless shirt and matching pants – both a dark gray. Then there was the trainee bra – which I still see no point in wearing, it's not like it's hiding anything. And last but not least was the panty I have learned to accept as comfortable – still that same basic type that I won't be trading any time soon.

That was all the clothes I had on, so that meant it was time to scrub down. I grabbed two bowls, filling them both with hot water. One bowl got some shower gel, which I immediately dipped a wash rag into to help it bubble up quicker. I still wasn't comfortable with being able to see so many details of a girl's body – this isn't like looking at your wife in the shower, this was more like ogling your daughter (which is wrong on so many levels).

Still, I wasn't exactly going to give Tsunade half a chance to come in here and 'show me how it is done'... that was actually worse! One of the reasons I never ever want to go to the public baths – too much damage to my male pride... if it even survived this fucking long.

After scrubbing down every inch, and using only that special stuff I was instructed to clean downstairs with every time I bathed, I rinsed it all away. After that I filled both bowls again, and set about washing my hair.

I hate my hair. Back when things made sense I was used to my dirty blond hair that I didn't pay much attention to – it got washed when I bathed and cut when the wife said it got too long.

Now... it's black. Jet black. And yes, I can actually tell the difference between shades of black – weird enough as it is. Hanabi has a deep blue kind of black, so if the sun gleams off it you can see slight blue to it. Matsuri has more of a pitch black – where it's black no matter what you do. I think her hair would laugh at bleach if she ever tried to blond it.

Mine kinda falls somewhere in between the two. And it's getting longer. It's shoulder length now, and starting to show signs of distress – which Shizune calls 'hairdresser emergency' signs. She has an appointment for me later – seeing that she knew today was going to be my day off from school.

With a little luck – and a lot of begging – I convinced her to invite Hanabi to come along. At least I won't suffer through this alone. Shizune doesn't count, she's the one dragging me there!

Kou is going to be there too – poor guy. I wonder if Cat or Boar is on duty today? Nah, they both probably stuck Tiger with the job – poor Yugao. She seems to get every shift where the two guys refuse to keep watch.

I still need to ask why I am being monitored around the clock though. Maybe it has something to do with me being a Senju? Or maybe they just don't trust others to not try stupid shit – people are known for trying stupid shit.

Anyway, I think I've let that shampoo sit long enough. I took the first bowl and held it one handed, using my other hand to help rinse the stuff out my hair. You'd think that I would be allowed to keep one trait that I was used to, but no. Nothing, no single detail about this body is anything like the one I've gotten used to in my thirty years. And I am somehow expected to get used to this?

It's taking me every waking moment so far to get used to being short again. Let alone these long fingers, gangly arms and matchstick legs. There's barely an ounce of fat anywhere, no matter how much I eat. And even my toes are different. I have a mole just under my right ankle and three red dots on my left wrist – two right on the veins, one between them forming a tiny triangle.

And my eyes... are light brown. I had green eyes before. But no, brown eyes. And Asian split eyes too. A tiny nose, sharp chin... and dimples when I smile – who the fuck gave me cutesy fucking dimples? And the thin eyebrows that seem to be more for decoration than any practical use. Well, better than a unibrow...

I sighed, grabbing the second bowl to wash my face properly. After I was certain every last molecule of soap, shampoo and dirt was separated from my person, I dried the bowls and put them back, making my way to the tub. Steam was rising from the water surface, like rice about to boil. Way too fucking hot, but it felt so good on my skin!

Footsteps were coming down the hall. "Ai, you mind if I join you?" Fuck! If I say yes will you go away? The door opened to the joint room – where you get undressed and place the clean clothes you intend to change into. Also where you find the washing machine and the hamper for dirty clothes.

Another door opened, revealing Shizune wearing nothing but a smile. My eyes locked with hers, me offering a lopsided grin – something of a mix of comfort knowing that I could trust her in this kind of intimate setting, and the abject horror of knowing that seeing every detail of her body wasn't a turn on.

"Why so glum?" She asked not covering so much as an inch. She wasn't embarrassed in the least, seeing this as nothing more than two girls bathing together. Carrying on with her usual habits like nothing was out of the ordinary – as far as I can guess, this is the first time I've bathed with either of them. There was one time that Tsunade actually did help me bathe – I had flatly refused to touch anything my panty should cover.

After swearing about things I'm pretty sure I've never heard any one swear about, Tsunade literally grabbed my hand, placed a washrag in it with that special goo to clean down there with and forced my hand to clean it properly. Top to bottom, might I add.

I had never felt so awkward in my life. So I promised I'd wash properly, just so that she didn't feel the need to repeat the experience.

I sighed, shaking away those thoughts as best I could. "Nothing." I lied. She started washing down, giving me a side view to everything. A month ago I would be recording this for future fappy adventures... now I'm just wondering if my figure will develop like hers. A decent B-cup, which was clearly well cared for – seeing as she's nearly thirty and no sagging in sight. Wide hips, but not overly wide. And a gentle puff of pubic hair. All the things I used to care about with females...

Only now, I notice the flawless skin as well. I see her toned muscles rippling as she goes about her business. I see the sheen of her hair that tells me she cares for it. I see the lack of dead skin on her knuckles that most shinobi seemed to have. I see the remnants of a bruise that was all but healed on her left bicep. I see the tiny nipples telling me she's never brought a baby to term.

I can see every detail, sharp enough to make a guy grab his lubricant. And I am utterly unaffected by it. Her eyes meet mine again.

"Are you okay, Ai? You seem sad." Maybe because I am. I shrugged anyway, looking away in hopes of hiding any emotion my eyes might betray.

"Just stuff, I guess." I knew it was pointless. She already picked up on something bothering me, and she wouldn't stop until she made me cry – like she found some twisted pleasure in it.

"I'm not going to bite, you know." I turned to ask what she meant, but it seemed that I was no longer alone in the tub. She motioned for me to come to her. I refused, not wanting to have the obvious rubbed in my face once again.

The tub was large enough for four or five people, so I could have easily just sat out of reach, finish up and get dressed without incident. If she had let me.

"Hey." She tried to get my attention again, scooting over to close the gap between us. Even though she didn't come next to me one time, it was too close for comfort – this way I could still pretend that I was trying to stay faithful to the wife, instead of feeling like someone that just woke up one day craving a dick in his ass. "Hey!"  
I'm ignoring you, can't you tell.

To bad she didn't care, she grabbed my chin and pulled enough so our eyes could meet. I just gazed at her dully. "What's wrong?"

"Noth-"

"Ai, please, I just want to help." She put her arm around me, having finally made it close enough for our sides to rub together. Yup, it's over. I'm going to hell.

Sitting next to a completely naked woman who wants to be anything I need her to be... that should be the opening scene to my personal porn paradise. Instead, all I feel is comfort... why? "it doesn't matter." I was more answering my mental rant, but she didn't need to know that.

"Yes, it does matter. It matters to you, and it matters to me. Talk to me... please." She's begging me with her eyes and her tone sounds almost desperate for me to open up to her – to trust her.

"I-" I knew what words to use. "I-" I knew the value of the message she needed me to get across to her. "I... can't." I just couldn't get it off my chest.

"Are you uncomfortable?" No, but that's the exact problem now isn't it. I shook my head, suddenly unsure if no really was the real answer. "Yes, you are. Why?" I shrugged, wishing both for her to figure it out and to just leave it the fuck alone. "Is it because you feel aroused?" I sighed.

My head shook from side to side before I could stop it.

"No that's not the reason...?" She's studying my response. "or no you're not aroused...?" I sighed again. "Ai, are you uncomfortable with me, because you're not turned on by me?" This time I heaved a sigh that drained me. Not just physically, but emotionally too. She finally got it.

That's me, the world's first hetero-homosexual that's neither a transvestite nor bisexual. Wonderful ain't it? Don't look at me, I can't make any more sense of it than you can... Who knew going straight would make me feel so fucking gay...

#-#

* * *

"Tsunade-sama, you don't understand. She's at war with herself about this! You need to talk to her, to help her!" I don't know why Shizune thinks I can't hear her. The door isn't exactly soundproof. Why didn't she just drop me off at the Hyuuga compound to deal with this?

"And do what? As hard as it is, this is something she needs to come to terms with. You can't force her one way or another." Tsunade does have a point... it's not any more comforting, but it's true at least. This really is something I need to figure out.

"I don't know if I can do that..." God, her voice sounds so small – so broken. "You didn't see the look in her eyes... she couldn't even come out and say it. I had to guess most of it."

"Do you feel uncomfortable around her, Shizune?" Tears were blinding me before-

"Of course not! I'm worried about her! She's so scared right now... so lost." Well, fuck. I managed to get out of the house tear-free, only to start blubbering in public. What a fucking upgrade. "I'd do anything to take away her pain right now... that's why I can't-"

"I agree with you." Tsunade interrupted. "I would give anything to make this easier on her. But there is nothing I can give. There are no shortcuts, no serums... no easy fixes. All either of us can do is keep close to her and pray she'll talk to us about it on her own terms." Deciding that I had received enough of an invite – seeing I was the main fucking topic anyway – I entered without knocking. I don't know why I had to get involved, but their voices were...

"umm... hey..." Impulsive bullshit 101 – never have a plan when entering your bosses office on your off day.

"How much did you hear?" Tsunade asked. Straight to the point.

"the door was partly open, and there was no privacy jutsu... it wasn't exactly hard to hear all of it." They both blushed – had that been a vital conversation regarding village secrets, it would have spelled disaster. Luckily (for them) it was just (my) personal business.

"Do you want to-" I shook my head before she even finished the usual convo-opening-salvo.

"I'm not really even sure why I felt I needed to butt in... I just feel bad about having you go through this because of-"

"Ai, don't say that! Don't even think that! We love you! We just want to be there for you... can't you see?" Shizune didn't cry, but her eyes were a bit shinier than usual.

"I..." I was shaking my head left to right, trying to find the words. I sighed, took a deep breath and hoped it came out right. I'm used to being around people that care for me, but people who understand me is something new. "I understand how you both feel, and I know you want to help me... but I don't know how. Everything that's happening right now... i just..."

"Just... what?" Shizune encouraged. She was – well, both of them really... They were both so unassuming, so willing to listen. They wanted to help me so bad, but they want me to figure this out too.

I guess I wouldn't be able to hold this back forever. "it feels wrong either way." Having finally said it, finally saying the words... it felt like a weight had been lifted. It didn't solve a damn thing – I wasn't any closer to any answers. And yet, it felt easier to bare now. Fucking weird!

"What does?" Her eyes showed she already understood, she just wanted me to get it off my chest. I offered her a little smile as a thank you for that – I just hoped she understood.

"both. girls feel wrong, but boys-" I shrugged, "do too." She nodded gravely, understanding me entirely. She went on to say how that was okay, and I had time to figure it out, and it didn't matter what I chose in the end. Fucking liar, she already knew where this was going. I knew it, she knew it. But that was just the thing that I was pissed off about in the first place.

I held in the sigh this time... but soon things were going to get more complicated... it wasn't that hard to see coming really.

#-#

* * *

Once out of the office and on our way to the hairdresser's, things decided to get complicated on their own. Of course they did, why wouldn't they.

Uchiha Sasuke decided to announce his rise to prickdom. "Senju." He stopped right in my path – oh fuck no, he was just in the fucking way.

I crossed my arms. If you want to call my clan name like it was a disease – well two can play that game. "Shithead."

His eyes widened, obviously he wasn't used to people openly disliking him. Fuck politeness, just get the hell outta the way. "Hnn."

Deciding to take the high road, I made to walk around him – giving him a fairly wide berth, mind you. And yet he moved to get in the way again. I turned to Shizune, mutely warning her that if she didn't handle this, I would. "Sasuke, stop being rude. Ai and I have an appointment you're making us late to."

"It can wait." Sasuke informed her, turning to me. "You-"

"I have nothing positive to say to you." I pointedly informed him. Which was a hundred percent true. "Now, should you request an audience with me – via the proper channels – I may find some time in my busy schedule."

"Proper channels?" He seems confused. Of course, he's used to brain dead chicks tossing their panties at him.

"I am not of age yet." Duh! I'm only ten! I think... "So should you wish an audience with me you must request such from my legal guardian. You should know these things, Uchiha-san." Good luck getting Tsunade to green-light anything. Prick.

"Not acceptable." He moved to come closer to me. Luckily Tiger really was on duty – her purple hair was a dead give away. She now stood between me and 'Prick Prickly', her sword drawn to show she meant business.

"Need I remind Uchiha-san that I am neither a commoner nor below you. There is protocol that must be followed." I informed him. Sure, I was curious with what he wanted. Hell I'll even admit I might have been willing to talk to him. But not with him thinking I was under his control.

"Hnn." Was all he said, before turning and heading towards the Hokage Tower. Thank you, Senju clan laws!

"Thank you, Tiger." I bowed – properly (hands folded together in stead of at my side), seeing that Shizune had been teaching me how to not act like a boy. She inclined her head, and vanished as quickly as she had appeared. I'll be making a point of getting her something nice – I wonder what she likes?

#-#

* * *

The second we entered the salon, things went straight to hell. Hanabi and I had an appointment, but they were currently overbooked. I just laughed at the predicament – I didn't care.

"This is not acceptable." Kou announced, getting mad before Hanabi got the chance to. There were apologies, promises to tend to us quickly, and other such crap. I was trying not to laugh. Trying.

"you don't seem to mind." Hanabi whispered to me.

"nope." I smiled a bit too wide. "watch, you'll see why."

"You expect me to inform the heiresses to the Hyuuga and Senju clans that their appointment has been annulled without prior announcement?" Yup, that did it. I giggled, killing what Kou was trying to do. Well, that or block out what was said next.

"Very well. I shall simply have to inform Hiashi-sama that an agreement with this establishment is all but worthless." Nice save. The woman behind the register was about to panic – two major clans refusing to come here was not good for business.

We were being seated before I could giggle at the look on her face. Who knew salons worked like any other business.

Both Hanabi and I were handed magazines with possible hairstyles, colors and the like while someone started washing our hair and working in all kinds of things I didn't know or care to identify.

This is the challenging part – I actually have to choose a nice hairstyle. Somehow this never occurred to me before. "Which one do you like?" I asked Hanabi, hoping for some guidelines.

She didn't disappoint. "I'm just here for a trim and treatment. You however won't need anything more than evening out the sides. I doubt you'd like the fancier styles." Yup, Hanabi was definitely on my good list – short as hell, but she made the cut!

"That sounds about right. Thanks, Nabi-chan." I winked at her, hoping she wouldn't mind the nickname – girls shorten their friends names sometimes, right?

"You sound like Hinata-nee calling me that." She rolled her eyes. A long suffered nickname I stumbled onto? Score!

"Do my ears deceive me?" My hand shot up to cover my mouth in mock surprise. "Did the all powerful Hyuuga-sama just commit to... girl talk?" The last part was said in barely more than a whisper, to make it seem like I was talking about some heinous crime. I tried to keep up the act, but the annoyed look on her face... I giggled.

"Ai... are you. Giggling?" She was actually surprised. This isn't some ploy to tease me or annoy me in any way. But then, it is the first time she's seen me mirthful – something I haven't seen much from myself lately.

"Not my fault." I tossed up my hands like I was under arrest. "Bad company." I winked at her.

She snorted. "Says the one that nearly beheaded the Inuzuka boy below the waist."

I bit my lip, before I started laughing out loud. "You had to see the look on his face when it hit him though." I went cross-eyed with my mouth forming a little 'o'. I turned so she could see me, which caused her and the two ladies washing our hair to laugh.

"You're terrible!" She managed between peels of giggles.

"Years of practice." I shrugged, trying to look innocent-ish. From the corner of my eye I could see Shizune watching us. She had this look of contentment, like she was finally starting to accept that things really would be alright. Or maybe it was me 'acting my age'. Either way, I decided immediately I loved seeing her happy.

Not long after – with us just chatting away to pass the time – it was styling time. I explained the man (guy in a salon...?) that I just need him to even it out. Nothing fancy, just practical. He almost seemed disappointed, his problem not mine.

Again more chatting between Hanabi and me followed. This time I could see Kou and Shizune talking amongst themselves – theorizing the changes in both of us, if my guess was right.

I didn't learn anything interesting – other than that my hair was the perfect length for a 'horizon cut'? The idiot just meant that he would comb all my hair back and make a single cut. That would let my hair have the simple design I want and he could still have some creative say in the whole thing. Whatever.

"So, what do you think about Konohamaru?" Hanabi decided to ask. My eyebrow shot up.

"Why...?" Did she like him?

"I dunno, he's the only one you ever talk to in school besides me. And you never turn down any sparring opportunities with him. Is there something there?" She asked, her face held neutrally.

"Fishing in the dark, or checking availability?" I wondered out loud. She didn't blush, but I could tell she wanted to. "Well, I think he's strong. A bit of a goofball from time to time, but that can be a good thing. He's-" I stopped to think. Hmm, was there something there? "not my type though. I prefer quiet and nerdy." Partly true, that's the type of girl I went for. Fuck, go for! Umm... whatever. She seemed... relieved?

"He's going to be somebody though." Her eyes are far far away. Shit, going for that type must run in the family! Suddenly, and most definitely unbidden, a picture of Neji and Anko popped into my mind.

The giggling that followed was hard to explain away. (^-^)''

#-#

* * *

After checking myself in the mirror one last time, I decided that I liked my hair a little more. No matter how much mister perfect-score-on-the-gaydar begged, I still stuck with Hanabi's suggestion. My hair was now evenly cut – not the 'horizon cut' he mentioned where it was first combed back then cut. It was simple, practical and cute. I like it.

And the first thing I do with my new hairstyle? I wash out all the crap they put into it! Shizune almost had a fit when I told her that. Oh well. My hair, my rules.  
I washed it the way I always washed it, combed it out with a wooden comb I bought just for this occasion. And then I flicked it into a pony tail – which I was then forced to agree to only wear my hair like that in the house. Once outside I had to let my hair down – and the point of that is...? She's probably just put out that I went through all that shit and washed out whatever treatment they put in my hair. Hey, I suggested a regular ass barber, but she wanted a salon! Hairdresser my ass.

"I'm home!" I could hear Tsunade announce. I dashed from the living room to the entrance to welcome her, and to see if she'd notice the... difference... Yup, I'm being converted.

"Welcome home, Tsunade-sama. How was your day?" She was taking off her shoes – we tend to not wear footwear at all in the house.

"It was work." She intoned, obviously not wanting to talk about it. Work is taboo, got it. "You got your hair done." I beamed, glad she noticed without me having to point it out.

"Shizune brought me to the salon." I made a face. "At least Hanabi-chan was there with me." I noticed her tilted her head this way then that, like she was deciding if she liked it or not.

I rolled my eyes, removing the scrunchy and combing through my hair with my fingers to put it back in form. "Hmm, much nicer like that. Why not just leave your hair down?"

"Heh, heh... I um... kinda notice that everyone thinks so... but I need something that won't get in my eyes while fighting too." I tried to ignore the knowing smile on her face.

"And this has nothing to do with you wanting a gender neutral hairstyle?" Her eyebrow was suspiciously high...

"Denial is a necessary phase of coping." I humphed. Why can't I at least have denial without having to admit to denying?

She didn't say anything, just smiled. She then petted my hair and we walked into the house together. I... I knew she was right, that denying wouldn't and couldn't last forever. Sometimes it's better to just face it head on... but for a guy born and raised in a macho society where if you were anything but a skirt chaser you were gay... it didn't make the transition any easier.

"Fine, make me think that logic is better than emotional comfort." I groused. She just smiled a little wider. The smile sent a clear message, as far as I was concerned at least – I'm not judging you either way. That's what I wanted it to mean at least, but somehow I didn't think she would.

We all sat down to the table, Shizune seemed to know Tsunade's timing to a 'T'. With a brief 'Itatakimasu', which I wasn't exactly used to saying yet, we dug in. Meals were never very embellished, they served purpose – we are hungry, we need certain nutrients, this food fills both. It was practical, and I liked that. "Uchiha Sasuke came to me today." Tsunade began. Shit. I had actually forgotten about that – I had too much fun teasing and chatting with Hanabi. The fact that it happened in a salon meant little, it could have just as easily been in school, or the park.

"Did he want something?" I asked, partly curious but not really caring either way.

"He did." She took another bite of her food, probably checking if I found this interesting in the least.

I shrugged, taking another bit of the curry tofu. Shizune makes the best curry tofu around! "Oh, Hanabi is having a sleep over next weekend. Is it okay if I go? She's only inviting a few girls from school. Matsuri, Futaba and Yun. Hiashi-sama says it's a good chance for Hanabi to strengthen the bonds between Hanabi and a few members of other clans – some political background that I didn't quite follow." I explained. I really have no patience for politics. Give me a patient who needs to be washed five times a day, or a book covering bio-chemistry. But politics may as well be written in Russian as far as I'm concerned.

"That sounds like a good idea. Do you know which clans the other girls are from?" Tsunade asked, smiling.

"Umm, not really. Matsuri is smart, but a bit lazy. She might be a Nara. Yun is like a younger Tenten, but I don't know what clan she's from either. Futaba... well blond is typical of a Yamanaka, but I never thought to ask." I answered honestly. What clan they were from meant little to me. I know that Matsuri is smart, and she's cool to compare notes with when we have one of Iruka's strategy lessons. Yun is great fun with kunai practice, she currently knows the most kunai related jutsu in the class. And Futaba, once you get her talking – not an easy feat – she is actually really fun to hang with. That's all the counted to me.

"Close enough, but maybe you should ask them. It's good to know about the many clans of Konoha, not just the famous ones. And aren't you curious what Sasuke wanted?" Yup, diverting didn't chase her off the trail.

"You know me well enough. Would I be interested in what he wants?" I wondered.

"I'll let you decide that. He wants to talk to you. To thank you." She said. Yeah right, Sasuke wants to thank someone?

"For what?" And why does that sound like a good excuse to meet me to get to what he really wants.

"He wouldn't say." She's gauging my reaction, probably to see if I would know more. Sorry, no help here.

"He treats me like a thief at market, ignores Shizune's statement that we were already late and needs an ANBU to understand that I am not interested in talking to him... so he can thank me for something I have no clue about?" I don't believe that for a second.

"I take it your not interested?" She wondered, fishing for something more.

"Interested in what? What are the parameters, the reasons, the point. All I know is that he wants something from me and I don't trust him enough to believe it to be positive. So no. Unless I know more, I'm not interested." I honestly would rather swim with sharks than give him what he wants right now.

Prick probably thinks I should be mooning over him so that he can use my ovaries to rebuild the Uchiha clan. Or some such bullshit.

#-#

* * *

The next day was another free day – weekends are freaky like that. I was going to hang out with Hanabi later. Getting some shopping done – her words, not mine. But for now, I'm enjoying my reading. I'm not allowed to get another scroll on any kind of law, but I was allowed one on basic Suiton! Don't really know why I was allowed it, but you won't be hearing a complaint from me.

This one was from the Library that I was never to mention ever actually existed. So it was never to leave this house, and I could never-

Look, it doesn't exist. Simple as that. Wait, I'm reading a secret scroll that only clansmen could ever hope to see! Nice!

The theory it covered was simple enough – compared to understanding why the lining of the stomach is semi-permeable and only lets certain chemical compounds through into the bloodstream. No, it wasn't that simple, at all in fact. But it was tolerable. I didn't get a headache trying to understand it.

Well, the only cool thing is that it has certain exercises that I can do on my own to start my Suiton training. That sounded cool, no matter how you looked at it. It was a bit off that in the Land of Fire, Senju were known for Wood and Water. Well, life is just full of surprises.

And, true to my personal quirks, I was reading with a leaf attached to my forehead. Something that Tsunade and Shizune are starting to tune out. I'm pretty sure they won't start complaining so long as I don't yap about youth, wear a green leotard or challenge everyone I know to stupid shit that doesn't even matter.

Although it might be fun to tease them with it, just once. "So I need to take my neutral chakra, and via this special meditation and hand signs I can convert it to elemental chakra. This is a test of potential." That sounds like the Grand Fireball jutsu Sasuke started learning while he was in the Academy. Well, if he can do it, I can too! … I think.

I'll start on this meditation tonight, after dinner. But, wouldn't it be good to know my element first? Well, I'll bug Shizune about that. Tsunade already left for the office, and Shizune's leaving soon to help her (keep her from drinking sake all day and generally just slack off).

"Nee-san?" I went looking for my answers, before she left for the day.

"In here, Ai." I heard from down the hall. Following her voice, I found myself in room filled with shelves upon shelves of books, scrolls, tablets. A lot of shit that I wasn't going to be allowed to know the contents to for a long ass time. "You needed something?" She asked, obviously trying to get my attention.

"Yeah, I read about elemental manipulation and it kinda got me curious." She was looking around for something, only partly listening to me. "I wanted to know how I could get my hands on some chakra paper to find out what my element is." She's still barely paying attention, looking for something.

"I see." She seemed to find something, tapping it and pulling it out from the pile it was buried under. "Well, you can always buy one at any shinobi outfitting store. As well, you were looking for your own kind of weapon right? I mean, it's obvious the Kusarigama isn't your thing."

"You were teaching me that thing just to see if I would be able to handle it?" I was sadly very impressed. "Cool."

"Yeah." She said almost noncommittally. "Here, this is also something for you." She handed me the scroll she was searching for. The title read: Weapons Basics. "I'd advise you to steer clear of anything with rope or wires."

"Ha, ha! Someone's in a good mood." I humphed, sarcasm dripping from my tone. I took the scroll anyway.

"Maybe, but I have good reason." There was no life in her smile. "Tsunade-sama's been like a mother to me. She's cared for me, raised me... ever since uncle Dan died, she's been all I have." Where's she going with this? "She's asked me to help train you... so that you may one day be what she sees as a... _true Senju_." That statement seemed to have a high price.

"Why does that-"

"I am of the Katou clan." Ouch. That... well... that sucks...

"I'm so-"

"Don't be." She smiled, but again there was no life in it.

"Nee-san, please... I-" I was too busy fighting back the tears to hope to have a response. I can understand how she feels – I'm practically stealing her mother from her. "..." What do I say? That I don't want this – I can't, cause I do want this. I want to earn my place among the Senju so bad... but I don't want to replace her.

"what about Tsunade adopting you, naming you her heir...?" I want to be a Senju and I certainly want to be loved by Tsunade, but that doesn't mean me being more important. "i cou-"

"I couldn't care less about that. Nor would I mind if you got it." She smiled sadly, not even bothering to hide how she felt. "The thing is that I'm not used to sharing her... i've gotten spoiled." Traveling with her alone for years, then being her assistant since coming back.

"I understand." I met her eyes, truly, honestly understanding how she felt. "Please, allow me to resign from working at the tower then. Let me give you that part that's just you and her." Something, anything to show her that I truly want her to be happy too.

"Ai you don'-"

"Nee-san, please. If me swallowing my pride gives you something precious to you..." I didn't look away, nor did I wipe away the tears. "I'll tell her when she comes home later. But if you need the extra help at any time, do not hesitate to ask, okay?" I walked up to her, wrapping my arms around her waist.

"you really are something..." Shizune said. I can't tell what's going through her mind right now. I can't even see her to tell how she feels. I just hope... I hope I don't ever come between them. My heart couldn't bear that burden. "Tsunade-sama was right..." I didn't hear the words, so much as I understood her heart at that moment.

Something was discussed between them, and somehow I think this was more of a skit. I dunno why I would ever think that about them. Somehow, it feels true though.

#-#

* * *

Now comes yet another clearly defined difference between this life and the last: I'm starting to enjoy shopping. Not because of buying or trying things. Not because of seeing new stores or playing my part.

It was because it was a good excuse to hang out with Hanabi. She's just fun to be around. Odd that I would ever really think that, especially when considering my earlier impression of her. But she really is fun to be around.

"You know, Nabi-chan, you're going to slip up one day and admit who you like." And teasing her is just that much more fun. She gets flustered easily, but I think that makes her cute.

"If you say so, Ai-chan." She tried not to roll her eyes, but her effort not to blush was a bit more important. Well, that or she rolled her eyes to distract me from her forced non-blush. She's more like her sister than I ever would have guessed. "Hey, what about this one?" She handed me a kimono – you've got to be kidding me.

"Nabi-chan, that's cute and all... but why are you handing it to me?" I tried not to, but I'm sure I sweatdropped anyway. (^-^)''

"To try it on." She raised an eyebrow, obviously asking what the problem was. Hey, I came here to hang out with you! Not to play model or life sized barbie doll!

"But with that fabric and color, it would look so much cuter on you!" Please don't call me on my bullshit... (^-^)''

"Ai. Try it on." She shook the hanger, causing a ripple to quake through the fabric. It didn't look as flimsy as most female ware I knew. It didn't look particularly comfortable either though.

"i've never worn one before." I took the hanger, putting it back among the others. Beside, I don't like wearing olive green. Wait... was that my grand defense? The color was wrong? Fuck.

"Then now's a good time to start. How about this one?" She handed me another kimono, this one had a baby blue backdrop and a white and pink waterfall pattern decorating the entire thing. It was gorgeous. It wasn't over the top like I'm sure most kimono would be. Hell if you looked at it abstractly the waterfall almost looked like one of those Irish knot things that they say brings luck. No, not the four leaf clover... those old (well ancient really) thread knot things they like decorating things with. Whatever...

"..." Fine. I grabbed this one, feeling the fabric. I noticed the pattern moved with my touch, but went back into form the second I withdrew. I think the pink was supposed to represent sakura petals.

"You know you want to, Ai. Now head to the changing room. I'll grab the other stuff you'll need." I don't know what 'other stuff' she means, but I'd never be able to turn this gorgeous thing down! God, I hope I can afford it...

I dashed for the changing room, twirling with the kimono this way then that. Fuck, this is so girly.

"You're talking yourself out of it already? I've only been gone a minute." Hanabi teased, handing me two more hangers. One looked like something you'd wrap food in to keep it good. The other was a bright pink monstrosity that I would sooner shoot than wear. And in her other hand... she had... wooden shoes? I don't mean wood looking, or wood styled. I mean carved out of solid wood and strapped with a sort of butt floss. I eyed the items wearily.

"Who are you strapping that junk to?"

"You. This is stuff you need to put on with what you want to try on." She intoned. After placing the wooden things on the floor she tossed socks at me, hitting my nose.

"You're kidding right? I'll melt!" Three layers of clothing? I mean sure, it's still mid spring. Sure, it does feel quite chilly most mornings. And hell, I'll even give you that I sometimes wish I had worn something a little warmer. But this is... a bit much.

"That is a Komon Kimono. It's as practical as kimonos come – an everyday type garment." She explained, obviously catching on that I knew nothing about kimonos. "Come on, I'll help you." She nudged me further into the changing room, closing the curtain with a flourish.

I was then instructed to strip down to my underwear. Which I had been getting used to – so long as it was around someone I trusted enough.

The first thing I had to do was put on the socks – tabi she called it – and the shoes – geta. Then she handed me a shirt looking food wrap thing. Putting that on – it was like an oversized buttoned shirt without the buttons – she handed me a matching skirt. Both had to be wrapped around me, right first and left covering it. There was a bit of left over cloth on the skirt, like a long wrap around type string. Hanabi grabbed it, wrapped it around me once and made a weird knot and was ready to move on. Next

came the – ode to Sakura – pink thing. It looked like a kimono in it's own right, but-

"You know I'd rather be shot than be seen in that." I told her plainly. She blushed, nodding her agreement.

"It's not supposed to be seen. Only this blue collar is ever going to show." Her blush deepened.

"What, like elaborate underwear?" I wondered. Why wear panty, bra, cheese cloth shirt and skirt and another layer... just for underwear?

"Sort of, yes. The top layer – the komon – keeps the wind at bay, but isn't very warm by itself. This is to keep you warm without making you sweat up a storm."

Whatever you say. I grabbed the pink... I sighed... thing. Slipped my arms into it and let her wrap something around me five or six times. She tied another knot and we moved on. This time, only the top layer had to go on.

Again, right tucked in and left wrapped over it. She tied another long cloth around me to hold it in place, then she went for something I hadn't seen – a wide belt like item. It was... weird. It had a design on it and was lime green.

"This is the obi." She explained. "It's a decorative belt that is meant to bare your clan symbol while wearing a kimono." You've got to be kidding me! I can't bare the Senju clan symbol unless I wear that thing! "Don't give me that look, it's not that bad!" Yes, it is. "Wait until you see the end result before casting judgment." If you say so.

The last item was tied to my person. I felt constricted in the worst way. Still, she dragged me out of the changing room and to a series of full length mirrors. I studied my reflection, wondering who this ten year old girl was staring right back at me. I flicked the trapped hairs from the collars, wondering at this little girl doing the same. Who was this little girl? Did she have a past I knew nothing about? Did she have people that loved her? Would she have enjoyed shopping and chatting and ogling boys discreetly. Would she have dreamed of her wedding day, like most girls tend to. Would she play with dolls? Or were kunai and shuriken more her style?

Would she have given her first kiss to a boy she liked? Would she let said boy take it from her instead?

Curiously I dabbed at the tears on her cheek. My fingers met the cold glass of the mirror, and the tips of her fingers as well. Was she crying because I stole her life?

**End Chapter 3**

**#-#**

* * *

**_A/N: And so we have chapter three. Poor Ai knows what life is bringing her, but she seems to both love and hate it at the same time. Poor thing._**

**_This story is partly influenced and most definitely inspired by Deborah Goldsmith's (ClassicGal) Genma's Daughter. Which, I am please to have learned, was recently added to FanFiction! A must read in my opinion._**

**____****A special thanks to Elivira and Setokaiva, my Betas. Without them none of this would be possible (^-^)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**

**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**

* * *

"Alright class! Pay attention, because I will only explain this once!" Iruka-sensei announced. He only likes to explain anything once. Nothing new there. I looked around, wondering who else noticed the bullshit he was spouting this time.

Hanabi was standing at attention, clearly not caring and just awaiting instruction. Matsuri was rolling her eyes, probably thinking the same as me. Futaba was twiddling her fingers, nervous again. She's wondering if she'd be any good at whatever we were meant to learn this time. Yun was cracking her knuckles, hoping it was a fight if the look on her face was anything to go by.

Konohamaru and his goons – Udon and Moegi – were gearing themselves up for something they feel they can prove themselves in. I rolled my eyes at that. Konohamaru seems to have taken up a rivalry with me – leaving Hanabi mysteriously on the sidelines of our constant fighting. Only, I didn't have the back up goons he did – something he was proud to point out.

Samo – who has been marked as Hanabi's bitch – is just eying Hanabi, to make sure he doesn't piss her off. And... much to my annoyance, Daichi and Kouji are huddled behind me. Who knew there were fanboys in Konoha... or that I'd be the object of their affection... (-.-)''

"Daichi, Kouji, if you two keep trying to sneak up on me I'm going to stab you by accident." I warned, turning my full attention back to Iruka-sensei. Mostly to ignore those two idiots. A kid who won't leave his house without a helmet on his head, and his best friend who thinks wearing a tie is cool... why me?

"Of course Ai-sama! Please, let me take notes for you!" Daichi took out a notepad and a pen and started scribbling frantically. Does he even know that Iruka is waiting for us to pay attention? (^-^)''

#

"Now that I have everyone's attention. We will be working on the bow and arrow today. Now who can tell me the traditional name of the long bow?" He asked. The yumi, duh. But I ain't getting more followers by having an opinion! I nudged Hanabi, who nearly jumped in response. "Yes, Hanabi-chan?"

"Uhh..." Shit, she didn't know. I whispered it into her ear. "The yumi." She kept her face completely neutral, but I could tell she was going to get me back for that later. What? At least I helped her out before she made a fool of herself!

"Very good. Though it is not a weapon most shinobi tend to use outside of times of war it is a useful weapon to practice and master. Now I want everyone to come and claim a bow and five arrows." The sent everyone in a panic. Everyone rushed him, trying to get the best ones – like they'd even know a good bow if they saw it.

I was about to start teasing Hanabi about Konohamaru saying something to her when, "Ai-sama, here. I got one for you already." Kouji announced.

"And I got arrows!" Daichi chirped. Holy shit! How'd they get it done that quick?

"Thanks guys." I smiled at them. They still weird me out, but at least they aren't just drooling and ogling. They both nodded, handed the items to me. It seems they had it planned, seeing that one had three bows in hand, and the other had fifteen arrows. Teamwork. "Good thinking." I smiled a little brighter at them. Maybe having them around wasn't going to be all bad. So long as they understood I wasn't opening my legs to them for this. Then again... they're ten.

I turned to Hanabi, who was getting into an argument with Konohamaru about who would be getting that bow. They were both so clueless about it – there were three more bows that no one was fighting about.

Things are going to be so interesting around here. "Hey guys, let's get to target practice already!" I announced, Kouji and Daichi already hot on my heels.

#

The scroll Shizune had given me on weaponry briefly covered the yumi – and like all weapons it touched on production, care and use. So I sorta knew what I was doing. I stabbed all five arrows in the ground next to me so that they'd stand on their own, and grabbed the bow properly with my left hand. I'd make sure to point out to Hanabi to switched hands since she was left handed – but she'd have to stop indirectly flirting with Konohamaru first.

Anyway, I grabbed the first arrow, selected my target and took aim. Both eyes open, estimated the distance, pulled back with my arrow hand, final adjustments and... released!

I followed the arrow on it's path. It hit the exact center of the bulls-eye! Of the wrong target, but no one needs to know that! "Sugoi! Ai-sama is good at this." Daichi announced, awestruck.

Not really, but who's complaining. He and Kouji took aim at the same time, trying to mimic what I'd done. Mister Salaryman (a nickname I gave Kouji, so that Hanabi knew who I was talking about when I complained) hit the ground in front his chosen (?) target. Bubble boy (Daichi) snapped his bow in two.

"That's not bad Kouji. You just need to apply a little more pressure – not too much though. And Daichi, try pulling back with one arm and just steadying the bow with the other. If you pull with both arms you'll apply too much pressure and snap the bow." Obviously, seeing that's what happened. They both looked a bit embarrassed, probably hoping to make a good impression on me. "Look, take my bow and keep practicing. I'll take yours and explain what happened to sensei, okay?" It was the perfect excuse to not try again and fuck up the image of perfection I'd given them – accident or no. Having followers is rough!

* * *

Later, back in class, I started noticing a few changes to the seating arrangements. Hanabi and I were still seated together, but she was now directly behind Konohamaru. To her left she had Matsuri, and to my right were Kouji then Daichi. I overheard them agreeing to switch seats every day so that they could each have a chance sitting by me. (^-^)''

Class started again, and we were given the general explanation for the Substitution Jutsu. There were WAY too many handsigns for it to be useful (Ram-Boar-Ox-Dog-Snake), so I'll be bugging Shizune later when she's home from the office on how to shorten that shit.

After that, Iruka-sensei asked for a volunteer to show how it was done. I've never gotten a jutsu down on the first time, and this was definitely my first time for this one – so I wasn't exactly going to- "Ai-sama can do it, no problem!" Kouji announced. I wanted to stab my pen into his hand.

"Alright, Ai-chan. Come here please." I'm so beating you senseless when I get out of this. I walked up, repeating the the sequence I needed to do over and over again. "I'm going to give you to the count of five, then I'm going to throw my eraser at you. One..." I was already blazing through handsigns – which wasn't saying much since I've seen Sakura go through them much faster. As much as I like her, she isn't much of a kunoichi to look up to.

When the eraser was thrown, I focused on the target I was switching out with. And I prayed to anyone that would listen for this to work. I felt a twinge in my gut, and my vision melted, swayed and left me damn near seasick. But I was in Kouji-s seat, staring at him taking an eraser to the head.

Seeing the shocked, almost betrayed look on his face... I kinda felt bad for him. No matter how much I thought he deserved it. I started making my way to the front of the class, wetting a napkin in the sink near the door. I helped him clean his face at least. "next time, ask if i feel like being volunteered for something." I whispered. I had to bite my lip to not laugh at the 'war paint' look her was sporting and the moist napkin pieces sticking to his face wasn't helping any.

"Sensei, do you have a washrag?" I asked, taking it upon myself to clean his face – if nothing else. Stupid guilty, responsible side that shouldn't be stopping me from laughing. He tossed something to me, and I helped Kouji look less a mess.

* * *

After school, I figured it was time to lay down the law with Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee. "Kouji, Daichi." They were at my side before their shadows knew they moved. "Listen, I appreciate you both wanting to be friends with me. But there are a few things we will need to agree on before either of you can hope to earn that position." I told them seriously. They're looking at me a bit weird – somewhere between a scared, what-do-I-have-to-do and a determined bring-it-on.

"**What is it?"** They both asked.

"First off, I am not a doll. I can get my own things. I'm not looking for servants or gophers after all." They smiled a bit. "As well, whatever that was with 'Ai-sama can do it!'" I shook my head a few times. That shit wasn't going to fly. "And while we're at it, Ai-sama is against the my principles. Call me Ai-san if you want to be formal, or just Ai-chan."

"**R-really!"** Jeez, what's with the stereo replies?

"Are you trying to be my friends, or my underlings?" I asked seriously, although it didn't look like they had thought that far ahead. "Friends tend to be informal, don't they?" They looked at each other.

"**Alright!"** They both jumped into the air, pumping their fists like they were going to start a fight with some rogue clouds. What monsters have I just unleashed on the world?

"Kouji-kun, what happened this time?" Someone asked behind Kouji. I looked over his should to see a tall man with brown wavy hair, glasses, a mustache, a brown, sleeveless sweater with a V-neck, tie, white long sleeve button shirt, and brown dress pants asked. No flak jacket, only the forehead protector. His dad's a genin?

"Uhhh, I uhhhh..." Kouji didn't quite know what to say.

"That would be my fault. We were learning the Substitution Jutsu and I grabbed him on my first attempt. He ended up taking the 'attack' I was meant to avoid. I'm sorry about that." I bowed to Kouji and his father. I did leave out that it was his fault he got picked – because it was his fault I got picked. A story for another day.

"Please, young miss. No need to be so hard on yourself. Kouji tends to get on Iruka's nerves and gets the eraser quite a bit. I honestly thought he did something to deserve it." His father seemed a bit embarrassed, rubbing the back of his head. Well, he was right... but I'll leave it slide this time.

"I'll try to keep an eye on him for you, so that he behaves better in class." I bowed again. "My name is Senju Ai, by the way."

"Oh, of course, silly me forgetting my manners. I'm Akamon Manabu, I work R&D." He bowed as well. "Senju Ai, you wouldn't happen to be the famous Ai-sama I've been hearing about lately?"

"No," I intoned. "I might be the Ai-chan you've been hearing about though." He looked at me a little weird, not sure what I was saying. "I'm allergic to people calling me 'sama'."

"I see." He scratched the side of his face. "Well, Ai-chan, it's very good to meet you." That earned him a smile. "Come, Kouji-kun. Your mother won't like it if we get home late." They both left with a farewell, taking Daichi with them – he was staying with them while his parents were away on missions.

#

"You really are in a class of your own." I turned to see Haanbi with Kou. "You could have had two flunkies to boss around, but chose to make them companions instead." Hanabi was smiling the whole time she talked. I could only shrug – it's not something I thought a lot about.

* * *

On the way home – I decided to walk with Hanabi to have some company – we passed the Shinobi Outfitter Store (SOS, you've got to be kidding me)...

"Hey, Nabi-chan, there were a few things I needed to check here. You wanna come with?" I offered, already knowing Kou would say they were expected at the compound. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow then, okay?"

So I entered the store alone, wondering at the collection of weapons that I've never seen before. Blades ranging in size from daggers to swords longer than I was tall – which wasn't saying much at the moment. There were also staffs, bows, needles of all sizes, kunai (both standard and specialized) and things I couldn't begin to identify. It really was a ninja's wet dream.

"Ah, a customer. Welcome, welcome." An old – and decrepit – man announced from behind the counter. "How can Sengo-jiji be of service to you?"

"I had a few questions, if that's alright, Sengo-san." I tried being polite, but I can understand why he would call himself an old man – he looks like he can barely stand, let alone walk.

"Please, come." He called me over to him, a patient smile on his face. I don't know him from Adam, but I can already tell I'm going to like him. "And call me Jiji, my son is the Sengo-san that runs the shop. I just fill in when he's working on something in the back."

"Can I call you Ji-chan, instead?" He smiled a little brighter, nodding. I made it to the counter, folding my arms onto it and started today's game of twenty questions. I seem to like playing that game. "Um, my nee-san told me that I would be able to get chakra paper here. Would you happen to have one for me?" He nodded, reaching into a hidden cabinet (I guess) and pulled something out. He placed a single piece of the paper before me.

"Just push some chakra in it and I'll tell you what you have." He told me, not saying the price. I took the paper, focusing as prescribed. The paper got wet and started dripping onto the counter. "Water. You're a Suiton user." SWEET! He smiled at me, already nodding for my next question.

"Umm, I also want to start practicing a weapon, but haven't fully made up my mind which one. Swords are cool, but generic. Nee-san says I suck so much with rope weapons that I should be banned from them. I had to practice with a bow in school, and that went alright. Would you happen to have any suggestions for me?"

"Well, like I tell my grandkids. Why pick one and over specialize when you can pick ten and be damn good anyway." He reached into his little cabinet again and kept searching for a while. "The best place to start is with kunai, because they are easy to come by and fairly simple to master. The bow is good too, not a lot people can do to get close to you if they have an arrow in their eye. As well, the bo staff is an excellent choice. You're right about the sword – it's good, but generic and a bit overused. There are advantages and disadvantages to that. One being that there are a lot of jutsu scrolls, the other being that most people would know how to counter the techniques." He seemed to have found what he was looking for, spreading out some papers on the counter for me.

"These," He continued. "Are some basic weapons which are well suited to those starting out. Not difficult to learn the basics and open up a world of possibilities." Each page had the name and a picture of the weapon drawn and a small narrative below, not sure about what though. "You can have these, I make them as a hobby. Though my personal suggestion would be the bo. Still, we carry a wide selection of jutsu scrolls on each weapon, and I know a few chuunin and jounin that don't mind teaching some of the more advanced stuff if you like." I was right, I like this guy. I was definitely coming back and asking to speak to him directly.

"Thank you so much Ji-chan. This is exactly what I was looking for." I clapped my hands, trying my hardest not to hug the man – I didn't want to break him. "How much do I have for you?" He looked at me funny. "How much do I owe for the weapon cards and the chakra paper?" I indicated the stuff he just handed to me. His family runs a shop, I can't expect any freebies.

"I'll peg this as advertisement." He winked. "I don't doubt that you'll be back soon for more." I smiled, knowing he was right.

"Thank you, really." I bowed my head, gathering my things.

#

"We're home!" I could hear two female voices calling out from the entrance. "Hey Ji-chan! Dad dump you here again?" I know that voice! I turn around to see...

"Yun! Tenten! Good to see you both." Ji-chan and I said at the same time. Weird, but we shared a good chuckle for it.

"Ai-sama, what are you doing here?" Yun seemed surprised to see me.

"Yun-chan, how many times do I have to tell people to call me Ai-chan?"

"Oh, do we have a noble in my humble shop?" Ji-chan asked, now curious who I was.

"Yes, and no. I am Senju Ai of the Senju clan, but no I do not answer to 'sama'. Save that for Hokage-sama and dignitaries." I answered honestly. I hate the whole 'oh my god, it's someone related to someone famous!' routine. I haven't earned a name, so I won't claim one for myself just yet.

"I see." He was smiling at me, a bit wider than before. "Well, Ai-chan. If there is anything else you need, please do not hesitate to ask."

"Thank you, Ji-chan. Oh, Tenten, I'm going to visit Lee at the hospital, you wanna come?"

"I spent most of the morning there. Are you the one that got him to stay in bed?" She seemed authentically shocked that it was possible.

"Maybe. Well, I guess I'll see you later then. Oh, and Yun-chan, don't forget to ask about the sleepover at Hanabi's this weekend!" With that I was off. So much to do, and seeing that I gave up on my afternoon job, I had so much more to figure out to do.

* * *

"Lee-kun!" I greeted the second I entered his room. I noticed his eyes were a bit brighter than they usually were, so I knew he had recently heard good news. "They're releasing you soon?"

"Ai-san! Yes! Tsunade-sama has just informed me that I can go home tomorrow! I must still rest, but I will be allowed to train three hours a day!" He was obviously looking forward to that, and I can't blame him.

"That's great Lee! Well, I guess these will be handy for us to look at then." I reached into my pocket for the papers I was given not half an hour ago. "Oh, Uncle Gai, I didn't see you there! It's great about Lee, isn't it?" He's still getting used to me calling him that, but I don't think he minds.

"Ai-chan! It's good to see you blooming like a flower in Spring! Yes, we are both quite happy that Lee can come home tomorrow. Still, I will be closely monitoring how much he trains. The last thing we need is a relapse to hamper his-" Yup, cue youth talks. Still, they both seem much more relieved. "The cast should be removed soon as well!" Youth, youth, youth, youth, youth. "Would four-thirty be a fair time for tomorrow's lesson?"

"Yes, that's fine. I'll make sure to tell Tsunade-sama about it so she doesn't worry."

Youth, youth some more and a pinch of exited youth. I blocked all of that out.

"Oh! Lee, I just came from the outfitters. I have some info on a few choice weapons I'm at least considering. You want to read through it too?"

#

These cards are actually good! Let's see, the yumi. Needs a steady hand, a hawk's eye to aim, mental agility to line up the shot and be mindful of the wind. Requirements are high speeds needed to reload, strength needed to shoot long distances and agility to keep moving as to not give away your position with ever shot. Drawbacks are not for close range (logically), low frequency sound that alerts the target and the risk of running out of arrows as well as it being nearly useless in dense woodlands

Gai-sensei's (I only **call** him 'uncle' to irk people) still yammering on about one form of youth or another – I'm at least _partly_ paying attention for when he says something useful. So far, it's all static though.

"By the way, will you be attending the Chuunin exam finals tomorrow?" Gai-sensei asked. Huh?

"Uncle Gai, what are you talking about?" The chuunin exams must have passed by now – why else would Tsunade-sama be here? But then, they are every six months anyway. I wonder where they're being held this time.

"Tomorrow, in the stadium. The final round of the Chuunin exams are being held. It is a shame that Lee wasn't able to defeat his opponent in the last round. But that Gaara of the Desert was formidable." WHAT! THE! FUCK!

"Buh- hao... whe... hoo..." It was worse than having brain freeze during a snowstorm. This was like someone installed a blender in my skull and pressed Puree.

"Naruto-kun's fighting against Neji in the first match." Lee beamed. I however... I was... what the fuck? Total mind fuck.

"I have school in... the morning..." The words kinda just fell from my lips. "Sorry, Lee... I..." I thumbed towards the door. "... gotta go..."

* * *

I walked around in a drunken stupor. My feet seemed to have a destination though. So... tomorrow. The Sound-Sand joint invasion of this place I was just starting to see as home. I felt lost... cold. Like someone had grabbed me and dumped my in subzero water.

It didn't make any sense either. Tsunade was supposed to become Hokage after Hiruzen's death during the invasion against none other than Orochimaru. If Tsunade's Hokage, would that mean fate turns to her for the death?

Wonderful. Wonder-fucking-ful! I finally find something worth living for, dying for. And this is what I get? An invasion that serves no purpose other than furthering the hidden agendas of those that would harm my precious people...

You would think the helpless phase had ended in my life when my old man couldn't take it anymore and opted out. That was the exact point in my life where I shut off most of my emotions. That way I wouldn't feel helpless – kinda hard to when you can't feel at all. Now, two decades later... I'm ten years old and feeling that same way I felt the day he left. And worse yet, knowing that this time the hurricane that ripped my home apart won't be quite as content in just 'hanging around'... no. This time it's a shinobi army trying to kill anything that moves. And everyone I care about is either a shinobi, or a shinobi in training – the exact targets. And the one I care about most... she's going to be in a box with the world's greatest snake...

#

When I looked up, I was at the Hokage Tower. Of course I was. Why not. Let me just go talk to Tsunade, see her one last time before she's ripped from me like everything else in my life.

That thought was sarcastic, but my feet seemed to agree with it anyway. Without knowing what I was doing, I was knocking on Tsunade's door. The way she said to enter, the exact pitch, tone, emotion (she was busy, and didn't want to be disturbed)... I recorded it, engraved it into my heart.

Slowly I pushed the door open, seeing every detail as if for the first time – ironic, seeing this might well be the last. "Ai-chan," She smiled, looking up from some paperwork on her desk. "Is something wrong?" Her eyes held nothing but concern for me. I don't doubt for a second that she lets those emotions play out, just so that I can see them.

"t-mo-row, hu-uh?" My voice sounds as broken as my heart feels. You ever had the opportunity to take a long walk before a natural disaster strikes. That's what my day felt like. Which was twice as bad for me, because of all the parties that were going on. There was an entire village wide fucking festival going on! I thought they had red my memories... wouldn't they know that...

"The chuunin exams? Yeah. If you're here about trying to skip out on school you-" I couldn't take it. I just... couldn't. I threw myself in her arms, even over the desk. I jarred more than a few tender places. Hell something may well be broken. I just didn't care.

"Ai-chan... sweetie... what is it?" She doesn't know. Oh, god. She doesn't know. She's somehow Hokage now, facing an invasion she knows nothing about. And I couldn't work my damn voice well enough with me blubbering all over her.

She pushed me back, just enough to get a look at me. I could barely make out those golden-amber eyes of hers. God I wanted to look into her eyes so bad – to tell her how much she meant to me. I may not have been around very long... but I knew what I had with her – I was safe so long as she held me. How I wanted her to hold me forever. "Ai-ch-"

"pro-mise m-me someth-thing..." I wiped away my tears – pointless really, seeing as she had done it at least twenty times by now and I still couldn't see shit. "p-p-pr-romise me..."

"What do you want me to promise?" She's draining the emotion from her face and eyes. She's trying to give herself the leeway to lie to me if she needs to.

"promise me!" What happened to that logical, level headed man I used to be? What happened to the nurse that was trained to be able to look at a patient die and still keep doing CPR at the same tilt? What happened to the person that could take hearing a nine year old boy saying how he wished he would die, just to not feel the pain?

I may have been emotionally crippled, but I got things done. I saved lives. I salvaged homes. I fixed people so they could go home to their loved ones. Doesn't that count for something? Where's my hero? Who's going to save my precious people? Who's going to bring them home to me?

"do-on't leave-vuh m-meee-ee..." I begged. I grabbed her green robe, holding onto her like Orochimaru was around the corner to steal her from me. I didn't even try to stop the tears. Hopefully they would be enough to tell her how badly I needed her to stay with me, to be there for me. Who else could I count on to hold me if I wake up from a bad dream? Who else would have the balls to tell me to _start_ acting like a little girl?

"Ai-chan, I'm not going anywhere." She's saying the word compassionately enough, but her eyes are emotion free. Of course they are, there is never a guarantee with any mission. Let alone with an invasion where one is expected to lay down their life to protect the village. And that meant more than saving one little girl's heart.

"I kn-know you're tr-try-ing to protect m-me fr-rom the tr-truth." I wiped away my tears again. This time being successful in restoring my own sight – mostly, it was still a bit blurry. I tried to focus, to find my center so that these negative emotions would slough off. "I kno-ow what's gu-gonna happen. But I am going to hold you to your word anyway."

"Ai you are going to schoo-"

"Yes, I am." I had reigned in my emotions enough to keep that annoying stutter out my voice. "It's the safest place." She nodded. Suddenly having to wipe away a tear of her own. "You **will** keep _safe _too." That wasn't a suggestion.

She rubbed my cheeks a few times, nodding slowly. It was as if she was still making up her mind on the matter.

"ka-san. don't give me that. you are coming home to me tomorrow night. six-thirty. it's my turn to cook, so i'll know if you're late." I buried my head in her bosom, not wanted to see the look on he face. I just lay there, listening to her heart beating.

That steady thumping became my world. It was all I needed – well that and the perfume she usually has in her cleavage. And her warmth. I don't know how I could get through a day without knowing this vivacious, loudmouthed woman wasn't there to be everything my heart desired.

"Six-thirty, huh?" She sounded amused. "I might be a little late. But no one is keeping me away from you for long." Little did she know it, but I would chase her into the Shinigami's stomach if she dared go back on her word.

* * *

Once out of Tsunade's office – Shizune and some guys I didn't recognize needed an audience with her – I was once again at a loss of what to do. I couldn't stop the invasion. Hell, I couldn't even guarantee anyone's safety with my current level of skill.

I wasn't a crack shot with kunai, my archery could use work – that first shot was the definition of a lucky shot, and the second one proved it (I hit the right target, but it was nearer the ground than the bulls eye).

I wasn't quick enough to hope to be anything but a burden. Hell, the only weapon I can say for a fact I'd be half good with is a sling shot! And that was from when I was my childhood... On my way home, I kinda just decided to laze around town. I wanted to burn this state of Konoha into my memory for all eternity.

I passed this toy store that was just having its grand opening – which was weird, because it was there last week too. But they did have a sale on everything – 20% off. Having no real reason not to, I walked into the store for a once over.

There were dolls everywhere, and toy shuriken and kunai. There were board games – they even had something like Trivial Pursuit! But I wasn't going to buy that just now.

There were paint sets, and toy music instruments. And this one rag doll dressed up like Tsunade. Blond pigtails, diamond over her third eye and big brown eyes. It was disproportionate, and a little disturbing to see a chibi Tsunade (the fact it was flat chested didn't help). I picked it up to take home with me anyway.

On my way to the check out counter... I passed a... "Sling shot..." It was the reinforced type, with a sling for over your forearm. And there were metallic pellets you had to buy separately. The tongue used to hold the projectiles was big enough to hold a golf ball!

I might not be able to save all of Konoha... but this would definitely be one hell of an edge in my favor! I grabbed the sling shot and ten packs of fifty pellets – it would be a bit heavy, but it helped me to not feel so fucking helpless. And after some calculating it would only cost me three thousand Ryou. I've had more expensive meals!

I made a mental note to pass by the outfitters to pick up a pouch to store it in to not draw attention to it.

#

The second I got home, I dumped all my stuff in my room and I rushed out to the back yard. We have a target set up for me to practice my archery and kunai. Still, I intended to use it for something different this time around.

Taking the slingshot out of the wrapping it came in and popping one of the pellet bags open, I set about my own personal training. I just wish I had figured out some system to locate those damn pellets easier. But it didn't matter. I knew I had five-hundred in total, and that only one pack of fifty was open. Everything else would just have to be improvised.

I grabbed the slingshot, taking a pellet and loading it up. I took aim and cocked it back. And as a little subconscious incentive, it wasn't a target with a red dot I was aiming at... no, it was Orochimaru. That ugly, white snake with his slit eyes and serpentine habits and pedophiliac tendencies.

Once I released the tongue, and the pellet shot forward... I noticed something. Well, honestly it was more like I noticed it after the damn thing shot straight through the training dummy.

I had pumped the pellet full of chakra. And the pole with the red dot wasn't all too pleased about that. Sure, I missed the damn red dot – by five or six inches – but the spot I did hit, I noticed it was hit!

"Not perfect... but I can always work on my aim." Still, it was going to be a long night. There is no way I'd shoot something with that much latent energy with allies surrounding me and not hitting the target every time!

I grabbed another pellet and took aim. This time, Orochimaru's eye was the red dot. I cocked it back, tilting the slingshot slightly to one side to stabilize it a bit... and-

* * *

I wish I could say I woke up early the next morning. Truth is, I didn't sleep a wink. Tsunade never came home last night and Shizune was obviously with her wherever they were. It didn't matter. I would see her for dinner.

Going about my morning rituals, I took a quick soak, washed my hair and got dressed. I chose a skin tight pants and long sleeved shirt, both dark gray. As well as a slightly more heavy duty belt than I usually wore – this one would need to bare my two new belt pouches and some extra surprises. After that I combed out the knots in my hair and brushed it until it shone. I strapped on my leg pouch, checked to make sure the contents were what I expected, and that they wouldn't be moving around during the day. Then came the two new pouches strapped to my belt – of course I checked the contents in them as well. Then it was time to pull on my jacket and checking the inner pockets as well.

Once satisfied with that, I went to make breakfast. I made sure to make a large pot of coffee because let's face it, a sleeping kunoichi would do no one any good. While eating, I was already packing my bento and going over what I remembered about the invasion. I think the first round started at nine. Shikamaru tried to drag on his match to use the lower sun to his advantage – that meant the invasion would start later this afternoon. School starts at eight-thirty, either with gym or with a wake up lecture.

With Hanabi committing truancy, I would have to hold down the fort alone. Luckily Iruka-sensei was one hell of a level headed shinobi, I won't have to worry about him.

At any rate... this is as prepared as I'm going to be.

#

I headed out the door, taking a direct route to the Academy. Iruka-sensei was already there – as I suspected he would be. "Good morning, Iruka-sensei." He looked up from his papers and greeted me. "Is everything ready for the evacuation later?" His eyes went wide for a brief moment, before he collected himself. I would have missed it if I didn't expect it.

"Ai-chan I don't-"

"Sensei, I know. I am not going to make a scene about it, and I want to help if I can." He was about to protest again. "I packed only long range tools and weapons. I'm leaving the head to head to you. But I'll be damned if someone thinks they can harm my precious people while I step back and watch." He calmed down a bit – he still wasn't happy with where this was going, but it was better than me playing hero and getting everyone killed.

"What are you trying to achieve exactly?" He's studying my reaction, he needs to know what he's dealing with.

"i'm scared shitless of losing anyone..." I answered. "as well, i want to help them go home to their families." I was gazing right into his eyes when I whispered my answer, I tried adding as much determination as I could muster... but all I had was the fear of someone getting hurt.

"..." He's at least considering the offer. "..." He sure is taking his sweet fucking time though. "Show me what you can do during gym and I'll give my answer." Well, that was fair. I nodded, taking my seat.

* * *

As I suspected, we started our day with a lecture. This one about safety and evacuation procedures. Talk about laying it on thick. No one seemed to notice though – it was just another lecture. Daichi and Kouji were more than happy to crowd me, bugging me about this or that.

Things were as normal as they could be, which didn't say much seeing that it **is** a hidden village. Well, I wasn't complaining.

Eventually time came for gym. We lined up outside our classroom door facing the exit, like we always do. Only, Iruka-sensei announced that today was indoor gym day. No one questioned a thing. We went down an unfamiliar set of stairs to a large room. There were targets lined up against one side, and taijutsu mats lined up against the other.

"Alright, this is your first free gym class. Basically I want to see how you train. You can work in pairs, or groups. But I want everyone training." He spoke loud enough for everyone to hear, but not a decibel over that.

Shockingly, everyone split off into groups of three without being prompted to. Kouji and Daichi were right next to me for target practice. Kouji had a bow and some arrows, Daichi was going for kunai throwing. I however, took out my slingshot.

"What's... a slingshot?" Kouji announced for the whole class to hear. I'd smack him, but I saw it coming.

"Yes, a slingshot. As shinobi we must master a variety of weapons, and this happens to be an old favorite of mine." I explained, taking a pellet and aiming. "Watch." I felt the weight of everyone's attention centered solely on me – Iruka's almost feeling like a presence.

I found my center, drowning out expectations. All that mattered was the target (Orochimaru's left nut, the right one was slain at home). I focused some chakra into the pellet – making sure not to put too much, I didn't want it ripping through the wall.

And I let 'er rip... !

…

…

…

"su-sugoi...!" Daichi managed. The pellet still managed to rip through the target (taking the red dot with it) and imbedded itself into the wall.

"I used to be able to hit a bird at fifty meters. But this'll do." I nudged Kouji's side, trying to jumpstart his brain. "Wanna see me do it again?" I was looking at Iruka-sensei from the corner of my eye – he was the intended audience of that question. He nodded.

I grabbed one more pellet, took aim and shot it right through the new hole. No added chakra, so it was just an aimed shot. The sound of metal hitting metal announced it took the exact same trajectory as the shot before it. Without being asked, I took another pellet, and another. Never assume slingshots are children's toys... they are fucking dangerous.

Maybe I'll practice wit a yoyo later. That'll really fuck with their heads.

I turned to Iruka this time. "What do you think, sensei? Unusual weapon, but just as effective, right?" He snorted, but sobered up quickly. He nodded – I had passed his test.

"Ai-chan, you're so cool!" Kouji was more exited than I was. My only goal was showing Iruka I wouldn't let him down, but I could already tell I'd be giving slingshot classes soon. (^-^)''

"Bet you can't do that with the bow!" Kouji challenged – why would he... Daichi was already trying to talk me about of it – he seemed to know that Kouji got himself into way too much trouble with his big, fat mouth.

"Alright. If I win, you've gotta do fifty laps around the gym." I wagered. He sweatdropped, hoping I sucked.

* * *

We all piled back into the classroom – with Daichi, Kouji and I looking worse for wear. Apparently, Iruka-sensei didn't take to our bet too well. So even though I lost, Kouji had to run the fifty laps with me. Daichi felt left out and decided to join for the hell of it.

Sure, I'd done worse things with Gai-sensei's trainings... but not with all the shit I had in my pouches and jacket! That stuff is heavier than it looks!

Anyway, Iruka-sensei got called away to a meeting. He told me to keep an eye on things, winking at me. This isn't exactly what I had in mind with helping, but I knew what the meeting was about – last minute preparations and any updates anyone had before everything got underway.

"Ai-chan! What's the answer to problem four?" Konohamaru asked. Smart ass. Sensei's leaving me in charge was little more than glorified babysitting, but it did show some level of trust.

"As soon as you calculate it, you'll know." That was a direct quote from Sensei, might I add. Yeah, Konohamaru likes to ask dumb questions like that. I ignored the 'Mou!' that followed. Although Kouji and Daichi laughing was nice. I went back to dealing with my homework – which is what it was, only we were allowed to do it while he was busy so we didn't have to do it later.

"Ai-chan! How'd you do that thing with the slingshot?" Yun asked. She's probably drooling over the possibilities of what she can do if she were to learn it herself.

"I'll answer that if everyone finishes the assignment and Iruka-sensei isn't back as yet." I smiled at her.

Of course, that meant that everyone had some level of motivation to finish quickly. We usually finish these things within an hour – mostly to not encourage sensei to give us another one. This time, everyone was done in ten minutes. Fuck.

#

"Fine! You win!" I gave up, there was no point in wondering if everyone wanted to hear this. Only, how truthful did I want to be? "Where I grew up, there was nothing better to do. Either you worked the land, or you went about hunting and scavenging for food." I wasn't entirely telling lies. Sure I lived in a big ass city before coming here... but I was from a small, damn nearly microscopic farming community. "I didn't have the strength for farming, so I was sent out to hunt for birds and gather any kind of fruit I came across."

I paused to study my audience. They all were focused on me, wondering what else they didn't know about me. If only they knew...

"A few of the older boys taught me how to fish, to hunt. And some girls taught me which fruits to pick, and which plants were edible. But once you learn the basics, it's on you. So I had to use what little I had to hunt." They were looking at me in disbelief. A princess hunting to survive? Yeah right. I wouldn't believe it either. "And if I didn't bring back enough in a day, I went without. Hunger taught me to shoot straighter than any lecture Sensei could ever give."

They still weren't buying it, but that was okay. "Because I was the smallest, I wasn't allowed to use anything big. All I had was a rusty old pocketknife and a slingshot with some pebbles." They were somehow riveted by my story, not expecting someone their age to be able to talk about stuff like that. I wasn't using my 'old man complaining about the youth' voice, but more my 'storyteller with something interesting to say' voice. Yes, I've seen some shit, thank you. And like any old man, I always have an interesting story you never fully appreciate until you've lived that life.

"If there was a boar, or anything big and wild running about I was easily left out. So I learned to spot birds, and could easily take them out with a well placed pebble. Only, that made the big kids jealous. It was hard on their ego to see the runt of the pack bring home three to four birds a day, while they were lucky if they got a single kill in a week. So they started picking on me, stealing my catches. So I had to learn how to fight. It was either that, or you go home empty handed and go to bed on a empty stomach." They paid keen attention to my story, not fully realizing how good they'd really had it.

That was as far as I was willing to go with my story. Any more would start rehashing memories I really didn't want to get into.

#

"An interesting story, Ai-chan." Iruka-sensei was clapping for me – joined by the rest of the class. I took no joy in it though – I had hated hunting those birds, it felt so wrong. It was one of the reasons I went vegetarian once I hit the big city – I knew where meat and poultry really came from.

"Thanks for listening." I bowed to my audience, hoping no one saw the hollowness of my eyes. I went back to my seat, seeing that Sensei didn't need me to keep an eye on the rugrats any longer.

"Alright, now I trust you all finished your assignments. Now who can tell me the solution to the first problem?"

* * *

The day seemed to drag on into eternity. I guess knowing that hell was waiting to be unleashed had the worst kind of effect on my nerves. When lunch time rolled around, everyone was itching to go outside to eat. However, it seemed that that was the worst possible scenario that the staff wanted to avoid.

Can you imagine the invasion starting with all the students outside running around? Nope, we were eating inside, and Iruka-sensei would hear no complaints about it. I agreed with the logic.

"Hey Daichi, what'd you get for lunch?" I asked, trying to help steer the conversation away from where we were eating.

"Ai-chan, you've gotta talk to sensei! We've been inside all day, I don't wanna eat in here too!" He complained. I noticed most of my classmates were nodding in agreement, but no one wanted to-

"Yeah, what's up with that Iruka-sensei! You can't keep us locked in here forever!" Scratch that, Konohamaru was more than willing to take the fight straight to sensei.

"Hey! What's the use in complaining?" I got everyone's attention. "Look, we are in a situation we don't like. But this is training. What's going to happen if you're on a mission later on, and you need to guard someone in their house for a week? Are you going to fail, because you want to go outside?"

They all looked around, trying to find someone that had a counter argument. No one did. "So look, let's just all sit down together, talk about who's getting better at what. And enjoy our lunches." I took out my bento, already unwrapping it. Kouji and Daichi soon followed – probably thinking that if I can take it, so can they. I really can't figure out what our relationship is, or what it's becoming. Maybe I should just take them outside and beat the crap out of them to see if they'll fight back? Nah... maybe tomorrow.

Not long after, Matsuri and Yun decided to join us. Futaba and Choco were close on their heels though. No one bothered resisting after that – other than the Prince of Primpuss. "Come on, Pervymaru! Just because Hanabi-chan's not here to hug up to, doesn't mean you have to be anti-social!" I made sure everyone heard me, but I made doubly sure to make a mental note of the blush on his face. They like each other! Nabi-chan's gonna hit the roof when she hears this. (^-^)

#

I kept a keen eye on everyone's mood – I needed to spot anyone that started getting suspicious. Konohamaru was my first concern, seeing as he was the least likely to keep his trap shut. My second was Matsuri. She was... troublesome.

She's only lazy in the vaguest sense of the word. Anything that was physical fell into the troublesome category for her, but her mouth ran on a different wavelength – she was the class gossip. The ability to figure everything out, and the desire to announce it at the worst possible times. She is the fucking _definition_ of troublesome right now.

"So, Konohamaru and Hanabi, huh." Matsuri was sitting a little too close to me for my own personal comfort. "It makes sense, but I doubt he's going to figure it out any time soon."

"Wow, Matsuri's taking an interest in romance. Watch out world." I shot back, not really interested in letting her drag Nabi-chan's name through the mud for her own enjoyment.

"Ai, you and I both saw that coming. And frankly, I'm hurt that you would think I would use that against her." She intoned. She sounds like a mini Shikamaru with female intuition.

"Matsuri, I'd be lying if I said I figure out half of what you are. So pardon me for being cautious." I said.

"Troublesome brunette." She rubbed the bridge of her nose. "So what's with the teacher's pet thing you've got going on?" Curiosity's a bitch.

"The answer is more troublesome than you want to deal with right now." I shrugged, not breaking eye contact. It was 100% true, and she'd thank me when she sees that. She just rolled her eyes, obviously agreeing with me.

* * *

I was fit to be tied after three o'clock hit. Time seemed to enjoy pissing on my forehead, the sluggish bastard! It being Spring, the sun was low on the horizon – well, low enough for those long ass shadows that lazy bastard must have been waiting for!

Any minute now that damn explosion is going to go off and we can get the fuck up outta here! Fucking Sasuke and Kakashi and their late, tardy, not on time fucking asses! I'm soo giving him an earful the second I lay eyes on him – both hims!

Matsuri has been eying me all fucking day. Iruka-sensei was called away for two more meetings, leaving me in charge both times. We even had a second 'gym class' to help burn off nervous energy! And I still didn't get any fucking sleep! BLOW SO METHING THE FUCK UP YOU INBRED MOTHERFUCKERS!

But of course it won't happen until I believe it's the worst possible fucking timing. Karma demands that much from me!

Whatever, just stay calm and let it happen. Just make sure to stay calm. I took in a few deep breaths, calming myself down. I closed my eyes, feeling sleep trying to claim me – maybe later Sandman-san... call me!

Then it happened... the worst possible thing I could ever fucking imagine... the absolute worst state you can be in when shit hits the fan... I had to take a shit!

**BOOOOOM!**

The classroom shook with the intensity of the explosion. Of course! Now that I need to lay a fucking brick, now that I have the desire to sit still just long enough to relieve myself! NOW THEY FUCKING BLOW SOME SHIT SKY HIGH!

If I didn't hate Sound-nin before, I sure as hell do now...

#

My classmates were already at the point of freaking out. And my bowels were agreeing with them. Fuck it, suck it up. I've got shit to do. "Everyone, remain calm." Iruka said, just barely above the sound of flaming charcoal that used to be someone's house littered the streets. "Follow me, and everything will be just fine."

Matsuri's eyes found mine, a question begging for an answer. I nodded, trying not to close my eyes from the lack of sleep – I'm so taking a sleeping pill for the next big thing... this sucks! I should have fucking gone to the stadium with Nabi-chan... she must be sleeping this whole bullshit away!

Whatever, not helping. Iruka-sensei motioned for us to follow him, but he whispered for me to take up the back of the line – keep the sheep from straying, he'd said. Whatever, I just grabbed my slingshot and one pellet. Our classroom was empty in under thirty seconds.

* * *

So much for the fight or flight response that should be turning off my body's desire to shit my guts out! Now I feel like I've got to pee as well! Fucking basic biological needs...

Well, the timing couldn't be worse, but that was nothing new for me. I just tensed my ass muscles and sucked it up. Hopefully I don't give myself an orgasm from this – I was asleep during my last near orgasm from that dumb ass wet nightmare, so I haven't figured out my limit or the signs it's coming. Or if merely tensing my muscles and walking would cause one... not a whole lotta girls willing to tell a guy they don't know very well what makes them orgasm... and the ones I knew well enough... the wife would never admit to anything revealing and asking my sister or mom... eww. It's playing it by ear this time around. Well, maybe that's for the best.

Kouji and Daichi are taking up the rear with me, with Futaba and Choco not far in front. The Konohamaru Corps are somewhere up ahead, and Iruka-sensei is in the lead. We had met up with a few other classes already, who were all ahead of us other than the class that was one year ahead of us. Their teacher chose to take up the read, leaving one smart ass soon to be corpse that didn't get that I wasn't interested in him.

Honestly, we're being evacuated, and you choose now to hit on me? Fucking, horny ass, shit-face baboon! The fact that I want to shit in his mouth to shut him up wasn't helping – nor was the need to release said shit anyway.

#

Every few minutes another explosion would go off, shaking the walls of the dilapidated tunnel. This thing must have be carved out in Tobirama-sama's time!

As far as I could tell, we were taking some secret tunnel from the Academy to some safe house somewhere. Dunno where, it was never a priority to analyze before. The thing that troubled me though, was that a section was coming up with windows. Who the fuck designs a secret tunnel with windows? Whatever. I just pulled my slingshot taut, making sure I was ready for anything.

"Konohamaru-kun, do you have a tummy ache?" Moegi asked. That sounded vaguely familiar. Like it was supposed to have some value. Whatever. Focus!

We walked on ahead, almost to the spot with the windows now. I felt uncomfortable with those windows, no particular reason beyond a hunch and a bad feeling. I eyed them with the same amount of suspicion a ninja with a non Konoha forehead protector would receive. But we passed with no incident. Still, I didn't trust those windows.

Further and further, we walked. Few of us dared speak at all, and no one complained. Still, there was an uncomfortable fear in everyone's eyes – not for themselves, but for their families. Futaba grabbed her poofy hat, hugging it to her chest. She's not crying on the outside, but I see her crying on the inside. "Futaba-chan." She turned to me, eyes wide and a few clicks South of freaking out. I tossed her something from inside my jacket. "That's my Tsunade doll. I like cuddling her when I get scared. Maybe she'll help you like she helps me." It was an old trick from every nurse that ever had a child patient: a doll with emotional value is all the comfort they'd ever need.

She didn't look any less scared, but she didn't look like she was going to puke from nerves anymore either. Hugging both the doll and her hat, she turned back around and kept walking. I noticed the boy that had been annoying the shit out of me make a stupid comment, but one of his female classmates punched him in the ribs to shut him up. Not my problem.

#

We continued on, to a spot with more windows! Seriously, people... secrets and windows are not synonymous! Look it the fuck up!

Ignoring my own mental rant, I pulled the slingshot taut once again. I knew we were safe – there were more than enough chuunin to protect us. Still...

"So cutey, what say you let me buy you lunch when this is all over." The idiot didn't take hints well. At all.

"Sure, just give me the money and I'll tell you how good it was." I countered. "And I expect a decent tip for the waitress." The look on his face was priceless. I was about to rub it in further when-

"SENSEI!" Konohamaru's scream was barely heard over the sound of breaking glass. I looked up to see a tall man with green hair breaking though the window. Before I could hope to react, Iruka-sensei was already engaging the enemy.

There was a flurry of motion I didn't try keeping track off. Instead I kept my slingshot trained on the duo anyway. All I needed was one opening.

Which unfortunately came in the form of Iruka-sensei getting pinned to the wall. That left the other shinobi open – which I didn't wait for someone to announce. I let the pellet fly with more chakra than strictly needed – not that I had noticed beforehand.

Time slowed. Following the pellet and it's dim glow towards it's target. It passed Daichi and Kouji. It wizzed past Choco and Futaba. Shot passed Yun. Blazed past – what the fuck, was it speeding up, or was my brain slowing down?

Anyway, it hit the target right in the temple. No gunshot to block out the sound of metal hitting bone... or breaking through bone (the worst snapping sound you could ever imagine couldn't hold a candle to that sound) then a squishy metal ripping though soft tissue... and metal hitting against bone again.

He was dead before his corpse hit the ground.

#

My slingshot dropped from my grasp as I ran up to the man. I pushed him over, already checking for a pulse and breathing – he had both, but were steadily tapering off. He was brain dead. Logically.

The force behind the pellet popped his eyes partly out of his head, and the entrance wound was weeping. Following tradition – yeah, Senju clan laws covered a lot of different, seemingly unrelated, topics – I scanned him for weapons that might well be useful. There were dual swords strapped to his back, they were quickly unstrapped as I relieved him of it. He won't be needing it where he's going. Soon after I unstrapped his leg pouch, and the two on his belt. I'd filter through it later.

"Give me a hand here, sensei." I bent down, grabbing the man by his shirt. It barely even registered that Sensei's hands covered and dwarfed my own. With a heave, the Sound-nin was standing – sort of. With another he was falling out of the window he came through. I made a sign with my right hand, closed my eyes... and whispered to his soul how sorry I was.

"Let's get moving people." I announced. "He wasn't alone and I don't feel like killing again if I don't have to." I was of course referring to enemy ninja, but if leaving that up in the air got them moving faster... well, I was all for it.

* * *

When we made our way into a large, windowless room... I finally relaxed. We didn't encounter any more trouble, which was a good thing.

The first thing I did was go to the bathroom and puked my guts up. Funny how I held it all in that long. My brain was barely functioning at that point. All I could see was his limp body falling. All I could hear was the pellet I fired hitting his skull. It's a sound you never forget. Ever.

My body chose that moment to remind me that I still had other needs to tend to, so I flushed the toilet once – the scent of vomit was never my favorite – did my dos, then flushed again. I washed my hands, washed my face, rinsed out my mouth, nearly puked again (dry heaving felt worse than actually throwing up). I flushed the toilet once last time, for luck... then turned to the door. I was just about ready to face the firing squad.

I barely opened the door before seeing Iruka-sensei standing there. "How are you feeling?" Stupid question, sensei.

"Like hell." Which was probably my next stop. I offered a lopsided grin, to show that I wasn't falling apart at the seems. "I knew it was a possibility when I offered to help." I told him honestly. Still, possibilities... chances... they meant nothing when faced with the real deal.

"Your first kill?" He wondered why I was taking this so well.

"Second." His eyes widened slightly. "The asshole that landed me in a coma was the first." He nodded, understanding. "It doesn't get any easier... does it..."

"No. But that's a good thing." He smiled, pulling me into a hug. "Feeling bad about taking a life is good."

"Good... cause that means I'm a fucking angel." I wonder if he didn't understand my muffled complaint, or if he just chose to ignore it.

* * *

Explosions were still happening every five minutes or so. Everyone was huddled together, trying to keep each other calm. The Academy students and staff weren't the only ones in the shelter we found ourselves in – there were civilians, genins and a few faces I actually recognized. I wasn't in a talkative mood though.

"I can't believe Ai-sama took one of them down by herself." I heard the whispers, it was hard not to. I honestly didn't have the strength to chew them out for it – there was no honor in taking the life of a man. He was someone's brother, someone's father, someone's husband, someone's son. Instead of wallowing though, I just slumped in a corner. I was tired.

My classmates were all huddled around me, Futaba, Daichi and Kouji being physically the closest. Both boys flanked me – literally forbidding anyone that I didn't want to see to get anywhere near me. Futaba though... she had her head in my lap, with her arms wrapped around my waist. She was still scared – and I couldn't blame her. I wished I could wrap my arms around someone too... only there was one person that would fit the bill. And she was still out there fighting.

I leaned back against the wall, my thoughts ever on the mother I had just barely found. Where was she? Was she okay? Was she thinking about me too? Would she be mad at me for what I did? Would she be proud?

And what about Shizune-nee-san? She was probably at Ka-san's side, where she belongs. Sakura's out there with Naruto and Sasuke. Hinata though... She'd be alright. Neji and her father would see to that.

And yet, my heart was not at peace. I had gone against the Hippocratic Oath, again. This time I can't even claim to protecting someone that couldn't protect themselves. Iruka was not defenseless – not by any stretch of imagination.

"Ai-chan?" Konohamaru was looking at me, both shame and respect in his eyes. "Can I talk to you?" I could almost hear the omitted 'alone'. I looked down at the now sleeping blond, then at my two bodyguards. Iruka-sensei picked Futaba up, somehow managing to not wake her. I didn't even remember agreeing to or asking for any of it. But hey, I'm sure Konohamaru needed someone to talk to – and knowing Iruka-sensei, he suggested talking to me. When the hell did I end up being the leader around here?

#

"thanks, ai." The young Sarutobi began. He kept his voice so low it was actually hard to hear him – this was a confidential conversation apparently.

"for what? I should be the one thanking you. If you hadn't called out, sensei wouldn't have made it on time. If sensei hadn't made it on time..." I didn't want to finish that sentence. There were lives in the balance, and Konohamaru reacted the best way he could. "i should be the one thanking you."

"for what?" His voice spoke of his anger (mostly at himself) and his feeling helpless.

"if you had fought, what would have happened?" I asked. I may have had a stake in the execution, but in head to head I was no better off than Konohamaru – and he knew it. Hanabi might have stood a chance, but seeing that a chuunin was being overpowered...

"no, konohamaru, you did the right thing in calling sensei. you saved lives by reacting the way you did. and even if you're not... **I** am proud of you." I told him honestly. His eyes were still hollow, almost haunted. He was thinking about the alternative.

"i need to get stronger." He said. He was thinking about his dream to become Hokage, and probably thinking about what Naruto would have done.

"we both do." I agreed with him. Next time, we might not have Iruka-sensei to protect us. Then I had a thought. I reached for the twin swords I scalped. "i propose a pact." I offered him one of the blades. "these swords will be embody our oath to become stronger. stronger than the previous hokages. strong enough to defend our home." He looked at me a little funny. Slowly. Ever so slowly. Understanding dawned on him.

He took the sword and sheath, wrapping it around his shoulder as I aped his movements. I lifted my right hand, balled in a fist. He saw this, and we bumped our fists together... solidifying our oath. I briefly wondered whether I would look back on that moment and smile, or curse because I created another Gai.

Nah, another Naruto or Jiraiya, maybe... but uncle Gai would always be in a class of his own.

* * *

Later – don't ask me for the time. The explosions were slowing down. There was ten, sometimes fifteen or twenty minutes between blasts. They weren't any less nerve wrecking, but it was good to know it was slowing down.

The girls of our class kinda banded together, trying to help everyone get settled in and comfortable. There was no telling how long we'd be there, so we decided to make the best of it. Iruka-sensei and another teacher – Suzume-sensei, who taught some of the more specialized kunoichi courses we'd be taking soon enough – drafted us into sharing out food and drinks to everyone, with our 'secret mission' being to monitor the mental health of those around us. The civvies were a bit complacent that we didn't have 'real food', but the shinobis and shinobi hopefuls were grateful to get anything at all.

I was just getting down to the last few I had been piggied with when - "Ji-chan! It's good to see you're alright!" I announced, calling out to Yun that her grandfather was in the same shelter as us. Poor girl was so out of it that she didn't think to look around for a familiar face.

"Ah, Ai-chzan. Yesz, it'sz good to szee you tsoo." He smiled, obviously still half asleep. "And you have Yun-chzan with you! How are my girlsz doing?" Half his face was sagged, the other half curled up in a smile. And a lazy tongue? FUCK!

"IRUKA-SENSEI!" I bellowed out. He was at my side before I could even fully pronounce his name. "we need a medic here now. he's had a stroke, and I don't know how much time has already passed." I whispered in his ear. There was no way I was killing someone AND losing a patient on the same fucking day!

He was already shaking his head. "the medics are all at the hospital. no way to reach them without risking more lives." You've got to be shitting me! And knowing how stubborn old people can get, he'd refuse to risk so much as one life against his own.

Fuck it. I wasn't even wasting braincells on figuring out the logic behind that shit. "Ji-chan, listen to me very carefully, okay?" His eyes were slow to focus on me. "You've had a stroke, and I need to see how bad off you really are right now."

"Ai-chan, don't you worry yourself about this old man. I've lived long enough to know that our time here is limited." He smiled, patting my head.

"I'll stop worrying when you let me examine you. No arguments, Ji-chan. I have too much to learn from you to lose you now." Without asking, I hovered both of my palms about an inch from his skin – he was already laying down on a cot, so that saved time. I knew the most damage would be within his skull, but I needed to check for external sources as well, so I started scanning at his feet. There were a few oddities I was unused to, but nothing lethal – and it isn't hard to tell the difference. A sprained ankle, some overused tendons. Signs of arthritis to the lower spine and left wrist.

Ending my scan at the skull, I felt the exact spot of the stroke – the brain stem. If he fell asleep right now, he'd never wake up – he'd be physically incapable of waking up. "You know, you remind me so much of Tenten a few years ago. Yun too, a bit. But Tenten had the same focus as you."

"Oh, don't you think Yun is focused?" I wanted to keep him talking. Knowing he had to stay awake, he just had to keep talking. No sleeping on the job for you, Ji-chan.

"Yes, but focused on something different. Yun is more of a weaponsmith, like me. But Tenten... she's a weapons user. She didn't want to be the one that makes weapons with the potential to take lives..." His breathing is slowing. "She wanted to be the one using weapons to save them. And i'm damn proud of her. Of all my family." He knows his time is short. I've seen this a hundred times, if not more. He can feel something wrong, like he's at the end of his rope. He's trying to offer his last message.

No. No! "Don't you want to tell her that? I'm sure she'd want to hear it from you." I placed both hands on his ears, already flooding his skull with my energy. This would be a gamble anyway you look at it. On the one hand, overdosing him with energy will make him sleepy, and if he falls asleep he won't wake up. On the other, doing nothing meant automatic death.

Even while letting the energy flow through him to help any way I could, I was seeking my center. The sounds around me were drowning out. The sporadic shakes no longer registering. Traditional colors were fading away, leaving only... what the eye cannot perceive.

His bones glowed jade green, his muscles white... his nerves spread out like a yellow spiderweb. This was the pinnacle of my art. This is what I strove for years to master, and even longer to help others learn.

It didn't have a name – the one that taught it was more focused on use than name, but then... he was the same one that referred to the supreme universal consciousness as 'IT'. However, what it did was breath taking – it used a mixture of life energies (mine and the patient's) to repair the patient. It had a few drawbacks, for user and patient... but none of them were death, so it was A-okay in my book!

I felt my consciousness entering his being, wrapping around the damaged tissue... I felt the pain he felt – and fuck you, that shit IS PAINFUL! Luckily the stroke itself isn't particularly painful – not a lot of pain receptors in the brain (probably why stroke is so dangerous, you don't know for sure you've had one until it's too late) – but the muscle damage, the arthritis... how the fuck did he wake up in the morning?

Focusing a little harder – time was of the essence in this state – I offered what energy I could to help him heal. The thing about this technique is that it doesn't do anything special, it merely give you the energy to heal yourself. Well, that and I denies me the knowledge if my own body is damaged or not.

#

Drawing back to my own shell... I felt drained. I opened my eyes, seeing the familiar colors, tasting the air around me. Feeling my hands against his unshaven, stubbly cheeks. I snapped my hands back like I'd been burned, which didn't feel far from the truth. That shit is painful after just reentering!

And... WRRRRRRRRRRRR! FUCK! It felt like a black hole was just created in my stomach. I felt so hungry I had to bite back the tears.

People were swarming around me, shouting this, asking that. I couldn't hear any of them. All I know what that I felt tender. And everyone seemed to want to touch me, check my temperature... some shit. It felt like I was being stabbed my needles over and over. This technique never felt this bad before! What was different? Was it that this body wasn't used to it? Did I have to relearn the detachment to pain? It certainly felt like it.

The combination of low energy, the pain from any kind of physical contact and the pack of rabbid wolves running around my digestive tract... well, passing out might not have been such a bad idea.

* * *

Pain. That's all I felt. Pain and hunger. Well, that's more than just pain, but hunger felt painful too. So it was more of a... subcategory. I didn't want to open my eyes just yet, it wasn't likely to make the experience any less painful.

"-irresponsible things I've ever seen! What was she thinking?" I recognize the voice. I really do. I just can't tag a name to it just yet.

"Maybe she takes more off of you that you thought." Another voice giggled, clearly amused.

"Not funny." The first voice was to the point of either pulling out their hair, or wrecking something. Maybe both. "Did you tea-"

"Tsunade-sama, I don't even know what she did." Tsunade? Ka-san? I struggled to open my eyes, but they felt leaden.

"Then how did-" The energy it takes to open one's eyes is small, almost insignificant. Most of us don't even realize that it takes any energy at all. But when suffering from malnutrition, acute or chronic fatigue, or anything even remotely associated with tiredness or lethargy... well, anything can feel like a chore – or even impossible.

"-think she made it up on the spot. Someone taught her, someone knows something."

I can actually hear you, just in case you were wondering. "nnn...!" I complained. Maybe that will shut them-

"Ai-chan, baby... can you hear me?" Talk about a one-eighty.

"nnn." I complained again.

"Young lady, you are in so much trouble..." Came the threat. Great, and here I thought you'd be happy to see me.

"Ka... san... slee... py..." I complained. Something warm wrapped around me. Then... like a tidal wave, something even warmer swept me away. It was... amazing. Like laying in the sun all day. It was a feeling I hadn't felt in so long. Something.

Something warm... wholesome. "Ai... don't you ever scare me like that again..." Is this what... I think it is...?

Thinking back to the group hugs from both my kids... my son whispering in my ear that I would always be his bestest friend in the whole world (he always had said it in Dutch, but 'mijn aller aller beste vriend in de hele wereld' does come close)... my daughter telling me she couldn't sleep without a kiss goodnight...

This warmth felt like that. I just wish I knew the name to it. Maybe I'll ask after I get another five minutes of sleep...? Nah... it really is my turn to cook. So maybe later...

**End Chapter 4**

* * *

**A/N: For those wondering, what Ai was doing isn't Medical Jutsu, not exactly. It's a real world combination of Shiatsu Massage and Prana Healing. Don't believe if you don't want to, but it's as real as breathing.**

**At any rate, this chapter is a bit different (topic wise and layout). I hope this is what Elivira was getting at (?). And on a more... twisted note... Tsunade may seem OOC here, but the next chapter will explain why. It will also be something of a comedic view on over protective parents.**

**I hope you are all enjoying the show thus far, and leave a review to let me know what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**

**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**

**I would like to take a moment to thank my reviewers for taking the time to let me know what they think. It really means a lot to me, and I hope to hear what you guys think about this chapter.**

* * *

The sun was rising. I felt its rays on my skin. It's warm, almost soft. I felt it almost like a presence. Soothing. Soothing and... soft.

I'd never really spent much time thinking about experiences before. Too busy, I guess. Too busy running from here to there – city life does that to you. Well, that and the constant courses to perfect an art that most people will never know, let alone appreciate. And trying to raise two kids in an imperfect world and all the trials, tribulations and joys that comes with it.

It's a wonder I hadn't broken down.

#

Well, then I ended up here. Konoha. The village hidden among the leaves. People here were different than I was used to. Warmer, more open. I dare say friendly.

The birds're starting with their morning opera. There were birds in the city too, but they were drowned out by melange of citylife. Cars, planes, helicopters, motorcycles, neighbors having a fight at any hour of the day. Kinds running in the apartment above ours.

None of that here. It's peaceful. Serene. These two worlds couldn't be more different. Nor could my experiences in them. It's been a week since the invasion. A full week. The rebuilding effort was in full swing, and we could even get away with coming late if we say we helped someone. Ka-san's been spending more and more time at home, with Shizune and me. I didn't even realize how much time she spent in a pub somewhere, until she started wanting to be home as much as possible. Which of course meant that Nee-san had to spend less time tracking her down. Good times, at last.

We even started having our meals together – something that I had been bugging them about. I'd have to get up just now, my nose told me that breakfast is almost ready. Is it weird that things feel less foreign? Sure, there were still a lot of questions up in the air. Questions like what happened to the Sandaime Hokage. Like why she was there when the storyline I knew dictated she be sought out after the Sandaime's death. Like why Daichi and Kouji started meeting up with me in the morning on the way to school.

Still, I did my best to take it in stride. Ka-san said she would answer every question when the time was right, too bad she wouldn't have most of the answers I wanted most. But at least things were becoming less and less alien to me.

And that's actually saying a lot! I'd learned all the theoretical differences between male and female during my medical training – and subsequent counseling and psychology trainings I've followed. Things like emotional value differences, ethics differences – yeah, different values lead to different ethics. But in the time I've been here... I've learned things that theory can't ever touch.

Things like perception differences. I can see almost 180 degrees right to left and damn near the same up to down. That was never the case before. Sure, it costs my tunnel vision, which let me focus on one thing better... but I can find the butter in the fridge, and I haven't 'lost' a single pair of socks. As well, I can actually feel a difference in my thinking now – not just the contents of my thoughts, but the speed in them. I can now walk into a room and almost instinctively know how everyone is feeling! Fucking awkward, seeing that my eloquence with dealing with emotion is still shit.

As well, the intensity of color is totally different now. I can tell the difference between bubblegum pink, and hot pink at a ten meter glance... something that was reserved for blue and red before. It does make things more irritating though, because now I can tell if my socks don't match – even if they are faded different colors, they don't match.

My sense of touch is through the roof too. No wonder they love to hug so much, it feels fucking amazing! Although, hugging guys is not exactly familiar territory – which I thank God for every morning!

But... I can tell that it's slowly changing. I've been through puberty before, I know the fucking signs. Sure, this time it isn't my voice cracking, but the changes are clear as day.

I'm almost an inch taller than I was when I got here – talk about a fucking growth spur. My hair is getting longer too – which, oddly, is growing at a different rate that I had been used to. I'm starting to look at things differently – I actually started caring what I did with my hair, for example. Which by the way is now french braided and tucking into my jacket to keep it out of the way. As well, I care for my hair now – yeah... Shizune got to me. She taught me the 'proper way to be pretty at all times'... and I like it too.

I couldn't hold back the sigh. Even while sleeping I was still thinking about shit. Footsteps were coming down the hall, Ka-san's turn to wake me up – her footsteps are a bit heavier than Nee-san's. "Ai-chan, breakfast is ready." Came the announcement, preceded by light knocking on my door.

"Morning." I sighed again, heaving a yawn. I got out of bed to open the door – she's already used to my ignoring the wake up call and letting my body sleep for another few minutes, so I open the door to let her know that I'm actually up.

"Sleep well?" She smiled, shifting a few loose strands out of my face.

"Think so." I held back a yawn, but started stretching anyway. "Today was your meeting with the council right?" She blanched, she hates those meetings and I don't blame her.

"Don't even start." She rolled her eyes, telling me to get ready.

* * *

"Morning Nee-san." I greeted Shizune.

"Good morning, Ai. You're dressed up pretty this morning. What's the occasion?" Shit, I keep forgetting that nothing gets by their notice. I wasn't even dressed up all that much! It was the same komon kimono I got with Hanabi weeks ago! Girls wear these things to go to the store for crying out loud! Sure, it was pretty, but I wasn't wearing the obi! You don't look fancy enough to go to a restaurant without the obi! Hell, I wouldn't be caught dead in this outfit if... fuck... I'm starting to think like them now...

"Nothing special, just hanging out with Hanabi after school today. I asked about that last week, remember?" Sometimes you just have to ask, I (meaning me and anyone I associate with regularly) damn near got in trouble last time, because the council meeting had stressed them out enough to overlook a social agreement. I understood, but I don't look forward to a repeat!

Konohamaru still teases me about how Shizune was freaking out when she found me at the market with his goons – I call them that affectionately.

"Ah, did you write it on the calender to make sure we don't forget?" She asked, already placing my bowl on the table so I could start eating.

"Yes, and I put a reminder on your clipboard. And just in case, there's a reminder tag on Tonton's collar." She sweatdropped at my words.

"It wasn't that bad." She's remembering why I'm a bit paranoid.

Nothing but a dry look. That's all she's getting out of it. Boar and Cat hadn't stopped complaining that I got them in trouble. Why don't you ask them how it was.

"Ai, what's this about a 'study date' with Hanabi?" Tsunade walked in holding the calender.

"See what I mean?" I turned to Shizune, who had the good grace to blush. "I asked last week if I could hang out with Hanabi after school today. I put it on the calender, a reminder on her clipboard-" I thumbed towards the brunette washing the dishes. "and a note on Tonton. Yes, I know that Cat is on duty today, so he'll be following me like I'm a ticking time bomb, and Hyuuga Kou will be there as well."

"Ah." Yeah, she seems to remember how things went last time too. "It wasn't that bad."

Another dry look. "ANBU were deployed, searching for my kidnappers. If Shizune hadn't spotted me first, Konohamaru, Udon and Moegi would have been entertaining Ibiki that afternoon." When the blond thawed out, she did so with a vengeance! I think she had the last boy that talked to me on the street arrested. Not that I'm complaining – he was annoying as hell. And a bit clingy. (-.-)''

"You'll be back here for dinner?" She swatted the facts away like it was expected for her to do what she did. How will she take it if I bring someone home to meet her?

"Six-thirty on the dot. We're just going to do some light shopping and get some homework done at her place. And yes, I already requested that they let Cat in so that you won't have a fit and think that the Hyuuga have something diabolical in mind." I'd rather defuse that bomb before it blows up in my face. She still isn't acting embarrassed though.

"For your information, Hiashi complimented my reaction time on spotting something out of place." Sure he did. You two must get along swimmingly in meetings.

"Wonderful. Maybe you two should exchange parenting tips." I intoned.

* * *

Off to school I went. With three shadow trailing behind me. Two students that seemed to cling to me like a bad rash, the other was a hidden ANBU operative. I passed by the Hyuuga compound to walk with Hanabi to the Academy – like I do every morning these days. It was slightly out of the way, but she was good company so it was worth it. And she actually understood the wacky logic the boys were following that practically chained them to my ankles.

She said it was traditional for those of higher status to lead, while those with lower status to follow. It made perfect sense to her. As much as _an_ explanation comforted me... it made no sense.

"Good morning, Ai-chan." Hanabi greeted me. She and Kou were just exiting when I showed up.

"Morning!" I waved at her, smiling. I noticed that Kou just bowed to me, still refusing to call me anything other than 'Senju-sama' or something ending in 'sama'. I threatened him that if he didn't call me Ai-chan, that I'd tell Tsunade he was hitting on me – which meant he no longer called my name at all. Sorry, it was fucking hilarious.

Tsunade's over protectiveness with me has become legendary as of late. So much so that the one time I went to the public bathes, she had Jiraiya arrested as a precautionary measure. He was out before I even scrubbed down properly, but he got the message loud and clear: Senju Ai is off limits. I think all of Konoha got that by now.

Sad to say... it was actually nice. Not the psychosis that she was obviously suffering that brought this on, but more the gesture that she thought I was worth protecting.

#

"Nabi-chan, did you figure out the deal with Konohamaru? He's been awfully nice to you lately." I teased. I've been bugging her a lot about him – maybe she hit him to hard in the head last time she kicked his ass. Who knows.

"Apologies, Uchiha-chan, did you say something?" She teased right back.

"Mou, Nabiiii!" I hate it when she bugs me about Sasuke. I would honestly prefer to be skinned alive than to be anything to him! That was why I started teasing her about Konohamaru in the first place! Well, that and the fact that they were such a cute couple.

She giggled, in spite of my protests. "Oh! Hinata-nee-san wanted to meet you when you come over later." Hanabi announced. Hinata had been away on a mission the weekend of the sleepover.

"Sounds good. I hope you warned any male relatives about Ka-san." She giggled, remembering the market incident I told her about.

"I didn't have to, Otou-sama did it for us. I think he's taking notes, by the way." Hanabi said, not sounding pleased. And as hard as Kou tried not to, I saw him rolling his eyes anyway. Yup, they were exchanging parenting tips.

"_Wonderful_." Hanabi nodded, fully agreeing with my sarcasm.

* * *

Once we made it to school, we noticed that Matsuri, Choco, Moegi and Yun were waiting on us. This too was becoming something of a habit. Hanabi and I were fast becoming the ring leaders of our class – though not even we could say who was really calling the shots.

"Good morning!" All our voices were mingling together as we were already talking about this or that. I had been pestering Yun every time I saw her about the health of her grandfather – he was sleeping more than usual, but was fine otherwise.

"By the way, Ai-chan, Ji-chan said to drag you to the store after school. He said he won't even let me in without you." Yun complained, begging me with her eyes to come with her. I turned to Hanabi – we did have plans after all – who just shrugged.

Just another store to visit. "Sounds good."

#

"Good morning everyone." Iruka-sensei greeted us with his usual tired voice – well usual since the invasion. Ka-san was running every able shinobi ragged to get the village back up to scratch. Though, in her defense, the village really was looking much better from everyone's tireless effort.

We all greeted him, wondering what substitute for a lecture he came up with this time. It wasn't exactly a secret, every Academy instructor has been playing hooky to go help clean up the village. We didn't mind so much, seeing that we were left to our own devices – and in some cases dragged along with them to help. "Today you are all going to be training." Came the verdict. Not completely out of the blue, seeing that we had a lecture handed out to us that I was elected to read in front of the class. Assholes.

"The indoor gym is already set up for you all to practice what you feel needs to practicing. Coming Monday I will test you all to see how you are coming along. I expect that everyone has been practicing the Substitution and Transformation jutsus, as well as the yumi target practice and kunai kata I showed you. The test will take the whole day, so make sure you keep up your stamina practice as well." Yup, it had been like this the whole time.

And honestly, it sucked. Well, there was no way in hell I was going to be doing any kind of strenuous bullshit in my fucking kimono! So you can go sit on a hot coal, sensei.

"As well, we have a new student that just moved to Konoha." There was a knock on the door, which then opened to reveal the most... gorgeous creature I've ever lain my eyes on. He was tall, caramel skin, spiky white hair, golden eyes... sleeveless black shirt showing off his swimmer's physique and matching cargo pants. Black shinobi sandals and two leg pouches to finish the look.

My eyes traveled back up to his face. To hell with a once over... this boy needs to be won over!

Fuck. I am not thinking this. I am not thinking this. I am not thinking this. I am NOT ogling some guy I don't even fucking know! Boys have cooties. Boys have cooties. Boys have cooties.

"My name is Jei." He bowed his head, clearly nervous.

"What is your family name, Jei?" Iruka-sensei is good at not letting you hide that shit.

"Kaminari." He's tense now. He expects something bad.

"Very well, Jei. You can find a seat later. For now you are all to report to the gym. I've arranged for a group of genin to keep an eye on you and help you train."

* * *

"Alright everyone settle down!" Sakura-san announced as we entered the gym. She, Sasuke and Naruto were there – obviously being the genin sensei was talking about. I just rolled my eyes, already knowing how this was going to play out. And I didn't like it, not in the least.

"We've been asked to help you all train. So what we're going to do is split you up into three groups." She looked at us a little doubtfully. "So please line up in front of which one of us you want to train with today." Yup, about as bad as I figured it'd be. None of them had any clue of the inner workings out our class – we were a messed up and fickle bunch.

Everyone did as told, only not in the way Sakrua meant it. There was a cacophony of confusion as everyone scattered to either ling up behind Hanabi, Konohamaru or myself. Yup, they chose one of three, just not the genin.

Daichi and Kouji never left my side, so there was no challenge who they picked. Udon and Moegi were just as quick to pick (give yourself on pat on the back if you think they picked Konohamaru). Matsuri and Yun were just as quick to pick, Hanabi. Everyone else kinda... went nuts with who to pick. Other than the base group of three... well everyone had a preference, but not a well defined one.

The only that really stuck out in my mind, was Jei. He was neither sure who he'd pick, or sure if the one he picked would complain. He just kinda stood on the sidelines for a while.

I wasn't exactly sure what I was thinking, but I understood that uncertainty. "Hey, new kid. Over here." I called out to him. All eyes were on me, not him. Everyone thought I had lost my damn mind – which likely wasn't far from the truth. Hell, even my minions (sorry, but Kouji and Daichi need to form a fucking opinion on shit I do before I can consider them friends) were leering at me. I half expected them to say something, hoped for it even. They still held their tongues. I sighed.

"Yes?" Jei asked, uncertainty heavy in his voice.

"Teams are being formed in case you hadn't noticed. You out or in?" I placed my right hand on my hip, trying to convince him to make up his mind quickly. Mostly before the others started adding their two cents.

He was looking at me funny, wondering if there was some hidden agenda, some ulterior motif. There was, of course... but not a bad one. I think. "In." He stepped up. Well, that sealed my fate – no one else wanted to be on his team for some reason. Yeah, I get the motivation. Kumo kid in Konoha Academy, bad mojo. I get it. Still, he is fine! uh... lonely! Yes, lonely. In need of a friend. Someone to be there for him... to hold him. Holding is goo-oo-oo... bad! Touching bad. Kumo kid evil. Yes... cooties. Cooties. Cooties evil! Bad Ai! Bad, bad, bad Ai...

Oh shit, he's smiling at me! Ummm... what do I do? What do I do? Don't blush! Whatever you do, don't- fuck, I'm blushing. Fine but don't look away. This is embarrassing because he's acting weird, not because of something I feel. No! Looking away is a sign of weakness! Don't-

Shit, I'm looking down and away! That's twice as bad! Shit... "So-" He coughed. "... captain. What's the game plan?" Jei asked. His voice crackled a bit, but he didn't seem to notice, let alone mind.

"Depends on who else joins the crew." I was still looking away. The buzz announced that no one else was joining. Everyone was looking at me like I'd betrayed them. Jei, however looked like I saved him.

Bittersweet. That's what it was. Bittersweet and full memories (more bitter than sweet). Whatever.

"No one, huh." I looked at them, sadness in my eyes. Only Hanabi seemed to sympathize with me – 'me' being to keyword there, she was looking at Jei with no warmth at all).

* * *

The second class let out – meaning that Naruto said it was raman time and ran off – Hanabi was all over me. Politely done, but the intention behind the questioning glare was louder than Iruka-sensei after Konohamaru's pranks.

She and Yun let me round a corner before peppering me with questions – most of which I had no answer to.

"You know he's from Cloud! What gives, Ai-chan! He's the enemy!" Yun was beside herself. Kou seemed to agree, though he kept that to himself. I saw the widening of his eyes regardless.

"If he's the enemy, why would Ka-san let him into our class? You both know how protective she's been of me." I countered that last one, it was the only one I actually had a counter for.

"..." I had a point and they knew it.

"How about this. Let's go to Yun-chan's family story and see what Ji-chan wants with me. Then we can go to Ka-san at the Tower and see what she has to say about it?" They were thinking about it at least. "She made the call to place him in the Academy right? She would know the reason behind it. After all, if you have an issue with her decision then going to her about it is the only way." Suddenly they don't look so sure.

"Well, that is the logical path to follow." Hanabi relented, still she looked a bit... put out?

"What exactly did that boy do to you?" I wasn't accusing, I wasn't condescending... I was honestly curious. They looked at me weird again. It was obvious that I didn't understand them, and they didn't understand me. "Remember, we're talking about me here. I don't get half the things you two think is plain as day." They rolled their eyes, fully agreeing with me.

"He's from Cloud." Yeah, I got that. The complexion, letter of the alphabet name, and 'thunder' for a family name. The point is? I motioned for them to continue. Please don't tell me that was the whole explanation.

"And I was born in Bear country... the point is?" The looked at me funny again, not seeing the connection. "Look, my point is this, Jei has done nothing wrong. Until he shows himself to be unreliable, he's on neutral ground. Like most of Konoha at the moment." They were looking at me funny again. "Am I growing a second head?"

"You... like him?" Hanabi snooped. Fuck. Leave it to her to pick up on the minor details. I blushed. I could deny it all I want, to them, to myself... but fact is... I knew this feeling. I had a crush on a guy.

"It doesn't matter how I feel. What matters is the fact that everyone is letting their prejudice rule their thought process and not giving a fellow student a his fair chance." Which was true. I am quite capable of separating feelings from judgment.

"What do you think, Hanabi-chan. Is she the pot, or the kettle?" Yun asked. My turn to roll my eyes.

"I dunno. She's not denying liking him. She's not defending it either. Maybe she's both." Yun giggled at Nabi's words.

"Ha, ha... ha." I gave up. Whatever it was that had them like that was too ingrained for me to rip out with words alone.

* * *

"I'm home!" Yun announced the second we entered the Outfitters. My eyes were immediately glued to the counter, searching for the kind smile that always seemed to welcome me from there.

"Hey, Yun-chan! Welcome home." Tenten greeted. Huh? Since when was she behind the counter? "Hyuuga-san, welcome. Please feel free to look around. Ai-chan, Ji-chan is in the back. Let me go call him for you." With that the odango teen made her way through the back door.

"Yun-chan, what happened to Ji-chan? He shouldn't be able to walk around with all the-" Before I could even finish the sentence I heard an exited cry.

"I'll be right out, Ai-chan! Don't you dare go anywhere! Tenten, grab those two over there." There were things being tossed one way or another, some things crashing to the floor, while other things were being scooped up. What was Ji-chan doing, exactly?

My eyes were glued to the door that blocked my view. If the suspense didn't kill me, my worrying about what sounded like something breaking would.

#

Minutes stretched on into hours before the door swung open, showing the brightest smile on a weathered face I've ever seen. It took me a full minute to even notice that he was carrying something. "Ai-chan, thank you for coming." He greeted me warmly, placing some things on the counter. He made his way around to me, a slight limp in his gait, before wrapping surprisingly strong arm around me.

"Ji-chan, are you feeling okay?" I asked, still in his bearhug. I wasn't sure if this was the same nearly comatose man from last week.

"Better than okay!" He pushed me back gently. There it was again, that glowing smile. "Tsunade-sama told me what you did for me."

"Correction, Ji-chan. What I did for myself." I pointed out. He just smiled shaking his head from side to side.

"Yeah, she told me about that too. But regardless of why you needed to save a life, I was that life you saved." He wasn't glowing. No, he was giving the sun stiff competition. "And more than that, you took away the aches and pains. I managed to make all of these without so much as a cramp, ache or desire to sit down to catch my breath." He turned me to the counter, showing off his hard work. Swords of three different lengths, a bow, arrows, kunai, nunchaku, a bo staff, a round shield, what looked like gauntlets... all wooden. These were practice weapons.

"Ji-chan I-"

"I wanted to thank you for what you've done for me." He said, silencing any further protest. "And since you said you wanted to research which weapon you wanted to learn, I figure I'd help you."

"..." What do I say to that? What **could** I say to that?

"To help you along, I've talked to Tenten about teaching you some basic katas for each weapon. Yun-chan will be learning right alongside you as well, so you won't be alone. It's about time for her to decide her path anyway." I turned to Tenten, who nodded with her brightest smile. Tears were streaming down before I could hope to stop them. I felt so grateful for what he was willing to do for me.

"Thank you." I hugged him as close and as tight as I dared.

"No, Ai-chan. Thank you."

* * *

I was standing outside the Shinobi Outfitters Store, bags in my hands with all the stuff I was just given. It barely felt real to me. I'd used that technique half a dozen times before, never once was I thanked for it. I didn't need thanks for it. It was my job, my duty, the obligation of anyone who chose the healer's path.

And there I stood with two oversized bags full of practice weapons and an appointment with Tenten for the next day to start learning what she had to teach me. She was even going to come to my house to teach me privately. Why? What did I do that was so special?

Something was being said, by someone. I was too spaced out to figure it out though – too caught up in this weird haze that didn't make any sense. "Earth to Ai!" A hand waved in front of me, jolting me from wherever I had journeyed off to.

"nabi..." My eyes focused on her face, on that thoughtful look of hers. "why...?" I motioned to the bags I was carrying.

"Come on, let's get this back to your house. We can talk about it there." She suggested. Well, more like instructed. I felt one of the bags being taken from my grip, and I was tugged into a walking rhythm. I felt lost.

We walked – I think, it felt more like I was being carried – and walked. Until I was tugged to stop. "Kaminari-san, are you lost?"

"Um, sort of. I'm not really used to finding my way around yet." Came a familiar voice.

"Where do you need to go?" I know that's Hanabi's voice. But who is she talking to?

"The Senju district. Hokage-sama gave my family a house there to live in until we can make our own arrangements." I could hear every word, but I was so out of it that I just couldn't make any connections. I was chasing my own proverbial tail, trying to understand why this was affecting me so much. Well, that and trying to figure out why a man, who must have been in his late seventies, would go through so much trouble for something I did for people that I never knew.

"We're heading that way. Follow us." I felt the second bag I was holding tugged from my grip as well. "Carry this for her, will you." And we were off once again.

* * *

The living room – or what Ka-san refers to as the family room. That's where I felt myself being pushed to sit. I plopped onto my favorite spot on the couch, and-

"Ai-chan, what's wrong? What don't you understand about being thanked?" Hanabi asked.

"weird... too weird..." Was all I could manage.

"What's-"

"no one's ever thanked me like that before. ever." I explained. I had taught my kids to say thank you, simply because it was the polite thing to do. Being thanked, really having someone be grateful was... alien.

I was engulfed into another hug, listened to Hanabi try to say a thousand different things that all came out scattered and broken. She was as used to giving comfort as I was to receiving it, maybe less so.

#

We both kinda just sat there for a long while. I was still out of it, but I was slowly collecting myself. Hanabi, however... she was taking this worse than I was. "Hey, what's wrong?" I asked – innocently trying to understand her dilemma. Tsunade worrying about me so much was already a lot to get used to (she never quite came over as the sympathetic type). Shizune doing so was less awkward, but just as unfamiliar. Still it felt normal after a while – it was just something she did as my big sister.

Hanabi worrying about me... a classmate, a friend... that was just fucking off. "What do you mean what's wrong?" She wiped away her tears, trying to compose herself. "How can you be so..." She couldn't find the word.

"... cold?" I tried to help her a bit.

"Clueless!" She corrected. "Ai, you're my friend. Maybe even my best friend." The confession tinged her cheeks pink. "Is it so weird that I would care about what's troubling my best friend?"

That's a good question. In any other case I would say it was not only normal, but expected. But with me? I was... _used_... to not having such things. But how do you explain that? How do you explain a ten year old girl that sees her best friend in you that you are from a different world, twenty years older than her and because of the past was so used to not being used to things. "You want some tea?" Tea is a good place to start.

#

I dashed for the kitchen, not waiting for her answer. Though I wasn't totally surprised when I heard her footsteps following behind me. I grabbed the kettle, filled it with water, put it on the stove and turned the burner on. I grabbed two cups – I had no idea where Kou was, but he'd survive without tea this once. I grabbed the tea – Tsunade was religiously against tea bags, so we we had loose tea mixes in tins. "Did you want Chamomile or Oolong?" I asked over my shoulder, flitting through my actions with practiced ease. No response. Placing the cups on a tray and grabbing two spoons, I turned to see how she was doing.

She just stood there, tears marring her beauty. Sure, her face was still kept neutral, as if set in stone, but the tears didn't stop. Turning off the kettle just as it began to whistle, I poured our tea and mixed in the leaves (?) and let it sit in the tea pot. Then I turned to my guest, and like any good hostess, I tried to comfort her. "Nabi-chan, do not to trouble yourself with my problems." I rubbed her arm, trying to offer as warm a smile as I could.

That only called on more tears from her. I rummaged through my memories, hoping to find something that might help. Nothing came.

I had dealt with thousands of patients. People as diverse in culture, ethnic backgrounds and emotional quirks as the colors of the rainbow. I had earned the nickname 'Doctor Phil', because of my ability to filter through other people's bullshit and set them straight. I was the go-to guy. I fixed people. Fixed them, because that was easier than fixing me...

Part of the reason the wife and I were in the beginning phase of divorce – she called it 'emotional separation', which is polite bullshit. I just never knew peace – I'm just not sure if that was because it was never there, or if I didn't allow myself to experience it. Odd. How different and similar I am to my old self. Different world, different body, different gender... same old bullshit back to haunt me.

"why won't you let me comfort you? am I that bad a friend to you?" She asked, her voice low, but controlled. What do I say to that?

"Let's drink our tea. After that we can take a long soak and I'll..." I'll what? Explain it? I can't. There is nothing I can say that would possibly explain any of the bullshit I've been through. "we'll talk." So much for shopping and homework.

* * *

After getting down into our birthday suits, and washing the worst of the day away. Hanabi started bugging me about what was bugging me. We got into the tub, sitting down side by side. You might almost think we were sisters with how little we paid attention to our state of dress – like it was the most common thing in the world. I could almost feel my inner guy crawl into a deep, dark recess of my mind with a bottle of Whiskey in one hand and a revolver in the other.

There was little I could actually tell her – at least, little that Ka-san would be happy about me revealing. All there was... was the exact stories that I truly didn't want to talk about.

"I get it, you're not sure if you can trust me with something so private." She said, understanding my plight a bit – not entirely, because I had already been explained that my origins were classified as an S-class secret (if you didn't already know, it was none of your business).

"I'm sorry, Nabi-chan... it's just-"

She was already shaking her head from side to side, no. "Don't be, Ai. I get it. There are a lot of things you won't be allowed to tell me for one reason or another. It's just how it is with clans, and even more so with heirs." I'm an heir? I thought-

Shit, Shizune's 'confession' about being a Katou told me all I needed to know – Ka-san and I were the only ones classified as Senju. "_Some_ of it is Senju matters... that's true. But the things that bug me _most_... those're things I wish I could forget."

She nodded, understanding. "Yeah. Life's just fun like that, I guess. It's like Nee-san's crush on Naruto – no matter how she feels, she must marry a noble." Well, that made sense, but was also easily arranged.

"yeah..." I really didn't want to talk about this. Even thinking about it made me depressed.

"You were beaten as a child." She fished in the dark. I just looked at her. That wasn't exactly true, but it was my cover story. I just sighed. Sometimes physical pain is less painful.

"Nabi don-"

She looked sad, silencing me without actually interrupting me. "I know those eyes." She said. "Nee-san used to have those same eyes. Like people don't see you." Who knew words were so potent? I felt like I was training for the baby Olympics – the cry-a-thon was bound to be a hit there (make sure to drink lots of liquids between rounds to not dehydrate).

"it's-"

"Don't tell me it's nothing. Nee-san tells me that all the time and I'm sick of it. I know you want to protect yourself, to not let anyone get... that kind of power to try to... wound you ever again!" I guess having the Byakugan gives her more than just good vision.

"na-bi..." I held back the tears as best I could, already knowing it was a fruitless and pointless battle. She had my number, and could see every button worth pressing until she got to me. Between Ka-san, Nee-san and Hanabi, there was no hope of me ever trying to hide what bugged me most.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Ai." Put the sledge hammer down, and step away from the damn dam. "I'm not going to betray you." Stop trying to tear down what little is left of my self control. Please! I can't- "I'm not going to tell anyone what's hurting you. It's just between you and me. I promise."

Fresh tears streamed down my cheeks. If she understood how much it hurt to talk about... would she still be so adamant about me talking about it? "Na-"

"please... ai... please, just trust me." She wrapped her arms around me, holding me close to her. I could feel her body pressed against me. The skin of our legs rubbing together hard enough to give me diaper rash if I wasn't careful. Our sides. Hell even our cheeks were rubbing together.

Her wet hair was clinging to my face and her hands were wrapped around my rib cage like she was trying to save me from drowning. Hell, that might be her exact thoughts.

I felt torn. On the one hand, I did want to trust someone enough to get it all off my chest. On the other, I had been burnt far too many times by people that should have loved me unconditionally.

"i'll make you a deal. i'll open up if you will." She offered, clearly willing to go to any lengths to have me trust her. "i'll even go first." What could she possibly have to say that would cha- "i have wet dreams about my sister."

I was shocked at how freely she admitted to that. Either she trusts me like no other, or she's lying. It wasn't so much her swinging that way – I did suspect it after all... but stuff like that...

"that's the reason why i _had_ to stop bathing with her... i was starting to enjoy it too much. i think she took it as me not wanting to associate with her though... it hurts to know how much that hurts her."

Doesn't that put me at risk? Should I be worried? Not sure. Not sure I even care. I trust her enough to know she won't take advantage of me... physically at least. But emotionally...?

"i would never take advantage of her, but sometimes the temptation to touch her... to cuddle her... to kiss her..." Yup, I found me a lesbian just starting to bloom – and hating herself because her body doesn't make any distinction between relatives and non-relatives. Not sure if that's normal. Not sure I care. She at least trusts me enough to tell me – which takes courage. It's still weird as fuck – getting turned on by your same sex sibling... but then, I can't exactly judge in my position. I mean, I'm starting to get turned on by guys – which is weird as fuck in its own right. In my eyes at least.

But then, she probably just confused attraction with admiration. That happens a lot – or so I've red. And as far as wet dreams are concerned, well the subconscious mind never checks if we're okay with something before it shows us a dream. I just shows what we try to subdue while conscious. Puberty is confusing as fuck, and being different doesn't help.

I was just opening my mouth to comfort her, to explain what I knew about what she was going through and that she wasn't the freak her eyes were telling me she thought she was.

"Ai-chan, Tsunade-sama needs to talk to you." I never got the chance.

* * *

"Remember, cross cross, stab, flick. Not the other way around." Tenten's words echoed in my skull. I was practicing the dual kunai kata she was showing me, trying to get the moves done in the right order.

My mind was on everything but the job at hand though. Instead my mind was on yesterday. On the shower with Hanabi. On our talk. And the even more awkward talk when Shizune came home early and found us having a heart to heart in the tub.

That two girls were having a heart to heart wasn't so weird. That we were hugging, also not weird. That we were wearing nothing but smiles and blushes... okay, that was getting a little awkward. That Hanabi had just admitted, not two seconds before Shizune entered, that her intimate preference was in accordance with an alternate life – meaning that Shizune heard her loud and clear... well, that was kinda the reason I needed to hear the awkward explanation of my big sister regarding the big bad world.

Being born into a world where women fought for decades for equal rights and equal chances and a whole lot of things guys take for granted... it was kind of a wake up call to hear that here none of that existed. And it was heartbreaking to know that Hanabi would still be expected to marry a man – who she might not even meet until the day of their wedding.

That was sobering.

Though, even more sobering was the realization that it could happen to me. I could come home one day and hear that my husband has been selected. That I would have to 'learn to love' someone I may or may not even like in the long run. That my husband would have the power to tell me how to live, what to eat, how many children to bare. I could end up spending the rest of my days being someone's trophy.

To bad Steven King wastes his time writing thrillers and horror stories... that would definitely make every woman's worst nightmare. And a familiar nightmare for far too many.

"Ai! Pay attention to what you're doing." Tenten chastised. I apologized, correcting my stance according to her instruction. Yun and I continued our dance to the beet Tenten set for us.

Focusing as best I could, I followed instruction. Though, in the back of my mind... I couldn't help but think about what tomorrow might bring. And who I would be facing it with.

* * *

"Thank you for being so patient with me today." I smiled at Tenten and Yun as I was seeing them out. They were putting on their shoes, getting ready to head home after our training session. Tenten was smiling and reminding me about some of the corrections she wanted to see in my form, or some other things she had pointed out. Yun on the other hand was just rolling her eyes – this seemed to bring back memories for her.

They were both just about ready to say farewell, when a knock announced I had a guest. Strange. Almost no one ever came to visit – and no one that did come to visit felt the need to knock.

I knew that the house was guarded around the clock, so whoever it was... well it must have been within their rights to come visit. Right? Agreeing with my own logic, I slid the door open. My brain was not quite ready to see the face gazing at me.

An aged face, short gray hair (with some patched of black just to show what color it used to be), warm eyes, a single line hanging from the outer corner of each eye. Liver spots, that looked like a wart on the left nostril and crows feet accentuating the worn leather look.

He wore a man's kimono – olive green – with the traditional dark blue (navy blue?) pants to show he was intending to go out. And shinobi sandals.

I was now face to face with- "S-s-s-s... sa-sa-"

The two girls behind me seemed to notice my dilemma and came to see who had me so flustered. "Sandaime-sama, welcome."

Sarutobi Hiruzen, Sandaime Hokage, the Professor, the Shinobi no Kami. He was not only alive, but he was smiling at me. I had never felt so small, so insignificant. I don't know what it was that made me feel that way, maybe it was just standing in the presence of the man hailed as the strongest of the Hokages. Or maybe the strongest Kage, period. And here he is, smiling at me approvingly. Me!

"Tenten, Yun. It's good to see the two of you again." He greeted them warmly, like one would expect from family. They both did... something. I can't be sure, but it might have been a bow, or something. "Please tell Muramase-kun that I will come visit him soo. There were a couple of projects I will be needing him for in the future." The two girls did something again, and excused themselves. They might have said something to me. Maybe.

"S-sand-daime-s-sama." I bowed low to him, showing the respect this legend of a man was due.

"Can I come in, Ai-chan? There was something I needed to discuss with you."

#

After multiple attempts at apologizing for forgetting my manners, then another few attempts to invite him in... then came the hope of getting across the offer for tea. I eventually just gave up on talking and just bowed and headed straight into the kitchen to make tea.

With him out of sight, I did my best to compose myself. Theoretically I had no reason to expect to meet the man, but there was always the chance of it. Still, it made sense... sort of. Something had to have happened to alter the timeline as I knew it. I guess my showing up had a greater effect that I had reason to expect.

Making my way back to the sitting room – where I hope I conveyed the message for him to wait for me while I fetched tea for us... that's when I realized that I was to entertain someone that important, smelling like a gym sock. Still, making him wait any longer would be rude – no matter how bad I wanted to at least spray some perfume or deodorant... or anything that would take away that god awful scent that I was exuding like a toxic waste site.

"I apologize for my... erratic behavior early. I truly had not expected to see you." I spoke honestly. If I was going to be the wet pup, let me at least be a well educated one!

"Ai-chan, don't worry about little things like that. I'm sure everything had been most confusing for you as it is." He smiled knowingly. He was sitting down to the table, like he had been in this home many times before.

"Delicately put, yes." I agreed, trying not to roll my eyes. "Are you the one Ka-san said would finally explain things to me?" Ka-san had been evasive with any concrete explanations since I got here. Neither telling me anything about what she knew about me, what I should know about this world... almost nothing. Well, nothing that mattered all that much to me.

"That depends on the questions you have. I can only explain so much." He teased, an almost paternal smile on his face.

Hope swelled up within me, almost making me burst. "How did I get here?" Maybe now I could finally start getting some real answers!

"We don't know." Or not. "You were found on the Hokage Mountain, on top of the Yondaime's head. Surprisingly, it was Naruto that found you. After treating your more dire wounds, we found out that your body was still shifting, changing. It caused quite a stir." He seemed both understanding to my plight, and a bit grossed out at the thought of whatever he saw.

"Seeing as you were in a coma, I scanned your memories for anything to identify you, how you got there and where you were from. I'm sure you can understand what our reaction was to those exact questions." I blanched, the theme song for the Twilight Zone playing in my head.

"Yeah." Was all I could manage to that. "So who all knows about me?"

"Tsunade, Jiraiya and myself. No one else." He explained gravely. I nodded, understanding the mute order to keep it that way. Wait, Na-"I must say though, that thanks to you we've saved countless lives." I stared. I just completely blanked out at that point, staring at him with what must come over as disbelief.

"That... makes no sense." I admitted. "How would I attract your attention in the first place to scan my memories yourself?"

"Well, that's pretty easy really. Not a lot of thirty year old men drop out of clear skies onto my grandchildren with punctured lungs and heart. Only to then shrink to the size of a ten year old girl, with absolutely no physical resemblance." That makes sense. I would want to check that shit out myself too. "Once the shock wore off, I started using the information you provided to plan countermeasures. The most immediate of which were to save the Yondaime Kazekage, and to eliminate Orochimaru in his own ambush. Including Kabuto." That, was actually a relief. A _**HUGE**_ relief! Orochi-teme was the immediate problem, but in the long run Kabuto would be the real bastard.

"There is so much more going on, but the most pertinent to you... would be why Tsunade pretty much adopted you." My heart was beating a million miles a second. I couldn't even breathe – I might just end up being sick in a minute. "I don't really know for sure, but the guilt trip I gave her was along the lines of protecting a scared little girl that didn't have anyone. That was enough to get her back to Konoha to look after you. Then, as she started seeing more and more of your memories..." He had a faraway look in his eyes. "She empathized at first. Which slowly gave way to sympathy. Which, with Naruto keeping a close eye on you while you slept, slowly grew into affection. I'm sure you know how it develops from there."

"naruto... watched me sleep?"

"Oh yes, he was there every day to read you stories, tell you jokes. Anything he came up with. Well, until I sent him after your Ka-san. He understands what you've been through more than anyone, I think." That knocked the air out of my lungs, leaving only tears its wake. Naruto... did that... for me?

I-

"There there." He petted my head, gently tugging me towards him, hugging me. "I know what you've been through. I've seen what you've seen, heard what you've heard... felt what you've felt." I just lay in his arms, swimming in the warmth he offered. "I don't know if this will mean much to you, but I am proud of the person you are. Of the person you've become."

So many questions I wanted answered. So many things I didn't understand. This is my chance – maybe my only chance – to get some answers. And I fully intended to not waste a second...

…

After this hug.

* * *

Sunset found me on the Hokage Mountain. I just needed to get away from people for a bit, get some fresh air. It had absolutely nothing to do with the faint hope that there was some weird portal to my home dimension that only I could see that I was hoping to be the one and only person to discover. Nothing at all. Nope. Furthest thing from my mind. The air is just fresher here. Yup. Fresh air.

I suck at lying, even to myself.

Well, either way, this was a good opportunity to think. To sort out my thoughts and emotions. To try to make sense of all the bullshit I've heard and been hearing. Well, not bullshit. Things here honestly are starting to make more sense than things... back _there_. Back in that confusing world.

How fucking twisted is that? And yet I want to go back? Am I a sucker for that kind of punishment? I must be.

But here... in Konoha... there were people that understood me, what I've been through. People that could relate and could see through my ruse of 'the world is just peachy'. Is my desire to be loved and accepted greater than my desire for the familiar?

Does it matter? I'm stuck here either way. Maybe whatever entity that sent me here will contact me to tell me the reason, or maybe tell me how to get back... Right. Because I'm that important that some being powerful enough to arrange this in the first place would pick me. Mm hmm.

"This is stupid." I just plopped onto the ground, hugging my knees to my chest. Something was moving behind me – probably Tiger trying to get close enough in case I decided to Jack Knife the ground below.

"Oi, Ai-chan. I didn't know you came up here too." Uzumaki Naruto. The man I owe my life to. The one that caught me, carried me to the hospital, ensured I received the proper care and made my case known to the man that convinced Ka-san to come home so that she could learn to be everything my heart desired.

Now I'm just fucking over thinking this shit! Seriously? What's next, asking him to marry me to make up for his loneliness? "I usually don't." I admitted. "I met with your Jiji... he told me what happened that day."

He was silent. Not even moving as far as my ears could tell. He's probably thinking I'm either going to start acting goofy, or blame him for hurting me... or something stupid like that. It's what I would think in his shoes.

"Thank you." I said, looking up at the clouds. "if you hadn't been there... i wouldn't be here."

"Don't mention it, 'ttebayo" He's probably scratching the back of his head right now in embarrassment, or rubbing under his nose with his index finger. Or something like that. I was too busy wondering if that one cloud looked like Ka-san smiling at me. Or was she frowning, wondering where I was. "Anyway, you look like you want to be alone. I can come ba-"

"I don't mind the company. But if you have some other reason to not want to be around me, that's fine too." I didn't really care if that was his reason. I wanted to be alone to think, yes. But having him around would not deny my what I wanted in the first place – peace of mind. "I can imagine you get tired of being around people sometimes too."

"Heh heh. Something like that, 'ttebayo." He's embarrassed.

"I know how the villagers treat you." Might as well get it out there. "And I know why the idiots do it too. How is tall, dark and furry doing these days?" If I listened carefully, I'm sure I would be able to heart his heart beating in his throat. "I'm not going to freak out if you decide to sit down next to me, if that's what you're wondering. I'm not Sakura-san." I respect the girl for who she is to me, not what she does to him – luckily for her.

He didn't move, not sure what to make of me. "What makes you any different from the others?" He didn't say the words, but I caught on to his thoughts just by his hesitation. Birds of a feather, maybe.

"You don't have to trust me. But just look at it like this, I am not nearly strong enough to harm you physically." I explained, which was easily proven. I was in the Academy after all. "and i understand your pain too well to harm you emotionally..." He won't believe me. I wouldn't either in his shoes.

"What do you know?" He asked, clearly not believing a word. I knew the tone he was using... it was somewhere between a dark, emo-tastic asshole and a scared little kid who wants his mommy to hold him and never let him go.

"Never knowing who to trust. Never fully believing anyone you meet will even speak to you if they knew what you know. Willing to take a beating just so that someone will look at you. Willing to take their pain, and smile as bright as the sun just so that their problems will go away." Two peas in a pod, him and me. "But it doesn't matter. You don't trust me. You feel you need to hold on to your distrust so that you can survive. I don't blame you, but don't get your hopes up that your fake smile can fool me." He wasn't going to leave, but he wasn't going to let this get anywhere. I don't trust him enough to open up, and he feels the same way about me. Logically, this encounter will go nowhere beyond this point.

My eyes took in the view of Konoha, glowing in the golden sunlight. I started getting up, to let him have his solace – it was obvious I wouldn't find mine here. "You'll see one day that I mean you no harm." I turned to offer him my brightest smile – knowing he'd see right through it.

I walked off, feeling that familiar sensation of someone following me. I didn't know which one it was this time, and it didn't matter, I was in no mood to talk anymore anyway.

"Hey! What makes you any different from everyone else that says they understand?" He shouted in the distance behind me.

"Ask Sandaime-sama, or Ka-san..."

* * *

I was on my way to the Hokage Tower. I wanted to talk to Ka-san, to talk to someone that understood the maelstrom of weird and conflicting emotions I was feeling.

It wasn't so much the things I had been going through since coming to Konoha. That seemed to bug me far less than it should. Instead... it was the attraction and repulsion to the possibility of... _going back_. That actually affected me worse than dreaming about Jei kissing me – well, it was a daydream... which should technically be worse.

I wanted to see those familiar faces that haunt me when I get lonely at night. I wanted to get back into my old familiar habit – work, school, kids. But that was really it. There was no desire to be there, just see there. That hurts. I dunno why it hurts. It shouldn't. But it does.

Maybe Ka-san would be able to make sense out of it for me.

"So, we meet again." I didn't even turn to see who said that. It wasn't any of my business. "Hey, you okay?" I kept walking. No one stops to talk to me in the streets – other than my (female) classmates. "Ai-san?" Ai-san? Who the hell calls me that? Lee? Nah, he would run right up to me and give me a bear hug, talking some shit about youth – and possibly flowers. I'll never understand that boy.

I turned toward to source of the voice, wondering who it was that knew my name, but didn't know me well enough to tug my arm or something. Caramel skin, white hair, golden eyes. "Jei." I greeted, sorta.

"Hey, what's up?" He asked carefully. I rolled my eyes, knowing he meant to ask what was wrong. Something of an anthem.

"Just on the way to talk to Ka-san." I said.

"Want some company?" He has a nervous smile on his face. My brain took that moment to kick start. Suddenly I was drowning in the din of the marketplace – when the hell did I even get here? Everyone was stopping to see if I needed something – either because they recognized me from the last scene in the marketplace, or because they were curious what a Kumo boy wanted with me. Probably both.

"Thanks," I thumbed at a shadow that moved almost immediately. "company I have, and another bodyguard isn't my idea of company."

"ANBU?" He asked, almost in shock. I shrugged. "Heh, then maybe my shadow can keep yours company. That should give us a breather, right?" He laughed at his own joke. Somehow I found no humor in it. I turned away, already walking towards my destination – I wasn't in the mood.

"What do you want, Jei?" I asked, trying to hide my exasperation.

"I'm hungry. I can feed you too, if you want." I turned to him again, wondering what he was trying with the world's worst pick up line.

"Thanks, but there are rules about asking me out on a date." I told him, rolling my eyes at his lame attempt.

"Who said anything about a date? I'm just trying to feed you." Yeah, I got that. Food. Whatever. You must have nothing but the purest intentions for me, right? "Come on, what's the worst that can happen? There'll be two ANBU following my every move and we'll be in a crowded cafe grabbing a bite to eat." I was about to turn him down again, but- WRRRRRRRRR! My stomach had other plans. That fuck really is embarrassing! "Come on, you can even bring your alligator." He teased, smiling at my dilemma.

"Mou! Fine, but I won't be held responsible if Ka-san finds out and is out for your head." I crossed my arms, trying to hold on to some semblance of pride. Somehow. Whatever! He just wants to feed me.

#

Jei and I made it exactly fifteen steps before shit hit the fan. And I don't mean one lump, I mean a field's worth of bulls that ate too much and were forced to watch Gai and Lee 'not make out' in public, giving them diarrhea, kind of shit.

"Senju." Fuck. Uchiha Saskue.

I could see Jei's eyes go wide from shock – I introduced myself as Ai. He's probably making the connection to the Godaime Hokage, and wondering what he just got himself in. Either than, or he thinks he was hitting on Sasuke's girl. Gag me.

"Shithead." I greeted him in my usual fashion. The slight widening of his eyes always got a smile outta me.

"Who's the loser?" His eyes flicked towards Jei. I couldn't help it, I smiled at what I was about to do.

"This is Kaminari Jei, my fiancee. I couldn't find a real man here, so we had to import one." I intoned. Jei – who was supposed to be my accomplice in this – didn't bother to mask his laughter. Which only irked the Uchiha even more. "Not that it's any of your concern." He locked eyes with Jei. One of them was brooding, the other was laughing. Now, which one was which? Hmm.

"We really should get going, Ai. Our reservation won't wait." Jei smiled warmly at me, offering Uchiha a clear 'fuck off' as a conversation closer.

* * *

"I still can't believe he fell for that!" Jei was still laughing at the look on his face.

"Neither can I, but I wish I had a camera when he heard that!" I laughed, picturing that wide eyed Bambi look on his face. You'd think he was about to be hit by a sixteen wheeler. "And you're laughing at him didn't help."

We continued poking fun at each other and laughing at Sasuke's expense, making our way to wherever he was taking me.

It felt good to be able to laugh again. It didn't matter about what, why, when, where... only that. Laughter is the best medicine in the world, and I had sorely missed it.

#

Amazingly, he decided to take me to Ichiraku's (wasn't he taking me to a cafe?). I didn't even know he knew about the place. Hell, I hadn't even been there since coming to Konoha, and he ends up taking me there? Shame on me!

"Welcome to Ichiraku's!" Ayame sung as our heads flew through the flaps offering 'privacy' in the place. I would never get used to this kind of thing, but it didn't matter. The scent of ever flavor or ramen hit me all at once – and though it was nice, I can't imagine eating ONLY ramen. "Here are your menus, please take your time in deciding. Can I get you something to drink while you decide?"

I turned to Jei, nodding. "I would like some tea, the house brew will be fine." He smiled, ordering the same.

"Oi, Naruto-kun. When were they going to announce who got promoted?" Teuchi asked. My head snapped to my left, seeing the familiar orange jumpsuit. Before I even confirmed if it was Naruto (like anyone else would wear THAT much orange) two plans were already formulating in the back of my mind. The first of which was taking that boy shopping! I'd need Hanabi to help me though – I suck at coordinating an outfit. Which then opened the door to getting Hinata to come along too. :-3

The other plan, "Oi, Naruto-kun. You won't believe what prank Jei and I pulled on Sasuke-teme!" He went from depressed-but-not-showing-it to cutious-but-hiding-it before Jei could hope to argue with me.

"What did the teme fall for?" He asked. I patted the seat next to me, telling him to move over.

"It's probably nothing compared to painting the Hokage Mountain in broad daylight, but I think it's a good place to start."

It wasn't much, but at least he could see that I wasn't trying to diss him. And more than that, Jei eventually started including Naruto in the jokes he had been tossing around. I couldn't hold back a smile, seeing actual joy in those sky blue eyes. And don't think I didn't notice the grateful smiles behind the counter.

Maybe it won't amount to much, Naruto... but I promise, I won't allow you to be alone.

* * *

The next morning on the way to school, I decided it was time to start oiling to wheels for Operation NaruHina underway! I was waiting outside the Hyuuga compound for Hanabi this time – usually she tries to hide the fact that she was waiting inside until she spies me with her Byakugan.

"Nabi-chan. We need to talk. Kou, you walk behind us... this is girl time." I was all business, grabbing her hand and tugging her ahead with me before either could complain. Sure I spazzed out yesterday and mostly ignored her, but this was going to be different!

"ai... i thought-" She's so cute when she's blushing.

"You thought wrong." I interrupted before she could put her foot in her mouth. "My freaking out had more to do with my lack of ability to trust you, than with your willingness to trust me." She smiled at that, obviously treasuring our friendship as much as I was learning to. "but anyway... we're going shopping today... and i need you to drag your sister along... i have a plan."

"who are we re-creating?" She asked, her hand over her mouth to prevent lipreading. And as far as I can tell she was mumbling to prevent Byakugan enhanced lipreading as well. Smart kid.

I smiled from ear to ear. "we're saving your sister from herself." I started explaining the plan I had been ironing out since yesterday at Ichiraku's.

#

By the time we made it to school, Hanabi and I were back to our old habits – teasing the hell out of each other. I had told her about my 'non date' with Jei. She told me about bumping into Konohamaru during his 'special training' with Naruto – no doubt the two of them were sneaking into the porn store.

I teased her about stalking the poor boy, she ended up teasing me that I didn't even get a kiss on my first date. Yup, back to normal with us.

We managed to make it to class before things started getting weird. Well, slightly more weird than usual. Iruka-sensei began the day with a good morning lecture, before telling us that all kunoichi in training were having special classes with the same bespectacled teacher that had us rally the troops during the invasion – Susume-sensei, as she introduced herself.

And that's where things started getting weird. Because she had three assignments for us – and said we had one week in total to complete all three.

"You're first assignment is to perfect your own makeup applying skills. In seven days you will all come to school dressed as if you were going to a gala in the Daimyo's company." Fuck. "Complete with a male escort, who you must also dress up to rise to the occasion." Double fuck!

"The second is more of a recap of flower arranging most of you girls already passed." She glanced meaningfully at Hanabi and me, obviously meaning that was to test us specifically.

"The third is a recap of impersonating a noble. There will be a mock gala being held here, and no one must be able to tell you girls from ladies of his majesty's court." Heralding the apocalypse. Marking my forehead with 666. Giving me one week to act like a perfect lady – same difference.

"So, recap. Makeup and clothing, flower arranging and proper etiquette. Those of you who feel they need no extra aid in these things may go back to class with Iruka-sensei."

What a shock. Everyone but me left. "Fuck. My. Life."

"Ai-sama, that is no way for a lady to speak. Please refrain from such vocabulary." She might as well strap horns to her head and a pointed tail to her ass. I crossed my arms and pouted. Ka-san was behind this. I just knew it. "Now, lesson number one – makeup."

"gag me." Whether she wanted to or not, I just knew I was going to puke up my breakfast any second.

"Ai-sama, please act like a proper young lady, or you will never be able to pass this test."

* * *

"Ai-sama, please act like a proper young lady, or you will never be able to pass this test." I mocked Sissy-sensei.

"Ai-chan, you really need learn what Suzume-sensei has to teach you. It-"

"Sissy-sensei will turn me in to a girl!" I complained, my manly streak licking his wounds as best he could.

"Ai... you are a girl." Call a doctor, my manly me has no pulse! NOOOOOOO! "Stop being so dramatic."

"Nabi-chaaaaaaaaaan...! don't wanna..." I pouted, complained and cursed those fucking dimples with every fucking fiber in my being! And having Yun gush at how cute I looked, didn't fucking help any! Fucking makeup. Fucking fruity lipgloss. Fucking eyeshadow the brings out the color of my eyes. Fucking plucked eyebrows. Fucking flower in my hair. Fucking ribbon...

"Well, you could always fail. Which would mean you would have to repeat it, and do it anyway." Hanabi just had to use logic against me.

"I'm not the cutesy type!" I groused.

"No, your not." Hanabi agreed readily. "You're gorgeous."

"Mou, Nabi-chaaaaaaaaan..." I complained, trying to hide my blu... no um, rage! Anger! That red blotch on my cheek is a clear sign of how upset I am at being picked on!

"Are you blushing?" Hanabi asked, poking my cheek... where the sudden rash of rage was getting worse.

"no." I huffed.

"Careful, Hanabi-san... She might just like it." Yun teased as well.

"Not you too...!" I complained further.

"Ai-chan, what's wrong with looking cute? Being gorgeous? Making every guy's head turn as you walk down the street?" Just to prove her point, three guys started staring at me. Fucking rude!

"TAKE A PICTURE! IT'LL LAST LONGER, HENTAI!" I barked at them rolling back my sleeves to show I meant business – sending them scampering for shelter. "And I need to pick a guy from this bunch?" (-.-)''

"Ai-chan, I think you're overreacting a bit." Yun was motioning with her hands for me to calm down.

"I am NOT overreacting! I know what goes through a guy's head! Fucking cockroaches!" I growled at some fifteen year old that was just walking up to me, "I'm ten you pedophile!" Wiping that confident smile from his fucking face.

"Okay... that's enough caffeine for you." Hanabi teased, earning her a growl. She just laughed even harder.

"Ai-chan, maybe you should see-"

"The positive side? In learning how to make guy's more interested in getting my pregnant? Sure, what could go wrong?" I crossed my arms, pouting. No! NO FUCKING POUTING! Grunt, growl and snarl... but pouting is too fucking cute! And spitting! Lots of spitting!

"Ew!" Okay, no spitting on people's shoes. "Ai-chaaaaaan! That's gross!" Yun complained.

"Ai, stop acting like a guy. You're not a guy. You're a girl. A ten year old, cute as puppies with pretty pink ribbons, girl." Hanabi was probably the only person that could say that to me and live. Well, other than Ka-san. I fucking hate this shit right now.

It was bad enough when I just found out about this. It was bad enough when people started treating me different. Now I have to start acting different? And fuck school, I know I can earn my way through life regardless, it ain't about that. It's about the simple fact that even if I don't deal with this now, I will have to deal with this eventually any-fucking-way. Why? Who the fuck knows. Peer pressure, physiology... ancient, pre-programmed instinct. The fact that anything with a big head and big eyes is now the cutest thing on the fucking planet... fucking chibi Tsunade doll that I can't fucking sleep without anymore...

Maybe I should try spi-

"Ai. Come on... we have something that needs to get done." Hanabi reminded me. I humphed, but followed anyway. It was time to rally the troops.

* * *

To my right I had Hanabi, Hinata, Sakura, Tenten, Yun, Ino, Matsuri, Futaba, Moegi and Kou (who refused to succumb to peer pressure and stand with the guys). To my left I had Konohamaru, Udon, Jei, Kiba, Shino, Shikamaru (who was still grumbling about how troublesome this was, but Matsuri dragged him along anyway), Chouji and Sasuke (who was curious why we were all gathering together, and not much else).

"Uzumaki Naruto!" I intoned loud enough to drag his attention away from the ramen he was slurping. There is no polite way to eat ramen, you gotta slurp it. "This is an intervention. Put the glow in the dark jacket down and come peacefully." I could hear Ayame giggling her ass off.

He turned towards us, askance. "Ai-chan... what...?" If the clueless look in his eyes didn't make this funny... the noodle hanging from the corner of his lip did. Well, that and the sauce the was dripping down from it (probably another ew-moment for Yun).

"You heard me, Uzumaki. Your orange jumpsuit wearing days are over! Come peacefully and you might be allowed to approve some of your new outfits... otherwise it's pink and puce all the way!" I didn't just say that. (^-^)''

**End chapter 5**

* * *

**A/N: Sad to say, but this story will be on the back burner for a bit. As hot as I am to continue with it, I can't abandon or toss aside my other stories. As such, it might be a week, maybe two before the next chapter is out. Don't worry though, I have a few free days coming up that will give me the elbow room to get it all done.**

**At any rate, I hope you all enjoyed the latest CC chapter.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**

**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**

**WARNING! I am well aware of the risqué nature of several scenes in this chapter. It was intended to be viewed through innocent eyes (of the character). If anyone feels that this chapter places this fic in the M catagory, please inform me and it will be changed immediately.**

* * *

He turned towards us, askance. "Ai-chan... what...?" If the clueless look in his eyes didn't make this funny... the noodle hanging from the corner of his lip did. Well, that and the sauce the was dripping down from it (probably another ew-moment for Yun).

"You heard me, Uzumaki. Your orange jumpsuit wearing days are over! Come peacefully and you might be allowed to approve some of your new outfits... otherwise it's pink and puce all the way!" I didn't just say that. (^-^)''

"Are you feeling okay, Ai-chan?" Naruto asked, clearly not understanding the severity of the situation.

"Careful Uzumaki. That can be seen as resistance." I warned, earning a few giggles and chuckles from my associates (funny how girls giggle and guys chuckle).

He looked at me, then at the people behind me. Then he started eying me warily. "I know a prank when I see one." He poked me in my forehead.

"It's official. That's a pink shirt." I crossed my arms, almost daring him to keep going. Shopping (and torture?) can be so relaxing. I wonder how proud Anko would be if she could read my mind...

"Pink... shirt?" He still doesn't get it. Oh well.

"Resistance is futile, Boss!" Konohamaru announced, part of the reason he needed to come along. Enough friendly faces would prove beyond doubt that he was safe, but his jacket wasn't.

#

It took a while (and a promise of pink socks and boxers) but he eventually got his rear in gear. Ayame even offered to come along! The more the merrier, says I.

I'll behave.

Anyway, we accomplished the most imperative part of the mission so most of the guys had to go. Konohamaru and crew had left their mark, and left for 'more important missions than shopping'. Moegi wanted to come with us, but her loyalty to Konohamaru took precedence. Fucking weird.

Look, not even going to go into detail who did what. The only ones that stayed behind were Hanabi, Hinata, Sakura, Jei and me (pointless to mention Ino, she'd sooner die than miss a golden shopping opportunity). Yup, apparently shopping was something that could scare off even Kouji and Daichi. I've gotta remember that!

We were already walking in the direction of the shopping district – who knew there was a whole district – when shit once again hit the fan. No, not for Naruto. For me. Whenever shit hits the fan, it's always because I'm involved and usually only splatters on me.

"Ai-chan, I really appreciate what you're doing for Naruto-kun. But you need to do some shopping yourself." Shizune announced, a warm and deceiving smile on her face. I can tell that's mischief dancing around in her eyes. "And just so you know, Tsunade-sama is going to meet us by the store we're going to." Fuck. If she's playing hooky from paperwork... then you know some shit is going to happen. Why did I get myself into this?

"Naruto-nii... I'm sorry for dragging you into this." I pouted. He sweatdropped, but tried to comfort me. Something about us meeting for ramen if the pink threat was dropped. I was a bit out of it, so my brain wasn't functioning as well as it should be. "As you can see... I'm no longer in control. Just make sure Hinata-chan approves your outfits – between you and me, Sakura-san is nuts. And never EVER agree to anything Ino says."

"You think she realizes that I'm on her shopping team?" Ino asked, probably directed at Sakura-san. Fuck. My. Life.

"I think she was hoping you weren't Ino-bunta." Hey, maybe if I get them to-

"Ai-chan, stop plotting against Ino." Shizune started pushing me in the direction of hell. "Tsunade-sama won't be happy with you if you make us late." Fuck you KARMAAAAAAAAAA!

* * *

When we made it to the store where the last of my manhood was meant to be surgically removed, I noticed two things. The first thing was that this was a kimono store. Female kimono store. That... I can deal with. The second thing?

"There you are, Ai-chan. Sweetie, this is Ginza-san. She's set aside her whole day to give you all the attention you need." Ka-san was glowing. Not that blazing, about to kill someone glow. But more the previously buried maternal instinct to dress up your daughter in every conceivable outfit just to see how it looks glow.

"Mercy?" I meeped out. She only smiled a little wider, and glowed a little brighter. (^-^)''... help?

#

I didn't even know there were that many kinds of kimonos. Or that many accessories. Or colors. Or patterns. Or... fuck...

"Pink can die!" I shouted when Ino decided to play 'little miss helpful' and grabbed the pinkest of the pinks she could find.

"Ai-chaaaaan, you liked the last one I picked oooouut." She whined.

"Death to pink, I say. DEATH TO PI-" Hanabi was walking up to me with another kimono, this one with those long sweeping sleeves. It was pink. "Nabi-chaaaaaaaaaan... not you too!"

"Ai-chan, just look at it and tell me what you think." She said. That's your grand defense?

"Fine." I looked at it. It was pink. I hated it. "Happy?" She rolled her eyes. Then Ka-san brought another kimono. Also with those sweeping sleeves.

"Ai-chan, sweetie. You're trying this on." She smiled a little too broad, spoke a little too sweet.

"This could be considered child abuse, you know." I countered. She just smiled wider, not caring in the least. She held the kimono for me to see the pattern on it. The background was sky blue, with two Sakura trees – one on the back one on the front. Yes, she's twisting it so I can see all the details. "Ka-san! I can see the design like that!" I complained.

"Fine, ruin my fun." Since when does a Hokage pout? Aren't there laws against that shit?

On the front (left flap, so it would end up being visible for the world to see) there were two people, one on his knees – a man with white hair and blue and black armor – the other sitting on a swing hanging from the branch of the tree. The woman on the swing... she had black hair and brown eyes, just like me. The detail was so fine that I could see a smile and a blush on her face, as well as a slight shadow indicating her bosom. And on his face, there were three markings.

"Senju Tobirama proposing to his beloved?" I asked, running my hand over the design.

Ka-san nodded. "I had this custom made for the gala coming up." She just revealed her plot.

"So this was all about making a lady out of me? What happened to loving me like I am?" I was teasing her, and she knew it.

"Dignitaries from all over the Land of Fire and the Land of Wind will be there. I asked Suzume to give me a hand with preparing you for it." She's going to be parading me in front of every noble in two countries. Fuck. When the shit hits the fan, it does so with a vengeance. "So, to make sure you don't feel too out of place, I arranged a mock gala exactly one week before the actual one. Consider it practice."

"Do I have to wear this kimono for the test?" I asked, praying I didn't mess it up.

"No." She's smiling again, slightly wider than last time. "But you do realize that Hanabi, Hinata, Konohamaru, Jei and Naruto will have to be at the gala, don't you?" Fuck. She's going to- "So I expect you to help prepare Jei, seeing that Naruto's already being taken care of. Thank you for that, by the way."

Shit. You see why Karma is a force to be reckoned with? I looked over at Jei – who was (im)patiently sitting by the door half way across the store. Why do I feel like something's going on that I don't know anything about?

"Now, we need to start selecting the layers to go beneath this kimono... and we need to start going through some combs. The next stop after this is the jewelers to pick out some every day earrings and a pair of fancy ones for the gala. So we're getting your ears pierced. And after that we're going to the salon for a new hairstyle, this way we'll have plenty of time to see if it'll suit you, and change it if needed." Fuck. "And we still need to pick out some nice underwear for you, the ones you're buying just isn't feminine enough." KARMAAAAAAA!

"Why is Naruto being dragged into this?" I asked Ka-san. We were mulling around the jewelers, trying to find some cute (her words not mine) earrings. Nee-san had already picked out a basic pair of sterling silver studs, meant to sleep in. Hanabi – who is not helping in the least – picked out a pair of danglies for everyday, but informal, use. And Ka-san? She's the one dragging me to the more high end portion of the store, where most customers just go to drool over the merchandise.

"You know why." Was all she said. Right, Uzumaki heir. That'll be a hoot to announce. "And I need you to help keep it as subtle as possible for now. He still needs time to adjust."

"Alright, but I wo-" The words stuck in my throat, threatening to choke me. Gorgeous.

"You have a good eye, young miss." The clerk just had to add his two cents, already moving to take the earrings and matching chain I was drooling over (mentally, thank Kami-sama). "Eighteen karat navy blue sapphire earrings and a total of fifty two karats one the chain." He informed me.

I don't even know what that means right now. I'll have to ask later. All I know is... it's "Gorgeous."

"I'm glad you think so, sweetie." Ka-san had a teasing smile on her face. This is a setup of some kind, I just know it. "How much do you think it'd be worth, Kanzei-san?"

He blanched, trying to hide the sweat on his forehead. "Is there a problem?"

"Not really, just wondering why I happened to see these here." Okay... what's the-

"Senju-sama, I assure you this is just a custom to ensure that-"

"You like it, Ai-chan?" She completely ignored the man, while still glaring at him. And why does it feel like the temperature in the room dropped fifty degrees?

"It's gorgeous, Ka-san. But isn't it a bit expensive? I mean, these look to be antiques... probably worth more than I can possibly understand." And why does the chain remind me of the Shodai's necklace that Ka-san lost to Naruto? Yes, he is the one wearing it, I checked.

"You're quite right about that. Usually high end pieces like this would be in a safe somewhere. Right Kanzei-san?" Okay. I think I'm starting to understand what's going on.

"Ka-san, this looks like your necklace. How did it end up here?" Judging from the feral smile on her face, and the VERY nervous one on his... I'm guessing I'm right.

"Ai-chan! You need to come see this one! They're soo cute!" Hanabi called, waving me over.

"Go on, sweetie. Ka-san can deal with this. **Alone**." She shooed me, her eyes never leaving the walking corpse in front of her.

"Well, Kanzei-san." I smiled sweetly at him. If that is the sister necklace to the Shodai's, then it is Senju property. Ka-san probably brought it here to clean, or something, and he made the mistake of putting it on display as if it were on sale. Not smart, but not my problem. "It was nice knowing you. And if you scream, remember that bass is manly, high-pitched is girly. These things matter." He gulped.

We were gifted every pair of earrings selected... I wonder why...?

* * *

After that Ka-san decided to drag me and the entourage to another store. 'The salon can wait,' She'd said. Apparently, my appointment wasn't for another two hours – she'd expected more resistance. So she ushered us into... a pharmacy? I just rolled my eyes, knowing that I was going to regret this.

And I was right. No, that doesn't do the situation justice... I got a Royal Flush in Spades! She dragged me into the makeup aisle.

"Some mascara. We need a few flavors of lip gloss. Ooh, different shades of lipstick and eyeshadow." Between Nee-san and Ka-san... and Ino-bunta...

"Fuck. My. Life." I murmured, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"What about perfumes?" Hanabi added her two cents. That earned her the deadliest glare I had to offer. She's lucky she got out of that alive!

"I agree. And she really needs to start creaming her skin. We can't have dry skin, now can we?" Ino.

"True. We also need to get her a vanity. And the proper brushes to apply her makeup." Nee-san.

"Maybe. Maybe... I still think we need to get her some lingerie though." Ka-san? "I want to be a grandmother while I'm still young enough to run after them."

Luckily Jei decided to wait outside while they- "Isn't she a bit young to start with that?" Jei just had to prove me wrong. He just fucking had to. That's it, I'm going to the temple tomorrow and praying all fucking day! Someone has to be able to remove this fucking karma from me!

Maybe I should fast as well?

"Yes she is, but if I desensitize her from now, then she won't wait until she's thirty." Ka-san shot that one at Shizune. Ouch.

She was already sputtering some kind of defense. I didn't hear any of it, I was just glad I wasn't in the line of fire this- "... and don't we need to get Ai-chan some sanitary items." Her eyes went to the aisle with pads (yeah, the ones females wear when they have their monthly visitor)... I crossed my arms, huffed and fought as hard as I could to stifle the hottest blush I've ever been graced with.

"Good point, Shizune. You take Ino, Hanabi and Jei to the next store. He needs to pick out a formal kimono as well." Ka-san came to the rescue. They didn't stick around to argue, but I did notice an almost mortified look on Nee-san's face.

I couldn't bring myself to be angry at her. I wish I could though! Instead, I just heaved a sigh. Placing all the items they had chosen in the basket I was carrying, I dragged my feet to the 'Aisle of no Return'.

I didn't need to hear the theories, or the advice. I knew this aisle well. I grabbed a pack of pantyliners, a pack of heavy duty pads and the biggest pack of regular strength pads. "The first day's always heaviest. Wear pantyliners on days leading up to it, just in case. And the regular ones can last more or less six hours on regular days." I said, not sure why. I could always just stick to one pad and simply see how things go with it... but that's usually how clothes get messed up in school. And adding the fact that we have gym classes practically every day...

When the last pack was dropped in the basket... Well, let's just say that I was planning my manhood's funeral.

"You know, some guys say that they can't trust a woman. You should never trust something that bleeds for five days straight and doesn't die." I decided to grab a pack of sanitary wipes as well – might as well try to keep things as clean as possible, right?

She was trying to smile at me. "Ai-"

"Don't worry, it's not as bad as it seems. It's uncomfortable the first time, and I'm going to be a bit bloated and feel grumpy. But I'll survive." Six. I've talked six girls through their first period. Two of which we related to me.

"I know this is rough on you, sweetie." Ka-san soothed, petting my hair. She didn't even care if it got messed up, because we were going to the salon soon anyway. And I could show off my new earrings there to Nene-san... my hairdresser – although she prefers hairstylist.. She'd like them, I just know it...

"Well, no one said it was going to be fair. Or easy." I intoned, sighed and started moving towards the counter with my purchases.

#

We didn't even make it outside before Ka-san deciding there was something she wanted to do. A good old fashion positive affirmation session to help me to come to terms with... things. "Why? Is saying 'I am a girl, I am cute.' thirty times in front of a mirror going to stop the inevitable?"

"No, but it might just help you feel better." She smiled, taking most of the bags out of my hand. "I'm willing to bet you don't check yourself out in a mirror before you get dressed." The one bet she stood a chance in winning, and she bets nothing on it? Legendary Sucker is right.

"And that's important because?" I cocked a brow, wondering what she's getting at.

"How can you ever be at peace with what the future might bring, if you can't even face yourself in a mirror?" That... makes more sense than it should. I just rolled my eyes, but snuggled up to her anyway. Nothing wrong with a good snuggle for no apparent reason. Nothing at all.

* * *

I can do this. I know I can do this. This isn't some guy spying on a little girl. This isn't some pervert taking advantage. This is just me looking in the mirror. Just me and a mirror. Me and a mirror. I can do this!

Slowly opening my eyes, I tried not to get nervous – or freak out. Everything was blurry at first. The first thing I noticed was that the mirror was dusty. That already says something pretty sad. The second thing I notice, is that... the wooden frame needs some love. (-.-)'' Shoot me.

Now to the whole point of this... altercation. I let my eyes focus on the reflection of MY body. (My body, I'm not a pervert.)(My body, I'm not a pervert.)

I took in my hair. The way if frames my face. My plucked eyebrows (that shit fucking hurts, I don't care who disagrees!). My eyes – hey I have an intense gaze. And of course noticing that ruined it! (^-^)''

Moving on. Button nose. Soft, pouty lips. My fingers trailed along my lips, tracing the edges of my mouth. That feels kinda good. Sharp chin. Delicate cheek bones – not as angular as they used to be (Celtic ancestors, not my fault). Is that... No, this is poster child for Cutesy Futesy land.

I smiled at my own thoughts – a sour one at first, but... dimples. I had a crush on a girl back in primary school with dimples and a cute smile. Is this really me? Is this cute little girl really the person people see when they look at me?

Slender neck – no ostrich neck, that would have been weird. Narrow shoulders. Long and thin arms – need to put on some fat or muscle, cause this shit is embarrassing. Tiny wrists. Tiny hands – proportionate, but tiny compared to what I was used to. Long, almost elegant fingers – not swollen, thank Kami.

Ironing board chest – though I think Sakura-san was right... I can see a slight bulge around my nipples. Not very noticeable, but there – more like I'd need a magnifying glass just to confirm it.

Slender hips – they could model a ruler off me. Sparse underbrush – but definitely there. Oh crap! I'm looking at it and not blushing like a schoolgirl!

It's actually weird, now that I think about it – and see it from the female perspective. It's almost impossible to see it from the first person perspective. Even in the mirror it's hard to see actual detail. A line, that's it. This's the big secret all (straight) guys spend all their lives studying and searching for? Not even a big line. If this was all I knew, I'd probably never think about it at all. I mean, as a guy you feel your penis every time you move. When you're walking you feel it. When you pee, you need to hold it. When you're bathing it's hard to not notice it. Sit down the wrong way and you hurt it. It's a constant companion – and most guys treasure it as such.

Well, moving on. Slender thighs, almost fragile legs. And tiny feet. My skin is completely unblemished – no weird marks (other than the mole under my ankle and the three dots on my wrist), no scars. Well, not yet.

Even my ankles look cute.

I turned around to check out the details. Heart shaped tushie, gently sloped spine (there is a medical condition that bends your spine, that I really don't want to deal with) and two almost delicate looking shoulder blades. Twirling this way and that, I tried to take in all the details I could.

I look cute. This is me. This is my body. This is me. This is... weird as fuck! I can't believe Ka-san talked me into this shit...

I'd better get dressed before someone comes in and I'm forced to hurt them in ways no one needs to know about in advance.

* * *

It's Saturday once again, so no school. That's good, but it meant that the 'test' was coming that much closer. I still needed to find my escort – I'd rather die than ask Kouji or Daichi. I wouldn't tell them that, just in case I really did need to ask them.

I had spent the whole week cramming every detail I could into my poor brain. Details from table manners, proper etiquette befitting my status (Hanabi's words), makeup, coordinating outfits... No wonder females were the smarter sex – you'd have to be a fucking Einstein to be able to remember all this shit!

As well, I had to start breaking Naruto into this weird ass life. And then there was training with uncle Gai, Shizune-nee-san, Suzume-sensei... my own training – it's no wonder they say it could take years to learn to do elemental manipulation and the like.

Well, all in all, I didn't have the time to mope about my situation. I still hadn't gotten that 'magical' first, which I am definitely not complaining about. But at least I stopped complaining about shit I can't control.

"So let's see. Ka-san and Nee-san already left for the office." That they work seven days a week sucks, but I understand why they do it. "I'm meeting up with everyone for lunch." Nabi-chan, Naruto, Hinata, Jei and Konohamaru. It's weird how we were being jammed together so often these days, but everyone's... legal guardian (I guess)... agrees that this is for the best? I don't understand it, but at least I get to hang out with Nabi-chan more often this way. "And then there's training with Lee and uncle Gai at three."

I somehow struck a deal between Suzume-sensei, Nee-san and uncle Gai. We alternated training days, so I had two days to recover from training with uncle Gai... not that Nee-san was really any better. Sure, I still trained under Tenten every day she's in town, but that didn't quite wipe me out as much as the other trainings.

"Maybe I should get out of bed now..." Nah... another five minutes won't hurt. Besides, it's so warm here. Why would I want to get up? "Ooh, and the festival tomorrow!" I don't know the reason for the festival, and I really don't care. Hanabi and I already agreed we were going together, which was definitely cool.

#

"Wakey wakey!" I knew that voice... but how?

"Nabi?" My eyes shot open. "How did you... nevermind. Come on, there's plenty of room." I grabbed her waist and tugged her under the sheets with me. She giggled, tried to fight off her 'abduction'... and cursed my laziness quite a few times. But once she was settled in, she didn't fight cuddling with me.

She lay on her back, her left arm wrapped around my shoulder. I tried laying on her shoulder at first, but the bone kept poking me. So I moved to lay my head on her arm, her biceps more specifically. "that's a bit uncomfortable." She whispered. Fine, not there either. So I lay my head on her chest.

"you're comfy..." I shifted another few times until I could hear her steady heartbeat.

"am i?" I curled my leg over hers, letting them get tangled together.

"mm hmm." My hand didn't feel comfortable on her chest – not a lot of space left – so I let it hang over her side.

"you need to get ready you know." She started rubbing my back in tiny circles. She can say whatever she wants, but she doesn't want to budge from here either.

"lunch isn't for another four hours." I didn't even have to look at my clock to know that, I always ended up getting out of bed by eight – on Saturdays at least.

"so you want to laze around till then?" She asked, almost seeming hopeful.

"nah, i'm getting up in a few minutes to start on my meditation." I snuggled up to her a little closer. She's nice and warm right now, and that's a good thing. Although the mesh shirt she wears under her overshirt makes her feel a little... gritty? "next time we cuddle... no armor... not comfy."

"oh, is ai-chan already trying to get me out my clothes?" She's soo not getting a rise out of me for that.

"let me show you what i mean." I grabbed her free hand and rubbed it against her shirt – the armored one. "it feels like hugging a chicken coop... but like this-" I then rubbed her hand against my side.

"soft..." She said, almost in shock. I nodded into her chest – she has more boob than me, who would have thought. Then again... Hinata'll probably give Ka-san competition.

#

We kinda just lay there for a while. A long while. Neither of us had anything important to say, but we whispered this or that from time to time. She kept rubbing my back, or smoothing my hair.

"you do realize you've been laying on my breast for at least ten minutes right?" She asked, humor in her voice.

"oh? you have breast?" I teased. I knew she did, of course. "hard to tell with so much fabric covering it." I smiled, knowing she was blushing up a storm.

"if you wanted to touch them, you could have asked." I didn't just hear that. I tilted my head up to see her face, wondering if my ears were just playing tricks on me.

She was sporting a blush that made Hinata look emo. Holy shit! "nabi-chan... do you have a crush on me?" Her blushed deepened. She didn't answer, but she didn't have to. "Come on, I'm hungry."

* * *

A quick soak, changing into my day clothes and a meal later, I dragged Nabi into the meditation room. It wasn't really anything that special, just a room with candles and a large, shallow pool with water. It turned out that Suiton is the primary element of every Senju. Go figure.

I sat in the middle of the pool, letting the water soak clean through my clothes. "Ai, what are you doing?"

"Elemental affinity training. Since this could take a long time, Ka-san wanted me to start as soon as possible." I explained. I didn't know if I was allowed to explain the training to her, so I just left it at that. Still, she sat patiently near the door. From the feel of her chakra, she was either easing into a meditative state herself, or she just simply felt really calm.

I calmed myself, sought my center. Then I proceeded with phase one of Suiton training: Jumping Water. Essentially I have to learn to become one with the water, to make it move – or jump, preferably. After that I can learn to change my chakra into water, but this is the place to start.

#

An hour later, nothing was happening. Not that I was that surprised, I've been at it for weeks with no result. So why keep at it? I mean, all I feel is my chakra leaving me faster and faster. I remember the scroll saying that I had to saturate some water with my chakra, and then use that chakra to move the water. However, did I only have to saturate the water I wanted to affect? I thought so, seeing that's the only thing I was doing.

Still, I kept at it.

"Ai-chan... we need to start getting ready. Don't forget we have a lunch to attend." Hanabi reminded me. We still had two hours before we were supposed to be there – which I don't ever take to get ready.

"Mou... and here I thought you were happy I'm wet..." I love making her blush. really I do. Anyway, better make sure I understand what this is really about. "So what's the rush?" I got up, making my way to the door, not even caring about my dripping clothes. Why? Because of some weird seals that refused to let the water travel out of the room.

"Well... I need to get Konohamaru, you need to get Jei..." She's dancing around the answer. Whatever, I'll figure out her real answer anyway.

The second we left the room I was completely dry. Sadly, it doesn't help if you need to go to the bathroom though. Now that's a seal I don't mind having! Not like anyone with that much expertise would do something that practical.

Anyway, we made our way back to my room. I lay out the clothes I was going to wear on my bed – we were going semi-formal, so I lay out my Komon Kimono. As well as my geta, I was starting to like wearing them – it made it easier to _accidentally_ step on someone's toe.

I got out the dangly earrings and switched out the ones I had in, did up my make up – just some eyeshadow (daytime, so I went with a light blue and made sure to pick the matching obi) and lip gloss. I stripped down to my unmentionables and suited up – making sure to strap my leg pouch to my left arm. My legs are skinny too, so I had to take the smallest one they had.

"Have you no shame? I can see you!" Hanabi put her hands on her cheeks, acting like she was blushing.

"Nabi-chan, we've bathed together. You seeing me getting dressed is the least of my worries." I tossed over my shoulder as I checked my reflection in my vanity mirror. "How do I look?" Why did I ask that? Must be paint chips under my bed or something.

"..." She was giving me a thorough once over. I could actually feel her eyes dancing over my every curve – which is hard to do, seeing as I'm as curved as... never mind. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. You can fly, you can...

I'm so weird. "Either I look good, or you are thinking of a nice reason the have me strip down again." She blushed. "Come on. We'll get Jei first."

* * *

Walking out the front door, I looked around the ghost town I lived in. For reasons I couldn't understand, this section of Konoha was all but empty. I mean an entire neighborhood with only us living in the main house in the center. It got lonely in there sometimes. Ka-san never likes to talk about the Senju clan – she'd rather give me scrolls regarding the,.

"Where does Jei even live?" I asked Hanabi, who looked at me funny. "What?" She thumbed the house right across from mine, which I eyed curiously.

"He's been living there since he got to Konoha." She explained. Seriously? And no housewarming party?

"Well, let's go then." I shrugged, not sure why she thought my not noticing was weird. It's not like I knew my neighbors in the city either!

"you really are clueless."

"You say something, Nabi-chan?" She shook her head, letting me drag her across the street.

#

We knocked on the doorpost – the doors were a little flimsy, so knocking on them might break them. "Sorry for intruding!" Well, that's what it sounding like to me, anyway.

There was no answer for a while, but eventually crying could be heard. The crying steadily got louder, obviously making its way to the front door. I wondered at that, seeing as I didn't know anything about his home life – or if he even really lived there.

"Hello?" The door slid open. "Ai, Hanabi. What's up?" He looked like he had been dragged through the mud a few times, smelling like... apples and cherries? The crying seemed to be coming from a very unhappy little girl currently clinging to his left leg, obviously having been dragged from wherever they were in the house.

"You're not ready for the lunch. That much is obvious." Hanabi intoned, earning her a glare from both Jei and me.

"Nabi-chan, go on and get Konohamaru, I'll help sort this out." I said. She looked uncertain, like the whole point of this was to be with me – which was actually kinda touching. "I promise, after lunch I'm all yours. You can even come to my training with uncle Gai later." She blanched, which was the point. I may not mind her crushing on me, but I am not the type to be tied down simply because the other person can't learn to share...

Fuck that sounds so wrong! "I'll pass on that one." She still didn't look any more certain about leaving my side.

Then a scent hit us. A scent all non parents fear more than anything in this unholy world. "Did Michiko-chan do a stinky?" Jei asked the bundle of smells surgically attached to his leg. I saw a little head – which didn't even reach Jei's knee – shake from one side to the other, no. Then a pair of eyes glued to me and Hanabi, clearly nervous about something. If I had to guess, she was between one and a half and two years old. "Look, I know I'm running late, but it's a bit hectic here right now. I'll still meet you guys at the restaurant at the appointed time."

Hanabi was already taking little steps away from them. Babies, cute. Toddlers, cute. Baby and/or toddler with what smells like a toxic waste site in their pamper... not so cute. Still, he'll never manage on his own. Not with his face, and most of his clothes covered in what I can only assume is baby food. "Nabi-chan, you can always lend a hand too." I smiled warmly at Hanabi, who seemed to have lost her nerve. I guess her crush isn't strong enough to battle a dirty diaper.

She sputtered some excuse, bowed and hightailed it outta there. I did catch the reminder to be at the appointed place at the appointed time. No, really?

#

After ushering Jei back into his own home – and removing my geta at the door – I started ordering him around. Which Michiko(?) seemed to enjoy. "Hi there, I'm Ai-chan. What's your name?" I asked. Jei managed to get her to let him go, saying he had to go get some things for her.

"Kikiko." She answered, puffing out her chest proudly. She had the cutest little voice you could ever imagine.

"Michiko? That's a pretty name." I smiled at her, then tried to decipher whatever she was trying to tell me next. "Did Michiko-chan do a stinky?" It's always best to phrase questions the way the child is used to hearing it – when you don't know them at least. Otherwise they will just answer yes or no on a hunch, leading nowhere.

She nodded. "Well, Jei-nii-chan is getting a diaper and some wipes, would you mind if I help clean you up?" I asked. She tilted her head to one side – not really liking the idea, but thinking about it. "That way Jei-nii-chan can get cleaned up too. Then he won't smell so stinky." She covered her little mouth with her hands, giggling about that.

"Ya, nii, tinky!" She giggled some more.

"But if I clean Michiko-chan, then Jei-nii-chan can clean himself up, and not be so stinky anymore." I pointed out. She seemed to think about it some more, her owlish glare never leaving my face.

She smiled at me, having come to her verdict. "Ya! Ai-" she gurgled some words out I didn't catch. "Kikiko... nii no tinky!"

Jei took that moment to come back into the room, handing me what I needed and telling me that the changing table was over in the next room. His eyes were full of wonder about something – I'll be damned if I understood what though.

"Alright, Tinky-nii-chan. Go get ready." I instructed, earning another giggle and Michiko trying to parrot what I said (I think).

I lifted the little girl up, careful not to let her diaper get too close to my kimono. We walked into the next room and I placed her on the changing table – which was oddly the right height for me...? That means an adult would be breaking his or hear back to reach this thing! Whatever, not my problem. I rolled back my sleeves, and with practiced ease I went about changing this cute little girl.

Opening the pamper, making a joke about the mess – earning another giggle. Cleaning all the chocolate colored (but definitely not chocolate flavored) sludge from her caramel skin, wrapping the diaper in on itself and setting that aside. Then I took another few wipes and wiped her skin down again, making sure to clean between her butt cheeks and her vagina good – and the nook where her legs met her body.

The extra wipes joined the diaper, and I opened the new, clean diaper properly before placing it under her. Then came to grand finally, announced by my telling her it was going to snow just for her. She giggled some more. Then I poured some of the powder onto her skin and she giggled even more, yelling for more snow. I tied the diaper at both sides, making sure to to apply the pin after the knot was tied and pulled back on her pants to prevent her from playing with the pins.

"All clean!" I announced. She made to stand up, so I helped her back down to the ground.

"Aw keen!" She parroted, or tried to. "Ai... come!" She reached up for my hand, grabbing my index and middle finger the first chance she got. She tugged me back to the main room, telling me something about her 'Ka-ka', which I assumed was her mother.

"Ai, you already done?" I heard Jei calling from upstairs.

"Yeah! It's just a diaper! It doesn't take that long!" I called back. Michiko giggled and tried shouting the same thing, I think. Her announcement ended in 'nnong' so I assume she was trying to say it too. "Dunno what you want me to do with the diaper though! It's not the disposable kind, so I didn't ditch it!"

He said something back, but I didn't follow. I just unrolled my sleeves, trying to smooth out the minor creases. Then I started chasing Michiko around the living room, smiling a little wider every second as she laughed and screamed as she waddled away from me. She was putting more energy is rising her legs than she was making actually headway, but that was pretty normal for her age.

I heard someone coming down the stairs, I assumed it was Jei, so I kept chasing the little girl around. Then when she turned around and grabbed my leg, a sign she wanted to do something else, I started playing peek-a-boo with her. Her laugh was so melodic, just like another little laugh I knew. My heart ached for **my** little girl.

#

"Is that you laughing so much, Chiko-chan?" A tired, and decidedly female, voice asked. I turned to see a tall woman standing at the foot of the stairs. Silver hair, golden eyes, milky white skin... creases on her face, so she just woke up from a nap. Tall, elegant, scattered little scars decorating her skin, hands and fingers. And a swell in her belly that announced a pregnancy in its third trimester. She wore a house dress, golden yellow in color, and no shoes. The only other detail I could really pick up was the glowing smile on her face.

"Ka-ka!" Michiko dashed for her, latching on her leg and started rattling off things I couldn't hope to understand.

"Kaminari-san, I apologize for the noise. I was unaware you were taking a nap." I bowed to her, hoping she didn't make a scene seeing a perfect stranger was in her house playing with her daughter.

"And you are?" She asked, not seeming to mind my presence.

"Ai. I live across the street. I came to collect Jei for the lunch planned today, but he seemed to need a little help." I smiled, showing I didn't mind helping in the least.

"Ah." Her mind was still half asleep, I knew the look. "Thank you." She bowed her head a bit. "Come, Chiko-chan. No more running from your nap."

"Ka-ka! Hmph!" Michiko crossed her arms, vexed by the dreaded word (nap).

"Michiko-chan, you need to listen to your Ka-chan. If Michiko is a good little girl, Ai-chan will come back to play with you soon. Okay?" I tapped her nose on the last word, getting a grumpy glare in reply. "Will it help if Ai-chan tucks you in and sings a lullaby?" She humphed again, turning her head away from me. She still nodded though.

"Come on, then. Up on the pony, and we'll ride right into your bed, okay?" I hunched forward, offering her my back to climb up on. I felt two tiny hands grabbing on to neck as she clung to me.

The sleepy kunoichi before me just rolled her eyes, telling me to follow her. She was clearly in no mood to care how Michiko got tucked in, so long as she went to sleep. I followed her into a large room with a single futon in the middle – which she herself climbed into. She then motioned for Michiko to join her.

I placed the little girl on the ground, smiling as she carefully lay herself in her mother's embrace. Both females yawned like wild bears, the smacked their mouths like they were tasting something bitter. I didn't get it, but I didn't have to.

As promised I started humming the same lullaby I sang for my kids every night after I tucked them into bed. I rubbed both of their heads from time to time, trying to ease them into a gentle sleep.

What? Mother dearest needed her beauty sleep too!

#

Once light snores filled the room, I kissed them both on their temples and silently made my way out the room. I slid the door shut as quietly as I could, turning towards the stairs to make my way back down.

"Impressive." I didn't hear the words, so much as I saw them play across Jei's face. He was dressed in casual shirt and pants, and finally looked clean. He motioned for me to follow him, already making his way down the stairs. That was a little... odd.

* * *

Arriving in front of the restaurant – with ten minutes to spare – I saw familiar faces waving Jei and I over.

"Ai-chan, bout time you showed up!" A less familiar one greeted. He was wearing an olive men's kimono, and a deep blue over pants – which according to Hanabi is customary formal wear when leaving one's home. I was about to ask who the hell that was, when I noticed the whiskers on his face.

"Naruto?" I nearly wet myself from shock! Gone was every trace of orange, leaving only a familiar face. Hell, even his hair had been tamed for the occasion – I think the forehead protector was also playing a role in taming the beast. Someone managed to beat it back with a comb and buried it in gel to keep it from rampaging. I'd pay to see that happen again!

"What? This was your doing..." He pouted, then huffed indignantly. He turned to walk into the restaurant, not caring if anyone was following him. Which showed off the Uzumaki swirl where the clan symbol was usually displayed (between the shoulder blades). Hinata smiled a little brighter at seeing him like that, though she was blushing the whole time. I didn't doubt she was behind the outfit, and the symbol. She was wearing a green and white kimono – Komon Kimono, only basic color and white repetitive decoration on it. Still, the orange obi she wore said more than her blush ever would.

Next to her was Hanabi, in the same shirt and pants she always was. She can be such a tom... fuck. She's the tomboy, and that means... I'm turning into the girly one...

Moving on (before I get myself all depressed). Konohamaru was wearing a men's kimono as well. He was pretty much a mini Naruto, but the sword hilt stuck over his right shoulder. He took to wearing it as a constant reminder of our pact.

#

We all entered the establishment, announcing that we had an reservation. I could see the slight hesitation in the Maitre D's eyes, but once he saw the white eyed Hyuugas, the more than familiar 'Honorable Grandson' and the Senju clan symbol on the back of my obi – which I had turned to whisper something to Hanabi just for that purpose – he grabbed the required amount of menus and ushered us in.

This was probably Ka-san's big plan with this lunch. Too many respectable people surrounding the 'tainted one', so that meant he had good friends in high places. People tend not to fuck with you when they notice you have good connections. Most of the time, anyway.

We were given a private booth in the back, away from the crowds. It was spacious enough for eight, but it only seated on two sides. So Konohamaru, Naruto and Hinata took one side. While Hanabi took the corner, placing me between her and Jei. I didn't mind the arrangement, it placed me next to my best friend and... something of a cutey.

I sighed at my own thoughts. "By the way, Ai. What did you do to my little sister?" Jei asked, tearing me away from Hanabi's mute interrogation at me sighing.

"... Nothing?" I wasn't really sure what he was talking about. "I changed her diaper, suited her back up and played with her until your mom came downstairs." Nothing peculiar about that, not to me. Sure, he might be shocked that a perfect stranger managed to play with her like that... but I had two kids for shit's sake! I know how to coddle and comfort them.

"..." Jei just stared at me blankly. I shrugged, still not getting the problem. Then Hanabi jabbed me in the ribs, calling me back to her questioning glare. I mouthed that I'd tell her everything later.

"So, Naruto-nii! Looking good!" When in the spotlight, divert!

He humphed, still obviously not pleased. "You set me up, Ai." He groused. "They didn't let me pick anything orange!" It's better than the pink and puce I was aiming for!

"And the problem is...?" I asked, earning another humph. "Look, orange is cool and all, but it isn't stealthy. As well, you need to start adding some variation to your wardrobe. And your diet."

"..." He looked even less impressed.

"If you behave like a good boy, we'll let you pick out your next outfit." I offered, smiling a little wider at his mumbled cursing reply.

"..." Less impressed again, if that was possible.

"I'll teach you a cool jutsu?" I knew enough of his training regimen from the 'future' to know how to get him on track, so it wasn't a total lie. Well, that got him on his best behavior real quick.

"You don't know any jutsu!" Konohamaru pointed a finger at me accusingly.

"I don't?" I raised an eyebrow at him. Just then the waiter came and filled our glasses with water, jotting down our orders.

I grabbed my glass, forcing some chakra into it. Once I felt the flow lessen – meaning it was filled with my chakra – I started swirling it. I just so happened to spy my own hair swirl, so I knew I was a lefty (counterclockwise).

All eyes were immediately glued to my glass, their chins resting on the table (or was it on the floor?). What? You didn't think I would know the steps to the Rasengan without at least attempting it, did you? And before you wonder why I can do this, but not the water jumping, it's completely diff... who the hell am I talking to? I really am weird.

Wait a minute! Was it so different? Or was it just a lesser body of water, and therefore easier to affect? I slowed the swirling, but kept my chakra under tight surveillance. Once it stopped moving, I tried to jump the water again – focusing my chakra on a small portion near the top.

It started to ripple – my control sucked! But I managed to get a single drop to jump out of the water. I couldn't be prouder of myself.

"I was fighting against myself the whole time...!" I mumbled, finally understanding why the fucking water wouldn't budge! My intentions to calm myself filtered into the water I was trying to control, making the water calm – and therefore would not budge a fucking inch!

PROGRESS!

I spent the rest of the lunch trying to control the jump a little better each time.

* * *

After lunch, Hanabi practically dragged me off to bug the details outta me. I noticed that Konohamaru and Jei decided to follow us, which led Naruto to get curious – especially seeing that I now owed him a jutsu. And Hinata was likely trailing Naruto, just to be sure.

I guess that means that Hanabi and I were once again the ring leaders. That says something really sad about this bunch. Really sad.

"spill it. now." She had her Byakugan activated to make sure no one was close enough to eavesdrop. So even though we were walking down an alley in the Commercial District, I knew this would actually be a private conversation... so long as we kept our voices low.

"i'm turning girly." I admitted, more exasperated than embarrassed.

"so?" She didn't get it. Of course she didn't. She know Senju Ai, the clueless chick that has no qualms with her best friend wanting to get into her panties – figuratively... not sure if she would want to wear them too. She might though.

"i've always thought of myself as one of the guys. being a girly girl is fucking weird." It wasn't a complete lie, was it? She seemed to see my point though.

"so why is it bugging you now?" That is exactly the question I can't answer. Still, it's a good question. I mean... I'm walking around dressed like a girl, wearing panties, training bras, buying pads and learning the ins and outs of makeup and proper etiquette. Why _is_ it bugging me now?

"dunno." I shrugged. Not very revealing, but truthful. I simply had no clue.

"maybe it's the idea that your ka-san is coining you off on some guy?" Doubtful. Ka-san would sooner kill the guy than... wait a minute...

Hanabi being admittedly lesbian, being forced to hide that from her family to the point where a crush was starting to develop on any female that showed her heartfelt kindness. Kin or no... "is that what's happening to you?"

She didn't answer, not that I expected her too. Still, the pain I saw just below the surface... Odds were that her father knew about her preferences. Perhaps he was arranging – or simply agreeing to – these 'play dates' so that she would 'see the error of her ways'? It wasn't that uncommon. Perhaps to a lesser extent than it was for guys – seeing as females could still bare a child heedless of their sexual orientation. Then there was also the talk I had with Shizune, and later with Ka-san about the expectations of a female in this world.

Basically it boiled down to baring and rearing heirs. Nothing more, nothing less. Chores could be worked around – most nobles could afford servants and maids to do the daily tasks. But producing a legal heir – and some preferred multiple heirs to have more options to chose from – fell to the wife.

I fucking hated that mentality. Preferences be damned, habits be fucked, desires be ass-raped. It was all about making sure that some rich fuck who knew nothing about a female's burden be granted the opportunity to create more rich fucks so that their own ego could swell to the point of bursting. Then allowing that new rich fuck to inherit said ego, to be once again passed down to the next generation.

Over my dead, cold, worm infested corpse. Any boy, guy or man that tries that shit with me will see how much I know about torture.

"Earth to Ai!" Hanabi waved her hand in front my face.

"Oh, sorry... kinda just spaced out there." I smiled, rubbing my left thumb nervously.

"Yeah, and you nearly made that old lady faint from the killer intent you were radiating." She nodded towards a heavily sweating, aged woman – who was looking at me like I was going to murder her entire family in front of her (or some such bullshit).

Oops.

* * *

Later, having changed into more combat ready clothing – meaning dull grays and a recently purchased armored shirt and pants under it – I was on my way to uncle Gai and Lee. Unfortunately I was not entirely successful in shaking off the new shadows I acquired.

"Seriously, if uncle Gai doesn't want you guys spying on his training regimen I won't stick up for you." I warned. Everyone kind of shrugged, not caring.

In addition to Naruto, Jei, Konokamaru,m Hanabi and Hinata... I somehow managed to 'find' Kouji and Daichi along the way. How I get myself in these situations is beyond me. And none of them looked like they were going to fuck off any time soon either. Seriously, what the hell?

#

Once we made it to the appointed location, I noticed Lee and uncle Gai waiting. I waved at them, calling their names. They smiled at me, but I noticed uncle Gai's eyes lingering on the crowd I attracted. "I tried to lose them." I told him honestly. "But they seem to be fixated on either stalking me, or learning from you. I leave it up to you either way." I neither requested anything, nor insinuated that this would be seen as a favor to me. This is his show, and I'm just here for the peanuts.

He nodded to show he heard me, uncharacteristically serious. "We'll start with three hundred Flying Tiger pushups. Anyone who feels up to the task can stay."

Lee and I didn't argue. We did some stretches, did a handstand and got to work. Our body weight resting solely on ten fingertips – I really hope Lee wasn't wearing those weights, he still wasn't allowed to overdo it.

While working out, I kept a casual eye on my entourage. The first thing I noticed was that everyone was staring at Lee and me like we were nuts. Maybe we were. The second thing I noticed, was Konohamaru and Naruto deciding that they would not be left behind. Those two were meant to be brothers, I just know it.

Soon Jei, Kouji and Daichi joined in, leaving only the Hyuuga sisters. I honestly didn't expect either of them to do this – it was counter effective to their Gentle Fist style. This exercise was meant to build up arm and chest muscles, while toughening up the fingertips for strikes (with a splash of balance training for the hell of it). These were all pointless fore them, and the larger muscles would be less flexible for the speeds they would need to strike accurately during a battle. So after this uncle Gai would likely have us do some speed and flexibility training to counter it... but that would bring things back into balance, not increase what they needed.

For that reason alone – and I knew they understood it well enough – I was twice as touched when the sisters started stretching and got into a handstand.

"Ai-san, you have brought most youthful friends to fan their flames of youth with Gei-sensei!" Lee was being his usual exuberant self.

"Yeah, I guess I did." I smiled, trying not to let the blood flow to my brain affect me too much.

"Yosh! Once you're done with those pushups, we'll do three hundred crunches. Then five hundred punches with each arm and five hundred kicks with each leg." Uncle Gai rattled of exercise after exercise he intended to subject us to. I don't know why he bothers, it's the same thing every time I come here – and I can tell he waters it down because of Lee's condition.

I wonder if I'll be able to _walk_ home this time?

* * *

"Yosh! Ai-chan, you simply must bring your friends with you next time as well!" Uncle Gai was still rearing to go. Lee looked like he was as well.

The rest of us however... Well, war might be more fun that training under this man. I couldn't feel my arms or legs – nothing new. What was new, was that I was on the receiving end of more than a few glares.

"Hey, you all agreed to this. Don't act like I forced anyone to do anything." That shut them up – not like they had to energy to talk much anyway.

"Aw, come on. It wasn't that bad." Naruto looked like he was just warming up. Which both uncle Gai and Lee took note of. "I'm definitely coming back to train with you some more, Bushier Brow-sensei!" He is too much. Really he is.

"Naruto-nii, he name is Gai. Maito Gai. Giving him an annoying nick name says more about you that it ever will about him. So please refer to him as Gai-sensei." I said, trying to remain standing.

Naruto nodded. "Well, I'm off them. Bush... Gai-sensei, if you are serious about the offer for extra training, then I will see you in three days." When he received a nod and a smile, Naruto dashed off like he hadn't spent the last two and a half hours ripping his muscles apart. Lucky bastard.

I may not have been as bad off as Kouji and Daichi – who were taking a nap on the ground – but I sure as hell wasn't laughing it off.

"Well, guys, I'll see you. Uncle Gai, Tuesday, same time, same place." I turned and started... walking (I guess) towards my home. I wasn't quite limping, but I didn't feel like it should really be referred to as 'walking' either.

Either way, I need to take a nice _**LOOOOOOONG**_ soak before Tenten and Yun come over later for another round of training. Why am I doing this to myself again?

* * *

There I sat, nursing my bruises and licking my wounds. Dinner had been served a few minutes ago, and Tenten and Yun had already left. It was just Nee-san, Ka-san and I. They were taking their time with their meals, since they didn't quite burn off calories the way I did with my training schedule.

Me on the other hand... I ate twice as much as both of them combined, in half the time. Not very lady-like, bit it eased the growling tiger in my gut. It did leave me with more time than I cared for with nothing to do – I enjoyed the company too much to excuse myself from the table.

"Ka-san... why didn't you ever get married?" The atmosphere immediately tensed. "Other than losing your true love."

"Why do you ask?" She stayed her reaction at putting her bowl of rice and chopsticks on the table. She didn't seem upset with me, but it was clearly a subject she would try to avoid if she could.

I tilted my head this way then that, trying to gather my thoughts. "So many things I don't understand about this world." I told her honestly. "War being preferred above peace. People being little more than tools... a little girl having her husband chosen for her, heedless of her thoughts on the matter."

I wasn't done. "I mean... why is it people seek honor only through controlling things that should not be in their control?"

She nodded, probably glad she could get away with not talking about her past. "People have a hard time accepting that everything is out of their control." She replied, agreeing with me and chastising me at the same time. I blushed. "But it's more than that. People tend to stick to what they know. So if they know fighting, or if they know war, or if they know that the strong will conquer the weak... they tend to stick to it."

"Or if they know that the noble clans lead, and all others follow..." She nodded at my words.

"No one stops to think about how things can get better. They just try live how they were taught to." She grabbed her chopsticks again, picking up her bowl to eat.

"..." That was a lot to take in for me. Coming from a generation that was brought up with Nas telling us 'I know I can', telling us what he would do with 'One Mic'. And Tanya Stephans singing 'Do you still care'. And countless others trying to bring a level of awareness to awaken the mind and spirit of the suffering of others as well as ourselves. Living in a country that donates millions every year to save birds and donkeys and dogs in third world countries.

On the flip side though... even in that world there was always war. War means money, and people like money. They don't need it, just everything that they can get from that very same money.

Maybe it's the small town, country boy in me, or maybe it's the knowledge that it is possible to live off the land and be peaceful. Maybe it's the naïve hope that there might one day be world peace. Or maybe just the kid in me that never quite grew up that wanted to be happy, truly happy.

Maybe it was watching CNN and seeing the stories of those kicked out of their homes, or murdered in their sleep. Maybe it was the stories I was told from the older generation that suffered during the world wars. The hunger, the suffering, the restlessness... watching your children slowly die one day at a time...

"Then I'll change it." Or maybe I had just simply lost my motherfucking mind. Said mind was screaming to shut the hell up, to take it back, to see the error of my ways. "I'll start by showing those closest to me that there is another way to live, another way to exist." My heart kept egging me on, refusing for me to stop. "Then, I'll teach them to teach others. We'll grow strong together, not for the sake of waging war... but for the sake of stopping them from harming us."

I nodded at my own words, somehow mystically believing that the act of nodding made it real. I'm so fucking weird.

* * *

Not even an hour later, I was in the meditation room again. With my absolutely insane resolution fresh in my mind, I sat and meditated. My eyes were closed, but I didn't need to see... I needed to feel the water around me.

Three balls of water were hovering around me, defying gravity that should hold it down. Logically it was impossible, wasn't it? Did the ability to defy one logical force, justify the ability to defy another?

And why the fuck am I being this goddamn philosophical? The globs dropped, reuniting with the rest of the water. "You've come a long way." Ka-san said.

I just gathered my chakra, and started jumping the water, then hovered it mid air. "Maybe, but I have much further to go."

Sitting there in silence, I kept moving the orbs around, trying to continuously sense where they were without the use of my eyes. "There is another scroll on Suiton training on your desk. I want you to read through it and start practicing that as well. When you are done with that scroll, we will move on to more practical applications."

I nodded, not letting myself get distracted.

"As well, Shizune will start teaching you the basics of Iryou Ninjutsu. The complexity of even the simplest of Medical Ninjutsu is taxing, but you will be better for it." I nodded, still taking it all in stride. Somehow it didn't matter to me. I was going to surpass my ancestors, I was going to do something that no one ever thought was possible.

"And Ai." I could feel her coming closer, wrapping her arms around me, kissing the top of my head, hugging me just a little tighter. "I'm proud of you."

Such simple words. Such simple, almost inane words. So why did I suddenly want to cry? So much I didn't understand.

* * *

That night, a storm hit Konoha. It wasn't anything life threatening really, just some bad weather and lightning here and there. It was enough for most children in to want to crawl into their mother's bed though.

Sitting at my desk, I was reading my new scroll when the first bolt of lightning hit. It didn't bother me, it never did. What it did do, was it made me think. In my previous life, I was the source of comfort to those around me. And when I was a child, I used to enjoy looking through my window as the lightning flashed. I was never one that sought comfort.

I hated that. Just because I didn't ask for it, didn't mean I didn't want it. I always wanted it...

Another flash of lighting. Counting the seconds (one, Mississippi, two, Mississippi, thr-), there came the thunder. That one was fairly close by.

"Ai, sweetie, are you still up?" Ka-san came in without knocking. Well, if she thought I was sleeping, of course she wouldn't knock – not that she had to knock on my behalf.

"Yeah." I kept my eyes trained on the scroll, but I wasn't reading any longer. I could feel my heart beating in my throat, suddenly hoping for something... something more... I dunno. Just more.

"Is the storm bothering you?" She asked, petting my hair. I could feel the back of my head rubbing against her tummy – the rest of her warmth was blocked from the back of my office chair.

Leaning back, trying to soak in as much of her as I could, I shook my head, no. "I kinda like thunderstorms, it's the perfect reason to cuddle up in bed." She started combing through my hair with her fingers, humming as she thought about something.

"Yeah, like with your doll?" She was smiling, I could hear it in her voice. I didn't even care if she was teasing me... talk about starving for attention.

"No..." I wasn't sure what to do, or what to say. I just knew that I needed this – I've been needing this. Feeling her that close to me, her fingernails gently scraping against my scalp, listening to the gently melody her body was playing for me...

"Come on, it's time to call it a night. All little girls are already sleeping." I knew she meant to roll up my scroll and hop into bed, it's been something of a ritual between us. I knew what was expected... but I didn't move. Somehow risking upsetting her was worth me getting in another few seconds of this... warmth. "Poor thing, already asleep."

She shifted, somehow. I didn't understand it – it didn't feel like I was sleeping. Then, the world shifted, she was picking me up. But not bridal style. No, she cradled my head in the nape of her neck, she draped my arms around her and tucked my legs around her middle.

I was being hoisted in much the same way I would pick up a fussy toddler. And I couldn't care less.

The scent of soap and the body lotion she used filled my senses. The warmth of the full body contact... Kami-sama I love this more than I should. Then she tucked her one arm under my rear to support my weight, wrapping the other around my middle to prevent me from falling. I felt safe. Like all the world could come tumbling down around me and she would still manage to keep me from harm. And I didn't want that feeling to end. Ever.

The hand that was on my back shifted upwards to support my neck – she was planning on putting me down on my bed to tuck me in. NO! NOT YET! NOT EVER!

Something in me just refused to let her go – and I fully supported it. All my muscles tensed as one, clinging to her. My vocal chords were making a refusal grunt, even my neck was twisting my head to tell her no. It didn't feel like I was in charge of any of those actions – maybe I really did fall asleep? I dunno, but I don't really care. If this helped me to hold on to her just a little longer... it would be worth it. Pride be damned.

"Tsunade-sama, is everything alright?" I could hear Nee-san's voice.

"Yeah. Ai-chan just fell asleep before I got her into bed." I almost smiled at the amusement in Ka-san's voice. "It's pretty normal for me to have to tuck her in after training with Gai... but this is the first time she's refusing to let go."

"You want me to take her?" What am I? A poodle?

"Do you think you could?" Damn straight! Wait? Why am I still conscious? If I'm asleep, why can I still follow the whole fucking conversation? "I'll take her into my room for tonight. Could you straighten up her desk?"

"Sure." Then I felt something warm pressing against my back. Something soft pressed against the side of my head and I heard a muffled kissing sound. "Good night, Imouto-chan. Sweet dreams."

#

Soft footsteps echoed through the hall as we made our way to wherever we were going. I didn't care. I was in my Ka-san's arms and she didn't mind me being there. Hell, I might even go as far as to say she wanted me in her arms – maybe even as much as I wanted to be there.

When did it come to this? When did my world start revolving around this woman? When did she find the power over me to want to be her little girl?

Heh, her little girl... she probably already thinks of me as just that. So why was it so soothing to think that? To know that?

I just know that I needed to be here. I needed her arms around me, her scent filling my lungs. I needed her.

Slowly, I could feel my consciousness slipping away. I was drifting off in this sweet bliss. The world shifted again, and something was put against me – or was it on top of me? The warmth I felt radiating from Ka-san was just as steady, so I knew she was right there. I hoped she would always be right there.

A kiss was planted on my brow and soft words were murmured. If I didn't know any better I would think that... nah, it couldn't be.

Then a warm breath started tickling my ear. "did you hear me, ai... i said i love you. and i always will."

"... love you... ka-san..."

**End Chapter 6**

* * *

**A/N: Once again let me iterate, if anyone should find the scene with Ai staring in the mirror, or the cuddle scene with Hanabi inappropriate for a T-rating, I dully understand. I have no intention of mislabeling any of my stories, but I do not see this as requiring a mature mind to read it. These are things I believe that teens need to know about and understand - it is after all mostly the things they face daily.**

**However, I am in no position to argue about rules and regulations. My artistic views have no place in the realm. As such, should anyone find this M-rated, please inform me either via review or PM and it will be changed accordingly.**

**Having said that, I am actually quite amazed at how popular this fic is getting. I trust you guys are enjoying the material? Or maybe you like seeing poor Ai-chan squirming from what an average day is bringing her? Either way, I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter of Cosmic Comedy.**

**By the way, who can guess what song is playing the background when I am writing the more emotional scenes?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**

**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**

**There are only two more chapters before we hit a time skip – only so much I can put poor Ai through before the action starts. However, after the time skip, the genres will change from 'Humor/Drama' to Adventure/Drama' (sorry people always have just that much drama in their lives).**

* * *

"Close your eyes." Hanabi instructed. For some reason that made me look around just a little. Children were running around, decrees of which game was the funnest in the whole world being tossed this way and that. Girls – teenagers if my guess was right – were giggling and chatting about either boys or candies (probably eye candy, or the shape of the squid on a stick resembling a boy's... nevermind).

Matsuri, Futaba, Choco and Yun were still gushing over the oversized bear that Jei won for me - I'll never understand what possessed him to give it to me though. And the boys (using the term loosely) were at another game stand trying to prove they were a better shot than the last.

Turning my attention back to Hanabi, I nodded and closed my eyes. I felt my left hand being tugged towards her. The sleeve of my new kimono – some what dressier than my first, but not nearly as dressy as the Furisode Ka-san wanted me to wear to the gala – was tugged back, letting the cool evening breeze kiss my skin.

Something cold was being wrapped around my wrist, making me shiver a little. "Open your eyes." Following instruction, I opened my eyes to see a bright smile on everyone's faces. Somehow I didn't expect that, so I blinked a few times to make sure I was seeing right. Yup, smiling like kids on Christmas trying to wake up their parents shouting 'Santa was here!'.

Finally looking to my wrist, I see a charm bracelet made up of dozens of little circular links. Some of those links had little charms attached – the kanji for love (my name), sword, woman. There's a bit of a running joke in the class about kunoichi being a broken woman, seeing that if you write the three strokes for On'na [女], meaning woman, you get the three symbols in Katagana for Ku-no-ichi[くノ一], meaning nine talented one. And the last charm was... the kanji for 'faith'.

"It's beautiful." My eyes were fixated on that last kanji. Faith... it was something that I have always treasured. I'd had to! I was learning a healing system that required a lot of it. Especially the first few years, when everything thought I was talking nothing but shit about being able to heal without using a single operation, or modern medicinal pill or salve. It was blasphemy to the doctors I was constantly bothered by.

Faith was the only thing I could say was a constant in my life – until I got kids. It was also part of the three symbols I always carried on me – a Christian cross, an anchor and a heart (faith, love and hope).

I had stopped being a religious Christian a long time ago – I couldn't take the hypocrisy. To preach to the world that God loves you heedless of your sins... then turn around and tell people how to live, close your doors to homosexuals, cast out divorcees because they aren't showing a Christian example. And let's not forget that this same ever patient, all knowing, and ultimate expression of love God would let his children burn in hell for all eternity because they didn't believe in him. Gotta love that one.

I still kept the lessons of Christianity close to my heart, but I had cast aside the mantel of unity in that topsy turvy nuthouse they seem to love living in. But that's a complaint for another day.

"Thanks guys." I actually knew who had picked which charm. Yun got the 'sword', Choco went for 'woman' (she was the one that punched Samo for calling kunoichi 'broken women'), Futaba got 'love' (she loves teasing me, though she still stutters a bit with it), Matsuri would want to buy the bracelet itself... and Hanabi...

Hanabi was the one that got the first hug. I don't know how she knew to get 'faith' for me... but I tried to hug her tight enough for her to understand how much it meant to me. "Happy birthday." She whispered.

"..." I made birthday... shit. I never thought to ask that. Of course there would be a birthday attached to this persona. "How did you even know?" When in doubt, ask too many questions.

"Tsunade-sama told Otou-sama." Hanabi admitted. The breadcrumbs from there were plainly obvious. "She also made sure to say that not all of your memories came back. Just some scattered here and there."

I couldn't help but smile at that. Leave it to Ka-san to arrange this and give me the perfect excuse to go with knowing nothing about it. "You should have told me that you had partial amnesia, by the way." Hanabi pushed me back a little to show she wasn't pleased with me.

"Sorry, must have forgotten." I stuck my tongue out, earning a few giggles here and there. Hanabi just rolled her eyes though. She muttered something about clueless... and I could swear I heard Matsuri muttering 'troublesome'.

Too bad they weren't done with the gift giving. Yun gave me a pouch to attach to my Saya (that wooden thing I keep my sword in) to hold a set of chopsticks she also made. She'd carved it out of wood and somehow made it turn blue with my proper name (Senju Ai) painted golden on one side of each – which she informed me was not poisonous in the least. I just had to make sure that food was properly wiped away when I was done eating.

Matsuri gave me a fan with the kanji for faith, love and hope on it. I have no idea how she got it, seeing that it was painted on under the lacquer. But she got a teary eyed hug for her thoughtfulness.

Choco gave me arm warmers (similar to Sasuke's, but with a blue and black design, like Nidaime-sama's armor).

Futaba gave me some handkerchiefs, which came in handy just then. I was especially touched that she had sown in the Senju clan symbol into the four corners of each of them.

And Hanabi... She got me a blank scroll for fuuinjutsu. Apparently you need special paper for it. She also gave me another scroll with basic sealing techniques – nothing as exiting as explosive tags, just basic sealing small to medium sized items. I'd just have to get my own ink, which I didn't mind in the least!

"I don't even know what to say." My makeup was already shot to hell, but one more teary eyed smile wouldn't hurt. No matter what this life would bring me, I would cherish these friendships.

* * *

After everything was put away – we had to make a quick trip to my house so that I could clean my face and reapply some makeup – we were out searching for the guys again. It was easiest to find Jei – not a lot of people with his complexion walking around in Konoha, so the second I saw him I started making my way in his direction.

The sun had already set – yes, I applied more makeup that I had on earlier that afternoon. Who knew that you wear makeup differently at night than in the afternoon?

"Jei!" I called out to him, tugging Hanabi and Matsuri along with me. He looked up, waving at me with a smile.

"Ai-chan! Come on over here! I wanted to introduce you properly!" He gave me the heads up. Clinging between his calves was a tiny kimono wearing mini clone, so I already figured out he was there with his family. He must have met up with them while I was being escorted away.

"AI!" I heard a little voice call. Then there was a pitter patter of her feet beating the street into submission as she dashed for me.

"Michiko-chan, you shouldn't run away from Tinky-nii-chan like that." That got a few questioning glances from those around me. I just smiled, picked her and kept asking the little girl about this and that as I made my way towards the frowning big brother.

"Michiko-chan, you know better than to tun off like that." Jei chastised. "Do you want to make your nii-chan cry?" She pouted, looking sorry.

"Do you promise not to run off like that again?" I asked her, tugging at her chin until her nose was pointing at me. She just looked at me funny. "Does Michiko-chan promise to behave?" She nodded.

I looked at Jei, to make sure he thought she understood. "Well, Ai-chan. You've already met Michiko-chan." He changed subjects. "This is my Ka-san, Kaminari Itsuko." I turned to the family face – minus the bedhair and facial creases.

"It is good to see you again, Kaminari-san." I bowed to her.

"Ka-san, this is Senju Ai. She lives-"

"Across the street. She told me." She smiled at me, bowing her head. "I've heard a lot about you, Ai-chan." She looked like she wanted to say so much more.

"Allow me to introduce my partners in crime." I smiled teasingly. "Hyuuga Hanabi, Nara Matsuri." I turned around looking for the missing minions. "And we seem to have lost a few of them."

"AI-CHAN!" Fuck. I turned towards the blaring voice that kind of drowned out the crowd. And there, on stage, waving at me like I was a fucking retard...

"Ka-saaaaaan..." She is too fucking enthusiastic for her age damn it! She wasn't giving in either. Before I had any hope of getting away, Hanabi grabbed one arm and Matsuri grabbed the other. "Traitors!" The just laughed louder.

Everyone was cheering, calling out my name, crying out best wishes and happy birthday and the like. The closer I was dragged to the stage – you didn't think I would agree to this shit did you – the louder their cries got. Everyone was clapping and whistling and cheering my name. I didn't fucking get it! Almost none of these people know me!

"Senju Ai," Ka-san motioned for Hanabi and Matsuri to stop, and for me to go up the stairs of the stage on my own. I had never felt so selfconscious before. "Come." Must not throw up. Must not throw up. Must not... great, now I need to fart!

Must not misuse bodily functions. Must not misuse bodily... does this shit really help? Great! Now I need to take a shit! I fucking hate my nerves...

I tried squeezing my buttcheeks as tightly as I could. I doubt the general populous would appreciate me humming the first few bars of Auld Lang Syne without using my vocal chords.

Fuck, Ka-san looks overjoyed right now. I hope she doesn't squeeze me, she might get more than she bargained for. Or more than I bargained for. Who's keeping score here?

Just as I get next to her, she motions for the crowd to settle down. She starts saying things about how happy and proud she is... and a whole lot of things. I was too nervous to hear much – or decipher it, I guess. The only thing going through my mind, was the desire to be alone so I could let one rip.

Everyone started singing something – and no, not helping so it was ignored. I just let myself blush (not hard when you think about all these people hearing your bowls' activities) and pretended I was as shy as can be.

Eventually the time came for one of the old goats to give me something – I didn't ask who it was and I certainly didn't recognize them.

"Sanju-sama, please accept this as a token of our loyalty to both the Senju clan, and the village hidden among the leaves." She offered a box in expensive looking wrap and bowed deeply when I took it. I prayed this was the end of it. In vain.

The second the walking dinosaur walked off the stage, someone even older came. He said something along the same line, and offered me an even more expensive looking gift wrap.

Then a third came. And a forth. And... fuck, this isn't helping and this fart isn't leaving me alone! The only thing that kept me going is not wanting to embarrass the hell outta myself.

Eventually came the two advisers, the self proclaimed High Council of Konoha. They're making a public spectacle of giving me gifts on my birthday? Wonderful. Okay... so this is more about them showing each other up, than me being anything. Okay. I can deal with that.

Okay, Ai, calm down. Breathe. This is just a bunch of people showboating their clan's loyalty to the Senju clan. Nothing more. Breathe. You can do this. Just smile, take the gift, hand it to Shizune, who is piling them up on a table over there. That's it. You've done more complex things than this in your sleep! It's okay.

Slowly, my heartbeat returned to normal. The air stopped feeling like it was on fire. I felt like I could actually breathe.

After some pink haired woman who was clearly as fake as press on nails left, faces I actually appreciated started showing up. Nara Shikaku, I bowed properly to him. Something that he took note of, I'd bet. For reasons I couldn't quite grasp, Matsuri was there with him. We hugged, and I thanked her for not letting me suffer through this alone. That got a laugh out of both of them.

Then came Yamanaka Inoichi, who chose to come with Ino. I hugged her as well, thanking her for everything she'd done for me – heedless of my resistance. That gave the rumor mill something to grind on. They gave me some of the most beautiful flowers I'd ever seen – pink roses. True, I dislike pink with a passion, but this was the one exception.

"Thank you, they're lovely."

Immediately after came Akimichi Chouza, with Choiji. I didn't hug either, but I bumped fists with Chouji. I asked him when we could meet for a brunch – polite shit like that. His dad made a joke, and we shared a laugh – can't even tell you what the joke was, I didn't hear it.

Then came... "Sarutobi-sama." I bowed to him, deeper than any other.

"Ai-chan." He bowed as well, smiling. The way you smile at your family when you see them. "A little birdie told me that you were practicing with the bo staff. So I had Murasame-kun make this just for you." He handed me an elongate package. It was wrapped in a red, rather simple cloth. I hugged it to my chest.

I had to blink away a tear. I don't know what it was about him, but he quickly stole a spot in my heart. After handing the package to Shizune – a bit gentler than the others – and I threw my arms around his middle. "Thank you."

"No, child. Thank you." He pushed me back gently and our eyes met. He might be known as the God of Shinobi, but he has such a gentle gaze. "You have given Konoha the greatest gift we could ask for." I nodded, and hugged him again.

Soon after came Hiashi, Hinata and Hanabi. I hugged both girls, and exchanged some pleasantries with him. Inuzuka Tsume came soon after, we shared a few brief jokes about the wrinklies that have been bugging me – she brought it up, I just laughed. Then came Aburame Shibi. He came alone, nodded, gave the present directly to Shizune and nodded once again to me. I smiled at him, trying not to giggle. We talked briefly about the lack of logic in people giving the gift to me, if Shizune was going to put it on the table regardless.

After that it was pretty much a blur. One long, boring ass blur. I recognized a few – Ji-chan for example came representing the Sengo clan – but not many.

Honestly, I was glad when I was allowed to go home.

* * *

The next morning, after breakfast. I had one last surprise waiting on me. Well, after noticing that Ka-san had given me some more Suiton scrolls and Nee-san had given me three jars of Fuuinjutsu inks – three different types of sealing inks?

Apparently, Ka-san had an announcement to make. "Last night was about more than just the clan's give you gifts." This was going to end badly, I just knew it. "It was the official announcement that you are the heir to the Senju clan."

"Meaning..." I knew there was some custom that was attached to this that was going to ruin my day.

"Well, mostly that guys are going to flock to you and try to court you." I fucking knew it. "I've gotten hundreds of requests for brunch, lunch and dinner dates with you." Karma, you son of a bitch! I swear, if I meet someone named 'Karma' I'm going to kill them. Heedless of age, race, alliance or creed. They're fucking dead.

"Had I known, I would have been less... enticing." I intoned. She shrugged it off.

"Not like that would even matter. Your name alone is a gold mine, your looks and attitude only sweeten the deal." That made me sick to my stomach. Well and truly ill.

"Oh, and while we're at it-" Shoot me. Don't even finish the statement, just shoot me. "I've arranged a few meet and greets for you this week with some of the more influential clansmen of Konoha." No, don't shoot me. Bury me alive! That would inclu- "Including Uchiha Sasuke, who will be expecting you after school."

"With sharp or blunt objects to kill him with." That was the first time I glared at Ka-san. Though I doubt it would be the last.

"It's just to sit down to a meal and talk to him. You are not expected to-"

"Show up?" This can't be happening. She can't seriously expect me to do anything but hate that prick!

"No, showing up is a given. I was going to say that you don't have to court him." Her tone was slowly souring. I sighed, making her upset was worse than sharing a meal with shithead.

I sighed again. "Fine. But I make no promises about being nice to him." I crossed my arms, refusing to budge on that point.

"Aaaaaii." I winced at the warning in her tone. "You will be a proper young lady throughout the entire meal, and you will be kind and respectful before and after your meeting with him as well."

"..." Who was this woman? What was this about?

"I'm not saying to marry him, or even to like him." Glad we got that out of the way. "But your behavior towards him reflects on you and our clan. As such-"

I relented, finally understanding her point. "I should act respectfully, lest I desire another to slight me in the same manner." Senju clan law number twenty-seven. I understood, but I didn't feel any less betrayed on the matter. I never hid my dislike for Sasuke. "Can I invite a friend at least? To help me be on my best behavior?"

"No. Inviting Sakura to divert his attention is not a good idea." Fuck! "And do not make me any more suspicious of your intentions, or try to come up with any plans or tricks. No friends transforming into you to take your place, and no excuses or acting like I won't hear about it every detail."

Today was going to suck. Majorly. Completely. Totally. Suck!

* * *

I was right too. Guys from school were hitting on me shamelessly all day. Older, younger, even some of the teachers! I was so glad I had chosen to wear my geta in stead of my usual sandals. The Academy nurse had more than her fair share of... patients... All accidents, I swear! (^-^)''

Other than that boy who was dumb enough to hit on me during the invasion. Him I kicked on purpose. And I was fucking grateful for the punishment! I had to stay inside with Iruka-sensei during lunch – good fucking riddance!

"Ai-chan, is there some reason you're hospitalizing every boy that talks to you?" Sensei asked after everyone left – no one was allowed to stay back with me.

"I'm a closet lesbian and prefer the interest of women." I intoned drily. That gave him pause. Good.

"Seriously this time." I cocked an eyebrow at him. Who said I wasn't serious? He crossed his arms, looking a bit more stern.

I sighed – all this nonverbal shit used to fly straight over my head. I liked it that way. "I preferred it when Ka-san had the image of the big bad protector of all things Ai." Happy now?

"So you decided to get the message across that you are off limits?" He's fishing in the dark, mostly.

"No, I want people to understand that I am not something to claim. I am not some goal, or a means to an end. I have a name, hopes for the future, likes and dislikes." I sound like some emancipated chick from college.

"And breaking enough toes will prove... what exactly?"

"That 'Hey lady, wanna have my baby?' is not the smartest way to start a conversation." I wondered what comeback he would have for that one. Though I wasn't too surprised when he just sighed and went back to correcting today's tests. "And you do realize that you are the only teacher that hasn't hit on me, right?"

* * *

By the time school had let out, I was fit to be tied. I had somehow perfected the smiley-glare that let people know at a glance I was in no mood for bullshit. And Uchiha Sasuke waiting on the gate for me didn't make that better.

"Uchiha." I nodded.

"Senju." He seemed at least partly surprised.

"Lead." He nodded, walking ahead of me. I didn't say another word, and he didn't seem to care.

#

On the way to our – correction, his – destination, it seemed like every shitfaced baboon was stopping to annoy either me or him. I was a bit put out when some of the girls hit on both of us though.

It wasn't until one of the council members asked me what I was doing later that I officially had enough – unofficially, I had enough when Ka-san made her announcement before I left for school. "Look shitstain, just because Ka-san won't have you arrested for talking to me in public, doesn't mean I won't take matters into my own fucking hands and castrate you!" I took out a kunai and started waving it at him for extra effect. "You're old enough to be my fucking grandfather, you pedophile!" I swear, no more wearing kimonos for no obvious reason. Unless it's a kimono only married women wear.

"Move it, Uchiha." I shove him into a walking rhythm. And imagine, this is me _without_ getting my period. Look out world!

#

We eventually made it to a cafe. It was small and out of the way – perfect, no fanboys lurking around. "Honestly, I have no idea how you manage to keep your sanity with those cockroaches crowding you that much." I announced the second we sat down, kind of out of the blue. For the first time since knowing him – both in this life and from watching the anime before – I saw laughter in his eyes. "I'm serious, one day and I'm ready to kill someone! How the fuck do you do it?"

"You block out half of it, and ignore the rest." He offered with a smirk. "You realize the council is behind this lunch, right?"

"I'm going to kill Ka-san for this..." I groaned. "No wonder she was so fixated on me being on my best behavior."

"Hnn." He cocked an eyebrow at that, puzzling out the pieces for himself. "That explains it."

"What, me not calling you a shithead?" He rolled his eyes. Funny, he never quite seemed this... human before. Must be the stress of the day getting to me. "Anyway, seeing as there are no fangirls here, I take it you come here often. Any recommendations?"

"Anything but the ramen." He intoned, not even looking at his menu – he already knew what he was ordering.

I scanned the names, looking for... they didn't serve any ramen. "Smart ass." I was going to order it just to spite him. Well, Italian restaurants tend to do that for you. Well, the veggie pizza will do – will have to remember how to get to this place just in case, I like pizza.

We waited for a waitress to come take our order – he was even kind enough to not order for me. I still hate him, but at least he's less of a prick than others I've faced.

She was already bowing like her job was in the balance. "Apologies, Senju-sama, but we ran out of pizza sauce. I could-"

"Not a problem. Just make it a tagliatelle with the four cheese sauce and toss in some veggies." I assured her it was alright with a smile. "And the tomato soup to start with." She wrote that down quickly, taking his order as well – not that I cared what he planned on eating.

Great. Now what? We're on a non-date that the council arranged, and we have the same hatred for fans. Hey, let's do lunch? Too late for that.

It was silent. We were silent. The entire fucking establishment was silent. An uncomfortable, weird, awkward silence that makes you want to throw a glass at a wall just to see how people will react. Weird, I've never been tempted to do that before.

By the way, there are six tables in the room. Two of which have the forks and knives the wrong way around. The table in the corner has a dirty water glass, and the windows need cleaning. Yup. Lovely lunch, we simply must do this again soon!

The food came. We ate. I had desert. He didn't. I preferred him being a prick!

Whatever, I was the perfect lady. Now let me go and announce to Ka-san that she's as good as dead.

* * *

I was on a rampage. I didn't even care who got in the way. The guy that usually stands guard by Ka-san's office nearly lost one of his nuts for trying to tell me not to go in. For nothing too – she wasn't in her office.

I grabbed him by his collar, dragging him up from the ground where he was trying to pass out. "WHERE. IS. SHE?" I glared at him like he was caught in the cross hairs of my rage, and really he was going to get hurt if he didn't answer me. A trembling hand was raised, one finger pointing off to one side.

I contained my emotion as best I could, but it was harder than it usually would be. I could feel wave after wave rippling off my person, and I didn't care. This transgression would not go unpunished. I didn't even care who it was this time. Something was going to suffer. Greatly.

Trying to fucking piggy me off with king emo! For what? So that Konoha could have a stronger clan? The Uchiha-Senju clan, with a fucking 'avenger' for its leader? FUCK THAT! Nobody fucks with me on that level!

I walked down another hallway, wondering why the foot taffic was so light. Then I saw two guards standing in front of an important looking door. "Is Ka-san in there?" I asked. One nodded, but neither looked ready to step aside. "Move." That was their only warning. They refused.

I cracked my knuckles, cocked back and punched the one that didn't nod in the gut, sending him through the door – he probably thought I was just a sissy kunoichi. Training with uncle Gai had its perks I guess. I glared at the other one, daring him to try something. Walking passed him I entered the room and my eyes locked on to Ka-san like I was a fucking homing missile.

"I could have accepted your desire for me to be a proper young lady." My voice was too calm, too sweet. "I would have easily agreed to following our clan's laws and did as I was told." Taking another few steps towards the desk she was sitting behind.

"Even if your desire was to bury the hatchet between the Senjus and the Uchihas, that too would have been something I could value to some extent." I made it to her desk, glaring across it into her blank gaze. "Hell, even if you told me what you did just to see if I loved you enough to follow through with it would have been better. But to force my hand. For. The. **Council**." With that last word said, I slammed both hands on her desk, trying to take my rage out an something, anything other than her. I hadn't realized I was strong enough to smash my hand through the wood of her desk.

"You would defy me over this? Would you, Ai?" Her voice was controlled, her face still blank.

"No. If this was your will, I would swallow my pride and do it. _But_ the _council_?" My voice crackled towards the end. That she would chose those retarded fucks over me... "If I truly am your heir, then who I associate with reflects **solely** on the Senju clan. As such that falls **solely** under Senju matters. Breaking your own rules, allowing some decrepit shits to come between us? FOR. **WHAT**?" With that I ripped my hands out of her desk, barely registering the pain.

"Is their respect worth-" I couldn't fight back the tears. Not from the splinters in my hands, or from the blood decorating her desk. "_breaking_ my _heart_?"

That was all she could take. Even the medic in her took the back seat as she scooped me up into her arms. "Everybody. Out!" She ordered. I didn't even know who she was talking to. I didn't care. I just felt... betrayed. My heart ached. A pain far greater than any physical burden that could or would ever be placed on me.

Within moments I could feel someone grabbing my hands, taking out what splinters they could. I just lay there, in Ka-san's embrace... crying. I just kept mumbling over and over, like I was in a drunk stupor.

"Shh, baby. It's okay... Ka-san will make it better. I promise." Another hand grabbed mine. "You take care of that hand."

#

"Passion. Pure, unbridled passion. Her youth burns brightly!" I heard a familiar voice.

A whistle came next. "To think an academy student did this." This voice was familiar too, but laconic and almost bored. "She takes off her Ka-san."

"Funny, Hatake. Shizune, mind the-" This voice echoed through the warm bosom I was encased in.

"I know, Tsunade-sama."

Questions. Statements. Answers. Inquiries. They all were tossed back and forth between those that had just entered – no one would be dumb enough to ignore a direct order from Ka-san, so they had to have not been there when she ordered everyone out.

Where was I? I dunno. Somewhere waiting on my Ka-san. Mentally at least.

I felt the skin of my hands closing – but there would likely be a nasty bruise there, if the tenderness was any indication. Still it mattered little. Somewhere in the deepest recesses of my mind, I could hear my birth mother's voice telling me how worthless I was. How I would never amount to anything. How I should be grateful that she hadn't aborted me. All that anger came back full force. All that loneliness.

That was the reason I flipped out the way I did. I had thought my heart finally found someone I could count on to help me, to heal me. But the person that pulled this stunt, that pushed me into a date with a boy I would quicker stab than kiss... that was a person I wanted nothing to do with.

"Ai, sweetie. Talk to me." The voice echoed through my consciousness, but it didn't feel like anyone was home. "Baby." Someone pushed me back, gently. Oh, that gentle touch almost reminded me of the woman I thought I had found.

"Hey." A hand swept across my face, trying to reach me somehow. I just... I just felt broken. Worse than I ever had before. Had my birth mother done this to me, it would have been par for the course. It wouldn't have bothered me, not in the least. It would have been weird if she _hadn't_ pull a stunt like this.

But Ka-san was different. She was supposed to be, anyway. The woman that somehow claimed my heart as her own... she wouldn't be capable of hurting me on that scale. Would she?

"Ai, you're scaring me baby. Look at me. Look at me!" Everything seemed blurry. Like the world was swimming in my tears. Suddenly my head was buried in a warm embrace again.

"Baby, I..." Something dripped onto my head. One drop, then another. "I promise, never again... never again."

* * *

I spent the rest of the afternoon and most of the evening alone in my room. I wasn't hungry, so dinner was skipped. I couldn't focus long enough to connect two dots, so that meant training and studying were out. That pretty much just left staring at the ceiling – or was that the wall?

Hanabi had passed by earlier. Said she wanted to see how I was doing. I was happy to see her, I really was. But it just didn't have the mental capacity to tell her so.

So I just lay there, hugging my knees to my chest. My mind kept making a link between the woman that raised me, and the Ka-san that had claimed me as her own. A link that my heart was in pieces over.

I didn't want to think about it. I sure as hell didn't want to suffer through that life again, but I didn't exactly have a choice the first time around. That was the exact thing that had me stuck in a rut. Not wanting to accept that my heart found another one of _those_.

One bore me for nine months, only to emotionally torture me for the seventeen years I was under her thumb. Another was married to me for a decade. How long would I suffer under this one? Would it be as bad as being married to the woman with daddy issues? I wondered about that for a while – is anything as bad as marrying miss daddy issues? Hmm...

"Ai... can I come in?" Ka-san asked. She got no response, but she came in anyway. I could feel my bed shift slightly, showing that she decided to sit down. There was a long silence, as if she was still deciding something – or maybe she just didn't come to terms with something. I dunno. Maybe she just hoped I would turn around and forget anything happened. I can imagine that happening.

"I am not here to talk my way out of what I did. It was wrong of me, and I'm so-" I tackle-hugged her, interrupting her apology. I didn't need those words anyway. I needed her. That was why this whole thing hurt so bad – I felt like I didn't really know who she was and was finally seeing the real her... and that scared me.

I wanted so bad for me to be wrong. And I am grateful I was. "I-" I sobbed, trying to choke out my words. "I thought..."

"Thought what, baby?" One of her arms wrapped around me, tugging me closer to her. Her free hand was petting my hair, trying to comfort me as best she could. What was I thinking? I don't even know. Old ghosts haunt new victims best... I guess.

I tried to find a way to tell her what troubled me. To explain how badly shook up I was when my mind once again made a link between her and... my past. It shook me to my core. I knew it. She needed to know it. Still... the words wouldn't come.

"You thought I was a ghost from your past making that same mistake. How many times must I tell you that I am not them?" That marked the first time in my life I had ever cried from relief. Ever.

"... kaaa-saaaan..." She understood.

* * *

The night of the mock gala finally arrived. I just had to put on the final touches of my makeup and get dressed and I was good to go. As a last ditched effort, I bugged Daichi to escort me. It's not a date, it's part of the test. It's not a date, it's just part of the test. It's not a fricking date!

Eye shadow, lipstick (both red) and a last once over of my hair. I grabbed my favorite comb – which was less useful for actually combing my hair, and more about being a sort of jewelry that decorated it. It had a faux lotus on it, which I sprayed with a little perfume before carefully placing it in my hair.

After that I started tugging on my three layers of clothing. I would have to start buying Yukata Kimonos soon – the weather was starting to warm up a bit, so it was slowly getting too warm for the warmer variants. And no, you don't ever, EVER only wear the outer layer of a kimono! That only works for Yukata or when you want to seduce someone. I am **NOT** **seducing** _anyone_!

…

Fuck.

…

Moving on! I traded my studs for a pair of studs with red tinted cut glass – yes, they're fakes, but they're cute... Mou...! FUCK! I'm turning so fucking girly...

Breathe. Calm... center... breathe... This is really annoying. I need to stop letting little things bug me like that. Anyway, Daichi should be here in less than five minutes, and I still need to put on two layers of my Houmongi Kimono. Who knew there were so many types of kimono? I mean, there is a different type for every occasion! Komon is everyday, it's simpler and just practical. Then there's Iomuji, which is more for tea ceremonies – these are single colored kimonos, so no pattern. Houmongi come next in line, as more formal wear for parties. Houmongi are characterized by the patterns that decorate it – think of a Furisode without the sweeping sleeves.

Then the pinnacle of kimono for unmarried women is the Furisode. These kimonos are the most expensive, most dressy and most elegant of the bunch. The only example I have is the kimono I'll be wearing for the gala. And just as a reference of frequency it's expected to wear each type, I have a three Houmongi, two Iomuji and several dozen Komon... Yeah, Ka-san went a bit overboard on our shopping trip. Not that the store attendants minded, they greet me like an old friend these days.

Then there's the one Mofuku kimono I hope to never have to wear. Completely black, no pattern... it's mourning wear. I keep that one at the back of my closet and pray that it stays there.

There are a few others as well, but none that I have – thankfully. Like the geisha styled kimonos, the married woman assortment, the stage performer assortment and the one that Ka-san and Nee-san would kill to see me in... the Uchikake. That's suppose to be worn only as a wedding gown – though sometimes it's used during performances as well. I didn't even try that one on!

"Ai-chan! Daichi's here!" Mou! No! No 'mou'. Mou is girly! I am... turning so fucking girly. Anyway, just the outer layer and my obi, and I'm good to go.

I took a moment longer than needed to study my kimono for the evening. The base color was peach (NOT PINK!), with branches of cherry blossoms on it. Once that was on and tied in place, I gabbed my obi – burgundy, with a scene of Hashirama and Tobirama sparring together on it and the Senju clan symbol on the back (no I do not and will not wear the obi that looks like I'm a present waiting for some little punk to unwrap!).

Once that was on, I checked my weapon pouches. The one on my arm felt a little loose, so I tightened the straps a little. The tanto I decided to start keeping in my right sleeve was also tightened just in case. And the hidden pouches under my obi were tucked in just a little deeper – I kept both under my obi, on my back. It looks like the bulge from tying it that way.

What? I'm still a kunoichi! Shinobi! I'm a shinobi! Fuck... better just go downstairs before that boy gets impatient.

* * *

Making my was downstairs, I was met with a gushing Shizune bragging about how cute her imouto-chan was. She literally waited in ambush by the stairs, just to make me blush the second I became visible!

I ignored her as best I could. Still, I'm sure I was blushing as red as my makeup – I knew I wouldn't need any blush with my natural aptitude for it...

"You look really pretty, Ai-chan!" Daichi said, himself blushing at his own words.

"Pretty? Is that the best you can do, Daichi-kun?" Fuck... don't tell me. "Ai-chan, you're gorgeous! You're beauty is sure to make even the heavens jealous and-"

"Shut up, Kouji!" They were wearing matching navy blue (guy's) kimonos. They planned on double teaming me? Wonderful. "So what's the meaning of you two showing up?"

"It's a two for one deal." Daichi's eyes showed more emotion than his voice and words were letting on. There's a story there. A sad one.

"Well anyway." I rolled my eyes, trying to act irritated. "Ka-san, I'll be back by nine?" This so called test is scheduled to end at eight, but I need to find out what's up with Daichi, so I need a little more time.

"Eight-thirty. Eight-thirty-one means I start sending ANBU to round up your kidnappers again." She reminded me of what she was capable of.

"Who's on duty tonight?" I asked her.

"I put Cat on duty tonight. Tomorrow you meet the servants." That gave me pause.

"Huh?" Servants? When did we get servants?

"I've decided it's time to start building up the Senju clan. And I started by hiring a few capable hands. Three maids to help around the house – cooking, cleaning and the like. And one manservant to keep a public close eye on you." She explained. Well, it would be something like Kou then. I guess.

"If that's what you wish, Ka-san. Can we talk about this when I get back though? I'm not entirely sure I understand the specifics of it." I said, one eyebrow raised. Translation: What the fuck?

"Sure, but the decision is final." She cocked an eyebrow right back at me. The meaning was clear: ask me anything other than to change my mind.

"Of course." I bowed my head, mostly out of embarrassment. She already figured out where I was going to go with it.

#

We left soon after that – I didn't need any more revelations to fuck with me. Why did she even... you know what, never mind. If I have to ask, I probably don't want to know. We made our way to the Hyuuga compound – I was going to pick up Hanabi like I always do. She came out with Kou just as we were approaching – like they always do. Honestly, I half expected her to be wearing her usual outfit as well. I mean, everything else was exactly as I expected it to be, so why not that too?

Nope, instead she was wearing a soft amber Furisode Kimono. Decorated all across her kimono were white eyed couples dancing? I at least knew not to wonder about their clan symbol – they had none. You recognize a Hyuuga by there eyes, nothing else.

We exchanged some pleasantries – her admitting that Kou was her escort, me wondering why I had two. And Kou laughing about a ménage à trois – which only I got. I was soo talking to Naruto-nii about pranking this guy!

"Hey, Nabi-chan... Ka-san is hiring servants." I complained.

"About time." She said, rolling her eyes. Kou seemed to agree.

"Huh?" Whats so big about having servants?

"Each clan needs numbers to grow strong." Yeah so? She seemed to understand that it still wasn't adding up to me. "So, if you do not have enough blood relatives, you can hire servants and bolster your numbers that way. Didn't you study the Konoha Clan Laws?"

"Senju clan laws?" I offered a lopsided grin.

She just rolled her eyes. "That's where the most genin that don't get assigned to jounin go to still get training so that Konoha's unofficial numbers are bolstered. But most clans are a bit picky about who they pick. The Hyuuga for example, only pick their own should they somehow fail. Which doesn't happen much." That... almost makes sense.

"So we're hiring a bunch of kids to serve us and train unofficially?" I asked.

"Yes and no." She replied. Great, more technicalities. "You can hire essentially any genin not currently assigned to a jounin. Most clans require absolute fealty to their clan, so it's like being unofficially adopted into the clan." That sounds... kinda weird, but logical at the same time.

"So it's helping each clan individually, and Konoha on a whole. But only non clan members usually get picked? Other than in the Hyuuga clan, who only picks Hyuugas as a back up?" Did I get that right?

"About the Hyuugas, yes. About others? I suppose you're right. It wouldn't make much sense for clan members to join other clans in that fashion." She agreed – well that makes sense. I really need to study those general laws! That shit is useful!

That made me more than a little curious who to expect... I didn't know a lot of genin, let alone a lot of non clan genin.

Well, either way, I needed to focus on this... test...

* * *

We arrived at the school – which was where this so called test would take place. It was more of a bother than anything in my opinion, but a necessary evil non the less.

The first thing I noticed was that Jei and Konohamaru were already there. The second thing I noticed, was that they were there alone. I thought this was a kunoichi test? Well, more of a 'Ka-san preparing me for things much more annoying' test.

"Hey guys, what gives?" I asked. They both shrugged, but followed us in none the less.

Once we made it to the indoor gym I noticed that not only our class, but those in their graduating year were there as well – I knew them by that annoying prick I would love to _reintroduce_ to my geta soles. This was more like a school formal, than a gala or a test. There wasn't much of a dancefloor, but there were three elongated tables – the low ones that needed no chairs – all placed on a series of tatami mats for comfort as we sat.

"Thank you all for arriving on time!" Suzume-sensei announced. She, Iruka-sensei and a portly(ish?) man I didn't recognize were the chaperones, from the looks of it.

"We have organized the seating in much the same way you would expect it at a real gala. Meaning that those of higher status and their entourage will have better seating, than those with less." Iruka-sensei explained. That sucks! But sadly, is not entirely unexpected.

"That's correct. As such, Senju Ai and entourage, please sit at the head table." That's why those two came to pick me up! Well, I'm actually grateful now.

We followed instruction (sitting not at the edge of the table, but the center of it with only the wall behind us), Kouji sitting to my right, Daichi to my left. No annoying boot lickers to fend off! "Sarutobi Konohamaru and entourage, please sit across from the Senjus." Konohamaru and his sidekicks took their seats. Oddly leaving Moegi directly in front of me. Not that I minded, it was just... off.

"Hyuuga Hanabi and entourage, please take your seats by the Sarutobis." Hanabi took her seat next to Moegi. YES! This way I get to talk to her all night long! That sounds both horny and corny... Things were looking up though!

"Kaminari Jei and entourage, please take your seat to the Senjus' left." Holy defecation! Hey, that's actually a good way to say holy shit in front of nobles! I gotta write that one down...

"Shimura Shin and entourage, please take your seat to the Senjus' right." That annoying shittard came over. Poor Kouji, sitting so close to him, but... lucky me that I ain't! Shimura, Shimura... I know that name from somewhere.

"Nara Matsuri and entourage, please take your seat to the Sarutobis' left."

After that I kinda started blocking it out. It was useful to remember who stood where in the village, but it was never my cup of tea. The only thing I noticed was that Yamanaka Futaba sat nearest Matsuri, and that Sengo Yun sat at a different table than us. And that Choco – not being from a clan – was allowed no entourage at all, and sat at the least prestigious table. That's why Kouji and Daichi clung to me, I was their ticket up in the world – well, if you wanted to look at it from a cold and calculating perspective.

After everyone was seated, food was served – in the same order we were seated. I also noticed that the more important you were, the better the meal choice and privileges. I was allowed to complain that I hadn't gotten the vegetarian meal – which was immediately arranged – but Choco had to argue with the senseis about her being allergic to mint before she got anything changed. And even then it was only after she insisted they check her medical records – which only Iruka-sensei seemed willing to do. My heart went out to her.

I was already to the point of offering her my meal and going without. Though I doubt protocol would allow for it. Still, it made things crystal clear why those not from a clan would subject themselves to servitude just to get a leg up. Though it was still disheartening.

After the meal – it's considered rude to talk while others are eating – we chatted amongst ourselves. Mostly me saying I felt bad for Choco – and asking Futaba why didn't have her as her entourage.

It turned out that Choco came from something of a proud merchant family, so her parents refused to let her kiss up to the clans. I can understand the stand point, and I value their trying to instill that in their daughter's heart... but Choco was separated from her friends for it. I was so preoccupied with her troubles, that I didn't see my own coming.

"So, beautiful. Where have you been all my life?" Shin was it? That prick doesn't take a hint.

"Successfully avoiding you." I intoned. The got a few laughs from those who heard me.

"I guess that means this is my lucky day then. The heavens must have arranged that we meet." Wow, really?

"In the same way bad people get sent to that bad place?" I notice Hanabi was biting her lip not to laugh this time, but no one else bothered – they just laughed.

"How dare you speak that way to me! Don't you know who my father is?" That got the senseis collective attention. I could tell – confusion settled over each of their features.

"No, who is your father?" I asked, all innocent.

"Shimura Danzou! He's the most **important** man in _Konoha_!" He's upset? With me? I'm touched.

"Oh, that **is** a very big deal." I agreed, earning a few giggles from Hanabi and Moegi. Konohamaru, however, looked like he was going to blow a fuse. "So Danzou is more important that Sarutobi Hiruzen? Or Hyuuga Hiashi?" Funny how this little prick was seated fourth, but thinks he's first. Funny.

"I... uhh..." Not so sure now are you? He looked down and away, embarrassed.

"Danzou is a man who has earned his reputation, earned his place in this world. You, however, are not your father." I turned to him, offering him a disapproving gaze. "I shall not claim to be able to speak for you, so I shall speak for myself. I am the daughter of Senju Tsunade, the Godaime Hokage. My lineage includes the Shodai and Nidaime Hokages. Those are very big sandals to fill. But I do not dare place myself above anyone in this room, or even anyone in this village." I looked around at my friends. Not just the ones that sat closest to me, but all of them.

"Let me ask you something Shimura. If each person is but a card used to build up the house called Konoha. What should happen if one of the lowest cards is removed?" They all fall, duh! His eyes went wide with shock, clearly never having thought of it like that. "Would being the card at the very top of that house matter, if every other card falls with you?"

"Stop talking nonsense!" He's angry now, but only because he has nothing better to say. "This village will not fall no matter which card falls!" I agree, but that was not my point.

"Very true. So tell me, if it doesn't matter which cards falls... why is who your father is, was or will be... important at all?" He's working his jaws, trying to come up with something intelligent to say – or just something. "Or better yet. What makes your life so important, if your father preaches 'How a shinobi dies, defines the value of his life.'? Would that not mean that your life has no value at all? Would that not place you right along side every other person in this room?" He started turning red. He's going to get up, shout out some bullshit and storm off. Might as well add some fuel to the flames.

"Or better yet. If Danzou being your father makes you so important, wouldn't being the daughter of the reigning Hokage make me more important than you? And if I am, in fact, _more important_ than you... who are you to even dare speak to me?" He has that look. That look that tells me he's going to do something stupid – something he's going to regret.

My hand went into my sleeve, which I made to look like I was just folding my hands – a habit I picked up from Ka-san – and lightly grabbed the pommel of my tanto.

"Shin, that's enough!" The portly instructor warned. You think that would make me let go of my tanto? I think not.

Shin stood up, his face still red from rage. "I won't forget this, Senju." I should hope not.

"Tell me, Shimura." I too stood up, turning to face Shin – Kouji and Daichi immediately standing with me. My posture was calm, my voice cool. "Should I consider that a threat?" Konohamaru, Udon and Moegi stood as well, along with Hanabi and Kou, Matsuri and even shy little Futaba. Yun was already dashing over from where she was sitting, even Choco was on her way. Jei wanted a piece of the action too, somehow appearing between Shin and myself.

The three senseis were on the case, trying to stop this before things got out of hand. The instructor I didn't know grabbed Shin and the one guy that made up his entourage, already dragging them outside to cool off. Iruka was standing guard, making sure we didn't do anything stupid, and Suzume-sensei was telling us all to sit down – asking the waitresses to start bring out the desert.

I motioned for everyone to stand down – why, I'll never know – and they listened? That one had me scratching my head for a second. When did I become the leader here?

Anyway, Yun and Choco were already turning to go back to their seats... but I had other ideas. "Yun, Choco..." They turned to me, as did Iruka-sensei. "Would you care to join us? We happen to have two empty seats." I motioned to the vacant seats left by Shimura and his friend. They looked at each other, unasked questions going back and forth between them. "It would mean a lot to me." When that didn't work, I added: "Please?"

The smile on their faces was worth more than anything. They sat down. "Everyone." I waited a moment to make sure I had their undivided attention. "Thank you, for your support." I bowed, my forehead kissing the table in front of me. Words would never be able to express how much their actions – and they themselves – meant to me, but this was as good a place as any to start.

* * *

When I got home – Kouji and Daichi insisted on walking me to my door and seeing me in – I was a bit of a mess. My makeup was in tatters, my eyes puffy from crying. Daichi had explained en route that his parents were both killed during a recent boarder patrol skirmish. I... didn't take it well.

So when Ka-san came to welcome me home, the first thing she saw was me hugging Daichi like there was no tomorrow, telling him that I would be there for him if he ever needed me.

Once they were on their way, and I had closed the door... things got awkward. "So, you and Daichi...?"

"Kaaaa-saaaan!" I whined. "Kouji and Daichi are friends. They're my entourage! Besides, boys have cooties!" I wanted to add 'damn it', but somehow it didn't seem important.

"Aren't you a little old to believe in cooties?" There was mischief in her eyes. Was she hanging around Naruto-nii too much?

"Kaaa-saaaan!" I whined again. "I'm going to change." I dashed around her, up the stairs into my bedroom. I grabbed my favorite pair of pyjamas and went for a quick bath – no soak, just cleaning myself up.

#

Once back in the sitting room – living room, family room, whatever you want to call it – Ka-san dropped the bomb. "Daikoku, Suzume and Iruka already gave me their reports on what happened." I wanted to add that Cat would have beat them to the punch... but that was pointless.

"Are you upset with me?" I didn't hang my head. There was no way I was going to act as if I was ashamed of my actions.

"Quite the opposite. I am proud of how you handled yourself, and even more so that you have such loyal friends." We sat down on the couch together and she tugged me into a hug.

"Can I ask you something, Ka-san?" She noised that I could (you know that 'nn' sound?). "Is Shin really Danzou's son? I mean, Danzou is Sandaime-sama's age, isn't he?"

"As much as you are my daughter, I suppose." She said with a smile. I couldn't help but smile with her.

We never did get around to talking about this whole 'servants' thing.

* * *

"School is sooo booooooriiiing!" Konohamaru drawled. We just finished yet another test, this one on the history of the kama. Interesting, but not terribly so.

"Aw, come on, Konohamaru-kun. It's not that bad. Besides, we have gym after this!" Moegi tried to encourage him. I kept my opinion to myself.

The Kono-Corps kept going back and forward about the use of certain lectures, and other such bullshit. I just kept to my group. Still, I kept something of an eye on them.

"Ai, if you keep focusing on them, you will lose." Matsuri said. We were trying to play a quick game of shogi during lunch – we usually do, and since we have the mini board with magnets, we can take our time and complete a game.

"Hey, I need to have some kind of excuse in case you beat me." I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Not losing might be better." She took my rook with her queen (sorry, I don't know the Japanese names, but I know how they move).

"Nah. Some losses are inevitable. It's how you pick yourself up afterward the defines us." I took her queen with my bishop.

"Too true." She left my bishop alone, moving her knight forward instead. "Checkmate." My jaw dropped.

"Hao di...dyu..." I backtracked our moves in my head. "You set me up!" I crossed my arms and humphed.

"You think?" She was all smiles. I am so getting her back for that! "Ka-san wanted me to confirm your lunch with Shika-nii-san's team tomorrow."

I rolled my eyes. "Too troublesome for Shikamaru to do that himself?" We shared a laugh. "I'll be there." I still had a lunch with Team Kurenai to deal with later today... and a dinner with Team Kakashi... that would be troublesome.

As a trade off for having date like lunches with everyone and their mother... I bugged Ka-san to arrange team lunches to meet the more important people in Konoha. It was much more... effective (less icky in other words).

"Is your mom sure she can handle cooking for Chouji and his dad on her own?" Yeah, two generations of the Ino-Shika-Chou were going to be at that lunch at Matsuri's home. Then again, it's cheaper than paying for a restaurant. Unless it's all you can eat. They would definitely get their money's worth there. But seeing an Akimichi might get us all denied. Oh well, not my problem.

"This isn't the first time she's cooked for them. Troublesome as it is." I wasn't even gonna go there. We cleaned up the board, putting all the pieces in their respective places and went to see what everyone had gotten up to while we were busy.

* * *

Gym was... interesting. Mostly because we played 'war'. There were three teams – Konohamaru's, Hanabi's and my team. We were giving wooden kunai and shuriken, and it was basically a 'have at' situation. For them.

Matsuri was on my team, so you know we had the best strategies going on! Needless to say we won, but we had fun. I will admit though, Konohamaru still gave us a run for our money! Hanabi's team kinda sucked though – she was too busy fighting with Samo, who she got stuck with.

Well, either way, after school it was time to start mentally preparing myself – lunch with Kiba was not going to be fun. "Nabi-chaaaan! I'll see you tomorrow okay?" I waved at her and Kou as they were leaving – they had an appointment somewhere in Konoha they had to get to. As always. The Konohamaru Corps were leaving too, mostly to avoid his teacher – what was his name again? Mister dark shades and dumb attitude...

Whatever, I have my own prob-

"Ah, Senju-sama. Did you have a good day?" An elderly man asked me. His voice was kind and gentle. I turned to see... a vaguely familiar face. Where did I know that face from?

Let's see, dark gray hair, kept in a short ponytail. Mesh armor shirt, with a brown sleeveless kimono shirt. Gray pants. Shinobi sandals, blue... but that is pretty standard. Soup pot, complete with serving spoon and oversized chopsticks... and a tanto strapped to his side. Okay, the soup pot is not ordinary. He's also wearing a smile – one that looks like it hasn't left his face in recent memory. Both his eyes had crows feet, showing his age. He had to be well into his sixties, at least! And that elongated face. I know this man... but from where?

"I believe so. It has been interesting if nothing else. Who might you be?" I asked, smiling politely.

"Maruboshi Kosuke, but please call me Kosuke-san." The smile never left his face. The name didn't ring a bell, but it didn't matter. "Hokage-sama was kind enough to hire me as a servant, saying that my one and only duty was to protect you with my life. I may not look like much, but I vow to keep you safe." He bowed formally.

"I see. Very well, Kosuke-san. I place my life in your hands, please take care of me." I bowed in turn – it sounds corny as hell, but that is the proper way to say I trust him to fulfill his duty. "And please, call me Ai-chan. Senju-sama is my mother. I have done nothing as yet to earn such honor."

"As you wish, Ai-sama." Some people just can't let go of formalities. Still, close enough. "Please, come. If I remember correctly, we have an appointment with Team Kurenai." He motioned with one of his hands.

We walked side by side in an amicable silence. Him watching every shadow, me wondering where I knew him from. I felt around, wondering who was on duty this time – I figured it was Boar, since Cat was on duty last night, and Tiger was out on a mission. Only, I didn't sense any familiar chakra signatures.

"So, Kosuke-san, can you tell me a little about yourself? You seem very familiar, but I just cannot remember why as yet." I asked, mostly just to sate my curiosity.

"Well, I've been a genin for over fifty years, so I've served under all five Hokages. I-" I was so shocked I couldn't hear the rest of it. The Eternal Genin?

"Konoha's strongest genin?" He stopped, turned back to me and nodded, still smiling. "I... I am honored beyond words." I bowed low to him. It suddenly made sense why Ka-san wouldn't have any ANBU on duty with him here. I was as safe as I was going to be.

"Please, Ai-sama. You honor me too much." He rubbed the back of his head, a bit embarrassed.

"I doubt I could. Will you tell me some stories? I would love to hear about your adventures. Especially if you know any stories about Shodai-sama and Nidaime-sama!" I tried not to squeal when he nodded again.

"I also have some stories with your Ka-san, if you like. I was there the day she donned the accolade of Sannin." I did squeal that time. It was decided then and there that I was going to like having him around.

* * *

We were just sitting down to our table, in a nice restaurant. Things were going so well – mostly because Kiba was quiet. But nothing lasts-

"So, Ai-chan's back for more lovin' on the Kiba express I see." Gag me.

"Kiba, have your nuts gotten over the last round of kick the pup?" I wondered, tapping my finger against my chin. Hinata and I both giggled at the look on his face. Although Kurenai seemed less than impressed.

"Ai-chan, that is not very nice." She said, crossing her arms.

"Hitting on a girl that is clearly uninterested isn't nice either." I pointed out. I was more than satisfied with the giggle I got out of Hinata. "Hear that, Kiba-chan? That's a girl your age agreeing with what I'm saying."

"Don't. Call. Me. That." He muttered darkly.

"Call you what, Kiba-chan?" I asked innocently. Akamaru started making soft noises. If I didn't know any better, I might think he was laughing.

"Ai-chan, th-that isn't v-very nice. P-please behave." Hinata gave me her sternest look – which still came over as too cute for words.

"Gomen, nee-chan." I pouted, but listened.

That made Kurenai a bit curious. "Hinata-chan... what did-" She looked at me. No, more like she... well, not stared. Staring is rude no matter who does it. It was longer than a glance, shorter than a stare. Not as intense as a glare. Well, whatever.

"Kurenai-san, if you want to ask me something then using words usually works best." I pouted at her, wondering why she chose to do the shinobi thing of just making up her own mind. Well, it kinda makes sense... when I put it that way. She thinks I'll just not answer anyway, so she just observes and records it until she has enough information to make up her own mind.

"So Ai-chan, how long have you known Hinata?" Her gaze was still fixed on me.

"You think it's because I've known her longer?" I giggled. "Kurenai-san, you underestimate your student." That got her curious. But she didn't seem to want to come out and ask the motivation. Well, she who does not risk, is not rewarded.

"Then what is your reason for listening to her and not me?" She asked. Wow, talk about misjudging the situation. I've got to work on that.

"An excellent question, Kurenai-san." I swirled my tea around a bit in my cup. I looked at each of them in turn, even Kosuke-san. I could explain that the level of respect I have for each person is earned, and only those I respect enough will be listened to. I could even go into details of my lack of respect for her, seeing as she fully agrees with me and yet demands that I subject myself to Kiba's shameless (and pointless) flirting.

"Too bad I'm not in the mood to give a lecture." I shrugged.

"Ai-chan." Hinata nudged me with her elbow.

"Fine. You don't have to twist my arm, Hinata-chan." I huffed. Well, I was going to be nice about this. "Fact is Kurenai-san, that although you agree that a girl should not have to tolerate Kiba's egotistical bullshit, you corrected me and not him. Heedless of what you will attempt to lecture him later about – and I assume you will give him an earful regarding respecting a female's desire or lack thereof to tolerate his attitude." I leveled a glare at her, letting her know exactly how I felt about that. "Still, you point out only my behavioral flaws and leave him go unchecked. This is not only illogical, but counterproductive. You are in fact stimulating his shameless bravado that will in fact one day cost him his reproductive organs."

Everyone's eyebrows had disappeared into their hairline. Other than Hinata, who shrugged it off and giggled. She's used to me, I guess. "Ooh! They have a banana split! Kosuke-san, can I have a banana split... pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez?" I offered my cutest little pout. Being a cutesy little ten year old has its advantages.

"Hehehehehehe." That's a bit of a dry laugh. Oh well. "You remind me of my wife sometimes." Kosuke said, then waved a waitress over and ordered just what I wanted.

"Kosuke-san, don't you want to order yourself something to drink? You seem a bit thirsty." He just laughed some more, ordering pot of tea as well. Kiba looked exited about that – already grabbing his cup and downing his tea.

It took a few minutes, but the waitress brought back the pot and the ordered desert. And what a desert it was! One of the largest bananas I had ever seen was bisected down the middle, with three healthy scoops of vanilla ice cream, topped off with whipped cream and two caramel-chocolate straws. "Hinata-chan, did you want to split my desert with me? I doubt I can eat it all by myself." I offered, laughing as Kosuke slapped Kiba's hand from the teapot.

"Young man, did you ask Ai-sama for the tea?" He was still smiling. Shino – probably driven by either curiosity or thirst – raised his cup, looking at me expectantly. Kosuke turned to me, I nodded. Et voila! Shino got tea.

"Fine!" Kiba groaned. "Ai-chan, can I have some tea?"

"'May I', not 'Can I'." I corrected, smirking at him.

His teeth clenched. "May. I. Have. Some. Tea?"

"Of course you may, Kiba-chan. Would you like me to pour it for you?"

I had to bite back my laughter at the vein popping out of his forehead. "Would. You. Ai-kun?" I grabbed the pot and poured the tea, not spilling a drop.

"There you go..." I smiled again. He looked at me a little suspiciously, obviously wondering where the catch was. Ask and thou shalt receive: "Kiba-chan."

* * *

After leaving the restaurant – and Kurenai agreeing that I was in fact right about Kiba – I waved them off. I had my own agenda to adhere to, so I couldn't go training with them – tempting though it was.

"So, Ai-sama. I believe you wanted to visit the library before your next appointment." He reminded me. I was a bit lost. Was it me, or was Shino blushing when he left? Kami-sama, let it be me. That really was the type of bullshit I didn't need in my life.

Shaking it off as best I could, I nodded and we were on our way. We passed the through the Commercial District into the Shinobi District, where the Sinobi Library was located. There wouldn't be a lot I had access to, but there was a very specific reason why I liked coming here: Naruto.

"Ai-chan, enjoy your lunch with dog breathe?" Naruto-nii greeted quietly.

"Don't even start." I rolled my eyes, especially at the amused look in his eyes. "I'm guessing you already know Kosuke-san?"

They both nodded at each other. I was right. "It's been a while, Kosuke."

"It's only been a week, Naruto-kun." I rolled my eyes at that one.

"He gets 'kun', but I'm stuck with 'sama'? How is that fair?" The smile never left Kosuke's face, but I saw something flicker across his features. A look of guilt. "Anyway, Naruto-nii did you read through the scroll I gave you last time?"

"OF-" I motioned for him to pipe down. "Of course. And I've been using no more than twenty shadow clones a time and for no longer than an hour each. I've even been bugging Hokage-jiji just like you said. He looked like he wanted to cry when I asked him." Excellent! Sandaime-sama would want nothing more than to help Naruto train, and Naruto loves training. So why not help them out?

"That's my nii-san." I smiled warmly at him.

"He did tell me to drag you along next time. And don't forget that we have training with Gai-sensei tomorrow." He reminded me.

"Yes, we do. So, as for today. I have something of a present for you." I gave him a scroll – my first successfully created seals, containing the scroll on Fuuinjutsu I got for my birthday (still weird, but hey), two blank fuuin scrolls, a jar of ink for beginners and a brush he'll need. Yes, they were all separated sealed and marked accordingly. I felt proud of myself for being able to do it! "Read through this one tonight. As for right now though, I wanted to cover Tactics. I brought a map and a history book, along with these notes I made. We are going to recreate the battle of Kikyou Pass and analyze what we would have done differently. Questions?"

"Kikyou Pass?" He looked at me funny.

"Towards the end of the Third Great Shinobi War, Namekaze Minato lead a small group of shinobi into battle against the much larger army of Iwagakure. Konoha lost seventy-two good men and women in battle, but every last shinobi was wiped out from Iwa's vanguard. It was the beginning of the end of Iwa taking part in the war. And why they hate Yondaime-sama so passionately."

The look on his face told me he was hooked. So I rolled out the map and started placing shogi pieces, explaining what represented what. I was going to have to thank Nee-san for this – I knew next to nothing about any of this. One thing I was good at though... was retelling a story as if it were mine. Gotta love what living in a small town can teach you.

**End Chapter 7**

* * *

**A/N: Alright, this concludes yet another adventure I've put poor Ai through. In the two upcoming chapters we will have some more action between Ai and the Konoha Eleven (no Sasuke will never become Ai's favorite person), then we have a time skip so that we can start making things more interesting. Team pairings will announced in chapter 10, but they are not yet written in stone. Yes, only three teams will be passing, so I want to know who you guys think should be paired up with who. Keep in mind though that only the Konohamaru Corps will be a guaranteed genin team. Everything else is up for grabs - which is why I introduced the concept of servants in this chapter (need to keep some loopholes to have some fun with).**

**So, anyone who wants to have their say, PM me or leave a review which three (two technically) genin teams should be formed. The official result (or just the ideas that I like best, or become most popular) will be announced in Chapter 10.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**

**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**

**After this is one last chapter to solidify Ai-chan's fate. I hope I don't lay it on too thick... Read and Review!**

* * *

"My life is way too fucking busy!" I complained. The girl in the mirror fully agreed with me too! I had just barely gotten home from the library. Now I have just enough time to get something solid to eat, and back out again for another 'meeting with a meal'. Dunno why, it's not like I don't know each member of Team Kakashi by now!

"Senju-sama, are you alright?" Another new voice called out from the other side of my door. Seriously, this shit is weird! Alright, having Kosuke-san around would be cool – and he loves telling stories as much or more as I love hearing them. But after meeting Fuki at the front door...

Something about that carrot-top just rubbed me the wrong way. Her face seemed to be built to frown or snarl and she was a warm as a snowstorm. She's Naruto-nii's age though, maybe I can ask Team Kakashi if one of them know her?

"I'm fine, just complaining." I replied.

"Do you need help with anything?" The voice asked again. Already tired of talking to an inanimate object, I opened my door.

"No, just getting ready for another meeting." I explained. The person I saw... I could almost swear it was a man in his early twenties. Thank Kami-sama I was decent. "Is there something you needed?"

He was already bowing, girl style? "Apologies, Sen-"

"Ai-chan." I corrected. I really need to get that recorded or something – it was getting real old, real fast. I gave him a once over. Short brown hair, kinda messy. Forehead protector. Soft brown eyes, an effeminate looking face – too pretty to be a boy, but Haku was a guy too... so you never know. White shawl looking thing. Olive kimono top, with a white, broad collar and three quarter sleeves? And brown three quarter pants? No way in hell this is a guy.

But then, Sai did dress funny too. Best stay neutral to avoid confusion. Then I noticed the slight bulge around the chest area. Female.

"Apologies, Ai-sama." She bowed. Something about her just oozed calm.

"Come on in." I motioned for her to sit on the bed, as I slid the door closed. I leaned up against the door, looking around. My bed was to my right, the headboard flat against the wall. Just beyond that was my closet, the two doors of it were closed at the moment. To my left was my desk and bookshelf, both containing things that I wouldn't really trust most people to peruse. And over in the left corner was my vanity, complete with enough pretties to make most girls jealous – part of the reason Fuki was already banned from my room, I just didn't trust her.

"Might I ask your name?" I inquired.

She blushed, probably kicking herself in the teeth for not introducing herself. "Ishibashi Inaho."

"Inaho-san, please understand something." She was eying me curiously. "I am not the stuck up snob you have every right to expect me to be. So please, drop the 'sama'. I meant it when I said to call me Ai-chan." She seemed both nervous and unsure. Really, I wanted to just bash my head into a wall at that point. Was it so difficult to call me Ai-chan?

She mumbled another apology, stuttered out something with it. Then she nearly tripped over her own two feet, as she stumbled out of my room. I just sighed – obviously I sucked as having servants around.

Well, either way, I have another meeting. A pointless one, but one that Ka-san wants me to attend.

* * *

"I'm telling you, Ai-chan! I was there!" Naruto-nii had to be lying. Why would he AND Sasuke be in the Council's Chanmbers when I burst in? More importantly, why don't I remember bursting into the Council's Chamber? All I remember was finding Ka-san behind her desk. Which wasn't in her office at the time... but that doesn't mean that...

"Actually, Ai-chan... I showed up after the Council left. It looked like a warzone." Kakashi added his two cents. And who asked him?

"I had an embarrassing public argument with my mother. Was it supposed to look pretty?" I leveled a glare at him.

"No, Ai-chan. I mean the door and one unconscious chuunin that was supposed to help guard the meeting was the tip of the iceberg. A dozen people in the hall were passed out. Seven urinated on themselves and two chuunin were in tears. And that's just what I saw. Gai went the route you took and... well, he's quite pleased that you mostly hit inanimate objects." He spoke so matter of factly that it was hard to not take his word for it.

"Kakashi-san, I'm an Academy student. Who's going to believe that I was able to do that much damage? Let alone without hitting someone!" I groaned. This was supposed to be a meeting of some sort! Not a chance to pick on me...

"Ai-chan, he's serious! I nearly crapped myself from the look in your eyes! And the air in the room..." He shivered. "I'll take Zabuza any day of the week over you like that!" I just cocked an eyebrow at him. I could hear Sakura-san whispering if I was really that bad. Naruto nodded fervently.

"Nii-san, you can't be serious. Momochi Zabuza? You're comparing me to him?" I didn't know if I should feel patronized, or just pissed. "Uchiha, you were there. What do you think?"

"PMS?" Well, he's back to his usual charming self. And just as useless.

"Ai, you're having lunch with Inoichi, Chouza and Shikaku tomorrow. Why not ask them what they thought about it?" Kakashi offered. I just rolled my eyes.

"Anyway, Nii-san. How did you like my gift?" I asked, hoping to change the subject. They were just over reacting, they had to be! Hitting someone is one thing, but making a fucking chuunin pass out? From a glare? Yeah right!

"Meh." He said, trying to act nonchalant. I just rolled my eyes. He was a terrible actor – the childlike joy in his eyes wasn't going anywhere

"Fine, I was going to give you the next in the series, but since your not interested...?" I shrugged, acting like I didn't care.

He was already in tears. "Ai-chan is so mean...!" I smirked, causing him to laugh at himself.

"What are you two going on about?" Sakura was curious.

Before Nii-san could reveal anything important, I told her: "I got him hooked on Ninja Ramen Rangers." There wasn't a vertical body on the table, other than myself. "And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you never ask a shinobi private questions."

"Ai-chaaaaaaaaan!" Naruto-nii complained.

"Fine, next time I'll just tell them I have you training in a pink tutu designed to look a French maid's uniform. Nutcracker?" I offered Sakura an almond, laughing on the inside when she looked disgsted – and not at the nut.

"Ai-chaaaaaaaaan!" Naruto complained again, but Sasuke looked like he was going to be sick.

"That you're secretly in love with uncle Gai's wardrobe?" Kakashi's turning green, and not from envy. "And you envy the manhugs Lee-kun gets from his sensei? Don't you want a manhug, Kakashi-san? I can see it now: You training with your favorite male students, getting all sweaty. You call it a day just as the sun is setting. But instead of a pat on the back, all three of you hug passionately, with waves crashing in the background! Can you see it Kaka- Kakashi! OI! Where are you going? That way's the bathroom!" I enjoyed that more than I should... Still, do you see why you shouldn't pick on me? I'm scary. (^-^)

There was a retching sound in echoing from behind the door he disappeared behind. "Clean up on aisle seven!"

* * *

I hate karma. I really do. Passionately. Thoroughly. Hate. "So you see, Gai-sensei, Ai is actually really jealous that you and Lee hog all the hard work to yourselves. She didn't want to say anything though, seeing how grateful she is that you are willing to train her." Naruto... you traitor!

"YOSH!" Uncle Gai's a bit too enthused about that. (*_*) He was all fired up!

"Gai-sensei, let us help Ai-san bank her flames of youth!" Lee's not much better. (*.*)

"What they said!" Na. Ru. Toooooooo! (^~^) He's trying not to laugh his ass off. And sucking at it!

And me? (TT-TT) Well, let's just say that I won't be messing with Naruto-nii for a while. This was going to suck.

#

'Come on Ai... one foot in front the other. You can do it.' Well I didn't pass out. That was an improvement... right? 'Can I spell fucktastic? F-U-Q... fuck.' Why has my wish come true when I least want it too?

'Step. Step. Door... ' I tried to slide the door open. I really did. 'Is this thing made of stone?' I didn't have the energy to speak. Standing was challenging enough. Turning to Kosuke-san, I begged with my eyes – though it might have come over as a bit of a glare. Not sure.

"A good day, Ai-sama?" He asked, that ever-present smile trying to rub me the wrong way. He should know what my day was like – he was there after all.

My only reply was a dull glare. He laughed again, sliding the door open and letting me walk into the house.

"Ai-sama, welcome home." Inaho greeted, a polite smile on her face. I grunted. "You look tired, should I run a bath for you?" I grunted. "Would you like some dinner first?" I snorted. Grunt, yes. Snort, no. "Do you need assistance?" I snorted. She slung my arm over her shoulder, tugging me in the direction of the dining room.

Shit. She mixed up the signals. Gotta work on that. I grunted, looking in the direction of the bathroom. "Bath first?"

I tried nodding, but I'm not entirely sure what came out. All I know is that my head lolled to one side. Don't remember much after that – either I was too tired to remember anything else... or I passed out. Take your pick.

* * *

The sun was glaring through my window. That asshole. Opening my eyes took too much energy, so fuck it. I'll just lay here and-

"Good morning, sleepy head!" Ka-san... fuck. And I still have school today. And training with Nee-san... and training with Tenten... and-

I grunted. Not sure if it was directed at Ka-san, or just my schedule for the day.

"Wow, you're in a good mood this morning." She's smiling at me? Really? Was this that funny? I just grunted again – why break the mold? "Come on, young lady. Breakfast is waiting."

Fine. I groaned. I kicked off my sheet, turned to move my legs of the side, got up. Everything felt stiff. What's worse... there was a tingling down South that wasn't usually there. A warm tingling.

Still, I had to stretch. So I twisted this way, turn that, arched my back and... "Mmmmm!" Pops, cracks and one major release of tension followed. It hurt for a fraction of a second, but that was quickly replaced with a good feeling. Too good a feeling. And that warmth seems to be spreading like a wildfire.

"That good?" I blushed, not sure how to respond. There was... just something about that feeling. One part pain, one part wet dream I couldn't remember the details of... and ninety-eight parts sheer embarrassment of having Ka-san witness whatever the fuck that was!

I dragged my feet down the hall, trying my hardest to ignore the look on her face.

#

After scrubbing down, I just sat in the tub. Sat... and thought. There was something going on. Something big. Something I should be familiar with, but... this is something totally alien too. I didn't dare check my panties – not if they were wet, not if there was any residue... nothing. I just washed them out, praying no one ever noticed anything.

Those wet dreams were becoming more and more common. And what's worse... they disturbed me less and less each time. The only thing I can honestly say I remember about this one, was that Hanabi was in it. Well, her and Konohamaru – though more her than him. Last time it was Kouji and Daichi double teaming me – I couldn't look at a sandwich without blushing for a week!

And this time... I wake up from one with Ka-san three inches away from me, trying to shake me awake! Then I stretch, trying to act like nothing was up... and... shoot me! Just shoot me!

"Sweetie, mind if I join you?" Ka-san asked, already walking into the bathroom wearing only her brightest smile. Not a whole lot of choice there, sunshine.

I shrugged, trying to offer her an I'm-happy-to-see-you smile instead of an oh-fuck-you're-here look. She scrubbed down, rinsed off – nothing spectacular about any of it. Then she climbed into the tub right next to me. She normally showered up before I even woke up, so I knew some shit was up. This was going to end up being one of those REALLY uncomfortable little chit-chats with the potential to scar me for life. I blushed the second she opened her mouth, even though it was just to sigh contently.

"Wet dreams are nothing to be ashamed of." When she drops the bomb, she really knows how to make a mess of the scene she's dropping it on. My cheeks were on fire from blushing so hot!

"Kaaaa-saaaan!" I whined.

"Medically speaking, wet dreams are common for both men and women. It can start as young as nine years old." She's not saying I had one, or that I have them at all. She's just saying what it is, getting it out there. Naming this monster that goes bump in the night. "It is neither a sign of sexual maturity, nor an overactive libido. Not everyone has them, and they don't not occur with any consistency to tag reasons to it. Most commonly they simply include scenes or faces the dreamer recognizes, or even innocent gestures or hugs. Things that are pleasant, or even unpleasant can be used by the subconscious to formulate the contents of this type of dream." She was using her lecture voice, like this was just a subject I needed to understand. That... actually helped.

"What about... multiples...?" I barely even whispered the last words. I prayed she understood what I meant.

"Multiple scenes, partners, positions, situations, styles. It's all perfectly normal. All it does, like any other type of dream, is confront you with something you were too busy to deal with while you were awake. It doesn't mean anything other than what you want it to mean. It's personal, and as such has a personal meaning attached to it. Even the sexual orientation of the dream bares little weight in reality. It is more common than most would ever admit for heterosexuals to have bi- or even homosexual dreams. And conversely, many homosexuals have heterosexual dreams as well. If it bares no weight, most discard it, forgetting they dreamed it at all. The body sees sex as pleasant, only our preferences and preconceived notions make one means or the other unpleasant." I nodded to show I understood. Still, I had to blink a few times to assimilate all of it – though I knew most of it, I didn't have the extensive training she had into the mind and its inner workings. Let alone her biological and physiological knowledge. No matter what I believed, she would always be ten steps ahead of me in that regard.

"Furthermore, fluid excretion from the genitalia after such a dream is not only common, but expectable. That is something more of a sign of sexual maturity than the dream in and of itself. Although it might seem embarrassing, it is normal. Think of it as the body's way of enticing your mind into wanting it. So long as you understand the risks involved, that too is perfectly healthy. I assume you've covered reproduction in your medical training, so I will trust that you understand the mechanics well enough for me to not cover that just yet." She smiled at me. A smile that told me that everything was going to be alright. That she was going to be there to catch me any and every time I fall. She ran her fingernail across my brow, corralling a loose strand of hair and hooking it behind my ear. "However, I reserve the right to embarrass the hell out of you on a later date." She winked at me.

I blushed, but smiled anyway. Somehow, things didn't seem quite so awkward anymore. I hugged her, thanking her over and over again – not even caring that I was crying the whole time.

* * *

"Matsuri-chaaaaaan! Hurry up, or I'll leave you behind!" I complained. Jeez, you'd think that I would be the one that was slow with my sore muscles! If I didn't need her to show me where she lived, I would have left her ass in my dust ten minutes ago.

"Tr-"

"If you have time to mutter your family's credo, you have time to get your ass in gear!" Where the hell is my whip when I need it?

#

We made it to our destination – eventually. Somehow I wish we hadn't. Nara Yoshino was the first to welcome us – telling her daughter (Matsuri apparently) that she needed a few extra hands in the kitchen to cook. I knew Matsuri was related to them – and yes, her calling Shikamaru 'Shika-nii' should have tipped me of – but... Whatever.

Things went South from there. Fast. "So, Ai-chan, what do you think about Shikamaru?" Antarctic, kind of South.

"So, chicken, tofu burgers and fish, huh?" I had already washed my hands and was trying to put all the chopped dead bird on a mini pikes so it could be breaded.

"Don't change the subject, Ai-chan. I see how you look at him." Matsuri is treading on thin ice right now.

"Disgusted?"

"Drooling!" Came the accusation!

"I don't drool over guys." I just kept working the bird, not even paying attention.

"Ai-chan, admit it, you like him!" So that's the angle, huh?

"Oh, yeah. I love him. Wanna marry him. Give him a gazillion babies." I spoke in such a dry monotone that they'd have to be blind, deaf AND dumb to believe that.

"Told you, Ka-san. Nothing there." Matsuri changed her tune quickly. Fishing much?

The Nara matriarch sighed, defeated. "Fine. I'll just have to keep looking for another girl that has a hope in hell of motivating that boy." She was still watching me from the corner of her eye – she's plotting something, and I don't like it.

"Good luck with that." I shrugged, knowing that wasn't going to be easy.

"So what's your deal? Anyone steal your heart?" Matsuri is still pressing her luck. She figures that I didn't blow her off yet, so might as well go for broke.

"Yeah... Ka-san." I need to wash my hands again before touching the tofu. Last thing I need is dead bird juice all over my rabbit food.

* * *

The smell of food being cooked over an open barbecue in someone's backyard. That is something you never forget, and never want to forget. Shikaku was standing up by the grill, complaining to his buddies that his wife 'made him do it'. I just rolled my eyes, keeping my opinion to myself. Chouza and Inoichi just kept handing him beers – though I can't decide if it was out of respect, sympathy or just to shut him up for a few seconds. It might just be a combination of all three. Shikamaru was over to one side of the yard, cloud gazing (shocking, I know) with Chouji sitting nearby, not really up to anything. Ino was chatting away with Futaba – who was also there? Why didn't I see her before? and why didn't she just walk with us? Whatever.

Yoshino huddled the wives – dunno the other two's names though – chatting away about who's husband was the sweetest, or the laziest (guess who won that bout). Apparently Chouza was in the habit of bringing home flowers, while Inoichi brought home candies and sweets – which would make sense, seeing that their wives would just be comparing notes if they switched gifts. Never bring a girl flowers if she works in or owns a flower shop. The first question will be how you got it – she'd know if you got it from her shop. Then there's quality comparison, rarity of flower, meaning of flower, cost relative to your income to show how much they're worth to you.

Just don't do it. Same for a chef – never try to surprise her with food. They just go into working mode and check all the things you can't compete with. Best to switch it up and get something that is not work related, but still sweet enough to show you were thinking about them. It'll save heartache, headache and a lot of 'We need to talk's. Oh, and don't avoid it altogether either. That shows you don't care, which is more of a headache that doing it wrong in the first place.

But why try to explain away how the world works in my head, when I know there's no one listening to me anyway? "So, Nara-san. I hear there was quite the scene in the Council Chambers the other day." Especially when interrogating the friend of an interrogator, right in front of said interrogator, is much more fun.

"..." The three friends all just stared at me, which almost made me want to laugh. Kakashi must have been telling the truth.

"It wasn't that bad." (^-^)''

"Inoichi, you think she blocked it out?" Shikaku was actually interested in knowing that time. Miraculously sounding intrigued instead of just bored.

"Possible. Doubtful, but possible." Came the blond's reply.

"Hey, I just want to know what happened, okay?" I got three disbelieving gazes in reply. "Honestly! All I remember is talking to Ka-san. I don't even remember anyone else being in the room – well, other than uncle Gai talking something about youth."

Chouza's response was bursting into peels of laughter. "Scary by default. Watch out world!" He continued laughing at his own words. And I know I heard someone mutter troublesome – which I pointedly ignored for obvious reason. "Look, Ai-chan. Every shinobi in that room felt a killing intent strong enough to make most civilians pass out from the time you entered the tower. I for one was shocked when I found out the source of it was you."

"..." My eyes were probably the size of dinner plates at that point. What the f-

"And on top of that, when Tsunade kicked us out, we saw nothing but paper pushers strewn about the hallways. Many of them were already trying to reorganize their stacks, but some of them were just staring at the Council Chamber's doors in disbelief." Inoichi was nodding at Chouza's words, while Shikaku decided to just go back to being bored.

"Riiiiiight..." I drawled. 'Sure. Okay. Whatever you say.' "So when are we eating?" None of them gave up either. They kept taking turns to point out things – Chouza pointing out the physical damage, like the two chuunin I 'beat up'. Sorry, the first guy was too busy hitting on me to notice the knee coming at him, so that doesn't count. The second one figured I wasn't going to do shit, so he let his guard down. Both cases circumstantial.

Then Inoichi continuously pointed out the mental states of those who were simply near me while I stormed through the halls. Something about an acute form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Sure, that happens _all_ the time. Dunno why I didn't think of it earlier. I mean, a ten year old girl has to power to traumatize grown men at the drop of a hat. Sure. Whatever.

And Shikaku... well he just said that it was all too troublesome to talk about. And how troublesome I was going to prove to be in the future. And something else about me that was troublesome that I didn't quite pick up on – I probably just started filtering out any sentence with the word 'troublesome' in it, like uncle Gai and 'youth'.

* * *

After Kosuke came and rescued me – it got a bit much after Matsuri and Futaba started asking the senior Ino-Shika-Chou team about the same incident I was talking to them about – I waved everyone goodbye and started making my way home. It was an Iryoujutsu day, but... there was something more I needed to do. I had a plan. One that was hatched after Inoichi described the looks on the faces of the civilian council.

The thing was, I needed to confirm laws and customs that I could only trust Shizune to describe accurately for me.

So I walked a little faster than I was accustomed to. I wanted to strike while the iron was hot, and that would mean either the same day, or latest the following day. That didn't give me a lot of breathing room, and this needed to be perfect. Shikaku not being able to think a way out of it perfect. I knew I could trust Kosuke with it as well, but I didn't know how sharp he was with these things.

Eventually we arrived in the Dojo – BKA, the basement. Nee-san was sitting down on her usual spot, meditating in her usual way. But something about her seemed so melancholy. Kosuke and I entered, sliding the door behind us closed – as per custom.

Slowly, I made my way to her, kneeling a meter and a half from her, then sat in seiza. This too was part of the custom of a student approaching sensei in formal training. I waited for her to speak.

"Ah, Ai-chan. Right on time for today's lesson." Nee-san greeted me. I noticed that she was a little... what's the word... absent?

"Nee-san, can we skip training today? I need to ask you something – it's important." If I didn't know any better, I would think that Kosuke was smiling just a little brighter than usual. Hard to tell though.

"Sure..." Her eyebrow kissed her hairline, and her voice seemed both surprised and curious. Well, at least that pensive air about her is gone.

"There is something I want done, but I need to check the laws and customs to make sure that no one can hope to deny my wishes." I began. I had her and Kosuke's undivided attention, their curiosity almost gaining a physical presence. Good.

* * *

"Tenten, Yun, right on time!" I welcomed the two girls at the front door. They didn't even have to knock before I slid the door open – I had been waiting for them. It took Shizune, Kosuke and I the better part of three hours to hammer out the details, and pick the perfect time to strike, but now that I knew everything was set I was psyched!

"Ai-chan!" They were shocked, not quite sure how to react. "You're practically glowing! What gives?"

I smiled a little wider at them. "You'll know when the time is right. Now come on, I wanted to get that kata down just right." We walked to the dojo together, me leading the way and them pestering me to spill the beans. They weren't getting a peep out of me. (^-^)

"Alright, Ai, Yun. We're going to work the second half of the Itou-ryuu beginner's kata number six. This is the last kata of this set, so we'll be going over all six once you two have this one down, okay?" Tenten's tone was still as pleasant as it ever was, but it carried an undertone of authority as well. She waited for both of us to nod before continuing. "Yun, name the three schools of Kenjutsu." She does that a lot, just shooting questions out of the blue.

"Itou-ryuu, Nitou-ryuu, and Kenpou." One Blade School, Two Blade School and the school that contains all jutsus for kenjutsu: Kenpou. That was weird for me at first, seeing as they use the term 'school' to describe something other than a place of learning. It's more like a collection of skills.

"Very good." She nodded. We both go into the third stance of Itou-ryuu. Each school was divided into classes – beginner, advanced, adept and master. Each class was divided into principles (or stances) – attack, defend and counter. Each principle had two katas – offense and defense. It made no sense at first, being able to attack defensively... but it will, eventually.

Anyway, the defensive kata of the counter principle is riddled with batou-jutsu (techniques that launch to sword out of the scabbard). So you start with clicking the safety on. Yes, all swords designed by and for the Sengo clansmen has something of a safety on it – the Habiki, which is a metal collar made to keep the sword from falling out, is altered to include a mechanism that literally locks the sword in the scabbard. This allows for a much greater build up of resistance, so that when you release the safety it almost shoots out of the sheath like a canon. You need to be careful, of course, seeing the the scabbard isn't any stronger than any other. So it's actually much more likely to rip through the sheath and slice off a few fingers on the draw if you don't do it perfectly.

Which was why these katas were created. They forced you to do it over and over and over and over again until you knew how to work with the weapon so perfectly that you believed it part of your own body.

Anyway, I pointed my left foot towards my imaginary opponent, letting my right foot square it (a perfect ninety degree angle turn from my left one). Knees were bent, placing the force on my muscles and not my bones. Hips were kept perfectly horizontal to keep my balanced. Right arm bent at the elbow, right hand kept at my side, holding the scabbard just below the Sageo (the cord that is used to tie the sheath to your obi). Left arm crossed in front of me, left hand on the Tsuka (pommel). Both hands gripping firmly. My eyes were focused in front of me, but the first move is to attack the 'target' behind me.

Each move had its own lessons, its own morals. This move taught focus and preparation for anything. It also expected you to be prepared to attack with either hand (sword and sheath were both weapons in this school).

"Hajime!" That meant: 'Begin!'.

* * *

'If you live by the principles of Mind-Technique-Body, you will know long life and-' Reading Tobirama's scrolls was always something of an adventure. He really was a paranoid bastard, and I love him for it. Hell, most of his teachings is to always keep your wits about you, even in the safest of places.

Sometimes I think that he trusted no one and everyone at the same time. More like he trusted everyone equally – not at all. He must have had a fit when Hashirama gave Takigakure the Seven Tails after the failed assassination attempt – though poor Kakuzu took the fall anyway.

Point being: train your mind, master your techniques **and** fortify your body. He saw things as simple as that. And from the stories Kosuke's been telling me about him, he really was that perfectionistic about everything. He was always prepared for the worst – a very understandable standpoint.

'Know that each mission bares the potential to end your life. Even if your mission is to walk a dog in the most secure location in the world, know that there is a reason why it was given to you as a mission. As such you must prepare for the worst case scenario, and pray to the heavens for the best.' Yup, I love that paranoid bastard.

"Ai-chan, it's time for little girls to go to sleep." Ka-san announced, entering without knocking. I had actually gotten used to her being that way, although I would probably be a bit upset if the others were like that. Well, other than Nee-san, seeing as I was used to her being like that too. I really wasn't used to having servants around.

"Alright, Ka-san." I rolled up the scroll I was reading, tied it off properly and placed it in my drawer. Then I activated the seal Ka-san put on that one drawer for me – these were Senju clan scrolls after all. "You have a meeting tomorrow don't you?" She blanched.

"Don't start." She really hated those meetings. Then her face became... well, not pensive – that has such a negative association. Not quite thoughtful either, she wasn't thinking about something happy. Somewhere between the two. "Some of the jounin you've had meetings with have requested your company for a three week training mission."

Three weeks away from Ka-san? I can understand her hesitation, if nothing else. "How do you feel about that?"

"It's a wonderful opportunity for you. Not many Academy students ever get that kind of request." She's dancing around my question – obviously wanting me to make up my own mind before her opinion taints it.

"You're opinion isn't going to sway my decision. I just want to know if it's a good or bad idea in relation to the possible effect on school." I explained, trying to hide a smirk. That was of course a psyche trick I picked up, it pretty much takes away all the pressure from the other person – lets them know/think that their words have less impact than they think, making it easier to just be honest.

It didn't fail. "Well, anything you could possibly cover in school would likely be covered in greater detail during the trip. As well, should you agree I would have to negotiate how much homework Iruka would be giving you anyway. I see no problems where that is concerned." She said. Her eyes were still a bit blank. She was telling the truth, but not the whole story.

"So your hesitation is more about missing me." I smirked, not bothering to hide the joy in my eyes. It's nice to know that someone would miss you if you were gone for a while. "What are my options then?"

She just rolled her eyes, obviously not taking the bait. "Gai and Kakashi were the first to make the request... which sparked a frenzy. So you could basically choose any team."

"I see, so your the instigator of this plot and would gladly make any arrangement I want?" Something's going to get a reaction out of her.

"Stop fishing for more than I'm telling you." She smirked. Damn, she already caught on to my MO.

"Kaaaa-saaaaan! What's the fun in not finding out more?" I whined, pouting at her. "Are you thinking about making me take an early graduation exam?"

She rolled her eyes. "I need an answer by the day after tomorrow." She kissed my on my forehead, mussed my hair a little and told me she loved me one last time.

"Night, Ka-san."

* * *

School was boring before. Even with all the tests, the lectures that were way too reminiscent of Discovery Channel, and having gym classes once or twice a day... Maybe it was the prospect of getting out into the world for a while. Or maybe it was Ka-san's hidden agenda that kept my mind everywhere it wasn't supposed to be...

Who knew. "Hey, Konohamaru! You jackass! Stop giving me gray hairs!" Iruka-sensei flipped his wig – the third time today. He was usually such a patient man.

"Sensei needs to calm down. He'll give himself an ulcer." Hanabi complained, still giggling about Konohamaru's eraser on the noggin prank. I didn't think it was that funny, mostly because I was miles away.

#

"I know that look. You're thinking." Matsuri and Hanabi cornered me at lunch. Daichi and Kouji were there too, but they didn't seem to notice my mood.

"Just stuff." I shrugged, not really in the mood to explain it.

"**Powder room!" **Both girls announced, grabbing me by my arms and literally dragging me along. I turned and tried to apologize to the guys, but they were too busy laughing their asses off to hear anything I tried to say.

The second we got into the ladies room, Hanabi activated her doujutsu to make sure we were alone. "Spill it." It's nice to see you too, Nabi-chan.

Not much of a choice, I supposed. So I explained the whole thing, what Ka-san told me, what I suspected, the deadline. Everything.

The more I explained the quieter the two got. And that is kind of unnerving. "Okay, so what am I missing?" They both looked away, obviously trying to hide something. "Hello! You wanted answers, now deal with the questions that come with them!"

They were silent.

"Too troublesome for my tastes." Matsuri tried to walk away, but I grabbed her hand. I didn't say anything, just glared at her. The most annoyed and disappointed glare I could muster. Which would have worked on anyone other than these two.

"Don't bullshit me. You both know what's going on, and I hate secrets." Which seemed to be the only thing everyone in this fucking village had in common. Secrets. Lots of them.

It's human nature to have a certain level of fear for the unknown. What you don't know can't hurt you? Tell that to the people who got cancer in an organ they've never heard of. Tell that to people who were just diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, but had never heard of it. Tell it to someone who just found out their baby will be born handicapped because of something they didn't know they knew nothing about.

"Yes, Ai. We know." Hanabi said evenly.

"And...?" They both just stood there – Matsuri trying to look bored and Hanabi rubbing the bridge of her nose. They weren't going to tell me. I just had this feeling in my bones they weren't allowed to. I sighed, not even bothering to continue the questioning. I decided that it was best to just relieve myself and go back out into the big bad world of secrets, lies and sabotage.

"Wonderful." I complained.

* * *

Time passed. S-L-O-W-W-W-L-L-Y... It felt like that damn clock above the door was gunning for me! That fucker was ticking slower than... well, slower than anything! It felt like that damn thing was toying with me. 'Didn't I already think that?'

I groaned, seeing the long hand click once. Just another five minutes and I can go and start asking Ka-san a thousand and one questions about what the fuck was going on!

Five minutes isn't so bad. I mean, lunch was two and a half hours ago. But then, why did it feel like I could feel my nails growing? That couldn't be normal! What the FU... Breathe... Breathe...

"Ai-chan!" Iruka-sensei called my name, sounding like he had been calling me for a while. I let my eyes wander to him – sadly I couldn't watch him and the clock at the same time. "I know you want to talk to your Ka-san, but unfortunately, there is an extra gym class planned in today." FUCK! KARMAAAAA! (TT-TT)

"Senseeeeei!" I whined.

"And you are going to be helping me whip everyone in shape." Well, that got everyone's attention – including my own.

"Mou!" Just what I needed, something to place distance between me and the others. Everyone seemed to stare at me, some longer than others.

"Don't worry, Hanabi and Konohamaru are going to help too." Okay that made no sense! We usually end up training the others anyway, don't we?

"Sensei?" He looked expectantly at me, obviously wondering what I was going to ask. "Don't we usually do that anyway?" Matsuri got a good chuckle out of that one, but everyone else was kinda just looking around uncomfortably.

#

"Alright people, let's get with the warm ups. Flying Tiger pushups, three hundred. Hop to!" I announced. As usual, Jei, Daichi and Kouji were with me. The others knew that I train too much for their liking, so they avoided me like a had some contagious disease.

I didn't pay anyone that was not in my group any mind – they weren't my problem. So I just focused on what I was getting used to from with uncle Gai, and what they were used to with me.

The four of us were doing handstands, already counting off for ourselves. This was the only time I ever really got a chance to just be 'one of the guys' anymore. The one time when my current gender didn't matter. So I did what any gender-disoriented preteen would do: I did what made me fit in as often as I could. No one tried to stop me, or degraded me for being of the 'fairer sex' – something that was pretty common in every other setting.

It was like the only thing people really expected of me was to shop, ogle boys, and think about getting married. Oh, and cook and clean. Even women were discriminating about that! I'm a girl, so my life has no worth other than shop, cook, clean, get fucked on a regular basis, have kids and die? Wow. When did I sign up for that bullshit?

Even as a kunoichi everyone expected me to fall in love and get married so I can settle down and still follow that traditional and very cliché path. Ka-san got just that much more respect from me for not coloring in the lines – whether she did so intentionally or not.

I might want that one d... I sighed. This was the exact reason I hated thinking. Thinking made me think about stupid shit I shouldn't be thinking about.

"Alright! Everyone done?" I announced that I was. They gave me the count off they had, Jei was already done and the other two were twenty short. I waited quietly for them to finish up. "Alright, T-flips, twenty laps!" T-flips stood for Team Flips, a unique exercise that uncle Gai taught me. Basically you grab a partners hands and flip 'em, then they flip you. Usually each flip moved you just under half a meter if you did it right, so it was very labor intensive and you keep going like that for the set distance. It was great for teamwork, upper body strength, and balance (strangely enough).

And twenty laps meant twenty in each direction! I grabbed Jei's hands and flipped him.

Anyway, back to my mental rants! What was wrong with me? Why do I keep slipping up and forgetting... I was... a...

Fuck. I'm not a guy. Not anymore. The expectation to work till the day I died was no longer there. In its place came a new expectation. One equally stupid, constricting and should have died out the day we moved out of caves... and yet somehow miraculously current and – according to the populous – correct.

What value did that have? Sticking people in a straight jacket from the day their born simply because of their gender? What kind of bullshit was that? When I suggested to be a stay at home dad, I was immediately met with ridicule. I was called lazy, a bum, incapable. Why? Because I was willing to bite that bullet so my wife could finish her schooling? She wouldn't be able to handle school, work and dealing with the house, so I offered to work less and take 'the house' off her hands. Everyone got pissed with me for it! Even her!

And now... now the shoe is on the other foot. Now I will be 'her'. The wife. The mother. The nest defender. That's my job now... but what did it even mean? What would that really mean for me? Would be expected of me? Would I really fall in love with a guy? Would I really be tempted to have his babies? It didn't seem logical, but then... it kinda did too.

"Alright! Now for the Sub-Sparring! One hundred and fifty rounds!" I announced. Sub-Sparring stood for Substitution Sparring. It was actually uncle Gai's most insane and by far the most brilliant training method ever! It's a three or more person training. Basically person A hits person B. Person B substitutes with person C. Person C then substitutes with either person D to continue the trend, or person A to complete the circle to start the next round. It's almost impossibly tedious if you still need to do handseals, so it forces you to practice it until you can do it without a single handseal. Which none of us can do yet, but we were getting better.

"ITEEE!" Kouji complained. Yeah, he messed up the timing and got hit instead of substituting. Which meant he gets five seconds to set it up again, then I get to hit him again!

"Five, four-" I counted down, cocking back my fist for the next hit. He would either get good, or get hit – and I sure as hell wasn't holding back! No time to think! Kouji was going to hit Jei, and Jei was the one trying to hit me! That boy packed a punch!

I loved uncle Gai's insane training methods!

* * *

"Time to throw away all logic." I tried to pep myself up, but maybe another approach would have been more appropriate? Maybe, maybe not, but it was the truth. And the truth will set you free! Or get you arrested and beheaded – can't rule that out entirely.

I walked up to the two guards in front of the Council Chambers. I noticed that the guy I hit last time was eying me a bit closer than was strictly polite, but he wasn't being a pervert about it so his nuts were safe. For now.

"I need an audience with my mother. And no, this cannot wait." I informed them. They looked at each other. I simply walked passed them into the chambers, letting them argue about it amongst themselves.

"I say we take care of it now, before it becomes a real problem!" A pink haired woman announced. I had a sinking feeling she was some family to Sakura, simply from the hair and the red kimono shirt with a single white circle where the clan symbol would typically be.

"Okaa-sama! There you are!" I acting like I didn't know what the problem was – although it was obviously about Naruto-nii. It wasn't that hard to figure out. "We need to talk about Naruto." I spoke soft enough to make it sound like this was a private conversation, but loud enough for them to hear if they tried.

"Ai, not now. We will discuss this when I get home." She said. I had planned for that in advance though.

"I understand, Okaa-sama, and I dare not undermine your authority, but what I have to say would need approval of the Council anyway." I could feel everyone's curiosity spike – sure the shinobi council hid it better, but it was still there. I love being able to read auras! It's useful.

"Oh?"

"You see, the thing is that I have been recently informed that it was Naruto that found me." I began, pointedly ignoring the scattered insinuations that he probably put me in that coma in the first place (it's a shinobi village, everyone makes a point of knowing everything). "And I have yet to properly thank him for his kind deed." I kept my voice as sweet as I could, but it was a bit strained. Thankfully Ka-san would understand why.

"And what does the Council have to do with this?" She asked, an eyebrow cocked.

"Well, I wish to offer him the one thing that I value above all else. Seeing that he is the reason I survived the ordeal, I find it to be the least I could do." I explained, waiting for someone to misunderstand my intentions.

"You wish to marry that demon?" The same pink haired woman was the victim. Oh well.

"Demon? Surely there must be some laws against calling Naruto that." I turned to face her. She didn't back down though.

"You don't know what that thing is!" She claimed. Yes, I do.

"Oh? And what is he then?" I could see the Ino-Shkia-Chou trio chuckling at that, they knew I wouldn't be here without some sort of plan. All they looked like they needed was some popcorn to enjoy the show.

The woman sputtered half finished sentences for a while. "What Haruno-sama is trying to say is-" Another began.

"I don't believe that anyone here has any right to tell me how I must view another human being. Only Okaa-sama has claim to any sway over me at all." I warned, glaring at everyone at once. Then I noticed that Chouza actually was sharing out some popcorn with his friends. I had to bite my lip to not laugh at that.

"To ensure that my words are clear, I will elaborate. When I said that the 'approval' of the council was needed... I meant it must be observed by the council. This is actually Senju matters and as such no one has any actual say in this." It was kinda like how they say 'speak now or forever hold your peace' at a wedding. You weren't **actually** supposed to speak! It was more of a nice way to say 'shut up and leave them alone'.

Asuma – representing the Sarutobi clan, seeing that Hiruzen was no longer the reigning Hokage they had their seat back – started munching on the popcorn too. I noticed that most of the shinobi present were enjoying this a little too much. Oh well.

"What I wish is for Naruto to be given proper shelter under the umbrella of the Senju clan." I announced. That sent the entire room into a fucking frenzy! The demon of the leaf, taken in by the Senjus? Ha! Ignorant asses.

Ka-san silenced the room – not an easy task. "What is your motivation behind this?" She asked. She damn well knew it, and I could see the pleased look she was stifling.

"What example would I set, if I should allow the one that saved my life and has guarded me ever since to go unrewarded? I have already been far too lax in this as is, so to make up for that I believe it only fair to gift him with the thing I value most: a **home**." Having said that I looked around at everyone (well, the shinobi at least). "When I first arrived, Ka-san put a roof over my head, and food on the table for me. She trained me, educated me, guarded me... loved me. These are the things I value above all else. And as such, I desire to gift these things to Uzumaki Naruto for his great deed."

Traditionally, this was supposed to be discussed in front of the Senju Council. But seeing as there were two Senjus, tradition stated that this had to be done in front of the Konoha Council instead. They had no say, seeing they were not Senjus, but they could hear it if nothing else. Nee-san rocks!

Besides, this saved time in spreading the news around Konoha. Ninjas gossip more than high school girls with a juicy story. (I heard it from Suzie, who heard it from Nancy, who heard it from Kim who overheard it from Julie and Sharon who...)

"What say you, Ka-san? Will you help me thank the one that returned your daughter to you?" I turned to her, begging with my eyes.

"He cannot bare the Senju name. You know that." She kept her emotions hidden – she had a part to play. No one would want this more than her!

"I understand. That is not my request. I wish for him to be welcomed into our home, not adopted into our clan." I originally wanted to say 'considered family like Shizune-nee-san', but that made Nee-san blush and stutter how bad an idea that was. Curious. "I have no desire to treat him as a servant though." Best to dodge that bullet before it becomes a problem.

Oh great Konoha historians, take note! Naruto was to move into our home that very day. And there was nothing the council could do about it! (^-^)

* * *

Kosuke, Naruto and I decided to pack Nii-san's necessities together – Ka-san still had a thousand and one things to do and Nee-san had to make sure she did them. Luckily the guys were doing all the heavy work – I was still wearing a kimono, I was starting to get addicted to wearing them.

Looking around his cramp little apartment though... I was glad I did this more than ever. His kitchen had the absolute basics – one pair of chopsticks, one glass, one bowl, a water cooker that looked like it was going to puke out anything it had in it and a beat up fridge that was on its last leg (which contained only two cartons of ramen and milk that was likely spoiled). His living room held one two seater couch that had seen better days and a coffee table that had a match box to balance out a shorter leg. I didn't even want to see what his bedroom was like.

And let's not even talk about the trash all over the place. I wouldn't let Sasuke live here, let alone Naruto!

"So what do you actually need from this dump?" I asked. No point in calling it anything else.

He rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed. "Not much, really. Clothes and scrolls. A few pictures." Nicknacks. "I got most of this stuff second hand." No really? The couch looked like it was going to fall apart at any second!

"No, you had to salvage it from the trash. Please do not lie to me, Nii-san." I said, folding a box and handing it to him. He smiled, acting embarrassed. Too bad I say how fake that was. "Take only what you need. Ka-san and Nee-san want to take you shopping tomorrow for the rest. And we need to get you some proper clothes for that gala you will be attending with me." He blanched. Shopping was not his favorite thing in the world.

"Come, Naruto-kun. I'll help you pack your things." Kosuke was already walking into his bedroom.

"Oi! Don't go-" I stepped on his foot before he could stop Kosuke.

"Nii-san! Behave!" I warned. "Kosuke-san is trying to help you." There was something in his room that was embarrassing beyond belief. I decided it was worth investigating.

Following Kosuke, I headed into Naruto's room. And I was met with a scene that came right out of a horror movie. The walls were scorched some time in the past, and I could see that someone tried scrubbing the walls with little result. There was a part where old paint was attempted to cover the caked on smoke and grime... but that didn't seem to help much either.

In one corner was a pile of newspapers covered by a raggedy cloth. On top of that was a pillowcase that looked to be filled with Styrofoam chips and sown shut, which mostly hid a pair of pijamas and a sleeping cap that looked like a black fish. In another corner was a box that looked like it was opened and closed often – taking a peak revealed it to be filled with orange jumpsuits, all spotless.

That was all the room had. It was dark, depressing... devoid of life. Even Kosuke's eternal smile couldn't survive long.

Was this what he came home to every night? "Just grab the box, Kosuke-san. We need nothing else." No one made any comments. What was there to say?

I didn't even dare look into the bathroom. I just grabbed a garbage sack and started shoveling in anything that would fit. This was not a place I wanted to be any longer than needed.

* * *

After leaving that depressing place, and informing what must have been a crackhead landlord that the room was available and that he could keep the deposit, we started making our way home.

No one spoke. Kosuke's smile was still in ICU. And my respect for everyone that was supposed to keep an eye on the blond had taken a blow – a hard one. How could anyone allow his to live in that place? The fucking place should have been condemned decades ago! Shit, the rats moved out in favor of better places!

I personally took Naruto to his new room, where he and Kosuke set about unpacking his things. He got the room right next to mine. My brain never quite started up right after we left that dump. I barely even noticed how many boxes came with us.

"Hokage-jiji used to buy me new furniture every few months." Naruto said out of the blue.

That was a lie. It had to be. "Nii-san don't-"

"Hear me out, Ai." I turned to look at him. He wasn't embarrassed, but there was a hollow look in his eyes. Whatever he was thinking about... it wasn't pleasant. I sat down on his bed, folding my hands in my lap. "Things happen a lot." He was reliving a memory – I knew the look. "Bad things." What am I a child? Shit... I technically am.

"Nii-san, you don't need to tell me that people broke in and torched the place. I can tell that much." I said, but got no response out of him. He just stood there, fists clenched and face scrunched. "What I don't get is why the orange jumpsuits are in perfect condition while the clothes you bought are all MIA."

My heart sank a little more each second I saw that look on his face. "They're new." He wouldn't say more than that. And I probably didn't want to know any more.

"It doesn't matter. Things can be replaced." I got up, walked over to him and hugged him tightly. "I cannot change your past, Nii-san. No matter how much I wish I could. But know this-" I leaned back a bit so he could see I meant every word. "I will **never** allow _anything_ like that to happen **_ever_** again."

* * *

Amazing. That anZ entire room could be centered around a single coffee table. At the long sides of the table were three seater couches, with two one seaters at the short sides. Inaho had already set tea, and everyone had a cup – other than Nii-san and Fuki.

"Alright, everyone please introduce yourself." I announced. Nii-san claimed a one seater, while I was sitting next to Inaho – who was actually my favorite of the three ladies. Fuki refused to sit, so she was standing near the door and Kohada sat in a one seater furthest from Naruto.

"Ishibashi Inaho." The tomboy stood, bowed and sat back down. She was at least neutral to him, which was better than Fuki – the bitch.

"Sakiyurai Kohada." The brunette was a bit more distant and didn't get up for him, but still didn't actually disrespect him. She wore soft grays – some weird mix between a kimono and a restaurant uniform.

And the last... "You're still an idiot." Fuki just had to be a bitch. It would be sanding against the grain for her to be anything else. That girl was more trouble than she was worth.

"Fuki-chan! Please remember your station." Inaho-san chided. The little girl didn't look the least bit sorry though.

"Oi, Fuki-kun. It's been a while." Naruto greeted her warmly. I was quite satisfied with the tick mark on her forehead, she deserved having Naruto of all people pissing on her parade. "I almost didn't recognize you without Ami shoving people around. How's it been?" I honestly couldn't tell if they were on good terms or not.

"Meh, can't complain. Ami and Kasumi are pissed because they have to work in their parents' stores. Haven't even spoken to them since graduation." Wow. She's being nice? Didn't see that coming.

"I'll bet, I ran into Kasumi some time back. She got PO'ed that I was training under Kakashi-sensei!" They bother kept talking like that for a bit. Not that I was able to follow the conversation much – I was having a mind fart.

They actually got along? No one got along with Fuki! She was just permanently frowning and bitching and moaning and complaining and... now she's laughing? She _can_ laugh... wow, didn't see that one coming.

"And of course, Kosuke-san you already know." I decided to cut their eternal flashback short. They both turned to me, a bit put out by that. "Don't worry, you two will have plenty of time to chat. You both live here after all." They blushed, earning a smirk from me. This was going to be fun. "Besides, there are things I need to discuss with everyone now that everyone is together."

Well that got everyone's attention. Fuki actually did sit down for this – I almost never made announcements. I did notice that she sat next to Naruto. Hmm. "Alright, now this has not been officially approved by Ka-san, so I will bring this up personally when she gets home." I admitted openly. They all knew that was me getting the formalities out of they way though – I like having all bases covered. "Still, I know for a fact she will agree with me on this, so I will just get it out of the way. I am well aware of people's dislike for Naruto-nii." He looked incredibly uncomfortable about it. "I will **not** stand for it. Not from the general populace, and _certainly_ not from members of **this** _family_."

Everyone reacted slightly different to that. Inaho just nodded, taking it in stride. Kohada looked slightly nervous. Fuki smiled? Really need to get used to that. And Kosuke... he did nothing different – he just smiled.

"Alright, I've said my piece. I will be discussing certain things with Ka-san when she gets home. If everyone is done with their duties, you can laze about until then." I usually said that last when I got home from school – something of an 'at ease'. Usually Kohada would disappear, Fuki would go into the dojo to train and Inaho would fuss over something in the kitchen, or bring everyone something to drink or a snack – she was the mother hen while Ka-san was out.

I wasn't that surprised when Naruto and Fuki went into the dojo together, or when Kohada went out the back door. I nodded at Kosuke, who exscused himself wordlessly – he knew what his task was. "So, Ai-sama. You and Naruto-sama...?" Inaho had a teasing smile on her face. She'd toned down quite a bit recently, which I was more than grateful for.

"Ew! He's like a brother to me!" I complained. Me and a guy was gross enough! Me and Naruto? I had to gulp down the bile threatening to announce my true feelings about that (disgust, naturally).

"Well, that's good to know at least. This way I won't have to worry about keeping you two separate at night." She winked at me, nearly tripping up my resolve to not puke.

"Inaaaaaaaaaaaa!" I whined, with her laughing in reply.

* * *

Hours passed. Ka-san and Nee-san were running late again, but no one wanted to eat without them. It wasn't that rare that they weren't on time, so I honestly didn't think anything of it. Naruto-nii was downstairs training with Fuki – something that I honestly found a bit interesting.

Still, every time I sneaked downstairs, they were either meditating together or sparring. Well, maybe they just got along really well. Still, I informed Inaho so she would know to keep a discreet eye on the situation. Other than that, I had no complaints. Sure, Kosuke hadn't returned yet – nor had Kohada for that matter, but I didn't mind her missing or missing her.

At any rate, today was usually a personal training day. Unfortunately, with all the action I had gotten nothing done. Well... more like very little. I had still meditated for an hour for my Suiton training – though that hardly counts seeing as it was just repeating earlier progress. Anyway, I'd count it as a rest day this time.

"We're home!" Came the announcement. I dashed to the front door, having recognized Ka-san and Nee-san's voices.

"Welcome home!" I jumped into Ka-san's awaiting hug. "How was your day?" She ruffled my hair a bit, then laughed when I groaned at her efforts.

"Interesting. Shizune filled me in after the meeting." She was all smiles, as was I.

I shrugged, not really interested in repeating a story she had already heard. "Dinner's ready."

"I'm sure it is." She smiled a little broader. "Kosuke gave his report already." Nee-san slid the door closed behind them and smiled as well. We walked to the dinning room, mostly in silence. I'm not sure what I was supposed to say, but it didn't matter.

#

Ka-san, Shizune-nee, Naruto-nii and I all sat down together. Inaho brought out the food and served us each in turn according to importance – typical political bullshit that I cared little for. She bowed one last time and slid the door shut behind her as she left.

I didn't like this set up. Not in the least. It felt wrong that Inaho and Kosuke didn't eat with us. "It turns out that Kohada was in the habit of sneaking out to her lover every chance she got. That's where she kept disappearing to." Ka-san announced. So that was it. Well, not very interesting, but at least she wasn't reporting to someone outside the clan.

"Oh?" Was all I said. The whole soap opera scene wasn't all that interesting to me. "Would it be an option to allow them to court openly? It would solve the problem."

"Don't worry about it, Imouto-chan. The problem has already been solved." She smiled brightly.

I just nodded, and continued eating. "Oh, Ka-san. We need to talk Naruto-nii shopping to get some clothes." Both of them eyed the orange jumpsuit he was once again wearing. I did notice the steely edge in their gaze, but said nothing. There was something going on there, but unless Naruto came out on his own and talked about it... well, all I could do was bring what little I knew to Ka-san's attention.

"Alright. While you're at it I want you to take him to the outfitters and get him properly equipped. That rag tag equipment he runs around with won't cut it in this house." She said, obviously making a mental note about something. Hell, if she could get through to me, Naruto-nii would be a piece of cake.

"Oh, and Ka-san... I have a favor to ask." Everyone's attention centered on me. In any other crowd that would make me a bit nervous. "Inaho-san has a daughter that she misses terribly. Would it-"

I was interrupted by Ka-san's sigh. "I told Inaho to bring her in the first place." Ka-san explained. "She wasn't sure she would make the cut, so she decided to leave her daughter at her mother's."

I knew that, of course. The look of a parent missing their child... it was easy for me to recognize. Still... "Make the cut?"

"You didn't think I would let people in without testing them thoroughly first, did you?" She smiled at her own words.

That made sense. "No, I suppose not. Is that why you were so happy about me sending-"

"More or less. It's more along the lines of being happy to told him to report directly to me." I shrugged. It wasn't my business in the first place, so why would it interest me. It might have been interesting for Ka-san... but for me? Nah.

I think Naruto asked what we were talking about, but his mouth was full. Ka-san slapped the back of his head, causing him to spit his food out. "Naruto, never talk with food in your mouth."

He had tears in his eyes. "Ba-ch-" Then he had a bowl full of rice in it, courtesy of Ka-san slapping the back of his head when he didn't expect it.

"Naruto!" Ka-san was obviously a bit harder on him than on me. He was muttering 'itee' and something about fossilized slugs, or something like that. "That was annoying before, but is simply out of place now. Either call me Tsunade-san, or Hokage-sama."

I just blinked a few times, not really sure why that would have the desired effect. The two of them started bickering almost immediately. "Nii-san." I interrupted them. Naruto's face was being deformed from Ka-san's pinch. "Ka-san's age is a touchy subject for her – as it is for most women. I suggest you stop being difficult about it, and simply refer to her by her proper name or station. Don't you think she deserves that much respect?"

"I geshur righ." He tried to say. I shook my head, trying to piece that together. Maybe 'I guess your right.'?

"Good. Now please apologize to Ka-san for your behavior and stop fighting during dinner." I smiled warmly. I knew they meant nothing by it, but it wasn't exactly a peaceful meal with them trying to kill each other all the time – whether through words or fists.

I did notice Nee-san sputter in disbelief at how easily that was dissolved. Well, maybe she should have tried it. Either way, I needed to get in some studying soon. Can't let a perfectly good day go to waste because I had things to handle!

* * *

'Water is like a woman. When in harmony with it, water is peaceful, gentle, nurturing. It is soft as silk, and strong as steel. It heals you, protects you, stands by you.' I couldn't help but sigh at the comparison. It was pretty true thus far – about women at least. 'However, when harmony has been unbalanced water is clingy, cold, stifling and/or detrimental to the mental and/or physical health of any amount of (in)animate objects around it.'

…

…

…

Harsh.

Did Tobirama's wife read this scroll? Either she laughed her ass off, or she castrated him. Still... from a guy's perspective... 'The trick is to unbalance the harmony between Yin and Yang in such a way as to get only the desired result. This is true not only for Suiton jutsu, but any jutsu you learn or create.'

There was a knock on the door. "Hey, Ai-chan... got a minute?" Naruto?

"Sure come on in." I rolled up the scroll, putting it in my drawer. Ka-san was likely going to come in just now to bug me about going sleep anyway. "What's on your mind?" I was not used to this... I dunno, uncertain (?) side of Naruto.

"I..." He seemed to be fumbling with his words.

"Nii-san, try taking a deep breath." He did. "Now, just relax. Whatever it is you want to tell me or ask me isn't gonna be that bad."

He scratched the back of his head, trying to collect his words. "I wanted to say... well... thanks, I guess." He's blushing, unsure and a bit flustered.

"Nii-san, what are you talking about?" I understood, of course. But he needed to come to terms with this – and a major part of coming to terms with something is vocalizing it (fuck... Ka-san was actually right... well, back to the mirror!).

Like I figured, he just started sputtering half formed sentences while trying to explain something that he didn't understand. Not in the least.

"Look, Naruto." He quieted down a bit, glad he could stop yammering. "I get it." That was all I had to say about that – it was up to him to make up his mind any further. "Anyway, how's your Fuuinjutsu training going?"

He smiled, rubbing the back of his head. "Well,"

* * *

Three days to the gala. _Three days_. I had way too little time to get Nii-san up to speed. Way too little. Oh well, it's a challenge, not a disaster. I wondered briefly why I started with this weird habit of mentally ranting about my day before even opening my eyes. That couldn't be very healthy.

Whatever. I had to start getting up anyway. Maybe a longer than normal soak would do me some good? Maybe... but I just felt like laying down a little longer.

"Sweetie, time to get up." Ka-san announced, opening my door. It was Saturday, so I didn't have school and I sure as hell didn't make any plans. I just wanted to be lazy for once. I didn't understand it, but I didn't argue with it either.

"Alright, Ka-san. You heading to the office?" I smiled at her, hugging my pillow just a little tighter.

"Not yet. I don't have a meeting for another two hours." She smiled, obviously planning something. "I'm making breakfast this time, so hurry up." That's not like her...

"Someone's coming over for breakfast?" She cocked a eyebrow at my question.

"Just get ready, and make sure you look pretty." She rolled her eyes and smiled. That would be a yes.

"Tell me who and I'll dress accordingly." If it was Sasuke...!

She leaned forward, damn nearly glaring at me. I got the distinct impression I wasn't going to like the answer. "It's not Sasuke." Dramatic much?

I jumped out of bed and hugged her tight. "Then you've got yourself a pretty princess."

#

I broke the record for washing up – never even thought I could wash my hair that fast before! Still, I wanted to try get in a good soak this time. Something was up with me – I felt off. My back was a bit stiff and for some reason I was itching for someone to say something stupid so I could get away with whatever they got. I didn't get that last part myself... it's just how I felt.

Anyway, I went over to the furo – I still kinda thought of it as a tub, but Western tubs are nothing like this... more of a hot tub I guess. One foot then the other, I eased into the water – which felt... divine!

I just sat there hugging my knees for a while, letting my mind wander on what this day was going to bring me. Naruto-nii would need to learn a lot of things that made no sense whatsoever, but were required to observe proper decorum. As well, his penchant for inappropriate nicknames would have to go on vacation – unfortunately I just found out that the Kazekage and his children were the guests of honor for the Chaji. Strange how I've been thinking of this as a gala thus far when in fact this all revolved around tea – I thought it was simply normal to pass around tea during a dinner. Still, this was going to be one big ass tea ceremony! I got a glimpse of the guest list... four-hundred and fifty-three people! And each one had to had a preordained seat and must be treated according to their station.

I hated treating people any way other than how their attitude demanded they be treated. But that had no place in high society – many wars stemmed from the mere impression of being slighted at Chaji. Either their egos were fragile, or so big that it was impossible not to deflate it for one reason or another. The Dutch actually had a simile about that: 'ze hebben lange tenen' – they have long toes, so they're easy to step on.

Either way, I had another issue to go deal with, so I better start getting out. I still had no clue who was coming for breakfast – but I knew I had to wear my Iromuji Kimono – which was for tea ceremonies.

Just as I got up, reaching for my towel (had to actually get out of the furo to grab it) when...

SHHHHT!

"... stupid, age denying, old wrinkly..." Oh. **Hell**! No. I turned, hoping that this was all just some weird ass dream. But the bug-eyed, oh shit, this can't be happening look in his eyes...

"... Ai... why is there blood running down your leg?" Had my brain been functioning, I might have realized that he was half asleep. However...

Somehow I lost control of my motor functions – I was on autopilot... All I know is that my knuckles were sore and I let out the most girliest... high-pitched... heaven's wrath called down on upon my foes... screech I had ever heard in my life.

**End Chapter 8**

* * *

**A/N: This chapter took a bit longer than you guys must be used to from me. Sorry about that, life hit the fan. Anyway, please leave a review and let me know what you think. **

**Next chapter is going to be a little more formal, and contain a lot of traditions and concepts that are unique to Japanese culture. I hope this doesn't turn anyone off, but it is part of the life of our main character - can't leave it out anymore.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**

**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**

**This is the Final Chapter before the timeskip. No, the story isn't ending here, don't worry. As well, I would like to take the time to point out that no one even noticed the joke I put in chapter 7 that I got from a review. Shame on you all! :P Read the A/N at the end of this chapter for details.**

**Please Review, it helps me to put in more jokes I laugh at.**

* * *

Just as I got up, reaching for my towel (had to actually get out of the furo to grab it) when...

SHHHHT!

"... stupid, age denying, old wrinkly..." Oh. **Hell**! No. I turned, hoping that this was all just some weird ass dream. But the bug-eyed, oh shit, this can't be happening look in his eyes...

"... Ai... why is there blood running down your leg?" Had my brain been functioning, I might have realized that he was half asleep. However...

Somehow I lost control of my motor functions – I was on autopilot... All I know is that my knuckles were sore and I let out the most girliest... high-pitched... heaven's wrath called down on upon my foes... screech I had ever heard in my life.

"_**YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**_"

Within seconds Ka-san and Nee-san were also in the bathroom with us. I heard shouting going back and forward – and I'm pretty sure I heard a body launch through one of the walls (I can't even tell who or by whom, but someone was hit... hard).

All I knew for sure was that I felt a line of warm, sticky liquid trickling down my leg. I didn't dare look. I refused to dab at it. I just wanted to pretend that I had peed a bit out of nervousness.

"Ai, baby, look at me." I heard Ka-san's voice trying to call me back to the land of the living. I heard her, but I was lost. Aiden, the man I was... was dead.

Such morbid thoughts could only summon torrential tears to wash away the last evidence of the man I used to be. "Imouto-chan, it's okay. It's okay. He's gone. It's just us girls, okay?" Shizune tried soothing me, but her choice in words...

Her choice in words made it real to me – I wasn't Aiden anymore. I _couldn't_ be him anymore. Senju Ai... was no longer a persona... she was... no, **I** became Senju Ai. 'I am Senju Ai... a girl... I am Senju Ai...'

Ka-san tugged me to her, wrapping me in an oversized towel and hugging me to still my trembling. I didn't even know I was shaking until she held me so tight that my muscles started protesting against it.

I stumbled over my words, trying to tell her how it was all over – the old me was dead. Some bullshit like that.

I'm not really sure how long I just lay there, blubbering in her arms, but eventually she got me to get dressed. She had to end up applying the pad for me – my hands were trembling like a Parkinson patient. The interesting thing is... I wasn't even mad at Naruto. He was just the unlucky one who happened to be there and I just happened to need a vent. Just one more thing that I hated about this stupid body of mine.

"It's alright baby... Ka-san's here." I kinda just latched onto her again... and like the little girl I was... I cried some more.

* * *

Naruto-nii was waiting outside the bathroom door. He had several lumps on his skull and what looked like dried bloodstains near his nose and both corners of his mouth. I felt bad before for reacting the way I did... but now I just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.

"Nii-san I-" "Ai, I-" We started at the same time.

Well that was weird. Did he stutter or...? "Let me go first. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I should have checked if someone was in there. I guess I'm not used to all this."

"Maybe, but I shouldn't have over reacted like that. I-"

"Reacted the way any girl in your shoes would have reacted." He stood firm. I blushed, knowing he was right. "I'm sorry, Ai. I will be more careful from now on. Please forgive me." He bowed, the look on his face showing he was hoping that I wasn't mad at him anymore but he would understand fully if I was – kind of a pleading, hopeless look. When did he get so mature?

I hugged him. "There's nothing to forgive, Nii-san. I was more freaked out about... that other thing." He blanched, but nodded anyway. "I'm the one who should be sorry. Are you-" I was already bringing my hands to his face to check for any breaks or something.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." He swatted my hands away. He was already stepping towards the bathroom door. "I heal fast. Just need a good shower and I-"

I grabbed him by the ear. "You aren't going anywhere until I check to make sure you're okay!" He grumbled 'Itee!' a few times, sputtering some excuse why I shouldn't bother. Too bad I was already scanning him...

I sensed nothing out of the ordinary. No cuts, no scrapes, no tissue damage, no internal bleeding or signs of bruising. Nothing. "Cool! You really do heal that quickly."

He grumbled something along the lines of 'I told you so.' "Nii-san, get used to people caring about you health." I shoved him into the bathroom, telling him to hurry up. Still, the look on his face... it...

For some weird reason I found myself blushing at that smile in his eyes. That one had me going for a loop – was I developing a crush on Naruto? Nah, that couldn't be right. That goofball was cool as a big brother type... but definitely not my type. Wait! I have a type? When did...

My conversation with Hanabi came back to haunt me – when she was asking me if I liked Konohamaru... I remember saying that the nerdy type was the hottest to me. Or something like that. Was that my type? Why did I need to have a type? Couldn't I just be?

Why was being and falling in love suddenly such a big thing for me? It had to be because my friends were always talking about it. This was just a lame attempt at making even more girly than I already was. The only question was... who was behind it. Didn't I have enough to deal with today?

* * *

After getting dressed, I made my way downstairs. I decided to go with a turquoise Iromuji Kimono with a salmon and gold obi, to make it a bit fancy. The theory behind it being that the simpler design of the Iromuji made for a rather informal look, but the complex design on the obi made the overall outfit look fancier. As well, there was something of a color trick with the salmon foiling the turquoise – I studied medicine and biology, not colors.

Anyway, on entering the sitting room, I noticed that the guests had already arrived. Sarutobi Hiruzen and Asuma, Hyuuga Hiashi, Yuuhi Kurenai, Maito Gai, Hatake Kakashi, Ebisu (why the hell does no one ever mention his family name?), Shiranui Genma, Namiashi Raidou, Yamashiro Aoba, and some guy I didn't know – he vaguely looked like a Sarutobi though. As well, Konohamaru and Hanabi were off to one side waving me over.

"Good morning everyone." I bowed to them, trying to be on my best behavior. I really wasn't in the mood for people though.

I exchanged some pleasantries with the ones I was more familiar with, Sandaime-sama getting the warmest greeting of the bunch. Then I sat next to Hanabi, earning a very curious gaze from her. She made a joke about Sekihan – which literally meant 'red rice', a dish served only on special occasions... which one's menarche fell under.

I blushed. There was no way I was admitting to anything in front of this many people – let alone g...uys... yup, gone, dead and buried. Maybe I should have worn my Mofuku Kimono? It's perfect to mourn the passing of my manhood.

"Thank you all for coming on such short notice." Ka-san entered the room, all business. "And Jiraiya, stop hiding behind my potted plants." He, wha...

The air around said potted planted shifted for a second – the colors mixed unnaturally. Slowly, everything went back to normal, revealing Konoha's very own super pervert with his hand forming the seal for a jutsu release. "Nice to see you too, Princess." He rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed.

"Ero-sennin! When did you get here?" Naruto pointed at the Toad Sage accusingly – almost as if he was expecting the old coot to do something that was going to get both of them in trouble. When did Naruto get here, by the way.

"Calm down, brat. I'm here to bare witness on your behalf." Jiraiya defended himself. Okaaaaaaaaay...

"Please sit down and be quite. We are still awaiting the final two." Ka-san pointed out. This was making less sense with each passing second. Soon, Sasuke and Sakura entered, taking their seats with us. Ummm... okaaaaaay...

"I'm sure you are all wondering why you're here." Ka-san was talking to the six of us. She got nothing but nods in return. "I will explain, but first I have asked each of you to select a sensei for a three week training mission. Who is that sensei?" A feeling of foreboding swept through the room. I already knew that Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke were considered the new Sannin – at least to me. But what did that have to do with me, Hanabi and Konohamaru?

"Jiraiya." Naruto said without any hesitation. I noticed a warm smile creeping onto the silver haired pervert's face – the respect, and dare I say love, was mutual.

"Shizune-san." Sakura said. She looked a little unsure, almost as if she wanted to choose Ka-san, but didn't think the legendary medic would agree. Well, taking the current reigning Hokage away from the village for three weeks would take a state emergency, so I could understand her reasoning.

"Kakashi." Sasuke went with the only other person he knew with the Sharingan – kinda made sense.

"Otou-sama." Hanabi announced. Again, this kinda made sense. He could train her much better than anyone else in Konoha, given their family style and doujutsu.

"Uncle Asuma!" Konohamaru just had to get overly exited about that. "That way I get aunty Kurenai for free!" Everyone got a good laugh off of that one – although Kurenai and Asuma both glared at the boy for it. I didn't get it, but I didn't have to – I thought they were only dating casually. It didn't help that I pointed that out though.

Once everyone settled down, and Konohamaru stopped complaining about the welt on his head (I blinked so I can't say for sure who gave it to him, although Kurenai looked quite pleased with herself), everyone turned to me expectantly. I hadn't give it much thought. I was still weighing the pros and cons with the six jounin I knew well enough to consider.

"Perhaps if I knew the intention of this I would be able to choose easier." I tapped my finger against my chin, hoping to get some sort of information out of someone. Everyone just smiled patiently at me – fish all you want, no one's biting. "Fine... Sandaime-sama?" I looked at him, hoping he would take me. He nodded and smiled. That kinda begged the question: why didn't anyone else try to take him?

"Very well. Each has chosen. You leave in four days." Ka-san announced. And the reason behind this is...? Everyone nodded, most looked exited... and no one was explaining shit.

"Um, Ka-san?" I ventured, a million questions running through my mind at once.

"All in due time, Ai." She smiled at me, meaning that she would keep her word and explain... but when she was good and ready to do so. Fucking wonderful. "Now, I believe we all came here for some breakfast."

* * *

After everyone left, it was time for a crash course in manners... and Naruto-nii wasn't going to like it. I drafted Inaho, Kosuke and Fuki to help me, with Kohada pretending to be the the hostess of the Chaji. "Okay, Nii-san, what's the first thing you need to do?" I asked. It was a trick question of course.

"Dress appropriately and show up early." He answered.

"That's right..." (^-^)'' Shit, that's one bowl of ramen right there! Why did I agree to buy him a bowl ramen for each correctly answered question? Oh right, motivation. Shit. "Once everyone arrives they are expected to wait in a separate room. Sometimes there are snacks and tea, but most often there isn't. What does this depend on?" Get this wrong, get this wrong!

"The hostess of the ceremony. Each Chadou – or way of the Tea – school teaches different principles, and even then there are differences in the type of ceremony and the season it is held in." He was too sure of himself. That sneaky little prick! He studied to increase his chances at more ramen!

"Very good. Now, once everyone has arrived, they are shown to the area where the Chaji will be held. In what order are they to be called in and seated?" I asked, already knowing this was going downhill.

"In order of prestige, of course." He was smiling ear to ear, raising three fingers to taunt me. Yup, that's the third bowl of ramen right there.

"Once everyone is seating for the first round, a thick tea is handed around. What is the order in which they pass it around, and what is the proper way to drink from it?" Hopefully I can just make the questions hard enough to get him on a technicality.

"It starts with the guest of honor and moves around in order of most important to least important. And when you get the bowl with the tea you turn it half way around to drink from the far side then wipe that part with a towel that comes with the bowl." He raised another finger, knowing he was right. I just glared at him.

"I'm starting to think that ramen is the only way to motivate you." I intoned, getting a chuckle out of him. "Look, you obviously know the theory behind Chaji, so we will get down to table manners and mannerisms around high society." He smiled a little brighter. That couldn't be a good thing. "When placing your Hashi – or chopsticks – what do you have to pay attention to?"

I motioned for him and the others to sit down, this was going to take longer than I anticipated. I was originally going to just go over the theory as we went through the mock ceremony. "Always place used Hashi on top of the bowl most recently used and never point it towards anyone. Which is why no one is allowed to sit to the head or foot of a table – it allows everyone a neutral area to aim both ends at without worry of reprisal. And never stick your chopsticks into food or soup and leave it there, that is too much like a funeral. And never hand someone something from your bowl – anything that goes from chopstick to chopstick is too much like a cremation ritual of the family of the deceased. And never rub two Hashi together, it's a sign that the utensils are cheap." He raised two fingers for that one. Sadly he was right, he earned to correct answers with that. One for the answer to the question, the other for sitting in seiza which is the formal way for both genders to sit.

"I think I'm going to treat you to ramen more often. This just saved us a day." I pointed out. "Well, that's everything I thought important for today. Now we need to get you to the outfitters and after that is clothes shopping." His smiled died immediately. No guy ever kept a straight face when a female in his life says the time for shopping has rolled around. Well, most don't at least. "Don't worry though, it's just Hinata, Hanabi and I doing most of the selecting for you. Ka-san and Nee-san couldn't make it because of their meeting."

* * *

I still wasn't feeling any better than I was that morning – in fact I felt a good deal worse. At least I was getting used to the odd feelings. Feelings, because other than an emotional upheaval, the constant feel of something dripping out of me like I was peeing a little bit every other minute or so, and the feeling of wearing a diaper (it was a pad, but it was a bulky one that felt like a diaper) was wearing my patience thin. Still, I've heard of people having much worse – the bloating was tolerable, there was little to no pain and there were no bursts of desire to steal, break or kill something. Yes, I'd known some crazy ass females in my time. I'm pretty sure I was related to the majority of the basket cases, but I try not to remember that detail most of the time.

"Alright, Nii-san. This is our first stop. I already made a reservation with Sengo-san to have you properly outfitted, so Tenten and Yun will be here as well to make sure we miss nothing. You can have opinions on everything, but without a strong case you are adhere strictly to what we decide." I told him. I left no room for argument – and if need be I would use the emotional backlash of his walking in on me earlier to shut him up quickly. I was in no mood for bullshit.

We entered the outfitters, immediately being greeted by the familiar faces. Tenten and Yun had outdone themselves, already having selected a number of outfits for him to try – some even had marginal orange in them just in case.

"I'm still not entirely sure why I can't just buy my clothes at a regular store." Naruto complained, mostly in protest to the first outfit – a forest green jumpsuit to get him into the swing of things.

"Because the clothes we stock have more padding and are therefore much more resilient to sharp things like kunai and shuriken." Tenten explained, handing him a second outfit – this was pitch black and was somewhat more like Sasuke's outfit. I hated it immediately.

He 'ahh'ed and I left him to his fate. Hinata would be the decision maker in this little sojourn – and I had more important things to tend to. "Ji-chan! Good to see you!" I greeted the elderly Sengo. He smile at me warmly, already waving me over to the counter.

"Ai-chan, I have the package you needed. Wasn't that hard to acquire really." He limped into the back room, coming back quickly with a straight sword in its sheath. "Standard issue ANBU sword, already polished and sharpened to my standards." He offered me the sword, holding it with both hands – palms facing the floor. This too was a page out of an etiquette book – more applicable for warriors, but still important. I accepted it with both hands, palms facing the ceiling, waiting for him to release it into my grip. I also had to be careful not to actually touch his hands – that was a major no-no.

Taking it out of its scabbard, I examined the blade from every angle. Logically I would never be able to find a fault if Ji-chan couldn't... but it was part of the process of truly accepting the sword from him. "It's perfect. Thank you." I bowed low – after sheathing the blade of course. We didn't want any oops moments.

He waved it off. "Think nothing of it. However, I did have a favor to ask you. You see, Tenten and Yun have been working on a project of sorts." He had my undivided attention almost immediately. "They wanted to design an umbrella with a sword hidden in the shaft of it, but we need someone to actually work with it to decide if it is worth marketing, or if it's more of a make only on demand kind of thing."

"Hinata-chan! You don't expect me to actually wear this do you?" Nii-san complained.

"Naruto-kun, you should at least try it before you knock it!" Yun countered, not even letting the shy Hyuuga put her two cents in. I just shook my head, getting back to the conversation at hand.

"Hmm, a hidden sword tactic won't work with the majority of the populace. Realistically speaking it would be more of a special order, unless you want to keep one or two in stock in case. I doubt it would sell all that well, especially if you advertise that you sell them." He hmm-ed at my analysis. "However if you alter the product slightly... like offering a sheath as well so that they can have the option of hiding a sword they are already used to... it might work. Especially if the sword is one that they like. It could be more of an extra service you could offer to anyone buying a sword from you."

He laughed. "I told them the same thing." I couldn't tell if he was just humoring me or not, but it didn't matter. "So will you try it?"

I saw no reason not to. "Alright. When can-" He reached under the counter and brought up a fancy looking umbrella. This wasn't a dance prop, but more of a practical one that could actually stand up against rain and perhaps even a slight storm.

"Yun made the umbrella, but Tenten made the sword. It's something of a pet project I thought up thirty years ago, but have never been able to actually create. She made one for her personal collection as well." He explained. I hmm-ed, wondering what the hidden motif was.

"I see." I accepted the umbrella in the same manner as the sword that was now resting on the counter top. "So what sets the sword apart then?" He didn't answer, instead he handed me a scroll with the kanji for 'Sengo Clan' scribbled over the front of it.

"The sword's name is Tenshi." He informed me gravely. I drew the sword, wondering why it was be named 'angel'. The blade was black. Pitch black.

"You-" Tears were streaming down my face before I could hope to help it. Tenten would never made a black sword at her age. Blacksmiths only made a blade black as a sign that it would be their last. Either they were retiring, or they were dying. "Please tell me you are planning on moving to a beach somewhere to live out you retirement in the sun."

"You gave me something no one else could, Ai-chan... you gave me time with no pain. I was able to run after my youngest great grandchild yesterday. Run!" He blinked away a few tears. "This is my final blade." His decision was set in stone.

"I won't complain if you retire, Ji-chan... I just want to know you'll be here for another few years at-"

"You and I both know I won't be." His eyes were dancing with mirth. "We both know I wasn't meant to survive that stroke. Besides, my wife is probably already complaining that I made her wait on me this long." His tone was so light, so carefree. He was at peace with himself and the death that awaited him. I didn't envy him for that, nor did I begrudge him his desires.

I sighed. "Does the family know?" A condition of making a black blade: if the smith proclaimed his choice was death... then death was imminent. Whether by his own hand or... it didn't matter – imminent was the point.

"Tenten walked in on me polishing it. I swore her to secrecy." I caught the hint.

"You know I can't-"

"It's already done." He smiled at me. The limp. He hadn't limp once since the invasion. A few new tears spilled out. "I took the painkillers Shizune-san prescribed, does wonders to make the last leg painless." His face was losing color. I can't say for sure if it was only noticeable now that he brought it to my attention or not though.

"Ji-chan, I-" I was shaking my head from side to side, unsure what to say. I had given several dozen lethal injections, but none of them were to people I knew that well – professionally or otherwise. Yeah, euthanasia was no fun for any medically trained personnel to administer. It actually felt worse than meeting a patient in the ER with DNR (do not resuscitate) tattooed to their chest. Still, this made me feel more guilty that any of that.

"Don't cry for me, Ai-chan. You've given me the greatest of gifts: time to say my farewells properly." He kept his voice low, to not cause ruckus.

"Ai-chan! Come take a look!" Yun called me over. Ji-chan nodded, wiping away my tears for me. Even though his hands were leathery and calloused, his touch was gentle.

"Go on." He nodded towards his granddaughters. I can't remember a time my chest burned quite so much.

* * *

On my way out the store, I whispered to Yun and Tenten that Ji-chan looked tired and that they should help get him to bed. It wasn't exactly breaching the agreement we made, and it granted him some private time with the girls before his final bow.

I left the Shinobi Outfitter Store in a totally different state of mind than I entered it. "Well, guys. The next stop is Ichiraku's." I announced, trying to sound as upbeat as I could.

No one was fooled. "Ai-chan what's-"

"Come on, that ramen isn't going to eat itself you know." I grabbed Hanabi by the hand, dragging her ahead. It wasn't to get her alone to talk, it was more of a convenient excuse to run away from that place.

Death was such a messy thing. Messy and... heartbreaking. I had long since let go of any notion of sorrow surrounding the act of dying itself, working in a hospital will do that to you. But a planned death... that still stung.

I understood his reasoning, I really did. But this? Naming his Kokuto, his black blade... Tenshi? Was this his way of thanking me? Had he given me his angel of death, so I could save lives? And he made it a hidden blade within an umbrella to boot! What did he want to say through it?

"Ai... he's dying isn't he." Damn her and her ability to read me so well. Another tear spilled out. Before I knew what was happening, I found myself in an alley. Her arms wrapped around me and she was whispering for me to let it out. How could I not oblige?

I didn't hold back a single tear. I didn't choke back a single sob. Though I was silent for the most part, I let myself grieve the kind man that had done so much for me – more than he would ever get the chance to know.

All the while the umbrella containing Tenshi was clutched to my chest. I... didn't know what else to do. Well, there was always cry some more. Yeah, that might just work.

* * *

_Dearest Senju Ai,_

_Blooming trees, beauteous flowers and the lengthening of sunlit hours sing songs of spring. How have you been? Has your heart already deemed a young man worthy? Tis the season for it, after all._

_Thanks to you, I'm in better health and spirits than I can remember being in the last twenty years. I have been chasing after all of my grandchildren and great-grandchildren like I was a teenager again! I can't remember the last time my arthritis allowed for such a simple act to be without pain._

_Though these past weeks have been the most wonderful in recent memory, I long for the girl I fell in love with nearly a century ago. My heart aches with a pain no medic can hope to cure. As such I have chosen to give you a final gift. Tenshi is a sword like no other, and I trust she will serve you well. _

_The fuuins on the reverse side of this letter contain a scroll with instruction on how to use Tenshi, as well as the sheath she comes with. Should the umbrella be damaged, Tenten would be able to repair it, or make a new one – she is the one that made this one after all._

_I'm certain that by the time you've had a chance to read this letter, I will have al-_

#

I couldn't read any further than that. Tears blinded me. Memories of patients that had died on my watch came back to haunt me in full force – and one patient in particular. A man that arrived with no ID in the ER when I first started there. He appeared to be in his early twenties, but his hairs were already turning gray.

He stuck out mostly because of the heartbroken look in his eyes. I remembered him telling me that he didn't need to be saved, because the woman of his dreams had been killed in a car accident not a week earlier. He looked right at me, begging me not to save him.

No idea what he died of, or even how he ended up in my ER in the first place. All I remember was that we managed to stabilize him, only for him to slip away in recovery. He had lost the will to live before even making it to us. He was also the exact reason I stopped working ER. After all, what good was a saving a patient that didn't want to be saved?

Love makes us do some crazy shit. A fool's wisdom and a wise man's folly... whoever said that knew what they were talking about.

My mind kept wandering to Yun and Tenten. How would they take it? Would they resent me for accepting Tenshi?

And what was Tenshi? A pet project from Ji-chan's past didn't say much to me. Part of me wanted to unseal the scroll with the instructions – the other part refused to do anything of the sort until I had read through Ji-chan's letter properly. Yet another part of me wanted to sneak out to go see Yun and Tenten. Even though I couldn't rightly comfort them, we could at least be miserable together.

Rolling up the scroll and tying it off properly, I placed it in my drawer right next to the Senju Suiton scrolls I was practicing with. I just needed to get something to drink and I could call it a night.

I had just barely touched my door to slide it open when, "Look, brat. I understand that this morning was a very unfortunate accident. I'll even grant that Ai hit you hard enough for me to not have to worry about this." Ka-san was in protector mode again. I smiled – she was never going to change, and I liked it that way.

"I give you my word, Ba... Tsunade-sama. I could _never_ take advantage of Ai." I couldn't stop myself from blushing at the sincerity in his voice. What. The. Fuck. I practically had to slap myself to come back to my senses!

I was soooooo **not** developing a crush on Naruto-nii! "Your word means the world with others, brat. But when it comes to my baby... words won't cut it."

"Then don't take my word for it! Throw whatever you want at me, and I will show you again and again that Ai is too precious-" My eyes went wide, my brain stopped working entirely. Was he about to... "for any guy to ever do that to. So long as I can help it, no guy is ever going to take advantage of my Imouto-chan, 'ttebayo!"

My heart was throbbing in my chest, my breathing shallow. Somehow I felt lightheaded, so I leaned against the wall for support. But most notable of all... was this tingling in the pit of my stomach. It was hard to describe beyond a warm tingly sensation. But it made me feel... different.

It seemed so familiar somehow. Like spinning around really fast, then laying in the sun all afternoon.

Too. Fucking. Weird. "I'll believe it when I see it, brat. Why should I believe that you are any better than Sasuke? As far as I'm concerned no boy will ever be good enough for my baby girl."

"Sasuke-teme? What does he want with Ai?" His voice had an edge that matched Ka-san's. He was going to be just as protective, I could tell.

"He's been trying to play her against me, using any trick he comes up with to get her upset with me. I don't trust him." So that's what really happened. Or did she know that I could hear her and is therefore taking advantage of that? It was possible. It didn't matter, I didn't trust Sasuke anyway.

"**Teme**!" Nii-san sounded pissed. You know what... that drink could wait... this day needed to end. Good night.

* * *

Sunday. The day of the sun. You'd think that would mean that my day would either be illuminated, or at least not as morbid. Yun came by just after breakfast, her eyes puffy from crying. Ji-chan had passed on.

Not surprisingly he had already made all the arrangements for his own funeral – that was just the type of man he was. The wake would be held later that afternoon, with the cremation being held the following day.

"Yun-chan... I'm... I..." I tried not to cry. Audibly crying for the deceased went against the Buddhist teachings that everyone here tried to live by – non violence being the most obvious teaching most couldn't or wouldn't observe.

"Tenten informed the clan that you inherited Tenshi. Everyone wants you to bring it to the wake, but please not with the umbrella." She controlled her voice very carefully, but I heard it cracking in places. Her eyes were also shining from unshed tears.

I nodded, understanding why a bright and cheery umbrella would be unwelcome in a time of mourning. "Five o'clock?" Four o'clock was not a good time to plan anything – four was per definition not a number to use on purpose. Four was sometimes pronounced as 'shi', which also meant death. Superstitions, yes. But part of the thought process none the less. And the worst time to argue over the validity of any superstition was right after the passing of a loved one.

She nodded, already excusing herself. I knew it was a breach of etiquette, but I hugged her before she got out of reach. Normally you don't touch people, some people don't mind being touched by friends and touching a stranger was only tolerated from the very young and the very old. So hugging was even more of a taboo to most. I didn't understand why, hugs were the best medicine for a broken heart. "i'm going to miss him too." I whispered in her ear. She was crying before she had a hope of rebuilding the dam that held back her tears. She didn't make a single sound though – the theory being that the sound of crying distracts the departing soul, causing them to lose their way to the afterlife.

I didn't reprimand her, I didn't soothe her. I just dropped to my knees with her, letting her cry as long as she needed to.

Footsteps were coming up behind me, soft, but there. I turned slightly, trying not to disturb Yun in her grief. Sandaime-sama and Kosuke were looking at us – understanding and compassion radiating off them.

The message on Sandaime's face was clear: we need to talk. I mouthed five minutes to him, and they left – heading to the back porch. "Yun, are you alright?" Only start a dialog with the mourner if you need to hurry things along... I hated having to rush though.

* * *

I probably should change my top, but thankfully it was my training outfit so it was used to worse. Deciding 'to hell with it', I headed to the meeting that I really didn't want to attend. "Ai-chan, I just spoke with your mother." Yup, if he started off with that it'll be all downhill.

"Before you go any further, Sandaime-sama. I would like you to indulge a foreigner who has no clue what the fuck it going on with all this." Fuck this 'floating in the stream' bullshit. Too much is happening simply because I was allowing it. I crossed my arms showing I meant business.

He smiled at me, that same grandfatherly smile he usually wore. "Ai, there is little I can tell you, because there is little known about this... It's the first time we've done it."

"This is going to give me a migraine, isn't it." I intoned. There was a long complex explanation about altering the timeline coming – which no one thought to fucking ask me about in advance. I could just fucking feel it.

"A little birdie told us about the potential in four of the six that were chosen today." That would be Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke and Konohamaru without a doubt. I knew almost nothing about Hanabi before arriving here. Hell, I knew next to nothing about anyone else, but I knew the basics – sort of...

"Hiruzen, please just tell me what my presence fucked up so we can get to the part where I go wide eyed and swear in tongues you probably wouldn't understand." Kosuke's smile waned – either he didn't understand anything about me, or he simply didn't understand the switch that just took place. Or he wasn't used to people talking like that to Sandaime-sama without reprisal – which couldn't be entirely truthful, seeing that Naruto could do worse before having breakfast in the morning.

"Smash a rock, and the pebbles assemble elsewhere." There was guilt in his gaze. What did that mean? Smash a rock...

Something went wrong. The information I had was enough to find most if not all the Akatsuki main players. Things could have easily gone wrong with any one of those. Then there was 'Tobi', whoever the fuck he was. Surely they would have known his weaknesses through my memories, right?

Smash a rock, and the pebbles assemble elsewhere... "Solve one problem, and the following one will follow?" I wondered.

"Very good." Both smiled at me.

"That could mean anythin-"

"Suna never fought us in the invasion, the only one that took any real casualties was Oto." He offered. Fuck. That was not good!

"What the fuck is wrong with you! How many people got pissed off at that?" A strong alliance being formed with two of the great five villages! And the Chaji included dignitaries from the Land of Fire AND the Land of Wind. That is a political statement if nothing else... one that others would all too easily take as a threat!

"Just Iwa. They seem to hate Sand as much as they hate us." He explained.

"But they won't be dumb enough to start a war with us without backup..." As the words left my mouth... realization hit me like a fucking freight train. "They're starting to rally an army to make their move. And with Suna so heavily in our debt, that means possibly Kumo and Kiri. Kiri being far less likely due to their numbers still recovering from the Bloodline Purge..."

He nodded gravely. Kumo was currently the top dog of the great five. Their numbers weren't declining, and they churned out the same quality shinobi they always had.

"What's more, we have done our best to counter some of the more... pertinent matters brought to our attention." I glared at him.

"I didn't just hear that. Tell me I didn't just hear that." The look on his face was... not comforting. "And no one thought to cross reference plausible alternates?"

"Unfortunately, those that knew regarded it as a blessing from Kami-sama and didn't argue with plausibility." I rubbed the bridge of my nose. Was I the only one that ever thought about this shit? No, the Nara would too.

"Okay... look. Give it to me straight. Is a plausible future where the five great nations fight side by side, better than the now probable future of that same war breaking out with no common enemy?" He sighed. "You're fucking kidding me... you didn't even make the fucking call... Hiruzen, you just lost most of my respect, and doomed the world to another of those wars with your-"

"..." No... no... please, no...

"There's more?" I was right, I could feel that migraine coming in full force.

"We... need you to do... something..." I just glared at him. I knew from his hesitation that I wasn't going to like this. "..." He whispered something into my ear.

"..." I heard every word he said, but how the fuck do you react to that? I didn't have a fucking clue. "..." Silence wasn't the best option though.

"We don't need an answer right away, but please think about it."

"..." Real smooth, Ai. Real smooth. Now stop fucking blushing!

* * *

This... sucked. Right? I mean... I should've been be pissed. I had flipped out on Ka-san of all people over a date with Sasuke... so this should have upset me. Right? Right?

So why was I blushing like a fucking schoolgirl? What was wrong with me?

"_The only way to prevent Kumo from going to war against us, which will ultimately lead to the Fourth Great Shinobi War, is an arranged marriage. It's the exact reason Kaminari Jei was sent here... to pick his bride." _

Sandaime's words... they haunted me. Not so much that first part as-

"_Jei-kun came to Tsunade yesterday, requesting the right to court you. Specifically saying that so far you were the most likely to be selected."_

What was I supposed to feel? Honored? Pissed? I just lay out my Mofuku Kimono, letting that thought simmer for a bit. I had lain out the three layers of the kimono separately, so that it could air out a little, then I headed down to the furo.

I eventually realized that I had washed up a little better than I usually did – more like I realized that I already washed certain spots several times. Too much on my plate at once. Sandaime-sama and Kosuke were accompanying me to the wake. Or was I accompanying them? Then there was a training that no one was explaining the reasoning of (yes I noticed that Sandaime dodged that bullet quite nicely). And now... Jei...?

I... had no idea how to react to that. Well, at least I was not being forced into a marriage directly. That was something. Still, I was under the impression that it could easily come to that. _He_ was to select _his_ bride after all.

One foot in front the other was the best way forward, so I decided to go with that. Luckily no one expected me to be a ray of sunshine, that helped. So I donned my attire, removed every trace of makeup and left my earrings out. I had a single pair of black tabi that went with the outfit, and a pair of zori. The reasoning behind it was that so much negative emotion was present at a wake and/or funeral that you must not wear the same clothing for any other reason – funeral clothes were used only at funerals. Still, I was requested to bring Tenshi in its sheath. So much to deal with...

Making my way downstairs, I found Sandaime-sama and Kosuke-san waiting on me – both already dressed for the occasion. To my surprise, Ka-san was there as well.

I hated wakes and funerals, my senses were on a continuous tilt while everyone tried to either put up a brave front, or simply fake their way through the entire event. Few ever felt true grief for the deceased – it was mostly a trained response to feel sad at funerals – but those that did... So much grief in once place. Too much. I wondered how people were at my funeral... at least I didn't have to sit through that one.

Ka-san chose to explain that she was attending because it was a former clan head's funeral. Don't know why, I didn't ask anything.

And unfortunately, Jei was coming along as well. Pregnant women were always encouraged to not attend such functions, so his mom had a bye and his sister was too young to be able to sit quietly though half of whatever this thing entailed...

The fact that Ka-san asked him to help keep an eye on me – something about how I was grieving worse than anticipated – wasn't helping things. Not in the least. I don't grieve, I just come close to the point of drowning in the grief surrounding me! And with the level of grief Yun was exuding... just Yun – not including her cousins, parents, aunts, uncles. This was going to have me messed up for weeks!

#

On arriving at the Sengo home, I came to realize that this was actually going to be much worse than anticipated. Unfortunately emotions are not barred off by silly things like walls and doors, so I felt the emotion before we even knocked to announce our arrival.

A middle aged woman opened the door, welcoming us silently. It was then that I realized that it was something of a clan quirk for the fairer sex to have their hair in twin buns like Tenten and Yun – not sure why that was so important to notice. Maybe it was my trying to ignore the metaphorical cloud hanging over her.

I hated being able to see... more than others. I dunno what to call it – chakra, auras, emotional plane disturbances... everyone hangs their own tags on things. And the further into that home I moved... the more I hated it.

The things I saw weren't pictures or colors, they were... impressions. It was almost like different temperatures in the air – I felt it radiating off people that were nearby. The more powerful or synchronized the emotion, the greater the affected area would be.

Each person present... their grief seemed greater than the last. Ji-chan was a man that was truly loved and respected.

We were called to witness the first part of the ceremony – or at least the first part we were present for – coffining the body. This was by far the most excruciating of the wake. I couldn't even see what was going on, because every time something happened a new waved of emotion washed over me. It was like being baked and frozen at the same time.

Sadly there are two different forms of grief, both of which are equally potent – though both radiate differently. One if them is passionate – people that cry, shout, scream or are otherwise inclined to react openly fall into this group. Though it is openly contagious – which causes others to feel more clearly and offer the freedom to react the same way – but uses up most of the energy in the physical aspect. As such they affect me little, or not at all.

The other group... they save the energy of motion and pour it into radiating that emotion. Think of it like a battery. If you use the battery for a flashlight (for example), the battery will eventually run out of energy. So when a 'battery tester' like me comes along, there is little for us to sense. But what happens when you just let the battery sit? Or when you collect a hoard of batteries and attach them all to the same tester at the same time?

One of the priests (?) placed a bowl of rice on the alter next to the coffin and 'stabbed' it with a pair of chopsticks, then lit a long stick of incense and placed it in a holder that kept it vertical while it burned. I did my best to focus on them, on the soothing emotion they projected somehow.

"Thank you all for coming. Please, join us outside for one final demonstration – as per the customs of our clan." I didn't know who spoke, but I didn't want to stop focusing on the oasis of calm in the desert of grief surrounding me.

I didn't even argue when someone gently grabbed my hand to lead me somewhere. "First up. Sengo Ichiro, with Hiryu."

Over the course of fifteen minutes, I felt a noticeable drop in the emotion surrounding me. There was still much grief, but it was tolerable. Perhaps people where distracted by the demonstrations done by the Sengo clansmen – I don't know. But I was most grateful.

"And last up – as per tradition. Senju Ai with the final blade, Tenshi." The hand that guided me there, nudged me forward to the center of everyone's attention.

Tenten stood opposite me, already bowing. "Let's start simple. Can you handle the first katas of the Itou-ryu?" I nodded, mostly to show I heard her. I didn't know what I was capable of at that point, but my expectations were low.

We bowed and our dance began. Though I would later find out that I earned the nickname Kanashigetou – 'Mournful Blade' – that afternoon. Apparently I cried for the duration of the bout.

* * *

That night I found myself in the furo. I don't know how long I was in there, but I had more wrinkles than people would expect at ten times my age.

"So you finally noticed." I turned to find Ka-san gazing at me sadly. I looked at her, clueless as to what she meant. "That you stayed in that tub far longer than you should have."

I shrugged, no point in denying the obvious. I got up, got out the furo and dried myself off – in no mood to talk. "I already informed the Sengos that you will not be attending the funeral tomorrow. They weren't surprised really." I nodded, already pulling up my panties. I kinda liked this pair – it had the symbol for Konoha on the front. After that I strapped up the barely there swells on my chest – I only wear sportsbras to bed, if that. The trainee bras were way too tight to sleep in. Then came my PJs, which was a set Ka-san picked out – way too fluffy and frilly for my tastes. At least it wasn't pink.

Ka-san sat me down in front of her so she could comb my hair for me. That was usually a sign that she wanted to talk. "Sweetie, talk to me." Or be talked to in this case.

I sighed. "I'm usually not very talkative after funerals and the like." Was all I said. I already decided to put off the whole 'Jei thing' for some time in the far future.

"Are you sure?" She stopped combing my hair, trying to gauge my reaction.

"Yeah." I could already tell she either didn't believe me, or didn't want to. She wasn't letting it go so easily. "I'm in no mood for this Jei thing right now. Maybe next week... or next year."

"Baby, there is something you need to know about the... Jei thing." Great. Don't listen. "Because of your status as clan heir, you-"

"It's going to rain tomorrow." I grabbed my bathroom slipper and tossed it in the air. As predicted, it landed on its head. Silly superstition, but it changed the subject.

"Ai th-"

"Ka-san, look. I spent all afternoon swimming in people's grief. I am in no mood to add complications to it." I announced, grabbing the comb out of her hand to do it my damn self. I sighed, feeling her guilt slam into me. I was always less guarded after a 'short circuit' like I had at the wake.

I sighed, feeling worn out. The guilt just went up a notch to an incredible shame. I could hardly blame her, most people were clueless how to deal with me when I got like that.

She mumbled something about my being a sensory type, then shook her head a few times. The emotions rolling off her settled down – they didn't go away entirely, but they were less obvious now.

I sighed again, more content this time. "Thank you... that was getting a bit much." There was a low buzz from her shock, but fairly well controlled. "I know, it's weird. I get that all the time. Sorry, but it is usually only this bad when I get overwhelmed."

"Why are you apologizing, baby? That is an incredible gift." There was a dash of suspicion (yes, that shows up on the emotional spectrum to some extent) and an undertone of anger about her.

I sighed, feeling even more tired. "It doesn't matter." I sighed again. "Can we-"

"Talk about this tomorrow? Yes. Did you want to cuddle up in my bed with me tonight?" She offered, her desire to protect me washing over me.

"Odds of me actually sleeping tonight are slim. I'm probably going to wake up at least once screaming for reasons I doubt I can explain. Why would you do that to yourself?" I spoke truthfully. With my shield down, I was far more susceptible to nightmares. I didn't understand why, but experience taught me well. She cocked an eyebrow at me. "Yes, I know I'm a _freak_. I've heard it all before."

"Baby, I was wondering why you would think not sleeping in my bed was a good idea if that was true. Why would I think you were a freak?" I was just gathering my energy to heave a sigh, but she stopped me. "You know what, forget I asked. We'll talk about this another day. Right now, I want to finish combing your hair for you, then we can tuck you into bed. No arguing with Ka-san." Wasn't gonna.

* * *

"Aaaaaaaaaiden." A familiar voice drawled. A voice I knew all too well. And one I hoped I would never hear again.

I looked around, seeing nothing but corn stalks. In every direction as far as the eye could see. Corn. And more corn. I didn't even have to look for that run down shack with chipped red paint to know I was on old man Conner's farm. "Aaaaaaaaiden... come home Aaaiden."

There were some crows to the North, and a single swan to the East. 'Home' was to the South, and the West... that was where I always went. West used to be the most romantic direction to me... because that was the setting sun – that stood for sunsets, which was the exact timeframe of my first kiss. I still remember her name too... Sharon.

I went West... I always went West to go meet Sharon. We played in her brother's treehouse for a while – wedding, house and doctor were her favorites. "Ai, wanna play house?" Ai? Since when did she call me Ai? "We'll always be best friends, right Ai?" I smiled at her, and we hugged.

"Always." I used to be such a chatterbox, but she always stole the air out of my lungs. I was lucky if I said more than three words with her around.

"You've got to go now, Ai." She put her hand on, open palm facing me and fingers spread apart. This was our special greeting, and farewell. I placed my hand against hers, letting our fingers link together. "Your hand..." My eyes lingers to our hands, seeing two girl hands together.

The next thing I knew I was walking up the slight incline on the road to... where I used to live. I barely got through the front door before I heard my father's pickup truck skidding off down the road. I looked through the window only to see a cloud of dust. I made my way into the kitchen. "Momma, what's going on? Where's daddy going?"

She looked at me, tears in her eyes. "You're father doesn't love us anymore." My heart shattered. "It's because Ai was such a rude girl. You drove him away!" She rushed me, grabbing me by the skin of my neck – essentially pinching my air pipe to get a better grip. Her nails dug deep into my skin, drawing blood.

"Momma! Stop it! I'll be good, I swear!" I cried – I think – but it fell on deaf ears. It always did. "I'll be a good girl! Anything you want!"

"You should've thought of that before." Her voice was so cold. So distant. I was dragged out into the hall, then through the back door. There was an old cistern that had too many holes to hold any water. The only thing visible was a circular hole surrounded by dirt. And literally, that was all I could see – inside the old cistern was pitch black.

"This is your punishment for being such a bad girl." I was shoved and fell through the hole, hitting the side of my head on the edge of the entrance.

And there I found myself... again. I was too short to reach the top no matter how high I jumped. My arms and legs were too short to try climbing out any other way. I sat in the dark. Sat and waited. What else could I do? I could hear the bugs around me crawling around, but I was too used to them to let that bother me.

"For being a bad girl?" Did I not catch enough birds the day before? I even remember gutting them, defeathering them and putting the extras in the freezer in those plastic bags like she told me. Did that make me bad? Did I not close the bag properly? What did I do? Why am I a bad girl?

"Maybe I am bad..." Momma knows best, doesn't she? Maybe not waking up tomorrow would make her happy?

Just then something crawled up my leg. I didn't mind, it wasn't any worse than what I was used to down here. Maybe bad little girls deserved to be thrown into pits just like this one? Maybe-

"Owwwww!" Something bit me. At first it was just annoying. Then it itched. I scratched the spot over and over, but the itch only got worse. And worse. Then the pain started.

It was only a little at first. But every time I scratched, the pain spread a little more. It started just under my left knee, going down into my foot. Then into my toes. Then it started traveling back, feeling twice as bad in some places. Then it was in my thigh. Then it spread into my belly, in my chest. My lungs were on fire. I could barely breathe. Then it went into my arms in my elbows, my hands and my fingers.

Slowly, the fiery pain filled me up. Then it flowed further up, into my neck, into my face... even my hair was on fire with pain. Was this what I deserved for being a bad girl?

Did I deserve this? I didn't know. I just know it hurt. It hurt so bad. And it was only getting worse. And worse.

So I did what anyone would do... I screamed. "_**AAAAAAH**_! _**DAAAAAAAAAADDY**_!"

* * *

"_**AAAAAAAADDY**_!" I shot up, finding myself in the dark. My breathing was ragged, sweat dripping from every inch of my body.

"Ai...? What happened?" I heard someone near me. I didn't know where I was, I didn't know what was going on! All I knew was that I itched, and every inch of my body **burned**! "Ai, baby, are you okay?"

"It... burns!" I managed. It was a maddening pain – I didn't understand anything, I didn't know anything. That pain filled my world, crowding everything out. I honestly don't know how I felt so calm. There was just something in the air...

"Hold still." Something was changing in the air. I could feel my energies swirling. Slowly... every so slowly... the pain subsided. "Baby, are you alright?" Her voice was soothing, but at the same time I could sense her concern.

"Ka...san..." I latched onto her, refusing to let her go.

"It's alright, sweetie." She smoothed my hair, her hands still giving a faint green glow. "It's alright, Ka-san's here. Ka-san's right here."

With the pain gone, my ability to think returned. Things weren't adding up. I was never this calm when I got bad dreams like this. I certainly wasn't this collected. Sure I screamed, but that was because of the dream itself. This didn't make sense. "Shhhh, shhh, shhh, shhhh." Ka-san was rocking me back and forth, shushing my fears, humming a lullaby I didn't recognize. She kissed me over and over again, telling me not to worry.

But what stuck out most... was her smell. Spring flowers. Thinking back, I was smelling her throughout the entire dream. I must have snuggled up to her, seeking comfort. And what a comfort she was! I wasn't in a panic. I wasn't hyperventilating. I wasn't past freaking out, or trying to bash my head in a door to make the pain stop – which actually happened the last time I had a night like this.

Pain and fear do strange things to people. Hunger too, but not nearly as bad. Fuck those psychology classes, life has taught me more than a textbook ever could.

"What happened?" Ka-san eventually asked. "I know you had a bad dream, but why did you suddenly get a fever?"

I had a fever? "I dunno." I've been told I had a lot of different symptoms during these episodes... but a fever is new. I checked my leg. "I'm not bleeding this time at least..."

"Why would you..." The room was dark enough for me to not make out her expression, but I knew she was worried.

"A stigma that comes back to haunt me."

"Why would you-"

"Medically speaking a stigma is a place or point in the skin that bleeds during certain mental states. It is also quite common for this to happen internally, with ulcers for example." She's just gazing at me, probably already figuring out that this was just the way I coped with certain things. I spoke of my dream... and its real world counterpart. Which somehow made things less scary, especially these days. Eventually reaching to the end of the dream, I continued to the memories that I clearly recalled that were revealed after.

"... I was bitten by three different centipedes. One on my left leg, under my knee. Another bit my on my back right between my shoulder blades. The final one... got me between the eyebrows." That wasn't fun at all. "One of the neighbors found me unconscious a few hours later and rushed me to the hospital. Apparently I was still screaming long after I passed out."

She just listened. Neither interrupting, nor reacting much. She might have fallen asleep to be honest, but it somehow felt good to just get it all off my chest. Stupid female urge to talk about every fucking thing in the world. "When I came to I was in the fucking morgue. They'd pronounced me dead, saying that they gave up a half hour after my heart stopped beating." That was a lot of fun, especially since they asked me how I ended up in that damn cistern in the first place. "Since then every time I get really stressed out, I get a stigma episode and bleed from one of the locations I got bitten."

"What about irregular bowel movements, trouble breathing, or swelling during these... episodes." She asked, obviously letting her inner medic take the reigns.

"Bowel movements are pretty common, but not the others." Somehow approaching these things like it was about a patient was a lot easier, something that Ka-san likes to take full advantage of.

"So we are actually talking about a recurring anaphylactic shock. With additional symptoms of spontaneous stigma in extreme cases. Emotional relation perhaps?" Anaphylactic shock? That makes sense. Basically that would mean swelling, a rash, diarrhea, vomiting, dilation of veins in the brain which can cause headaches, feelings of anxiety or 'impending doom', problems breathing, an irregular heartbeat or lack of heartbeat altogether. Trouble breathing, muscles swelling, skin turning blue due to lack of oxygen, hives, flushing... usually there are two or more symptoms before anyone would actually be diagnose with anaphylactic shock. It doesn't mean it will kill you, mostly it is just a severe annoyance – but it can.

"Emotional, without a doubt. It seemed to be closely related to nervousness and certain facets of fear." I thought a little longer. "But what I don't understand is why I am so calm. I'm usually freaking out during and after these episodes."

She just smiled at me, obviously knowing the answer but she wanted me to figure it out for myself. "Don't worry about it baby. Let's just go back to sleep." She lay on her back, laying my head on her belly. I could hear her heartbeat, steady and strong. I was asleep before I could even hope to resist.

* * *

"So you think you're so important, huh?" My older brother asked. "Little crybaby Ai thinks she's so big?" He was only a year older than me, but his attitude would make you think he was the oldest.

A few inches taller, but everything else about him was exactly identical with how I used to look. "I..."

"You should know that since papa left, I'm in charge now!" He declared. I was scared. How could I not be, I've been home from the hospital less than a day, but I was already back in his clutches. I knew that a hurricane was on the way, and that we had to get inside... the trouble was that I went inside the wrong house.

Our old house needed repairs from the previous hurricane, but there was no time with the busy hurricane season. So we moved into the the guest house – technically the barn, but who keeps track. I was trying to find shelter in the basement of the house though, which is where I was found. Of course that isn't what they had agreed to, but I wasn't home to know that... now was I. All I knew was that there were bottles of water and a basket with food in the room I was laying down in...

"You know that I could beat you to death and no one would be able to hear you scream, right?" He was already loosening his belt, a weird glint in his eyes. "No, I guess you wouldn't. You never did know what was best for you." The first hit landed on my back.

"Ahhhhhh-wwwwwwwwww! Stop it! I'll be good!" All I felt was another two cracks of his belt landing on my back and legs. My world exploded into pain! I started panicking, not knowing what to do! The doctor made me promise to be good, but obviously I couldn't. I was simply no good, no matter what I did.

"Stop what? Stop telling you what you are?" Another crack resounded in the room, and I screamed louder! "You!" **CRACK!** "Un-" **CRACK!** "grate-" **CRACK!** "ful!" **CRACK!** "BITCH!"

He hit me, and hit me, so fast it took my brain a second to register all the pain... "YAAAAAA!"

* * *

"YAAAAA!" I jumped up, tears blurring my vision. I heard something moving nearby, but I didn't know what. It had to be my brother coming to hit me again! I didn't want him to hit me!

"Stop it! I'll be good. I swear!" I back peddled, falling off of the bed onto the cold, hard floor. I didn't care, the person was coming closer. And closer!

I could barely breathe. I couldn't see. My world world became the sounds of footsteps coming closer... and closer! My heart throbbed in my chest, threatening to break something, I felt like I was going to throw up any second! Something warm was dripping down my face, and my back. I didn't even know what it was, but the smell of blood hung heavy in the air! I couldn't almost taste the Grim Reaper's scythe hovering inches from my face!

"Stay away from me. I'll scream! I swear by all that is holy, I'll scream so loud I'll make us both deaf!" I warned, but that feeling persisted. I felt, more than heard another footstep coming closer.

I lost my fucking mind! "!" I kept moving away from whatever was coming at me, screaming louder every second! I kept calling for my daddy! Daddy was the only one that ever protected me! That's why they sent him away! It wasn't that he didn't love me! No, they made him leave!

Hands grabbed me, trying to take me. I fought back as hard as I could! I punched and kicked and bit, and... anything I could think of! They wouldn't take me! No, I just had to hold out until daddy came to get me! Daddy would save me, he always did...

"AI-SAMA, CALM. DOWN!" Someone shouted, but I wasn't buying it! No way, no how! No one was getting near me! NO ONE!

This time two pairs of hands grabbed both my hands and feet, pulling me straight painfully. "**NOOOO**! DON'T _HIT_ ME AGAAAAAAAIN!" I tried to kick them off, I tried biting them, flailing my arms as wildly as I could!

"Kami-sama, she's bleeding! Go call Tsunade-sama! **NOW**!" One voice instructed. I didn't understand what was going on! Why were they hurting me? What did I do? Was I so bad that they were going to kill me this time?

Footsteps could be heard moving away from me. I tried fighting them off again, but I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough. They were going to kill me because I was a bad girl! Why? What did I do? Why was I so bad? "Please, just don't hurt me anymore! I'll be _good_! I swear!" I pleaded. But they wouldn't listen! Their hands kept me where I was, refusing to let me go! They grabbed me so hard that I thought they would break me at any moment. I was so scared... I didn't know what what to do...

Daddy... where are you?

"What's going on here?" A stern voice came.

"We don't know, we just-"

"Let her go. Now!" I flinched at the tone. This wasn't my daddy. He wouldn't shout at me like that. No, only momma would shout at me. And momma was never as kind as my brothers or sister...

The hands let me go, and I clambered back immediately. Instinctively I knew that if this person touched me, I was as good as dead. "It's alright, baby. Ka-san won't hurt you." The voice soothed. I didn't believe her. Momma always hurts me! Even when she didn't hit me, she would still hurt me with her words. She would rip my heart in two! Which was even more painful...

"Please... just stay back! I swear I'll be good! I'll be a good girl! I SWEAR!" The footsteps stopped.

"Sweetie, it's alright. You're already a good girl." Momma said that a lot too. Right before she told me to come to her, that she wasn't mad. Then she would hug me, only to tell me how she wished she had started the pill sooner – it would have prevented her last pregnancy.

Before I could even react, a pair of arms pulled me into a hug. My head was buried between two of the biggest tits the world had ever seen. I didn't even have the chance to fight back, before this feeling came over me.

It wasn't calming, simply because 'calm' wasn't strong enough a word. It literally robbed me of my pain. It took my fears out back and beat it to death!

The only thing that mattered was that scent... spring flowers. I knew that scent so well somehow. I didn't understand it, but I didn't question it either. Taking deep breaths for the first time, I let the fragrance swim around in my lungs... that soothed me.

"Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh." Tears started flowing again, but this time it wasn't from fear. "It's alright, baby. Ka-san's here. Ka-san's here." I was being rocked back and forth, and the soft shushing sound kept eroding what was left of my fear. Until finally there was nothing left. The pain was gone, the fear was gone. All that was left was that scent. I loved that scent above all else. Every time something tried pushing me back, I would snuggle deeper. I just wanted to lay there a little longer – where I was safe. I didn't know who this woman was... but she would protect me. I don't know why, I didn't know her from Adam... but I knew she would somehow make it alright.

* * *

"Ai-sama, are you alright now?" Inaho asked, concern evident in her voice. Everyone's been asking me that _constantly_ – it was getting on my nerves.

"No. I'm not alright." I intoned. Hey, at least I was being honest. I snuggled a little deeper into Ka-san's hug, refusing to let her out of my grip.

"Don't forget, sweetie, you still have to go to school. I expect you back here by no later than four o'clock though – the Chaji is tonight and Shizune is going to be helping you get ready." Ka-san said. It was still weird for me – my brain was used to hearing the Japanese, but I still translated most of it into English to understand what the hell was going on. I still couldn't actually _think_ in Japanese. A lot of it wasn't barely translatable, but most of it was simply interpreted.

It didn't matter, I could always just snuggle a little closer to Ka-san and forget it was a problem to begin with. And I intended to do just that.

Even though she was sitting seiza, she didn't complain about me sitting in her lap with my arms around her waist and my head snuggled in her cleavage. Hell, she was even feeding me like I was her baby (rice and curry tofu, not breast milk you **perverts**). And I loved her all the more for it! Anytime someone offered to take me so that Ka-san could relax and enjoy her breakfast, she would just smile and offer for them to try.

Needless to say, no one was successful. Nee-san and Nii-san came close a few times, but they only ever managed to feed me – no one calmed me down like Ka-san. I think Ka-san enjoyed that, by the way.

* * *

I made it home by three forty. Which I personally find impressive since it's a twenty minute walk and we got out late. Don't ask me how the hell I managed. I don't know.

The second I entered the front door Inaho welcomed me, eying me wearily. "Welcome home, Ai-sama." She bowed reverently – damn near level with the floor.

"Inaho-san." I matched her bow. "I am deeply sorry for this morning." She smiled nervously at me, welcoming me once again. It kinda sounded like, 'Won't you please come in.', but maybe it was something else too.

Making my way up to my room, I noticed that Nii-san was already there waiting on me. He clearly had something to say. "Nii-san, how was your day?" I asked, closing the door behind me. If my guess was correct, then he had something private to talk about.

"I'm going to be leaving soon. With Jiraiya." His eyes were haunted, like there was so much he needed to do before leaving. "Tsunade-sama arranged for the six of us to go on separate training missions as a smoke screen for me to disappear with no one noticing."

Well, that made sense – especially since I didn't understand the reasoning beyond that. "For two years, more or less. Right?" He nodded gravely.

There was dark cloud hanging over him, something major going through his mind. "Yeah. I'm leaving right after the Chaji tonight." I figured he would. With every dignitary leaving at the same time, it would be nearly impossible to track where they were going. Somehow that just seemed like Jiraiya's style.

"Konoha's going to be boring without you here." I sat on my chair, seeing as he claimed the bed. Both of us sitting on the bed was inviting something I really didn't want to risk.

We were both silent for a bit. I decided it better to let him collect his thoughts – he obviously needed a few moments for that. "I'm going to be sending letters to you while I'm gone. I want to keep in contact with my little sister, you know."

"With Gamakichi or Gamatatsu?" I smiled when his eyes bugged out a bit. He didn't expect me to know about them. "Make sure you ask them about the other toads, you need to get familiar with all of them. And ask them about their battle styles and elemental affinities – everything is important."

He nodded, a little smile on his face. "You really are too smart for your own good, but thanks."

"We all have our own personal charms." I shrugged, smiling warmly at him. Who would have thought that I could have earned a place in his heart this quick, or him in mine...

He sobered up quickly though. "I have a favor to ask. I need you to keep an eye on someone while I'm gone." That hollow look in his eyes was back. Whoever it was... they were precious to him.

"Hinata and Konohamaru. Got it." I winked. He blushed, not denying either claim. "I was planning on doing just that anyway." I winked again, smiling from ear to ear.

Just then Shizune knocked and entered. That was Naruto's cue to poof out, showing that I was talking to a shadow clone the whole time. I laughed – mostly out of embarrassment, seeing as I hadn't expected anything like that. Nee-san tried to hide a knowing smile, but was only partly successful. My guess was that she was listening before she came in.

"Let's get this show on the road, Nee-san. Those important nobodies won't wait!" What? I'm only a gibbering mess when I wake up, not after a day of acting like nothing was wrong with me in the first place!

* * *

Suited up in my Furisode, Nidaime-sama's necklace and earrings (?) and Tenshi carefully tucked into my right sleeve – yes, my two belt pouches were hidden under my obi – I was ready to crash the party! A shame that none of the guests had arrived as yet.

Well, none of the 'important' ones at least. Kouji and Daichi were already the first to arrive in their finest kimonos, Jei and the Hyuugas hot on their heels. We were expecting more than five hundred guests in total – one hell of a party if you ask me.

Because it was far grander than Ka-san first imagined, she had arranged for the Chaji to be held in Kikyo Castle. Frankly, I think she was just saying that and had planned to hold it there the whole time. She's not one to 'overlook' details like that... usually.

Anyway, it didn't matter. Once the formal part of the Chaji was done, Ka-san promised that I could hold my own little afterparty in the courtyard with my friends. That way she could discuss all the boring shit I had no use in hearing – I like it better that way. Well over fifty loyal Konoha kunoichi were hired to play waitress, so that security would still be pretty damn tight and no one would notice much of it.

It was stifling, all of it. Properly observing every tradition, making sure to be as sweet as kilo of sugar added to an espresso, always being courteous to every guest, addressing everyone as 'sama' or 'dono'. It was tedious and fucking pointless.

Watching the Fire Daimyo and the Wind Daimyo and the Kazekage and Ka-san exchanging polite banter that was so neutral that they probably had never once in their lives been in the same room (on good terms). The only thing I can claim to say I was grateful for was Ka-san's announcement: "Alright, Ai-chan. You can take your friends into the courtyard now. Please entertain them like a proper young lady." I hugged her, thanking her over and over again. But something caught my eye: Gaara. He and his siblings were going to be stuck with all that polite bullshit while I had my way out.

"Oka-sama, would it be alright if I asked Kazekage-dono for his children to join us?" I begged with my eyes, wondering if I could get away with it. I had already made an agreement with Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji for them to opt out with me, so why not extend the invitation to another trio?

"I see no problem with asking." She smiled warmly.

I took my time making my way over to the Yondaime Kazekage. "Kazekage-dono, might I beg your indulgence?"

He was wearing his Kage robes, with his face completely covered. "That depends on what you wish to ask." He replied neutrally. I actually expected that, so I didn't react.

"Oka-sama has allowed for me to hold my own informal tea ceremony in the courtyard so that we won't become a bother to our guests. Would it be alright if Temari, Kankuro and Gaara joined us?" His cold, calculating eyes settled on me. I don't know what he was thinking, but he didn't exactly come off as a warm and friendly person. Then again, neither did Ka-san when she was in Hokage mode. "I would be most welcoming of any guards you wish to send with them, if you desire."

He took a long moment to ponder that. "Very well." He turned to the jounin with a turban like thing on his head, covering the left side of his face. "Baki will escort them. I shall send word when we are to leave."

#

That marked the beginning of a real party! The Konoha Twelve were all there, having snuck away from the other party, or just showing up on time for ours. As well, Hanabi, Konohamaru, Kouji, Daichi, Jei, Yun, Choco, Futaba, and quite a few others. Including Naho – the Fire Daimyo's niece. She seemed to be quite taken with Sasuke for some reason. And she can have him too! (^-^)

There were five geisha playing music and dancing for us, food galore – enough for Chouji to make it his personal mission to try each dish – and enough seating for everyone to be comfortable.

I got into an interesting talk with one of the geisha and Temari – they were already talking about fans as a weapon and wanted an third party opinion.

Everyone was conspiring to get Naruto and Hinata to sit together – and I actually had nothing to do with it this time! What I did have something to do with, was sneaking Nii-san a scroll telling him to give it to her.

Neither of them knew it, but I had a picture taken of the two of them during one of our lunches. That was sealed in a fuuin within the scroll, along with a letter from 'Naruto' about how he felt about her. And he trusted me blindly, giving it to her with a flourish. He was going to kill me when he found out what was in it! It'd be worth it though.

There was plenty of dancing going on – Hanabi found it the funniest thing in the world to see me trying to dance in my geta. There was plenty of laughter going around too. Like when Naruto whispered something into Jei's ear, making his blush. Do you know how hotly he had to blush for me to notice it in the dim lighting? With his dark complexion to boot! Well, everyone proclaimed it was Naruto telling the boy to keep an eye on me for him. I'm guessing he was getting me back in advance for whatever I had him give Hinata.

What can I say, we had fun. A shame it would be the last time for a LONG time that we would be able to do something like this... Still, I looked forward to it. I would think of a way to get the Sand Trio to come up to Konoha when Naruto-nii gets back.

"By the way, Kankuro... Temari wouldn't happen to be the one that gave you the 'birds and the bees talk', would she?" I asked, Naruto and Hanabi already laughing.

"Yeah, why?" His eyebrow was slightly raised, not seeing what that had to do with anything.

Never answer a question I ask out of blind faith. "Nothing important. Something had to explain why you play with dolls and makeup in public."

_**End Chapter 9**_

* * *

**A/N: Well, that was fun! Poor Kankuro. By the way, in case anyone missed it from last chapter, the joke about Ai getting Naruto hooked on Ninja Ramen Rangers was from a review. I not only get inspired by reviewers, but I get some really nice material from you too! Good going shirokuromokona, kudos to you!**

**As well, I am pretty sure I covered this already, but I will make a point of mentioning this here. One reviewer pointed out that this writing style is a bit angsty. I both understand and agree with that point, but it is real. Even if you only view this as a vague, made up character... if you consider what has been revealed of Ai thus far, I'm sure it makes perfect sense why she reacts the way she reacts.**

**Another fact pointed out to me is that this story started coming over as a manual for child rearing. Also at least partly true. Ai's thought pattern kinda demands that style of writing. If you are interested in the Psyche Talk that underlines the reasoning in this... well, basically she is so used to defending and defining what she does and believes that she has her thoughts already plotted out for when (not if) someone asks. It's a defense mechanism, really. Don't believe me? That's fine. I'm not here to convince anyone that I'm right ;)**


	10. Baby steps, Ai, Baby steps

**Cosmic Comedy**

**Time has passed, and now Senju Ai is joining the shinobi ranks. How has time changed her? Where is she going? And who the hell is this joker calling himself her sensei? Well, let the adventures begin! Self insert, gender bender!**

**Hey guys, from here on in updates will be going slower. The point in time I'd warned about has arrived. So in all likely hood the future chapters will has less grammar and spelling issues (don't ask for logic that isn't there). Please notice that this chapter is named, unlike its predecessors. There is a twisted logic to it that I don't feel like revealing - just know that it's there. As well since time is going to be more of a commodity now, I can shamelessly put up a review quota for the next chapter (I'm evil, I know).**

**Arwenia, Elivira, shirokuromokona and kenegi are in fact the reasons I won't. You silent readers should thank them ;)**

* * *

"Look, you assholes have known me for years! If you think I'm going to fucking introduce myself, I'll end up stabbing someone!" I dunno who said that, but I like them already.

Iruka-sensei cleared his throat nervously, trying to block out the cursing he usually only tolerated from me. Even then it was because I didn't do it often, and because I was the Hokage's daughter! "Alright class, you all graduated. Congratulations on that!"

"And what asshole is in there saying the same speech every year?" I was already saying silent prayers to anyone that would listen that this wonderful person would be my sensei! I think the voice is female, but that didn't really say much just yet.

"From now on you will be doing your part in making sure Konoha's shinobi force remains one of the top in the known world. Bare your forehead protectors with pride, it certainly deserves as much." He continued as if we couldn't all hear this person cursing on the other side of the door. "When you are out doing missions with your team, please remember the basics you've learned over the years here at the Academy and remember to-"

The door exploded, interrupting whatever sensei was going to say. "Ruka-chan, is that you lulling these babies to sleep?" Purple hair, check. Tan overcoat, check. Dark orange miniskirt, check. Mesh body armor that absolutely nothing to hide any of her assets, check. I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude, check. Target identified, Mitarashi Anko! FUCK YEAH! If I ended up being on her team, look out world!

"Anko... you're early." Came some guy's observation. Talk about reverse to Kakashi! I had to end up biting my lip to not laugh at my own thoughts. "Can he at least announce the teams before you tell me why you felt the door deserved to die?" This guys was so calm, so collected. He could probably see an autopsy and not fucking blink!

Then behind them were some other people, including Ebisu. Poor Pervymaru. But not my problem.

"As I was saying, this year's teams are... team five: Choco-" I blocked him out – a skill I have perfected over my academy jail time here. I cold completely ignore him and when he calls my name, my brain would rewind and catch the last three sentences he said. Took me a long ass time to get to that level!

'Let's see, Anko's there. Ebisu is Konohamaru's problem. I don't know anyone else. Even remotely.' The guy that dared talk back to Anko had dull black hair and a scar on the right side of his mouth. Next to him was a guy with shaggy brown hair, a bit on the chubby side. He looked pretty cool otherwise. The next one was the definition of plain looking. Brown, shoulder length hair and sunken eyes – he looked like he hadn't slept in days. Behind him was a woman in a brown catwoman suite? Without the face mask, true... but no less disturbing. Okay... I better not be getting her!

Nope I think I'll just stick with the plan of going with Anko! Anko-sensei has a nice ring to it.

"Team 7: Senju Ai, Akamon Kouji, Takaoka Daichi to be led by Shirakumo Hayame." Mister personality – the one that was talking smack to Anko – nodded gravely. His eyes were already centered on me, probably thinking he was being discreet about it.

"Team 8: Kaminari Jei, Nara Matsuri, Onoe Ame to be led by Kanden Tekuno." Shocking Techno? You've got to be kidding me! But, the shaggy hair and the loose posture... it could fit if you viewed it abstractly.

"Team 9: Konohamaru-" Yup block out... I already knew that team.

"... Hyuuga Hanabi, to be led by Mitarashi Anko." Shit, what'd I miss? Oh, just Samo and Jin on her team. She was gonna hit the roof the second Iruka-sensei left the room.

Yun and Futaba were on the same team, and Choco was piggied with two slack offs that left her no chance in hell to passing the genin selection exam – or whatever official name this next dumb ass test was gonna get.

No matter how you sliced it, only two teams actually had a shot in hell of passing – seeing that Konohamaru's team is virtually guaranteed to pass. And seeing that Kouji and Daichi were on my team... well... There is hope for for Jei and Hanabi... but it's really between the three of us for those two remaining slots. With Matsuri on Jei's team... and Ame – dunno much about him. Well, mostly with Matsuri on his team he has a better edge. Samo's a grade A jackass and Jin... well he's alright, but not enough to balance Samo out.

It sucked, but it seemed that Hanabi was going to flunk because of the draw she got.

"Well, that's all the teams. And seeing that the jounin are already here to collect you, I will leave you in their capable hands. Good luck with your careers." Iruka-sensei had this look that just screamed that he felt like a mother hen watching its eggs hatch.

* * *

"Alright, I want you to introduce yourselves." I was willing to bet this was the guy that pissed Anko off in the first place! "We'll start with you." He nodded at Daichi.

"Um, okay... what do you want me to say?" Daichi seemed unsure. "Could you maybe go first, sensei?" Bubble boy diverted it right back to the source.

"If you insist. My name is Hayama. I like kenjutsu and sparring with my buddy Tekuno. I dislike people who would sacrifice anyone to save their own skin. My dreams for the future are to get married and have two-point-three kids and one-point-five dogs." This guy's a virgin that never jerked off.

He nodded to Daichi again. "Name's Daichi. I like working with unusual weapons and helping Kouji and his dad develop them. I dislike people who do not appreciate the value of proper headgear. And my dream for the future is to figure out if barbecues are better than traditional cooking." That goofball did not just say that. Hayama-sensei nodded to Kouji next.

"I'm Kouji! I like long range weapons and anything that explodes on contact! I dislike blunt weapons... I leave that for Daichi to figure out. And my dream for the future is to make Choco-chan my wife!" Way too much information there. Still, it would make for an interesting topic later on.

"I guess that just leaves me. I'm Ai. Do **not** call me anything other than Ai, or Ai-chan. I like katas, training and sparring. I dislike prejudice, whether positive or negative – it's stupid either way. My dream for the future is to surpass my every Senju that's ever lived."

"Very well. Meet me in eight at six." He smiled at his own little joke. Acting like I couldn't tell what he meant (training ground eight at six AM). With that he was gone, still acting like his mind games were all that bad. Did he ever train under uncle Gai? Now those are **scary** mind games! Who knew green could be so emotionally scarring?

"Well, I say we go celebrate our being teamed up!" I announced already heading downstairs. "And why the hell did he want to meet on the roof?" There was something wrong with that man.

* * *

"Teuchi-saaaaaaaaaaan!" I greeted warmly. No we were not going to Ichiraku's – do you know how bad that stuff is for your figure? – but we do pass by regularly for me to give him updates on Naruto.

"Ai-chan! How's the weather?" He asked. That was our secret code for 'How's Naruto?'

"A warm front is coming. The weatherman said so himself!" I told him. Nii-san's last letter said he would be coming home soon – I looked forward to seeing the look on his face when he saw... my surprise.

"You hear that Ayame? Good days are coming!" He did a little happy dance – did he know I could see him?

"Okay... well, we'll be going now..." Lack of vitamin Naruto did weird thing to people...

Daichi, Kouji and I were outta there before something _really_ weird happened. I already had to suffer through uncle Gai and Lee's manhug twice that morning on the way to school – I didn't want or need any more material for a back story in twenty years. What? Something had to spark uncle Gai's attraction to green and hugging men in public.

At any rate, we made our way to _our_ regular spot – something of hangout for us. A restaurant on the boarder of the Commercial District called Ginkai's. Sure, we went to Ichiraku's once a week to eat... but I was not risking another pimple parade by eating there more than twice a week! I damn nearly started walking around with a paper bad over my head out of embarrassment!

"Yo, Kanashigetou! Come in, you're table's already been set for you!" Choco welcomed us, already walking ahead to show us to our usual table. She worked here after school – it was her mom's restaurant after all. Apparently her mom wanted to start something on her own, so her dad helped her start this place (family politics, don't ask don't tell). He still ran that merchant's route between here and the Land of Tea, so this place was more of a convenience for them – and they got nothing but the best teas. I loved coming here for that!

"Hey, Choco-chaaaaaan! Can we have the regular?" I asked smiling at her. I looked around, seeing no one around. "And one order for you too. You know there won't be anyone around for at least another hour." The midday rush was not a pretty sight. I was so glad I didn't work in a restaurant.

"Sure, I was planning on taking my break soon anyway." She winked at me... or was that at Kouji? Not sure. It could be my brain was filling in the blanks – after all, it wasn't like Kouji kept his mouth shut about how head over heels he was for her. Horny little prick. "Jei-san made a reservation for two this Friday, by the way. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?" She had a knowing smile on her face.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I intoned. Honestly I didn't, he never once asked me on a date. He just took me out to feed me quite often – that's not the same thing! I didn't know why people would think we're an item.

"Of course. Of course. I'll be right back." Her smile didn't go anywhere. Mou! This is what I got for admitting he was cute when I first met him...

Anyway, I had more important things to deal with. "Alright guys, sensei is probably cooking up some weird ass test for us tomorrow. We need to be ready for an all out war with him, and we work together, no matter what he claims, understood?" I received two nods. "Cool, we'll work on a few strategies just for him a little later. For now we go all out to celebrate being teamed up!"

They nodded, their eyes a bit shiny. We'd grown quite close over the years. Sure they still acted goofy as hell, but I tuned the worst of it out. I was the tallest of the trio, by a hair or two. Daichi was going to end up being the tallest in the end, I could just tell. He was, unfortunately, still surgically attached to that goofy helmet of his. I couldn't even tell you his hair color because of that. Don't even get me started on that goofy smile of his. But at least he was starting to put on some decent muscles from all the training we did.

Kouji on the other hand, he was just out there. Wiry, surfer's body, constantly walking around with his bow strung over his shoulder and a quiver strapped to his back with the mouth peaking over his left shoulder. Put on green tights and you would get Robin Hood, Men in Tights. Hey, I actually remember that movie! Shit, I haven't thought about stuff like that in a while. Oh well. 'I wonder if uncle Gai has a leotard to spare?'

Not like I was much better than either of them. I wore kimonos most days (mostly Iromuji and Komon), only switching to more practical wear when training. And I always had my geta on! I was half tempted to talk to Kouji's dad about designing some custom geta with hidden gadgets or some shit. I kept my belt pouches on my back under my obi, leg pouch on my left arm under the sleeve, and the reverse edge sword I got off the stupid Sound nin tucked into my obi under the top layer of my kimono. And Tenshi... I always kept Tenshi nearby, but sealed in a Fuuin I kept rolled around my right arm. My hair could reach the middle of my back if I let it out these days – I hadn't cut or trimmed it once. Still, I kept it in a ponytail with two specialized kunai hidden in near the end. If you look at me, you would see nothing more than a polite young lady always dressed to the nines – until you pissed me off. Hell, I even keep my slingshot in my left pouch, along with some nasty little surprises I'd been working on. I was always ready to go to war.

"Yo!" Jei and his team showed up as well. Even now, Jei was taller than me. That swimmer's physique he had went out the door – he was now the buff body builder type. Fuck, I hoped I wasn't drooling.

Wait, WTF! I didn't drool over some guy! Oh fuck, pointless. That boy could wear garbage sacks and recycled newspaper and **still** be the hottest guy on the planet...

Ame... I didn't know him well enough to really tell you if he changed at all. He still wore that ridiculous red bandana on his head and practically never spoke. Whenever he opened his mouth, it was solely for the purpose of sticking his foot in it. Honestly, he looked fragile.

Matsuri-chan on the other hand, she was becoming so cute! Like me she had longer legs, giving her height over Ame – we were more or less the same height, so Jei was still taller. And we both had grown somewhat – double scoop of boobs to fill out our bras and somewhat wider hips. She had this huge crush on a guy in her clan too! We've been working on getting him to notice her the same way, but it was still a work in progress. (-.-)''

"Matte-chan!" I teased. It was kind of a corruption of her name ('matsu' – from which 'matte' is derived – was the infinitive of the verb meaning 'to wait', which fit her character too well to not point out).

"Good to see you're in a good mood." She intoned. She hated that nickname. They joined us at our table, not even bothering to ask if they could – this was all of our hangout spot after all.

"You're starting without us, kore?" Yup, Pervymaru struck again. Udon and Moegi flanked him, waiting for their 'fearless leader' to take his seat.

"Hey Choco! The whole crew is here!" Jei shouted at the door, to make sure she knew to bring out the usual for everyone. "We have Ame-kun as well! You might want to actually take his order!"

"Good to know that I've been left out of this ritual all this time." Ame complained. I barely knew his name at all! Was it anyone's fault but his own that he was excluded?

Anyway, the whole crew wasn't here yet – Hanabi was still-

"Jei-san, must you insist in being so loud?" Hanabi asked, Kou by her side. She must have already dumped Samo and Jin somewhere.

"Hanabi-sama! It's fate that we were put on the same team. Can't you see we were meant to be?" Samo appeared out of nowhere, kneeling and taking her hand into his. Luckily she saw it coming and substituted with Kou – who didn't look very impressed with some kid holding his hand romantically.

"So, who wants the honor of kicking Samo out?" Well, I had no qualms with it – he was annoying the fuck out of my best friend. I stood up – luckily it was a low table so I didn't have to risk messing up my kimono for this. I took out my sword from in my kimono – gotta think up a name for it, too many swords to keep track like this.

"Hmm, I wonder how many times I can slice his pants before he starts breaking laws around here." I held the saya in my right hand, loosely grabbing the pommel with my left. My knees were bent at a 90 degree angle with my left foot pointing towards him. The Konohamaru Corps got outta the way real quick, giving me the perfect view of the target. I was already building up the 'dormant momentum' needed for the short dash to him and selecting the best trajectory to cause as much pain as possible. No one outside of my closely knit circle of friends knew it was reverse edged – the tanto I usually carry around wasn't. So many possibilities with different types and styles of blades.

"I uhh..." He didn't even wait to think of a good reason, he just hightailed it outta there.

"I hope you guys aren't trying to scare off potential customers." Choco whined, probably only seeing the shadow disappearing around the corner and me tucking my wakizashi back into my kimono.

"Nope, just Samo. You know he's allergic to paying for anything." I pointed out, getting a few laughs out of anyone everyone.

Once lunch was over, I was met with three dilemmas. The first was whether or not to believe we were going to be an active genin team, and therefore whether getting Kouji and Daichi properly suited up or not. The second was Hanabi's declaration that she had no intention of being on the same team as Samo. I could understand how she felt, but that meant that she would either have to wait another year and try for better luck, or give up entirely and simply train in her clan's style. That would suck for her, seeing as that meant she had far less say in who she married – unwritten clan law I'm afraid.

The final dilemma was far more pressing – whether I should really name each weapon or not. That would mean coming up with a lot of names! My reverse edged wakizashi, my tanto, my slingshot, my custom kunai. The bo staff Saru-ji-chan had made for me (Kami I miss Ji-chan so bad sometimes) was named Eda – meaning branch. It was a play on leaves being able to grow from it, or so I've been told. At least that one already had a name, so I didn't have to burn my brains to figure out the perfect one. Naming something, anything, was a science. It had to be perfect from all angles. The name needed to be able to be taken different ways to mask the true meaning, while making it glaringly obvious once you understood.

Like Naruto for example. Everyone knows that a 'naruto' is a fish cake used in ramen. But few ever think of the possible second meaning, the hidden meaning: Naruto can also mean 'maelstrom'. Which most would even then not see the significance of it. Maelstrom is written as 'daiuzumaki', which when broken down meant Great Uzumaki. Names needed to be perfect from all angles.

It didn't matter. Well, other than my wakizashi. There was great emotional value behind that sword – even other than the vow with Konohamaru, there was the simple fact that it was my first sword. And my slingshot, that was the only positive memory I had from Who the hell walked around with so many weapons anyways? Other than game characters... Triforce anyone?

Whatever. Bigger things to worry about in life. "Alright guys. You still remember the 'Hail Mary'?" I asked. They nodded. That was one of the usual strategies we used against Kono-corps during gym classes. "Good, this one is similar to that, only we will be using more stealth and dialogue for distraction. I'm going to be the distraction, Daichi will flank the target and when they try to get out the way Kouji takes the shot. Questions?" There were none, as usual. They always saved questions for after the first round.

We were using the practice dummy in my back yard to practice with. Basically I was distracting the dummy by any means possible – conversation, acting hurt, hell even flirting was a valid tactic. Daichi would then substitute with me (Version II) or he would sneak up from the dummy's blindspot (Original). Kouji would then shoot an arrow through the dummy, keeping in mind that the dummy would likely be moving and that he had to ensure that the arrow absolutely HAD to miss Daichi.

We even practiced the sign of what strategy this was (open right palm and left fist) and when Daichu had to strike (closing and clenching both fists). We went over it over and over again until we all agreed that we could do it flawlessly – luckily both boys were just as determined to do it right as I was.

I still had like one more strategy I wanted to practice with them – I never introduced too many of them at once. Still, there were all the strategies we had worked on over the last two years. We were ready.

* * *

After the guys left for the day it was time to get to my own training. I decided to start off with the most complex of my exercises – applied fuuinjutsu. Basically I would seal a single item on my person into its proper fuuin on the scroll wrapped around my right arm – I was left handed and not necessarily ambidextrous. Even after factoring in the difficulty of the motions themselves, it was still more complex than it sounded – I would first of all have to know which item went into which fuuin, without looking. Then I would have to completely expose said item and arrange that the proper fuuin was also visible – to each other at least. Then I had to re-wrap the scroll around my arm in such a way that it was once again comfortable.

It was tedious, and for the most part pointless. But in the long run it would allow me to carry a greater arsenal with me, should I need it. I at least managed to do a complete sealing in just over a second – way too long, but better than it used to be. There was something I was missing, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what.

Sure I could just keep at it until my speed was so off the charts that no matter how inefficient I was with my movements that it wouldn't matter... But that would mean jack shit against a faster opponent. No matter what I believed, there would always be someone out there that was faster, stronger, smarter or simply sneakier than I. I honestly still hadn't made up my mind if I wanted to join the shinobi rat race, but joining the shinobi ranks was simply more efficient. I was trying to be stronger than Hashirama and Tobirama Senju for crying out loud – I'd take any help I could get!

Anyway, back to the point. I started off by having every item sealed away. So all I was wearing was my 'uniform' for training – sleeveless gray shirt and tight fitting gray pants. I would then grab the scroll that contained all the fuuin and wrap it around my arm – position zero, so where this kata would always begin. Starting with the geta I had sealed, I would unseal them on the floor before me and put them on, then take them off and seal them again. Then I moved on to the next item.

Leg pouch – the one I actually had set up to wear on my leg. Arm pouch – the leg pouch that I usually wore on my arm. Belt pouches. Tenshi (sword from Ji-chan), Eda (bo staff from Saru-ji-chan), wakizashi (reverse edge, needed a name), tanto, trench knives (yeah, Asuma got a real kick to know that I was learning his signature weapon), jian, and finally a pair of tonfa. I never did get around to finding out if someone knew a kata for the yoyo. I was however started with the basic katas for the tessen (fans). And as the grand finale, my slingshot – which took the longest because I had to unseal my belt pouch and take it out from there. There was going to be a change in that in the future, but for now it was fine.

Maybe I was spreading myself out a little thin? Nah, better to pick ten and be damn good anyway. I met my ten weapon quota (if I counted kunai and shuriken as tools not weapons), so this was where I was intending to keep it for a few years – at least until I made chuunin. And no, I never did manage to get any better with the bow... I left that up to Kouji and Daichi.

Alright, that was that. Now to individual katas. I unsealed Tenshi with the umbrella. Hmm, would the umbrella count as a weapon, or an extension of Tenshi? Grey area. Tenten had taught me the beginner and advanced kata for this type of sword – the snake sword. This was by far the hardest for me to learn – part of the reason why I was still busy learning the basics for my tenth weapon twenty-eight months later. The reason it was so hard? Because it was two weapons in one – not including the umbrella. In its natural state it looks like a standard dual edged short sword, forty-five centimeters long. However if you knew how to work it, the blade could separate into nine pieces attached by the 'snake spine' (a specially constructed wire). Depending on how you used it, the distance between each 'vertebrae' could be shortened or lengthened – with a maximum total distance of just under nine meters.

Bad mojo with the number nine – it was usually pronounced as 'kyu', which could be taken to mean suffering. Sad really, seeing as I was always taught to believe that the number nine was divine – different strokes for different folks.

Anyway, there were two (three if you included the Itou-ryuu I had already started with) schools of kata I had to learn for Tenshi. The first was the snake sword school, the second was the umbrella sword school. That the Sengo clan designed katas for weapons I had never heard of before... well it spoke highly of them as warriors and blacksmiths. Although... shouldn't Tenshi then be considered three weapons? Who knew.

Let's not even get started with Eda... Sengo Muramase was simple a genius when it came to weapons. He could take any basic weapon and turn it into a work of art that would take any given person years to master. And I was blessed with not one, but two of his final works! Maybe I should wait until I turn jounin before taking on another weapon... I might need the time to get used to the ones I already had.

'_Hmm, I might juts have an idea for a special tessen... I'll talk to Tenten about it when I see her later._'

Well, next was the tonfa kata. How did Tenten manage to _master_ twenty **different** weapons by the age of fifteen? That girl was scary!

* * *

"Welcome home, Ka-san!" I glomped her the second she opened the front door. "How was your day?"

She just laughed, hugging me back. "I'll tell you as soon as I take off my shoes." I didn't react much, I usually don't. She loved it when I glomp her when she reaches home and everyone knew it.

"Okay, I can do without knowing for another minute." I hugged her a little tighter. It's not like she would be able to tell me many details anyway, it was mostly just to let her know that I've been thinking about her and missed her.

Once I decided I had soaked in enough of her warmth, I let her go. She kicked off her shoes and we entered the house together. We were already chatting about little stuff. You know the usual – how was your day (fine), didn't you have a meeting with the council (don't start), how did it go at the hospital (no one died). She was basically sworn to secrecy on every front of her life, so she never talked about it. It didn't stop me from asking, or telling her about what I had been up to between questions.

Sometimes she would ask questions if something I said piqued her curiosity, but most often she would just listen. She was a **good** listener. It often intrigued me that Ka-san would always arrive home forty-five minutes after Nee-san, but it was none of my business so I never asked.

We sat down to the table just as Inaho-san served dinner. "You really should take it easy on how many weapons you try to learn. Aren't you on your tenth by now?"

"Yup, ten is my limit right now. I figure I should take my time to master the ones I've selected. But I also think that once I get passed the basics that I should get my hands on a good weapon to take me the distance. I still need to think of a name for my wakizashi by the way. Anyway, I've been thinking about the tessen I've been working with. I mean, it's practical, stylish and no one would think it weird that I would go everywhere with it! It's the ultimate hidden weapon. So I figure getting one of good quality should-" Yeah, I'd become a motor mouth – only around people I trusted implicitly though. All it took was three half hour sessions a week of Ka-san's psychotherapy for six months (more or less) and she worked out the worst of the kinks in my head.

Everyone knew how to shut me up too – a simple chorus of 'Itatakimasu!', which means 'I humbly receive'... something of a prayer, something of a ritual. Socially translated it could be taken to mean 'enjoy your meal', or 'bon appetite', but some things translate poorly.

'_Okay, I'm rambling again. Let me just eat so I can ask Ka-san what the hell was up with me not getting Anko as a sensei!_'

#

"Ka-san, how come I didn't get Anko as a sensei?" She knew the rules, the second her chopsticks touched her empty bowl I was going to pounce on her again – with questions, it was kinda hard to glomp her with a table separating us.

"Hayama is just as capable, and he has a higher rank. We only select special jounin if no fully fledged jounin offered to become a sense." She cocked an eyebrow, wondering what my fascination was with Anko – if my guess was correct.

"True, but Anko was there as a sensei as well." I pointed out.

"Sweetie, I have hell with you as it. You think I'm going to add to that by letting Anko take you under her wing? It's bad enough that I let Jiraiya take Naruto for so long!" She was being dramatic. Naruto would come back alright – just with a few new perverted jutsus to show off. "The point being, I think Hayama's level headed approach to life might rub off on you. Besides, there aren't a lot of kenjutsu masters that signed up for sensei-hood this time around."

"As if you hadn't selected him the second you noticed that I was going to graduate soon." I cocked an eyebrow at her. She simply wasn't one to leave things up to chance – not when it came to me. "And the fact that Jei _just so happens_ to be on Hayama-sensei's best friend's team..." Nee-san cracked a smile at that one. Yup, I had hit the nail on the head.

"Says the one that has been on over a hundred 'non-dates' with the boy." Came Ka-san's counter, and yes she did the 'air quotes' to make sure her blatant not-believing-my-claims came over properly. Nee-san giggled at my dilemma, knowing I would (and did) deny it anyway. "Ai-chan, everyone knows you like Jei. Everyone knows he likes you too. Is it wrong for me to... help... that along?"

I just rolled my eyes. If my guess was right, she'd been 'helping it along' since the very beginning. "Whatever you say, Ka-san. Hey, Nee-san, is that a mosquito bite on your neck?" When in doubt, divert!

* * *

I turned the final corner, bringing me to my destination in the heart of the Shinobi District. With every step I took, I wondered what possessed me to return here. The last time this house saw me was Ji-chan's wake.

My heart still ached each time I thought about Ji-chan, and with my training with Tenshi and Eda... well, I thought about him quite a bit.

I knocked on the door post, already loudly apologizing for the intrusion. "Good evening, sorry I took so... Ai-chan! Hey girl, how's it going?" Yun was one of the few that truly understood that I really liked it when people didn't talk any different to me than anyone else.

"Still wondering how I'll ever measure up to you and Tenten. Can I talk to the both of you? I have something of a plan and I need both your brains to iron it out." I was immediately shown in and offered tea – Eucalyptus tea, my favorite (it tastes great, combats the build up of slime in the throat and nose and does wonders for my skin and hair!).

"Ai-chan, please don't be shy to take off your socks if you want to." Yun pointed out, smiling at the deer in the headlights look she got from me. Normally you never take off your socks if you have them on. That was a privilege reserved for close family and only the best of friends!

"Seriously?" I had pointedly refused to let them walk around my home with socks on, but that was because of everything they and their family had done for me. I never anticipated reciprocation.

She nodded, **not** handing me a pair of house slippers lined up for guests. I couldn't help but blush at the implications. Leaving my geta and tabi neatly put away, we entered the sitting room – not the one reserved for guests, the one where their father was sitting down reading the newspaper and their mother was knitting... something.

In the more traditional homes there were two sitting rooms. One was for everyday use for the members of that home. It would be sparsely decorated, usually only have the absolute necessities. Sometimes it would have a family portrait, or the family crest or something with high emotional value. The family shrine would be in this room too, if no special and separate room was available. The other would be furnished with only the best seating, cushions, art and always with flowers arranged as properly and elegantly as possible. It was a firm belief that one's home was too humble to entertain guests, so this room was designed to offer an honored guest the best – as they deserved.

To be invited into the family sitting room, with no socks or house slippers on... was almost like being unofficially adopted into the family. "Good evening, Sengo-san." I bowed to both parents in turn – father, then mother.

"Ai-chan, good evening. It's nice to see you again." The lady of the house smiled warmly. I already noticed her checking to confirm my bare feet, and seeing as she only smiled wider... "Please, call me aunty." I couldn't help but notice the smile on Tenten's face when her father aped the request – to call him 'uncle', of course (calling him aunty would be rude even in jest).

Having my suspicions confirmed, I blushed a little deeper. "Of course, aunty." I barely got to ask anything – like what the hell was going on – before Yun came back with things for the tea. I got my favored tea, Yun and Tenten preferred cayenne and cinnamon – a weird combination to be sure. Sen... um, Aunty (fucking weird), decided to try the Eucalyptus, and Uncle preferred the more traditional Oolong tea. Normally there would be just one pot and everyone would drink from it, but it wasn't uncommon to break the mold when someone dropped in.

Once we were all settled in, I got down to business. "The thing is, I've been thinking about getting a tessen made. But I need something that is common looking so that it wouldn't attract too much attention even if I take it out in the middle of a restaurant. I also wanted something with a special trick to it too, but nothing you would be able to figure out by just looking at it. That's why I need your help, you know I'm helpless when it comes to designing weapons." Both girls were sipping their tea as they listened, but I could feel the curiosity from Aunty and Uncle as well. "One part of me is saying that it should have a mini senbon launcher, but I doubt I'd be able to have one made thin enough to hide it naturally. Another part is saying that I should just get a battle ready one made from titanium and paint it to look like lacquered wood."

I sipped at my tea, trying to focus my erratic thoughts. Why did I keep getting to excited about this? "I also red up on a few unique Tessenjutsu that would be really cool to learn, but they each need something altered on the tessen for it to work properly. I have no idea how to prioritize what to incorporate and what to leave out." I offered, hoping they had followed me thus far. I tended to get a bit scatterbrained when excited – as I've been _repeatedly_ told.

"It would be a challenge, that's for sure. But it sounds like fun to work on. What jutsu were you most interested in?" Tenten asked, though Yun looked like she was a fraction of a second behind her in asking the same thing.

I grabbed the scroll I had brought with me – it was a scroll I borrowed from the library, so showing its contents wouldn't mean anything. "The two that attract me most are based on fuuinjutsu. The trouble is that only one of them can be applied to any tessen – and yes it has to be a tessen, the gunsen is too flimsy and the dansen uchiwa is too stiff." The last two were other types of fans. The gunsen was basically a normal flick open fan warriors used to fan themselves – so it was strong enough to not break if hit, but not strong enough to survive any real fights. The dansen uchiwa was a static fan, so it was always open. It was also much larger and could be used to signal the troops and the like, but was too much like a pole arm for me to like it too much.

"This one," I tapped the first fuuin (a dummy fuuin, so it won't do anything if chakra was applied) on the scroll. "would allow me store chakra in the tessen like a battery. Then I can re-absorb it if I am running low or something. While this one," I rolled the scroll open a little further and revealed a fuuin somewhere in the middle. "would allow a chakra based attack, similar to a genjutsu but with more kick."

"..." All four of them were staring at me like I had just told them I had just walked on the moon. "Fuuinjutsu can do that?"

"Fuuinjutsu can do a lot of cool stuff. This is just what is within my capabilities. If I bugged Ka-san, I'm sure she could come up with even cooler fuuins." I explained – I was barely genin level with fuuinjutsu – I knew the basics, but had a long way to go. Ka-san was trained by her grandmother, Uzumaki Mito... so she was a _bit_ higher on the scale.

"What else did you come up with?" Yun was curious. Well, they all were, but she's the one that asked.

"Well, there was the tessen made up of explosive tags, that would be fun to toss at someone. Then there was a sealing fuuin that could be applied to someone and either lock up all their muscles so they couldn't move, or introduce a chakra based virus that would reduce the targets reserves to less than a percent." Every time I mentioned a new idea, their eyes widened just a little more. If they kept that up their eyeballs would fall out of their heads!

Maybe I _should_ have bugged Ka-san about this... they looked like they were going to pass out soon.

* * *

"Well, the mini senbon launcher sounds cool. I could bug Tou-san about that when I get home later. You know he loves a challenge like that!" Kouji was excited about having a new project to work on with his dad – and Daichi looked just as exited. I didn't tell them about the other cool stuff, just the stuff I knew they could work on.

"If at all possible, it needs to look like a rib from a tessen. That's what I'll be using it for." I explained.

"Girly _and_ deadly... I like it!" Kouji could be such a prick sometimes.

"Anyway, Sensei should be here soon. Are you guys ready?" I asked, getting nothing but nods in return.

"Too late. He's already here." Sensei joked – I think. He spoke evenly, calmly... a thorough monotone. If I didn't see the amusement in his eyes I might have thought he was a ANBU Root member.

"Let's get this show on the road. What are the objective?" I asked, already sizing him up. He stood a little taller today and he had what looked to be a baton strapped to his waist. No, scratch that... that was a sword. Kenjutsu master huh?

"What's the rush?" He asked, eying me.

"No rush." I shrugged, refusing to give him any leverage over me. Psychological warfare only works when you understand the inner workings of your opponent.

"Very well." Luckily I could read his chakra – something that Ka-san had me refine ever since she found out. He was impressed, obviously he wanted me to know what to reveal and what not to – or was I reading too much into it? "Something is hidden in this training ground." He looked around nonchalantly. "It's up to the three of you to find it."

I nodded, already combing through his words for a hidden meaning. He never said what kind of thing it was, who hid it or what it could be hidden in. He'd kept it vague. "Rules?" I asked, signaling for a tactical retreat – they'd wait on my mark to act.

"None. I will attack you. You may choose to attack, but come at with with intent to kill. You have until eight o'clock. Fail and it's back to the academy with you." He eyed us closely. The tension was building up – I was just waiting for some kind of sign. "Are you waiting for an invitation?"

I balled my right fist, and the three of us disappeared.

#

"Alright, sensei's main goal will be to test each of us individually, but he also wants to test us as a group. I say we each go at him one at a time for him to figure us out, then we regroup to get tactical. What do you think?" I looked at Kouji (who was picking his nose) and Daichi (who took that exact moment to take a leak).

"That sounds good to me. I get to kick some ass!" Kouji proclaimed, honestly believing he stood a chance. "Hey, Ai-chan... can I?" He was opening and closing his hands over and over again like he was grabbing something.

"Not this again. Come on, Kouji. You told me that _last_ time would be the **last** time!" I groused. He really needed to get his **own** pair!

"Yeah, Ai-chan. Please!" Daichi clapped his hands together over his now bowed head – a sign of begging.

"I swear, you two are incorrigible. Fine, but when this is over we are getting you both your own! You hear me?" I complained. They really were getting too fucking familiar with my shit! I flicked my right wrist, and unsealed the requested equipment – the trench knives for Kouji and the tonfa for Daichi. "You didn't wash your hands. Did you, Daichi?"

"Uhhhhhhh..."

"Nevermind, you can keep that pair... the last thing I need is tonfa with your piss all over them." Boys can be so fucking gross!

"Ai-chaaaaaan!" He complained. Great, he drained the lizard and started feeling up my weapons – which somehow ended up being my fault?

"Wait if I take a wizz I get these for free?" Kouji just had to-

He was already unzipping his pants turning towards a tree. "To think you'd risk your manhood over a blade. Oh well, I'll make sure your future girlfriends knows what really happened." Fucking goofball.

"Anyway, I'll go first, you guys try to study his reactions as best you can. See if there is something we can use for the next round." I dashed off ahead to where I knew the man would be.

* * *

I found sensei standing on the same spot he was when we retreated. He was looking at the spot Daichi was standing up at the time and though his face was without emotion, he was drowning in guilt...? Everything about him just **SCREAMED** heartache.

Was he missing a few screws? Either way, that little tidbit got store away for future reference. "There is no singular box or traditional container around here, is there." I was studying both his physical and emotional reaction. He barely reacted at all.

"Fishing for clues isn't going to help you." He intoned.

"Who said anything about fishing, just confirming a suspicion." He didn't look like he believed a word I said. So I continued to test his reaction further. "See, I believe that you are setting us up. Which is usually the case during these little tests. You give us a problem that we were meant to misunderstand. Then you test us in gen-, tai- and ninjutsu to see how we do and what our individual levels are. Then you test our teamwork synergy levels. After that you test for something personal. Something that says something about you and what you feel the team you lead needs." The color drained from his face – radiating shock.

"Yup, about what I figured. Now let's see, what could be the most important thing to you? What is this 'thing' that is hidden here." I tapped my finger against my chin, trying to answer my own question. "Not enough information. Oh well, I guess we'll just keep monitoring you until we figure it out." I unsealed my wakizashi, suddenly being hit with the perfect name – I'd only been wracking my brain for _days_. "Shinsei... the perfect name for the sword that marked a new beginning for me. 'New birth'... 'rebirth'... or perhaps the term 'nascent' is best for describing Shinsei. Or maybe just for me... Nascent literally means 'beginning to exist or develop'." Maybe that was it? Definition of words – he liked word games? He seemed amused with me, not sure if that was a good thing or not.

Either way, Shinsei finally had a name. I grasped the scabbard in my right hand, taking the pommel into my left. The best to begin with him was being defensive, even if it meant attacking defensively. No, I still didn't understand what 'attacking defensively' really meant, I just knew that it was called that.

He smirked at me, happy about something – don't ask me what. Then he unsheathed his sword... okay... was he curious about how good I was? Or maybe he was glad that he would have a student to teach his skills to? Something made him happy. Hmm.

Either way, he wasn't coming to me, so I dashed to him unleashing my fastest move – the Dragon's Claw. Dashing name, fast as fuck... but with a huge drawback! I had to overextend slightly to do it right... my arms were simply too short with this sword. Slight though it was, if anyone noticed they could take advantage of it and knock the sword out of my hand with ease.

Anyway, it was just a fancy name for a shotgun blast attack from the hip. It had a decent arc, but the reach was limited to the length of the sword. Why the hell was I analyzing my _own_ fucking attacks? I should have known them inside out by now!

I mentally shook my head, wondering why I had the time to have such a long internal monologue during a fucking fight... Some quirks don't ever go away.

Sensei tapped the tip of his sword – a long and thin sword might I add – right against my wrist, causing me to release Shinsei. Before it flew too far away though, I unwrapped my scroll and sealed both sword and sheath (that was the beauty of being able to seal things quickly). Then I unsealed Eda. Maybe I just needed a reach advantage with him?

I re-wrapped the scroll and took Eda into my left hand. Yes, I knew that sensei had plenty of opportunity to destroy the scroll if he wanted to – but I had hoped to catch him off guard. No, I wasn't going to give him the opportunity twice.

He smirked. "You overextended."

"I know. But my arms won't be this short forever." I countered, trying to stab him with the tip of my staff – it didn't have a sharp point, but a stab could still hurt if it landed. He leaned out of the way, tapping Eda with his sword to make sure I didn't have some trick to still hit him.

I didn't, but I did try to kick him in the shin for his trouble. Too bad he stepped away from it.

That's basically how the entire fight went. He would only hit me if I overextended, or if my form was off – which only happened once! Other than that, he would only dodge me. Well.. dodge, parry, sidestep, backpedal... he was good at frustrating the shit out of me!

"This isn't working!" I twisted Eda, letting it pop audibly. I held the middle firm while the top and the bottom fell limp, now hanging from a thick wire, ten centimeters long. I was able to take full advantage of the Eda in this form, because of the unpredictable flurry of motion that I had learned through the katas.

I don't know who came up with it, by the tornado like motions were effective as fuck! Dizzying, but effective. Still, it didn't matter – sensei had to put slightly more effort into it, but he was fending me off just the same.

"Impressive for one so young." He said, that smirk still pissing me off.

"I aim to please." I twisted Eda back together – there was quite a trick to it, but after training with it at least twenty minutes a day for over two years... it kinda just flowed along. I sealed Eda again, deciding to try my luck with hand to hand – which he didn't seem to mind. He sheathed his sword as well.

"Against a genin you would have won." He commented, tapping a punch off course.

"Against a chuunin I would have died." I tried sweeping his leg, but he just stepped over it. I was getting bored of these games, needed though they were. "Sensei, you aren't challenging me very much."

He smiled a little wider. "Stop holding back then."

"And give you a heads up for the team rounds? Nah!" Shit, I shouldn't have said that!

He started going on the offense – blocking instead of dodging, and he started hitting back! Fuck, no more chance to talk now! He aimed a punch at my chin, which I leaned to the left and tapped it off course. I countered with a knee aimed at his kidney, which he blocked with an elbow – which fucking hurt!

He shot a punch at me, which I tried to dodge. He still clipped the side of my head, giving me an instant headache. I bit back the pain, trying to kick the side of his knee to get him off balance. But he raised his foot and blocked my kick with his sole. Then he shoved my leg back, the shift in momentum setting me off balance.

I was getting tired, so there was little I could do to be effective. That didn't mean I was giving up though! "Your stamina could use some work. Still, you lasted longer than I anticipated. Take a nap, we still need to test your teammates."

I didn't know what he did, but the world went black instantaneously.

* * *

"_YAAA_!" I shot up, the feeling of ice cold water slamming into me. "**SENSEI!**" Sensei was watching me impassively – hell, he almost looked bored.

"So, Ai-chan decided to wake up to hear the results." He smirked at me. I just snarled in reply, noticing for the first time that the three of us were each tied to a tree.

"Sorry, Ai-chan. Neither of us managed to land so much as a hit." Koji probably thought I'd be upset with him.

"Even with your tonfa, all I could do was try to buy some time for you to wake up. But I messed that up too..." Daichi was even more downtrodden. He didn't have a lot of self confidence after his parents died, so everything that went bad seemed to be ten times worse in his eyes.

"Quit the complaining! We're not dead, so we will just have to figure our way out of this and try again!" I hated hearing them sound so defeated. It tore me up inside.

They didn't voice their complaints, but I felt them anyway. They thought he was too strong, too fast... they wanted to just give up. "So, you've noticed that I'm stronger. Is that why you wish to give up?" Sensei asked, his frown barely visible.

"We're not giving up! Never!" I shouted. "We've gone through too much together to let one man stand in the way of our dreams!" My words weren't reaching the guys. "Look, even if we fail this test. Even if we get sent back to the academy... it'll still be the three of us! We're not letting some stupid test ruin our team."

"Ai-chan, you don't get it. Sensei said that he could only pass two of us." Kouji said. So that's why he woke me up last. Slick.

"We've decided that I would go back." Daichi added. Oh. **Hell**. No!

"And you believed him? Look, it doesn't matter. Pass or fail, we are sticking together! There is no way I would let either of you take the fall for me to pass some stinking test! What the fuck is wrong with you?" I kicked both of them in their shins. Hard! "We're a team. Stop acting like a bunch of guys trying to protect the girl. I can take care of myself!"

They both just looked down and away – they knew how much I hated them going 'bodyguard' on me.

"Ai's right about that. She did better than both of you guys." Sensei added his two cents. "But it doesn't really matter. My decision was already final anyway."

Sink or swim. Did it matter? No. I would still be able to train either way, I would still drag these two dorks along with me – I was a geek, I could call them dorks if I wanted to! Before I knew what was happening, three kunai were thrown at the rope, cutting us loose. "None of you have found what is hidden here. You fail."

Both guys looked like they were going to cry. The started apologizing to me immediately about letting me down, and how it was all their fault. A whole bunch of worthless shit like that. "Kouji, Daichi. You really didn't hear a word I said. We failed this time, but we're not dead. The will of fire will not flicker out because we messed up." I hugged both of them, hoping they understood that it truly didn't bother me. "Now come on, we still need to get you guys suited up properly. That equipment you carry around is embarrassing."

"You're not mad?" Daichi tried smiling, but it looked a bit mutated to be honest.

"Furious! And that won't change until you take off that damn helmet of yours!" I countered, already sticking out my tongue to show I was pulling his leg. Well, mostly. That helmet irked me... "Anyway, Hayama-sensei. Maybe we'll bug you again next year." I waved at him, already dragging the boys with me.

"But you promised you wouldn't drag us shopping with you anymore!" Kouji complained.

I tisked. "Stop being a baby and come on!"

"Hey guys!" Sensei shouted over our bickering – no matter how much time we spend together, we still end up fighting like siblings. "Team practice starts at six tomorrow. I expect you to be there and ready to work hard."

"huh?" Smooth, Ai... real smooth.

"I'm saying that you passed every test I threw at you. Congratulations, Team 7. You passed!" He smiled at us. A real, eye twinkling, face morphing, honest to goodness smile.

"Sensei, you have one twisted sense of humor."

* * *

"Alright you guys, we need to get you some better uniforms to train and do missions in. Daichi already has his tonfa, and Kouji is not giving me those trench knives back. I think you should both get regular kunai. No explosive tags though. Mesh armor for under your clothes. And Daichi, what the hell is up with those sandals?" Tenten and Yun were already jumping up and down from joy – that was a green light for a complete makeover!

"Oh, and you guys are getting some better bows and quivers." I added. Daichi and Kouji were both damn good archers – I was the only one that sucked with the damn thing, but my slingshot made up for it. "You guys carry fuuin scrolls right? We're going to need four of those as well. And what state is your camping equipment in?"

The list just got longer and longer – I didn't mind, I got a family discount. (^-^) And I knew for a fact that the girls were enjoying themselves with playing dress up with the guys. Something about girls and makeovers... meh.

"Hey, Ai... did you want these two to get some lessons for those weapons?" Tenten asked. She was away on missions a lot, but she was still the most reliable sensei when it came to weapons.

"Think you can handle two at once?" We both laughed a bit – she had been teaching Yun and I at the same time for years.

"Oh, Ka-san wanted me to remind you that our stock of explosive tags was running low. Between you and me, I think Tou-san has been selling them in bulk to other outfitters." Yun rolled her eyes and nodded at her sister's words.

"Cool, I can have the last ones done by tonight. I'll swing by after dinner time with Kosuke-san." We kept chatting while the guys kept complaining. I don't know why, they could have joined the conversation.

Anyway, while they were busy with that, I started getting the camping stuff together and I was already eying the weapons section. It was amazing how much they expanded their market, they could now brag that they carried everything a shinobi needed! Business was good.

Once I had everything I needed, I itemized everything and started sealing them away for the guys. I still haven't gotten to blood seals and the like, but I could seal damn nearly anything. Maybe I'd start bugging Ka-san about that tonight. Either way, there was stuff to do! "Hey Yun, what time did you have to meet up with your team?"

"Around noon." Ah. That's why she hadn't asked if we passed.

* * *

"Welcome home, Ai-sama." Came the usual chorus. Even little Kimoko was started to call me 'Ai-sama'. No matter how much I begged Inaho to teach her to call me 'Ai-chan'. Fucking annoying!

"Hey Natori-san. You heading out for your shift?" Kohada's husband, Naroti, moved in with us like a year ago – just after they got married. He still worked in Konoha's Aviary though. Whatever, he liked his birds.

"No, I have the day off. I have a date with Kohada." He replied, a goofy smile on his face. A 'date' usually meant they would go to a hotel after and boink the hell out of each other. Those two were WAY too fucking loud!

"I'd say to enjoy, but that would mean admitting I know what's going on. So I'll just see you later." He didn't even catch the hidden meaning. His loss.

I made my way into the downstairs library – the one that officially existed – looking for Inaho. She was my partner in crime when it came to fuuinjutsu, other than Ka-san who was teaching us. "Inaho-chan, Aunty Sengo needs those explosive tags by tonight. What's the current count?"

"Hey, Ai-sama. Nice to see you too. My, you're home early. Did your test go well?" She had that smirk on her face again.

I just rolled my eyes. "Kimiko kept you up again last night." The smirk was a happy smile that she didn't have the energy for. And the blabbering was her brain saying that she was likely going to shut down any time now.

"I honestly don't know why that girl doesn't sleep through the night! She's four! Four year olds sleep through the night!" Okay... enough caffeine for you.

"Inaaaa, tag count?" I reminded her, kickstarting her brain for a few seconds.

"Nine seventy-four. I'm gonna go lay down." She got up, already heading for her room – only the family slept upstairs. Which sucked, because her room was right next to the honeymooners.

"You do that. I'll wake you up when it's dinner time!" I shook my head, wondering when she was going to start asking us for a little help. I mean come on! Fuki practically begs to watch Kimiko during the day, Kohada offers to let the little girl sleep in her room most nights. But Inaho stubbornly refuses to let anyone help. Hell, I rememeber a few times I begged her to let Kimi-chan sleep in my bed with me!

Stubborn. That's what Inaho was. I should know, we had that is common. Anyhoo! Nine hundred and seventy-four tags. That left a mere twenty-six for me to make. Piece of cake. I sat down going over the supplies Inaho was just working with, finding all the ink pots still closed and the brushes dry. Poor thing probably just stared out into space for an hour – she did that when she's really tired.

After this I needed to swing by Kouji's house to bug him and his dad about that senbon launcher. Well, that and I wanted to make sure they actually threw away all that old training equipment! Fucking collectors.

* * *

"Hey, Fuki-chaaan! I'm going out for a while. Kosuke's with me, so don't worry! I'll probably end up eating out for dinner too!" I announced, already slipping into my geta. Kosuke had the box of tags – which he knew to be careful with. Nothing more dangerous than a thousand explosive notes residing in a box small enough to carry!

I wanted to seal them all up in a scroll, but for some reason fuuins negate other fuuins. That simply didn't work, not with my level of know-how. "Alright, come home safe!" Came Fuki's reply. She was still a bitch most days, but I knew how to deal with her – threaten to tell Naruto all about it.

Well, either way, we had places to go and things to do. And just my luck, Jei was just getting back home as I slid the door shut. "Ai-chan! How'd you do?" He was smiling – but was clearly worn out, so he passed.

"Made it, but barely." I told him honestly. He confirmed that his team made it too – meaning that Hanabi's team had to have failed. I'd known that the other teams would fail – a sad but harsh reality when only three teams could pass.

"Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to celebrate with me and the team later. My treat." Yup, it was back to this again.

"Sure, why not." I shrugged. "But I had an appointment with Kouji's dad too, so we'd need somewhere private." Hmm, how much effort is a date (with me) worth (to you)?

"Not a problem. You know Ginkai's has those private booths upstairs and everyone likes the food there. I'd say that it would prove the perfect spot. What'ya think?" He didn't even blink. Okay, fine, he got a few points for that.

"That'd be perfect." I smiled. "I'm actually heading over to Kouji's just now. You wanna meet up at Ginkai's, or did you wanna come with?"

"'Just now'? That means you're making a delivery to the Sengo's first." He eyed the box. "Tags again? Didn't you deliver a box last week?" We had something of our own superstition: never mention the type of tags you were delivering, it's bad luck.

"Yup. Don't ask, I don't know." I shrugged. Yeah, Jei had been keeping something of an eye on me lately – not sure how I felt about that.

"Alright, well I can always meet you at Kouji's. I kinda need to take a shower first." Now that he was close enough for me to smell him... I had to agree.

"Nah, just meet me at Ginkai's. That way you can take your time." I grabbed a twig that decided it liked his hair. "It looks like you might need it."

* * *

"So basically it has to be hidden in the rib of a tessen I want made. The housing has to be as strong as the rest of the ribs, which I want made from titanium. The thing is that I am not sure what the motif is going to be, but if you need average and maximum measurements to have a basic idea..." I reached into my sleeve – no kimono has pockets, they have long sleeves you fold back that people USE as pockets... not the same thing – for a fan I kept on me for everyday use. "This is a standard fan. The fancier types can be about twice as wide and fifty percent longer. War fans can be a lot bigger, so it's not a complete flop if it has to be bigger."

"Hmm..." Akamon-san took the fan, checking it from all angles.

"You can take it if it helps. And yes I know that means you dissecting it." I offered him the fan, which he immediately started stripping down to the frame. "If you take out the main pin at the bottom, you can see the see the outer rib by itself. Sometimes it's thicker too – especially on the fancy models. Just try not to make it too thick if at all possible." He nodded, clearly already thinking about possibilities. He would probably end up bugging the hell out of Kouji over this – something the guys bragged about.

"What material for the projectile?" He asked.

I had no issue with expensive weapons, but expensive projectiles were pointless. "Think along the lines of a standard sowing needle or even the point of a thumbtack."

He hmm-ed again. "And you would want it to shoot from a hole around here?" He tapped the tip of the outer rib, furthest from the pin that held the fan together.

"That seems like the easiest spot if it's going to be accurate." He was already making notes on a notepad he brought with him. "But anyway, that's enough business. This is a celebration!"

Everyone cheered for that one. Kosuke-san, Kouji, Daichi and I sat on one side, while Jei, Ame and Matsuri were sitting across from us with Akamon-san sitting directly across from me. Choco and her mother were constantly bringing in food and tea – and some sake for the legal drinkers.

The air was light, even with Choco admitting that her team didn't stand a chance at passing the test. She didn't mind, seeing as she intended on working for her mother either way. Though it came over as an '_I'm fine... really._'.

Either way, it was none of my business. "Jei-kun! This was a really cool idea!" I announced, indirectly saying that this was all his idea and he therefore deserved all praise for it. Everyone kinda looked around nervously, wondering who would say something. "Thank you for inviting us."

"Yeah, Jei-kun. This is alright." Kouji enthused. Daichi and Akamon-san both nodded as well. Jei's own team seemed a little... distant though. I knew that Matsuri was at worst neutral to him, but Ame... he was an unknown. Ame only really stuck to Samo, Dango, Jin and a few other guys I didn't even know. A group that was known for kicking trouble with Jei.

"What do you think, Ame?" I asked him pointedly. If he tried to make Jei's life miserable I'd-

"If I had a problem with your boyfriend, we wouldn't have passed the test." He didn't. No. He couldn't _possibly_ be that **stupid**.

"Ame, how many times do I have to tell you that we are not dating." Jei said. You know that tone that you use when you've heard something so fucking often that it doesn't bother you, but you still need to say something about it? That exasperated, not-this-again tone?

"Sure you're not. Why would I think that?" He retorted. Oh, really?

"What Jei and I are is no one's business but our own." I glared daggers at him. "But to set the record straight: you are **not** to make his life _or_ his career difficult... Understood?" He was sweating from the amount of killer intent I focused on him. I'm not sure if he meeped out a yes, or if he just meeped.

"So, Jei-kun! How's it feel to be a big bad Konoha shinobi?"

* * *

Once I reached home, I was honestly glad to get out of my kimono. It was hot, sticky weather – I should have worn a Yukata, but I was being stubborn. It was simply to difficult to hide any weapons in a Yukata! And you can't just wear the outer layer of any kimono!

I scrubbed down, but didn't soak in the furo – it was too hot for that shit. I put on my usual house clothes, and went into the upstairs library. There were a few things I needed to confirm.

The majority of which only Ka-san could illuminate. "Hey... do you have a minute?"

She had been reading a scroll – on what I had no idea. "Sure." She rolled the scroll and tied it off properly. "What's on your mind?"

"Do you really think it was smart to put Am-"

"Sweeeetieeeee." She drawled in warning. "Both Jei and Ame are now Konoha Shinobi. As such they need to learn to work together to show they have what it takes."

"I knooooow." I sighed. "I had to try at least. But about the teams then... I know we are grouped together with a task in mind... what would be the tasks this year?" Maybe she'd be willing to-

"That is something you should discuss with your sensei." Maybe not. "But you already knew that a team's niche depends on how the members train, and not on what they were selected for. Didn't you?" That should have been obvious.

"..." I blushed.

"I merely select teams based on who can work best with who. Most often we stick to tradition, like the Ino-Shika-Chou, but it isn't always an option." She explained, folding her arms. She had something on her mind.

"Ka-san... what am I missing?" The sinking feeling in my gut wasn't really helping.

"Ai, there is a lot you need to start figuring out for yourself." She looked at me sternly.

"So if I assume that were are a first response cell, based on my tracking and iryou ninjutsu and Kouji and Daichi's teamwork, I won't be far off?" I wondered.

"Tactical response. Genin cells are never first response." She corrected. Wait, was she telling me what the team was meant to be, or simply correcting the idea that no genin is first response?

"So we're a-"

"Ask your sensei. Now what else did you want to know?" Correcting the idea, not informing me. Got it.

I had dozens of questions, but they were all related to things that she would want me to 'figure out on my own'. "Now that I'm a genin, can I start going to see the Chuunin Selection Exams? The next one is in Suna, isn't it?"

"No, the next one is being held here, after that is Kumo. Suna isn't hosting for another eighteen months." She smiled. "And yes, you can go. In fact, the first exam's already underway. Of course you have to discuss details with your sensei, he is your commanding officer now."

"So in a month and five days we're having the third round?" I had to stop myself from hopping around from joy! Ka-san never let me go to a single CSE. And the JSE was always done behind closed doors. What I wouldn't give to see jounin hopefuls battling for supremacy!

"That's right." She nodded. Ooooh. She had a secret! I can always smell when she has something up her sleeve.

"I'm guessing you'll tell me when the time is right?" I really needed to stop hopping around when I got excited about something.

She just rolled her eyes and patted my head – rather challenging seeing that I could barely sit still from excitement! "Time for little girls to go to bed, sweetie."

"Mouuuu!" I complained. "Ka-san shouldn't get me worked up just to hear 'go to bed'. It's illegal!" She laughed. She kissed my brow, telling me she loved me and I was officially shooed. "Hmph."

* * *

It was five forty in the morning. The sun was up, but everything was still sleeping. The squirrels, and rabbits and flowers... everything was sleeping. So why in the holy **hell** was I awake? I could have been hugging with my pillows, snuggling with my Tsu-Ba-chan (the doll of Ka-san that I simply got addicted to), or even just sleeping. Sleep could never be overrated! "G'morning, Ai-chan." Choco? What the hell was she doing here? I must have been sleepier than I first imagined.

"Umm... morning?" I had to beat my eyebrows down to make sure they didn't permanently move above my hairline.

"I know... I don't understand why I came here either." She sounded troubled, and uncertain. The look in her eyes was haunted, like she had missed something she didn't know she wanted.

"Choco-chan...?" I hated that look in her eyes. I truly hated it.

"We're friends, right Ai-chan?" Why was the cloud hanging over her getting darker? "And friends help each other right?"

"Usually." I cocked an eyebrow at her highly suspicious behavior. "Why don't you just tell me what you need and I'll tell you if I can help."

If possible, she seemed even more unsure now. "..." She whispered as softly as she could in my ear, using her hands to block any lip readers that may or may not be trying to listen in – and she mumbled too, just in case.

When I had heard her request, I fully understood her hesitance. If misunderstood it could be taken as...

"I'll be passing by Ginkai's later today. Think you can reserve a private table for me?" This could become interesting. I'd better check with Ka-san to make sure it didn't create a stink.

* * *

"Alright Team 7, welcome to our first team training. I will inform you of our training regimen. We start at six with warm ups. We do training from six thirty to eight. Cooldowns until eight fifteen, then break for breakfast. At nine we head for a mission, which shouldn't take us until later than twelve. At one we start training again until four, then we check if there is another mission available. If so, we do that then call it a day. If not, we train again until six. We will essentially be together twelve hours a day and we will be having breakfast and lunch together – dinner is optional, but not a must. Now let's get started." Hayama-sensei simply spoke of his intentions. He broke no arguments, or back chat. This was his team, so we had to play by his rules.

"**Hai, sensei."** We chorused. Not a whole lot of choice in the matter.

"Ai, you're too attached to your weapons. During morning training you are forbidden to use any of them. And more importantly you are forbidden to use more than one." I could feel my ears heating up from how pissed off I was.

"Sensei you ca-"

"You're too eclectic. It makes it hard for you to truly master anything. I don't want you to get killed because you choose to switch weapons during an actual fight. Effective or not, you must learn to take a disadvantage and turn it into an advantage." He explained, which I could understand. I just wasn't going to like it, at all! "Kouji and Daichi, you were good in hand to hand, but your weapon skills are sub par, so until I see improvement neither of you are allowed to train without them. Now enough talk, I want to see this warm up I hear you three prefer."

I sighed – already planning some way to get around his instructions. "Alright guys, you know the routine. Hop to!"

**End chapter 10**

* * *

_**A/N: Well, here is chapter 10. Don't worry, there won't be too much angst for a while. As promised, the genre has changed to Adventure/Drama. And far more important, the fun is going to start! **_

_**Keep an eye out for the next chapter which will be all about Jei/Ai (not coupled, but shameless fluff none the less), missions, training and Ai exacting her revenge on Hayama (who was the squad leader in the episode where Kosuke was introduced). As well, there will be some plot bunnies introduced. I hope you guys are looking forward to it too!**_

_**Naruto doesn't show up until after the CSE (Chuunin Selection Exams), so he's MIA for now. And Sasuke... hmm, what could be up with Emo-king? Stay tuned!**_

_**And if anyone is interested in Beta-ing for this story, please PM me.**_

_**(Note added 1-July-2012): There is a poll up! Those who want to have their as to what Senju Ai's second element will end up being can cast their vote on my profile page! The element won't be introduced for at least another ten chapters, but I wanted everyone to have ample time to get their two cents in!**_


	11. One plus one is?

**Cosmic Comedy**

**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**

**I want to send out some love for Elivira! She's a quick beta! I blinked and she was already done! Seriously, go Elivira go! Diego's got nothing on you :-3**

**Um, as well: there is a poll up to see what Ai's second element is going to be. Cast your vote if you want to have your say. It's on my profile page.**

* * *

"Alpha in position." Kouji announced.

"Beta in position." Daichi added.

"Gamma thinks you're both dorks." I shot them down, and threw paint brushes at them. "Now stop goofing off and get to work!" I ignored sensei's laughing.

"Mou! Ai-chaaaan!" I didn't care which one of them complained. This shit was bad enough without those two acting like fools!

"Pick up the slack! I'm not going to do all the work!" I warned, and I meant it too! There was no way in hell I was going to give them the motivation to do the work, only for me to fucking do it in the end!

I had given them some cock and bull story about this being a precursor to espionage or assassination. Don't ask how the hell I came up with that shit, it kind of just happened. Still, there was like seventy-five percent of the job left undone, and sensei wanted it done within the hour. Luckily it was just painting a fence or I would really have kicked both their asses!

Fucking lazy ass cockroaches, I swear!

* * *

Lunchtime found Team 7 in Ginkai's. Sensei wanted to go somewhere else, but I didn't give him a choice in the matter. As promised Choco had a private booth waiting for us. Shizune was there to act as Hokage-sama's right hand – I had given Ka-san a scroll with the request.

This was going to be fun. Hmmm was that sarcastic or not?

"Alright, now what is this really about?" Shizune had her arms crossed, eying us all at the same time.

I decided to deal with the formalities – no one else would know how to word it properly.

"I propose a... game." Never speak of the matter directly, never admit to anything. Speak in code and maintain plausible deniability. I just said the same thing twice... wonderful.

"One genin team, with sensei playing the mole, versus one ANBU team. We play the double agents, gathering intel from our contacts, while the ANBU try to catch us in the act." If anyone asks anything stupid, it was just a game, right? Kids play games all the time. Hell, we could even peg it up to training. Either way there would be no political backlash.

"And what would be the point of this... game?" Nee-san understood, I could see it in her eyes.

I spoke a little louder. "I know that it's the lunch rush, Choco! But we are paying customers too you know. Besides, we are regulars always leave a healthy tip and we are taking a private booth. I'm sure your mom would understand if you can't help as much this one time!" The chakra signature stopped moving. I sensed both happiness and regret from just down the hall, doing a very odd dance in that one signature. Then it retreated.

"We're ninja, we don't play by the rules." I smiled at Nee-san, offering her a scroll with two kanji on it: Love and Fire. I had just enough time to write everything down while Kouji and Daichi were sparring.

Both Nee-san and sensei were looking at me a little closer. Yeah, I was capable of this the whole time. Bask in my bullshit!

"So, who wants to order dessert?"

* * *

After lunch, and the required half hour to rest, we were back in our training ground. We officially had one mission under our belt – hooray. Now we just had to suffer through about five more hours of training and we could call it a day.

"Alright. Ai, you need to pick one weapon to train with. Choose wisely. I won't tolerate switching without permission." Sensei decided to be a prick. He was going to get his though. Count on it.

"Fine." I unsealed Tenshi with umbrella. The fun thing about this form was that there was an extra sleeve that covered up to the pommel. That really gave Tenshi the perfect camouflage, so you never saw it coming. Sensei just eyed me a little closer. He knew that there was more to my umbrella, but he couldn't tell what. If only he knew. (^-^)

"Good, now we spar." He said, motioning for Kouji and Daichi to step back. I could tell he was weary of me since Ginkai's. After all, my profile would have said nothing about espionage or infiltration – and those comments to the guys earlier hadn't helped. Technically that would be correct, but I was not the top kunoichi of my year for nothing – no one knew how hard it was to surpass Hanabi in that respect. She could still wipe the floor with me in a one on one match though. Kinda makes one wonder why I was the top dog then...

I stood at ease, holding my umbrella like a lady would in the street – by the handle with the umbrella hanging upside down. I was wearing my training clothes though, so the effect was less potent than I would have liked. I briefly wondered how comfortable a Komon would be to fight in, before dashing at sensei to start our match.

He seemed to have some inkling as to what an umbrella could hide, seeing as he deflected my first attack with his sword in its sheath. It really looked like a baton like that – effective. And it gave me an idea that Yun would **love **to hear!

Anyway, back to the task at hand. He came at me with a jab at my gut, which I staved off. I countered with a kick to his knee, he sidestepped, we went back and forward with attacks, parries and counterattacks. It wasn't hard to notice that he kicked it up a notch every five attacks – he was trying to find out how far I could take it. He needed to know my limit.

Ha! Like I would offer something so vital! Nope, I kept Tenshi sheathed. I was only using the umbrella itself to attack and defend. I might have changed my mind if we were sparring in the dojo at home, but not out here in the open.

If Sasuke, or any other retarded fuckcicle ever found out what Tenshi could do... I would need to be very wary of weapon hunters.

"Ai." Sensei blocked my attack, forcing me to stop moving entirely. "You need to stop holding back. Your teammates need to know what you are capable of if we are to work together seamlessly."

"Then I would advise weapon trainings in a less public domain." I told him, giving my umbrella a good shove to give myself so breathing room. He didn't step back much, but it was enough to backpedal to keep out of its reach.

I never did understand why people would _want _to train out in the open like this.

* * *

"Alright Team 7, time for your second mission." Iruka-sensei said. We were once again in front of Ka-san and Iruka-sensei. I never could understand how he managed to teach a class and help handing out missions like that. Maybe it was a shadow clone?

"This mission might take a little longer than your first one, but I think you can complete it quickly none-the-less." Iruka said, handing Ka-san a scroll, which she red. She nodded, rolled and tied the scroll before tossing it to sensei.

Ka-san smiled at me – something she certainly didn't usually do when in Hokage-mode. What could I do but smile back? Well, this was going to be interesting none the less. We all bowed and left.

#

"What's the mission?" I asked sensei once we were outside the Tower.

"Well, maybe you should read this for yourself." He tossed me the scroll, smiling from ear to ear.

The scroll had four words scribbled on it: Let the games begin!

That's all I needed to know. "Daichi, Kouji. We've got work to do." I handed sensei the scroll and simply walked away. I didn't look back, I didn't wave. Nothing. They would know what to do. And they certainly wouldn't let me down. Let the games begin indeed!

* * *

I barely made it to the market before I felt someone leering at me. It didn't matter, because his vantage point wouldn't reveal what he needed to see. Still, it was impressive that he could conceal his presence that well.

It was incredible what Saru-ji-chan had taught me over the last two years. Sure, we started off with just that one training trip when Naruto-nii left, but it didn't end there. He was never allowed to teach me any jutsu – Ka-san simply refused for me to start learning anything that she didn't personally greenlight. Seeing that she wasn't happy with my learning so many weapons, I could only guess that she was the mastermind behind the 'master one before moving on' orders from sensei.

I saw a sweets stand on the corner, where Hibari would sometimes help her parents after school. She was likely to work there full-time until her fate was decided. "Hey, Hibari-chan, How's things?" I greeted her.

"Can't complain, you know me. Hey, did you want to try a bonbon? We just got in a whole shipment from the Land of Hot Water." She handed me one on a tray – which she held with both hands, as per custom. I grabbed it, taking a bite.

"Mmm." Chocolate and brandy on the outside, with a creamy white wine filling. It should technically be illegal for me, but I didn't care. It was yummy. And she didn't _sell_ it to me! Ha!

"Your Ka-san knows where to get the best sweets, Hibari!" I praised, taking another bite.

"Tell me about it. You should have been here last week when we got those rock candies from Suna. Those were sold out within hours of advertizing!"

We made small chat for a bit before a paying customer came. That was my cue to go about my business.

#

I took a right down a side alley. Then a left back onto the main street, where Ino's family flower shop was. Ino was on me from the second I entered.

"Ai, you've got to help me! I have a date with Sasuke-kun later and I have nothing to wear!" I rolled my eyes, wondering what that had to do with me.

"Is Futaba here, Ino?" I asked, refusing to so much as comment on her having a date with... You know what, I wasn't even going to waste my time thinking about him.

"Sure, she's in the back. I'll go call her." She seemed a bit put out that I blew her off like that. Not like I cared. She was the fashion horse, not me.

"A-ai-chan!" Futaba came out, glomping me. She still stuttered most of the time, but she always had a warm greeting.

"Hey ladybug. What've you been up to?" I asked, hugging her back. We exchanged some small talk as well, until Ino's mom came in and told her to get back to work – she had the biggest smile on her face though.

"Alright, Aunty." Futaba waved at me before disappearing through the door.

#

After leaving the flower shop, I headed towards the Shinobi Outfitters Store. Yun was stuck behind the counter, a miserable look on her face. She loved working in her family's store, of that there was no doubt. But I knew she wanted more.

"Ai-chan! Welcome, welcome." She started smiling ear to ear the second she spotted me.

"Hey, girl. How's it been?" I asked, trying to smile as best I could. Her not making the cut hurt. There was little I could do about it though.

"This place has been pretty dead really. Tou-san's been working me pretty hard too. I'm actually grateful I can just sit here for a bit." Uncle had her working the anvil right along him these days (it had been a week since actual graduation, and he had started her that very afternoon). She only got to mind the shop when Tenten was out on a mission. Hard work, no doubt, and Uncle had no sons to teach the family craft to, so he treated Yun like the next best thing. And that meant just that – she was a backup plan.

"Well, I'm sure things will get more lively soon. You know the Chuunin exams are going on. So the festival is coming up!" She perked up a bit. Neither of us had ever gone to the main event, because we had school that day. That **always **bugged the hell out of us!

"True, true." She was smiling a little – better than nothing.

"Oh, Ka-san wanted me to give you this as a thank you for always delivering on time." She unrolled a scroll on the counter that separated us.

"It's the schematics for a ten rib tessen. The measurements are scalable, but this should give you at least a basic idea of what you will need when the time comes." On the scroll was the picture of the perfect tessen, with all dimensions and angles already described in minute detail.

"It's perfect, Yun. Thank you!" I rolled up the scroll, smiling just a little broader as I tied it off properly.

"I gotta go though. Will you be coming over tonight for training?"

"I'll be there! Make sure Kouji and Daichi are there too. Tenten would have a fit if I left her newest students out in the cold." I promised they'd be there, and headed out again. Just one more to go.

#

I was more or less a block away from Ginkai's when I felt the ANBU tailing me start to panic. The game was drawing to a close, and he likely hadn't spotted one false move yet. What did he expect? We had perfected this under Iruka-sensei's watchful eye! As hard as it was to get away with, we always managed. Never underestimate a kunoichi that enjoys a good juicy story during class.

Anyway, his problem not mine. I took my final right and headed right through Ginkai's front door were Choco was waiting for me, like always. She showed me to my seat and made a beeline to the kitchen for my tea. Restaurant employees were taught to be as efficient as humanly possible, so there was nothing out of the ordinary going on.

I smiled when she set the tea in front of me, drank, placed some money on the table – including a healthy tip. After that I smiled again and left. My final destination was the tower – Ka-san's office specifically.

I had to bite back a smirk when I felt the ANBU's sense of dread wash over me. It had gone off without a hitch... I hoped.

* * *

"Hey guys, mission go well?" I asked Kouji and Daichi the second I entered the office. They were smiling from ear to ear.

From off in one corner I felt three gazes centered on us. "Well, time for a little show and tell." Ka-san had half her face covered by her folded hands. It was a habit of hers, I guess you could say.

"Cool, I'll go first." I offered. I took out four small pieces of paper, which I started unfolding immediately. "Hmm, 'Being a', 'Gopher', 'Is not', 'Fun'." I read all four out loud in the proper order. The ANBU that was trailing me was shocked. I turned to face him – seeing only an empty and dark corner. I smirked anyway. "You guys shouldn't underestimate your opponents." I went back into the lineup.

Kouji followed, unfolding similar papers to what I had. "Let's see, 'They'll', 'Never take', 'Us', 'Alive! Dammit!'" Another completely shocked response from the same corner, but a different source.

Daichi's turn. "Hmm, 'Do you', 'Think Ai', 'Is hot', 'Or stuck up?'" Someone was going to die, or at least when I figured out who wrote _that_ damn code, _then _someone was going to die.

I ignored the last ANBU's reaction that time. "I dunno, I'd sooner say neither." Kouji opined when Daichi was standing next to him again. Those two goofs probably didn't see me as a girl half the time – usually only remembering it when it came down to survival or some other base instinct.

"Well look at that. A team of wet behind the ear genin worked together with Academy students and outwitted a team of ANBU." Ka-san observed dryly. "If they had been actual spies, who knows what they could have circulated."

"Which was I've been trying to point out. Information isn't always difficult to sneak out. All you have to do is have a solid team backing you up and no one would be the wiser." I smiled a little wider. "So I take it that you accept that we won?"

"Hold on. I would still like to know how it is you managed to mask your movements so well." Ka-san announced, probably to see where the ANBU needed better training.

"Well, let's see. With Hibari the note was under the bonbon wrapper. Futaba placed her note in my pocket during our hug. Yun placed it in a small fuuin on the reverse side of the scroll she gave me. And Choco hid hers under my tea cup in Ginkai's. The same principle could be applied to fuuins placed on small pieces of paper to move things around pretty easily. And don't worry, the ANBU tracked us well enough. There was literally nothing they could do to stop us, short of taking us in for questioning. Trouble is, you usually don't know details like that in advance. And even then, our code wouldn't be easy to break. Iruka-sensei has been trying for over a year."

"Heh, the guys all got into fights with us, shoving notes in our pockets or in our shoes. We had to go to the bathroom first to get all of them sorted." Kouji announced, clearly pleased with himself. No wonder how they beat me back here. No one would even look up at a bunch of kids getting into a brawl so soon after the GSE – especially when two of those boys were wearing forehead protectors.

"I got one in my ear. That took a while to fish out." Daichi explained, rubbing the back of his head.

"Well, that explains it. You used the expected to mask the unexpected." Ka-san was smiling from ear to ear. That was textbook infiltration. "Fine. You start right after the CSE. That should give me enough time to arrange everything you will need." That was a stalling tactic if I ever saw one. Still, she could have just backed out completely.

"Well, we'll just call it a day then. See you at home, Ka-san."

* * *

"Jeez, fucking rain!" I complained. Why didn't it rain on my day off? No, couldn't have that. Instead it rained all day during training, during our missions. Nothing but rain. It was even so bad that my umbrella couldn't keep me dry. I was mostly still holding it up to show that I was still trying.

"I know right," Matsuri complained. "This is above and beyond troublesome!" We had a joint training, so Teams 7 and 8 were doing some group sparring against each other. I don't know who won, I just know that I was drenched and muddy and there were more things sticking to me that I cared to identify.

"Anyway, this is my limit for today. I'm outta here guys!" I shouted that last part so everyone could hear me above the thundering rain. No there was no thunder, the rain was just so fucking loud that you couldn't hear yourself think!

I was already walking toward where I had to go, not caring what anyone had to say about it. I needed to get out of these wet ass clothes to not catch a chill.

"Ai, hold up! I'll walk you home!" Please let that be Kouji! Please let that be Daichi! I turned to see Jei jogging to catch up. The others were just looking at me, smiling knowingly.

Shit.

It was raining too loud to talk much, so we just walked together. Through a few shopping streets, down some side alleys. I was giggling the whole time – must have come down with something. Maybe Dengue.

"Jei! Hold up!" I shouted to him. The rain seemed to be coming down even harder now, and I was hoping to wait out the worst of it under an awning.

"It's not going to stop raining anytime soon! We might as well just keep going!" He was looking at me from head to toe – obviously not happy with what he saw. "We better keep moving! You're freezing!" I didn't want to keep moving, I just wanted to lay down.

"If we wait for five minutes, the rain might let up a bit!" I tried. My legs were shaking, so it was hard to keep up the pace, and I think he was starting to notice that.

"Let me carry you!" He shouted, still not sure if I could hear him over the rain. I was already shaking my head, no. I could carry my own weight!

"You're shivering, Ai! We need to get you inside and out of those clothes now! Please, forget your damn pride just this once!" My head was still shaking from side to side. Rain be damned, I could walk!

He had other ideas though. He closed my umbrella and literally swept me off my feet, carrying me bridal style. He somehow managed to keep his footing in the muddy streets, going faster than I would normally be able to keep up with.

All I could see was the concentration on his face. All I could hear was his breathing – even and steady. Something made me close my eyes, probably a cat sized raindrop, which kicked my sense of smell up a notch. I couldn't smell his perspiration anymore, it had washed away in the rain. All I could smell was... I dunno... something. Something uniquely Jei. I snuggled closer to him, trying to identify what it was.

I stayed like that for a while. A long while. Just don't tell him that – my story was that I fell asleep!

"Hey, we're here." No we're not. We're not anywhere.

"Ai, you need to go inside to warm up." I was warm. Toasty. Tropical even.

"I don't want you getting sick." He started putting me down, but my arms wouldn't let go of his neck, so I ended up dangling until he leaned forward enough for my feet to touch the ground.

I didn't want to let go of him. I refused to!

"Ai, you need to go inside and take a long warm soak, before someone opens that door and kills me. Like your mom. She's scary. And she can get away with it." Still not letting go.

"I'll take you to dinner if you do." Tempting. Tempting. "I'll even throw in a movie after if you go now."

"Fine." If it wasn't for that movie I really wanted to see he was out of luck. I let him go, albeit reluctantly.

"Thanks for... taking me home." I wanted to say 'walking', but he carried me most of the way. Training ground eight was clear across the village from here.

"No problem." Those golden eyes of his. Those damnable golden eyes. Why couldn't I look away? I needed to go inside right... to... do something? I didn't know what that something was, but he'd made a big deal about it.

"You know... even when you look like a wet dog-" I swatted him for that. Or tried to – he caught my hand and placed it on his cheek. He then leaned in, dangerously close to me. I could feel his warm breath against my cold, clammy skin.

"You still look beautiful."

Before I could even register what he'd said, he kissed my cheek, knocked on the door frame loudly and took off into the rain.

Inaho opened the door seconds later, to find me with the deepest, hottest blush I'd ever felt and one hand on the cheek I'd just been kissed on. It was impossible to explain, so I just ran inside instead.

* * *

"Good morning, sproutlings." Hayama-sensei's gotten in the habit of calling us that. Some weird reference to young plants, or young leaves. Or just reminding us that we were the green kids on the block. Some stupid shit like that. "Today we do something different, and if you impress me, I have a special gift for you." He threw a kunai to land and inch in front of each of us.

"Tree climbing?" I asked, unimpressed. His eyes narrowed for a fraction of a second.

"Forwards, backwards or on my hands?"

"I take it you've done this before?" He wondered. Gee, ya think?

"Yeah. It's one of the first things Sandaime-sama taught me. And yes, I taught the guys too." I informed him. Who did he take me for?

"But we can always just prove it if you want." He nodded, dunno if that was a dumb nod to say he heard us, or an intelligent one to ask us to prove it.

"Alright boys, pick a tree and we go nice and easy. No slacking!"

We left the kunai where they stood, each picking their own tree. I walked up to mine, placing a foot against its bark. I applied chakra to said foot and made sure to pull it back to test how well it stuck. After that, it was one foot in front of the other – trying to ignore my sense of balance telling me that some shit was off. Walking up a vertical surface was not something my inner ear was designed to like.

When I reached the top of the tree I jumped off backwards, did a somersault and did a three point landing. "Sufficient?" I wondered.

"More than. What of water walking?" He asked curiously. The boys both landed nearby, smirking at his words. I was no slouch in my training or theirs. Anything I knew to do, I at least tried my hand in.

"If there was a body of water I'd show you that too. But yes, we are capable. I'm sure you could tell that we cannot do either like it was the most natural thing in the world, but we do it well enough." I admitted. "I think our files are outdated."

"That they are. Very well, did you test for elemental affinity then?" He's taking it in stride. I had to take off my hat to him for that if nothing else.

"I'm Suiton, but I didn't know enough to hope to help others. So no, I didn't test them yet." There was little point in lying about that. Who would I ask to train them? I was already begging favors for the trainings we were already getting.

"Good to know something was left for me." Was he being sarcastic? The kami-sama had better be writing this down, because this was a miracle! He walked over to us, handed the guys a chakra paper and instructed them to focus some chakra into it.

I felt like humming that annoying music from Jepardy was appropriate, so I did. Dun-nun-nun-nun dun-nun-Nun. Daichi's paper turned to dust, while Kouji's turned to ash – my nostrils were filled with the smell of burnt paper.

"Earth and Fire." Sensei intoned. "And here I was hoping someone would have a Wind affinity." Huh? I thought only Asuma had a wind affinity around here.

"Are you a Futon user?" I asked him, knowing that Naruto-nii was as well. I could introduce them the second he showed up.

"Primarily. My second is Raiton, third is Doton. I can only help Daichi with his training." He explained, as bashful as I've ever heard him.

"Sensei, that's awesome!" I gushed. "Together we have all five elements!"

"True, but it means I will have to call in some favors. Tekuno can help Kouji with Katon, but I know no one that owes me a favor that can-"

Before he stuck his foot in his mouth, I made a tiger seal. I focused my chakra in my stomach, feeling it churn. Before he could made some dumb ass assumption, I shot a water bullet right over his left shoulder. He didn't bother to finish his sentence after that.

"Suiton is a defined Senju trait."

"Oi! Oyabun, you ready for me?" Oyabun meant boss, but usually in a gangster type way – a nickname Tekuno-sensei gave Hayama-sensei. They both claimed it was because of sensei's calm demeanor, but I didn't buy it for a second. There was a backstory to it.

"Tekuno, right on time as always." Sensei nodded to Team 8, looking at us expectantly. We greeted them as well, though I was a bit shy about it. Jei's words were still fresh in my mind from yesterday.

"How far are yours?"

"Jei and Matsuri have already done tree climbing and water walking. I just need to deal with Ame. I figured I shouldn't keep them back though." Tekuno-sensei explained. Yeah, I got to them too. Sorry, they asked.

"Elements?" Wow, we must have graduated from sproutlings to fresh meat.

"He's Raiton, she's Katon. I tested Ame as well, he's Suiton."

"Alright. I'll take Jei and Daichi then. You can take Matsuri and Kouji – they share their element. Then Ai can take Ame and teach him to not kill himself on a tree." Sensei's got a twisted sense of humor. Really he does.

"What about Ai? Did she-"

"Who do you think taught her friends how to tree walk?" Oh, **now **he acts like he saw it coming!

Tekuno whistled low. "Should have seen that one coming." He was being honest at least. Prick.

"True." Hayama-sensei is such a prick. Really.

"Now before we get started let me point out that elemental training could take years. Which is why I want to start you out as early as possible." Blah, blah, blah.

"Ame, grab that kunai and try not to drop on your head."

* * *

By the end of the morning session Ame wasn't even close to being halfway up the tree. Well, honestly he wasn't all that bad – it took me a month and a half to reach the top the first time. We all decided to call it a session (sensei wouldn't let us call it a day for at least another nine hours) and head to breakfast.

"We're not going to Ginkai's." Sensei announced. Did he suddenly have something against our spot? "We're going to Ichiraku's."

"You horndog, did you ask-" The sentence was cut short by an elbow to Tekuno's ribs.

"So who's coming? There are only six seats and eight of us." Matsuri and I glanced at each other – neither of us missed the exchange.

"**Coming!" **We shouted, both raising a hand excitedly. There was romance in the air, we just knew it!

"I'm staying here! I'm not giving up until I reach the top!" Ame declared. Well, good luck with that.

"Ame, it took each of us a month or more to get it right. Don't feel left bad because we had a head start." I tried, knowing in advance it would be pointless. I wasn't surprised when he dashed for the same tree, completely ignoring my advice. He was Tekuno's problem.

"Got to give him credit. He's got spunk." Tekuno-sensei waved for us to go on ahead. That meant exactly six. I had never seen Hayama-sensei go goofy, so there was no way I was missing it!

#

When we made it to Ichiraku's, all six stools were empty. A rare and exciting feat. We claimed all six before anyone had a hope in hell to impede our romance crusade. I noticed that sensei took the seat farthest to the right – an easy getaway.

"Welcome to Ichiraku's!" Ayame-nee-san welcomed us. Hmm, Ayame, Hayama. Was it as simple as that? Well, Jei and Ai could both be letters of the English alphabet... but was it about that?

I was something of a romance sap these days. I also believed that fate brought people together for reasons we couldn't fathom. But I didn't honestly believe it was something that simplistic. Anyway, to the sappy stuff.

Sensei seemed nervous. Not like sweating nervous, or stuttering nervous. More like... couldn't get more than three words out nervous. "Ah, Hayama-san. Are you here with your team?" Ayame studied the other five seats that were now occupied. "Ai-chan, are you here as well?" I noticed that her eyes were a bit... foggier than usual.

"~Haaaaaai.~" I bit my lip to stop myself from giggling overtly – she had flicked her eyes back to Hayama-sensei almost immediately. "Kouji, Daichi and I are on Hayama-sense's team. Jei, Matsuri and a kid named Ame are on Tekuno's team."

"I see." She claimed, but I was willing to bet she didn't even hear me.

"Ayame! Get out of the clouds and start taking orders!" Teuchi-san shouted, earning a glare from Matsuri and I. He ignored it though.

"I... uh... sorry." She bowed, embarrassed.

"Don't even worry about it, Ayame-nee-san. You know what I want." I said, offering an understanding smile.

"Give me the regular too." Kouji was clueless. Typical.

"Same here!" Daichi... surprise, surprise, was clueless too.

"I'll have what she's having." Matsuri at least understood. Why were guys so damn clueless?

"I think I'll go for the seafood ramen with the house blend tea." Jei... seemed to understand a bit, but not much.

Gears were turning, a plan already being plotted out. This was going to be interesting. It might not be a _bad _revenge on sensei, but it might mellow him out a bit to make him more human.

* * *

Once breakfast was done, it was time for our mission. We reported to the missions office – something of a large open room where everyone could just walk in.- Ka-san was behind the desk with Iruka-sensei once again. It had to be shadow clones or something. It had to be! How else would either of them be as productive as they were?

I really needed to learn that jutsu!

"Team 7 reporting for duty!" We stood at attention once again. It had been like this all week.

"Ah, let's see what we have this time." Iruka-sensei was perusing the selection of D-class missions. I tuned him out – poor guy.

"By the way, Ai, you're team has been requested in aiding some of the rookie ANBU for little games like we played on Monday." Ka-san smiled at me, obviously pleased that we had outwitted them so easily. Personally, I pegged it on not showing up the Hokage's daughter. The pricks.

"If they'll have us and will pay accordingly, I see no reason why sensei would turn it down." Political translation: I don't give a rat's ass. Grandstanding to kiss your boss's ass is not a good way to make friends with me. At least their little act got me what I wanted in the first place.

"Ah, here we go. It seems that Team 7 has been requested for a babysitting mission in the Kaminari home." Iruka-sensei informed us. He offered the scroll to Ka-san, who red it, rolled it, tied it and pelted it at sensei.

"Itsuko-san said that she wanted you specifically, Ai-chan." Ka-san smiled just a little brighter than she usually would. Oh boy, it looked like the match maker duo was at it again. But first...

"Just one problem." I made a Ram seal, blocking all chakra to my brain temporarily. The colors of the room faded, swirling and mixing unnaturally. Then it all faded back to reveal two masked ANBU operatives. "It was cute at first, but you guys really suck at mimicking the finer motions of people you didn't study in depth. As well, you negated the fact that I know Ka-san's schedule – she has a meeting with the council right now. She always gets a tick mark permanently etched between her eyebrows on meeting days, even her clones have that. As well, Iruka-sensei doesn't have the chakra capacity for a shadow clone, and I know he's teaching his new class right now. He might be here for the afternoon mission duty, but not the morning. Dipshits."

"..." They both had nothing but shock emitting in their aura.

"Oh, and Ka-san only calls me 'Ai' in meetings like this. 'Ai-chan', 'baby' or 'sweetie' is when she's off duty and usually only in private. Details are important, get them right." I offered a two finger salute – it was better than flipping the bird at them – and we were outta there.

"I expect C-class pay for me and my team for this!" Should I have mentioned that they messed up mimicking Ka-san and Iruka's chakra signatures? Nah. A girl's gotta have some secrets. :-3

* * *

We made it to the Senju Disctrict in record time. The guards there knew us, so we weren't stopped. Yeah, Ka-san'd been busy over the last two years.

"Aunty Itsuko!" I knocked loudly on the doorpost. It was nine thirty, so the kids weren't going to be napping. Three familiar signatures made their way to the door – one was happy, one excited, the other seemed resigned to fate.

"Ai-chan, right on time. Come on, I wanted to take the kids to the park." Aunty Itsuko was dressed up in her usual sundress. Well, usual for summer time. She had pretty much demanded I call her 'aunty' like a year ago, when Sango called my name. Her first word was MY name! That made me family as far as any of them were concerned.

It shouldn't have been surprising really, seeing that Michiko said my name in every other sentence.

Shaking my head to get back to the present, I noticed that Sango and Michiko were wearing matching dresses, and the brightest smiles I'd seen in weeks! "I dunno, Aunty. It doesn't look like the girls feel like going to the park today." I teased, tapping my finger against my chin.

"Nee-chaaaaan!" Michiko grabbed my leg, batting her eyes at me. How could I not giggle at the puppy eyes she was giving me. And Sango, never one to be left out, grabbed my other leg aping her big sister. "Can-we-can-we-can-we-can-we... pleeeeeeeeez!"

"Peeeez!" Came the little parrot.

"Alright. But just because you listen to your Ka-chan so well."

#

Once we got to the park, we organized everyone to have their own task. Aunty Itsuko wanted me to 'guard' her. Daichi went to play with Michiko – she found his helmet (cute) funny, so she wouldn't go with Kouji. And Sango was riding Kouji like a horsey – her words, not mine.

Sensei sensed that aunty wanted to speak to me privately, but he kept close enough to make a difference should it be needed. There was a reason she needed us to babysit in the park, after all.

"Such a lovely day, don't you think? Not a cloud in the sky." That was her way of saying: I have no idea how to even begin this conversation. Clearly she was the 'resigned to fate' signature from earlier (it was a little hard to recognize the emotion and the signature at the same time).

I just smiled at her, though I kept my eyes trained on her girls. "They're getting so big. I can't believe Sango is turning three in a few months. Wasn't she born just the other day?"

"..." Her nose was facing where the girls were playing, but her mind was everywhere else.

"And Michiko is getting cuter each day. She keeps asking me when I'm going to marry Jei though, no matter how often I tell her I'm to young for that." That seemed to jumpstart her brain.

"Ai, I have... something of a favor to ask you." I sighed, knowing where this was going.

"The Chuunin exams are being held in Kumo in seven months."

"You want me to go with Jei." My eyes glazed over. I just knew there was a hidden plot in there somewhere.

"Raikage-sama wants Jei to choose his bride soon." She explained. I sighed.

"And my accompanying Jei will give you the breathing room you need?" I wondered at that. It wasn't likely, but not impossible either.

"Something like that."

"Aunty, I'm a big girl now. You can stop hiding behind the pretty lies." I smiled, but there was no life in it. I knew where this was going – which is why I'd been so careful to never come over as romantically involved with him.

"Tradition in the Kaminari clan states that Jei must be wed on his sixteenth birthday. As such his bride must be selected and preened for that day. Ordinarily she would be chosen the day he was born, or at worst the day she was born."

No matter how matter of factly she tried to sound, sadness radiated off her.

"Due to... circumstances, that was not possible in Kumo. Which-"

"Aunty, this is all very fascinating, but I prefer the abridged version." I despised rambling. It meant that there was no nice way to say something, so the person just wanted to bury it in facts and hoped it sounded pretty.

"The problem is that Iwa has offered not one, but ten brides for him to choose from. All from respectable clans in their village, several from the Tsuchikage's own clan. So Raikage-dono's given me until the day of the third exam of the Chuunin exams in Kumo to announce his bride, or he annuls the agreement with Konoha." Finally we got somewhere. Not where I wanted to be, but somewhere.

"Aunty I-"

"I love Jei. And whether or not you want to admit it, I know you love him too." I blushed, refusing to say anything. "He has his heart set on you, Ai. He pesters me all the time for things to say to you, for little things he can do for you. Because he knows that he needs to win your heart before he can ask for your hand."

"But the Raikage won't care about that. Tradition needs to be upheld." I intoned. I hated tradition most days, but never quite as intensely as _this _day.

She nodded. The mood was far too morose for a day at the park with two incredible little girls.

"I told Jei to talk to you about this months ago, but knowing him he didn't want you to feel pressured into anything." The intensity of her guilt was almost making me cry. And it was way too late to try put up a barrier to keep me protected from what she was feeling.

"I didn't want to tell you either, so I spoke to Tsunade-sama. She's done her best to make it as easy as possible for the two of you to grow close on your own, but she mostly agrees with Jei."

"But you knew that time is of the essence, and you refuse to see your baby boy hurt because of me." It wasn't hard to figure out where it was leading, not really. I mean, I had only abused every plausible suitor that came my way for two years straight. No one would dare push me into a corner, not with my reaction to every attempt. But a mother that didn't want her son to go through life with a broken heart... such a woman would risk anything. _Especially _if it would prevent her village from going to war.

"I'm not saying that you need to get married tomorrow. The wedding would still be years away. But if you agree to it, backing out would definitely lead to a war. Be sure what you want, Ai. Be **very **sure." No pressure, right?

* * *

After the mission was completed and we gave in our report at the tower, I did something I didn't usually do. "Ka-san, can I talk to you?"

She took one look at me, and knew what it was about. "Wait in my office. As for the rest of Team 7, I would advise you continue with your training regimen."

I made my way up the three flights of stairs, not really surprised to see Ka-san sipping sake in her office. "Kage bunshin I take it?" I thumbed in the direction I had just come from.

She had her arms around me in an instant. "What's wrong, sweetie? You look like you're ready to cry."

"I... um... just got the update from aunty Itsuko." I managed. "Is it true?"

She sighed, probably cursing her like there was no tomorrow. "What did she tell you?"

"That the Raikage wants the name of his bride to be announced by the next CSE, or he sends Jei to Iwa to choose from the harem they're offering." Thank Kami-sama Ka-san knew how to hide her reaction so well. I didn't need another short circuiting. Still, the surprise and the hurt were there. "So basically my decision could spark the Fourth Great Shinobi war."

"Baby, I wish there was something I could say." She didn't want to say it was true – who would want to put that kind of pressure on their child?

On the one hand, if I outright refused Jei, he would marry into Iwa. Who would likely use the connection to jostle Kumo into an all out war against Konoha. On the other hand, if I agree to it but get cold feet, it would spark a war with Kumo directly, which Iwa would offer their aid in. Of course, this was not including any minor villages both Iwa and Kumo would have on their side. Yes, we had allies too, but people would die. Lots of people.

But then, there was no guarantee that war would be averted with our marriage either. It would make it less plausible, nothing more.

"But there isn't. The ugly truth can save lives, but a pretty lie..." I didn't even want to think about the possibilities.

"Sweetie, you don't have to think about this now. You still have seven months to decide." She soothed.

"So what are we dealing with? If I say yes. What are my options?" Best to get the whole story while someone is willing to talk.

"Well..." She obviously wasn't ready for that question. "because you are clan heir you can rightly demand that he be adopted into the Senju clan, meaning that he would stay in Konoha with you. There are quite a few loopholes that their council will try to exploit, but nothing we can't handle. You should also be able to demand a dowry from Kumo."

"But what about Jei and me. What could I expect from everyone getting involved with us? I mean, Iwa isn't going to just sit back and watch their plan fall apart." If I had to deal with this, I would deal with it my way!

"No, not a chance in hell. They'd probably try to play you two against each other. Anything from drugs, to kidnapping, to blackmail. They want a war, and they won't care about who they kill to get it." She said. It was honest at least.

"What about Kiri? Wouldn't they try to egg them on as well? Their numbers won't be dismal forever." I theorized.

"We've already been working that angle. We've tracked down their Sanbi and the jinchurriki of the Gobi for them in addition to returning Zabuza and his apprentice Haku to them alive. And most of their missing Seven Swordsmen swords. They won't be too keen in picking a fight with us for another few years, if at all. The Godaime Mizukage understands our position as well as we understand theirs."

"So they'd likely take our side in a war." I finished for her. "But what about the minor villages? They shouldn't be underestimated either."

"Honestly, Naruto did most of the work there. Hoshi, Taki, Yuki and the Land of Vegatables have all sided with us. And thanks to sensei, Takumi, and Tani are on our side as well. Sensei's been doing his best to make each treaty as strong as possible, even going so far as to station Konoha platoons in most of those villages to safeguard our agreement. So it isn't likely that Iwa could mess with it. Not easily at least."

Plausibly, possibly, probably, likely. There were no givens in this fucked up world. Something could still happen and things could still spiral out of control and start an all out war.

"The people are too divided." I mumbled. It was all too easy to tip the scales when people thought it was going to be tipped anyway.

"Too divided."

* * *

Sitting in the furo, I tried to let the day's stress evaporate. I was only partly successful. If anything, I felt even more uptight now than earlier.

Everyone was trying to tell me that telling Jei was the worst thing I could do. He had plainly told his mother to butt out, and my telling him could tip the scales and cause conflict. Everything I did seemed to have a potential body count. It was simply too much for me!

Deciding that soaking wasn't helping, I got out. I dried off, donned my house clothes and made my way into my bedroom. I didn't feel like dressing up – it was too sticky to wear anything other than a Yukata and I didn't feel like wearing that either. I didn't want to ask Ka-san or Nee-san for advise, because frankly I didn't want to hear it.

I just wanted to be me. For once. No expectations. No demands. No lives hanging in the balance. Just me.

So I took out a clean training uniform, wrapped my scroll around my right arm (under my sleeve), strapped my leg pouch to my thigh and brushed my hair until it shone. I applied a little makeup too, but that was because I though he was worth looking a _little _pretty for.

"Imouto-chan! Jei's here!" I heard Nee-san's calling me.

"Coming!" I called back, already tying my forehead protector and switching my earrings to a pair of studs with music notes that Jei got for me. He always dotes on me when he thinks I'm down about something.

Deciding that I looked cute and practical, I started making my way downstairs. Ka-san was already talking to Jei, but it didn't seem to be anything serious. "Sorry for taking so long." I apologized, noticing Jei in his training uniform as well. At least I wasn't underdressed.

"You're right on time, Ai. Our reservation isn't for another half hour anyway." He shrugged, smiling at me anyway.

"You look nice." I noticed his eyes lingered just a little longer than a once-over usually lasted, but not so long as to be considered rude.

"You don't look so bad yourself." I smiled, trying to figure out if he'd been practicing that glance all day or not. I held back a sigh, but I knew he would pick up on it anyway.

"I'll see you later tonight, Ka-san." I kissed her on the cheek, tugging Jei out the door.

"I'll be back before it gets late."

"Ai, aren't you forgetting something?" She asked, her arms crossed.

"Am I?" I had an eyebrow raised, unable to think of anything.

"Kosuke isn't going with you?"

"Nope. I'm on duty tonight." I thumbed my forehead protector. "Besides, Jei can take care of me." I don't think I've ever seen Ka-san go pale like that before.

"I assure you, Tsunade-sama, my tanbo won't let you down." Jei bowed, before I dragged him out the door.

"You use tanbo?" I asked him almost immediately. A tanbo was basically a baton – usually made of hard wood – the length of the user's forearm. I'd never really seen him fight before. Then again, he could say the same about me.

"Yup. I dual wield."

* * *

"Alright, Ai. What gives? You're not acting yourself." We had barely gone a block before he hit me with that one.

"It doesn-"

"Yes, it does. Now talk to me." I glared at him briefly. He usually wasn't one to interrupt me like that, but I think he had his own suspicions as to what was going on. It wasn't like his sisters wouldn't talk about going to the park with my team.

I sighed. So much for a nice relaxing evening. "I heard about the Raikage's orders." His eyes hardened a bit.

"I was bound to find out eventually, Jei. You know that."

He sighed, agreeing with me on that point at least. "So now what? You just going to assume everything I do is to gain your trust to claim you?" Shit, I didn't think my thoughts were that obvious.

"Yes, Ai, you are that easy to read. To me at least."

"Fine, I'm an open book. I get it!" I stuck my tongue out playfully. He didn't buy it.

"Look, I'm just a bit freaked out right now, okay. It's a lot to take in."

"That's why-"

"You wanted to protect me from it, I know. But what ab-"

"No matter what we do, we can't stop a war, Ai. Not through marriage, not through assassination, not through any means that has ever been tried. If it is meant to happen, it will happen." We stopped walking. This was getting way to heavy for a night out.

"Doesn't that bug you? That our villages could end up going to war because of something we say or do?" I was nearly in tears. The pressure of it was WAY too much!

"You're not listening, Ai. It..." He paused, looking at me a little closer. It was almost like he was remembering something.

"Hey, it's alright." He came closer to me, wrapping me in his arms.

"It's alright, Ai. Nothing's going to happen, okay? I won't let anything happen."

I didn't know if I should have believed him or not, but I wanted to. I wanted to believe him sooo badly. That maybe it wouldn't be my fault. That maybe none of this could ever be my fault. It didn't quite work.

"Ai, look at me." He pushed me back a bit. I gazed right into his eyes, I couldn't help it. Such expressive eyes.

"No matter what happens it's not your fault. You can't control what people on the other side of the Elemental Nations choose to do. All you can control is what you choose to do, or choose not to." He was right, I knew he was. So why couldn't I believe him? Right, the war that a group of idiots – or maybe just one idiot – designed to bring the world together was called off because of my memories. It didn't matter what happened now, it was all my fault either way. What was the name of that guy that bore the weight of the sky? We might just be related.

"I-"

"Ai, you can't bare the weight of the world alone. You have friends and family to help you." The pleading in his eyes... he wanted to bare all my burdens. If he knew how I think he might even try to bare my pain. I snuggled into his embrace once more, thinking about his words. And just when I thought he couldn't get any more obvious the he liked me,

"You have me."

I still didn't know if he was 'it', if he was mister right... hell, it was enough of a leap of faith to get used to being attracted to guys. It was getting hard to remember exactly why, but I knew it was really important... at some point.

I sighed contently. If nothing else, he was a snuggly teddy bear to hug.

* * *

"Welcome to Ginkai's, you're private booth has already been prepared." We were welcomed and escorted to our booth. Choco must have had the night off, because I almost never saw her mother or older sister.

Up the stairs we went, to the second booth on the left. "... whooooooa..." The second the booth door was opened the scent of roses and cherry blossoms met me. The booth was decorated with fragrant candles, and on either side of our table sat pink roses and red tulips – both being my favorite flowers. There were even a few yellow eucalyptus flowers woven into the myriad of color.

There were large pillows to sit on – one pink, the other red. One entire wall was a fold out ink painting of two lovers hiding from the rain under her umbrella. You could see that she was giggling from the look in her eyes (or maybe she was flirting), while he just looked like he wanted to kiss her. Yep! She was definitely flirting.

The low table was set in the middle, but both pillows were placed on one side of it – set up so that we would be facing the painting. "... Gorgeous..." The more I looked around, the more things appeared to be perfect. Everything was set up exactly right. Nothing was overlooked, nothing was out of place. Just perfect.

"Please, make yourselves comfortable." I could only nod dumbly, sitting on the pink pillow. I didn't sit in seiza – I enjoyed being informal with Jei, so my legs were tucked slightly to the right with my right hand on my ankle.

Jei sat down next to me, his legs crossed in front of him. He felt that informal was better too – something that brought a smile to my face. Once we were seated we were handed our menus. Luckily in restaurants the lady is served first – in an informal setting at least. Had we both sat down seiza, she would have offered him the menu first.

"I had asked Choco to set everything up just the way you'd like it." Jei motioned to everything around us.

"I was actually shocked that she didn't know that pink roses were among your favorites."

I rolled my eyes at that – no one knew I liked pink roses. "Not surprising. I doubt even Hanabi knows I like something pink." Then... a thought hit me.

"How did _you _know I like pink roses?"

"You wound me." He clutched at his heart, the picture of wounded innocence. I just cocked an eyebrow at that. He decided to go with a different tactic – not a better one, just different.

"A shinobi never reveals his sources. You understand." He tapped the side of his nose. Like that said anything.

"Whatever you say." I let my eyes wander back to the painting. The lady had a fan opened to hide the lower half of her face, but her eyes and the hand clutched over her heart... whoever made this saw the heart of that woman. The more I looked at it, the more details of her aching heart became apparent. She had longed for that man, craved him. And now that she finally had her chance she wasn't letting him go – she was only wearing the outer layer of her Furisode Kimono, out in the open. It was about claiming her love, and letting the whole world know. There were even some people pointing fingers at the couple, but neither seemed to notice.

"It took Ka-san nearly a year to get it done." Jei said.

"Huh...?"

"The painting. Ka-san made it." That was...

"...Sugoi...!" To have that level of skill was incredible!

"Yeah, it's what brought my parents together. Raikage-sama had commissioned a portrait of his wife. Tou-san happened to be on guard duty that day." He explained.

"You sound like you miss him." I observed.

"I do. One reason I look forward to going to Kumo for the Chuunin exams." His smiled brightened at that. His father was still alive then. He wouldn't have looked that happy to visit a grave.

"What's he like?" When a shinobi opens up, you take advantage – it's like a lunar eclipse, it won't happen again anytime soon.

"He's goofy. He embarrasses me a lot. But he's one of the strongest guys I know. He taught me a lot too... about life, about being strong. He's a good man." Jei had a faraway look in his eyes.

"I can't wait to meet him." I said with a smile. Without being asked, Jei started talking about everything he remembered about his father. Training with him, playing with him when he was younger. His eyes lit up, he couldn't stop smiling. I could feel the love he had for that man radiating off him. Honestly, I had never felt an emotion so strong from Jei before. And I doubted I would ever feel something that strong again.

* * *

"You can beg all you want, but I am not sitting through a chick flick! We are going to see 'Night of the living dead', and that is final!" I couldn't believe we were having this conversation. How many guys actually **wanted **to see 'Memoirs of a Geisha'? No one gets killed in that movie!

"You do know what that movie's about, don't you?" Jei asked, almost not believing me.

"Zombies, killing, hair raising chases, and lots of scary shit. What's not to like?" He still didn't quite believe me. "Look, not all chicks like chick flicks. I happen to like horror, thrillers and movies with lots and lots of shit blowing up!"

"..." He could reel in his chin anytime now.

"This isn't a girl scout badge on my forehead you know!" What's with the goofy look? Jeez, fine. Next time we'll go see some drama with someone dying and the woman being left all on her lonesome, or being comforted by the dead guy's best friend. That's _always _a hoot.

Before Jei threaded on even thinner ice, I walked up to the ticket counter and bought the two tickets to the movie I wanted. Then I grabbed his hand and dragged him inside. He would at _least _buy the popcorn.

Luckily he knew me well enough to know that I didn't eat like a dainty flower. He ordered an extra large popcorn, two jumbo sodas, some chocolates and these sour little candies that came in more colors than I could shake a stick at – yum!

We grabbed a few empty seats in the middle – the back was for couples there to make out. We unloaded our haul, me holding the popcorn, him holding the drinks. There weren't any cup holders, so we had to make do with what we had.

"I still can't believe you like movies like this. I thought I'd have to _drag _you to it." He tried to keep his voice down, but his brain was still catching up to him.

"What? It's a classic." I defended.

"Classic horror."

"Yeah I know. 'If it doesn't scare you, you're already dead.'" I quoted. I loved this movie! To think I would be able to see the good stuff here!

"You're actually serious?" Clearly someone hasn't done his homework. But then, this is my first time going to the movies here in Konoha.

"As serious as vampire movies are overrated." I wondered if-

"You like zombies, but you pick on vampires?" Oh, so Jei knows a thing or two about this genre?

"What about Dracula?"

"Classics follow their own rules. But they've been coming out with way too many mushy vampire movies. The Undead are meant for killing, not falling in love with." I pointed out. And anything with a love triangle between the living, the damned and the undead is doomed to fail before it ever begins!

"True. What about the Hellraiser series though?"

"They show Hellraiser here?" I am SOO going to rewatch each movie!

"SHHH! The movie is sta-" There was a choking sound, proving that my aim was getting better. Who ever the hell that was just got some free popcorn. Asshole!

"We better keep it down." Jei suggested.

"Yeah right, that guy'll probably be screaming louder than his girlfriend!" I made sure he could hear me too!

* * *

"I still can't believe you were throwing ice at that guy!" Jei was laughing so hard he had to hold his sides to ease the pain.

"I maintain that he was screaming of his own volition." That's my story and I was sticking to it.

He made a disbelieving face. "Then why'd I feel a breeze just before every scary part? You were taunting that guy." Fine, blow my cover why don't you!

"He did have a girly scream, didn't he?" I clutched my hands together, mimicking the idiot.

"Michi! The zombies got me! Run!" Jei started laughing so hard I thought he was going to pass out!

Sure the actors were all Asian guys (mostly farmers), sure the plot was socially translated. The cars were replaced with kago (palanquin, a wheelless rickshaw for the lower classes) and all the nobles survived thanks to their retainers. Hell, even the satellite that started the whole thing was replaced by a jutsu gone horribly wrong. But the spirit of it all was still there!

Girls were screaming a lot – and a few guys other than the idiot that earned my ire. Sure the guys used the movie to get really close to said girls. It was a page out of a world I used to know.

Still, I found it hilarious as fuck! The graphics were all shit. I could see the make up most of the time, the boards in that one scene were still numbered, and the acting was still horrible. And yes, it was black and white. I'd still pay to see it again.

Anyway, Jei walked me home – still cracking jokes the whole way. I could get technical and point out that he lived across the street from me, but I doubt he'd care. He was just the type of guy that wouldn't care if I lived on the other side of the village.

Like all things, the walk eventually came to an end. We still felt like cracking a few jokes though, so we stayed by my door for a few minutes talking about this and that. Until I felt Ka-san's curiosity... and that painfully obvious joy at she didn't even bother to mask. You know that 'my little girl is so grown up' moment? Or more accurately... the 'everything is working out like I planned, and she looks happy about it' moment.

Sadly I couldn't even argue against it. I was happy. "I had a really good time tonight." I got tired of feeling signature after signature piling up by the door, all probably oohing and aahing about things I didn't really want to deal with right now.

"I did too." He was smiling, but there was a nervousness lingering in his eyes. Oh, Kami-sama, was he going to try to kiss me? Is this what I wanted? Did I- "I was kinda hoping, that we could maybe... try... maybe going on a... real date?"

"Jei, do you know what separates a the real from the fake?" I had no idea why I asked, because if he understood... wouldn't he try it? Did I secretly want him to?

"No clue. Intention?" He asked, but there was a look in his eyes. A teasing look. He knew, but he wanted me to say it.

"Not even close." Was it getting hot out here? It was late summer. It definitely felt a bit warmer than it had earlier.

"Why don't you tell me then." His voice was deep, husky. He spoke next to my ear, barely more than a whisper. The warmth of his breath tickled my skin. I just... I should... maybe I... … …

"no." I whispered back. "no risk... no reward..." I kept my face hidden from him, trying to hide the blush that threatened to consume me. Something was wrong with me. Very wrong. It wasn't that I wasn't thinking – I couldn't.

He pulled back, trying to look at me. I looked away. It was embarrassing to be so vulnerable, to have my heart so blatantly on display. What if he laughed? What if he thought I was just some silly kunoichi trying to act all grown up and in love? What if he thought I was just trying to impress him and it was all an act?

He grabbed my chin with his index finger and thumb, tugging my nose to point right at him. He did so gently, so I could have resisted if I wanted to. Somehow I didn't want to. My eyes met his. Those golden eyes of his. They reminded me so much of Ka-san's eyes. The gentleness that would be there for me – for only me. It was as if there was a side of them that was reserved only for me to see.

Leaning towards me, I felt his breath on my face. "oh?" His lips formed the perfect little 'o'. They looked so... dry. There were pieces of dead skin all over the place. This was going to suck.

But inspiration struck! Just as he was leaning in a bit closer, I placed a finger on his lips and pushed him back a bit. He was clearly put out, but was at least curious why I was fishing in my sleeve – yes, the sleeve of the same arm that had a finger against his lip. So it was plain as day for him to see.

I grabbed some lip gloss and was already applying it to my lips. He looked at me, more curious that anything else.

"now i'm ready." He smiled – nervous and still a little uncertain. I placed my hands on his chest, leaning towards him. I closed my eyes, puckering my lips. I didn't know if I was ready. I doubted I ever would be. But at least he was a really great guy.

"no... you're not." Jei told me, now it was my turn to have his finger pressed against my lips. "you're willing, but you don't want this. i'm sorry, but i won't settled for being settled for."

"jei, i-"

"i'm not your mission." He said. A tear stole onto my cheek. I didn't think he would understand it quite so well. It hurt having to see him like that, but at least it was with him – I was have committed suicide if it was Sasuke.

"jei, you don't-"

"get it?" His eyes were filled with sadness.

"yes, i do. but i want more than that. why else would i have wait two years to ask you on a real date, when your mother gave me her blessings almost from the start?"

I felt lightheaded, almost dizzy. Too many things were going on at once now. "I thought-" I knew he had asked, but the answer was news to me. I thought Ka-san said I was too young.

"I told Tsunade-sama how I feel about you." He spoke a little louder, almost proper. I hurt him. It was the only explanation as to why he would need to be proper – a defense to not show how much it hurt.

"She warned me that protecting you would be worth going to war with Kumo, so I had best be ware." That sounded just like Ka-san.

"Jei you don't understand. I-"

"I do understand, Ai. I just don't want to be the objective of your mission."

He didn't understand at all. "Jei, shut up and listen!" That came out a bit louder than it was supposed to, but it had the desired affect.

"I'm scared, okay!" Fuck, where the hell was that volume knob!

"..." He just stared at me, shock plainly written on his face.

I turned away from him. I hated being afraid... of anything. Fear meant weakness. Fear meant that someone or something had a power over me that I couldn't combat. But then... love meant that and more. "is that what you wanted to hear? that i'm afraid of falling for you, because i'm scared to death that you're going to hurt me?"

"ai, I could never hu-"

"people hurt each other everyday." Unbidden, flashbacks of a past I was (gratefully) starting to forget slammed into me.

"sometimes it's on purpose, but most often..." I wiped at the tears, hoping to stem the flow. I wasn't too surprised when they kept falling though. Moving to the door, hoping to not make the night any worse, I tried to apologize.

"i'm sorry... i'll-"

Jei spun me around, pulling me into his arms. He didn't say anything, neither did I. We just stayed like that. For how long, I dared not say. What I did know... was that he didn't let me go, even after I stopped crying.

Even when he had every right to be mad at me...

* * *

I woke up the next morning feeling... remarkably light. Like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders – one I didn't know was there.

I felt... free.

Starting my day the way I usually would, I went and ate breakfast – Inaho refused to let me cook if she was home. After that was my morning workout, meditation and training. Nothing special thus far.

At nine o'clock, I got ready to head over to Hanabi's. The guys wanted the day to work on something and didn't want me getting in the way. Whatever that meant.

It didn't matter, I was overdue a day with Nabi-chan anyway. So I put on a simple Iromuji Kimono, with a sapphire base color and Konoha's symbol repeated through it in jade. If you didn't look closely it looked dark teal. Anyhow, who cares... it was simply meant to be something I had on.

I left after that, taking Inaho and Kosuke with me. By Ka-san's decree, I was never to leave the house alone. So I either had to be on duty, and therefore with the others from Team 7, or I took Kosuke with me – at least.

Lucky me that I did, because I barely got five steps from the Senju District gate before- "Senju." Before shit hit the fan.

"Uchiha Sasuke. I hear you've been getting a lot of action as of late." I intoned, not even slowing my pace. Inaho and Kosuke knew to either keep up or get left behind in this case – it wasn't the first or the last time I'd been bothered by this person.

"Hnn?" He was curious, not clueless.

"I trust you will treat Sakura-san right. She did offer her greatest _treasure _after all." I glared at him with an intensity that could melt stone. Sure, Sakura wasn't my best friend, but she was Ka-san's foremost apprentice and still a big sister figure to me. I would castrate him the **second **he even _thinks _of infidelity.

He tried to look unfazed, but I knew better. "I..." He cleared his throat. "I... have a question..."

"I don't have all day, Uchiha." I was still walking mind you, so he had to figure out how to keep up and sort out his thoughts at the same time.

"..." He was still sorting out his thoughts, but I could tell something was up with him.

"Look, if you have questions regarding females or Sakura in specific, ask Shizune-nee-san. She is the better adviser. If you have anything to ask regarding me, then Ka-san is the person you want. For everything else, anyone else will do." He was still sputtering out some shit I wasn't following.

"Ai, please. I need to talk to you." Still wasn't slowing down. I had my own shit to deal with, and he certainly wasn't helping with that.

"Ask away." Take the hint.

"Privately."

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"Ai-"

"No, Sasuke. I have no interest in talking to you about any-"

"It's about Sakura."

"You know where to find her." Why was it so hard to understand that I had nothing to-

"I think she's... expecting."

**End Chapter 11**

* * *

_**A/N: Gee, I wonder what Ai is going to do to Sasuke now? Wasn't he going on a date with Ino? Hmm. At any rate this actually went a lot quicker than I anticipated! I didn't think I would still have this much time to write. It doesn't mean this will last, but it was nice at least.**_

_**Lots of love going out for my regular reviewers! And once again, many thanks to Elivira for not only being an amazing Beta, but also for getting back to me in the time it took me to get some shut eye! If this was a Phineas and Ferb Fic, I'd make a reference to the Fireside Girls :P (This is the Fireside Girls' song... and it's not too terribly long.) - Blame lack of sleep! Lol, just goes to show how quick she was.**_

_**Anyhoo! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you guys soon.**_


	12. A girl's first

**Cosmic Comedy**

**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**

**Lots of love going out to Elivira for Beta-ing this story! As well as shirokuromokona, who always finds time to tell me what she thinks of the story! Don't know what I'd do without either of them ;) Or kenegi! **

**At any rate! It's time for Chapter 12 of Cosmic Comedy! **

**And so the adventures begin.**

* * *

"Ai, please. I need to talk to you." Still not slowing down. I had my own shit to deal with, and he certainly wasn't helping with that.

"Ask away." Take the hint.

"Privately."

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"Ai-"

"No, Sasuke. I have no interest in talking to you about any-"

"It's about Sakura."

"You know where to find her." Why was it so hard to understand that I had nothing to-

"I think she's... expecting."

"So marry her." Interesting? Yes. My business? Not in the least.

Even Inaho was looking at me funny for that one. Should have left her ass home. "Ai-sama, perhaps you could hear him out?"

"Perhaps, but I doubt it." Still didn't care.

"Please, Ai. It has to be you."

"Rehearsals for 'I give a rat's ass' are on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Curtain draws in less than nine months." Just up ahead: Freedom! I could see the gate marking the entrance to the Hyuuga compound. There was no way they'd let him in there! I was as good as home free!

"Please Ai." I could feel actual fear radiating off him. "You're the only one who would understand."

"Bad luck for you."

"Ai-chan, are you giving Sasuke-san a hard time for no reason?" Fuck.

"But, Hina-chaaaaan!"

"Don't give me that tone, young lady. Sasuke sounds like he could really use your help. Would it be so terrible for you to hear him out?" She had her hands balled up in her sides, leaning forward to really get in my face about it. I'd created a monster... (^-^)''

"Fine... but Hanabi is expecting me and you know that-"

"She would fully understand you stopping to make an appointment for later in the day where you and Sasuke-san can sit down and chat peacefully. It wouldn't take a minute, if you actually did it." Shit. Why did I think she needed more... of whatever she was missing?

"Gomen, Nee-san. Sasuke, we can meet up for lunch if you want. I didn't have any plans yet. Would that work for you?" My tone was relatively pleasant too! She didn't have anything to-

"Aaaaaaand...?" Shit.

"And I'm sorry about my earlier attitude. It was most unbecoming of me?" I glanced at Hinata, hoping that was the end of that. She was beaming at me. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a previous engagement."

The second I was out of hearing distance, I gave an explosive sigh. Inaho just giggled at me.

* * *

Hanabi was giggling her high class ass off at my expense. Inaho and Hinata weren't helping much either.

"Moooooouuu! See if I tell you what happened to me next time." I groused. That just made her laugh even harder.

"Senju Ai, brought to her knees by Hinata-nee. Oh how the mighty have fallen!" She placed the back of her hand against her brow, acting faint. Normally I would be giggling my ass off at her jokes, but today... my mind was on Sakura. Fuck that head-up-his-own-ass pompous prick, he'd get his. Sakura's situation worried me.

She should have known every detail about contraceptives, about jutsu to prevent pregnancy. Hell even ovulation calenders were better than nothing! She would have been trained to know her body intimately. And yet, she's risking being a teenage mom? Something's not right with that picture.

Somehow I think that's what was bugging Sasuke – he didn't make jounin because of his clan's name after all. I hated him without doubt or reservation, but I knew he was too smart to underestimate. Did he need to talk to me, because he knew I'd never pull my punches? It was possible.

"~Aaaaaaaaaiiii...~" Hanabi was waving her hand in front my face. "Ai! You there?"

"You know, sometimes people space out to think. You should try it some time." I intoned.

She pinched my cheeks. "Yeah, but maybe a cutey like yourself should start paying better attention to the world around you." You know that annoyingly high-pitched voice females like to talk to babies with? Yeah. Not fun.

"Hanabi, Hinata. I would like to thank you for your hospitality, but I believe I have to cut this short. If possible, could I pass by later to hang out?" I wasn't going to be very sociable until I understood what the hell was going on, and both Hyuugas knew that. They nodded, already seeing me out.

* * *

I didn't even wait for the lunch appointment I had with Sasuke. No point. I went straight to his house instead. Naturally Kosuke and Inaho were still with me, but I'd ask them for some privacy once I confirmed my initial suspicions.

"Uchiha! Open up!" I banged on the doorpost. My every sense was on high alert – something that came naturally with the overdose of adrenaline the situation was giving me. No, not that good adrenaline high that you get from working out all afternoon. It was more like that there's-a-zombie-chasing-us-run-bitch-run adrenaline high. It was nerve wrecking! And that's being nice about it...

There was a dark, almost looming, chakra signature coming to the door. It was the kind of presence you'd expect in a cemetery, not a living person. "Senju. Kosuke. Inaho. Enter." We followed him in and got the normal annoying shit out the way – shoes off, house slippers on, tea set and everyone seated.

"Details. Now." I demanded. There was a major bullshit going on, I could smell it.

Sasuke just sat there. He just spaced out. "I told Sakura and Ino that I wanted to start rebuilding the Uchiha clan a few months ago. It was right after I made jounin. So that of course meant me looking to settle down, getting married and all that." Sakura AND Ino? Bad move.

"Well, after that I noticed that they were both pestering me a lot more for dates, and were starting to get at each other's throats about who I'd pick. Funny how I didn't see that coming."

Suspicions confirmed. I motioned for Kosuke and Inaho to wait in the next room. "Spare those details, Sasuke. I can figure out how the dumb ass idea got planted in her mind. What I need to know is what you need me for."

The second we were alone, his eyes became haunted. "I think Sakura is-"

"Setting you up. Yeah, I got that part. Isn't that why Uchiha are expected to marry before fucking the shit out of someone?" Fucking idiot. What did he think sex would lead to? One happy night and an afterglow the next day?

"..." He really didn't need to hear me harping on the details, I knew that. But he fucking needed to hear them!

"Look, I can't tell you if she's pregnant with your child or not. But telling two rivals that you are looking to settle down? You had to know they would try anything they could to ensnare you." He looked even more hopeless at that. He honestly hadn't thought of that? Dipshit. "The point is, because of tradition you would have to marry Sakura to avoid a scandal on the Uchiha name. Which any idiot would be able to tell Sakura after they found out you two were fucking."

"It was just the one time." He tried. That's probably what he told himself.

"It only takes one kunai to kill you. It also only takes one time to conceive a child. Sometimes it takes a while for that one time to happen, but it still just takes the one!" I rubbed in his face. "Fucking idiot! This isn't even a new tactic! Why the fuck did you think the clan laws demanded marriage before copulation? To avoid stupid shit like this!"

He just sat there. Sat and accepted my every point, my every name-calling, my every reproach. His heart sank a little deeper each time too.

"Look. This is all pointless. You knew the risks, and you chose to take them. Now what you need to do is to think! Think and plan." I said. No two ways to take that shit. "Sakura's not going to just come out and say she isn't pregnant. Time is on her side either way."

That got him into gear. "What do you mean?"

"If she is pregnant, and starts showing, that would be a stain on the Uchiha name. It's also against each clan's laws. So you can't risk that getting out, not unless you want to be the only Uchiha AND not allowed to be the clan head. On the other hand, you can't demand for her to take a test. That is against Konoha laws – a woman's pregnancy is no one's concern but her husband's. You have basically fucked yourself."

"... I know."

"So you came to me hoping I could either talk to her, or figure out a way around it?" He nodded. "Shit out of luck. If she chooses not to talk, not even the Hokage can force her hand in this matter. All I'd be able to is test her for pregnancy, but even then I can't tell you the result. Not legally. And legally knowing is the entire point here. Your main problem is the political backlash, not the girl trying to win you over."

"And an internal investigation from within the Uchiha clan?"

"That only applies to members of the clan. You'd have to either marry her or adopt her into the clan for that to work. And even then, if it turns out to be the truth, she'd never trust you again." That meant a lot to me – trust. That may or may not have been important to him though. "Honestly, I am not getting mixed up in this. Not even close."

"Ai, please. I... I need your help." No, you need to start fucking using condoms or stop fucking altogether.

"You've got three options here. One is simply asking her and hope she's clueless of how thoroughly she's squeezing your balls. The second is taking your chances and not doing a damn thing – which risks you being able to claim the title of head of the Uchiha. The last, is marrying her and then investigation her within the Uchiha clan." I explained honestly. "Each bares its own risks. And I am not getting involved. You made your bed, Uchiha. Lay in it."

I excused myself, not giving him the opportunity to ask for more Intel. Really, I could almost swear she wasn't going to fuck him over. But the issue wasn't her and/or her ploy to claim him. The real issues were families that would love to get their hands on the Uchiha District. All they'd have to do is mark him an unfit clan leader, which this situation could give them in spades.

At best they could kick him off his own land. At worst... they could use the confusion to their advantage and try to demand monetary recompense for his living on their rightful lands, starting from the day of the Uchiha massacre. And if he didn't find a secure location for the 'there but not really there' library of his clan... well that could spell the end of the the the Uchiha's secrets! There's nothing worse for a clan, than for someone to possess all their secrets.

Literally, nothing.

Well, not my problem.

* * *

After leaving Sasuke to his fate, I decided to do a little recon. This wasn't like Sakura at all, so I needed to get to the bottom of it. And fast!

I found her in the training room of the Hokage Tower, where I expected to find her. She was practicing a jutsu, the reanimate jutsu as far as I could tell. I wasn't allowed to learn complex Iryou ninjutsu like that, but I could mend bones and neutralize poisons like the best.

"Sakura-san, can I talk to you?" She was still focusing on the jutsu, but nodded to me anyway. "Sasuke came to me this morning." Her jutsu failed instantly, and the fish died. I guessed that were were having fish for lunch.

"Oh?" She tried to play it off, like that was supposed to happen. Completely negating the fact that she had mastered that jutsu two years ago.

"Yeah, he had a very interesting story to tell me. You wouldn't happen to know what story it could be?" I couldn't outright ask her, not even I could break laws like that. No, all I could do was play the idiot and wait for her to mess up.

"I umm... he could... it might be anything..." Guilty conscience got your tongue?

"Oh no, this was something special. A shame you don't know, he seemed quite excited about it." Her face lit up.

"He was? I mean... why wouldn't he be?" She reverted into her own little world, the taste of victory making her incautious. "I mean, we were meant to be right? So why wouldn't he-" She blurted out a bunch of crap I had no use for, like Ino losing and love conquering all. Things I would have expected from her in fangirl mode.

Now to set the trap. "There's just one problem. If you two don't get married before the you start showing, then it could cost Sasuke his clan's name. But he loves you too much to force you into marriage."

"Force me? What does that boy think I want? I just want the best for our baby! Doesn't he know how much I love him?" Yup, she was too far gone to think about strategy right now. She was just reacting.

"You know how thick headed guys can be. But how did you do it? I mean, making love was the easy part, but did you plan the day and time to maximize your chances?" It was fairly simply and common knowledge that if you planned to get pregnant and you kept a keen eye on your menstral cycle, you could maximize your chances of getting pregnant. And some experts could even predict which gender the baby would be, depending on the position during insemination and the phase of the moon. All things that would be well within her grasp, if not a learn principle already.

"About that..." She wasn't rambling anymore. She was subdued, and her eyes help great pain. "I kinda got drunk after losing a patient... and I ran into Sasuke-kun after that... and well... one thing led to another..." Yup, the universe made sense again. She was just being her usual Sasuke-centric self, with a severe side effect.

"Oh my god, are you alright?" No wonder why she was practicing this jutsu again! She must two clicks South of freaking out! Anyway, I'd better let Sasuke know that he's overreacting.

The things I do for peace in this village!

* * *

"In other words, you are overreacting. She worships the ground you walk on an wants nothing more to help and support you any way she can." I finished up. Then came the obvious end to it: "My advice, based on these observations, would be to marry her and keep any and all specifics to yourself. But it's really up to you either way."

He sat there, not moving for a long time. If my guess was right, he was just analyzing the facts as presented and was coming to his own conclusion. As he should.

"At any rate, you know what you need to know. I suggest you act quickly one way or another." I turned to leave, hoping that this stupid ass situation would never have to repeat itself.

"Thank you, Ai." He said, his voice sincere. "This means more to me than you know."

"Choose wisely, Sasuke. Because there are few kunoichi in the world that would love you quite like she does." I had already done far more than planned. Hopefully something good could come from this.

I made my way out of the Uchiha District, heading back to the Senju District. All this mushy romance was starting to get me in a funny mood. I needed some violence, horror and a side of popcorn and soda. And there was only one person in Konoha that I wanted to go with me. "Hey, you. What's with the intrusion on my mud bath?" Jei was once again covered baby food, but smiling none the less. He was wiping it off with a damp cloth, either already knowing it was me or hoping that whoever it was wouldn't notice.

"And miss the opportunity to make fun of you? Not happening." He invited me in, trying to wipe the last traces of Sango's meal as best he could. "You do know that Sango's supposed to eat that right?"

"The better question is, does she know that?" I giggled. He had a point. "So what brings you to this warzone?"

"I needed go-with for a violent, preferably gory flick. Filled with explosions, death and girls walking around topless." I explained. I didn't know the movies around here like he did, so he was the best option.

"You're not normal. You know that, right?"

I just smiled brightly at him. "I like being quirky. And besides, normal is booooooooring!" He rolled his eyes. "So you go get ready and I'll finish feeding Sango-chan. Then we can drop the kids off by Inaho-san and I'll write aunty Itsuko a letter explaining everything."

He just stood there, a funny look in his eyes. "The movie's gonna start without us if you don't get with the program." I grabbed Sango's spoon – much to her dismay, seeing as I didn't let her play the same games Jei did.

Why was he still standing there?

* * *

"You'd love this one, I'm telling you! The antagonist is a gaijin (gaijin? Ummm... 'gai' meant 'strange', 'jin' meant 'person'... strange person? Ah! 'Outlander'! Someone not was not from around here) that turns into a werewolf. There's lots of people getting killed, some of them get eaten." Jei's enthusiasm was contagious. I'd never heard of 'The werewolf and the magic sword', but it sounded like something right up my alley.

"Too bad the first viewing is in three hours." I groused.

"Why is that bad? This way we can go grab a bite to eat first. And there was something I've been meaning to show you. It works out just fine." He countered, tugging me in a direction we usually never went. Not together anyway.

Normally we'd crawl through the Commercial District. Either me dragging him into a shop to get him some better clothes – that boy had no sense of style – or him 'dragging' me into one of those arcades that recently opened. We still hadn't decided who the supreme champion was in that fighting game! '_I know what we'll be doing after the movie lets out!_'

This time, we were heading into the Shinobi Disctrict. Of Konoha's fifteen districts, the Shinobi District had the most uniformed foot traffic. I knew most of their faces too. Like Asuma and Kurenai, still acting like they're on their way to a meeting and happened to be together when they received word. And uncle Gai challenging Kakashi to another duel – Lee's trying to wipe away his tears at the scene. Don't ask, don't tell.

Aoba and Raidou were goofing around as usual. Sensei was flirting with Ayama-nee-san again – well, what he considered flirting. Honestly, there was nothing flirtatious about sitting far away from her and barely saying a word. That man was troubled. And Tekuno-sensei was laughing his ass off about something – probably sensei.

Hanabi and Konohamaru were on a date – not what I considered a romantic date... more of a 'look everyone we're on a date' kinda thing. If they were on a real date, they wouldn't be sitting outside a cafe anywhere near here. Still, Hanabi's blush seemed real enough. I made a mental note to bug her for details later.

"So where are you taking me?" I asked.

"You'll see." Was all he'd say. He wasn't even trying to distract me with small talk – he wanted me to wonder where we were going. Judging from our location and heading, we could be heading practically anywhere. One interesting possibility was the Shinobi Outfitters Store, but what could he possibly want to show me there?

I was right, we entered that exact store. He let me get in two words with Tenten (Hey, girl!), and dragged me off into the weapons section. Oh-kaaaaaaay...

"Alright, we're here. Now what?" I asked. He ignored me, perusing the merchandise – batons as far as I could tell.

"I hear you're into hidden weapons, so I need your help picking out new tanbos." He informed me, walking over to the selection of tanbo on sale. Hmm, 'baton', 'tanbo'... scrabble night was going to be so much more fun!

"Yes I am, but these look to be standard stuff. I would only train with these." I said, wondering who the fuck kept him so well informed about me. It wouldn't surprise me if it was everyone in my house!

"Hmm, so what would you suggest?" He picked up one and twirled it a few times to test its weight.

"That depends on what you want." I thought about that for a second longer. With Tenshi and Eda there was the element of surprise even after my opponent had seen the weapon, so it wasn't really about hidden weapons... it was more hidden in assumption.

"I'm asking what you would go for. Maybe it'll be up my alley." He worded that casually enough, but it was riddled with potential situations.

"Hmm, I'm working on tessen right now. I'm still learning the basic kata for them, but I like the potential and the innocuousness of so common an item." I was grabbing for straws – hard to tell?

"'Innocuousness'? How long have you been waiting to slip that into a sentence?" That teasing smile of his...! I blushed, but refused to answer. "So you like hiding things in plain sight, letting people assume wrongly to give you an easy advantage."

"S-something like that." Bullshit, that was exactly what I enjoyed doing!

"So maybe a hidden blade? Or hiding them up my sleeves?" He needed my help with this?

"Something along those lines." I shrugged.

"You think like a Sengo when it comes to weapons then."

"Yeah. You could say that." I smiled nervously. Sure, I was thinking back on all the times Tenten, Yun and I got into intense arguments over what weapon upgrades worked best. But...

"Ai, you're acting... weird..."

"I am...?" He knew why! He was the one that pointed out that I thought of weapons like a Sengo! And how did a Sengo clansman ask for a woman's hand in marriage? He'd make a weapon for her!

"There's some hidden meaning behind weapons in the Sengo clan isn't there." I nodded, blushing. "Is it good?" 'Good' was an opinion... but it wasn't an insult...

I nodded again. "Good." He announced, smiling. I blushed a little deeper. Maybe he should have asked what it meant? Maybe I should have told him? "Oh... it's ready." Jei was looking over my shoulder at something behind me. I turned to follow his gaze, but what I found drained the color from my face...

Yun, Tenten, Matsuri Tekuno-sensei, Ame, Daichi, Kouji and Hayama-sensei were suddenly behind me. Yun was holding out a bright yellow box with a white ribbon. On one loop of the ribbon was Konoha's symbol... on the other was the Senju's symbol – both painted on.

Jei took the box from her, nodding with a smile wide enough to tell me some shit was going on. Then he offered the box to me. I was blushing so scarlet that I thought I would end up passing out. Yun and Tenten were blushing as well, but their smiles were as bright as the midday sun. Kouji and Daichi were just proud of themselves.

This was the first prototype of my tessen. I just knew it. And with Jei offering it to me... "I know it isn't much. But..." The look in his eyes, that little unsure smile of his. He had set this up, to allow himself to be vulnerable for me. Or did he even think it through that far? I didn't know. What I knew was that I could barely breathe.

I tried opening the box. I fumbled with the bow for a bit – cursing that sweet, but completely clueless boy every step of the way. My hands were shaking, my fingers were numb. This was simply too much for my frazzled nerves. I just... maybe if I...

Jei placed his hands over my own, helping me to stop them from shaking as badly. With his right index finger he guided me to slip part of the ribbon from the top of the box, letting the rest of it slip of easily. He then took off cover of the box, revealing the front of the outer rib of my new tessen. It was dark blue, with the Senju clan symbol worked into the design of it and painted (?) golden.

I took the fan out, and let Jei take the box from me. It was light. Slightly heavier than a normal fan, but lighter than I imagined it would be. "Thirty-seven centimeters long. Three centimeters at the widest point. Made entirely of titanium alloy for strength and durability. **And** still light as a feather. The edges are sharpened with the same technique as a katana, which offers it an elegant curve. And both outer ribs are fitted with the senbon launcher Akamon-san had been working on. Sowing needles not included, I'm afraid."

I heard every word Jei said. Really I did. But my eyes only allowed me to see the design on the fan once I had flicked it open. "...Gorgeous..." The same painting that was on the fold out wall from Ginkai's yesterday – the two lovers under the umbrella. It was on both sides of my tessen. That shouldn't have even been possible! Seeing that no paper was used in the construction, that meant that they somehow painted the ribs themselves to each form a portion of the picture... with some kind of non-reflecting paint? The skill needed to create this one item was astounding!

"Her name is Kibou. Which means 'hope', 'wish', 'aspiration'." Then Tenten offered him another box. Same bright yellow color, same golden ribbon. Only this time the two symbols on the ribbon were of Kumo... and the Kaminari clan symbol – which looked like a stylized forked lightning striking everything at once.

"Tsunade-sama had helped me the most with this one. She's called Shin, which means 'faith', 'trust', 'reliance', 'fidelity', 'reliance'. The list goes on." Did he sound like a bookwork? Yes. But it was just how this was done. One did not just offer a custom made weapon, knowing absolutely nothing about it! One had to know EVERYTHING about it!

"On your desk, in your room, you will find two scrolls on all the secrets of these tessen. I had Inaho put them there herself. She said you'd know where to look." Once I flicked open Shin... I saw a navy blue non-reflecting background, with a complex fuuin on it. If I didn't know any better, I might think that the three colors used to make up the fuuin, marked it as three different fuuin altogether, layered one over the other.

To say there were exquisite wouldn't do either tessen justice. At all.

I just wished... it didn't feel like an engagement party.

* * *

We were walking out of the Shinobi District, into the Entertainment district. This was where one would go for cinemas, theaters, schools (not the Shinobi Academy, that was in the Hokage Tower, in the Shinobi District) and basically anything else you could imagine to entertain the masses. Most restaurants were either here or in the Commercial District, but there were eateries everywhere in the village.

I'd been pretty silent since leaving the outfitters. How could I not be? I was swimming in my own thoughts. Well, 'swimming' might not be the best description. Maybe 'drowning' was better? Either way, I was not a happy camper.

I was led to an upscale restaurant I'd never frequented. There was a slight hope that this was some kind of sick, twisted joke... but I doubted it. We were shown in immediately – they recognized me – to a seat by the window. Clan heirs frequenting their establishment was one of the better advertizements apparently. I fucking hated people like that.

"Any recommendations?" I asked, trying to be as polite as possible. If I acted the way I truly felt, I'd have slapped him by now.

"It's my first time here." He hid half the story – I felt it in my bones.

I quickly selected what I wanted, laying my menu in front of me. I'd rather get this over with. "So what other advice did your mother give you about yesterday?" It's the only thing that made sense! He was the cool, laid back guy yesterday. He was someone I could talk to, chat with, and just goof around in public with! Then today...

He sighed. "What makes you-"

"I'm trying not to make a scene, Jei. But if you avoid the subject, nothing is guaranteed." I warned.

He sighed again, more worn out this time. "Our attitude was unbecoming. And seeing as your reputation is spotless, it could only be my fault."

That hit me – **hard**. When did I become an angel? Did I not get the memo? I mean, I acted dainty and ladylike most days, but that was mostly to meet public expectations. Underneath that I was still me!

Then, something else hit me. Something that was actually... interesting. Jei's bride not being chosen from Kumo, him never speaking of any friends from back home, his acceptance of people shunning him here... just like Naruto-nii... He couldn't be a jinchuuriki, that much I knew... but... "Jei. What did you say was your father's name again?"

"I didn't. Gomen, my manners seem to always be the last thing on my mind. His name is Kaminari Bii."

"Killer Bii?" He nodded, a mixture of pride and sadness in his eyes. I suspected as much. "Jei, you dick!"

"Hey!" He tried to whisper, but it didn't work. "We're in public here! Are you trying to make things worse?"

"You think I'd care if I found out your dad's a jinchuuriki?" His eyes went wider than dinner plates!

"How...?"

"Is that it? Is that why you kept acting so off?" Then another thought hit me. I took out Kibou and flicked it open to look at the man in the picture. Dark skin, white-silvery hair and those odd shades covering his eyes! It was a picture of Killer Bii and aunty Itsuko! "I thought it odd... but it makes sense now."

"...what...?"

"A lady never seduces in public like this. But it isn't about being in public. Aunty Itusko meant to show that she'd love her man no matter what people think. She'd deal with the consequences later." I explained. My respect for her just tripled!

Flicking Kibou closed again, and returning it to my sleeve – I still haven't gotten used to calling my weapons 'her' – I turned back to the now exposed Jei. He looked so... vulnerable now. And he was looking at everyone at once to see if anyone heard me. "Jei." He turned back to me – I could see a million questions racing through his mind at once. "You're mom didn't give you that advice about yesterday, did she?"

He shook his head, no. "She was probably telling you how well you did, getting me to laugh so much. But all you heard was that one prick that kept complaining about us being so loud. You thought it had to do with people hating you like they did in Kumo."

He just stared at me for a long time, trying to take it all in. I could only guess at how weird it must have been for me to not only figure it all out, but to not be bothered in the least. Well, I had gotten through to Naruto-nii, so I could handle Jei.

Still, I should have been able to figure this out! What the hell was wrong with me?

Hindsight always _was_ 20/20...

* * *

After the movie let out, I decided to get on Jei's case. He'd had enough time to collect himself. "I still can't believe you thought I'd freak." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"I still can't believe you didn't." He countered – and meant it too!

"You poor, clueless dick."

"Hey! Genitalia are not supposed to be coming out of your mouth." He tried to chastise me, but...

I tapped my finger against my chin, pretending to think about something intently. "How's a blowjob work then?" I laughed at the flustered look on his face. He was so fun when he was like this.

"You're not _normal_!" He groused. And that's supposed to be an insult? Ha! I laughed in the face of normal people! Ha! HAHAHAHA!

"Flattery will get you nowhere." I batted my eyelashes at him, giggling all the more when he got all flustered again.

He was walking me back to Hanabi's this time, instead of home – I still had to spend some kind of time with the girl! I still hadn't asked her about the Konohamaru thing. But then, I kinda saw them because of Jei... oh well.

"You know... I'm kinda glad you didn't live up to my expectations. Just this one time." Jei said. The Hyuuga compound gate was just ahead, so this was where we went out separate ways.

"You're the one who keeps telling me how not normal I am. So why expect the normal reaction?" He blushed a bit. "Next time, try telling me what's bugging you. You might get rewarded."

"Rewarded? How?" He cocked an eyebrow at me.

"I dunno. _Somehow_." I leaned close to him, tugging him to bend down a bit. Fucking tall people. I placed my hands on his chest – like I saw those girls doing before.

"You do know that the Hyuuga guards can see us?" So?

"They could see us across the village if they wanted to." Our noses were kissing, but that wasn't the reward. This was something special, something that could only be offered once!

He looked a bit nervous, gazing into my eyes... seemingly to find any resistance or doubt on my part. There was none of course, unless he confused nervousness with something else. I just kept gazing into his golden eyes. Until... the moment felt right. There was no other way to explain it other than just that, it felt... _right_.

Closing my eyes. Trying to remember to breathe. Leaning in even closer. Feeling his hesitation – showing interest and waiting for reciprocation. Puckering my lips. Following the ninety-ten rule. Waiting. Waiting... Wai-

His lips pressed against mine. Soft, but strong lips. He was completely clueless about kissing, I could tell when his nose kept poking my own. That just made it all sweeter – in my opinion at least. I let me hands glide upwards, grabbing his ears. I tilted his head slightly to one side, but broke the kiss soon after. A first kiss is meant to be sweet... I think.

He took a few steps back, almost tripping over his own two feet. He squeaked out something about seeing me later, tripped on a perfectly level ground and kinda... I dunno. Too fast to be a crawl, but I couldn't really call it anything else. He was on all fours and kinda just hightailed out outta there. I bit on my lip to keep myself from laughing.

Somehow having the power to turn the usually cool, collected Jei into a gibbering idiot... it was _so ~cute~_. My heart was fluttering the whole time.

* * *

Time passed fairly quickly after that day. Between studying my tessen and their potential, practicing my Suiton jutsu, the little Iryou Ninjutu I knew, annoying the shit out of sensei every time he dragged us Ichirakus... and sneaking in a another few dates with Jei.

We weren't a couple, mind you. We were just really close friends... that kissed now and again. Hell, I might even put that under CPR training measures! Mouth to mouth could save a life one day!

"Team 7 reporting for duty!" Kouji and Daichi hammed it up like this every single time we went into Ka-san's office. Sure I didn't call her anything other than Hokage-sama while on duty, but that was as far as I went.

"Ah yes. Team 7." I kinda blocked this part out. I knew where it was going, and I was not getting involved. Kouji would jump up and say he wanted more of a challenge. Daichi would try to calm him down before he got Ka-san upset with him. Sensei would say something wise and insightful – or just plain old wacky and out there. And lo and behold:

"So you think you're ready for a C-class mission, huh?" Ka-san asked, more curious than upset. And look it, I even got the timing down. Everyone turned to me. I just rolled my eyes – having seen this part coming too. "Ai, your sensei thinks your team can handle this. What do you think?"

"That my Hokage and my sensei would both have a better grasp of the situation that I." I smiled at Ka-san, offering her a slight nod of my head to show that I knew we were ready. There was much happiness and warmth in her chakra. What could I do but smile a little brighter?

"Very well. There is a message that needs to be delivered the Takumi no sato." The artisan's village? Cool! "As well as a corresponding message that must be taken back here. It shouldn't take more than two weeks."

"Consider it done." Sensei spoke in his usual voice. "Team 7, meet at the South Gate in one hour." Sensei said that time frame more to me. Yeah, yeah. I had to check if the guys were properly equipped. I got it.

The guys and I left, with sensei staying behind for some reason. Probably some extra shit that I didn't need to know about. Either way! My first time out the village! Takumi here I come!

* * *

I told the guys that I'd get my stuff in order and meet them at their place. Then I rushed home to check my equipment. Logically it should all still be in the scroll I sealed it in weeks ago, but that was not something I was taking for granted.

Having made it to my room, I got out my camping scroll and unsealed everything to check it was still there, then sealed it all back. Tent, futon, sheets, two extra uniforms, three extra underwear, tooth brush and tooth paste, deodorant, three towels to bathe with, six wash rags, shampoo and conditioner, sanitary items, rations bars, canned foods (rations bars sucked!), a week's worth of bottled water (checked the 'best-used-by date as well), first aid kits, stretcher, soldier pills, and some spending cash (thirty-five thousand Ryou, I counted it to be sure). Yup, all there.

After that I checked my weapons, pouches, projectile count (kunai, senbon, sowing needles, pellets for my slingshot and specially prepared eggs) and fuuin check (scrolls, inks, brushes, and twenty already prepared explosive tags). Check.

Then I informed Kosuke and Inaho that I'd be gone for two weeks (Kosuke had some time off and I asked Inaho to help aunty Ituko if she ever needed it). I gave Fuki a new scroll on this cool Taijutsu style uncle Gai had been teaching me on my days off, and bugged Kohada and her horny hubby about when they were making me an aunt – she blushed just a little deeper than she normally would, so there would be a surprise awaiting me on my return I should think.

After that it was as simple as giving the girls (the one in our home and the two across the street) and hug and a few kisses and making them promise to be good while I was gone. And getting teased by aunty Itsuko that Jei should be back from his mission by then too. Team 8 had been sent to Nami to collect a payment from the bridge builder there. Yes, they got a C-class mission first. So did Konohamaru's team – the day after Jei's. I didn't care. We were going at our pace.

"Better go check on the guys. They can be so helpless sometimes..."

* * *

Once at Kouji's house, I was immediately invited in and dragged upstairs. The guys had done it again! Every item in their scrolls were unsealed and they couldn't remember what went where.

…

…

…

Seriously?

"Dorks." I got down to business. I grabbed both their scrolls and started sealing things like there was no tomorrow. The only thing I heard was a sound I called 'multi-poofing'. It was like a single poof that got recorded, put in a child's toy and given to someone with ADHD and a sugar rush. There was simply no way to distinguish between the end of one and the beginning of the next poof!

The guys were coughing up something vital from all the smoke. "And that's why you need to do your fucking fuuin katas like I fucking told you to!" The smoke didn't bother me in the least – I was used to it. I'll be damned if I understood where the smoke came from, why it didn't need any ventilation to disperse, or why it always smelled like fresh gym socks (don't act like you've never smelled gym socks to see if they were clean!). Those were just mysteries of jutsu.

"Ai-chan's so cool!" Daichi gushed. _Really_? You guys fuck it all up, and call me cool for getting it right?

"Yeah, she's like a super geek!" Kouji announced, stars in his eyes.

"And don't you forget it. Now, did you two check your weapons caches? Load up your gear? Brush your teeth?" They looked at each other, then dashed for the bathroom. Seriously... how dorky can you be? You don't start a mission with yellow teeth!

While they were gone, I checked their quivers – which they left on the desk. They were almost empty. Quick trip to the outfitters, roger!

I made my way downstairs to talk to the lady of the house. After explaining the situation she decided to announce, "I thought it was weird that the boys came home in such a rush." _Really_? (^-^)''

"We shouldn't be gone more than two weeks." I said, in lieu of what she really needed to hear – or what I really wanted to say.

"You'll keep an eye on the boys for me, won't you Ai-chan?"

"I will bring them both home safe and sound. I give you my word." I bowed – something the formality of the situation demanded.

"I know you will." She placed her hands on my shoulders, smiling. "You've always taken such good care of them. Thank you." She hugged me, damn near bathing me in an odd mixture of pride (that her babies were all grown up), worry (that something could go wrong) and comfort (they'd have me looking out for them).

"And please make sure they change their underwear regularly. You know how boys can be." Mothers will always be a class apart. It was cool if someone threw kunai and exploding shit at you... so long as you put on clean underwear afterward.

* * *

After a trip to the Sengo's and adding a few hundred arrows (they were like fifty Ryou a piece) to their scrolls, it was time to start heading to South Gate. South Gate was the plaza where you go for the shinobi markets (it was the more common exit to take, so the merchants tried to sell anything they could get their hands on that a shinobi might or might not need on their missions). If you were lucky you could find some really cool gadgets and gizmos and sometimes a jutsu scroll or two. It was _also_ where the Southern gate could be found – _hidden_ meanings, gotta love 'em. There was also West and East Gate – wanna guess why they were named that?

We still had like twenty minutes – I'm efficient like that – so I decided to check out a few stands. There weren't many interesting things this time around. A special on kunai, but they looked used. Some stands had maps to villages or more general maps of areas or countries. There was even a stand with strategic maps with geological information (ground heights, slope angles, general composition of the soil and vegetation density). I got a regular map of Takumi and the geo-survey one to accompany it – you just never knew sometimes. I even got a scroll on its history for free!

Daichi was better suited for the geo-survey map, so I shoved it down the back of his shirt. He did the wackiest dance to try to get it out! :-3 "Ai-chaaaan!"

Kouji got the other map pelted in the back of his head. He was crying out about one form of abuse or another. "Consider it penance for lying about doing the fuuin kata I taught you guys!"

* * *

"Alright, sproutlings. At a civies' pace we would make it to Takumi in a week. We're going to make it there in five days. Questions?"

"Uhh, what's the rush?" Daichi asked.

"Yeah, sensei! It's not like we're doing anything to save the world or something!" Kouji added his two cents.

"Guys, give it up. Sensei is trying to use this as motivation to train us so that we can actually do it if lives depended on it." I broke it down. Come the fuck on! It wasn't that hard!

"Exactly." Sensei smiled at me. Was this why I was always included in gauging the guys' skills? "Now, we're going to be learning one skill and one jutsu before we reach Takumi. First up is tree jumping." I rolled my eyes.

"Sensei, you really need to stop reading those profiles. They might be misleading." I smiled pragmatically.

He rolled his eyes. "Fine. Twenty kilometer test, double time!" And we're off!

There was nearly two kilometer stretch with no trees at all, so we had to run the first part in an all out sprint. I still found enough time to admire the view though. The gentle rolling of the low hills in this direction was gorgeous! There were patches of underbrush, flower beds and a few farms that fell under Konoha protection out here. I could turn around and see the hustle and bustle of Konoha from here, but there was no sign of a major village or city anywhere to be seen. It was as if a grand genjutsu deleted all traces... of...

WAIT! If we worked on a genjutsu with a large enough area, we could probably make it look like Konoha wasn't even here! It would rock! Gotta talk to Ka-san about that when I get back.

Anyway, once we hit the treeline, we jumped up to the lowest level of branches. That was our leg up to the middle line – 'cruising altitude' was the _technical_ term for it. Why did everything need a fucking name? Oh yeah, to make sure everyone that was intended to understand knew, while no one else had a clue. Riiiight.

Sensei eventually made a sign for a break – hand up, palm forward, fingers extended and spread apart casually. Had his hand been balled into a fist, it would be a sign for 'Heads up!' and we had to pay attention for orders.

"Not bad." He commented. His so called 'twenty kilometer test' turned into a four hour sprint! We were all winded, but we kept up well enough. "We still need to work on your stamina though." Asshole!

"We covered more ground than I expected to cover today." We've been a team for nearly three weeks and he still didn't know us! Fucking- "So after lunch we will take today to teach you the shunshin no jutsu."

The body flicker technique? SUUUWWEEEEEEEET! I just needed to stop hyperventilating. Kinda important. But maybe sweating like a pig was worse?

* * *

"The technique you are about to learn is sacred. It is the most versatile and most deadly of all the jutsu I have learned thus far." When did sensei get so long winded? There's something wrong with him. Seriously! "You are not to underestimate this technique. And just like the Kawarimi no jutsu, you _will_ master this jutsu."

Any time you're ready... "The hand sign is simple enough: Ram. But it's the other details that make or break a good shunshin. For example, calculating distance and angle. If you get it wrong, you could end up shunshinning off a cliff, or right into a wall or someone's blade." Comforting. (-.-)''

"Another important thing to remember is the amount of chakra needed and where what percentage of it has to be applied." He motioned for all of us to look at a tree in front of us. Yeah, we were practicing this in the middle of a clearing, but facing the vegetation. Wonderful.

"Your first shunshin will be a five meter, straight forward jump. And yes, Shunshin no jutsu is the name of the technique, but one technique could easily consist of up to fifty jumps." No it didn't. Shunshin itself is actually a singular jump! How the fuck could he...?

He was proud of this jutsu. Very proud of it. Was it his signature? As much as green and gay was uncle Gai's thing? What? I'd been trying to set him up on every chick in Konoha! All he did was talk about Lee. If they weren't already fucking, they will be.

"Make the handseal, build up chakra in your calves, heels and the pads just before your toes. For a forward jump, you need more than fifty percent of the needed chakra in those pads. The rest you will have to figure out as you go." He was already marking a section in front of each tree – less than a meter from it and only a quarter meter in diameter. "Try to land in the circle."

"Oh," He was already walking off, but he seemed to want to point out one last thing – a conveniently nearly forgotten afterthought. "hitting the tree is not a good idea." Something was wrong with that man. (-.-)'' Really, **really** wrong.

Logically, seeing as this was set up to make us either hit the tree or make us extra cautious to put the minimal amount of chakra into the technique, I started with the same amount of chakra that would be needed for a Kawarimi (the substitution). Which meant...?

**thud.**

I hit the tree, but luckily not very hard. "Mou!" I rubbed my forehead.

"Ai-chan!" What was I made of? **Glass**?

"I'm fine!" I held out a hand to tell them to give me a second. "It takes about the same as a kawarimi. But the balance is ten times more sensitive."

**THUD!**

"ITEE!" Kouji just figured out what I meant.

**CRACK!**

That fucking tree just got bulldozed, but Daichi's helmet took the worst of it. I still couldn't believe he tricked me into buying him a new fucking helmet!

Still... Maybe I should have warned them about the roller coaster feeling in my gut and slight vertigo? Nah... they were trying to use me as a fucking ginea pig, so they got theirs.

Assholes.

Well, either way we each went back to the starting position and focused once again.

**thud. THUD! CRACK!**

Was it just me, or did this go wrong according to muscle mass? Or maybe it was about chakra control? Or maybe I was just the lightest of us and therefore had an unfair advantage? Who knew...

* * *

Kouji... broken nose, slightly concussed. Daichi... needed to get a new helmet when we got home. I kinda value that damnable thing a bit more now. Me...? Funny that my chakra control got worse as I got tired. I think I dislocated my shoulder once or twice, and I felt like a human sized bruise.

But you should see the other guy! Those trees weren't getting up **any** time soon! If only we weren't learning a supplementary jutsu...

Sensei was merciless with our training too – as usual. I was allowed to heal the worst of the damage we sustained, but bruises and scrapes weren't allowed. And if we took longer than a minute break, he'd throw a kunai at us! And I didn't mean in our general direction. More like move-or-die, at us!

A fucking kunai! Was he crazy? I'd expect shit like that from Anko! But calm, levelheaded Hayama-sensei? I was _soo_ hooking him up with Anko when we got back.

Oh, and where was sensei throughout this entire episode? Leering in the shadows somewhere, laughing his fucking ass off!

"Alright, sun's set. Ai, you can tend to the guys." He of course announced that right before I made for a jump... which meant I put a little too much chakra into the technique. Which of course landed me in the fucking tree **again**!

"**SENSEEEEEEEEEEEEIII**!" I complained, already trying to focus the iryou ninjutsu to ease the swelling I could already feel from a welt.

Once the worst of it was dealt with, I tended to Kouji. Daichi's helmet took most of the blows, so he could hold on a bit longer. I instructed the patient to sit down, focusing on the jutsu. My hands started glowing green almost immediately, and my brain was being flooded with information as I went to work.

"Ow ow ow ow ow OW _OW_ _**OW**_!"

"Stop being a baby, Kouji! This technique **relieves** the pain!" I'm tired, and he's the one fucking complaining? I should leave his ass deal with it till morning!

Bruised muscles, hairline fractures, minor internal bleeding... he was a fucking mess! "Jeez, Kouji! Try not to kill yourself next time!"

He didn't vocalize an answer, but there was guilt and much disappointment looming around him. No point in making it worse, so I just left him to his own thoughts – he would talk when he was ready.

Next up was Daichi. Luckily his helmet and body armor took the edge off, so all he had was some bruising (_some_ muscle bruises, but mostly just surface bruises).

"Done!" I announced, right on time to hear the alligator in my gut. WRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

"Hehehehe. Ai-chan's hungry?" Daichi teased. Kouji was already fishing in his backpack though.

"Here. It isn't much, but it'll hold you until dinner." He offered me a chocolate bar – my favorite brand and flavor too!

"Kaizu's pure chocolate bar with almonds!" I could have kissed him right then – I was that grateful!

"With everything Ai-chan does for us, it's the least we could do." The guilt in Kouji's chakra was becoming a bit much.

"What are you talking about? We're a team! We take care of _each_ _other_." I smiled, already unwrapping the bar and breaking it in three equal pieces. I gave them each their share, happily munching down on my own. "Chocolate is a girl's best friend!"

Daichi left, saying that he was going to hunt for some dinner – a dark cloud looming over him. I understood, but it was still a bit much. "Ai-chan... please... let us do something for you too sometimes." Kouji said – his heart leaden with guilt.

"Look, we'll be working our asses off to make it to the Chuunin Selection Exams in Kumo. I have an appointment with some people there. If you and Daichi can help me get there, and bring me back in one piece... it'll all be a worthy investment." They'd never complained about it, but I knew their family was always short on cash. So when Kouji and Daichi started doing missions, they could actually start carrying there own weight and help Kouji's parents out. I'd give them my missions pay as well, saying that Ka-san already gave me everything I could ever need. Even those stupid little tests from the ANBU, I always made sure they got paid for it! All their equipment, their weapons, the regular care said equipment needed, the extra classes with Tenten and Yun. I'd paid for it all. Then with me being the team's medic as well... I could understand how they felt.

I'd been trying to beat it in their brains that I was merely repaying them for everything they'd done for me, but they never listened! They saw standing by my side through it all as the very least I could do, and simply ignored my cries that I was doing exactly the same thing.

"Ai-chaaan...!" Kouji fought back the tears as best he could, but the gratitude he felt was a bit much – I almost ended up crying.

"So how's things with you and Choco-chan? Did you ask her out yet?" Best to change the subject and let things lay.

* * *

"Alright, now I want each of you to get some rest. We'll be covering a lot more ground tomorrow." Sensei instructed. "Ai, you have first watch. Then Kouji, then Daichi. I'll take the graveyard shift."

"~Haaaaaai!~" I chirped. I was always in a better mood after food settled in my stomach. Sensei went into his tent and fell right to sleep. I couldn't wait to learn how to do that! A lot of the time I had trouble sleeping, especially if something was on my mind.

"I'm gonna go get in some extra training then." Daichi said, heading back in the direction of the clearing. One didn't camp in the same spot one trained. Kouji, not surprisingly, went with him. That left me alone – unless I counted sensei's light snores as company. I didn't mind, I knew the guys had some tension to work off.

Well, this way I got to read up on my tessen some more! I fished in my backpack for Kibou's scroll. Yes, all the good stuff was sealed in scrolls, but people underestimated genin with large bags to carry their stuff.

The simpler functions were pretty easy to understand – loading the needles, adding a liquid that would be applied to each needle when fired, even the firing mechanism was simple enough. But there were more complex things to worry about. Things like the unique katas Tenten and uncle Sengo designed for it. Things like how to check if the safety was on, and how to switch it on and off. Things like setting rapid or single fire. Things like the 'Feathers of Heaven jutsu'... that could take years to master!

I didn't know who designed what on Kibou... but they were brilliant! Every angle you studied it from, showed true genius.

Let's not even get started on Shin! The basic design was slightly different than Kibou, in that there was a paper that wrapped around the ribs to form to surface of the fan. But in lieu of the 'senbon' launcher... Those fuuins were dangerous! The only problem was that I couldn't test them on dummies, and it didn't feel right testing it on friends. I'd just have to wait until I got into a real fight to see what these babies could do!

Speaking of fights... the CSE. We needed to do a minimum of eight missions to apply, which we already did and more. But more than that, we needed to prove to sensei we could handle it. Ka-san could apply some pressure on him, but he had the final say. Maybe I could talk to him about doing at least one C-rank a month? Maybe we could help at the Academy to show what we're capable of? They have been begging every shinobi for some more jutsu to teach the students, maybe we could design one simple enough for them?

I could always discuss the details with Iruka-sensei when we got back. Jeez, I'd better write down all the things I need done! The list is getting longer by the minute!

Hmm, maybe showing sensei a little more of what I can actually do would help? I just wasn't used to showing off – and that's not negating the fact that I prefer not to have any assholes hounding me to get any of my weapons!

More important still, was sensei's decree that I could only use one weapon until further notice. For the most part I didn't mind, but it really was starting to bog me down! There was no way around it, other than training with my other weapons on my off days, or at night. The only trouble was that I was simply too tired at night, and my off days were either spent with uncle Gai, or the guys. Or Saru-ji-chan if he was in town.

Which wasn't a disaster in and of itself, but it meant that my very basic skills would quickly fall into disuse. Maybe Ka-san was right, maybe I was spreading myself a little thin. But what did that mean? I mean, if I stopped practicing, it was essentially pointless to keep the weapons – I enjoyed training with them, but mounting them on my bedroom wall wasn't exactly my idea of stylish.

I hadn't even replaced the tonfa or the trench knives yet – I was still contemplating if I should. Hmm, so much needed dealing with.

Then there was always the deal with Ka-san. She said that things should be set up by the end of this CSE. I didn't mean to doubt her, but I had my reservations as to whether or not it would actually come to fruition. Still, that might actually solve some problems, though it created entirely knew ones.

Well, either way, I had a mission to complete. Simplistic though it was.

* * *

The next morning marked a new beginning for me. Not because I had come to any actual decisions, but because I woke up to the most beautiful melody I had ever heard. The song was a bit sad, but it somehow lifted me up at the same time – like there was always going to be someone to share that sadness with.

Making my way out of my tent, I found everyone already awake. The guys were sitting down around the fire, with sensei playing a pan flute. Seriously? I didn't know he had any musical aptitude.

I didn't know the name of the song, but I fell in love with it. The second sensei saw me, he stopped playing. "Mou, sensei!"

"There'll be more time once we reach Takumi." He said, putting the instrument away. It somehow matched him though, now that I thought about it. A wind user, using a wind instrument. Oh well, shit to do.

Without being told to, we struck camp. '_Always set up camp before dinner, always strike camp before breakfast._'

We ate in silence – one rations bar a piece and some water to wash it down. Rations bars **sucked**!

After a good stretch, we were once again on the road. Sensei was taking up the rear, again. Kouji and Daich were up ahead. Again! So that left me... surprise, surprise... in the fucking middle. _AGAIN_!

There wasn't a doubt in my mind that they were doing it on purpose. And really, I could understand the reasons behind it. It just fucking pissed me off sometimes!

Well, whatever! They weren't getting on my bad side. Although I would give Ka-san an earful over this!

We ran, we jumped, we hopped... basically we just kept moving from dawn to midday. Sure we took a few brakes, usually no longer than twenty minutes to keep our blood warm. But mostly it was just running. And running. And jumping, lots of jumping!

It left me with a lot of time to think. As usual. Thinking seemed to be the only thing I had time for. Well, it was for the best. There were a lot of things I wanted done. Some more complex than others. I had a list a mile long, and there was no way to get it all done alone!

Oh well. That's what makes life so challenging.

* * *

"Alright, sproutlings. Time for part two of Shunshin training." He really meant that we were going to make the most of this trip.

I didn't reply – had no energy for it. He was literally pushing us a little harder each day. Not just to find our limits, but to obliterate them. "As you can no doubt tell, doing the Shunshin is simple enough. But doing it _right_ is incredibly difficult."

"So this time we're doing something a little different: you're going to shunshin with weights." He tossed a pair of bracers and shin guards at us – which would have killed me had I not caught them. "Put those on. we can start adding the weights when you get used to them."

That pretty much meant that both Kouji and Daichi had to take off their archery bracers – which they weren't too pleased with. I wasn't too thrilled either, seeing as I had to take off my scroll!

Anyway, I sat on the ground and rolled up the scroll, placing it in my lap. I snapped the bracers open, noticing three reinforced straps on one side. I placed my right forearm in the first one, snapping it closed. I fiddled with the straps for a bit, but I simply couldn't tie it properly with one hand.

"Here." Sensei wrapped the first strap around my arm five times and tied some funny knot into it, repeating the process with the other straps and then my other arm. Without adding any weights at all... and my arms felt heavy. Seriously, these things must have weighed like fifteen kilos each! How did Lee live with these things on?

After that sensei went to help the guys as well, leaving me to figure out the shin guards. I couldn't wear them under my pants legs – especially since my pants were skin tight. So I slipped my right leg into the first one, slipping my foot into the lower strap. Then I pulled all the mini-straps tight.

After repeating the process with the second shin guard... I stood up. I felt heavy.

I weighed twenty-nine and a half kilos on my own. And I probably just strapped sixty kilos to my person! I felt fucking _heavy_!

"Alright, you all look ready. Try to shunsin again." This was fucking crazy! It'd take... far more chakra...

"So because it takes more chakra, it's harder to overdo it." I was already focusing more or less twice the amount I used yesterday for the same distance. I wasn't too surprised when I fell short, but it was still astounding! No one fell short yesterday.

Looking over my shoulder, I noticed that the guys did exactly the same thing. "The three of you need to work on chakra control. But this will help make it easier." Sensei explained. As much as it sucked, he was probably right.

"True, but sucky chakra control usually means large reserves, right?" I hoped.

"That's one explanation." Mou! That didn't say _anything_!

"Now stop gawking at your shortcomings and get to work." Sensei was such a prick sometimes! He needed to get laid. And soon!

* * *

Another day, another rations bar for dinner. Sensei really meant for us to get used to this life quickly. I didn't know why, but I sensed Ka-san's fingerprints all over it. She would have wanted to be here, teaching me these things herself. I knew that. But being the leader of the village meant she almost never got that chance.

I prayed that one day I would get that chance with her – to have her undivided attention for just twenty-four hours.

Once again, I got first watch. Sensei was snoring the second his head hit the pillow. Kouji and Daichi went for more training again. That left me, once again, with more than enough time to think, to research, to plan. To drive myself up a fucking wall.

Well, whatever. I just fished out my scroll on Kibou again, deciding to keep on reading. There was a side note written in Ka-san's handwriting – tips on which poisons had which effects and how to make some of them. I didn't know if I wanted to use poisons and the like, but I wouldn't discard it out of hand simply on principle.

Hmm, there were a lot of useful ones. Painkillers – which might sound odd, but you couldn't tell how bad off you were until it was too late that way. '_If Shinobi X was hit by fifty senbon and was bleeding to death, but felt no pain. How many senbon actually hit him?_' Neurotoxins – not to be confused with painkillers, seeing as these usually amplified pain. Hallucinogens – could be fun. Holy shit! Ka-san put the recipe for a liquid XTC in here! What the fuck?

'_You bitch! I can't decide if I want to kill you or hug you! Just... come here! We'll figure this out!_' Shit, if I didn't kill them they'd come back begging for more! There'd be thousands of junkie shinobi buying my shit by the senbon full! I could start a club with Tekuno-sensei as the DJ and Hayama-sensei as the bouncer. We'd be rich, biatch!

Mou! You see why no one should give me much time to think! I always came up with the weirdest shit!

Moving on.

There were other things too, like what was referred to as a berserker serum. Well, that was pure bullshit – it was just insulin. Basically insulin broke down sugar in the blood, but if the sugar level dropped too low...

I remember a guy, a diabetic, that took insulin but didn't eat on time. He got aggressive, and slightly... psychotic. Seriously, he was taking his own shit and rubbing his face in it, making drawings on the wall... all kinds of deranged shit. And after a specially trained crew dealt with him, he didn't remember a thing. All that was left, was the feeling of being unwell.

That was something that could prove interesting, but unethical as hell!

Nope, not trying that.

* * *

"Dear diary, sensei is one **sadistic** basard!" I complained, wondering what in the holy fucking nine flaming hells possessed this man to think this was a good idea. It was day three of our shunshin training. DAY 3!

"Stop yapping, start cracking!" Sensei instructed. After making us run all fucking morning, after three fucking days of not allowing us to eat anything but rations bars and drink nothing but water... sensei decided to make us shunshin from one branch to the next! Ten meters off the ground!

This way we train and cover ground, he says. It's fool proof, he says. No asshole, it's _suicide_!

But did he care? No. Did he stop? Hell no! Did I hate every bone in his body? Almost.

We did it anyway.

The added weight made it much harder to move – the greater ease with which we could operate the jutsu didn't help that. And most branches were either lower or higher, so level ground was shot straight to hell! And if we took too long? You guessed it! More kunai!

We learned to not fuck it up REAL quick. And sensei pointed out that it was on us if someone fell and broke their neck! So we had to keep a close fucking eye on each other too...

And so... after running and jumping all morning... we got to shunshin and jump all afternoon... yippee?

I was **not** a happy camper.

* * *

When we reached Takumi, I nearly kissed the guards that welcomed us! I didn't even care that Kiba was one of them. I was that fucking grateful to see a place that sensei wasn't allowed to enforce his 'training methods'. And it was day five... just so it was officially known!

In two and a half fucking days... we were chased across the remainder of the route across the Land of Fire and the entire route in the Land of Rivers.

At first, sensei was content with just throwing a kunai at us if we waiting too long between 'jumps'. But once we got the hang of it, he started throwing kunai at us if we didn't jump far enough. Then, once we got the distance to a point he wasn't pissed with... that's when he started throwing kunai simply because we needed to learn to dodge!

That. Fucking. Sadistic. Anko-impersonating. Heartless. Son. Of. A. BITCH!

"I'll report in. You guys can take the next three days to loiter around." We were gone before he had the chance to blink!

And where were we heading? "FOOD!" The first place that sold, or simply housed anything that was not a rations bar!

"I'll take three orders of whatever you're offering!" Kouji bragged. He didn't care what it was, and I wasn't far behind him.

"Um, I'll have the same!" Fuck that! Timing placed me behind him. Daichi ordered the same.

"Anything to drink?"

"**NOT WATER!"** We announced together.

"Ai-chan, you shouldn't order blindly at a restaurant." Hinata-nee found us, just as the waitress was walking off. "You know you're a vegetarian."

"Ah, I'll make sure she gets a proper meal then!" The waitress declared, seeming almost glad to have something to work with.

"Hina-nee! How you been?" I asked. I had no patience for proper, and proper grammar fell into that category at the moment.

We got into some small talk, but that ended the second food arrived! I grabbed my chopsticks from in my sleeve – their chopsticks were okay, but I liked mine (the blue ones Yun gave me two years ago!) – and dug in with a reckless abandon! Rice was flying all over the place, I think one of Kouji's drumsticks fell on the ground a few times – he kept picking it back up, so I couldn't confirm that. And Daichi... well, he was the one grabbing food out of the air!

I honestly had no idea how he continuously managed it, but that one drumstick Kouji kept dropping was the only speck of food that hit the ground! And even then, it didn't break the ten second rule.

* * *

"I can't believe he did that!" Hinata-nee and I were walking around, doing some shopping. The guys already hightailed it to an inn to get some actual sleep.

"Oh, he did it alright! But, you have to admit that we've mastered the jutsu in five days. That's pretty impressive." Why was I defending that shittard? "He's as sadistic as they come, but his methods are effective."

"But still!" Couldn't argue there.

"Hello ladies! Can I interest you in a lovely shield? Perhaps a custom made sword? I see the little lady carries and umbrella, I can customize that for you!" Some guy was showing off his wares. I didn't like the way he kept ogling us, so we didn't stay very long.

"Are they like this all the time?" I asked.

"It seems so." Was all Hinata would say. It felt like we were walking into a market for shinobi! Weapons of every size, shape, color, style and craft were on sale. And I got the distinct impression that these were just the displays...

"Ladies, welcome to Takumi and welcome to my humble shop." A gentle voice called us. I turned to see a woman with jade green hair and two bright yellow locks at the front.

"Well, she's not ogling us. So we can look around." I teased, getting a blush from Hinata (she'd noticed it, but didn't want to say anything) and a sympathetic smile from the woman.

"I'm sorry about them. They aren't quite used to dealing with customers directly. Before Konoha started patrolling our village for us, we only had messengers passing through with orders from or clients." She explained, but quickly got down to business. "My name is Kujaku, and as an apology for them, I'll give you twenty percent off any purchase of customization you want."

"Ai-chan, you know your sensei won't be happy with you if you go and buy more weapons again." Came the warning.

"I'm just looking! Buying comes after..." I defended – sort of.

"Ooh, do I have a budding weapon master visiting my shop?" She seemed almost impressed... regarding my age, if my guess was right.

"No, not even close. I'm lightyears behind Tenten." I rolled my eyes.

"Sengo Tenten? Brown hair, odango styled. Brown eyes, pink shirt." She was well informed if nothing else.

"That's her! She's trying to teach me, but I'm no where near where I need to be." I explained, still I might want to be a bit more careful around her. Dropping names is one thing, but this-

"Then you must be Senju Ai. She talks about you all that time! And what are you talking about with 'trying'? She said that you were practically adopted into her clan for your talent with your weapons!" Well, at least she was whispering for the most part. Still... whatever.

"What-"

"You have Kibou and Shin with you? I would love to see how well you've learned to use them!"

**End Chapter 12**

* * *

_**A/N: This chapter felt a bit off, to be honest. I wanted to put in more action, but Ai wouldn't have been able to think properly through most of the training. Don't worry though, more action will be coming in the next chapter. And in case any of you are wondering, yes Kujaku is the woman from the group that tried to capture Gaara in the last Arc before Shippuden started. More information about Takumi and the changes wrought to follow as well!**_

_**And, Ai will be taking some personal lessons in the next chapter. She has three days... let's see what she can learn!**_


	13. A change in the wind?

**Cosmic Comedy**

**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**

**Here we are: the turning point. I hope you all enjoy it, and I apologize for how late it is.**

* * *

"Then you must be Senju Ai. She talks about you all that time! And what are you talking about with 'trying'? She said that you were practically adopted into her clan for your talent with your weapons!" Well, at least she was whispering for the most part. Still... whatever.

"What-"

"You have Kibou and Shin with you? I would love to see how well you've learned to use them!"

I panicked! I couldn't help it... I stuttered out something, excusing myself and got the hell outta there!

Fuck running! I shunshinned outta there to find the guys, my every sense going absolutely apes-shit! I felt Hinata-nee's confusion and... Kujaku's... guilt.

Still, I ran. And I wondered. What the fuck was wrong with Tenten? Didn't she know the risks of telling secrets? People were killed each and every day in the name of secrets! Some for the sake of finding the secret, but most for the sake of covering them up. Now I understood why! Even allies could reveal things you didn't want them to.

But Tenten? She should know better! Ji-chan always used to talk about the value of keeping the secrets of one's weapon the ultimate secret! Not even your lover was to know! It was an intimate knowledge only those who had fallen by your hands were privied to.

"Whoa, Ai-chan! Where's the fire?!" Kouji asked, putting Daichi on full alert. They both brandished their weapons, looking at everything at once.

"You guys arrange a room yet?" I asked. We were in the middle of the street, but at least we were alone.

"Yeah, we were just coming to tell you where." Daichi motioned for Kouji to lead the way, then nudged me to walk up while he took the rear. For once, I didn't even think to complain about their protective tendencies – I was that freaked out!

They led me down an alley, left down another street, and into an inn. Up to the third floor and in the last door at the end of the hall.

I leered into every shadow every step of the way!

"Ai-chan, wha-" Before Daichi could even finish his question, I... I... ... ...

"It's alright, Ai-chan. We've got you, okay?" Daichi held me in his arms, with Kouji sandwiching me into a... well, a cocoon really. They couldn't talk their way out of a wet paper bag, they fumbled every time I asked them anything with emotional content, hell they were as goofy and dorky as they come!

But... I was safe with them. They'd always helped me feel that way. I just wished... they understood that...

"You still didn't sa-"

"Drop it Kouji! I don't wanna talk about it!" I murmured. I really didn't want to get into what freaked me out! Not even the guys knew what my weapons could do, and I wanted to keep it like that!

Talking about weapons night and day with Yun and Tenten was totally different than this! They were all ideas, plausible... theoretical! They never talked about weapons they made, or used or trained with. Neither did I!

"Ai-chan, we'll protect you with our lives. You know that. But we don't deserve this." Daichi had a point. It didn't make it any easier on my nerves, but... he was right.

This was going to suck. Greatly. "Well..."

* * *

"That's the big secret?" Kouji complained, all hurt innocence. "I thought you killed a Kage, or something!" I gave him a dirty look.

"What he means is that this isn't that big a deal. Sure we'd have to be extra careful, but it isn't something we can't prepare for." Daichi seemed to be the voice of reason between the two of them. Something I was still getting used to – seeing as he barely ever spoke.

"Whatever..." I looked away.

"Ai-chan needs to remember that we're a team. We won't let you fall no matter how tough things get." When did Daichi get so suave with words?

I didn't answer, but at least they both seemed content with leaving it at that. Until...

"I know you're there, Hinata." The door slid open of its own accord – no point in asking to come in if you were already announced. She stood there, not moving for a long moment.

"Kujaku-san wanted to apologize for her behavior earlier. I don't think she knew just how close you've grown to the Sengos." She explained seriously. She didn't seem upset with me, so at least she understood my reaction.

"..." I already figured all that out, but that didn't excuse-

"She knows it was wrong of her to make assumptions. And she would like the opportunity to make it up to you." I knew that Hinata was pretty much a human lie detector – a fortunate side effect of her kekkei genkai (bloodline limit). And I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that this was just misunderstanding. More so because neither Tenten nor Hinata would ever knowingly put me in such a position.

Still, knowing all that... it was a scary situation to be in! I took a few deep breaths, hoping to soothe the last of my worries. "Come on, Ai-chan. It can't be that bad. Not with us watching your back!" Kouji had to be his usual, over-the-top self. But Daichi nodded to show that he agreed with him.

I hmmed, smiling just a little. "Come on, Imouto-chan." Hinata didn't call me 'little sister' very often, but I had to fight back a goofy smile each time she did. "Let's go face the big bad peahen you were so afraid of." I rolled my eyes, wondering how long I'd have to hear about this incident.

* * *

We eventually made our way back to the stand where a much more subdued Kujaku stood waiting. She had closed the shop for the day, and was clearly waiting on us.

"I didn't think Hinata-san..." Her eyes seemed to be a broken window to her soul at that point – a stark contrast to the bright, warm eyes that greeted me hours ago.

"I would like to speak with you, Kujaku-san. Privately, if possible." I said. She nodded, having expected as much.

We followed her deeper into the sleepy town, into a street I would describe as a driveway... and into a forge that I would have confused for a barn any other time.

On entering, I noticed that this forge also doubled as a sitting room, and probably a guest room as well. There were tatami mats and a low table in one corner. She was obviously used to entertaining guests as she worked.

"Please..." She motioned for us to make ourselves comfortable. Hinata-nee sat on one side, with our host, while Kouji and Daichi flanked me on the other. Once everyone was comfortable, Kujaku got up once again offering tea, but not waiting to hear if we actually wanted.

A pot was placed over the hearth – the same spot where her weapons were forged if my guess was right. She took her time, letting the water boil, adding the tea leaves and letting the tea steep properly.

The second she sat down with everything though, "Senju-sama, please accept my humblest apologies. I wasn't thinking when I-"

My patient smile silenced her better than anything I could have come up with otherwise. I barely knew the woman, but there was just something about her that wouldn't let me stay mad at her. "It's alright. I understand what happened."

"No, please. I-"

"My fears made this far worse than-"

We kept going back and forward for like five minutes. Her telling me – emphatically – that her mouth and her excitement always landed her in trouble with customers. My telling her that I was too paranoid for my own good.

Eventually, Hinata-nee settled it by asking Kujaku how she knew about my tessen. The logical answer of course being,"I made them." That still left me speechless. Of course she'd want to know how well the wielder of her weapons knew to use them.

"I was approached about two years ago by a tanned woman, saying that she needed something special. Something that had never been done before. A gift so elegant as to melt the heart of the girl her son was to give it to. " I immediately knew she meant aunty Itsuko, not that there were a whole lot of options on the matter. "She never said her name, or who the girl was... but she said that this item had to be perfect from every angle."

"I couldn't make anything perfect when I knew nothing of what was needed. All I was told was that it had to be a tessen. So I dreamed up two completely opposite weapons so that she could choose which one suited her needs best. One was light and sharp enough to cut through steel. The other was heavy, and had pretty paper to disguise it." Kibou and Shin... but Shin didn't feel any heavier than-

"Well, she liked them both. Only she needed the outer ribs of both to be hollow, with a slot to hide things in them. I've never had requests like that before..." She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. "Well, she came back three months ago to paint them herself, paid and left. Tenten was the one that told me about you and how my girls would serve you well."

I sipped at my tea, trying to digest it all. Kujaku clearly didn't know anything about the fuuins, or anything else about the inner workings of her own weapons – they were all added later. Still... the craftsmanship alone...

* * *

"Perfect from every angle..." I wondered, taking Kibou out of my leg pouch – my uniform didn't allow me to stow anything in my sleeves, and the weighted bracers weren't helping any. "Maybe that's it..." I flicked her open, admiring the painting and the exquisite craftsmanship.

The sign of a perfect lady. A hidden weapon. The picture of two lovers that the world didn't approve of.

Aunty Itsuko meant for me, and only me, to wield these tessen. She must have known that Naruto was also a jinchuuriki – she of all people would recognize the signs – and saw that I couldn't care less about that... She picked me for her son. She believed in her heart that I can make her son happy. That was a hell of an expectation to have placed on my shoulders!

I focused on the targets before me, wondering about that. Perfect from every angle... but she wouldn't have known I wanted senbon launchers... so it wasn't meant to be attack angles. She meant for them to be a defense.

Tessen had always been used as a hidden defensive weapon – very few every actually used them for an outright attack. No, they were more for deflecting projectiles and keeping nearby as an added insurance.

Thirty-seven centimeters long... a prime number so it can only be divided by itself and one... Why was I still analyzing this?! Something... I was still missing something. A meaning hidden somewhere in this fan.

I had been loading needles into the hidden bays for just over a week, so I knew there was no physical message hidden anywhere. Though I suspect she knew what having a weapon meant to a Sengo... Still, that was all circumstantial. Maybe... maybe she had a hidden meaning in wanting me to marry him? Was I to be his protection? Too little information. I needed to know more. The only person that could possibly know more was aunty Itsuko herself.

Loading seven needles to be fired at once, I swung Kibou widely. Seven soft thuds announced that each needle hit their mark.

"Sugoi!" Daichi murmured. I didn't know why – each needle was a few inches off their respective bull's eye.

"Don't get so excited. I still have a long way to go." I told him, loading up the next seven.

"That may be, but it is amazing none the less. You've had a week!" Kujaku was practically falling apart at the seams.

"Not quite, I've been working with senbon for two years." And my aim was still this bad. Everyone kept gushing about this, bragging about that. I ignored it all, focusing on those red dots set up at irregular intervals. I wasn't going to stop until I hit all seven exactly in the center of those damnable dots.

Another wide swing. Another series of soft thuds. Another reason to believe that the launcher was not firing with pin point accuracy. "Maybe you should let Tou-san check out that launcher when we get back. I think one of the pins is loose."

"A loose pin? I can take care of that!" Kujaku really was an excitable person...

* * *

"So that's why you need to solder each pin on four side..." Kouji seemed gobsmacked from what the jade haired one just said. Don't ask, they lost me the second they opened the outer rib bay.

"Yes, especially if you want top notch quality." I nodded at her words, acting like I knew what the hell was going on. "At any rate, it should where you want it to be." She flicked Kibou closed, offering her to me once again.

I took aim once again, loading another seven senbon and swung wide once again.

"..."

"Holy..."

"...Fuck!" I complained, getting a bunch of weird looks. "What? Now I **know** that I'm not missing because of the tessen."

"She missed?" Daichi was actually confused.

"Yes, I missed." Not one of the needles hit the exact center of the dot! What if they were moving? What if they were trying to dodge my attack? It may as well had missed entirely.

"Well, at least we know that everything is working perfectly." At least she understood my desire for perfection. "Now all we need to do is give her time to practice. By the way, did you learn that jutsu I designed for it?"

"Heaven's Feathers... no. I'm no where near that level yet." I admitted, my voice sour.

"Have you tried it? It isn't as complex as you think."

"I haven't dared to." I told her honestly. There were already so many things I had to deal with, so a chuunin level jutsu wasn't exactly something I was paying too much attention to just yet. Not when I still had to bug Ka-san to let me learn genin level jutsu!

Sometimes I thought that I should just learn the damn thing and tell Ka-san about it after.

"Come on, I'll show you." She motioned for me to give her Kibou. I was tempted, really I was. But Ka-san restricted me to jutsu she pre-approved.

Who knew if I would ever get this opportunity again? I mean, the one who crafted my tessen wanted to teach me their intimate secrets! Still, "I'm not sure if I should..."

She smiled at my hesitation. I wasn't sure if she understood my reasoning, but she understood something was off in my opinion. "Look at it like this. Worst case scenario, you see how it works."

Well, if I didn't actually _learn_ it from her, then Ka-san couldn't be upset about it... right? I nodded, offering Kujaku the weapon.

I was instructed to take a few healthy steps back, along with Kouji, Daichi and Hinata. Then Kujaku clicked something – I knew intellectually that it was the release button that was hidden just under the pin that kept it all together, but I wouldn't know what was happening if I hadn't read about that in advance. Then came... a magic show...

The ribs came apart, but they didn't fall on the ground. Instead, they hovered around the blacksmith... defying gravity. What seemed like a flash of light followed, and the targets I was aiming at earlier fell to the ground in pieces. It happened so fast that I didn't know for sure what happened.

It took a moment to remember to reel in my chin. "The trick is to balance all things at once. Which is why it is so complex. But there is a training regimen I can offer to help make it easier."

"Tha-" I cleared my throat, trying to will away the frog. "That would be wonderful."

"Good, then I will have that written up by tomorrow. Now about that umbrella of yours...?"

"Why are you doing this?" Fixing my senbon launcher, showing me the jutsu, offering my training on my terms... either she was really nice, or she had a hidden angle. Hidden angles got people killed.

"Because Sengo Muramase was my sensei." She said that like it explained everything. "And if he thought you were worthy of his final blade, then you are more than worthy of anything I could ever come up with."

"Now come on, what do you need done on your umbrella. Or can I just go nuts and come up with something?" (^-^)''

* * *

I stood at ready, facing my opponent. The only weapon I was allowed to use was Kibou. Nothing else. So it was me against... five? No six. I could technically hit all them at once! But... it was still unnerving that I was going to be fighting a bunch of dolls.

Well, maybe 'doll' wasn't quite the right word. Um, mannequin? No, they looked more like scarecrows. And yet, I knew that they weren't ever going to be used in a field somewhere. They were twice as tall as I was – which didn't really say much seeing how short I constantly felt. They were made of straw, I think. They wore flak jackets – which usually only chuunin and jounin wore. And there was this funny... purple... no fuchsia pants and these weird white bands with reds circles.

I was explained that those red 'dots' were the targets to hit. And the only places I should hit...?

I wasn't sure if I should trust Kujaku with this. Especially since she said that the exercise would begin once the door was properly sealed from the outside. It had been nearly a full minute since the jade haired one left... And well, I was still waiting for something to happen.

Suddenly, as if on cue with my thoughts, an alarm sounded. Red lights were flashing on and off, like a strobe of some sort. And, "Welcome. Ai. To. Your. DOOM!" Red carpet treatment? I think not, I felt as welcomed as a prisoner on death row.

Two of the dolls – didn't have time to care what I thought of them anymore – jumped to one side and launched something at me! … Kunai? Seriously?!

I ducked and rolled away from the attack, making sure to launch a few needles at them for their trouble. I was only allowed one hundred needles, nothing more. I had to hit the targets to switch the dolls off, and if I didn't switch them all off within a certain time limit – which she was kind enough to not elaborate on – they would all activate once again.

Fuck! I missed! That was three needles less – had to keep track, can't be caught with my pants down! I ducked under a kick? What the fuck! These things can kick?! Oh, like launching kunai at me was **so** much better?

A kunai whizzed past my ear. Was that an exploding tag? I focused on substituting with one of the dolls – let them suffer from their own fucking attacks!

The explosion that followed didn't make me feel very safe. Especially since one of the doll's arms nearly impaled me! What the **fuck** was wrong with these _people_?!

Another volley of kunai came my way. At least these didn't want to blow me up! I deflected them, trying to aim them at other dolls if I could. But mostly I practiced the second kata – basically a lot of open, deflect, close. Which was kinda strange to begin with. When closed a tessen was essentially a baton, which was then only used for clubbing something. When open, a tessen was essentially only used for slicing motions (only if it had bladed tips) and deflecting projectiles and snapping the opponent's blade in half (tessen were notorious for that).

There were other uses for a tessen, especially for Kibou and Shin, but those were the general uses. I could of course bug Temari-san to teach me some cool jutsus, but she was a Wind user and I was Water. The two just didn't mix.

Wait a minute! I still had a gift to collect with more than a few jounin I knew! Tradition practically wrote in stone that I could expect a gift for making genin... hmm... Something to keep in mind. Why the hell was I worrying about that during a life threatening spar in Takumi? My weirdness index hadn't dropped any.

* * *

"How'd it go?" Daichi asked when we met up. I'd spent the entire morning training with Kujaku, while the guys were working on something. They always seemed to be working on something these days.

"Good. I didn't die." I deadpanned. They got a good laugh off of that – it was something I said about uncle Gai's training methods too. The two of them were acting a little more _suspicious_ than usual though. I smelled a rat. "You guys are up to something again, aren't you."

"... ~Noooo~..." And people called me a bad liar? And why were they acting like they were six?

"_Sure_ you're not. Well, just make sure you guys get in your training for the day. And did you guys brush your teeth? Wash behind your ears? Change your underwear? Did you drink your vitamin water this morning? I wasn't paying attention at breakfast." They swore they had – on every point, I might add. I promised their Ka-san I'd look out for them.

"Ne, Ai-chan. Can we borrow like five thousand Ryou? I'll pay you back as soon as we get to Konoha!" Kouji promised. Their eyes shined a little brighter than usual – they had a plan. I agreed, but on the condition they would buy their girls something nice as well. I knew Kouji had a thing for Choco (he had been very forthcoming with it), and Daichi... Daichi's crush on Hibari was something more low key. I knew about it, of course, but I was certain I was the only one. I sometimes wondered if Daichi knew about it...

I gave them five thousand a piece, telling them to be good and to stay out of trouble. They were gone before I even registered their thanks – I just rolled my eyes. Deciding to not let a perfectly good day go to waste, I set about searching for Hinata-nee. She might have been on duty, but I doubted it for some reason. Luckily I knew her chakra signature as well as I knew Ka-san's, so tracking her down was a synch.

I found her sitting in a cafe on the edge of what I assume was the commercial district – where the majority of the shops were set up. "Hey, Imouto-chan! Right on time!" Hinata-nee didn't even have to turn around to know I was there. Sensory types – we rock! I didn't know what she meant, but it didn't matter. I sat down with her, accepting the tea she ordered for me. It wasn't strange – not really. In Konoha we did this all the time – she'd either spotted me with her Byakugan or by some other means, and ordered something for me while she waited. At any rate, I was too used to it to care.

"Naruto-nii is coming home soon. I'm expecting a letter from him with a more accurate time frame." I dunno why I chose that moment to mention that. And the mixture of emotion in her chakra made me wonder even more. There was excitement there, but it was overshadowed by worry and doubt – two things I hadn't sensed from her in nearly a year. "Meet with him before assuming the worst." The embarrassment that followed was a lot more familiar.

"Kurenai-sensei wanted you to have dinner with our team." Changing the subject? Why not, it made no sense to dwell on old habits. I said I'd be there, and we simply chatted about little things. Hanabi and Konohamaru, being a good example of hot topics. I knew the official reason: politics. Hanabi was the heir of the Hyuuga clan – something that didn't bother Hinata-nee in the least – so she was expected to associate only with the elite. I was too, but I ignored that unwritten rule every chance I got.

It was weird, and a little unnerving, that Hiashi had chosen Konohamaru as her boyfriend. How it went was something I didn't want to hear too many details about, but I knew they were officially dating. What I didn't know – because no one wanted to talk about it – was how Nabi-chan felt about it. I could appreciate that. I didn't usually want to talk about... nevermind.

* * *

I kinda lazed around town after that. I knew we had a team meeting in an hour, and that we still had two full days in Takumi, but there were more interesting things to ponder. Like why we were sent here to deliver a message. Any team being sent out here could easily have carried the message, and any returning team could have brought back the corresponding one. So... why us?

My mind quickly supplied three possibilities. One: Ka-san wanted us to have an easy first C-class mission, which made sense. Two: Ka-san needed me out of Konoha for a brief spell for one reason or another. Three: Ka-san wanted me to train directly under Kujaku for one reason or another. Now, it could have easily been any combination of the three. It could even have been any number of other plausible reasons being factored in for any number of possible reasons. But Ka-san was behind this. As further evidence of this, I knew that we were making it back in time for the festival, which was set to start in one week. How that worked as evidence, I wasn't sure... but I knew it!

Another blacksmith was offering me a sword, or some enhancements to my current gear, and similar shit. I wasn't in the mood for that. All I wanted was to take a nice, long soak and try on the Furisode Kimono I had tailored for the festival this year. Ka-san had hinted heavily at something I should expect, so I was ready for anything.

"I wonder what Jei's doing?" Where the fuck did that come in?! How did I make a mental jump from the festival to... him... The CSE... That would mark exactly six months to the day that would seal my fate. Six short months.

"Ah, milady! Welcome, welcome! Please take all the time you need to peruse my wares!" Didn't those assholes get it?! I wasn't interested in getting any... thing...

"A yoyo?" I stared at the little object, wondering if my eyes were just playing tricks on me.

"A good eye, milady!" He's annoying. And weird. But... I picked up the yoyo, wondering that someone would actually make one – let alone a pair. "These are only practice pieces of course, but I have a pair that would impress even the most well traveled shinobi around!"

I wondered about that. I was of course grateful for the tessen he and aunty Itsuko had made for me. And the only logical thing to do was get him a gift in return. Right? Umm... yes, getting him a gift was very appropriate. It had nothing to do with me thinking about him just when I saw it, or me wanting him to know I was thinking about him at all. Nope. Nothing like that... at all. Umm, yeah. Something like that.

"What can the original ones do then?" I asked. He smiled at me. Kind of a 'wouldn't you like to know' smile. "I'm not talking prices until I know what I'm paying for."

"They can do many things." He went on to spout some bullshit that was both unrealistic and clearly untrue – like exploding and reassembling. I didn't care, he had at least given me an idea. "You don't believe me I see. Would milady like a demonstration?" Almost immediately I felt a familiar tingling in the base of my skull – he was casting a genjutsu.

He threw an item at a tree, it exploded, it reassembled and it returned to his hand. I kept my vision fixed on his face, recording his every expression, studying every minute flux in his chakra. He was confident in his abilities, if nothing else. "You are fucking with the wrong kunoichi. A C-class genjutsu to make it look like a rock is an exploding yoyo? Really?"

Already walking off – I had no interest in petty trickery – I decided to just leave sleeping dogs lie. Honestly, I had no interest in the situation what so ever. Until he grabbed my arm.

Before he had a chance to do or say whatever he was planning, I grabbed Kibou (regretting that Tenshi was out of reach, seeing as I left my umbrella at the inn). I flicked my fan open and sliced his both arms just enough to aggravate the nerve endings – I didn't want it to draw blood, because that would have soothed the pain to an extent. I then flicked my tessen closed once again and jabbed the tip into his neck – right between his external carotid artery and internal jugular vein.

What? Ka-san told me that I wasn't allowed to damage things I didn't know the inner workings of. Those are the two main valves for blood flow to the head. You know, that spot doctors check when they place two fingers on a patient's neck? Well, on the right side of the patient's neck at least... "The next move you make, could well save your life." I warned, wondering who the fuck my inner monologue was defending me from this time.

"Or end it." Sensei announced, suddenly behind me – strange, seeing as I hadn't noticed him at all since we arrived. Either he was using his down time to train to hide from sensors, or he was just good. Damn good, if my guess was right. "Ai, I'll meet you back at the inn." Well, this should teach mister touchy-touchy that touching is a social faux pas. I removed my tessen, and tucked her back into my leg pouch. Now, if only I could keep my knees from knocking together long enough to walk away.

"Thank you, sensei." I didn't even give the merchant a second glance, but sensei deserved (and got) a low bow. I could only hope that I never saw that... _man_... again.

* * *

"For want of a nail..." I muttered, checking the bay that should have housed my needles. Kibou had been my only defense. In a time when it could easily have been my life on the line... and all I had was Kibou.

It had really been a worst case scenario that had haunted my dreams for years. It was the exact reason I always walked around like I was going to war – even in Konoha. And when... when my life could have depended on it... all I had was an out of ammo tessen. What if he was an Iwa shinobi trying to kidnap me? What if he was an assassin come to take my life?

"Stop thinking about the what-ifs." I turned to see Kouji, Daichi and sensei standing in the doorway – only Kami-sama knew which one spoke. How long had I been sitting here sulking? I honestly couldn't remember. All I knew, was that I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't aware enough. What if sensei hadn't been there keeping an eye on me?

"Ai-chan, there's nothing you can do to change the past." Daichi spoke that time. I knew he was right, really I did. But...

It didn't matter either way. Sensei started our meeting the second he noticed I was lucid. He highlighted our success of reaching Takumi and his acquiring the scroll we needed to head back to Konoha. He also mentioned that we were going to be heading back a day early – we were leaving at dawn. Other than that, he said that he was proud of us – even me, seeing as he hadn't expected me to react to the merchant's advances at all. I think he pointed out that I had actually defeated the man, and that he stepped in before I killed him unlawfully... but I wasn't sure (neither if I heard him right, nor if I should believe him if I did).

"Rest up, sproutlings. You will need your strength for the journey back."

* * *

I never did meet up with Team Kurenai. For that matter, I never left that room in the inn. I simply lay in my futon, neither resting nor fully awake. For the first time I was plotting. Not against a known enemy, with known weaknesses – my usual thing.

No, this time I was plotting against those yet to come. For the first time I was faced with a situation – innocent though it might have been – where I was not in control. There were no warning signs. There were no overlooked clues. This was simply something that could have gone wrong at the drop of a hat, and I was caught picking my nose.

There wasn't enough time to reach up my proverbial sleeve. There wasn't any opportunity to plot. It was solely reactionary. That's what I'd been missing for years! Not in the sense where I wished I had it, but more... it was a **key** ingredient I hadn't known was there all along.

It was time to take things to the next level. Time to cast aside the childish games I had been playing. If I was truly going to embrace this lifestyle – something I had been hesitant with – I was going to have to start risking life and limb. And not just mine.

Life was going to start placing me in situations where the choices weren't going to be easy. On the one hand were the lives of my loved ones... and on the other were the lives of those I'd never know. I would soon have to start choosing between them.

I could remember taking two lives in the past. Though I knew that both cases were in the heat of the moment, there was still a lingering sense of dullness that time had provided. The look in their eyes still haunted me, but I was still left with the comfort of knowing that I had saved lives.

How long would it be before I didn't have that comfort? How long would it be before I was part of a team that had been charged with hunting down a target with orders of ending its life? Or worse yet, how long before I was that target being hunted down? In a world of secrets and blood stained hands... could innocence rise to the top to change it?

What did it matter? I hadn't been tasked with changing anything. That was Naruto-nii's job. All I had to do was make sure he got there in one piece. He was the one with dreams of being Hokage. He was the one with the potential to turn the tide of war. He, not I, would one day change the very face of the world.

But was _that_ future worth steeping my hands in blood? I didn't know. All the mental preparation for killing, all the hours spent training to perfect my skills... all the preparations made to be armed to the teeth. What was it really for? What was my aim? What was my goal? What was my... what was my purpose?

It was odd. I had spent all my time in Konoha training, but I truthfully didn't know why. To surpass Tobirama and Hashirama? Was that it? No. There had to be more. Why did it suddenly matter? What was this incessant urge to have something more?

Unbidden, the scene of my first kiss played out in my mind. The look in Jei's eyes afterward... I hadn't been able to place the emotion playing across his face at the time. I thought it looked like acceptance, perhaps even affection. But it never quite felt right...

Was it purpose? Had he found something that he had been searching for? And what was my sudden fixation with that boy? Why was I thinking about him so much? Why was I finding myself staring out in the distance, wondering what he was doing?

My thoughts were simply a jumbled mess. I couldn't even tell if I was being philosophical, or a hormone driven (pre?)teen. I turned for the millionth time, wondering when sleep would claim me.

* * *

A brief breakfast, nothing extravagant about rations bars. A drink of water, wonderful to know that Daichi had restocked. A few words of encouragement, something about getting back to Konoha quickly. We left our inn, sensei paid the bill. I took a brief glance at the sleepy little village, waving at Kujaku who was off to open her shop. And that was it – our time in Takumi had come to an end.

The first shunshin placed us at the gate. The second landed us in the forest surrounding the village. After that it was mostly a game of keeping up with sensei. But regardless, I kept Tenshi and (a fully loaded) Kibou close by at all times. I also had my leg, arm and two belt pouches strapped on and everything ready for any drop of a hat situations. I would not be caught off guard twice.

We were heading East for now. Sensei would likely turn us slightly more North soon enough, but we had days to go regardless. Unfortunately, sensei pushed us so hard that I barely had time to think this time around – a fact I was grateful for. So by the time I even noticed what was going on, it was time to stop for the night.

"Another two days like this and we'll be in Konoha." Sensei was always sparse with praise – you had to filter through the chaff to find a grain of wheat. Still, it didn't matter much. We were all too tired to care. Although it was a major piss-me-off that sensei looked fresh and ready for another ten hours of running!

I handed the guys dinner – wanna guess what we were having? It rhymed with 'fashion stars'. Then I handed a bottle around for everyone to drink from. "I'll take first shift tonight. Kouji's got second shift, then Daichi and last is Ai. Now, sleep." Weren't we supposed to set up camp? Maybe tomorrow.

* * *

After another full day of jumping, shunshunning and more rations bars, we made camp in a glade. Yeah, that's what you called those open spaces in a forest... a glade. I was tired. The guys were tired. Sensei was pissing me off with his non-tiredness. I handed out some more _fashion stars_, and we settled in for the night. Only this time I didn't fall asleep immediately – or rather, I wasn't allowed to.

"Ai, you take first shift." Sensei barked out the order again, but I didn't care to listen. I simply sat on a low branch and focused on the surrounding forest. It intrigued me to no end how people marked the boarders between countries. Seeing that there was nothing but forest between Takumi and Konoha... how did they decide which tree marked the boarder? Or was it as simple as there were less rivers? It was named the 'river' country after all. But what did that say about the Land of Fire? I didn't see fire anywhere.

Within minutes I heard three guys snoring – some louder than others. Which pretty much just left me with a battle to stay the fuck awake. This might well have been the most inanely dangerous task in a shinobi camp. I mean, what would happen if I fell asleep? What if we were discovered and no one was awake to sound an alarm? It was subtly the most valued task – and one fraught with peril.

So how did one go about not falling asleep, when the sandman was dropping sand by the ton? Mostly I just practiced drawing Kibou and Tenshi with as little motion as humanly possible – the aim being to go from unarmed to armed to the teeth in the blink of an eye. Or was it about not wasting the little energy I had left...? Something.

After that I started scanning for life forms. No, not shinobi – there weren't any humans around for dozens of kilometers in any direction. There were a few deer North North-West from us – their chakra reminded me of the Nara for some reason. I thought I sensed some bears to the East, though I couldn't tell how far. Rabbits were scurrying about East South-East... probably freaking out from the bears being so close. There were some birds... hawks maybe? Um... they were flying further away, but I thought they were to the South.

And West... weasels? No... one weasel. A strong one. A very strong one! What the fuck? Why would...? It was moving fast. Incredibly fast. Toward us!

I was in sensei's tent tapping him before the signature got within a kilometer of us. "sensei, strong signature coming this way. feels like a weasel, but moves like a jounin." He raised an eyebrow, wondering what in the hell I was talking about. I just grabbed his sword and shoved it in his hands, then dragged his sarcastic, bullshitting ass out his own tent.

"Where?" Was all he asked. Though I got the impression he was rolling his eyes. Or yawning. Or something else just to irritate me. He'd get a kicked shin when we were out of danger for that. I pointed towards West – the signature was still moving steadily.

"weird. whoever it is isn't hunting, they're moving too fast for that."

"Then why did you wake me up?"

"Because I can't take chances with jounin level weasels!" Stupid sensei! Though... I probably shouldn't be shouting...

"HEY!" He shouted back – after I kicked him.

"Keep the noise down! Baka!" This wasn't very productive. Maybe whoever it is will think we're too weird to get involved with and leave us alone? Yeah. It could have been uncle Gai's MO all along. Right... and pixie dust smells like rosemary and garlic.

Closer and closer, the signature kept up the same speed. Well, we weren't in immediate danger – no one that is stalking a target flares their chakra enough to be sensed from that distance or approaches at breakneck speeds. Other than Lee... but I don't even have to explain why no one _else_ would do it.

Studying the chakra signature a little closer... the person had purpose. And yes, it was human... but very similar to a weasel as well. Not in the untrustworthy respect – it was more that resourceful, never say die attitude that I feel from weasels.

Then something changed. I couldn't explain it exactly, it was just a different charge in the air. That change then matched a change in the chakra signature... which was slowing down. Less than a hundred meters away now. A hundred meters to a jounin was like five meters to a genin... roughly.

And I was right too. A dark shadow shunshinned into the glade we were camping in. I had to swallow down the bile threatening to help my _fashion star_ make a comeback tour... Sensei was so getting his ass kicked if he got me killed. Wait... what? How would I...?

The chakra signature stopped moving entirely. In front of me was a tallish person wearing a black kimono with red obi. Blond hair. Four tails... and green eyes... and a Kyodai Sensu? Only Suna shinobi ever train with that type of fan! And blond... hair...?

"To think you didn't recognize Temari-san's signature... even after two years..." Sensei muttered, clearly disappointed in me. If the earth had swallowed me in that moment, I might have been grateful.

"Not her fault. She's never seen me in action." Temari said, which only made me even more embarrassed. True though it was... I've seen flashbacks with her fighting from time to time – I'm not entirely sure why... weird. I was usually pretty good with remembering things like that.

I released my grip on Kibou, letting my arms fall to my side. I really needed to get some sleep...

* * *

"Good morning, sunshine." Temari had decided to journey to Konoha along with us. I just wish I knew she was used to nothing but those cursed... fashion stars. I refused to even think that word anymore! I was sick and tired of seeing those three and a quarter inch bars, filled with fibers, fatty and amino acids and all those other essential nutrients that I could just as easily get from licking dirt! Not forgetting that those ingredients were beat together by a bat made of cardboard – and still tasted like it!

"Unless you have a cure for those **things**, I don't wanna hear it." I intoned, offering a dull glare. I chewed... and chewed... and chewed... and motherfucking chewed! There was no end to this thing! I grabbed my bottle of water and tried to swallow the whole damn thing in one go – a feat I had been working on.

We left not long after that – no one was happy with the meal and my being in a bad mood wasn't helping any. Sure, I felt safer traveling with two jounins, but it didn't matter unless one of them knew how to fucking cook! Or would at least let me fucking do it! I fucking HATE those things!

"How much further?" Kouji asked sensei, hoping to get to Konoha asap. Sensei said we might make it by sundown if we hurried. And believe you fucking me... we did! I'd never wanted to see a wooden fence so bad in my fucking life!

* * *

Three-thousand four-hundred and fifty-two. Three-thousand four-hundred and fifty-three. Three-thousand four-hundred and fifty-four. Three... This is fucking pointless. Fifty-five.

We'd been running for eight hours by now. Well, running was a bit of a stretch. Sensei had us shunshinning most of the day, then when we ran out of chakra... we'd run. Then when we built up enough chakra again, we'd start shunshinning again. I can't honest tell you how far we'd traveled. It couldn't have been less than four hundred kilometers though. I mean, we were getting at least three hundred meters on each shunshin by now. When we started this morning, the long ones were about a hundred meters, but even then... by the current count (three-thousand four-hundred and sixty-four)... well, we were definitely making some good time!

Not that we were getting the same distance on each shunshin, so we had a long way to go. But, we were getting dam good at it! I mean, Temari was actually looking at us with some level of respect – that had to say something. I think we earned a good bit of respect today. Not that I really cared, I just wanted to get home. I wanted a bath, a meal and a warm bed that I recognized...

I wanted things to go back to the way they were. Maybe becoming a kunoichi wasn't the brightest idea I'd ever had. Still... the die was cast. I had sealed my own fate. Now... if only I could remember why becoming a kunoichi was such a big thing for me... It somehow felt like it was a bad idea.

Why? What was so bad about becoming a kunoichi? Where did that hesitation come from? Or was it a fear? What was it? I had always wanted to surpass Tobirama-sama... I had always admired him and to a certain extent I had considered him my idol. I remember that well... but when did it start?

It was all becoming fuzzy. I mean, I remember thinking something the other day. It was something about a war. Only it had nothing to do with Jei. It was a war... about unity? I just didn't understand. There was just a... fuzzy feeling rolling around in my skull.

"Ai, you okay?" Temari asked. Kouji and Daichi were immediately by my side, grabbing my arms to stabilize me – I hadn't known I was wobbling until they did that. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. And why was everything so blurry?

"_We're losing him!" _Where the fuck was that coming from? _"Double the voltage and give me fifteen CCs!"_ I knew the voice. I knew it so well, somehow. But I just couldn't place it.

"_Aiden! Don't you give up on me! Not now!"_ Where did I know that voice from? And who was 'Aiden'? Why was that name so familiar to me?

"Ai! Can you hear me? Hold on, Ai!" I could feel myself getting grabbed and hoisted onto someone's back. But at the same time, I felt a needle being jammed into my arm and, after a declaration of 'Clear!', a jolt of electricity coursing though my body as well. The weird thing is... it felt like a... different body? Did that make sense? Feeling two bodies?

_"Aid! You son of a bitch! Don't you give up on me!"_ There it was again. I felt something almost beating against my chest. Ten, fifteen... twenty times. Then something cold and clammy was placed against my mouth. I knew that feeling... it was CPR. But why would someone be doing CPR while we were jumping from tree to tree? We must have been an hour or two from Konoha's gates at full tilt, this wasn't exactly the ideal spot to stop and see if I was breathing.

Breathing? That's weird. I was breathing! Why would someone do CPR on someone that was breathing? _"Daddy."_ This voice... it was familiar... but different too. _"Daddy, it's me. I know you're tired, but please. Please, daddy. You can't leave me. Not now."_

Leave? I thought I was going home. Leave me alone! I just wanna get home to my Ka-san, to Nee-san. To Uncle Gai, Lee. Yun and Tenten. I had big plans for Choco and Hibari – the others too, but I only bargained for those two for now.

And Jei. Kaminari Jei. Whatever was I going to do with that boy? Somehow... somehow I started imagining his face in front of me. He was whispering something in my ear – something about... I dunno, just something...

"_I'll always love you... Just don't stop loving me... okay?"_

* * *

When I woke up, I had the oddest feeling. It was a feeling of wholeness, but mixed into it was a feeling of loss. I felt... torn. I guess there was no other way to explain it. I was simply torn between two extremes, and I didn't understand why.

Opening my eyes, I noticed the ceiling. White, and completely spotless. Where was I? This wasn't my room, I knew that much. "Ai!" Jei almost jumped onto my bed, checking every inch of me to see that I was alright. His hair was still in corn rows, but I noticed that it wasn't well kept. He smelled a little funny too.

"Are you okay, Ai? You had us all scared shitless!" He sat on the bed next to me, smoothing my hands and patting down my hair. I dunno how he managed doing both at once. He just seemed jittery.

"Meh, I'll live." I told him, shrugging. No point in worrying, if he worried about everything already.

"You almost didn't! When Hayama-sensei brought you in, you didn't even have a pulse!" He placed two fingers against the veins on my neck to check for a pulse, almost like he expected the worst. He was so worried, so preoccupied with me and my health.

"Hey." I placed my hand in his, letting our fingers intertwine. Finally he calmed down, coming to terms with the fact that I was still alive. "I'm not going anywhere, you know."

He nodded slowly, thinking about that. In the mean time, I checked out his pitiful condition. I mean, really? He smelled like a wet goat, his hair was a mess, he looked like he hadn't slept in days and he was only now letting his breath slow to a normal rate. He was a mess. "You smell."

Just as he was rolling his eyes, the door opened. Well, more like it exploded without going to pieces. Ka-san rushed in, worrying about this, complaining about that. She looked as messed up as Jei. "Baby, are you okay? Let me look at you? Do you have a fever? Are you hungry? Do you want to sit up? Are you thirsty? Do you want to lay down? Are you in pain? Are you hungry?"

I silenced her with a hug. She looked like she needed one anyway. I didn't need to feel my shoulder getting wet to know that she was crying – out of relief. "I'm fine, Ka-san. And as soon as your nerves settle a bit, you can check to see for yourself."

The bed was a little crowded, so Jei decided to sit down on the chair nearby. The look in his eyes told me that he wouldn't be far away though – or more like he wasn't letting me out of his sight for a bit.

"Baby, what happened?" Ka-san's question was expected, of course. But how to answer her? What _did_ happen? I furrowed my brow, trying to figure that out. I remember voices saying things that made no sense – not that I'll ever talk about that. I might have been crazy, but I wasn't stupid.

I shrugged, unable to make any sense of what little I remembered. "I dunno." Maybe I shouldn't have said that? Ka-san got this look in her eyes. Something told me that she was piecing something together – and only Kami-sama knew what she could figure out without me saying a single word. Her hands glowed green without warning, and she scanned every inch of my being – several times might I add. The only thing that struck me as odd, was that her hands hovered over abdomen a second longer than anywhere else. I knew that the hara was the seat of the human soul... but why would something there strike her as odd?

"You're eyes." She said once she was satisfied. She was smoothing the side of my face gently – I could almost hear her telling herself that I was fine. "You seem more at peace for some reason." Leave it to her to even notice that. I notice Jei studying me a little closer – a little shrug and nod showing that he at least partly agreed with her.

Did I feel more at peace? I wasn't sure. Other than that odd feeling a few moments ago, I didn't _feel_ different at all. "How long was I out?"

"Three hours and forty-five minutes." Jei supplied without missing a beat. Okaaaaay. Stalking much? "She's fine, Tsunade-sama. If her facial expressions are anything to go by, she's ready to get out and about." I rolled my eyes, wondering what that had to do with anything.

"Good point. Still, I'm not taking any chances with you, young lady. No training for a week, at least." She wore her stern medic face, so I knew better than to argue with her. "And Sakura is going to be around you the entire time, as an added precaution."

"Ka-san, I'm-"

"Please, Ai." Her eyes. Kami-sama, the look in her eyes nearly snapped my heart in two. I could feel every time she wondered if she would ever hold her daughter again. I felt every twist in her gut when she worried about me. I was too busy trying not to cry, so arguing with her was pointless.

* * *

I was discharged from the hospital less than an hour later. Yeah, like I _really_ believed that. Sakura-san, Inaho and Kosuke were waiting on me, so Ka-san was one hundred percent certain that I would be in good hands if I had some kind of weird relapse. Well, to be honest the episode itself was weird enough, so I kinda understood her standpoint.

And as expected, Jei never let me out of his sight. He walked me home, then entered the house with us. I honestly couldn't tell who was keeping a closer eye on me. It was stifling to be sure, but at least it showed how loved I was. Kimiko-chan was there, hugging me like tomorrow wasn't ever going to come. I wasn't sure if they'd told her anything, but she hadn't seen me in two weeks regardless.

"Welcome home, Ai-sama." Fuki, Kohada, Notori... hell even aunty Itsuko and the girls were there. Every seemed to want to fuss over me, everyone was offering me tea (to not dehydrate) or something to eat (to build up my strength) or offering to bring me to my room (rest is important).

"Ai-chan, you really should let us take care of you, you know." Hibari-chan? What was she doing here? "Don't give me that look, you know your Ka-san wants you to get plenty of rest. So let us do our jobs."

"Yeah, Ai-chan. You really have a pride issue." Chocho-chan? What was going on? Why were they- "Save the questions for later. We're taking you upstairs." I blinked. Then I blinked again. Huh?

"Jei-san, if you would give us ten minutes to get her changed, then you can come upstairs." Hibari suggested, obviously knowing he wasn't going to let me go without very good reason.

"I can go with her too." Aunty Itsuko offered. Huh? The look in Jei's eyes though... I understood in that instant just how deeply everything affected him. He had the look of widower who's wife had come back to life – in a good way.

"**_Don't_**_ tell me you ~understand~ how I feel! __**No one**__ but Tsunade-sama could __**possibly**__ understand what I feel right now!"_

I shook my head, wondering where that came from. "You say something, Jei?" It certainly was his voice, but I didn't see his lips moving. Weird. His eyes became even more haunted, if at all possible, but he shook his head, no. I told him what I thought he'd said, and I noticed that his and aunty Itsuko's eyes went wide from shock.

Everyone else – myself included – decided that I was just more tired than I thought, so I was taken upstairs. Choco and Hibari helped me change into my PJs – yes, the pair that Ka-san liked seeing me in. After that, I was tucked into bed. Sakura-san came in soon after, checking my vitals and scanning my hara – Ka-san clearly gave her very specific instructions.

Hibari and Choco sat down in one corner, taking out a deck of cards to keep themselves entertained. And aunty Itusko sat at the foot of my bed, ready to spring into action at a moment's notice. _'How long will everyone be this paranoid?'_ But before I could answer my own ponderings, the door slid open, revealing Jei in all his nervous-wreck glory.

He walked over to me, sitting by my side. He smoothed my cheek and flicked a few stray strands of hair out of my face. Then he sighed, finally relaxing a bit. I didn't understand what was going on – I mean, we weren't even dating. The way he was reacting though, it showed an emotion deeper than friendship. Far deeper. It was... kinda nice.

"Sleep. You need your rest."

* * *

Slept. Woke up. Got told to go back to sleep. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Every time I woke up, another person was sitting at the foot of my bed. Every time I woke up... Jei was sitting to my side. Sitting. Not laying. Not sleeping. Not moving. He was the one always telling me to go to sleep.

I didn't dream. I didn't toss and turn. I wasn't tired, but I didn't feel restless either. Was this chakra deprivation? Why would I have the symptoms? I mean, Kouji and Daichi did just as much, and they were there at my bedside a few times when I woke up. They were fine. So what was up with me?

Something happened? Did the voices do something strange? What was that anyway? Was I going crazy? Was I already there, and only now noticing?

"_Jei, you need to rest."_ There it was again. It was kinda foggy. Like I I had to tune out the white noise to hear it.

"_I won't leave her."_ What was it about that boy? What made him so devoted to me? And what made me so devoted to him? I could deny it all I wanted, but I knew how I felt. I knew how he made me feel. I felt the butterflies in my tummy. The frog in my throat whenever he did something sweet. The world fading away when I gazed at him. The electricity whenever he touched me.

"_Will you at least eat."_ The way he spoke when he thought I couldn't hear him. The little things he did for me, like remembering my favorite colors, flowers, perfumes. The way he would get jealous whenever Sasuke talked to me, then refuse to admit to it. Why didn't I ever take the time to appreciate the little things like that? I barely even seemed to notice it at all. I was always so focused on training. Training, katas, weapons. That's what I spent the last two, going on three, years of my life doing.

Why?

What was the point? What did I even really accomplish with it? Did I change the world? No. Did I save any lives? No. Did it bring me closer to those I care most about? Not even close. If anything it drove me away from them. Especially from Jei. Why? That's what I really want to know. Why...

And why was it bugging me now? "Ai, stop philosophying and get some sleep." And how did he keep doing that?

* * *

"Baby, are you sure you feel up for this?" Ka-san was really a mother hen sometimes. I mean, I'd slept for nearly fourteen hours! There was literally nothing else I was allowed to do **but** sleep.

"Ka-san, I'm fine. Really." I assured her. There was no way I was missing out on this! Nothing would keep me away from the stadium to see the CSE for the first time! Nothing! "Besides, I'm going with Sakura, Kosuke, uncle Gai, aunty Itsuko, Jei, Matsuri, Ame, Kouji, Daichi, Choco and Hibari. If any one of them sees something fishy, you'll be the first to know." I left out that Tenten and Yun were going to be there as well – it wouldn't add any value in her eyes.

"Shizune, maybe you should go with her as well." Ka-san really wasn't taking any chances. Were we going to be invaded or something? I've heard of doomsday devices with less security! "And I'll make sure Hayama, Kakashi and Tekuno are there as well."

I didn't say anything, I wasn't going to chance upsetting the delicate balance of circumstance that was allowing me to go. "And just in case, make sure you sit close to the Hyuugas." Already made an agreement to meet Hinata-nee and Nabi-chan there too. Not bothering me in the least.

"Tsunade-sama, you really should start heading over to the stadium. You know that the ANBU will want to have a last minute meeting with you." Nee-san came to the rescue. Ka-san didn't look ready to leave just yet though. She combed my hair with her fingers once more time, checked to make sure my makeup was perfect, and even scanned me one last time just in case. She was looking for any little reason to have me stay home and rest.

Eventually there was nothing she hadn't already checked – thank Kami-sama. "Fine. But you are not going to any parties afterward. You are to come straight home and rest." Still not bothering me – I'd invited to guys over.

"Ka-san, I'll be fine." I hugged her, trying to ignore the fact that she was scanning me once again. "Nothing's going to happen, and quite frankly nothing short of a bijuu going berserk could get within a kilometer of me with all the extra security you're placing me under."

She nodded uncertainly, kissed me on the forehead and was heading out the door. "Maybe I should send Anko and Kurenai to keep an eye on her as well." I doubt she expected me to actually hear her, but it was possible.

I didn't care, I was going to the Chuunin Exam Finals!

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming to Konohagakure's Chuunin Selection Exam today." How could Ka-san manage to say that without shouting, while everyone could still hear it clear as crystal? "We will now begin the main matches with the eight that have passed the preliminaries. Please enjoy the matches."

Hanabi looked on impassively, but I knew she was exited. Yun and I didn't bother hiding it in the least – it was our first CSE anyway, people expected us to be exited. Right? Whatever. I took a closer look at the eight competitors.

Two from Suna – Matsuri, who was training under Gaara (was there any chemistry there?) and a puppeteer who was training under Kankuro.

Three from Konoha – a Hyuuga I didn't recognize (probably Branch family), Shin (I hate that prick) and a Sengo (I think her name was Ku... something, or was is something-ku?).

One from Taki – a blue haired, blue eyed girl that looked to be about seventeen.

Two from Kumo – one light skinned guy with black hair, and a dark skinned guy with white hair (Jei told me his name was Pou, his second cousin).

It was at least good that Konoha had the most chuunin hopefuls – it spoke well of our quality. Still, it could easily be viewed as home turf advantage. We needed to either have a champion, or some very potent shinobi to really wow the clientele. Still, a champion would be best. The first match was scheduled to be the girl from Taki and Suna's puppeteer. I wondered who would win.

"Ai, would you like me to invite Pou and Raiko to come with us later? I would love to introduce you." That's a girl?! I looked a LOT closer... and indeed... there was a faint shadow hinting at bust, not chest. She's butch.

"Sure." I hoped he didn't figure out-

"Yes, she's butch. She's not proud of it, but she accepts it." Wonderful. "She's pretty cool, you'd like her." I wondered about that. There weren't a lot of people I actually liked. But maybe...

"Round one! Kaminari Pou of Kumo versus Hino Akihito of Suna. Hajime!"

**End chapter 13**

* * *

_**A/N: Before anyone points it out, yes, the match had been changed without Ai knowing about it. The reason will be explained at the beginning of the next chapter. As well, I hope I didn't make the transition Ai is going through seem forced or false. I want it to be deep and meaningful. **_

_**Either way, this is the Chuunin exams before Naruto shows back up. I will be taking some time to highlight a few characters that I feel need a little more attention. Kouji and Daichi will be the main focus of the next chapter, and I will be touching on a lot of things that show who they are and how they became that way. **_

_**Oh, and who wants to take a stab in the dark at who is proctoring the third exam? I'll even give a reward to anyone that guesses it right - say, the power to choose the keystone in yet another change that will be taking place in Ai's near future? I can't give too many details yet, but everyone that gets it right will both have a say in the event, and will (logically) be in on the secret long before anyone else!**_

_**As always, I would like to take a moment to than elivira for beta-ing my story and for my regular reviewers! I love you guys! And I hope that those of you that weren't looking forward to Ai/Jei shipping aren't too disappointed in me. I didn't intend for them to grow this close this fast, but... well, it just flowed this way. It wouldn't have been very realistic if I had done it any other way. I think, at least.**_


	14. Kouji and Daichi

**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**

**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**

**Only one person guessed at who the Proctor could be. Well, even though Shirokuromokona didn't guess it right, she's still the only one that tried. Oh well, I guess she'll be the only one (other than Elivira, who gets an automatic pass for being my Beta) who gets to know. So sad :P**

**Either way, we are a few chapters away from Naruto making his grand re-entrance and we have a lot more fun coming for Ai. She apparently has some 'unfinished business' to deal with, and Tsunade doesn't seem to be to happy with it.**

* * *

"Round one! Kaminari Pou of Kumo versus Hino Akihito of Suna. Hajime!" Wait, was that Shikamaru? And what was up with the change up in the line-up? That didn't make any sense.

"The council from Taki refused to let a councilman's daughter fight somone from Suna. So they petitioned Tsunade-sama to change the lineup at the last moment." Jei explained. I never could understand how he always knew what I was thinking. Whatever.

Shiikamaru jumped back to let the two contestants have at it. Only, I knew it was doomed to be one sided. As talented as the puppeteer was, Pou was dominating him from the very start. The technique he was using was called the 'static clone', which I knew nothing about. Jei explained that it was like a water clone, only that it shocked anything that it came in contact with (on purpose or not). And Pou was using five at once! The puppeteer didn't stand a chance.

Well, that at least gave me a chance to spy everyone's mood. Daichi was sitting down behind me with Hibari – something they both seemed quite happy with. She was watching the match raptly, but he was looking everywhere else – once again in bodyguard mode. Ka-san must have said something. Hayama-sensei was sitting down next to Daichi, but what he was focusing on was something I couldn't figure out.

On my right was Hanabi. She was watching the match with a kind of calculating gaze. She wasn't feeling much of anything, just observing. Next to her was Kou and next to him was Neji, who both matched her mood to the T.

On my left was Jei. He was paying attention to the arena, and the match... but his eyes would flicker towards me every few seconds. Something he'd been doing all morning. He wanted nothing more than to find some reason, any reason, to have me go home and rest. Probably why Ka-san let me go in the first place.

Next to Jei was Kakashi. He was just being his usual, dispassionate self. In front of me was Kouji and Choco – who also seemed quite happy with the seating. And here again I noticed that she was watching the match closely, but he was looking everywhere else. Uncle Gai was sitting to Kouji's right, with aunty Itsuko and the girls beside him. And I know I felt Anko and Kurenai sitting somewhere close by as well. And Sakura... Oh, she was sitting on the other side of the Hyuuga contingent with Sasuke. Shocking. She was bubbling over like

Tenten and Yun where sitting in front of uncle Gai... they were pretty much only seeing the match. And Lee was sitting next to Tenten, a bit more subdued that usual. Though he was watching the match, I felt his gaze on me now and again. I didn't even know where Matsuri, Ame and Tekuno-sensei were... but I knew they weren't far off – probably getting everyone snacks or something.

All in all, everyone around me was keeping a casual eye on me. It should have bothered me. How everyone thought I was made of glass, or that I would trip over my own two feet and fall off a cliff or something. It should have upset me, or something. Really, but it didn't at all.

I still didn't make any sense out of Choco and Hibari being there three days ago when I got home, and no one was really saying anything. And that didn't bother me either. It was as if not being in complete control was... no longer a problem?

I smiled, wondering at that. When did that happen? Oh well. No point in burning braincells on something I probably wouldn't figure out anyway. I turned my attention back to the match, just in time to see a large blast. And if my guess was right, the Suna kid was in the center of it. It just wasn't meant to be a interesting match.

* * *

A brief break followed, allowing for everyone to either place more bets, or get snacks... or whatever. Kouji and Choco opted to do a snack run for us, seeing as no one allowed me to so much as think of moving from my seat. I don't remember what I asked them to get for me, so it wasn't very important. Daichi though...

Daichi and Hibari both kinda just stayed behind me. I felt his resolve to protect me saturating the air, and even spilling a little over into Hibari's chakra. "I need to go to the lady's room." I announced, wondering how Jei would take it. I felt bad for having to test him like that, but I needed to know.

"Coming!" Hanabi, Choco and Hibari announced, as did Matsuri? Where was she hiding?

"Jei, can you watch the girls?" Aunty Itsuko asked. I'd monitored Jei's chakra as closely as I dared. And no one's response comforted him. Not even his mother coming with me soothed his nerves any. I turned to him, about to ask something – Kami-sama only knows what. But the look in his eyes stopped me. He was studying me. He was tearing apart every bit of information about me he could, and he was trying to piece it together again – trying to make sense of it.

"Alright, Ka-san. But please, don't take too long." His eyes never left mine as he spoke. He let me see the uncertainty he felt, the irrational fear.

"Ooh, Sasuke-kun, I'll be right back. Okay?" Sakura was clearly coming as well. I felt a slight change in Anko and Kurenai's chakra as well. Clearly, I wasn't going unguarded even in the restroom. Just as I made to stand, I noticed that even Yun and Tenten were coming along as well.

Well, at least Ka-san would be happy about that.

We made our way towards the central stairs, went down two flights and took a left. I made a mental note, not sure why but it might be handy sometime in the unforeseeable future. All the way, Matsuri and I were chatting. I got the distinct impression that Hibari wanted to ask about Daichi, but she'd probably wait until we were alone for that. The thing I was most curious about though...

"So, who hasn't been ordered by Ka-san to not let me out of their sight?" Giggles abounded. That made me even more curious.

"Ai-chan, your mother didn't have to ask us anything. We offered." Yun was the first to speak. Everyone nodded, smiling at me – some brighter and broader than others. "Besides, I think Jei would have bashed down the door if you weren't in here with an entourage."

"Seriously. That boy is more protective of you that Tsunade-sama ever was." Everyone was giggling and nodding, adding in their two cents. I just rolled my eyes, deciding to relieve myself – I guess I did have to go after all.

"So Matsuri-chan, what's it like being on my son's team?" I heard from behind the closed bathroom stall door.

"Almost as bad as training with Ai. That boy doesn't stop pushing his limits! He's as troublesome as Naruto and Lee combined." I just rolled my eyes, knowing that Matsuri could find _anything_ troublesome.

"But... he is as loyal and trustworthy as they come. I am honored to call him a friend." That was solemn – very unlike the Nara. I smiled, knowing she would rather piss someone off with the truth, than to keep track of a troublesome lie. Nah, she'd just not say anything at all – or something too vague to understand.

There was a low whistle. "Are you sure you're Shikamaru's sister?" I wrapped up my kimono as best I could, knowing that Hibari and Choco would be fretting over me in a few seconds time.

"You may think what you wish, Sakura-san, but Matsuri is herself. She follows her own path and does things her way." I pointed out, trying to ignore Hibari's smoothing my kimono and retying my obi. "Besides, if all the Naras were like Shikamaru, I think they would have died out a few hundred years ago."

"And all that without calling me that troublesome nickname, Kanashigetou?" Humph, see if I rescue you next time.

* * *

The second match was between Raiko and the Taki girl. I knew almost immediately that this too was going to be one sided. "Keep an eye on Raiko. She's the type to toy with her opponents, more than actually fight them." Jei explained. Yeah, I kinda figured that out when she licked the girl's earlobe. And the match hadn't even started yet. And was she... flirting? Well, all's fair in a shinobi match – let alone between kunoichis.

"Oh, it's over. Raiko already cast her jutsu." Jei seemed excited about that. I could only guess it was that it was a genjutsu, but seeing what her modus operandi was... well, I could guess what her opponent was being subjected to. Too bad Jiraiya wasn't going to see it... he'd have enjoyed it.

Well, shortly after the Taki girl's hand slipped into her pants (I didn't need to know what it was doing down there) the match was called. It all happened pretty quickly (who needed a one minute girl?) so the next match started immediately. "Third match! Shin of Konoha versus Matsuri of Suna!"

I giggled when I heard _our_ Matsuri groan at the unfortunate naming of the Suna girl – I heard something being mumbled about troublesome brunettes as well. The Taki girl was being carted off on a stretcher – all I felt from her was a goofy happy glow, so she wasn't in any pain or discomfort. Her parents were going to _love_ her progress report. :-3

When I saw Shikamaru rubbing the bridge of his nose, I knew that Raiko had said something stupid. "Contestants only on the stage..." He said loud enough for the entire stadium to hear him – more for any females listening, if my guess was right. I did see him sighing though.

A few minutes passed before the two new contestants came down. I dunno why Shikamaru announced it already – probably hoping to just have everyone hurry up so he could do back to cloud watching.

Shin stood there, looking a little too closely at the section of the stadium I was sitting. Kami-sama, let him be looking at someone else! Matsuri (this was going to get way too confusing, way too quick)... umm, Suna-chan was staring at the boy – clearly upset about something. Knowing Shin, he probably said something about being pitted against 'some chick' or something stupid like that.

"Look, hotshot, I don't care what you think or say..." Here she paused to laughed, pointing at him like he was a pest – or was she pointing more South? "No one is impressed with something like like." Ooh, someone else that disliked the prick. I liked her already!

The match was started soon after, and Shin was immediately on the offensive. A bad move – it gave away too much. He was using 'air bullets', forcing her to back away and dodge over and over again. It was easy to think that he would have the advantage like that, but all it did was waste his chakra. I mean, the greater the distance, the less likely to hit the target. And if he was missing her from the start, then all she had to do was keep dodging and he'd run out of steam on his own.

She seemed to know that too, so she just kept her distance and let him embarrass himself. Over and over, he just kept trying to pelt her with air bullets... and he never once hit her. Unless he had some hidden tactic behind it, he was a complete idiot. Or she hit him in an emotionally weak spot, and he was acting out. Well, that was pretty much what happened between us. Not my problem regardless.

Eventually, Shin stopped acting out and started actually planning. Too bad he was already at a severe disadvantage. Not even considering how bad it looked on his progress report that he reacted to a taunt and would risk embarrassing Konoha... well, there was the simple fact that he had tipped off his element, his preferred attack style and his 'go to jutsu'. And that was negating the fact that he allowed her to get a feel for his attack pattern. Either he had to switch it up entirely, or he was going to get creamed in the first round.

He decided to switch things up, drawing his sword. Well, that was pointless – there was still like ten meters separating them! Little chance of surprising her with it now. He dashed at her, and she kept her distance. She had every advantage now. She knew his weapon preference as well, and he still knew nothing about her!

Then he shunshinned to her, and tried slicing and shooting another air bullet. The combination didn't earn him anything, other than he kick to his knee. She backpedaled some more, making sure to to not use any actual skills yet. She was feeling him out, building up a profile on him and concocting a counterattack. He kept pressing the attack, mistaking her retreat as a sign of fear or weakness.

He had a tendency to slash from his left down to his right, then combine it either another slash for form an 'X' or another air bullet. There was always the possibility that he knew to sharpen his blade with Futon, but he wasn't showing that as yet. Futon was most effective in close ranged combat, seeing as every Futon attack lost power outside of five meters. So Suna-chan was showing some real class by keeping him far away.

Then, he started trying to combine the shunshin with either a slash, or a slash-slash-air bullet combo. He wasn't doing either flawlessly, so it was likely on the fly. He was getting desperate. And she used that to her advantage. After a shunshin-slash attack, she sprung her trap and wrapped him up in... rope? No, there was a dart at the end, a Jouhyou. A kunai was quickly placed against his windpipe, earning the win – in Shikamaru's opinion anyway.

Wait a minute! Was Jei excited about that Taki chick toying with herself in public?!

* * *

Well, after that came the match between the Hyuuga and the Sengo. Well... it was kind of embarrassing how the Sengo lost. After executing a flawless kiss attack (not on purpose if her embarrassment was anything to go by), she ran off to the medic bay crying (in both senses of the word) her forfeit. It was entertaining at least, but my heart still went out to her.

Not even Shikamaru could make any sense of it.

"Senju-sama, Hokage-sama requests your presence in the Kage box." An ANBU with a mask I didn't know announced.

"Thank you, tell her I'll be there shortly." I smiled, wondering who this was. I thought I knew all the ANBU closest to Ka-san. I turned to Jei to tell him something, but I never got the chance.

"She requests that I escort you." Immediately warning bells were going off in my head.

"Very well." I smiled, grabbing Jei's hand and nodding for everyone to follow. That made him nervous. Very, very nervous. "Naturally, Ka-san would want me to travel with full escort. Wouldn't she?" I said that more for the jounin to catch on to fishy movements.

Uncle Gai was the one that placed a hand on the ANBU's shoulder, asking him something about rank, team and division (or something like that). As suspected, the 'ANBU' got even more nervous.

"It's just Shin." Hanabi announced, deactivating her Byakugan. "Perhaps Kou wouldn't mind escorting him to the ANBU HQ to explain the situation?"

"Indeed." Kakashi placed a hand on the soon to be dead ANBU impersonator.

"Kou, Neji... would you both mind confirming this person's identity?" I asked, which they both confirmed. "Good. Let him be. We'll let Ka-san have a word with Danzou about this incident. That way he will get what he has coming to him and you can still round him up later for his unlawful action."

"I would love to escort him somewhere." Lee announced. I noticed that Lee was eying Shin a little closer than was strictly polite. I got the impression that Lee wanted to take him down a dark alley and teach him some manners the old fashioned way. I wasn't totally against it.

"No, Lee! You mustn't stoop down to his level of unyouthfulness! You-" Yeah, blocking out that speech.

"I've got an idea." Sasuke, of all people, grabbed Shin by his collar and tossed him back onto the stage where he was served his defeat – some three hundred meters from where we were sitting. Not the most graceful way to travel. "See, now no one needs to leave and everyone is aware of the situation. You're welcome." Did he care that Shin probably just broke a few bones? Probably not.

Oh well, my hands were clean. "Sucker?" I offered Jei a lollypop – Sucker was the brand name. I dunno why I thought he'd like it.

"Thanks, but we just got rid of one."

* * *

The Hyuuga versus Pou match was... boring. I'd harbored high hopes for the Hyuuga boy, hoping he'd do his clan and village proud. But his attention was centered on the door to the Medic Bay, where the giver of his first kiss was probably crying her lungs out. From the moment Shikamaru (haltingly) started the match, I knew the match was over. If I could see that his attention was divided from up here, someone in Pou's position wouldn't miss it. And, naturally, the match was over in under ten minutes. The Hyuuga boy got lucky that he'd only be suffering a broken femur (bone that joins the hip to the knee).

Well, that was three down for Konoha. I could already notice that I was getting tired, and there was still Matsuri versus Raiko, and the winner facing Pou. Two matches. And only Kami-sama knows how many meetings after that Ka-san wanted to parade me around.

I decided that humility was for the victory of tomorrow, so I turned to Jei. "I'm getting tired, but I don't think the others want to leave. Can you take me someone I can rest?" I whispered, but I just knew that the seven jounin heard me clear as day.

"Sure, this tournament is already won anyway." Jei got up, with the others following close behind – and Gai and Kakashi leading the pack. I quickly found that they led me into the most extravegant meeting room I'd ever been in – and that was saying a lot considering how much Ka-san loved parading me in front of her international contacts.

There were four love couches surrounding each of the six tables in the room, perfectly spaced out so that no one would dare complain that someone is '_sitting on the other's lip_'. The chairs were all decorated with a an emerald colored silk and gilded with lacquered wood. It was perfectly symbolic of the village hidden among the leaves. This room was designated for the elite.

"I see I'm not the only one that lost interest in the matches." Temari sat at the table furthest from the door – and she sat facing said door. She had the perfect view of the entire room, while still being able to blend into the scenery.

"Hey, Temari-san." I waved at her, but waited for the guys to give the go ahead before taking a seat next to her. Somehow I wasn't too surprised when the Hyuuga contingent decided to followed us. I felt frail, needing so much protection... and yet, I felt loved that so many people would willingly follow me around to keep me safe.

I'm not entirely sure what happened after that... I think I fell asleep

* * *

"You know, Tsunade-sama, one of these days someone is going to come to the conclusion that the little girl in your arms is more than just your child." I heard someone say. I wondered what they meant though.

"People will think what they want. Now to the matter at hand. Which chuunin hopeful has shown their worth?" Ka-san's voice was very close by... and I could swear I was hearing he from two different angles. I knew this set up well, I was sleeping in her arms again. Well, no harm, no foul. So I decided to play possum a little longer.

"Well, it's safe to say that Matsuri will be promoted. She has shown all the tactical qualities we look for, and she used Shin's ego completely against him." That was Temari, I was sure of it.

"Yes, but the puppet boy did no such thing." Lazy, drawling, and I could almost hear the 'troublesome' coming. Yup, proctor number three was in this little meeting.

"His **name** is Akihito." Temari announced heatedly. Shikamaru muttered a 'troublesome' under his breath, earning a swat to the back of his head. Those two were as good as married.

"Either way, Shikamaru is right. Of Suna's hopefuls, only Matsuri shows the potential to be promoted. Now for the Taki girl."

"**Fail."** Was the unanimous vote. Apparently, getting one's rocks polished in front of thirty thousand people wasn't chuunin material.

"The Konoha contingent, we'll start with Hyuuga Daito." Daito? Wow, that's a creative name. It was pretty much calling him 'big boy'. Well, not my problem.

"His was... an interesting match." Okay, this was getting old fast. I stirred, opening my eyes. Only to find my head lodged between Ka-san's ample bosom.

"Couldn't take the careful comments anymore?" Ka-san teased, but didn't even waiting for my reply. "So what did you think of the matches?"

I took a moment to stretch the kinks out, none too please with all the snap, crackle and pop noises coming from me. Somehow that seemed familiar too... snap... crackle... pop? Why did I feel like drinking sweetened milk with... something else in it?

"The Hyuuga matches were pointless. He might as well... didn't show up at all. His first match was... disheartening, but the second match proved he was more preoccupied with the Sengo than his... opponent." I yawned at every pause – why was I so tired?

"The Sengo... I won't even go there. Shin's match proved Matsuri's skill, but refuted his own. And Shin's little... skit afterward didn't do him any favors."

"Nail on the head." Temari announced, fully agreeing with my analysis. I looked around a bit, trying to see who all was present. Temari was representing Suna. Aunty Itsuko was representing Kumo. Dunno the prick from Taki, but I didn't like him.

"And the Kumo contingent?" Ka-san asked, not minding my cuddling up to her a little closer.

"I was impressed with Pou. He was a bit aggressive, even at the very beginning. He could learn a bit more restraint. But his tactics were flawless and his assessment of the situation was top notch. If my vote would count for anything, I'd say he passes." I explained, but I felt my mood sour when I thought of Raiko. "The girl was crude, crass and vulgar. But she was effective none the less. She didn't even need to lift a finger to win her first bout, that has to count for something. My respect for her is grudging at best, but it is hard to argue with the results. I'd also recommend a pass for her, though I'd make sure she got the point that she should tone her tactics down."

Everyone agreed completely with me, other than Taki-baka. He was eying me a little too closely, and there was the weirdest vibe coming off of him. Like he won the lottery? I whispered something into Ka-san's ear, making sure it was so soft that even she would have to struggle to hear me.

"Alright, young lady. Time for you to head home." Ka-san nodded to aunty Itsuko, who frowned ever so slightly. I didn't even see any facial reaction... it was more an impression.

* * *

And that was it. One Konoha kunoichi was defeated by her own kiss. One Konoha shinobi defeated by his own ego. And the last defeated by his fixation of his first kiss. Konoha wept.

But it reminded me of something: there would always be someone stronger. In the end, Pou won. Why? What made him win? Was it because he was a direct confrontation type? Were his opponents less confrontational and therefore doomed to lose?

What was it? I hated having too much time on my hands.

"Ai, this is supposed to be a partaaaaaay!" Pou grabbed Raiko and lifted her as if she weighed nothing. She didn't seem to mind either. Well... strange, but whatever. Stranger still was the distinct lack of a teammate.

"Knock it off, Pou." Jei rolled his eyes at the boy. Talk about exuberant! Wow... I must really be a mess to be tossing out expensive words even in my own head. "And obviously Ai is getting tired. You guys should start heading off to your celebration party."

"No fizz, bro. Keep it smooth and creamy while we're gone." Something was wrong with Raiko. Seriously.

"Always do. Party hardy." They both responded with a 'Yessir.' and headed out, taking most of the others with them. I kinda felt bad that the 'party' by my house was so dead, but I really didn't have the energy for a proper one – Ka-san and Jei were right that I was getting tired easily. I noticed Pou trying to wrap an arm around Tenten and Yun, both of which shot him down.

I don't know who all left – strangely, seeing that for some reason I couldn't remember who was there. All I knew for sure was that Jei, Kouji, Daichi, Choco and Hibari stayed.

The boys stayed downstairs for a bit while the girls and I went upstairs to get me ready for bed. Once I was in my PJs – finally a pair that I liked – the cards came out and the guys rolled in. It's strange that I was getting used to so many people in the room while I was resting, and even weirder that guys were sleeping in the same room as me...

It felt comfortable though. Like the guys being there meant I was safe. "Hey, guys... tomorrow Choco and Hibari need to get suited up... make sure-"

"We'll take care of it, Ai-chan. Now rest." And so it started again. From asleep, to awake, to being told to go back to sleep. Only this time... Jei was my pillow. A warm, sti-... umm, har-... you know what... I'd better not finish that thought. He was my pillow. A pillow... just for me. Mine...

Did that... make me... his?

* * *

The sun's rays peaked into my window. They kissed my skin, my hair. Warm. The air was cool, trying to counteract the warmth. It failed though. No, nothing could stop this wonderful sensation bubbling up from that surreal warmth I felt.

It felt... wow. Just... wow.

My eyes fluttered. Slowly, they opened. Only, there was no light to be seen. It took a few seconds to adjust to the darkness, but I could clearly see the clouds hanging in the sky. There curtains weren't blocking out the light in the least. It was still the middle of the night. Then... why did I feel so refreshed?

I tried getting up, but there was a weight on my side that wasn't usually there: Jei's arm. His left hand was on my tummy, right in the center of my hara – my navel, more or less. But... where was...

I had to bite my lip to keep from giggling. His other arm was the pillow I slept on – right on the biceps. I realized that the little things trying to crawl right up into midair, was actually his fingers. The warmth I was feeling, incredible as it was, was actually Jei's warmth. He let me sleep under the sheets, with him cuddled up behind me.

Strange... even with Daichi and Kouji I didn't feel quite this safe. Boy did I feel safe, and strong. I felt like I could take on the world! Later! Right now though...ooh, this was so nice and warm. I snuggled a little deeper into his embrace, basking.

Jei stirred, mumbling something I couldn't quite make out. "shh... sleep, sweetie." He whispered. I smoothed his arm a bit, letting him know I was still there – that I wasn't going anywhere. Almost immediately his breathing leveled out and he was asleep again.

Placing my right hand on my tummy, right on his... He fumbled a little with his hand and our fingers intertwined. It seemed to be a natural reaction, because his breathing and the subtle movements of his eyes... he was dreaming.

Kaminari... Ai? Why did it sound so weird... and yet... why did it feel so comfortable. Hmm, Senju Jei? Yeah... I'd make him take my name. Maybe make him wash dishes and tend to the house. Get him pregnant. Yeah, I'd like that.

I could feel darkness trying to claim me once again – I was falling asleep. Somehow, the thought of Jei complaining about being fat and feeling the baby kicking brought a special smile to my face.

* * *

When I opened my eyes, I felt... good. Better than I had felt in a long time. It had only been The sun had risen. The birds were singing. The very air held a joy in it! The world was at peace.

I stirred, wondering if Ka-san would really allow me to start training again today. It had been a week – I think. Anyway, it didn't matter. I had things to do! No one paid attention to me when I asked them to suit Choco and Hibari up, so I was taking them myself. And I was going to discuss their taking classes with Yun and Tenten while we were there.

What weapons would they be good with? I remembered them sucking worse than me with the bow and arrow. They were half decent with kunai though – if they were throwing them. Well, I could always just ask the experts what was wisest.

Jei was – surprise, surprise – no longer in my bed. He always woke up way too early and went to train in the dojo before it got crowded. Secretive, that one was. Well, not like I really had the right to complain. Hibari and Choco were sleeping on futons over in one corner. I really had to talk them out of that mentality! I only begged them ten times a day to either lay in the bed with me, or at the very least stop acting like punished pets.

Kouji and Daichi were missing too – another familiar scene. I didn't know what they were doing, but I seriously doubted they were training with Jei.

I turned, placing my feet on the ground. Honestly, I barely made any sound. I wouldn't have woken up, or even noticed if someone did that while I was awake! But the girls eyes flew open, making me wonder what they'd been up to in the months since graduation.

"**Good morning, Ai-chan. Sleep well?"** They asked in unison. I said that I had, and asked if they slept well too. They smiled, nodded and started pestering me about taking a soak before breakfast. What could I say to that? I hadn't officially been allowed to train yet, so I didn't have the excuse that I wanted to train first.

We made our way down the hall, with our house clothes. I was at least allowed to carry my own things, though I suspect that was just because they hadn't yet found a good enough reason for me not to. A nice, long soak later and we were in the sitting room, waiting on breakfast – and the guys.

Today was supposed to be the day I was allowed to train again. Today, I could finally have my independence back again. I could start hunting down uncle Gai and Lee to train again. I could start bugging Sandaime-sama about training again. I could start my Suiton training again! Jeez, I guess even a near death experience didn't change me.

"We're going shopping later." I told the girls, who exchanged worried glances. They really weren't used to me yet, because I felt their worry long before their heads turned. "Kosuke-san is-"

"Oh, so I'm 'san' now? I swear, I don't show up within ten minutes of being sent and I'm demoted to a polite stranger!" Kosuke-chan? I turned to see the little messenger frog that Naruto-nii always sent my way. Having people with the same name around me was confusing!

"Kosuke-chan! I didn't even sense you coming!" I jumped at the little amphibian and hugged him. "How've you been?"

"Snacks first, questions after." He said seriously. He was almost as bad as Gamatatsu!

I made my way to the kitchen, letting him ride on my shoulder.

"So seriously, how's the knot?" I asked, opening the drawer reserved for candies for the toads that Naruto kept sending our way. I didn't stick my hand in the drawer, knowing that he'd want to pick his favorites – which changed more often than I changed underwear!

He said that everyone was doing good – a knot is what one called a group of frogs/toads. Too bad I had to decode his words, seeing that his mouth was full of one type of candy or another. Once he'd had his fill, he handed me a scroll with the Uzumaki swirl on it. Then he grabbed as many sweets as he could and puffed back to his home.

"Was that a..." The girls finally found their tongue. I just rolled my eyes, closing the drawer. I sat them down in the siting room again, giving them the time they needed to get over the initial shock. In the meantime, I started reading Naruto-nii's letter.

He briefly talked about his training with Jiraiya, as he usually did. Nothing revealing, just that things were going well. He also said he wanted to teach me and Konohamaru something when he got back. I was never given the chance to write a letter back to him, but somehow he always knew when something happened with me. I vaguely suspected that he had eyes on me at all times, which was compounded each time he asked me how I felt about something. Like my recent C-rank mission, my recent dates with Jei... even the tessen I was training with. I would have to start looking for signs of toads in the future.

"Frogs can talk?" I rolled my eyes, wondering how I was going to explain the very strange communication system in this family.

* * *

Sitting down in the Hokage Tower was never this nerve wrecking. Ka-san was having a meeting with Kosuke-san (the man, not the toad), Sakura-san, and Jei (?) about whether I would be allowed to train today or not. Which I was, naturally, not allowed to hear so much as a peep of. So I just sat, and waited. Kouji and Daichi were already out training with sensei, so only Choco and Hibari were actually with me. Strange, Ka-san never liked me being so unprotected.

I focused a little harder, trying to identify which ANBU was watching me this time. Sure, I couldn't see them, but there was no way Ka-san was taking any risks with me, even in the Tower. Strangely, I couldn't sense anyone. There was the two chuunin that guarded her door, but I had proven that they weren't infallible years ago. I sensed Shizune-nee in her office behind me.

Somehow I felt insecure. I wondered if I would be allowed to continue to push my limits. Ka-san had always been so protective of me, so it wouldn't exactly be out of character for her to simply ban me completely. Would I be happy about that? Would I be sad? To not have to risk my life or the lives of those around me in situations that I couldn't always control... was that something to be desired? I didn't know.

Not for the first time, I wondered why I started this journey in the first place. Well, it was too late to worry about it now. All that was left was taking the next step. That's really all I had.

The door opened and Sakura informed me that Ka-san was waiting to tell me of my fate. I followed her in, wondering what I should feel. Wondering what I should think.

Ka-san sat behind her desk – as per the norm. Kosuke-san stood at attentnion, next to Jei. And Sakura was simply standing behind Ka-san's desk at her side. I stood at full attention near the door, wondering what was to be my fate.

"Good morning, Ai. I've gotten all of the reports I need to decide whether you are fit to train again, but first I want to hear what you think. Are _you_ ready to start training again?" She asked me seriously. I took a few moments to let that thought roll through my head, wondering about the implications and ramifications and all that.

My chakra had settled down, so I didn't have to worry about passing out with a stiff breeze. My pulse was steady and strong. I didn't have trouble breathing. But was I ready? Did I want back into the shinobi rat race so quick? I thought about Kouji and Daichi... about Choco and Hibari. About Yun and Tenten. Konohamaru and his goons. About Naruto-nii... "I'm in perfect health. You needed worry about a relapse."

Ka-san nodded, thanked the others and asked them for a moment alone with me. Once the door was shut, she casted a privacy jutsu and asked, "So what's the problem?"

What to say to that? What **was** the problem? " Would it be weird if I said I wasn't sure?" She cocked an eyebrow at that.

"On the on hand I'm thrilled, because then I can continue training to achieve my potential. On the other hand... my friends..."

She just gazed at me, silently. It was a bit unsettling to not know what she was thinking, and she wasn't giving off any emotion whatsoever. So I just stood there, knowing that I had been honest – at least I'd be punished or rewarded for the truth.

She continued to gaze at me at length, eventually asking: "Does the thought of losing a friend trouble you that much?" I couldn't breathe. The thought of losing someone, anyone... Some of what I felt must have spilled into my facial expression, because she was suddenly radiating understanding.

"I know it's selfish to hope that no one dies..." I looked away, embarrassed. I didn't want to anything to happen to anyone! I wanted everyone to be okay... they had to be okay...

"Yes it is selfish. But it is also the most common desire known." She spoke softly, obviously trying to will away some bad memories. For some reason I got this... image... of a man with long gray hair and covered in blood. His eyes held loved, even though I could see he was dying. I didn't understand it.

"I too wish that people didn't have to die, but I guess I'm just too used to it these days." Somehow the image focused in on that smile. It was a smile I saw on Ka-san's face from time to time, though only when I did something that really impressed her. It was one part cocky, one part happy... the image just wouldn't go away.

Why would I see an image of someone like that? And who was it? Long gray hair? Pocketless flak jacket? Deep green eyes? And covered in blood? I... there was a name on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn't recall. And why did he remind me of Shizune-nee-san?

"Hokage-sama, I have a request. One that might well serve all parties well, including the worrisome mother." In under a second, Ka-san's eyes hardened to their usual Hokage-worthy state. Her hands covered the lower half of her face and she leaned slightly forward. I had her undivided attention.

"I'm listening."

* * *

Well, the plans had been laid. Now it was only to prepare the troops and report to my superior officer. I left the Tower, heading towards my usual stomping grounds – training ground number eight. The guys were going to be thrilled with the news I had, but I still wondered if we were ready for it. I mean sure, Ka-san was willing to give it a go. Did that mean we were ready? Or did that mean she was willing to take that chance?

It didn't matter, this was the path chosen. Now to get down to business. "Hey guys, where are we at in the warm ups?"

"**Ai-chan!"** Kouji and Daichi were clearly happy to see me. And seeing that I brought the girls with me... well, their smiles were a little brighter than usual.

"We were just about to call it a session and go get some breakfast." Sensei informed me, a little smile on his face. Seeing that I was once again in the field with them, he knew it meant things were finally getting back to normal.

"I just came from the Tower, so we don't have to pick up our mission later." I informed him, bowing in silent thanks.

"Good." Sensei inclined his head, seemingly understanding what I was thanking him for. He was never one for many words. "Alright, give me thirty cooldown laps!" Luckily I was already in my uniform, so I did a little stretch and caught up to the guys for our laps. Things were finally getting back into a familiar rhythm.

We (meaning sensei) decided to eat at Ichiraku's. Seeing as I'd already eaten, I settle for just a cup of tea and a little chat with Ayame – mostly me pointing out that sensei was going to be in town a lot more often in the foreseeable future. And the second the guys were done with their meal:

"**What do you mean by that? How are-"**

"Guys..." They settled down a little, and even sensei was genuinely intrigued by what I had to say. "I talked to Ka-san about an idea I had to help out at the Academy. So we will be giving so extra credit weapons classes until we have to leave to go to Kumo. It's three times a week, and it's C-class pay each time."

"That means that we can basically skip the usual D-class missions!" Kouji was clearly excited about that – he was usually pretty excitable. Well, he did have a point – one C-class mission paid the same as six D-class of the same duration. So we could basically expect around twenty thousand Ryou per mission day, seeing as it was two classes per mission day. Which we basically used to have to hustle to rake in per week.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Kouji. We still need to invest a lot of time and effort into keeping the deal. It's on a trial basis right now, but if we impress Iruka-sensei today..." They both nodded seriously, understanding where we stood on the matter. "We'll be passing by the Sengos to pick up some equipment and to suit up the girls. Then we are to report directly to Iruka-sensei. Our first class is this afternoon."

"We're only getting his class then?" Daichi asked.

"No. If we pass our test, then Mondays we'd have Daikoku's class. Wednesdays we'd have Iruka-sensei's class and Fridays we'd have Suzume's class." We were so going to pass though!

* * *

"Ah, Ai-chan, right on time." Iruka-sensei welcomed us. I looked around, seeing no faces I actually recognized. Still, I recognized quite a few clan traits. An Inuzuka here, a Yamanaka there. Ooh, is that a Hyuuga? And a Sengo. Crap, a Haruno too – I may think of Sakura as a sister... but that didn't mean her family was all that cool. "Class, allow me to introduce Senju Ai, Akamon Kouji and Takaoka Daich along with their jounin sensei Shirokuma Hayama."

"As I explained earlier, these three are here to give an elective class on weapons. Ai-chan, if you would be so kind as to elaborate?" That was Iruka-sensei's way of saying he had no idea what was going on.

"Thank you, sensei. Good morning everyone. After a lengthy debate with Hokage-sama we came to the conclusion that it would do the Academy students well if they were exposed to different weapon types. The political reasoning behind it being that we wish to incorporate certain aspects similar to our allies in Suna, but there is a practical reason too." I paused, wondering who was actually interested in my talks. Seeing as this was an elective, not everyone was going to take it, and we needed as many participants as possible if this was to be considered a success.

Still, I remember my days with the instructors here. The riddle after riddle. Hell, even the tests were little riddles within themselves. One of the finer lessons taught here, was to never assume you got the whole story.

Everyone was wondering what I was going to say. Would I be the first to just say what this was all about? Would I break tradition and really just give them a play by play of the pros and cons of starting out young with weapons training and how it could save their lives? About how much I learned about life just by sitting at that rickety little counter and talking to Ji-chan about weapons and tools?

"Ka-san made me do it." Nah. They'd just think I was preachy or something. "Now, after the lunch break we will be meeting in the inside gym. Iruka-sensei is welcome to come, but his presence is not mandatory. Kouji, Daichi and myself will be your instructors for the afternoon."

Did I forget to mention that it was an elective? Oops?

* * *

Surprise, surprise. All the kids from Iruka-sensei's class showed up. That meant that he had the afternoon off for once. And _yet_ he showed up. Whatever.

We were int the indoor gym, which didn't really stand for much. The floor was clean and the walls were unstained, but I remember a lot of accidents happened here – so much blood spilled, even among classmates. Like the time Kouji wanted to show off and accidentally shot Jin with an arrow – it had gone right through his arm. Or when Hibari accidentally stabbed Daichi with a kunai during a spar – he needed twenty seven stitches and still had a nasty scar on his left shoulder. That probably was the exact point that they two started crushing on each other though. It sounded weird, but Hibari had gone to visit him everyday at home to check on him and to clean the bandages herself – so they started spending a lot of time together because of it. Weapons were dangerous, but if used correctly... or if an accident held purpose...

"Welcome to your first weapons class. We are going to start by doing some simple stretches. While we are doing that, Kouji and Daichi are going to have an exhibition match to show you guys the tonfa and trench knives." I explained. Not giving anyone a chance to start complaining, I instructed them to do a split to work on their flexibility.

In the mean time, Kouji and Daichi started their little match. The thing about exhibition matches, is that you don't actually go for the hit – unlike spars, where you tap your opponent to let them know they would've been hit. They were just flowing through attack after attack, letting the motions be seen. Still, it was enough for me to know that they have been giving it their all to really make these weapons their own.

"Alright guys, that's enough of that. We are now going to split up into three groups. One group will focus on dual kunai wielding, under Kouji." I tapped Kouji's shoulder so they knew who I meant.

"The second group will focus on tonfa, under Daichi." I tapped Daichi's shoulder.

"And the final group will focus on the sword, under me." All three of us lined up, with a few meters between us. "Please pick which group, and remember that each weapon is dangerous. So please take this seriously."

There was a scramble for who was going into which group. I noticed that much of it was social clicks sticking together, but I also noticed that some of it was people avoiding certain individuals. Kouji and Daich got the majority – no one had seen if I was any good after all. I didn't care.

Those in my group were kind of eying me curiously. It was as if they weren't sure if I could live up to expectations. "Good. So you've chosen the sword. Please take a bokken and make sure there is space enough between you that the tip of your bokken would miss the tip of the bokken of the person next to you."

I tossed a wooden sword to each of the six, checking who caught it and with what level of ease. They were as graceful as a hippo in pink tutu – but at least they all caught it. Well... all but one. A girl with gray hair and green eyes had dropped her bokken, and the others (all girls) were giggling at her. She accepted the response as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Was there a story there?

"Are we going to line up, or giggle all afternoon?" They got into position, each taking a minute to check that the tips of their bokken would miss the tips of those around them. Once I was satisfied, I took a bokken of my own and started pacing between them.

"Who here thinks this is a toy?" I asked, not in any mood to have an injury to explain. No hands were raised. "Good. Even though this sword is made of wood, it is still a sword. And in the hands of a master, a bokken is just as dangerous as a regular sword. Remember that."

Let the lesson begin!

* * *

"Very good. I'm proud to see each of you applying yourself. Please hand in your bokken and you are free to leave." I bowed slightly to my students. It was weird how quickly they grew on me. I mean, this was only my first class!

The girls handed me the practice weapon, thanking me for some thing or another. Then the gray haired one came. She bowed low, apologizing for being such a klutz. It was so cute how she blushed and was stumbling over her words like that.

"What's your name?" I asked her, a little embarrassed that I never asked them their names.

"Katou Ikue." She bowed low, not sure why. Wait a min- "Yes, I come from the same clan as your Shizune-nee-san. She speaks highly of you."

The way she spoke. It was as if I was Daimyo-sama, and she was but a servant girl. That bothered me. "She will speak highly of you in time." I petted her head, wondering at that. Not the words, but the desire to see that day come. It was weird. Too weird.

Well, it was less than five minutes after class had officially ended. All the students vacated the gym and all that was left was Iruka-sensei, Hayama-sensei, the guys and me. Cleaning my bit was a synch, so I decided to go help the guys so we could leave soon.

"What did you think of your first day?" Iruka-sensei asked. I shrugged, grabbing the mat Kouji was 'not' struggling with and helped him stow it away properly.

"It was... an experience." I smiled a little, wondering what there was to think about it. I mean, Kouji and Daichi took on the bulk of the students. I just had six girls, who were all well behaved – not exactly a good indicator of what a class would really be like.

"I thought it was cool giving a class for once!" Kouji would think that. He probably enjoyed telling everyone else what to do.

Daichi on the other hand was just... well, being Daichi. He swept the floor, put away the remaining mats and simply went about doing what had to be done. He didn't say much of anything, but the gentle smile on his face spoke volumes of what he thought.

"Well, we just need to report to Ka-san and we can hear if we made the cut." I said. Somehow it no longer mattered – I was going to make the most of it either way. I just hoped that the guys would take the news well – they tended to be harder on themselves than I was.

"You guys go on then, I can finish up here." Iruka-sensei offered, and I could tell that Kouji was already jumping at the chance. But Daichi turned him down. I had to agree, it was our job – our responsibility.

It took less than ten seconds before the complaints started. "Chill, Kouji. We'll be finished in less than five minutes if we hurry." That boy was always so... Kouji!

* * *

Not much happened during our report. We told her how it went, Iruka-sensei offered his two cents and sensei mostly agreed. Nothing spec-

"So, little Ai is taking on big things." I turned to see Termari and Shikamaru standing behind me. I remember how much the Nara complained about being charged as her liaison (he called it glorified babysitting). And yet he's the prick complaining?!

"Says the laziest CSE proctor in history." I retorted. He just rolled his eyes. Well, some things just never changed. "If that is all, Hokage-sama. My team and I still have our final training for the afternoon."

"Actually, I have an appointment set up with Kakashi to test your Suiton training. Should you impress him, you may progress to the next phase." She informed me. I just groaned. Kakashi was not the... gentlest trainer around.

"Shizune will be accompanying you." As if on cue, the door opened again and Shizune-nee-san walked in. I just rolled my eyes – this was a nice way of saying '_I don't think you're up to a full day of training yet. So we're just going to have to test you and see._'

"And Teams 7 and 8 will be joining you as well." I groaned a lot louder, rolled my eyes and just started walking out the office. This was a set-up-to-fail if I ever saw one.

* * *

Back to training ground 8, to reality. Everyone was already there. Jei, Matsuri, Kouji, Daichi, Tekuno-sensei, Hayama-sensei... even Ame. Shizune was off to one side sipping tea with Sakura, chatting. If this test was only about me... why were all these people here?

"Ai-chan. Right on time, as always." Kakashi said. Well, it was hard to be late in his eyes. (-..-)''

"Kakashi, actually here on time? What did Ka-san threaten you with?" All jounin (and Sakura-san) laughed at the cyclops's expense. The genin were kinda wondering what was so funny – poor them.

He cleared his throat, obviously not wanting to answer the question. Motioning for me to turn to the training dummy we kept here. Poor thing looked like it was raped by a bunch of drunken monkeys, then chewed on by a rabid dog.

"We will start with Suiton: Teppoudama." The water bullet. Fine. I focused my chakra, made the Tiger handseal and shot a single, fist sized glob of water at the abused target. It took the hit, right in the face. Even with how gentle I was being... he won't be surviving the day. Wonderful. The easiest water based attack was out of the way.

"Suiton: Suihachi." Water bowl? I hated this technique! It forced me to knead and convert the chakra in my palm, which was **much** harder! There was almost no way to apply deadly force to this technique either. With the water bullet, I _could_pressurize it in my mouth to make it more dangerous. But there was little hope of that with this one. Focusing, I funneled my chakra to make sure it didn't become wasteful... and I shot a stream of water about half an inch thick right into the dummy's gut. The force of it nearly ripped through the tattered material – it was **that** beat up!

"Mizu Bunshin no-jutsu." A water clone? Why couldn't we do this by the lake? Or the bathhouse? Or a pond somewhere? No... I had to make my own water first! Then I had to make my technique.

Dragon – Tiger – Hare. "Suiton – Mizurappa!" I expelled all the water I would need through my mouth, focusing to make sure it didn't just drain of into the ground. Basically it became a cushion of water I stood on, more or less ten meters in diameter and two meters high – it wasn't a block, so don't be too impressed (and who was I defending myself from?). Then I started on the actual technique – Kakashi was being a smart ass again. I made the Seal of Confrontation to help me concentrate. It was a popular belief that the Tiger seal was needed for the Mizu Bunshin and the Water Bullet, but that was done out of habit for concentration. Both techniques were purely chakra kneading and water manipulation techniques.

A pillar of water sprouted up, sloughing off and taking form over the course of ten seconds. Then colors started mixing in the water, and more details were sculpted. Eventually, all that was left was a perfect copy of me. She scratched her cheek, while I crossed my arms – both of us waiting on the next technique.

"Suiton: Suirou no-jutsu." Water prison. You see why I needed so much water? Snake – Ram – Horse – Hare – Ram – Horse – Hare, then I spread my hand out in front of me, palms facing the bunshin. It was a few strides in front of me, so I dashed forward and executed the jutsu. I had to work on the timing, because that was pathetic! There was almost a full second between the last handseal and the executing the jutsu... that wouldn't do. Still, the size and density were decent, and I increased the pressure until the bunshin wasn't able to breathe. The bunshin reverted to its element, and I released the prison – pointless to trap the dead.

"Suiton: Suigun Suima no-jutsu." That firefighter jutsu? It wasn't useful for anything other than transporting a lot of water quickly – not enough pressure to do any damage and not enough distance to mean much of anything. Fine. Boar – Dog – Horse – Tiger. Water splashed up in a... I dunno... I wouldn't really call it a funnel. It was more like a hose built out of water. Anyway, it was aimed at Kakashi, but he knew the technique was anything but deadly – he just let it hit him. I wanted to make stupid jokes like 'wet behind the ears', or 'smell like a wet dog'... or something like that. But I'd settled for him just looking like a scarecrow after a downpour.

He still looked less than impressed with my target. "Hijutsu: Kirisame."

"Are you going to explain to Kiri what I'm doing knowing their jutsu?" I asked before actually doing anything.

He shrugged. "They shouldn't have tried capturing me with it then.

" I wasn't going there. That was just a can of worms I would leave Ka-san deal with if it came to that. Still, Kakashi was being a prick about calling the techniques. You can't just do the Kirisame directly, not without a thick mist already present. So I had to cast the Kirigakure no-jutsu, make it sufficiently thick, and **then** do the Kirisame.

Even then it was more complex than it sounded. I started exciting the water molecules in my 'cushion'. Mist is formed when the temperature of the water is warmer than the air floating around it – well, natural mist at least. But seeing as I didn't actually know Katon jutsu, I had to excite the molecules until they 'flew away'. It was a slow process.

At first I could barely tell anything happened. Mist was soundless, scentless, tasteless. It was jealous, so beauty was siphoned away from all that wished to indulge. It was... eerie. I had to will myself into a cold, calculating mindframe in order to truly perfect this skill. Slowly, every so slowly, the horizon faded out. Visibility was dropping. Fast and faster. It was starting to look like I was sinking into a bowl of whipped cream. Thicker, and thicker. Until...

Ram – Dog – Rat. The mist wept. Tear after tear streamed from the lowly cloud, streaming down onto any who was there. The bitter rain washed away hope, aspiration... and chakra. Any chakra signature that didn't perfectly match mine, was denied the right to be expressed. It was... gloomy.

More importantly though, if I wanted to I could absorb the chakra and inject it into my own system... but that came with so many risks and pitfalls that I didn't dare to try. Not even with someone that wouldn't try to hurt me.

I made sure that Sakura-san was kept out of the effective radius of my technique – I'd rather be overcautious than have something to explain. But other than that, everyone got hit with my 'rain'.

"Good. Now try to do something that would surprise me." What? He didn't want me to piss off our friends from Taki with their water whip? Hmm... allies my- "Taking your time isn't very _surprising_."

He wanted it rough? I kicked the cushion, sending out a tendril of water in every direction. Each tendril grabbed a person (other than Sakura-san for obvious reason). Either by their leg, or arm... or in Ame's case, his neck.

As one, they all flew into the cushion. Not willingly, might I add. Then came my favorite part: I did the handseals for the Suirou, kicked the cushion again... and everyone kinda rolled out of the cushion in their own little world. Well, if their little world was a meter in diameter, and filled with dense water.

"Satisfied?" I intoned, gazing at his glob intently. He nodded – it was kinda hard to suppress someone of his caliber. "Good." I released everyone from the Suirou they were trapped in.

WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! "FEED ME!" I announced in a stupid voice. Everyone broke out of the spell they seemed to be trapped in. It wasn't everyday that I strutted my stuff in public! Still, hungry!

"My treat." Hayama-sensei offered.

"Oh no! Not more ramen again!" I complained. "I need something more filling!"

* * *

"Seriously, Ai! That was nuts! How the hell did you even come up with something like that?!" Kouji was being... Kouji. Loud. Over the top. Finding everything jutsu/weapon related cooler than burning ice. Yup. Synonymous with Kouji.

"Talking during a meal is rude." Daichi countered. Sure, he was impressed too – well, more so than normal – but he was just being more low key about it. He was... a rock. No matter how much something moved him, he would let it move him. And once the moving stopped, well he was just a rock in another location. Choco and Hibari weren't there to distract the guys, so I just had to deal with them as things were.

"Agreed. Kouji, just chill. She'll be just as awesome tomorrow." Matsuri just had to go there. I rolled my eyes, knowing that I wasn't ever going to hear the end of this.

"Get off it. I still have lightyears to go before _I_ could consider _myself_ awesome." I pointed out. And, as usual, no one listened. "Like Daichi said, it's rude to talk during a meal."

"Hokage-sama wants her to move onto the next phase. Please let me know if you need any help with that." Kakashi um... was that a whisper? Was he even eating? I dunno. I kinda paid attention to my own meal, but his bowl was empty... weird.

Has anyone actually seen Kakashi eat? Anyway, "What's the next phase then? I mean, I've been bugging Ka-san for months to let me start learning higher level jutsu." Everyone went quiet. And I mean, everyone. Even Kouji was kinda looking around uncertainly. Great. Everyone knew but me. And Ka-san probably threatened their nuts if they opened their mouth.

Fine. It was still weird to be in Ginkai's without Choco around though! Humph. Wait.. where did that...? Nevermind. If I had to asked, I probably didn't want to know. "Where are Hibari and Choco anyway?" Kosuke-san was missing too...

"What? They can't train?" Kouji asked like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And I didn't even have to bug them? Cool!

I settled in, trying to enjoy my meal. My four man team was officially complete. The team I built. Sure, they were learning – so was I, I couldn't hold that against them. Sure, they were still no where near where I needed them to be – again, same could be said for me. But the sky was the limit! I knew that I could always count on the four of them, and I hoped they knew they could count on me.

Together. We'd grow strong, and we'd make the difference in this broken world. Together.

"I can't believe you didn't invite us!" Pervymaru? I had to bite my lip to not let a (verbal) barb fly at him. It was still tempting though. "Jeez, Nabi-chan. Can you believe your best friend wanted to celebrate without us?"

"Kono-chan, you really should behave before she starts calling you **that** name again." Nabi-chan poked his cheek, teasing him. Aww, they were so cute together!

"Fine." Choco's older sister came up, taking Konohamaru, his team and Hanabi's orders (the regular) and they joined us. As always, Ginkai's was simply the hangout for us. We spent the next twenty minutes catching up on the latest news among us – Hanabi was asked at least a thousand questions about her and Konohamaru, I had to slap Kouji in the back of his head for bragging about my Suiton test, Moegi complained about their sensei not taking her and Udon's training seriously... and so on.

"Hey, Moegi, I might have a solution for that. Yun and Tenten give weapon classes, and I know they're looking for more students." I pointed out.

"I know, but with these crummy D-rank missions I'll never be able to afford a decent sword to train with. Besides, I'd have to pay for the classes too. And I highly doubt-" I kinda blotted out the rest of her complaint. My brain was filtering through some other, much more interesting, facts and figures.

"I've got it!" Um, maybe I should have waited for her to finish complaining first? She kinda looked flushed... and freaked out. "Konohamaru, you still have that sword?"

"Stupid question, you're wearing it. Look, hear me out. If you give your sword to Udon, I'll give my sword to Moegi. Then I give you Eda to train with. I-won't-be-able-to-offer-either-the-attention-they-deserve. And-your-clan-has-at-least-a-hundred-scrolls-on-Bojutsu-so-you'd-be-better-equipped-to-wield her anyway. _And_thatwaytheycouldtakelessonsf romyouoryoucanbugEbisuaboutt eachingthemhowtowieldtheirsw ords." I paused to take a deep breath to calm myself. Whew, that was a mouthfull! I really was scatterbrained (or was that ADHD flaring up?) when excited. "What do you think?"

"Do you think she breathed during that?" Jei teased, nudging Konohamaru with his elbow.

Konohamaru chuckled, but a thought hit him – between the eyes, if my guess was right. "Wait, you're not going to pummel me for taking advantage of your girl?" The Sarutobi seemed shocked. Huh?

"Why would I? If I had to beat up every guy she talked to, she wouldn't be my girl." Jei smirked. Did I feel his foot rubbing against mine from under the table? And when did I become his girl in the first place?! Whatever, I'd deal with that later.

"Don't make me ask you again." I asked, in lieu of dragging Jei into the next room to give him a dressing down... unfortunate choice of words.

Udon and Moegi were practically begging their 'fearless leader' to say yes.

"Fine, but then you two are taking professional classes to learn how to wield those swords. I'm not going to be traveling with any butter-fingers swordsmen!" Whatever floats your boat, Pervymaru. I told them to swing by the Senju District later and I'd suite them up. The gleeful shout Moegi let loose was hard not to smile at though.

"Or better yet! I still have to drag Choco and Hibari to the Shinobi Outfitters Store. We can meet up there, and you guys can ask Yun and Tenten about the classes one shot! I promise you won't be disappointed in the price or the quality of the classes." Those two had better appreciate all the hustling I do to send them business!

* * *

On our way to the Sengo's, I realized two things. One: sometimes my subconscious saved me. Like offering Eda – a Sengo made weapon – in front of a Sengo to bear witness. Two: Kiba and Sasuke both got on my nerves a lot!

"Come on, Ai-chan! This would be a great chance to prove that Team Kiba-"

"**Kurenai**." I corrected.

"is the best team in Konoha! You've got to-"

"I don't **have** to do _~anything~_." I corrected again.

"give us a chance to prove that we're the best!" Once again, Kiba was proving his was an arrogant pig – sorry Tonton. At least Sasuke was being housebroken. Did I just think something positive about Uchiha? Great! Another thing Kiba's to be blamed for...

"Look, all the scout teams are going to be bugging you about-" I just blocked him out. I was not going to waste the energy, braincells or... pretty much anything trying to understand what Kiba wanted with me this time. Why did I tell Jei to meet me at the Sengo's?

"You know, Kiba. Nothing you do will ever get you a date with me, right?" Maybe if I just twisted it enough, I could get Kiba off this and on another track. It's the **only** advantage of a one track mind.

"Hey, dating can come later. This is bigger than that! This is proving I'm the alpha male! This is-"

"Getting! On! My! Nerves!" If I didn't have Hibari and Choco here to calm me down, I'm pretty sure I would have kicked him by now – or kneed, depending on what hit his crotch first. "If you've got something interesting, Inuzuka, then have your sensei discuss the matter with my sensei. If he agrees, he can then bring it up with me in a manner that does not make me want to break laws." I glared at him, dead in his eyes. I hoped beyond hope that he would understand what that meant, and leave me alone!

"So you're saying that I'm driving you wild?" He tried giving me a sexy smirk, but all I saw was a practice dummy with a red dot between its legs.

"Inuzuka-san, is there some reason you are hitting on my fiance?" I turned to see a very, VERY vexed Jei. Arms crossed, tense posture, Kami-sama knows what going through his mind and Kiba in his cross hairs. And let's not even think about the waves of aggravation and jealousy rolling off him.

I honestly didn't think he was the jealous type... but I understood how he felt – I'd probably torture any girl that was blatantly flirting with him. Wait... what?!

"Look, Kaminari, this's got nothing to do-"

"Let's go Jei. If I stay here any longer we'll start fighting over who gets to hit him first." I grabbed Jei's arm, hugging it. I gazed right into his eyes, seeing the lingering emotions there – none too pleasant. "Please?"

Like a switch had been hit. His eyes softened, his lips curled up just slightly. He turned to Kiba, bowed politely and we were off. I think he even said something about looking forward to a team on team bout.

I saw how badly Jei wanted to rip Kiba a new one. I felt how thoroughly he had been upset. He turned away, because I asked him to. He let it go. Sure, he was still going to rip him a new one under the right circumstances, but I wasn't going to nitpick.

I tugged on his arm a little, making Jei lean towards me. So, in the middle of town, where everyone could see – including the same Kiba I was certain Jei was no longer thinking about... I was going to give him something he usually only got after nearly making me wet myself from laughing so much.

"Thank you." I gave Jei a peck on the lips. Not hot and steamy, but definitely worth something. We continued walking towards the Sengos, Jei's mood soaring higher than the clouds.

**End Chapter 14**

* * *

_**A/N: Well, Ai's being forced to show her skills more. I wonder what Tsunade's up to? So much going on at once, so much no one is talking about. What does it mean? **__**Well, maybe the next chapter will reveal a bit more?**_

_**Up next: Chapter 15 - Ai to Jei... or was it I and J?**_

_**And is it just me, or are those horizontal lines just not showing up?**_


	15. I and J

**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**

**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**

* * *

When we finally made it to the Sengos. Me still clinging to Jei, and Choco and Hibari a step behind us. Kouji and Daichi were at the entrance waiting on us, and Kosuke-san... had apparently being shadowing us the whole time. That would have been useful information when Kiba was bothering me!

Fine, whatever. Once inside, Yun, Tenten and uncle Sengo welcomed us. The girls fled deeper into the store, already going through clothes, weapons and the like – Yun and Tenten just loved it when I brought someone by. But uncle Sengo asked to speak to me privately.

"I got a package delivered from Takumi, with your name on it." I couldn't believe it! Kujaku was amazing to have it done this quickly! He nodded to the package, which was sitting on the counter just waiting for me. I tore into like it owed me money.

"Huh?" An umbrella? A pair of tanbo. Two slingshots and a pair of yoyos? Okay, the tanbo I asked for... but the rest? "Kouji and Daich."

"Yeah, those two have been bugging me about a package they were expecting... It came with three scrolls and a price spec list. Everything but the 'to be paid by' date. That isn't like her at all." Uncle Sengo probably had it for a few days contemplating if to take the risk of letting me open it at all.

"No, that's already been taken care of. I'm sure that was the money Kouji and Daichi asked to borrow while we were there." I offered, knowing he already had the package scanned by ANBU just to be sure.

"Well, that solves that. I trust you know what belongs to whom." He nodded, already heading back to his forge – a busy man, that one. I looked at the scrolls, wondering which belonged to which weapon. One had a stylized 'I', another a stylized 'J'... well, that made it kind of obvious.

I turned, facing the crew. I wondered time and time again what was going through those dorks' heads. "I take it that the package finally arrived?" Daichi had this look in his eyes – he wasn't sure if I would be pleased or pissed.

Jei, wondering what I was looking at, started walking towards me. I smiled, picking up the tanbo. Well, I tried to! "Heavy..."

"What's up?" Jei asked, eying me carefully.

"I wanted to give you these..." I began, trying to lift a single tanbo... but even the one was heavy enough to make me wonder if this was such a good idea. "but it's way too heavy! I can barely lift it."...

Jei, being who he was, picked it up and wondered what my deal was. To him, it was light as a feather. That irked me. I tried picking up the second tanbo, only for the situation to repeat itself. He held them both without a problem, whereas I couldn't hold one!

"Humph." I handed him the scroll marked with a 'J'. "So who wants to take a crack at explaining the rest of it?"

"Well, Daichi and I wanted to get you the umbrella. The slingshots are for Choco and Hibari, but the yoyos?" Kouji was very forthcoming, for once. It was good to know that they actually lived up to their side of the bargain!

"We'll figure that out later. Let's just go see what the girls are doing." Suddenly, it became so quiet that I could hear crickets. The guys – all of them – suddenly lost their nerve.

"I, uh... gotta go train!" Kouji was the first to chicken out, but Daichi was quick on his heels. Jei was looking at the door they just exited through, longingly. I shrugged, telling him he needed to start training with his new toys. I didn't know he could shunshin until that moment.

Only Kosuke-san remained that ever present smile still firmly on his features. I rolled my eyes, wondering what was so bad about shopping. I guess the battle of the sexes will continue for yet another generation... oh well.

* * *

#-#

Not even ten minutes later, Konohamaru's team showed up – with Hanabi in tow. Knowing what they were here for, I called for Tenten to bare witness. I then handed Hanabi the staff for Konohamaru, knowing she would want the honor. I then turned to Moegi, gazing at her seriously.

"Moegi, this is Shinsei. She is a reverse edged wakizashi that has served me well. I trust she will do the same for you." I held eye contact with her the whole time, making sure she understood how serious I was taking this.

She took Shinsei, holding her properly – a fact I was grateful for. I took a deep breath, taking a moment with my first sword. "I know what she means to you, Ai-chan. I assure you, I will take good care of her." Moegi told me. I took another deep breath, releasing the blade into her grasp. She clutched Shinsei to her chest, bowing reverently to me. "Thank you."

I nodded, giving her the time she needed to check her new blade from every angle. In the meantime, I scoped out Hanabi offering Konohamaru Sengo-ji-chan's Eda. I noticed her cheeks were tinged pink from the intimacy of the situation – and really that's what this was meant to be. There is little more precious, personal and intimate than giving someone a weapon. Which is why I chose to give Shinsei to Moegi and not Udon – as well as why I had Hanabi offer Eda in my steed.

Suddenly, the urge to properly give Jei those tanbo haunted my thoughts. Still, there was little I could do if I couldn't even hold the things...

And there we had it, Konohamaru, Moegi and Udon. Each armed and ready for the world. "Now about those weapons classes..." Tenten began, prompting me to get out of her way.

I chose to go check on Choco and Hibari, who were just finishing things up with Yun. They both wore uniforms similar to mine, with proper mesh-wire armor beneath it. Shinobi sandals and their forehead protectors completed the look nicely. They looked professional – now to make sure they were as good as they looked.

"So basically it boils down to your choice in weapons now." I told the girls. They both kinda looked squeamish at that. "What?"

Hibari looked to Choco, who was looking at her feet. "About that... We were kinda wondering... if you... might, possibly, be willing to... maybe teach us... to someday work with... your slingshot?" Couldn't get any more indirect than that, could she? Still, it did prove that the guys had done their homework.

"What's this about? All this worry, over asking me to teach you something?" I was disappointed in both of them, severely. They shouldn't be acting this shy about little details like this!

"It's just... we know that you sometimes get a bit... _evasive_ when it comes to your weapons." Hibari explained. Oh, was that it?

"Well, then I guess it's a good thing that Kouji and Daichi already had _~two slingshots~_ made just for you, huh? I mean, I can't be evasive about your weapons, can I?" Two pairs of eyes went wide and teary in no time flat. I couldn't help but giggle at them. "But that's beside the point, what about main weapons? Slingshots can't be anything but long range."

The hunt for their weapons began. Choco was... difficult. She hated swords, tessen weren't her thing, kunai were too basic, bows were Kouji's thing... it went on like that for almost an hour. I was almost to the point of pulling out my hair. I decided to simply switch to Hibari, hoping that she would be a little easier.

And she was! She was the easiest person to buy weapons for I've ever seen! She hated them all. "I don't hate any of them, Ai-chan. I had the lowest score in the class for weapons – I'm no good with any of them." And the difference was?

"What is it about weapons that you suck at?" I asked, hoping she understood where I was coming from.

"Everything?" Nope, clueless. Well, it was just a matter of figuring out who was good at what then. "Fine. Yun, Tenten, I'm afraid I'll have to bug the two of you to figure out what is the best option for these two. Sensei's gonna start hunting me down in the next ten minutes to start my new training. And Kosuke-san, can I ask you to help them as well?" I got three nods.

"I left the two slingshots on the counter in the backroom. And a pair of yoyos. I'm not too sure what to do with those, but maybe the girls will find them interesting. Kosuke-san, I'll be heading home. So take care of the girls for me, okay?" I grasped my new umbrella a little tighter, wondering what this new phase was going to be. And I was out of there.

The first shunshin placed me outside on a rooftop. By the fifth shunshin, I was passing the guards at the gate. Another jump placed me at the front door. From there I just walked upstairs. I informed Inaho that I was going to need a heavier meal than usual for dinner – knowing sensei. And I changed into my training uniform. Tenshi in sheath over my shoulder, Kibou and Shin in my leg pouch and my slingshot in my belt pouch.

I left my new umbrella, with her scroll, on my bed – I'd deal with that later. I had just enough time to grab a soda when sensei showed up. I nodded to him, and asked where we were going to train.

"Come, I'll show you."

* * *

#-#

Training ground thirty-four. That's where he took me. "Chuunin training grounds? Am I even allowed to be here?" I asked, looking around. There was a pond with a dock, a rocky part, and it was breezy here.

"Yes, you are allowed to be here. This is actually a direct order from Hokage-sama." He explained. Well, that made no sense. Why would Ka-san order him to train me? It was his job!

"So what are we doing here, exactly?" Time for a little show and tell, ne sensei?

"We are here to start the process of unlocking your second element. Which isn't as simple as unlocking your primary." He explained. "With the primary element, we can use a chakra paper to see what it is, and simply train until we are proficient in it. The others are all guess work."

I pretty much blocked out the rest of it. Boiled down to the basics, we were going to try each element one at a time to see which one worked. "So which one are we starting with?"

"Hokage-sama pointed out that the most common secondary element within the Senju Clan is Doton. So we will start there." He explained, motioning for me to sit down. "Doton is known as the blind element, because there is no way to see what you're doing. Many techniques require you to shut off all other senses in order to keenly 'see'. So that's what I want you to do. Using Doton, I want you to 'see' what's going on beneath you."

"And how do I tell if it's Doton I'm seeing it with, and not some other method?" I wondered, already sensing the life force of slugs, worms and... Was that a badger? No, rabbit.

"Easy. With Doton, you'd be able to sense how dense something is. If you can determine the density of something, you're sensing with Doton." He explained, then sat down himself. His breathing evened out quickly and he clearly entered a meditation. And the reason he said the same thing twice is...?

With nothing better to do, I tried to sense how tough that worm was. I could already tell this was going nowhere. Still, this was something that Ka-san wanted done, so I would at least try. I was still going to be bugging Tenten to see if maybe the Sengo had a shortcut to figuring this out! 'Cause 'try and see' was not in any way efficient!

Humph... and people wondered why this could take years?!

* * *

#-#

Four hours. Sensei had me sit there, and try to see without seeing... for four hours. And believe me when I say, I saw nothing. I could count the animals underground, I could tell him which rabbits were pregnant, I could tell him which slug already gave birth and 'became' male. But I couldn't sense the density of anything! Talk about frustrating.

I left the training session in a foul mood. And I meant just that: anyone that got on the wrong side of my patience wasn't guaranteed the ability to walk away from the scene. I went straight home, into the dojo and I sat. I sat, and I tried to calm down.

I had learned Suiton, Kenjutsu, Fuuinjutsu and Iryou Ninjutsu before. I'd at the very least mastered the basics of each. And all that, without wanting to rip my hair out! Or ever thinking about causing bodily harm to the person trying to teach me.

But sitting down for four hours and making not only no progress, but not even being sure if there was progress to be made?! There had to be a better way than this! At least with the weeks I'd put into Suiton before any results could be seen, I'd been able to sense a change in the water. I'd been...

Wait a minute! Sensing! If we were going to sniff out my secondary element by trying to see if I can sense something... then that would mean that we were looking to see what I could see!

I had no idea why that helped, but it did! I mean, it took me what... a day to really be able to sense what the water was doing. And that being my primary element, I could assume that my secondary would take at worst twice as long. So if by tomorrow night I still sensed nothing, then it was a lost case. I could move on and try the next. Only... how did that work with the other elements? Well, I could bug sensei about that tomorrow!

Still, I had a class to teach tomorrow. I couldn't train in the afternoon, so tomorrow morning bright and early I was hunting sensei down to call Doton a wrap! Because there was little to no chance that I was ever going to make anything interesting with Doton. I just didn't feel anything with the element. Not like with water.

I had felt a strong connection with water for as long as I could remember! Which, given my recent track record wasn't really saying much... maybe I should ask Nee-san what was up with that. It couldn't be very healthy that anything that had any real reference with my life before Konoha was utterly wiped out.

Anyway, to things I can actually control. Now that I had calmed down, it was time to start my katas with Tenshi. Then I wanted to spend at least two hours working on that jutsu for Kibou, I wanted to start getting Heaven's Feathers on my list of mastered jutsu. Not a very long list, but progress was noted every day! If you counted positive percentage differences as progress...

I took Tenshi out of her scabbard, facing my imaginary opponent. Tenshi's tip was pointing directly at his heart. Funny how the weapon was a woman, but the target you kill with her is a man.

With no discernible sign to start, I clicked Tenshi into her snake form and shot her tip right into his throat, snapping the vertebrae directly behind it. Then I twirled, slashing at his lungs, ripping though the slots between his ribs. I kicked up my left knee, shooting the tip through the skin under his chin, up through his brain and though the back of his skull.

Watching the arc Tenshi was taking, it was hypnotic. I honestly couldn't help but watch it, wondering if I flicked my wrist just right, if I had punctured the right spot, if his death would be painless...

It was a morbid way to train, but I knew well that I wasn't practicing to heal people like this. Which was why I got the worst of it out of the way as soon as I could. Next I sliced his liver in half, I snapped his spine in two, ripped his stomach open and... The Dragon's Kiss Goodnight...

The Dragon's Kiss Goodnight was a six point kill kinjutsu. Uncle Sengo taught it to me himself, saying that it was only to be used in the worst case scenario! Against an opponent who had transgressed so thoroughly that in no way, shape or form did he deserve to live.

First you impale the liver, twist the tip around through the intestines and shoot it parallel to the spine straight up through the stomach, heart, esophagus and into the brain. It was meant to guarantee death, while leaving the bones completely untouched. So if the corpse was not found before it decomposed... there would be no sign of how the person was killed. None. Well, other than the high levels of poison and acid that would likely eat at the bones, but only a specially trained medic would even know to look for that.

Well, now that that was done... I could finally go back to my favored style: incapacitation. Using Tenshi as a whip, I wrapped her around the target, denying use of both legs and arms. Then with a tug he dropped to the ground, where I pressed a single senbon into a pressure point on his neck.

I really had to start working on combining Tenshi and Kibou. And one day, when I had finally mastered those fuuins on Shin I could combine that as well. But I needed to test those fuuin first... Who did I dislike enough to risk strangling the life out of their very molecules?

Well, I could always figure that out later. Now, I need to focus on that new jutsu. At least I was doing something that I wasn't sucking at... yet.

* * *

#-#

"Hey girl, miss us?" Yun asked the second I opened the front door.

"How could I not?" I smiled, welcoming her and Tenten. We made a beeline for the dojo, where everyone was waiting. Kouji and Daichi were already warming up, Hibari and Choco were... doing something I didn't recognize.

Yun started her own stretches, making sure she was ready for anything. And Tenten, Kami-sama bless her heart, was already unpacking practice weapons to work the girls in. She brought everything she could think of: bokken, gauntlets, shields, specialized kunai, even a wooden yoyo? Well, that was new. Maybe she was checking to see if one of the girls would be good with it for the pair that Kujaku sent along?

Well, I had my own things to worry about. "Alright, Yun I want you to help the boys work on the next kata of their weapons. I'll take the girls. And Ai-chan, I believe you had that new umbrella of yours to work with, right?"

"Yeah, but I am still working on that jutsu with Kibou. I think I'll be working on that instead." I informed her. Sure, I had been working on it since I got home this afternoon... but it still wasn't where I wanted it to be.

"Cool. How much room do you need?" She asked, trying to see how she was going to divide the space between us.

"Not much really. It's not combat ready, I'm just working on hovering the individual pieces." Once Tenten was satisfied with the information she had – from both teasing more information out of me and seeing how clean Yun and the guys were being with their space – she set about working the girls in.

"Oh, by the way, Tou-san needs another shipment of tags when you get a chance. He said he needs twice as much this time." She said, though her eyes were a bit cloudy. Two thousand exploding notes? Yeah, that was ringing alarm bells in my head too.

"You don't think that...?"

"I thought so, but he said it in front of that Cat ANBU that was placing the order. I checked with Hokage-sama as well, she said she's both aware of the order and pleased that you were working so hard to help." Okay... what?

Suddenly... flashes of... memories? I dunno what it was... but I saw... explosions. Lots and lots of explosions. People flying with some weird metallic bird like contraptions strapped to their backs. People were running, dieing. We had no warning when it would happen. Naruto-nii was there, helping everyone he could. And he was... he was saying something... numbers.

Twenty-four... six... twelve... zero... eight... twelve? What did that mean? What...?

Before I forgot a single detail, I dashed upstairs, into the library. I grabbed a scroll and I wrote down everything I could. I didn't want to forget a single detail. 24, 6, 12, 0, 8, 12.

I could feel Inaho and Kohada's worry for how frantic I was moving, but I simply didn't have the time for it! I dashed out the front door, and I was already shunshinning to the Tower to talk with Ka-san directly.

* * *

#-#

Once I had Ka-san to myself – not an easy feat – I started blurting out every detail I remembered. I showed her the paper with the seemingly random numbers and I detailed the exact way I had heard Naruto-nii saying it. I even went so far as to explain every detail of the enemy nin as I could.

I didn't know what it meant. I truthfully didn't understand it. But I knew Ka-san would be able to make some kind of sense of it all.

"Is that everything you remember?" She asked me seriously. I nodded, trying not to puke from my nerves. "Good. Thank you for coming to me immediately about this. It changes everything. I want you to go home, lay down for at least an hour and rest. I don't want you to have another episode like you did last time. And if you have anything even remotely like this, you are to report to me directly. No one is to hear anything about this. And I mean no one. Understood?"

I gazed at her, feeling my heartbeat in my throat. "What is it?" I asked, fearing the worst. "What am I seeing?"

"We'll talk about it tonight, sweetie." She smiled. Then there was a knock at the door. I could swear I heard a slight buzz, just before Ka-san said to enter. "Shizune, perfect timing, I need you-"

I didn't follow any of it. This was too weird. What was going on? "Imouto-chan, come on. I could use your help with something."

Before I knew it I was home, in my room. I was being explained something, but my mind just didn't catch any of it. "Ai, look at me." Jei? When did...?

"Look, Shizune-san is saying that you need some rest. She gave you something to help keep you calm, but it's going to leave you a little disoriented for a while. Do you understand that?" His voice, it sounded like I was hearing him from underwater. I nodded, I think.

"Good. I'll be right here the whole time, okay? I'm not going to leave your side." My head was swimming. I felt like... like... I dunno. Tired. Maybe I just needed some rest...

* * *

#-#

"How's she doing?" I heard Ka-san's voice, laden with worry. There was a shuffling noise and the world seemed to shift slightly.

"Her body's resting, but her mind has been wandering the whole time." Jei answered. His voice seemed even more emotionally charged than Ka-san's. "It wouldn't surprise me if she could hear us right now."

"No, it wouldn't surprise me much either. I don't think I'll ever get used to that." Ka-san blurted out. I'd never heard her... so unguarded before.

"What do you think she dreams about?" What do I dream about? I dunno... new jutsu I could try, going to that new movie that came out.

"Knowing her it could be anything from secret codes we'll need in ten years, to going to the cinema with you." Well, the second part was right at least. Why would I dream up secret codes from the future?

"Why would she...?" My thoughts exactly, Jei.

"I don't know." I could hear her adding she didn't know why she was telling him – though the words never left her tongue. "She's special. Everything about her, every aspect." Jei hmm-ed, I could almost see him nodding and mentally adding 'Tell me something I don't know.'

I wondered about that. What was so special about me? Having daymares about people trying to kill everything that moved? Seeing their insides painting the side of a building, when did that become desirable?

"Why did you have her sedated?" Yeah, why did you?

"The last time she had an episode like this, her heart stopped beating. I wasn't taking any chances." Huh? You mean when I got back from Takumi? Hmm, well I did remember hearing voices, but there was no visual aspect. It was as if my eyes were closed when it happened. As if that made any sense.

"So what's happening then?" They were both silent for a long time. I honestly thought either they left the room, or I simply fell deeper into slumber. "She knows more than anyone her age is even allowed to. Can tell me that my father is the junchuriki of the Hachibi. And is unassuming enough to treat each person as her equal. Are you going to sit there and try not to tell me that she's a gift from the kami themselves?"

"We don't know, Jei." Ka-san... her heart ached. "We don't know what she is, or how she got here."

There was a long pause again. "What do you mean?"

"Literally, she fell out of the sky and landed on Naruto's back. Naruto rushed her to the hospital, but there was nothing the doctors could do, she had already lost too much blood." Ka-san never talked about that day before – no one did. "Naruto offered himself to save her, donating nearly a liter of blood. It should have killed him. And yet, both of them got out of it alive somehow."

"So she isn't really your daughter?"

"She will always be my daughter." Kami-sama, I wanted to hug Ka-san so bad. "Not bearing her for nine months doesn't change that."

"So she woke up from a coma, and just started claiming hearts everywhere she went?" Hey, that's not how it went!

"No. At first she was scared, and bitter. She had so much anger in her heart that she could barely see straight. We both did I guess." Okay, I like his version better. "She's still in the process of coming to term with a lot of things. Still mellowing out. You'd never know it, with that perfect lady persona she shows people."

Jei started laughing. What was so funny? "What's so funny?" Yeah! What she said!

"Ai is many things, Tsunade-sama... but a lady isn't one of them. She's considered herself one of the guys for as long as I've known her. Hell, she could probably kick my ass in a fight." And I'm going to wake up eventually too.

"Yes, she probably could. But would she?" If he got me mad enough, I just might!

"No. She's be too worried about hurting me, and if I'd be mad at her after." Hey, I beat Konohamaru and most of my old classmates without any of that! Humph. "She's probably questioned herself a thousand times about becoming a kunoichi." How did he...?

"Sounds about right." Ka-san agreed. "Did she ever tell you why she still did it then?"

Okay, now we're getting personal! "She refuses to let someone take the burden in her place. She'd rather bite the bullet herself, kill her own dreams and her own heart, than ask someone else to do so in her place." I... I... never... thought anyone would understand that.

"And no, she never told me."

"Not surprising, she never talks about anything that really bothers her." Gee, why don't we see what else we can talk about while I'm not able to defend myself... "She sees it as a weakness."

"No, she sees it as a distraction, which is even worse to her." Jei seemed so sure. How did he get so sure? How did he-

"You seem to know her pretty well." Okay... either I was reading their thoughts, or they're reading mine.

"I graduated the academy in Kumo when I was eight. I had all the time in the world to study her." Sadly, that... explained a lot. I still felt Ka-san's curiosity spike though – she obviously didn't know that. "The thing is... I think... she understands me more than I understand her."

* * *

#-#

"I've got it!" Jeez! Not so loud! "I've figured it out, Tsunade-sama. The reason why she keeps having these episodes. She gets chakra strokes!"

"Thank you, Sakura. But I already knew that." Ka-san replied, shame filling her voice. "What we need is a way to stave it off."

"What's a chakra stroke?" Jei asked. That boy really didn't go anywhere.

"It's a side effect from a spike in her chakra reservoir." A spike in my chakra resevoir? What the hell did that mean?

"And that means?" Thank you, Jei.

"Think of it like a tub of water. Each tub has a known source and drain, so it can be filled and emptied. Normally the 'water' is drained very slowly, or we get dizzy, weak and hundreds of other side effects. And we filled the tub very slowly, so there are almost never side effects from it." Jei hmmed to show he was following her thus far.

"A chakra spike is just what it sounds like. There is a sudden surge in her chakra reservoir, one that is too sudden for her body to cope with. Unless we find out what is causing it, she will continue to have these episodes. And each has the potential to rip any given organ in her body to shreds. And seeing that it seems to be affecting her brain most, specifically her memories, it's a safe assumption to say that she's been having what we call chakra TIAs, which is the precursor to a chakra stroke." Was she being serious? That can't be good... but what was causing this then?

"What about the data you've been collecting on her hara? What is that for?" Jei asked.

"Snooping is a bad habit." Ka-san sounded irked to the highest degree.

"I didn't have to. Now tell me." Jei's voice was cold as ice. But there was fear in his heart. Was he... was he scared he'd lose me?

Ka-san sighed. "I had a theory that maybe her soul hadn't fully been injected into her body. Seeing that the soul is considered to be pure chakra, it is possible that she's been tugging more and more into her hara. Which could theoretically cause the spikes. But the problem is that there's a dip after each spike, so as hard as she pulls, something is pulling her back." The voices... the voices had something to do with this. I just knew it!

"So she has one foot in two realms of existence?" Jei asked. Huh?

"I suspect that her soul feels she has unfinished business elsewhere. And no one can solve that but her."

"So what can I _do_?" Jei... his heart... I could have been wrong, but I could swear I just felt his heart breaking.

"You can only do what I've been trying to do... show her how much you need her. And pray that our need is greater than whatever is out there." Ka-san. Kami-sama, her heart...Their grief alone could've crippled me.

"Can I have a moment with her? Alone?" Jei asked.

"Don't do anything drastic." Footsteps were retreating. Two pairs. I tried to sense who was still there, but I couldn't. All I knew was that Jei was there.

"Ai, I know you can hear me." Gee, you think? "And I know you understand what's going on." You're two for two.

"I don't know if you know what the problem is, but I'll make you a deal." There was ruffling somewhere nearby, and suddenly I felt Jei breathing on my neck. Kami-sama that felt good.

"Your Ka-san says that you can solve this problem yourself. All I need to do is to show you how much I need you. So I'll make you a deal... either you stay here with me, or you take me with you." He couldn't be serious, could he?

"I know I'll never find another girl that can make me feel the way you do. There won't be another girl that will know everything about me and still like me. Hell, I don't think my mom would ever let another girl in her house anyway." He was whispering in my ear, smoothing my hair and cheek the whole time.

"No one else would drag me to a horror movie. No one else would torment someone that tries to make me feel small." That guy did scream like a girl, just like I promised. "No one, Ai. It has to be you."

"So choose where you want to be, Ai. So long as you know... I'm coming along."

"_Daddy... Daddy, please. I know you can hear me."_ There it was again. That voice. _"Daddy, if you don't open your eyes soon, Momma's gonna pull the plug. __**Please**__, Daddy!"_

"So tell me, Ai. Where are we gonna be?"

"_Please, just give me five minutes! I have one more thing I need to try!"_

"Where are we going?"

* * *

#-#

Light. Bright light. It was hurting my eyes, even though they were tighly shut. I tried swatting at the light, but I simply didn't have the strength. "Daddy?" Who was that? Why was someone calling me that?

"Hold on, is that better?" The light became less intense, but I was still seeing... I dunno, something. Like an afterimage because it was so... bright! "Daddy? Did it work?"

"Koko wa... doko?" I asked, wondering where the hell I found myself this time. Where was Jei? He said he wouldn't leave my side!

"Daddy? It's me." A pair of hands cupped my cheeks, trying to rub some warmth back into me.

"Anata... dare?" Why was she talking so funny? And why did she look so familiar?

"How are you feeling? Are you dizzy? Disoriented?"

No, I'm fine thanks. "Heiki heiki." How could I even understand what she was saying? Was this girl my unfinished business? "Anata... dare?" I asked her again. Who was she?

"Yo, baby D! He's awake! Haul ass!" She shouted at the door. Footsteps thundered down the hall, two pairs if I guessed right. Who was this girl? She had caramel skin, but long, black, curly hair. And I mean like micro curls or something.

Two men entered the room. One looking exactly like her, the other had almost black skin. Both sported short, almost bald hairstyles. "You, uncle Aid. Wassup, baby?!" The darker one asked.

"Yo, Jay, ease up. The man's been out cold for-"

"I know how long he's been out for! We're the ones been keeping his ass alive, remember!"

"I know you dickheads aren't arguing after I finally got him out of that coma!" The girl shouted. They were so loud. So abrasive. This was what kept me here? I didn't get it.

"Anata wa... hito wa daredesu ka?" Who were these people?

"When did Unc learn Japanese?" The dark one asked. "Yo, uncle Aid. You've been in a coma for over twenty years, man! Aunty was just going to pull the plug on you!"

"Nani o itte iru?"

"I'm saying you're daughter just saved your life, unc! Yo, seriously! You sure you ain't short circuit his ass again or something? I could swear Janine said he was brain dead after yo last attempt."

"Look, no one's anywhere near his level okay! And seeing as yo dumb ass ain't even get this far, I suggest you ease off her case, Jay!"

"Hey! I stabilized his ass every time twinkle toes over there tried something new and flatlined him! So fuck both a yuz!"

"Will you two shut up! You'll give him another heart attack!" Okay... what? "Yes, okay, I've been trying everything I can think of. Yes, it's backfired a lot. But he's awake! He's finally back!"

"And I'm telling you that his soul moved on! Look, he probably already reincarnated and is wondering who the fuck these weird ass jiggas be and why we fussing over him any fucking ways!" Reincarnated? So these three are relatives? Of my past life? And they can't stop fighting even with me like this? Wonderful.

"Look at the facts, girl. I know you want to still be daddy's little princess, but you gotta see what's right in front of you! Yo daddy ain't never learned more than 'Hey, how you doing?' in Japanese, and now he can't speak a single fucking word of English! He's moved on!"

"As much as I hate to agree with him, sis. He's right. It's time to let him move on." Let me? A little high and mighty there, aren't we? I could have stopped my heart ten minutes ago. "Send him back."

"I can't..."

I sighed, heavily. "Chi wa chi dake."

"What does that mean?"

"Blood is only blood. It's a proverb meaning that family can be helpful, but not always reliable. He's saying that I'm right, and that you need to let him go."

"I can't!" Okay. This has been fun, but beyond pointless.

"Au nowa wakari no hajimari." I quoted. Buddist proverb.

"To meet is the beginning of parting. He's saying goodbye." Thank you, genius. I raised my hands to chest level – a lot harder than it should have been! And I made the Tiger seal. This was a **very** forbidden jutsu Shizune-nee-san taught me – by accident really. She had given me the wrong scroll at the time. If these people were so fixated on keeping me where I didn't belong, then I'd simply remove that power from their hands.

"Hiden Ougi – Zouji hasaiki." Hidden mystery – Organ shredder. It did just that, ripped my heart and lungs apart. Chance of survival: zero.

"Did he just do a jutsu? Holy shit! My man got SI-ed into an anime! I wonder which one?"

"Jay, you high?"

"Nah, man. But thanks for offering. He's flatlining, by the way."

* * *

#-#

PEEP... PEEP... PEEP... PEEP...

Why did that sound irk me so much? Wait a minute! If I'm on an ECG, then... Jei! I stirred almost immediately, I struggled to force myself awake.

PEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Yes, that got someone's attention there! My eyes flew open, I was already looking around,wondering where the hell Jei was. "Jei!"

"Ai-chan, calm down. You'll put more stress on yourself than you can handle!" Shizune? No, where was Jei?

"Where is he? Where's Jei?" I was almost frantic! If I took too much time... if I didn't get here to...

"Tsunade-sama is taking him for a walk to calm him down. He's been in here every tick of the clock waiting for you to come back." She sat down next to me, smiling. "I take it, the problem has been resolved?"

"Yeah." Was all I said, and it was all I was going to say until I saw him. I needed to see him, to know he was alright!

"I already sent word, they'll be here-"

Without warning, the door smashed into the wall, in pieces, with a blond flash heading right for me. "Baby, are you okay?" Ka-san almost bowled Nee-san over trying to get to myself that much quicker. I didn't bother stifling a giggle.

"I'm fine, Ka-san. I'm doing just fine. Did I worry you too much?" I smiled, hoping to ease the aches I felt in her heart.

"WAY TOO MUCH!" She scooped me up, hugging me to her. "i thought i lost you..."

I hugged her back as tight as I could. "I'm not going anywhere, Ka-san. I promise." I shouldn't have said that! Both Ka-san and Nee-san were scanning me before I had the chance to roll my eyes.

"It's... gone! The abnormality's gone!" Shizune seemed very excited about that. I didn't really understand it, but I at least could appreciate her reaction.

"..." I felt him long before I saw him. There. Standing in the doorway, minding neither the splinters that used to be a door, nor other two occupants in the room. And he was fine. He was alive. "Hey."

"hey." He spoke in such a small voice, as if he wasn't sure what he was seeing was real. He walked over to me, sat down beside Ka-san (who still refused to let me out of her grasp). And he just gazed at me.

I placed a hand on his cheek, rubbing it gently. I dunno why I did it, really. I just wanted to touch him, to feel that he was alright. "How long was I out?"

A tear stole onto his cheek. "Too long."

"Less than an hour, sweetie. We hooked you up to these contraptions mostly to convince Jei you weren't giving up that easily." Ka-san poked fun at him. I looked around, only to notice – finally – that we were in my room. They didn't even take me to the hospital? Well, no point. The best medics in the world lived right here in this house.

"Like I said... too long." Jei placed his hand over mine. I knew, then and there, that we would be alright.

WRRRRRRRRRRR! Jeez! Everyone started laughing at me. "We'd better feed her, before that alligator eats her alive!" Nee-san just had to go there...

"Mou!" I sulked, wondering why everyone found it so amusing that I was hungry. I guessed some things would never change. And no matter what... I knew I'd always have people waiting at home for me... people that love me.

* * *

#-#

"Mou! I can feed myself you know!" I complained, but once again it fell on deaf ears. Choco and Hibari were practically falling over themselves to help me with everything. Inaho hasn't stopped bringing in more food for me to eat. And I'm pretty sure I'd be getting bedsores if Ka-san didn't put me down soon!

"Not tonight you can't." Choco teased, offering me another mouthful saying 'Ahh!'. I rolled my eyes, but hunger opened my mouth for me. "See, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

I just glared at her. "Ahh!" Hibari had a larger than average chunk of eggplant waiting for me. Could I finish one mouthful first? "Ai-chan shouldn't play favorites."

I rolled my eyes. Those two wouldn't be satisfied until I had eaten us all out of house and home! And seeing that Ka-san could simply order people to donate food to us... well, that wasn't happening any time soon...

"Hey, you two shouldn't fight. Besides, I want to feed her too!" Nee-san, not helping!

They kept at it like that for far longer than I felt comfortable with. I had eaten so much I thought I was going to be sick! "Jei, help!" I pleaded.

"Sure, I can take a turn to feed you if you want." I cursed up a storm! What sick bastard would send me to these farmers that were just trying to fatten me up?!

Just you wait! I was going to get Naruto-nii and we were going to prank them all to Kingdom Come! If I got so much as **one** pimple from this, they'd get it twice as bad!

* * *

#-#

"Oh no you don't! I am not staying cooped up in this house another minute for you people to fatten me up some more!" I complained. I already had my training uniform on and I was two steps from the front door. "Sensei and I have work to do, and I still have a class to give this afternoon!"

I'd say anything to get away from another force fed meal!

"Not without Kosuke-san you don't." Inaho warned. She was at least being (semi-) realistic.

"No can do. Sensei is picking me up, and Choco and Hibari need to train today as well. I'll need them to help me give that class later." The second a light tap hit the front door, I was outta there! "Sensei, don't ask. Just run!"

To say I was happy to sit down in one spot and meditate for four hours, would be grossly understated! I wasn't being fed. I wasn't being pestered about resting. I wasn't being coddled! Sensei was many things, but he did not coddle!

"Doton is not your secondary." He eventually said. Well, it wasn't that surprising. I was just glad that I didn't have to convince him about that. "The second most common secondary element in the Senju Clan is Raiton. We will start with that tomorrow. It might be wise, however, to ask if you have any suspicions as to what your secondary element might be."

I thought about that. Sure, there were preferences, but I didn't think that was what he meant. Hmm, did I feel any level of attraction towards any element other than water?

…

…

…

Drawing a blank here. "No clue. Sorry, sensei."

"No need for that. It was a long shot, but better than nothing. We're actually saving time from Hokage-sama's suggestion to use your sensory ability to detect your strongest non primary element." He explained, almost like he expected that to make any sense.

"Huh?"

"For sensory types like you, the primary and secondary elements are used for sensing everything around you. You can therefore 'see' through the elements. So we are going to see which of the remaining three elements allow you to 'see' things." He explained.

"Well, that actually makes sense now. So if we didn't have this option, we'd basically be training every element until I knew which one I was more efficient with?" I asked.

"No. We would just train you in the elements of the Senju clan. Which are Suiton, Doton and Raiton. There have been almost no exceptions to this in your clan's history." Good enough. "Now, I want to do something different. I want to go hunting with you, give you a chance to actually use your skills in combat. So tomorrow afternoon, after your class... Team 7 is going on its first bounty hunting mission. We shouldn't be gone more than a day."

"But-"

"It's a dead or alive bounty. We aim to capture, but we still get paid if dead." He explained seriously. I kinda... well I kinda just stared at him for a long moment. The point in time was coming, the one I had feared. We were going to start hunting down people.

Fine we weren't _aiming_ to kill him... but did that change it? No one would be saddened or disappointed if we killed the target. To mess up in the most extreme, the most irreversible way... and to still get paid for doing it. Even applauded.

A life. A human life. Tagged, priced and sent to the butcher. And even if I brought this person back, what would happen? What would be done to him? Would the weight of his crimes justify the punishment? Who knew. And who could even prove if this person did the crimes in the first place! I wasn't there, I saw no crime, I witnessed no injustice!

Oh, who was I kidding! No one would listen to my words... no one would care. The only fair chance this person had was to be captured alive and brought back for questioning. But bringing back even this simplest of targets would take...

Shin! I could start training with Shin! Yes, there were risks. But those risks were present either way. I mean, there was more chance of the target hurting someone on my team if they were unrestrained! I was NOT risking my team for that! This type of mission was not meant to be avoided either, so it was an all or nothing situation...

The second my resolve settled, and I felt that energy of having a plan... sensei smirked. "You were planning it just that way." I said, neither waiting for nor needing his confirmation.

* * *

#-#

Class was... boring. I taught a much larger (mixed) group, who were all half decent for the expectations I had. Other than that, well... boring. Once class let out, we brought the girls home with Kosuke, grabbed our gear and the guys and I were heading towards the gate. It was Friday, and our next class was Monday afternoon, so that gave us two full days to track down this person and bring them back to Konoha.

"Who are we hunting and why?" I asked the second we left the main gate. Sensei shrugged, saying he'd explain after we made camp. I didn't like his evasiveness, but there was little I could do about it. So I just sucked it up and we trudged on ahead.

Sensei came up with a brand new way to travel, called stealth shunshinning! Yeah. Came up with it. Sure.

Basically it worked the same way as the regular shunshin, only you had to focus on landing and taking off in absolute silence and you had to suppress your chakra signature. Sounded simple, until we tried it.

You see, suppressing one's chakra signature is on or about the same thing as locking away all one's chakra. So it's kinda hard to cast jutsu, while not having any chakra available to do so. So, I had to compress all my chakra the instant I shunshinned. Then decompress it the instant I had to shunshin again.

This was **not** something the average genin had to learn. And sensei's insistence that we practiced while we were moving made things that much harder! Not like we could really do a whole lot about that.

Once we made it to the outskirts of some vague town that sensei said harbored our target, we made camp – five kilometers away, of course. We each pitched our own tent, I handed out dinner – don't ask what we were having, Ai. And after that came our first pre-mission meeting.

"Alright, our target is a girl named Tami. She has no family to speak of, no one associates with her and no one will miss her. She is one meter six centimeters, red hair, pink eyes. No discernible scars, markings or traits. She's wanted for disturbing the peace, theft of merchandise and threatening at least six persons lives." Sensei explained.

"Should we capture her alive, we are to return to Konoha with her where she will be detained and tried for her crimes. Should we end her life, we dispose of the body bring back only the head for identification." Thanks, I needed the visual.

"She will not be hard to spot. She sticks to the shadows and wears tattered rags."

"We're hunting down a vagrant orphan." I tried not to sound disgusted. I really did.

"It's training. If we can prove we can handle little jobs like this, we can move up in the world. Besides, evenly divided the bounty would be equal to C-ranked pay for the day. It's easy money." Sensei played it off as standard work stuff – he disgusted me.

"Ai, you take first shift."

* * *

#-#

This mission stank through and through, I hated it. I wasn't going to blow it on principles though! No, then this poor girl would simply be hunted down by another team that would be much more ruthless. No, I was bringing this girl back to Konoha in one piece.

At first light sensei sent me out solo for recon, with instruction to report back in by noon regardless of the news.

I made it to the edge of the town in under ten minutes, silently scaled the outer wall and started searching for the target. The most logic place to start searching was near the warehouses to the East. It was quiet at night and there was enough foliage to ensure perfect cover.

Once I got there, I noticed two things. One, there were a lot of street urchins. And, much more noticeably, none of them got along very well. For a town with fewer than a thousand denizens, you might expect maybe... a couple dozen homeless. It wasn't that uncommon, but most would have found steady employment and settled down before long.

Here... there were hundreds of homeless kids walking around. Some were huddled together, but most were fighting over what little they had. Fighting at dawn? Over food I wouldn't offer a stray dog? What the hell was going on?

Focus Ai! There was little need for too much clothing, with it being the Land of Fire and towards the end of the summer. Still, there was no way to discern between who was wearing what. There was little difference between the genders, ages, or social standings among these misfits. Everything and everyone was layered in so much dirt and grime that someone with Jei's complexion and mine would look like twins!

All I had to go by was female with pink eyes. It's all that was left! Luckily pink eyes weren't that common. And judging from the chakra signatures, girls were in the minority here. I didn't understand why, but I knew it to be the case. The gender ratio was something like fifteen boys to two girls.

Okay, so isolate the female signatures. The girls were all huddled up in a tree about a hundred meters that way. All the vagrants on the ground were boys! A quick head count gave me... eighty-five boys. Estimating them to range anywhere between babies and twelve years of age.

No one above that age was here. And there was no possibility that I was tricked by filth, because I was basing it on their signatures! These were all boys, my age or younger.

Something was going on here. But regardless, I headed to the tree I needed, climbed it and started filtering through what little information there was to gather. It was a dilapidated tree house that smelled of sweat and feces. There was a ladder, which would have been the only non shinobi means to get up there, rolled up near a trap door (which was latched shut).

Head count gave me... ten girls. There was no food. Anywhere. No drinkable water. The closest thing to a toilet was a hole that probably leaked everything down into the roots. Ages ranged from... ten to... six? Kinda unevenly spread here.

They were all sleep, other than one – the eldest. She was hunched up nearest the door, hovering between asleep and awake. Her eyes were fluttering, but I saw distinctly that her eyes were gray; she wasn't the target.

"Nee-san, go to sleep. I'll take over." Another girl said, getting up and making her way over the the one I was just watching. She had just woken up, and her chakra showed she was still half asleep.

They exchanged some words I couldn't make out, and traded places. Their stomachs were growling – they probably hadn't seen a warm meal in a while. Even the ones that were sleeping, their stomachs were wide awake.

My heart sank.

Things settled into a steady rhythm after that. The girls each took a turn to 'stand' watch, but none of them had the energy to do anything if something was to happen. They were all skinny – too skinny. One hour shifts, then they switched off. Most had brown eyes, the younger ones had blue. There was the one with gray – the eldest. And...

Pink eyes. Target acquired. And there was still an hour before noon. I retraced my steps, not even really having to try to go unnoticed. This was... sad.

* * *

#-#

"They wouldn't be able to fight back. They're undernourished and lethargic. One girl standing watch for an hour, still half asleep and no one was up and about for no reason. No one was talking. It was a ghost town." I explained the situation to sensei, who seemed pleased with the report. Luckily I knew him well enough to know he was pleased with the level of detail, not the situation – it saved his nuts.

"We move in immediately. Ai, you will make contact while we stick to the shadows – they're more likely to talk to a girl, given what you've told me. Find out everything you can." Camp was already struck, so we each grabbed our gear – ready to move out immediately if the situation called for it. I didn't like this – it smelled fishy.

Still, there was a mission to accomplish. Though my mission was already deviating from the one (I believe) sensei envisioned. We made our way back to the exact tree – it was easier now, since most of the boys had wandered into town – either to beg or to steal, if my guess was right. I kept a constant watch on the guy's positions relative to my own.

Once I climbed into the tree, I did something different. I took out a rations bar and started loudly chewing on it. The girl on watch had her world centered on that sound, until she found me over in one corner eating.

"Can I have a bite?" She asked – one of the younger ones. I shrugged, tossing her a rations bar. She got all excited, ran into the tree house and hushed whispers were abound in seconds. The general consensus was to be careful, but ask for more food.

In under a minute, the gray eyes one came outside. She was chewing, but clearly wanted more. Did they split the one bar between the ten of them?

"Who are you?" She was the leader of the bunch – the protective one.

"You don't care, but my name's Ai." I told her bluntly. She shrugged, at least partly agreeing with me – she didn't care, she just wanted food. "I've got more to offer, and water. But I need something."

"Like what?" She eyed me carefully – head to toe. She could already tell I was a girl, so she wasn't as worried as she might have been. But I noticed her eyes lingering on my forehead protector a bit longer than a casual glance.

"Why are you girls up here starving yourselves? There are more than enough fruit baring trees to survive off of." I pointed at a mango tree not even a stone's throw away – ignoring that it was without fruit.

She shook her head, chasing away the ghosts that haunted her. "You don't care, but I'll tell you anyway. We came from a village in the Rice Patty Country..." The words were rolling off her tongue in an eloquent manner – she used to be a noble. She spoke of her ghosts. How shinobi attacked for no reason and killed anyone that resisted. There was no plundering, no kidnapping, no sense of fighting back. Only mindless slaughter in her mind.

Eventually the tale wound down to them traveling together to reach this place – it was far enough into the borders to no longer have to worry about Oto nin. She didn't actually call them that, but the musical note she described gave them away.

"So you know my tale. What would you do with it?" She asked me curiously.

"I'm unsure. I am half tempted to drag all ten of you back to Konoha with me. It clearly isn't safe here." I told her. Another girl stuck her head out the door – the pink eyed one. "I'll be honest though, I came here for that one." I pointed at her.

It wasn't the wisest choice to be honest, but I didn't want anything to bite me in the end. "She is to stand trial in Konoha for reasons I don't understand or agree with, but I assure you I will ensure her trial is fair."

The gray eyed one nodded seriously. "Another dead or alive bounty. At least you are honest enough to state your purpose." I scored some points with that, thank Kami-sama.

"If you were forced to leave here, how many would you need to take with you?" I asked her. She seemed the levelheaded type, so I needed to know who was important to her.

"Three of them. The others would refuse to leave their brothers or friends that are out there trying to find us some food." Yeah... I figured as much.

"The pink eyed one is one of them I take it?" She nodded, her eyes fluttering once again – she was falling asleep. This whole situation was fishy. Something was off. Really, really off. I scanned all their chakras, but I sensed nothing off other than a malnutrition and fatigue.

Why were they so trusting? "Very well, we leave immediately. Call the ones you need to travel with, and give these to those who will be staying behind." I handed her two dozen rations bars and six bottles of water – it would last them a day, maybe two if they were careful with it.

I was actually surprised that she did just that. The two youngest ones, the pink eyed one and the gray eyed leader were ready to go immediately. That made no sense.

Still, best not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I was going to keep a close eye on all of them. This reeked of bad news waiting to happen.

* * *

#-#

I took the youngest one on my back, Daichi took the gray eyed one, Kouji took the pink eyed one and sensei took the final two. They were told to keep quiet at all times, but that we would defend them with our lives. They were very at peace with it all. There was no fussing, no arguing, no reminding them of anything. They ate when we ate. They went to the bathroom when we did. None complained about the rations bars, the bad tasting water. Nothing.

I was quickly building up a profile on each, but I kept my findings to myself. We were back in Konoha in half a day, entering the main gate at nearly midnight. Sensei explained the situation to the guards and after we showed our ID we were allowed to enter.

"Ai, we are taking them straight to Hokage-sama. She'll meet us in her office."

* * *

#-#

All four girls were placed in a single holding cell, so I told Kouji and Daichi to stand guard – inside with the girls. I wasn't taking chances with these four, not if they were who I thought they were.

"Ai, report." Ka-san was deathly serious. If she was called out of her bed at this time of the night by me and my team, then she knew this was worth her direct attention without delay.

"I believe we have a problem brewing. Three of the girls were almost certainly being trained to be kunoichi. I think the eldest is the previous daimyo of Rice Patty Country's daughter and the pink eyed one bares all the traits of an Uzumaki. Her chakra even reminds me of Nii-san. The last two are likely sisters." I went on to say that I suspected that the younger three were retainers' daughters, and I explained the details of the clusters of boys surrounding the one treehouse.

"So what are we looking at? A shinobi academy in Rice Patty was attacked, and only the students and one noble got out alive?" Ka-san asked. I nodded, suspecting that things were quickly taking a turn for the worst. It was also possible that the daimyo's castle itself was overthrown and these were the ragtag survivors – which I told her just in case.

"Very well, we'll give the girls a place to stay for tonight. Hayama, your team will continue to keep an eye on these four girls. In the morning Ai will take them to the sentou and will provide them will clothing, then all four will be taken down to Inoichi for proper identification. I will send out an ANBU team immediately to investigate the remaining children and we will see where we go from there." She eyed the two of us, wondering if there was more. There wasn't.

We were dismissed with Ka-san tossing me the keys to a house in the Senju District, and we went to collect our guests. Of course, now we were meant to act as their guards for the night, so our mission wasn't done.

I wished fervently that I would be allowed to go to sleep, because I was tired. "You need to work on your awareness." Sensei pointed out. Helpful, wasn't he.

"What did I miss then?" I asked, not very interested.

"The fact that Jei's been walking right behind you for the last two minutes." I stopped, turned and... look it, Jei was waving at me. I waved back, unsure why he was even still awake.

"Cat-san woke me and the team up. Apparently we're your back up."

"oh good." that was all the reason I needed. I fell asleep.

* * *

#-#

"Sure, she's not perfect, but she's dedicated and determined. So I would advise you not say another word about her." I hear Kouji saying. Great, that meant that I was still sleeping, and people were talking around me.

"Ryoushu-hime may say whatever she wants, to whoever she wants, whenever she wants." An unfamiliar voice retorted. I think it was one of the younger girls we were guarding.

"We do not doubt her lack of restraint. We are merely saying that seeing that we saved your lives, gave you a roof over your heads and placed food on the table. The very least you could do is not insult the daughter of our Hokage. Is that really too much to ask?" That was Matte-chan's work.

"How could she be that old hag's daughter?!" I dunno who said that, and it's best I didn't know. I stirred, refusing to let this go on.

I opened my eyes, taking in the scene I found myself in. We were all in the sitting room of a house I didn't recognize. Flanking me was Hibari and Choco, who were then flanked by Kouji and Daich. Kosuke-san was in front of me, acting as a human barrier between me and the Rice Patty contingent. Did I miss something?

"Good morning everyone. How did you guys sleep?" I asked. Then tension in the room doubled in the moments between me opening my eyes and asking that question.

"I have been unable to sleep at all! How can you expect a princess to sleep on a futon surrounded by boys!?" The eldest one asked – gray eyes. She and her group had finally cleaned up, and were wearing kimonos from my closet. I smiled at the irony of it al.

"I'm sorry, perhaps we haven't been introduced. My name is Senju Ai, heir of the Senju clan and daughter of Konoha's Godaime Hokage. We own the district you currently find yourselves in, the house you're in and I personally own the kimonos your wearing. I'm almost certain you know that Ka-san is paying for two teams to guard you, out of the Senju coffers. And I can presume that the food you've been eating is on our tab as well. And yet..." I hated having to talk like this – it was not only disrespectful, it gave people the wrong impression of me. Still, there was no way I was ever going to let this pretentious, ungrateful-

"Ai-chan, let her be. We just need to complete the mission and we never have to see her again." Kouji opined. Daichi just nodded, an almost solemn look on his face.

"You _claim_ to be so important and yet your _servants_ are permitted to speak so commonly with you?" I was seconds away from ripping her head off and spitting down her throat. If Daichi hadn't stepped between us – his back to me, to show that he'd be on my side if something went down – I probably would have. But as it was, I could only bathe her in killing intent and speak through clenched teeth.

"These. Are. My. Friends." Choco and Hibari hugged me, trying to help me calm down. I didn't even know I was crying from frustration, until one of them (Kami-sama only knew which one) wiped away my tears.

"Look, this is getting nowhere. We are stuck together until at least tomorrow, so I suggest everyone settle in." Jei played peacekeeper. "Me and Ame are going to look for those fancy dividers to give _Kami-sama's daughter_ the privacy she deserves. Matsuri, can you keep things smooth till we get back?"

"I'd guess you have less than twenty minutes." She replied.

Once things settled down – not the simplest task in the world – Team 7 took the first watch. I was actually amazed that the senseis didn't interrupt during the altercation, but I guessed they wanted to see how we were going to handle it on our own.

Oh well. Another day, another Ryou. Right?

* * *

#-#

I looked around, took in the scene I found myself in. To my right, Choco lay snoring (lightly, but that just made it even more cute). To her right, Kouji was snoring like a bear. To my left, Hibari slept soundlessly. To her left, Daichi snored – harder than Choco, but much softer than Kouji. Over in one corner, Hayama-sensei sat with his sword in his arms. His chakra showed he was either sleeping, or deep in meditation.

Tekuno-sensei was sitting near the door, a crossbow in his grasp. He was obviously the type to take nothing for granted, and was ready for a couple hundred shinobi to break through that door any second. Ame was playing cards with Matsuri in the corner opposite Hayama-sensei – and she was winning, as usual.

Jei on the other hand... he was squatting a meter from me, back facing me. He was thinking. And from the agitation I sensed from him, they weren't happy thoughts. I wished for the umpteenth time I could read him as well as he red me.

"Trouble sleeping?" Jei asked, not moving an inch. I knew he was talking to me though.

I looked toward the fancy dividers he and Ame got out the attic, wondering if our... guests... were already sleeping. I didn't care enough to scan them though. "What are you thinking about?"

He was quiet for a long time, seemingly thinking again – whether about my question or his previous thoughts was beyond me. I got out of my futon, making my way toward him. Squatting behind him, I leaned against his back, letting my head rest between his shoulder blades and my arms wrap around him. Yes, he was that much taller than me.

"You two couldn't be any more different." He said eventually. Who, me and princess prim-puss over there? "Both of you have everything you could possibly want handed to you. Both of you are surrounded by people willing to give their lives to protect you. And yet, you two are like night and day."

I shrugged. It wasn't something I spent a lot of time thinking about. "Anyway, a little birdie told me that there's a new horror movie coming out on Tuesday. You wouldn't happen to know someone that'd be willing to take me, would you?"

"You mean that vampire hunter movie?" He asked, tension sloughing off. I nodded. "Cool, but we're making it a group night. I'll talk to Kouji and Daichi when they wake up."

"You don't wanna invite Matsuri and Ame?"

"Nah. If it's a couples thing they'll just get bored. What about Konohamaru and Hanabi though?"

"That'd be cool. Think Udon and Moegi would be interested?"

"They're a couple?"

"I dunno, but it's possible. We should at least ask."

"If you say so." Jei was rolling his eyes, I could feel it.

"And we should still give an invite you your team. I know Matsuri would love to have a reason to talk to a certain someone." I heard Matte-chan groaning at that. "And I'm sure Ame could find himself a date if he tried."

"Finding a date to go out with a bunch of established couples is not a good idea." Jei had a point. Wait, wha-

"Well, it's a good thing I already have a girlfriend then." Ame put in his two cents. Yeah, right. If he had a girlfriend, then I was the daimyo of the Land of Earth. "I'm in."

I simply ignored his claims – he'd have to show, not tell. "Matsuri?" I asked.

"I'll ask." Was all she said. Nervousness was coloring her chakra, so there were no promises being made. The look in her eyes... was... despondent. Maybe inviting his team hadn't been such a great idea?

And weren't we supposed to be annoying a princess? Hmm.

* * *

#-#

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'LL HAVE YOU EXECUTED!"

After stepping out of the sentou, I was officially to the point of strangling the tramp. She had pointedly refused to bath with others around. Insulted the staff. Degraded the establishment. Spat on Choco. Broke Hibari's toe. Attempted to slap me. Called more people harlot, servant girl and rabble than I could shake a stick at. AND she _dared_ call my best kimono **worthless**!

Which was why I found myself dragging her through the streets by her collar (technically mine, but that's another story). She was throwing a tantrum like a two year old, swearing like a drunken sailor the whole way. I couldn't care less. I sent Choco and Hinari to the hospital to get looked at – Choco might get an infection from that devil's spit.

I felt Kosuke-san and the guys following closely behind me – all of them highly amused. And I was more than certain that every passerby was interested in who managed to break through my patience to turn me into a raving lunatic – I was a saint, so long as no unwanted solicitors were nearby! Everyone knew, **had** to know, that if things went this far then it wasn't my fault!

Interestingly enough, the three girls that came with her... none of them were even fazed by the scene. Like this was all perfectly expected. That puzzled me. But I didn't pay it much mind; I was too busy dragging my troubles behind me. Everything she said/threatened/insinuated, I ignored.

"When Cat told me to expect you, I didn't imagine this." Ka-san joked when I entered her office. I offered her little more than a dull glare, before I started explaining the situation – holding nothing back. I'd rather be grounded for life, abdicated as heir and sent to work in a restaurant than have to put up with that... thing!

"At which point she stepped on Hibari's foot with her geta still on. I suspect a broken third metatarsal in her right foot." It was a sad, sad report to give. Sure, we could have handled things differently, but frankly we weren't expecting Shinigami-sama's daughter to make an appearance!

Halfway through my... explanation (rant)... I noticed two things. One, Ka-san was trying not to laugh. Two, Sakura and Sasuke were looking at me kinda funny – who were also dressed to the nines. And why did I suddenly feel like I was intruding?

"I'm sure you're wondering what you barged in on. Perhaps you'd like the honor of being the first to congratulate Sasuke and Sakura on getting married?"

**End Chapter 15**

#-#

* * *

**_A/N: And so we have chapter 15! This marks the end of one era in Ai's life, and the beginning of a new one. I wonder what that will mean. How Ai cope when she finally has a second to reboot?_**

**_Well, apart from that there is still one more chapter separating us from our beloved blond knucklehead. The next chapter will be more about Choco and Hibari._**

**_On a side note, those who subscribed to me as an author (look Ma, I'm published!), there will be a new story coming out soon. Starlight! Yes, for those of you that remember (you precious few) it's a story based on Escape Velocity Nova, but was scrapped like a year ago. Don't ask me why I'm rewriting it. I don't know. Interestingly enough my writing style improves with each story I come out with. Another thing I don't understand. But the point is, that these upgrades tend to help my other stories too. Those who are following A Promise Worth Keeping will see what I mean. And yes, for those who are paying attention, all my main characters are female (which is half true for APWK). Don't ask... I don't know. _**

**_I don't seem to have a lot of answers right now for some reason. Like why this chapter was so late. Dunno. I am sorry for the tardiness, but I'll be honest enough to say that I expected worse. Life is busy right now. Between work, school, wife (driving me crazy) and kids (driving me even more crazy)... well, let's just say that I'm glad I haven't gone on hiatus. Oh well! Enjoy the chapter! And be warned that the next chapter will be different. Less detail on what is being said and more detail on what is being done and seen - one of the biggest differences with what I'm working on right now. Yes, I'm a work in progress. Sorry about that (not really :P)_**


	16. Choco and Hibari

**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**

**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**

**_Just as a heads up, there is a poll on my profile page. More info in the author's note at the end of the chapter. Two votes possible, so the ONE with the top score wins._**

#-#

* * *

I just sat there, staring out at the clouds, and let my mind wander wherever it pleased – I was in no rush to do anything for once. For some reason, the only thing my mind seemed to enjoy rehashing was that glow surrounding Sakura when I congratulated her on her marriage to Sasuke. It wasn't an I'm-so-happy-right-now glow, or even an it's-finally-happening glow… no…

No, her glow reminded me of aunty Itsuko just after giving birth to Sango-chan. When aunty took her new daughter into her arms for the first time, when they're eyes met. When aunty could say for certain that all the pain and suffering she'd gone through was worth every second of it. That was the glow Sakura had about her.

For the first time in my life, I wondered about my wedding day. What would I feel? Would I cry? Would Jei? Ka-san would be in tears for sure. She'd try to hide it, but she'd be the one to break whatever dam I'd built up to not cry. Would Hanabi and Konohamaru be there? And Naruto and Hinata? Where will we get married? Hopefully not in Kumo, I couldn't imagine Hinata-nee-san willingly going there. Let alone Neji! Would Neji be there anyway? Shizune-nee-san would want to do my makeup, that much I knew. Everyone would want me to wear some overly stylish hairstyle, wouldn't they?

But what about Jei? Would he like how I was dressed? He somehow seemed more the minimalist to me. He'd probably spend most of the time leading up to the wedding arguing with aunty about (not) wearing his uniform. I'd probably help her too! If there were anything I'd want from him that day… it'd be to wear an elegant kimono.

Would Saru-ji-chan still be around? Kami-sama I hope so! I'd already lost one of my Ji-chans… I doubted my heart could bear losing the other.

"What are you thinking about?" Hibari asked. She'd kept her voice pretty low, but it wasn't like anyone other than Choco and myself could hear her anyway – the advantages of being alone in the sentou.

"About Jei. Duh!" Choco just had to go there.

"Actually, I wasn't." I said, not looking down from the heavens. The sun would be setting soon, so I wanted to enjoy every single ray of light and color that would be shown.

"Then she's thinking about her wedding day. I can always tell when she's thinking about something to do with Jei." Choco just wouldn't give up. I didn't react to her taunts, not for any special reason though. It was more like… it didn't bother me that she knew.

"We'll be heading home soon. Right after the sun is set."

"Wow, she isn't denying it." Hibari seemed either impressed that Choco was right, or intrigued with how I reacted. Maybe both. It was fine, so long as I could enjoy this moment just a little longer.

"It's gonna be weird not having Jei around for a while." Hibari said, clearly fishing for something. True, Jei had just left to dump _Kami-sama's daughter_ off at the Daimyo's, but he'd be back. He'd always be back for me.

"Sensei's going to want to monopolize my time while Jei's gone." I tossed out there, not really caring what either thought about it. I couldn't really tell if I was in a pensive mood or not, but I just… things just didn't feel right.

"I don't think I've ever heard you so neutral about training. Ever." Choco could shut up any time now. Really she could. "You miss him."

I heaved a sigh, wondering if that was it. Did I miss Jei? Already? He'd been gone less than an hour. Hell, it was less than a day's travelling at shinobi speed. And he'd want to hurry home to me.

He'd better hurry home to me.

Oddly, I felt some kind of moisture falling down both sides of my face. I wondered briefly what that might have been… before admiring the ever-changing colors of the clouds caught my attention – the sun was starting to set.

#-#

* * *

"We will not be doing any elemental training today. You've no focus for it." Sensei said within seconds of setting his eyes on me. I didn't bother refuting it – he was probably right. "Today we will work on your endurance. Fifty laps around Konoha! Double time!"

Seeing that arguing a moot point was pointless – by definition really – I took off. Sensei was right behind me, though. I could sense him there the whole time. I kinda just let my mind wander after that. Kouji and Daichi would be training at my house with the others. Naruto-nii should be coming home soon too. But somehow… somehow my heart ached.

Shaking my head to rid myself of a pointless trail of thought, I tried making this workout count for something. Laps around Konoha usually followed a set path – the outer walls. There would be no traffic, no hindrances… no life there. The outskirts of Konoha was lined with the Great Outer Wall, which was then preceded with the Great Inner Wall – with more or less five meters of absolutely nothing between them. Most people would never know this, because of the grand genjutsu designed to keep it perfectly hidden. Those who scaled the outer wall, fell to their doom never knowing what hit them.

Now, normally I would be busy calculating the exact total distance of the path I was instructed to run… but I just wasn't in the mood. I just felt like watching the scenery around me. The tree branches overhead, the squirrels running about, the birds chirping as they went about their business – whatever that might be. It was like seven in the morning, but during the summer none of that mattered – still, I could feel the slight chill telling a tale of autumn coming.

I sighed. Even while running fast enough to have to focus on the details around me, I was still analyzing useless shit. Wow? Umm, where did that even come from? What was with me? I mean, sure, Jei wasn't going to be in Konoha for a few days, but did that warrant such language? I didn't even have an answer for that…

"If you have the time to philosophize, then you should be running faster!" Sensei announced, pelting pebbles at me to grab my attention. Well, at least there were no kunai in the equation this time…

"Hai, hai." I drawled, wondering at my foul mood. I got my period like last week, so that wasn't it either. Well, instead of worrying about it, I just picked up the pace seeing how much I could take before passing out on my feet.

Such is the joy of having a sensei that knew how to deal with me. The fact that he purposely excluded the guys from this earned him some major points as well. Though… I briefly wondered if he had done that on purpose or not. Hmm.

#-#

* * *

Later that afternoon I had to give a class again – to Iruka's class. Kouji and Daichi were already herding their students over into their respective corners, while the girls were gathering around me. That included Choco and Hibari too.

Heedless of my lack of enthusiasm, I had a job to do. So I instructed them all to grab a slingshot. "Yes, a slingshot. Anyone who complains about it can be the first target." I warned when I heard some of them whining. Well, they were all pretty quiet after that.

"Now, as you may have noticed we have two new additions to this class. Choco and Hibari. They have been interested in learning about the slingshot for a while now, so I decided to let them tag along. What we are going to be learning today is probably a lot more complex than you're expecting."

I gave them all a moment to let it sink in. "Using any weapon or tool is easy. Using it properly never will be. The first thing we're going to do is to figure out who's left or right handed. Please raise your dominant hand, or the hand you usually write with." Each of the girls raised her right hand.

"Alright, no lefties. Then you want to take the slingshot into your left hand." I waited for everyone to grab a slingshot, which I had placed right in front of where they were instructed to sit – which kinda begged the question why everyone was so shocked they would be working with it in the first place.

"So you hold it with your right hand then?" Choco asked. That was kind of a difficult question to answer.

"No, I don't hold it in my right hand, but lefties tend to." I explained, hoping that line of questioning would end there.

"So why don't you?" Ikue picked up where Choco left off. I sighed internally – hoping no one would pick up on it. I wished that Jei would just hurry the hell back to Konoha and let me snuggle up to him to get this bad mood out of my system…

"I am technically a lefty, because I write with my left hand and it is my dominant hand. But with most things I don't have a preference. Left or right just comes down to what feels more natural to me." One thing I've known for longer than I can remember is that when dealing with girls you have to expect a lot of off topic questions. Like:

"So you're ambidextrous?" I didn't even care to identify who asked.

"I guess so. Now," I continued on, not missing a beat. Another common fact is that if you let the conversation roll off topic too long, no one will care to continue the lesson. So, it's best to tug them back on track quickly.

I went on to explain that one has to pay close attention not only to the target, but to one's own breathing. If you practiced something with your lungs filled with air, and you breathe with your chest, then your arms will be at a slightly different angle than they normally would be. That, and one's heartbeat would be more noticeable if that breath is held long enough. I tried explaining the important factors to pay attention for – habits of the target, telltale signs, limps, behavioral patterns, and so forth. As well, I tried to go the extra mile by teaching them how to give the pellet they'd soon be firing a slight curve, or how to fire it without an 'accent'.

"Now, before we move to the targets, does anyone have any questions regarding the slingshot?" Best to slay that dragon before it even wakes up. Everyone shook their heads from side to side. "Good, follow me please."

There were four practice dummies set up, so I had the girls line up in four rows – of two, but that's beside the point. I offered some last tips before I instructed them to fire five rounds and sent them to collect the pellets – I was using my own stash, so no one was going to lose my stuff!

Once they were back, I offered some more tips on what commonly went wrong and had the next group fire away. The process kept repeating itself, allowing each to get a feel for the weapon, while keeping the environment safe to make mistakes and openly admit them – why I thought that was important I wasn't sure.

Although, I will admit that only Ikue, Choco and Hibari was really giving it their all – the others probably thought it was just too cute to take seriously as a weapon, or something. I didn't care, they weren't hampering the progress.

"Very good!" I praised, mostly meaning it. "Now, we're going to switch to the bokken once again, and we are going to start off where we left off last week. Who can tell me the name of the-" I let myself ease into a groove. It didn't make it fun to work, but it made it bearable. Where was that boy?

#-#

* * *

Class finally let out, and Ikue, Choco and Hibari were helping me to clean up. Not surprisingly, we were finished before the guys, so we helped them as well. I pointedly ignored Kouji's murmurings about how awesome he was, and how awesomeness shouldn't be forced to clean up.

I sicked Choco on him.

"So, Ikue, you seem to be doing pretty good with your training. Have you been practicing at home like I asked?" It was mostly for the sake of small talk, no real reason behind it.

"I did practice, yes." Her eyes drooped. Warning bells were tinkling in the back of my mind, telling me that something was off here. Way off! "I'm glad that I messed up less this time."

"I see. Well, you're right: you did much better than last time. Do you think you'll need some extra lessons? I usually practice with my team and my sensei when I'm not here. It won't be a big deal to get in some extra time if you need it." The air about her was… depressing. In much the same way Daichi had been two years ago when his parents died. She wasn't sad or anything, and she didn't even give off any emotions that could help me to understand her any better. Still, something felt off.

She perked up, saying how grateful she was and if it wasn't any trouble. Polite chitchat. The warning bells weren't going away though. I made a mental note to ask Iruka-sensei about it later.

"Alright guys, mission for the day complete. I say we head to Ginkai's to celebrate!" I announced out of the blue. To everyone's credit, no one freaked.

On the way out of the Academy, Choco and Hibari flanked me – chatting about this or that. Something about them seemed… peaceful. Like they were where they wanted to be. I couldn't really explain it beyond that, they just seemed happy. The fact that their… guy… was a few steps behind us might have had something to with it, but I couldn't say for certain.

Somehow their good moods was a pick me up, helping me to not mope so much. I still missed _him_, but it was tolerable. "So we're still on for that movie on Friday right? You know we need to go shopping for something to wear right?" Choco was simply being effervescent, par for the course.

I assured her that if Jei was in Konoha, then there was now way I was going to miss it. "Choco-chan, you really need to calm down. Those stores aren't going out of business." Hibari pointed out – trying to reason with a shopaholic. I bit my lower lip, hoping to stave off the giggle I felt coming.

"Don't even kid like that! If even one of those stores close down… I'd just die!" I elbowed Hibari discreetly, rolling my eyes for her to see. We shared a little giggle, knowing that Choco was once again being overly dramatic.

"So, tomorrow afternoon? After training with the guys I can squeeze in a few hours of shopping. That gives us two days to iron out the details." I offered, meaning that Choco would have two whole days to try on each outfit at home and return the ones that '_Just won't work!_' She was just like a brunette version of Ino!

"Sounds good. Hopefully Kosuke-san's training won't wipe us out tomorrow." Hibari rolled her eyes. Choco pointed out that most shinobi liked a strong kunoichi, which changed her tune pretty quick. I just laughed, knowing it was partly true – not that I was getting between them on that.

All in all, I was just grateful to have these two with me when I needed some support. After all, who would want to go through life without their friends close by? "We are so bugging Nabi-chan to come with us tomorrow!" I announced, getting two smiles in reply. They looked at each other, saying something about 'mission complete'? I just rolled my eyes, figuring these two would pull a stunt like this to get me out of my rut.

I loved them just a little more for it too.

#-#

* * *

Waking up the next morning, I felt a little more at ease. I didn't feel like getting out of bed just yet, but I knew I'd have to soon enough. Sensei would likely arrive in less than an hour to collect me, so I'd have to plough through my morning ritual before then.

Jei was scheduled to arrive during the course of the day, so I knew to keep my wits about me – he had a habit of bringing back something for me when he left the village. I snuggled a little deeper into the sheets, wondering what he'd get me this time. He's always so sweet to me.

Well, if I didn't get up soon, I'd end up getting cramps from having breakfast late… so I tossed the blanket off of me. I got out, already sensing the girls waking up – I really needed to figure out how they did that.

"Good morning, Ai-chan!" Choco was… Choco, just female version to Kouji – match made in heaven if I ever saw one. She was always full of energy, even at five in the morning.

"Morning, Ai." Hibari was more palatable at this early hour. She said what needing saying and left the rest for when she really woke up. I respected that, really I did.

"Mornin'." I yawned, offering a halfhearted wave. I started making up my bed – something I was starting to wonder why I bothered. They would just flip off the sheets the second I moved off and make it up how they thought it should be done.

I shuffled towards the door, finding that Hibari already opened it. She was dragging her feet in the direction of the furo, while the rustling announced that Choco was making up my bed all over again (didn't I just do that?). It was too early for me to care.

After a nice long soak – and threatening Choco with bodily harm if she didn't pipe down – we combed each other's hair to hurry things along. Then we made our way downstairs. Ka-san and Nee-san were already up and breakfast was on the table. I didn't ask, mostly because I didn't want to know.

"Good morning, everyone." I kissed Ka-san on the cheek and took my usual seat to her left. I barely sat down when Choco placed my plate in front of me, telling me something about how 'Shizune-sama' went all out this time. I must have been getting lazy with these two taking over all my usual chores, because I don't remember being this tired before they got here.

Time flowed at the usual pace for this time of the morning. The more I woke up, the more I started chatting – telling Ka-san about my progress with my classes, bugging Nee-san about that new jutsu she was teaching me, the usual. Hibari was a little slower at waking up, but once she did, she and Choco started bugging Kosuke-san about their training. I should be wondering why everyone was up at this ungodly hour, but I guess I was simply tooused to it to really care.

Inaho took my dishes before I even got the chance to get up – she knew me well enough to know that if she didn't, I'd have washed them myself. That gave me another fifteen minutes before sensei showed up. I checked my equipment once last time; still chatting away with Ka-san about the movie we'd be going to see on Friday. I also made sure to remind her that I'd be stopping by after shopping with the girls to talk to her about something – she seemed to remember what about, but I just knew that I had to. I still wasn't fully awake, so she didn't hold it against me.

When I heard the soft tapping on the front door, and Kosuke-san opening it to welcome sensei, I knew it was time to leave. "Inaho-san, make sure to keep working on those tags. Aunty said she'd need them by the end of the week." I kissed Ka-san one last time on the cheek, thanked Nee-san for breakfast and I was out the door.

#-#

* * *

Sitting. Focusing. Meditating. FRUSTRATING! I was in no mood to sit for another four hours in hopes of something. Nope. Still, I sat and meditated any freaking way!

"I want to try something different." Sensei broke me out of my downward spiral. "There is a chance we are doing all this for nothing, but I want to ask you just to be sure."

I looked up at him, wondering what was going through his mind this time. "What's up?"

"You are a sensor, there is little doubt in that. What I want to know, is what you sense when you use your skill." His eyes were trained on me, trying to figure something out – don't ask me what though.

"Umm… huh?"

"Take me for example. What do you sense, what do you see, what do you feel?" I prayed he meant it innocently.

Still, I looked at him with all my senses at once. There was… an air of expectation about him. There was some curiosity mixed into it too, but mostly it was expectation. I told him just that.

"An air about me?" He raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued.

"Well, yeah. It's hard to explain, but it's like this… aura about you that I can seem to just pick up on." I said, wishing to Kami-sama that made sense to him. "Ka-san has been giving me scrolls on sensory jutsu that have helped hone it, but not all of them make sense to me either." I admitted.

"I see." His eyes narrowed slightly, almost like something clicked in his mind. He flicked a leaf at me, out of nowhere – where the hell did he get that? "How much do you know about Futon?"

I lost all feeling in my face at that point. Wind release? Did I… was I…? "Bu-…"

"It's a simple question. No need to get so flustered." He assured, but I wasn't sure I heard half of it. Pictures, scenes, explanations… something hit me, hard. Almost like a physical blow. Something clicked in my mind, and somehow it just struck me as… obvious – like I should have known everything about Futon training. It made absolutely no sense, but there it was.

"slicing a leaf in half?" I asked, suddenly both sure and unsure of myself.

"Well, that's one exercise, but we'll be doing that one later. I want to start you out on trying to hover the leaf. Wind is the element of eternal change after all, so moving things around with it is the more natural way to start." He offered the leaf to me – apparently I'd dropped the first one and couldn't find it. I wasn't sure what he was feeling at that point, mostly because I was to far gone in shock to even check. I felt… stupid. Like this was something I should have been able to figure out on my own.

Well, all answers were simple after you already knew them. I shrugged it off, already asking sensei for pointers on how for mould and flex my chakra to complete the exercise. "Think of air like you would a breath. You just need to let the air flow out of your hand like you're breathing through it."

That made no sense… but it felt… natural. Like I'd done it a thousand times before. The leaf was blown away almost immediately. And I mean, like ten meters into the air and went away permanently – never to be found again.

"Was that with Futon chakra?" I asked, feeling more than a little self conscious. It felt like those healing katas I do every evening, only a little different. At any rate, it felt like something I'd been doing for years. Which should make no sense at all! I mean… I was only twelve!

"No, but it's the basics of it. Try that leaf cutting one now then." He offered me another leaf. I ground my chakra against itself, like a grinding stone, trying to make it as sharp as I could. Then I took the 'ground' chakra and applied to the leaf… which was now pressed firmly between my two palms.

I stayed like than for almost a minute, wondering what would come out of it. I mean, I felt the chakra moving, I knew something was happening. I just didn't know what. I noticed it felt cool though. The chakra felt… cool. Like a the breeze you'd feel on a mid summer's day. It was noticeably cooler than the air around me.

When I moved my palm, I didn't dare look. I simply didn't know what to expect to see… and I didn't want to get my hopes up. At all!

"How'd I do?" I asked, pointing my nose as far away from my hands as my neck would let me. I offered my 'test' to sensei, hoping he'd break it to me gently. Why did I suddenly feel like I was six again?

"Not bad for a first try." He offered, not entirely disappointed. Not bad? My head snapped forward so quick I thought I'd get whiplash from it. Sure, I didn't cut through it, but there were noticeable slice marks in the leaf! It was noticeable on my first try!

"YATAI!" I jumped up, acting as goofy as Naruto-nii used to – when he thought I wasn't looking. I even did my little happy dance! And this came after only fifteen minutes! That's a time I don't mind risking on the off chance of success! "Go Ai. It's your birthday. We goin' party like it's your birthday!"

Even sensei was smiling at me. Not that I'm-entertained-and-I-don't-mind-showing-it smile either. No, this was his I'm-happy-you're-happy smile! He didn't use that smile often, but it made him seem less jounin-y. More human in other words.

"You know we're going to celebrate later for this right?!"

#-#

* * *

Over and over. And over. And over! I'd lost track of how many leaves I'd cut an hour ago. And I didn't care. Sensei told me to keep at it, so I did! I didn't mind repeating progress, so long as progress was present!

I tossed another leaf into a growing pile in front of me. And next to me. Was I standing on one of them? Nope, like twenty of 'em. It's been a good day. Sensei already explained what the next exercise is going to be, and I really should get to it. Well, no time like the present.

I grabbed a new leaf and tried to limit the output of my chakra until it hovered an inch above my palm. No more than an inch. That requires a large amount of control, because you not only have to limit how much is used, you have to constantly use that same amount.

Things seemed to be looking up for me. Not only was I already on my way to getting this exercise under my belt, but I was also no longer frustrating the hell out of myself to figure out what my secondary element was! Seriously, I thought I was going to rip out half my hair before I got that far!

Once I had gotten used to hovering the leaf, I started spinning it. Instructions were to spin it slowly – this was an exercise of control, not speed. Speed would come in time, but control is much more important to focus on. Or so sensei said. All I really had to do was 'twist' my chakra as it was leaving my palm center… weird name to call it, but sensei was just like that. I guess.

Then… then I felt it. Or more accurately, I felt him. My focus was immediately shot to hell. Turning towards the source of that chakra signature, "Miss me?" Jei asked, smiling a little too broad. He knew. Kami-sama, he knew how bad I missed him.

Seeing no point in putting up a front, I glomped him. I didn't even mind that he didn't keep us both from falling, or that we both landed in the heap of leaves sensei had collected for me to use. Once I felt his warmth entering my system, I sighed contently.

"I've missed you like the trees miss sunshine." I whispered in his ear. Keep no secrets, tell no lies. "Almost enough to keep that… thing here in Konoha."

"Almost? Hmm, I'll have to work on that." He teased, but wrapped his arms around me anyway. "I brought something for you, but I had Hibari put it on your pillow for when you get home later."

I ignored his attempt to get me riled up. He did that a lot, telling me he got something then refusing to tell me what it was. It was just something he liked doing. "So we're going to lunch now then?" Sensei would want to go to Ichiraku's, so he wouldn't mind ditching me so long as I would still be with someone to keep me safe.

Looking over to the edge of the training ground, I could see Kouji making a fireball about three times his size over the pond. He was getting better. And Daichi was practicing the Doton: Doryu Taiga (Earth Flow River) – which Saru-ji-chan taught him, surprisingly a C-rank jutsu.

"Earth… Wind… Fire…" I mumbled, wondering about that. The great three combination! "Holy shit! We have-" The novelty of that realization faded into the background the second Jei nibbled on my earlobe. My mind simply went blank. Well… whatever was so important… I can figure it out again later. Right?

#-#

* * *

"So what did you bring me?" I bugged Jei again. He just smiled, patting my head like I was a little girl he was trying to calm down. I frowned knowing that was coming. He always did that. Tell me something, then not telling me the details! Details are important!

Puffing my cheeks and pouting, I sat on my usual spot, waiting for the other guys to show up. Kouji and Daichi were already here. Hell, even sensei decided to come with us this time. We just needed-

"You guys weren't starting the party without us, were you?" The Konohamaru Corps. I decided to put aside my pouting, for now.

"Hey guys!" I chirped happily. I noticed both Moegi and Udon were wearing their new(ish) swords proudly, sporting smiles that rivaled the sun in intensity. "You passed Tenten's first test I take it?"

"Aced it!" Konohamaru bragged for them. "They are getting stronger every second!" I just rolled my eyes, knowing not to look for logic in his boasts. I did notice the blush on Moegi's face though – or did that have to do with Udon mumbling something? I wasn't sure.

"And where's Nabi-chan? I know you didn't show up without my girl with you!" I threatened, reaching into my legpouch for my tessen.

"Powder room." He shrugged, not taking my threat seriously.

"Ooh! Bathroom break!" I announced, dragging Moegi with me. She didn't fight it at least.

The second we entered the girl's restroom, I checked to make sure we were alone – other than Nabi-chan who was washing her hands. We exchanged a brief greeting – her teasing me about Jei leaving me so suddenly, me teasing her about Konohamaru letting her come to the restroom alone (she got the deeper blush, so I won!).

"By the way, we're planning a couples thing on Tuesday to go to that new vampire movie. Which includes a shopping expedition just after lunch. You girls in?" Before they even had the chance to answer, Choco and Hibari entered. I repeated the invite – after the usual greeting – and waiting on the answers that were to come.

I wasn't sure if I had already asked Choco and Hibari (it was possible that I had asked them early in the morning since I had known about this for two days), but it didn't hurt to let Hanabi know that I hadn't dared exclude her.

#-#

* * *

Her heart was thumping in her chest, going at least a mile a minute. She didn't dare turning around to confirm how close her stalker was; knowing that it might well cost her dearly. She just kept running, and running.

Really, these movies were all the same – tense music, sudden appearances and all the usually gimmicks. Still, I loved figuring things out from them. I loved tearing apart the logic and the graphics to see how well they were put together. And, hearing other people freak for something that makes no sense is hilarious!

Still, this movie had a different purpose. Going to this movie was about a group of friends getting together and having fun. And celebrating our progress in our training. And finally actually meeting an energetic Nara! That one had me puzzled when I first met him.

Sure he wasn't the sharpest knife by Nara standards, but he was still one of the smarter people I'd likely know.

But mostly, the thing I enjoyed about this type of movie… was getting to cuddle up to Jei for no reason. Well, that and no one would look at me funny for it. I didn't buy anything new to wear, mostly because I knew it would be overkill. Instead, I just put on my uniform, some light makeup and brushed my hair till it shone.

Choco probably spent the most time trying to look pretty of all of us – no you idiot, running into your basement while being chased by flying vampires is not a good idea. That's what I liked about being with Jei. He liked it when I was all dressed up, but he was just as proud to walk with me when I smelled like a gym sock and covered in mud.

That didn't mean I'd let myself slip – I had to make sure other girls knew that he was mine! – but I appreciated that he thought I was beautiful no matter what. And being able to snuggle up to him and laugh with him when the bad acting came up was a good thing too.

"you enjoying yourself?" Jei asked, offering me a go at the jumbo soda we were sharing. I grabbed it and the pop corn, snuggling up a little closer – close enough that he had to wrap an arm around me to get comfy.

"i am now." I said, laying my head on his shoulder. Sipping on the soda and grabbing some pop corn for me and him to munch. I was happy that he didn't even hesitate when I placed the snack in against his lips for him – a sign that he trusted me without question.

"you know this chick is gonna die in the next twenty seconds right?" I tried not to laugh, having come to the same conclusion. I didn't answer him. No point. So I just snuggled a little closer, breathing him in.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" I heard a female screeching. A bit unexpected, seeing that their just explaining how a vampire raises from the grave – not exactly scary stuff if you ask me. If I didn't know any better, I'd think it was Choco… which meant,

**"Kouji."** Jei and I said at the same time. We shared a laugh, knowing that we'd get a juicy story later on.

Our eyes met. The laughter we just shared slowly drained away, taking the rest of the world with it. In his eyes I saw… something. Something that was only there for me to see. I saw his hopes and dreams, his fears and shortcomings. How he would only let himself be vulnerable for me, that I was his weakness and his strength.

What I saw wasn't passion, and not because he didn't feel strongly for me. No, it went deeper than mere passion. What I saw there both scared me and enticed me.

He trailed the tip of his finger against my jaw line, inviting me to come closer. His eyes focused on my lips. I knew what he wanted, what he needed. And I wanted nothing more than to give him just that.

I leaned in closer. He leaned in closer. Our lips met somewhere along the way.

It wasn't steamy, erotic or anything Jiraiya would ever pay attention to. No… it was gentle. Like a candle in a snowstorm – it was enough. Enough for me to know that we had each other, and that's all I needed.

He leaned a little further, bringing his lips to my ear. "i love you, ai." His whispered confession sent a shiver down my spine. That was the moment… the moment I knew. The moment I knew for a fact I couldn't deny it any longer. I had fallen in love. Fallen, as in past tense. The falling was over and done with. I prayed that he'd be gentle with my heart… it's fragile.

"i love you… jei."

#-#

* * *

"Alright Team 7." Sensei began. He was about to give some long winded explanation about how Team Kurenai challenged us to an all out spar, and about how we were to show them what his 'sproutlings' could do… and all that. I was already to the point of ignoring him.

Instead I took in the surroundings. We were on the North side of Training Ground 18, a jounin training ground! It was a wide-open glade surrounded by thick forest, roughly thirty-five meters in diameter. There were no stumbling stones, nothing to hide behind, nothing to get in the way.

"Have at." He smirked at us. Wait, that's it? "And don't embarrass me." I didn't bother to hide the smirk that graced my features.

Kiba stood twenty meters ahead of us with Shino on his left and Hinata on his right. We'd been given three minutes to strategize, after that the two jounin would give us the go ahead. Well, that was the official story at least – sensei's been preparing us for situations like this since we became a team.

"We're doing dark. Kouji, you've got Hinata. Daichi, you've got Shino. I'll take Kiba. They're going to underestimate us, simply because Kiba's ego won't let them do anything else. So hit hard and hit fast." The boys nodded once, eyes already boring into their targets. "Setup is 'scallion'."

That's all my team needed. They knew what they had to do, and they wouldn't disappoint. Over on the other side, I could see Kiba getting worked up. He was shouting something at Shino – probably denying what Shino saw as obvious.

Once the three minutes was up, a cry of 'Hajime!' filled the air. That's all I needed. Flashing through handseals, I spit out the thickest mist I'd ever managed up until this point. The chakra enhanced mist would blind the Byakugan – not a commonly known fact, but neither the Byakugan nor the Sharingan could see through it because of the chakra flowing through this jutsu.

Once that was done I dashed towards my goal, taking the long way around to not hint at my destination. Daichi would meet me there. I counted down from fifty, giving the guys the time they'd need, then I shunshinned to my final goal.

"Checkmate." Was all I said, letting the fog dissipate.

Once our normal vision had been restored, I could sense sensei's pride, and Kurenai's shock. But neither was as satisfying as the anger and embarrassment from Kiba. Hinata and Shino both had a trench knife pressed against their neck – Kouji had kawarimied with Daichi after the Double Suicide Decapitation Technique, leaving only two chuunin's heads above the ground.

And I had Tenshi wrapped around Kiba, making it impossible for him to even move. As for Akamaru… well, he was with Daichi on the other side of the field, eating a steak. "Death does not discriminate, Kiba-chan. I suggest you do the same."

"…" He looked majorly peeved, probably because Shino had told him much the same thing.

"And on a side note. Telling your team to 'stay put' is not the smartest thing to do." And thus concludes a pointless battle. Sensei was going to come and ask if we wanted to 'have another go' – Kouji'd say yes, Daichi wouldn't care, but I was going to turn it down. There was no point in it – Kiba would only fight on a level we '_couldn't compete with_' to bolster his wounded ego. I had no interest in that. Nope, Ginkai's was a much better option.

#-#

* * *

"I still can't believe we beat a chuunin team!" Kouji was being his usual, _charming_ self. We barely even made it through the front door and he was already hamming it up. Che.

I had slid the doors open, wide enough that the three of us could enter without a problem, and looked around – Daichi would close the door behind him. It was just past the lunch rush, so it was mostly empty. I did notice that the guys were already here though. "We didn't beat anything other than an over inflated ego." I pointed out. It was the advantage of the other guy underestimating you – an advantage I liked having.

"Still, you have to admit it was awesome that we won! I mean, how many genin teams can say they went up against a chuunin team?! Let alone brag that they-"

"And that's exactly why we won." Daichi interrupted. I was grateful to be honest – that was the same egotistical stupidity we had just beaten.

Not bothering to look over my shoulder to see what Kouji's physical reaction was, I made my way to our usual table. Konohamaru and his crew were there, with Hanabi. Jei and his team were there too. The atmosphere seemed lighter than usual, not sure what that meant.

"Jei! My man! We kicked Kiba's ass in a team spar!" Kouji just had to. I groaned, wondering why he couldn't keep his trap shut. The mood immediately shifted – some didn't believe it, others were simply in shock.

"Does this mean I can't kick his ass?" Jei asked me. I burst out in giggles before I even fully registered what was said. The bland, slightly disappointed tone he used… there was no way I could have reacted any other way.

"We didn't land a single punch. We just deflated his ego." I shrugged, biting my lip to keep the laughter in. The 'battle of no hits' was something of a promised land for shinobi – why fight when you could win without lifting a finger?

"Good, then I can still have my fun." Jei… kinda just… glowed. Not in a good way. It was kinda like Ka-san when she got really upset with someone and was plotting the most excruciating way to show them that. Well, so long as what he did was legal it was fine.

"So what'd we miss out on?" I asked trying to lighten the mood again. I took up my spot next to Jei, sensing Kouji and Daichi sit nearby. Everyone got this goofy (a click North of bawling with laughter) look on their face – some more pronounced than others.

"It seems that…" There was a choking sound, letting me know that Matsuri was more than a little entertained. "Ame brought his…" Another choking sound followed, "his **sister** to that movie yesterday!"

I quickly hid the lower portion of my face in my hands, cupping my mouth as tightly as I could. I didn't want to make this any worse for Ame than it already was, but I mean… come on! Well, it was a losing battle – at best. "I trust he was a perfect gentleman." When I heard Daichi's words, I lost it. I just lost it. I could feel the blood rising to my head from how hard I started laughing. My sides were aching in protest and I felt like I was going to burst!

I kept laughing anyway.

"At least he doesn't have to worry about meeting the in-laws." Kouji pointed out. I think I heard an annoyed groan, and logically it had to have been Ame's… I just didn't care.

"Does she have a sister?" Everyone seemed to want to take a turn in poking fun at the boy. His own fault, he could have just bowed out and admitted he didn't have a girlfriend. Though it _was_ possible. :-3

#-#

* * *

After making it home, I decided it was time to check up on Hibari and Choco. They had been holed up in the dojo with Kosuke-san all day and I really was getting curious about their training!

So I made my way downstairs, trying to be as silent as I could. It wouldn't count for much seeing as Kosuke-san really was a jounin level shinobi, despite his official rank. I clung to the walls, knowing that the stairs would make far too much noise to hope to glimpse anything revealing, slowly making my way down.

"… choco, please focus… yoyo is still a wea…" Tenten? Why was she helping the girls train in the middle of the afternoon? Normally she would swing by around five for an hour, then head out just before dinner.

"… don't think… making any progress… hate being weak… wish I was like ai-chan…" Choco complained. I couldn't open the door, other they'd know I was eavesdropping. Still, I felt shame and disappointment radiating through the room – likely just from Choco herself.

"… -chan would ne… think less of you be… loves us… aybe you should ju…" Hibari was offering her all the comfort and support she could, but I could tell it wasn't helping any. I decided to just go in and see what I could do.

Sliding the door open, I took in the scene before me. Tenten was sitting where the sensei would typically sit while the students were taking a break, with her back to the Senju Clan symbol that dominated the wall opposite the door. Hibari was crouched over the body splayed out on the floor – Choco, being my guess. There were currently four yoyos rolled up near the pair telling me all I needed to know.

"May I enter?" I asked Tenten, announcing my arrival. Hibari tensed up, obviously embarrassed for Choco at being found like this. But Choco… if her chakra told the whole story, she was contemplating sepukku.

After Tenten nodded, I made my way to the mumbling kunoichi – something about hell being to good for her, if I heard right. "Choco-chan?" She didn't even react. Her ebony hair was all over the place, and showed – seeing as it was the only thing other than her clothes I could actually see – how hard she had been training since I left (it was sweaty and clumping together).

She was still not reacting. Perhaps a different approach? "You know, I remember when I first started learning to use weapons. My first practice weapon was the kusarigama… I remember thinking of it as a soap-on-a-rope shinobi style." I giggled at the memory.

Choco mumbled something along the lines of me likely taking to it like a fish to water. "Hardly. It took me nearly six months to not hurt myself every time. After that it was another year before I thought I was any good with it… Shizune-nee-san said I remind her of Ka-san's stubborn streak."

Though she hadn't moved an inch, I could tell that she was more contemplative than depressed. "The point is that I sucked at first. I was worse than bad. But I didn't give up. I didn't lose sight of the goals I set for myself." I leaned in and kissed her on her crown, trying to show her that I wasn't disappointed in her in the least. "And I'm hoping you won't either." I just wasn't sure if she understood that or not.

#-#

* * *

Night came. The stars were out, affording the little light I could see. It was a new moon, so there was no hope for moonlight. And seeing that the Senju District was on the Northern edge of Konoha, well behind the Hokage Mountain, there was no light pollution to be found. So it was just me… and the stars.

The air was crisp, and the breeze carried the scent of the rain that was likely going to fall tonight – one of the advantages of studying Suiton is that I know better than anyone when it's going to rain.

I should have felt at ease. I should have been at peace. But I wasn't. Not even close. There was just something in the air to put me on edge. Nothing immediate, luckily, but it was there none the less.

Ka-san took me aside after dinner to discuss something vital with me: the Slug Summoning Contract. She wanted to know if I wanted to sign it, to be able to follow in her footsteps as a Namekuji Summoner.

She refused to let me answer her immediately – microseconds before I shouted yes loud enough for Naruto-nii to hear me! She'd said that I had to think about it and give her an answer after the CSE in Kumo.

She also gave me a list of summoning contracts that the Senju Clan was in possession of. Yes, a list! Apparently to earn clan status in Konoha, one had to be in possession of one such a contract. No, not simply being able to summon, but to have earned the respect of that summons so that your entire clan would be allowed to sign simply because they had been born in that clan.

The Noble Clans of Konoha, an elite status that housed a mere five clans, meant said clan had to be in possession of at least three such contracts before they could even be considered for the honor. The five of course being: Akimichi, Aburame, Hyuuga, Uchiha and Senju (funny how everyone negates to mention the Senju when they talk of the Nobles of Konoha!).

The Senju of the Forest had been in possession of four such contracts for generations: the Slugs, the Rabbits, the Cranes and the Leopards. Ka-san was even kind enough to tell me that Shodai-sama had signed the Crane contract and Nidaime-sama had signed with the Leopards.

As well, I was informed that there was a scroll with the pros and cons of each contract would be on my desk to read at my leisure. I sighed – what a mess to find myself in. What did I want to do? Did I want to follow in Ka-san's footsteps? Did I want to walk my own path?

And why now? I mean, I barely just made genin! I was only twelve! Why would I be given the opportunity to sign on to a summoning contract so soon? Was there a reason? Was it a custom? Did she feel I was ready, but wanted me to focus on the CSE first? Was signing the contract a gift if I made chuunin?

Were summoning contracts so commonplace that every clan in Konoha had a different one? Was it a contract with a single clan within a species? Was it a contract with the entire species? So much I didn't know, so much I didn't understand, but how to remedy that?

I doubted that the Slugs would willingly educate me on summons on a whole – they'd probably just say they only knew about the slugs. Same could be said for the others, I supposed. Should I ask anyway? Should I ask the toads? I was sure that Naruto-nii wouldn't mind arranging an audience with the toads to satisfy my curiosity.

I sighed again. So much I didn't know.

Gazing up at the stars, I wondered. Would the answers come? Would they satisfy my curiosity? Would they just spark even more questions? Who could say. With me there was always the chance that I would just burn with a thousand more questions after each answer came.

#-#

* * *

"Rabbits, the samurai of Numata Valley. Rabbits are fierce, and family oriented. Kenjutsu masters. They never get very large, but make up for it with tenacity and numbers. Pros: kenjutsu, superior numbers and speed. Cons: never larger than the average human, Samurai (stealth is not an option) and dislikes carnivores." I mumbled the words as I red.

"Cranes, the regal lords of Zenshu Island. Cranes are known for their unique jutsu and are taijutsu masters. Most cranes are roughly two meters tall, but the great cranes have been known to be larger than fifteen meters. Not very friendly though – and tend to peck any summoner they take a disliking to. Pros: able to fly, agile, flock oriented attacks, can become quite large. Cons: proud (Uchiha level proud), slow to initiate a fight." Hmm, interesting. Disturbing, to be sure, but interesting none the less.

"Leopards, kings of the Forests of Nan. Strong, fast, stealthy and can track their target from over a hundred kilometers away. They are loners though, and tend to be prideful. The problem is that they are hard to impress, and you need to impress them if you want to live. Pros: well rounded, always willing to train, stealthy. Cons: will not work with other Leopards. Might not work with you either." That sent a shiver down my spine.

"Slugs, keepers of the Eastern Gate. Slugs are tenacious, hard to kill and have the tendency to dissolve their enemies in acid. They prefer to heal than to fight and will not answer to those they do not respect. Pros: skilled healers, excellent defensive fighters, subservient. Cons: violently allergic to salt (no sea slugs on the summing rooster)." Ummm… 'violently allergic'? To salt? That's kind of a drawback. I wondered briefly why no one ever tried to take advantage of such a well-known drawback.

I just stared in front of me, wondering which would be the better choice. The desire to follow in Ka-san's shoes was egging me to choose the slugs. Still, there was always the temptation to follow Hashirama or Tobirama was also tugging my curiosity into that direction. Still another part of me was wondering if I should just break the mold entirely and go with the Rabbits. Who could say?

I figured it was best to not answer hastily. Yup, just take my time and let the options roll around my skull until I was satisfied with one answer or another. Yeah… that's probably the best course of action.

#-#

* * *

Another day had come to a close. Another training, another new technique and another appointment for another group spar coming up in less than an hour. Things were falling into a rhythm, but was it one that I enjoyed? I didn't know.

Waking up at five in the morning, training all day and falling in my bed at night around eight – that's what my days had become. That's all my days seemed to contain: trainings with ever increasing difficulty. I was becoming stronger for it, of that there was little doubt… but sometimes I still wondered about the value of it.

I mean, becoming Hokage was never my goal. Hell, Hokage's assistant wasn't even my goal. All I seemed to look forward to these days was training with my friends. Or was it just about being with my friends in the first place? Was training even all that important to me? Was becoming strong and teaching the world a more peaceful way to live the goal of my existence?

And did that cloud remind me of Jei smiling at me? Or was it me holding a chocolate bar? It could also be Ka-san giving me that look she often gave me when she couldn't decide if I was being cute or a smart-alec.

The grass below me felt so soft, as did the soil. Funny how I never paid much attention to the way grass felt before. Why was that? Why didn't I even notice the slight pressure of Choco's head on my thigh? Or how soft her hair felt as I idly combed through it with my fingers? And Hibari's head on my belly… I could only imagine that she had fallen asleep quickly – like I tended to when I lay on Ka-san's belly. Why didn't I ever take note of the little things like this? Was I simply keeping myself so busy that the important things were being drowned out of my psyche?

My eyes wandered to reason I was laying here in the first place. Jei. He had a content smile on his face, looking up at the clouds. What was he thinking? Was he okay with my team winning the group spar this time? Was he excited that he would get a chance to win against us later?

His eyes lowered onto his lap – and my head, seeing as he refused to let me lay my head on the ground. His eyes were smiling far brighter than the upward curl of his lips hinted at. Somehow, that smile stole the air out of my lungs. His hand ghosted over my face, leaving only a hint of warmth where stray strands of hair had been tucked aside as evidence it had been there at all.

But that smile didn't leave his eyes. That contented, at peace with the world at large, I-wouldn't-be-anywhere-else-but-here smile… He leaned back, letting himself rest on his elbows, and just gazed up at the clouds again. "It's going to rain tonight." He commented.

I smiled, not really caring. "Yeah." Silence had never been so comfortable in my whole life. Still, noting needed saying, so I sighed contently instead. Yeah, I could imagine spending the rest of my days just like this.

Curiously I cast my senses about me. Kouji and Daichi were meditating with Kosuke-san – apparently he was teaching them a genjutsu of some sort. Matte-chan and Ame were playing shogi – with Tekuno-sensei laughing at Ame, who was once again losing. Hayama-sensei was polishing his sword – he had said that he'd be teaching me some new jutsu soon to combine my newly discovered Futon affinity and kenjutsu.

Why couldn't every day be like this?

"Jeez! Why're you guys just lazing about?! Kore." Konohamaru had to… he just had to! To hell with it, I wasn't letting his over enthused nonsense ruin my snuggle time. I just closed my eyes, wondering at the scent of Jei that hung in the air.

I would deal with the Sarutobi later… much later.

#-#

* * *

"Alright, this is a three way spar between teams 7, 8 and 9. Weapons are allowed, jutsus are allowed. No fatal blows and no unnecessary force. The only cooperation allowed is with members of your own team. Are the combatants ready?" Tekuno-sensei was the self appointed referee – as usual.

Behind me stood Kouji wielding his trench knives and Daichi with his tonfa. Over to my right was Konohamaru with the tip of Eda over his shoulder and his minions with the swords' grips sticking up over their right shoulder.

Over to my left was Jei who was twirling his tanbo – he was smirking at Konohamaru for some reason. Ame seemed aloof. And Matsuri looked like she just wanted to go back to cloud watching – I at least partly agreed with her, Jei was comfortable to lean on.

Everyone nodded, but I could tell that Moegi was nervous. She must have sensed that Jei and I were a little peeved at the interruption to our snuggle time – me more than him if you asked me.

It was at that moment that I finally noticed that I was frowning at the young Sarutobi. I didn't really understand why, but the tendency to pick off his team first spoke volumes to me.

Once Tekuno-sensei gave the go ahead, my hands flew through handseals and I whispered the name that would forever change Kono-chan's opinion of me: "Mugen – Wet nightmare."

Konohamaru's eyes went out of focus, and I noticed a trail of saliva was mixing with the trail from his slight nosebleed. His team wouldn't even notice he was in a genjutsu until it was too late – the disadvantage of them standing behind him. But then, he should be entering the 'nightmare' part of the genjutsu in three… two… one…

His face morphed from the happy little pervert, to the horrified little boy that had just seen his girlfriend strap on a dildo – which was what he was seeing. By the time anyone really knew what was going on, Jei's team descended onto them, exchanging blows. Though, I wasn't sure if Jei's right hook stopped the genjutsu entirely or not.

I signaled to my team for a withdrawal. It made no sense to involve ourselves in this, so we'd wait until they had tired themselves out and we would simply take out the winner. We hid in ambush just behind the tree line further up, as I watched Team 9 take a beating – I hadn't known that Ame or Matsuri could hold a candle to confrontational fighters like Team 9.

Moegi and Matsuri were blocking and countering each and every blow they other offered. Moegi with Shinsei, Matsuri with a single kunai. Those two were doing all right for themselves. Sure, I saw slight flaws in their form, but they would not fall easily.

Udon and Ame's was more of a battle of attrition – they were too evenly matched for a winner to be decided without someone getting injured or killed. Ame was using speed of using a lighter weapon to guard against the stronger attacks he was defending from. While Udon was clearly not the more graceful swordsman around – something he would iron out in time.

But Jei and Konohamaru… their fight was nothing short of amazing! Konohamaru's Eda versus Jei's Yuubou. They were a blur of motion – clearly the more dangerous opponents of their respective teams. They were both fast, and fluent with their motions. And their weapons used that to the absolute maximum of their potential. I was glad I had given Eda to her current wielder.

The only problem was that neither of them considered tactics in their spars. Sure, Matsuri would often complain to Jei that he was being lazy about it – which said a lot seeing that a Nara was saying it – but they were still just picking an opponent and fighting until someone gave in.

Minutes dragged on, but the fighting didn't stop. They were so deep into the battle that they didn't even notice we were missing. And judging from Kouji's proud smile, I guessed that a genjutsu was helping them with that.

I signaled for the strategy I wanted to use. Nothing complex, just that we would each take out two of our opponents when I gave the signal. I made sure to point out that the two leaders were mine though! I wanted to make sure they understood that my team was a force to be reckoned with!

Another few minutes passed and the targets were starting to lag a bit. I signaled for Kouji to drop the genjutsu – probably an area of effect knowing him – and we moved in. Konohamaru and Jei seemed to not notice a difference at all, too engrossed in their match. I smirked just a little broader.

"Bring it, jei!" I could barely hear them over all the clanging of weapons against each other, but it didn't matter. They were running low on chakra and they were sweating up a storm. I shunshinned behind Jei, preparing to move in for the kill – I just needed the opportunity. They were still trying to whack a mole like it was going out of style, but each attack was taking more and more out of them Good, it made my job easier.

They were going to come in for one last grand attack, typical for guys. So as they dashed off, I made my move. I shunshinned exactly to the point they would meet and kicked both boys in their solar plexus, knocking them out simultaneously.

I looked around, seeing that only my team was still standing. I smiled. It had gone off without a hitch. "You didn't drop the genjutsu." I said to Kouji. No, it wasn't a question.

"Of course not! Giving up a clear advantage that doesn't affect our performance is dumb!" Came the reply. I nodded, approving. Orders or no, my team knew their own skill best so I trusted them to hold it together.

"A tip." I turned to Tekuno-sensei and Ebisu-sensei. "Teach them that team sparring isn't a group one-on-one match. They tossed planning out of the window from the get go."

#-#

* * *

This is what I got for actually showing some kind of skill. Seriously? Another group spar, and against Team Kurenai no less. "Kiba must have griped about his last match until Kurenai couldn't take it anymore." I made sure they could hear me too!

Kouji and Daichi just nodded, with Kouji adding his two cents. "Don't worry, Ai-chan. This match might take a bit longer this time, but we'll come out on top!" I wanted to believe him, I really did. But fact was that we were outclassed.

So long as they underestimated us, we could take them out no problem. But they have years of experience and training above us and were actual chuunin! We were good, but not that good. Still, that didn't mean that I was going to just roll over and die! "We're going in with Jan-Ken-Pon." I told them, getting the usual nods in reply. They switched places, so that Daichi was on my left – a rare occurrence to be honest.

"Combatants ready?" Yup, that's what happens when sensei has to talk to a crowd: he says only what he must. I took out my umbrella, wielding it with both hands on the hilt and the tip pointing back like it was a sword. I nodded. "Hajime!"

I shot a Teppoudama right at Kiba's smirk, enjoying that he actually had to wipe that shit eating grin off his face. Then I dashed to the left to go around them, with Kouji swinging around to the right.

As expected, Hinata moved to intercept me, while Shino was going after Kouji. Kouji's Katon jutsu had the better chance of dealing with Shino's little friends, so he'd have to hold out until we took out Hinata and Kiba.

Daichi sped around me, taking the lead as we made a beeline for Hinata – she was the first target, but Kiba was tossing kunai at us like they were going out of style. Too bad sensei had trained us to dodge them in our sleep.

Daichi seemed to trip over his own two feet, but in fact he was sliding in to kick the Hyuuga's legs out from under her. She jumped over it and to her right, seeing that I was right behind Daichi, but I only needed her in the air.

I spun around, releasing Tenshi from the scabbard of the umbrella and let my blade shoot out like a snake. She tried to avoid the attack, but I had planned for it and let her spinning dodge wrap the tip around her – essentially wrapping her up like a cocoon in my blade. She was unharmed, seeing as I lay the blunt side of the blade against her and not the edges, but I had gotten in my point so she was out of the match.

Flicking my wrist, Tenshi shot back to me unwrapping her ungracefully. I hated doing that to her – it would likely give her a few unneeded bruises and the like, but Kiba and Akamaru were already making their way over to us, so I didn't have the time to be gentle.

Daichi's hands flew through handseals and he spit something out of his mouth. "Doton – Doryuheiki!" No sooner had the words left his mouth had a wall sprout up from the mud he spit out, five meters across and three meters high! The wall itself had looked rough, but only as rough as a slab of rock was meant to! I was honestly impressed. If I hadn't known that he was working his ass off I would have been absolutely shocked at his progress!

My amazement was short lived, as two fanglike projectiles ripped through the wall and continued their attack towards us. Daichi and I jumped to the side, hoping to see the last of it – in vain, of course.

I guessed that Kiba sent Akamaru after Daichi, simply because he would want to take me out himself. So when the two projectiles split up I shouted out: "Sunset!" Daichi would know what it meant, and that was all I needed to know.

Kiba kept trying to hit me, but I would either Kawarimi or Shunshin out of the way. I could tell it was frustrating the hell out of him, but that was the point of this tactic. I needed him to get angry! Anger blinds us, forces us to succumb to baser motifs and therefore less capable of seeing a trap.

I shot off another Teppoudama at him, which his attack ripped through, but it was getting him wet bit by bit. All I needed was to show him that he wasn't getting his way. That's all his ego would need. Then, I let him get closer. I still got out unscathed, but I let him get close enough to feel like he was understanding my MO better than he did. Then I sprung the first part of the trap: "Suiton – Mizurappa!"

The force of the water was not just slowing him down, but it was actually forcing him to a complete stop! I couldn't be happier about that. Because that meant he would be even more eager to prove himself – arrogance, anger and pride were more or less the same thing.

As predicted, he veered off course trying to build back up the momentum he needed for another go. Only this time, when he made his was back towards me again… I jumped outta the way, a victorious smirk on my face.

Two fanglike projectiles crashed right into each other! I turned to assess the damage, only to see…

"Fuck." Kiba had grabbed Akamaru and tossed him right at me, pinning me to the ground. It happened way too quickly for me to react too. I might have been able to kawarimi, but I simply hadn't planned for that. At all.

Akamaru had my neck between his teeth, growling to tell me to concede defeat. There were at least ten escapes I could think of that I could pull off without risking my life, but it wasn't worth the effort. I mean, seriously? If I somehow managed to beat 'team Kiba' when they were 'serious', then I'd never hear the end of it.

Still, I was not giving up just yet. I kawarimied with a rock, which I attached a fake Explosive Note to. It contained a genjutsu that would act like a real Explosive Note, but without the whole dying thing – it'd still give Akamaru and Kiba a heart attack. :-3

I shunshinned behind Kiba, placing Tenshi against his neck. I was proud that I had turned it against him – even more so that he gave up. It was almost unreal, we had taken out the two more prominent members of the team!

That should have been my first clue that Karma wasn't truly on my side. I heard the buzzing a second to late – seeing that my vision was already failing me when I finally did. Shino. He had used my strategy against Kiba against me. Sneaky.

Gotta respect that.

#-#

* * *

Words, boasts. Loud and abrasive. There was tension. Anger. So much anger. Then a wall. A wall of emotion. Calming, soothing. I cracked an eye open, trying to see what was going on.

All I could see was the two figures. The taller one wore a white helmet, and dark blue clothes. He was built like a brick wall, if I was right. The shorter one was also wearing dark blue, but his head was uncovered and a mess of sandy brown hair was swaying with the same motions of his hands.

Kouji and Daichi. I smiled, even though I felt a bit roughed up. Kiba was probably going nuts with his claims of how he beat us, and those two were making sure he was kept at bay. They knew all about my sensory abilities after all, they probably didn't want all that negative energy reaching me.

"Ai-chan!" Hibari? When did she get here? I was sure that she was at the house training with Kosuke-san. I turned to find that both Hibari and Choco were tending to me, already rubbing some kind of salve into my skin – and injecting their own chakra into my system to help me get over my chakra fatigue quicker.

"h-hey." I greeted, halting though it was. My voice didn't want to work as well as it should, but that was probably not a bad thing at the moment.

"It would seem that Ai-sama is awake. Now we can get her home so she can freshen up." Kosuke-san? Jeez, what is this? A convention?! I sighed, not wanting to get riled up. Well, not any more than I already was.

I was helped up, with Hibari and Choco still holding me to stabilize me. I had long since given up on the hope they would care about my pride, so I just let things lie as they were. Besides, I didn't have the energy to argue with them. Maybe later.

Everyone was moving forward, but I wasn't really following where we were going just yet. I dunno, not really awake I guess. We passed Hinata, who nodded proudly – I suppose. Kiba was still grumbling something. But Shino… he… seemed almost pleased with me?

"A good match, Ai-san." He inclined his head slightly.

"It was. Your tactic was flawless." Not sure why, but I think saying that took what little energy I had left. I blacked out again. Not that it mattered, he won via a superior use of tactics. That was something I respect. Something I will always respect of him.

**End Chapter 16**

#-#

* * *

**_A/N: And there we have it! Chapter 16 is done after on Kami-sama knows how much time has passed! In the next chapter we have Naruto's return, but not in the way you are all probably thinking. You'll see what I mean when we get there._**

**_On a side note: there is a poll up! Everyone gets to vote on which summoning contract Ai is going to sign! And for those that votes on Ai's second element, you guys ROCK! _**

**_I would also like to take a moment to thank Elivira for Beta-ing for me. She's been a GREAT help! You rock girl :D_**


	17. Needing you, Love!

**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**

**Chapter 17 - Needing you, love**

**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**

**Heads up! Current leader of the Summoning Contracts is the Leopards! If you want to tip the scales, now is your chance. On my profile page you can find the link to the Poll and cast your vote! **

**As well, Elivira and want to thank all the readers. And a special thank you with love going out the the reviewers! I love you all!**

#-#

* * *

"Weapons and tools. These are things that most tend to take for granted, especially those just starting out, but good weapons and tools can save your life." I explained the class. Kouji and Daichi had to bail on today's lesson, so I had to entertain Iruka's class on my own this time.

"Take for example the shuriken. 'Shuriken' is more of a collective, being anything sharp that we tend to throw. There are more variations of shuriken than any other type of tool or weapon known." I walked over to the table I had set up before everyone came in. Scattered over it were dozens of items, all of them dangerous – if my opinion counted for anything.

"Now the most common variation is the four point star." I picked up one, showing it to the class – a no brainer if you asked me, because Iruka-sensei had informed me that he started teaching them to use that type. "It's fairly common throughout the Elemental Nations, but the metal used in its construction isn't. I'm not going to get too heavy on the details, but it is possible to tell where a shuriken was made or bought from the type of metal allow used in its construction."

All eyes were riveted on me as I went into the finer points of the basic shuriken. I was building it up to the less common ones, like the Three Great Shuriken – as Yun liked to call them. "-The Fuuma shuriken, from the Fuuma clan of Oto no Kuni. It's essentially just a giant version of the basic shuriken, but much heavier and sharper - a deadly tool if wielded properly- the Uchiha shuriken, which is unique to the Uchiha clan. One of the many secrets they guard is the unique jutsu they use it for." I showed them the curved the point shuriken that Sasuke was 'kind enough' to borrow me for the day. More like Sakura threatened the safety of his nuts – to put it mildly.

"And the final one is the windmill shuriken. Of the non standard variations, this one is the most famous. Often replicated by other blacksmiths, this is the brainchild of the Sengo clan dating back generations. It is best known for its ability to fly back to its wielder after being thrown." To prove my point I tossed that same shuriken over the heads of the students. Their shock and awe of watching it glide over their heads, feeling the wind buffeting them… I smiled at how easy they were to impress.

Still, the look on Ikue's face troubled me. It was as if she barely heard a single word I'd said – which was not something I could usually accuse her of. Normally she'd be hanging on every word as if I were inventing what I was explaining right in front of her. Kind of unnerving, but something I simply got used to.

And the fact that she had slapped the last girl that teased her… something was wrong with her. Unfortunately I had never gotten the opportunity to ask Iruka-sensei anything. Well, no time like the present.

#-#

* * *

"Do you even know what I was trying to explain?" I asked, trying and failing to keep the fire out of my tone. Ikue had been extremely out of character throughout the class. I didn't understand it in the least – normally she was the quiet one, the shy one. Instead she'd been kicking up trouble all day. I wanted to be concerned for the change, but all I felt was irritation!

With her classmates gone and Iruka-sensei choosing to keep order in that camp, Ikue had no hope of hiding what was wrong from me – irritation or no, I smelled trouble.

She didn't answer at first, seemingly thinking about what I asked. But the longer she remained silent, the louder the warning bells were screaming at me. Her chakra told a tale that I didn't want to believe – she was dying on the inside. Not the kind of dying that eventually actually kills you… no, the air about her spoke of the slowest form of torture I'd ever known.

Taking a giant step back, I looked at her posture. She shoulders were slumped, her eyes were haunted. Thinking back, she'd been dragging her feet the whole time. Every detail about her screamed of heartache and depression.

I didn't understand. "Ikue, what's wrong?" She clenched her fists, fighting to hold something in. She was fighting so hard that I doubted she even noticed that she was crying.

One foot in front the other, I closed the minimal distance between us. I wrapped my arms around her, hoping to tell her all the things she needed to know, all the things that words would never truly show. I wasn't too surprised when she clutched my shirt, refusing to let me go. It was as if she expected me to disappear any second.

It wasn't hard to figure the situation out at that point. I had gone through it with Daichi some years back, after all. I didn't want to put it into words though, knowing that her heart was likely already shattered. No, I'd wait for her to tell me. She'd never truly come to terms with it unless she said the words herself anyway…

It didn't make it any easier to feel her dissolving in her own tears, mind you. And the drawn out sobs that wracked her body didn't help much. What could I do though? She probably wouldn't be able to differentiate between one word and another. Well, I guessed that words didn't matter anyway, so I chose to make a soft shushing sound in hopes of letting her know that I was still there with her.

No matter how much things changed, or how much I had learned… my eloquence in dealing with others' emotions was still shit.

#-#

* * *

After walking Ikue home – she was staying with her aunt for the time being – I went to meet up with the guys. Little did I know what was waiting forme.

The second I set foot in training ground 8, shit hit the fan. "But sensei! We aren't ready for that type of thing yet!" Kouji was having a fit, and from the air surrounding Daichi, I guessed he wasn't far behind his best friend.

Shaking my head, I made my way over. I knew it wouldn't be long before I got dragged into this one way or the other. "Ai-chan! Tell sensei that we aren't ready to enter a blood bath!" Kouji begged. Looking at all three of them at the same time, I could see the guys' eyes a little shiner than usual – to the point of crying if my guess was right. And sensei was begging me with his eyes; he truly believed we needed to do this now.

"Tell me the mission first, then I'll make up my own mind." I said, trying to shake off the emotions Ikue had bathed me in not even ten minutes earlier. I sighed, knowing I wasn't going to like it either way.

"We received a mission from Hokage-sama to clear out a bandit camp. It's a simple C-rank that shouldn't take more than two days. If we leave before sunset, we should be back before you even have to give your next class." Sensei explained. I ignored Kouji announcing that sensei had practically begged Ka-san for the mission – I wasn't there when they picked up the mission scroll, so I couldn't be sure who did what.

"Estimated population of the camp?" Keeping it professional helped… sometimes.

"Fifty. Simple bandits who didn't feel like working the land anymore." Sensei replied. Yeah, we'd see about that.

"Known crimes?" This was the make or break on my decision, and I was sure sensei knew that.

"Theft, kidnapping, sixteen known murders to date..." Sensei paused, wondering if that was going to be enough. Sorry, but it wasn't. 'Clearing out a bandit camp', meant killing fifty people without mercy. I really wasn't in the mood to deal with something like that.

"Sorry, sensei. I won't take any part in this mission. If you wanted me to capture all fifty and bring them back here for interrogation to see who was guilty of what... then I'd say patience. But not for outright slaughter." I said. The guys let out a breath I'm sure they didn't know they were holding.

"Dragging back fifty unwilling bandits will be more trouble than it's worth." Sensei tried. I shrugged, not caring in the least. "Will it help if I tossed in that they killed the women they kidnapped?"

"…" That tossed me for a loop. If they kidnapped women… there was only one logical purpose for it. If they killed those same women… that means that they were hunting for, or already found more…

Even though that particularly disturbing train of thought shot my blood pressure sky high… it was still no excuse to slaughter fifty people. Evil people, maybe… but people none the less. "Fine, we'll do it your way. But you will kill anyone that tries to get away. Understood?"

I shrugged, still not giving into his demands. He wanted us 'blooded', as the slang went, as soon as possible – probably in preparation for the CSE in Kumo. Sorry, but I still had no interest in it.

"Thank Kami-sama!" Kouji just had to say something like that. "Jeez, what's the fascination with killing, sensei?!"

"Kooooooooooouji." I rounded on him, understanding sensei's point of view – even if I disagreed with it. "Sensei's trying to save your life, by arranging an easy and palatable first kill. That way you won't freeze up in a bad situation where he won't be there to save us."

Both boys gulped, suddenly remembering something. What that was, I didn't know. Maybe they were recalling how 'easily' I killed that Sound nin during the invasion. Maybe they were thinking about how 'well' I took it – I wasn't sure if they knew it was my second or not. Maybe they were thinking about their first, or maybe having to choose between my life and that of a known murderer. Who knew?

"I said I want no part in it, because I know what he's trying to do. It just has no added value to me and/or my training. I think you two should go." I told them. They looked at me like I had grown a second head.

"There is a slight problem, Ai." Sensei pointed out. "They won't be able to handle those numbers on their own."

"Not an issue. If you talk to Tekuno-sensei or Ebisu-sensei you can ask if their teams want to come along. They will need the same favor you're trying to give these two." I told him plainly. I really had no interest in this type of thing. Not in the least.

All three of them were looking at me a little funny. What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? "Something I said?"

"You'd let us do the killing?" Daichi seemed more than a little unsure of himself – or maybe just of me and my motifs.

I could tell him that I felt life was too precious to do these things. Or that my desire to heal refused to let me cause harm to people so callously. Or even that a part of me wanted to believe that some of the men that were in that bandit camp simply wanted to earn a living and feed their wife and kids – that maybe they could be saved, even if that other hope wasn't true. Or that I knew if we turned it down entirely, another team would be sent out and kill the men anyways.

Nah, they'd just think I was a big softy. And they'd be right.

"I'll discuss it. Wait here." And sensei was off. With nothing better to do, I took out a scroll and started reading. I did make a point of ignoring the questioning glares I was receiving. They wouldn't understand – not that I really blamed them for it.

#-#

* * *

Later that afternoon – sensei had taken far longer than I anticipated – Teams 7, 8 and 9 were in training ground 8. We huddled together, every person more nervous than the next.

I couldn't say I was nervous, simply because I didn't care. This all had nothing to do with me. "This was intended to be a mission for Team 7, but someone suggested it be offered as a joint mission to offer everyone the experience each of you will need."

All eyes were on me. I wasn't even looking at them, simply because I knew they'd react like that. "The reason I'm going along with that suggestion is because I agree with the logic behind it. Now the mission is to wipe out a camp of bandits, a simple and straightforward C-ranked mission. The reason you would each profit from this is to get your first kill out of the way."

Murmurs, whispers, gasps, cries of outrage and other responses I simply wished to forget the second they reached my ears. Everyone had their own way of deal with those words. Leave it to sensei to talk about all of this with the same tone he'd talk about the weather.

"Get your gear together, we leave in two hours." Tekuno-sensei got out, before giving his team a nod – whatever that was supposed to mean. Everyone left. Everyone but me, the senseis and Jei.

"So why do I get the feeling you're not going on this mission?" Jei asked. Authentically curious – I could tell he didn't actually know that yet.

"Because this is about a good first kill. I've already been there, so it's pointless." I said. The fact that I was glaring at Hayama-sensei had nothing to do with anything. I swear!

"A shame. It would have been cool to have my girl there to hold me after my first kill. You know how hard some people take it." I blushed at his words. Then I thought about how he'd feel, not having me there to help me through a rough milestone in his career. A part of me knew that he was just tossing the thought out there, hoping to convince me to come anyway.

I sighed. NOT telling Jei was probably the most tactful way for sensei to still bug me to tag along. "Walk me home?"

The senseis shrugged and took off, clearly not interested in the scene anymore. I rolled my eyes, but told him I had to check on Kouji and Daichi to make sure they were properly packed. I promised I come check his pack when I was done with the guys – he just stuck his tongue out at me, a smile in his eyes.

On the way to the guys' house, I couldn't help but envy Jei. He knew everything I knew about killing – other than how it really felt. And yet he wasn't scared at all. In some deep, dark corner of my mind, I knew that part of why I didn't want any part of this was the fear that I felt from killing.

There was a… sick and twisted pleasure I had felt, knowing that I had the power to kill someone far stronger than myself. That I could humble someone who thought they were invincible. I reveled in that feeling for a total of three seconds, before promptly spewing my lunch.

I feared giving into that sensation – the pleasure, not the gagging.

Iruka-sensei had told us once, during one of his far too wordy lectures, that there were many reasons to kill – far too many. He went on to say that the way we respond to killing was just as varied. As much as killing was part of our job description – yes, he said that in a standardized speech to a bunch of kids that weren't even guaranteed to be shinobi – there was no reason to enjoy it. He'd said that killing wasn't evil, but that feeling bad for taking the life of another was most definitely good.

We'd been conditioned to kill – though I had refused to go hunting with them on the grounds that I wouldn't be eating the meat anyway. We'd been taught some basic biology to know how to kill – funny how only the vital organs were ever discussed at length. We'd been trained to kill – anyone who'd passed the final exams in the academy knew at least thirty-seven ways to kill a person… it was on the test.

And I fucking hated it! With a passion! I hated having the guys ask me things that related to killing or death. I hated having to practice jutsus that were made to kill – or had them as a convenient side effect. I hated it!

Yet, I never could I bring myself to choose another path.

"Ai-chan…" Kouji's mother welcomed me into her home. She was a bit more subdued that she normally was – the guys must have tipped her off.

"Akamon-san." I bowed. It was hard to face her, knowing that her main comfort in sending the boys out on missions was that I would be there to take care of them.

"Kouji told me." She tried to sound understanding, but she was never the type to be able to hide what she felt. "And I really don't wanna make you do something you don't want to…" Here it comes.

"They'll be fine." I assured her, knowing she wouldn't listen.

"Daichi was almost in tears when he arrived." She began, clearly trying every angle she could just so she could rest easy knowing I'd be there. I knew what she was doing, and I knew why… but, "He didn't wanna say it, but he was thinking about his parents. How they'd died on a routine mission, just like this."

That's blackmail. Emotional blackmail. "They're going with three jounin. My not being there won't make them less safe."

"But who'll be there to hold my Kouji when he starts to cry? He's always been such a-" I stopped myself before I could groan. I knew this was coming up sooner or later. Kouji had apparently been a very emotional child, always wearing his heart on his sleeve. So she had tried talking him out of being a shinobi, to save him from missions just like this. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

"Please, Ai-chan… even if you don't take part in the mission itself. Even if you go just as back-up… just please… go with them." She begged. "Those jounin might save them from a kunai, but I wouldn't trust them to bring my baby back to me in one piece. Not emotionally."

"Akamon-san, you're baby is grown up. He's working hard to help around the house, helping to pay the bills. I know you want to think of-"

"_Please_." She interrupted, tears in her eyes. She got down on her knees, bowing so low that her forehead was kissing the ground. "_Please_, Ai." I could still hear the tears in the way her voice wavered.

I sighed, making my way around her to go upstairs. "…" Taking the first step, I could feel her worry, and her sorrow choking me. Taking the second step, I felt her husband going to her to comfort her. Taking the third, I heard her whispering that she was the one to talk Kouji's dad out of taking missions again to spare her heart from this exact scene.

Taking the fourth, I could hear him whispering that he understood and how he was proud of both his sons for their bravery and sense of honor. Taking the fifth, I heard her heart screaming how little she cared for those things – she wanted her family to be safe.

"I'll go." I caved. I felt that she was still worried – she always was the worrier – but there was a lining of comfort too.

"Thank you." The sincerity in their words meant a lot to me. I just wished… it didn't matter; I **had** to go through with this mission now.

#-#

* * *

Three teams. Nine genin. Three jounin. We were all standing around at the gate – all of them gazing at me. I rolled my eyes, not in the mood to offer my reasons – it'd just make Kouji and Daichi feel worse.

"Let's hit the road." I announced. Walking out the gate by myself, I briefly wondered who'd be the first to follow me. Not surprisingly, Kouji and Daichi themselves – they'd heard Kouji's parents thanking me profusely as we left. Jei was hot on their heels though.

After that, everyone kinda just fell into step as we headed out. It was the first mission we'd ever gone on together, but no one seemed to be happy about that. That was understandable.

Kouji and Daichi had their bows strung over their shoulders. Konohamaru, Moegi and udon wore their weapons similarly. Jei and his team seemed to be completely unarmed – other than the standard leg pouches. I knew Jei was likely carrying his new tanbo in his sleeves, so I wasn't too worried. Everyone wore their usual on-duty gear, wearing their game faces to match.

And me? I was dressed in a komon kimono I bought specifically for missions. It was a deep burgundy, with the kanji for 'Iki', as its repetitive pattern. 'Breath'. Breath signified life and living to me, as it did all healers. Still, the others probably thought that I was on a vacation or something, seeing as I had my bright red umbrella with me as well. No, not the one I got from Kujaku – I still hadn't really practiced with that umbrella. No, this was the original one I got with Tenshi.

Only my team knew just how prepared I was for this mission, regardless of how it looked.

It wasn't long before Hayama-sensei took the lead, showing us where we had to go. We took to the trees the first chance we got. I wasn't surprised when everyone else was hopping from branch to branch right along with us. Sure, it wasn't really covered in the academy, but it was basic enough. We were going at a decent speed as well, but it was obvious that sensei wasn't pushing us as hard as he usually did. He probably didn't know how far he could push the others – not that I was complaining.

An hour went by before the first complaints started rolling in. Moegi was the first to whine that her legs were killing her and Udon added that he was hungry. Konohamaru told them to suck it up and that he wasn't going to let them get soft on him – I really had to wonder if Ebisu was training them at all with the blatant difference in skill between the three of them.

Well, I'd just have to talk to Konohamaru about stepping up their training. Either he'd do it, or I'd do it myself! It only took one weak moment in a strong team to get everyone killed, and I promised Naruto-nii I'd keep an eye on Konohamaru for him.

Another hour passed, and Udon and Moegi were really starting to lag behind. Had we been going at a slower pace, I'm sure they could have lasted for at least another four hours… but sensei just wasn't the type of man to not find the limits he needed to teach you to surpass.

He'd made a point of showing, not telling, Ebisu-sensei where he was lacking as a sensei – seeing that only his two 'non favorite' students were panting. Even Matsuri, a Nara, wasn't complaining about how hard sensei had been pushing us. If my guess was correct, then Tekuno-sensei was every bit the slave driver as Hayama-sensei.

I passed dinner around for everyone, making sure to offer twice as much water to Udon and Moegi. They were grateful, I knew they were… but I could sense how cry crumby they felt for being the weakest of the bunch. I whispered in Moegi's ear that I'd help her train harder when we got back to Konoha – right before shooting a nasty glare at Ebisu. He just righted his shades, trying to act unimpressed.

Asshole.

#-#

* * *

The next morning, sensei was on a mission. And no, not the mission we were already on. He was on a mission to show Ebisu just how far off the mark he truly was with how he was training his students.

He'd ordered Moegi to climb on his back and Tekuno-sensei took Udon, and we were off. This time… we were REALLY OFF! Even though my kimono was restricting, I had little trouble keeping up – well… less trouble than Konohamaru. Jei and his team were actually keeping up better than me, but so were Kouji and Daichi – I pinned it on the kimono. I will admit though, the shock and embarrassment oozing off Ebisu was gratifying.

Then, sensei decided to lay it on a little thicker. We started out usual game of 'shunshin or die', and once again, both Jei's team and mine were keeping up without a problem. Konohamaru was too, which was another mystery to Ebisu – my guess was that Saru-ji-chan taught his grandson that jutsu.

We made it to the bandit's camp before noon. That shocked Ebisu the most, I think. The fact that seven genin could handle this grueling a pace was unheard of for him, even though he had been training Konohamaru for years. "The trick, Ebisu, is to train them harder each and every day." Tekuno-sensei said, after telling us all to rest and recuperate.

"Ai, I'm going to need you to scout the area. Take Kouji and Daichi with you, just in case." Hayama-sensei nodded towards the camp. It was still a good three kilometers further up, but I had a fairly good view of the goings on – a sign of bad planning on the part of the bandits.

"You don't want an initial opinion?" I teased. Still, I nodded to the guys and we were off.

I took in everything I could, making sure to take meticulous notes of their rounds, routes, where I could hear people on stairs from behind the wall, where I heard ladders. They were at least smart enough not to have any windows, but it mattered little since we could just climb the wall.

Then… I heard something. Further up, I could hear someone screaming! I ran towards the sound – still making sure to move completely soundlessly. We came up to a portion of the wall that encircled the came – there was no difference between this part and any other part, seeing it was all made of thick but long tree trunks tied together.

I place my ear against the log, focusing on my hearing as best I could. There was a most definite female shriek! I focused harder, trying to discern what was going on in there. There was one male, one female. He was… in his thirties, heavy set, civilian level chakra reserves. His chakra was laden with lust though.

She was… in her teens, lithe, also civilian level chakra reserves. She… was scared out of her wits. I had just stumbled onto another of their crimes as it was taking place – she was likely being raped.

"Kouji, head back to the others and tell them everything we've found out so far. Tell sensei that the best entrance is going to be right here." I said, already taking Tenshi out. "Be as stealthy as you can, but speed is more important. Go."

To his credit, Kouji didn't even blink. He did as he was told, without reservation. I respected him just a little more for that. "Daichi, we're going in. Signs only. I'll take out the worst of them, but if you notice I missed one take the shot. Incapacitation is preferred, but not required." Daichi nodded, grabbing his bow and notching an arrow to it.

I took one last look at this Daichi. It would only be a matter of time before this innocent, gentle spirited boy was no more – and I now had a hand in changing him. How long would it be before there was nothing left of the boy that had become one of my closest friends… before all that was left was a hardened shinobi with no soul?

I sighed. A tear was already cascading down my cheek, not just for my friend and what he was about to experience… but for the man I was about to kill.

Clicking Tenshi into her snake form, I lashed at the wood before me in a wide arc. There was no immediate effect, so I kicked at the wall. Three of the logs gave in partially, creating a crude door.

Looking in, I saw the two I had identified by their chakra over in one corner. Only… what I saw… what their chakras didn't reveal… her body was practically being crushed under his. And neither was wearing a stitch of clothing.

Death was too good for this man.

I came up with a plan as fast as I could, then shunshinned right next to her and clapped my hand over her mouth to keep her from shouting. Just as he was about to shout out something in surprise, I jerked Tenshi into his mouth, tilting her so that I would sever his brainstem – ignoring my own tears. I kicked at his corpse, letting him fly out the door I'd just made.

Lifting myself part way, so that I could take stock of her condition, I noticed she was bleeding between her legs, but only a little. She'd lost her virginity to that beast. A girl's most prized possession taken against her will – and she couldn't be any older than fifteen.

Her eyes met mine. Her despair, her self loathing… her broken spirit… that's all I could see in her now. The only emotions she had left in her were dark and looming, like she shut herself off, like she had already died but her heart just wouldn't stop beating.

"don't make any noise. we won't hurt you." I whispered into her ear. "do you understand?" When she nodded, I slowly took my hand off her mouth. Her face was nothing short of gorgeous. I mean, she was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen.

I got up, after deciding she wasn't going to give us away. I undid my obi, tossing my belt pouches to Daichi to hold for the moment. Then I opened my kimono, revealing my uniform under it. I motioned for the girl to stand, but wasn't too surprised when she just stared at me blankly.

I wrapped her in my kimono, tying the obi around her to restore at least a little of her decency. Our eyes met once again, her tears matching my own. And she latched onto me like I was sent by the kami themselves.

The others arrived, taking in the scene. I ignored them, just life I was ignoring the scent of blood that hung heavy in the air. Wordlessly, I motioned for Daichi to hand over my pouches.

**#They die today**.**#** I signed for everyone to see, not bothering to hide or wipe away my tears. This was why I wanted nothing to do with this mission. This was why I preferred to simply stay in Konoha.

It was a moot point. I was already waist deep in the mission, and my resolve to repay these _men's_ _kindness_… well, let's just say that this wasn't going to be pretty.

**#Strategy?#** I signed to sensei, forcefully reminding myself to not leak any killing intent. They wouldn't be allowed a half a chance to get away from my fury.

#-#

* * *

The plan seemed so simple in theory. However, theory doesn't always translate well into reality. Team 7 (us) was tasked with taking out the guards on the walls. We were given fifteen minutes before Team 8 (Jei) would shunshin into the center of the clearing to center all attention there. They would be the main attack force, and we would back them up. Which was fairly sound, seeing that we were the only ones with any long range weapons.

Konohamaru, Udon and Moegi were tasked with something else entirely, something I didn't envy them for in the least. They were supposed to wipe out the bandits in their sleep.

Seriously, they had to locate where they slept and slit their throats before they woke up. Ebisu was sent with him – as penance for fucking up with training his team. Once they had done that, they were to locate any and all prisoners – no clue how many they'd find though.

I looked out the doorway that I'd soon be slipping through. We had fourteen minutes and thirteen seconds left, and we'd need every second of it. So I tossed caution to the wind and signed for Kouji to lead the way. Daichi would be taking up the read.

Immediately to the right of the door was a staircase that would lead us up to the wall. I followed Kouji up, taking two stairs at a time. Luckily I had switched to my shinobi sandals for this. There is nothing stealthy about geta – never was and never will be.

Two guards were chatting about something I didn't care to identify at the top of the stairs. I motioned for Kouji to take them out. He hesitated.

He wouldn't get a second chance, and neither would those men. To guard a place like this… they were guilty by association. I took out Tenshi, clicked her into her snake form again and wrapped her around their necks in one swift motion. By the time they even registered what was happening, I'd already heard a telltale snapping sound. I dropped them off the side of the wall, so they'd fall outside the camp, my free hand making a seal as I prayed their soul would find the rest they'd denied their victims.

Before moving on, I punched Kouji's thigh – he didn't even ask what it was for. We skulked further down the gangway, keeping as low as possible. Luckily – and once again thanks to their poor planning – there were walls just high enough for us to keep out of sight on both sides of the gangway. That meant that we wouldn't be seen easily, but we had to be twice as cautious about being heard.

Seeing that the entire camp… fortress… whatever, was a big circle, we didn't have the advantage of hiding around the corner. Kouji counterbalanced this nicely when he cast a genjustu to keep us out of sight, that boy was useful in every sense of the word – dorky as hell though.

I heard another two guards chatting about the 'bitch' they shared last night. They were just making their way up the stairs, walking directly towards us. Unfortunately, the genjutsu hadn't effected my hearing… it might have saved their lives. I signed to the guys, offering them a go. They hesitated once again. I didn't care, I just walked up to the two guards…

Hmm, they were on the tall side so they would be seen from the inner ward… or the courtyard… or whatever they called the wide open space downstairs where walking corpses would soon lose the 'walking' part of their epithet.

I focused a little harder, trying to sense who was paying attention to the two of them. Unfortunately, no one seemed to be very alert in here. I took out Shin, flicked her open and in one clean motion I slit their throats and used the momentum to spin and kick them off the side and down to meet their comrades in the wilds.

Making my customary handseal, I prayed for their souls to find rest. I doubted it, but prayers had their own reasons. I kicked both boys in their ankles that time – I hated killing just as much, if not more… so why was I the only one doing it?!

"What the…" Shit! I turned around, cursing my inner monologue for distracting me! One guy was looking up from the courtyard below, and most have seen what happened. Or something like that.

I turned towards the sound, trying to piece everything together before shit went really, really wrong. And what did I see? Ame and Matsuri flinging kunai at the masses down below like there was no tomorrow! There was no way in hell the fifteen minutes was already up!

I stored that thought away for later, looking around to locate Jei. He wasn't with his team, that meant he had a plan of some sort. And his plans weren't always that brilliant – a constant source of friction between him and Matte-chan.

And sure enough, I found Jei moments before he grabbed a hammer and whacked the bell that was meant to warn all the bandits for this exact type of thing. He was in effect telling the bandits that we were there to kill them!

He was going to get his ass kicked the second this mission was dealt with!

Like I figured would happen, bandits were pouring into the clearing from wherever the hell they were hiding – practically swamping us! I grit my teeth, telling the guys to keep safe and I jumped down into the fray. I didn't want to, but leaving Matte-chan to fend for herself went against my principles!

All I could see around me were bandits! And from the feel of their chakra, Ame and Matsuri were freaking out! I grit my teeth, wondering what was really going on! Too bad I didn't have the time to analyze shit! So I just sliced my way through to my comrades, grabbed them and tossed them the hell out of the fray!

Just in time to see Jei jumping out to catch them and help them land semi-properly – there wasn't much I could expect given the situation. I bent over backwards, ducking under a sword that was aiming to give me a new hole to breathe from, slicing around me in a wide arch.

Jei jumped down nearby as well, having secured his teammates where the bandits wouldn't likely reach them. He tore into those that surrounded him – vaguely resembling a raging bull. It was a shame I finally got to see him truly fight in a time that I couldn't admire his skill.

Taking Tenshi into my left hand and clicking her into her snake form, and taking Shin into my right hand, flicking her open and loading both bays full with needles… I started a dance that would haunt me for life.

A dance I would later name the Shi no Buyo… the dance of death.

Tenshi was twirling around me, slicing into anything that came too close, while I was using Shin to snipe off anyone that looked like they were trying something. Every move I made spilled someone's blood. Every interval of time ended with another notch on my 'kill list'…

By the time I was done, I looked around me. My head was spinning, and not from dizziness. I flicked Shin closed. I flicked Tenshi this way then that – to remove any… _foreign substances_ on her – clicked her back into her sword form and resheathed her.

After that I did the worst thing I could possibly do: I took a deep breath. The scent of freshly shed blood… the smell of what used to be in someone's bowels… all three separate and unique scents of someone's bowels mind you… and that wasn't even including the other unique scents that signified another vital fluid from another part of the human body…

The only word I got use to describe what assaulted my nose was gore. That was the point the world went black.

#-#

* * *

Dinnertime. The senseis had gone all out for the meal. One of them went hunting. One of them gathered fruit and some potatoes. One of them gathered some… leaves? He claimed they were spices.

Too bad no one was eating. The fragrance of the meal did nothing to wipe away the… nevermind. I didn't feel like going down that road again. Ever. I had already promised myself I would spend a month at the temple to cleanse my spirit of all that blood. I would start doing shifts at the hospital as well to help heal twice as many as I had ki-

I shook my head, trying to stave off that trail of thought – Kami-sama only knew how many times I'd done so since the camp.

I felt dirty. And no matter how hard I scrubbed my skin, no matter that I had changed into a different set of clothes, or how much the girls we rescued thanked us… I felt dirty.

Yes… the girls we recued! Maybe thinking about them will help? Let's see, the one I first met… her name was Shige. Shi… death…

She's fifteen, the daughter to some farmers that the bandits had been harassing for months. They were killed the night she was kidnapped. Killed… just like-

She had three brothers, who had joined the local militia to protect their village from the bandits. One of the senseis contacted them already and were scheduled to arrive sometime tomorrow to pick up the girls.

I looked at the Shige as she ate. Her face was still pretty bruised up, but it was far better than it had been. I simply didn't have the mental capacity to use Iryou Ninjutsu to help heal her better – not that she minded, she was plenty grateful to be free. Though there was still a melancholy air about her. Deciding that maybe helping her cope might help me cope, I walked over to her.

"How are you holding up?" I asked. She jumped a little, clearly startled. When she saw me, she calmed down immediately.

"I'm fine. Just a little jumpy." She went on to explain what happened the night she was kidnapped. Something about how her father reacted, and her mother tossed a pan… or something like that. I had trouble listening, though I'd heard every word. The gist of it was that she was coming to terms with the situation – poorly in her eyes, but she was doing better than I.

"-really, I can't thank you enough for what you've done." She hugged me, trying to offer all her thanks and gratitude in the forbidden gesture. She was thanking me for slaughtering a group of people? She was happy that their lives had ended – that I was the one that dropped the guillotine?

I squirmed out of her grip, aimed for the nearest shrub and took a front row seat to the _Fashion Star comeback tour_! One day only!

The difference in the air was immediately apparent. The civilians were all looking at me funny, wondering what was wrong… but my friends, my comrades… my fellow shinobi and kunoichi…

Their guilt and understanding meshed all too well, for the first time in history. I felt Jei make his way over to me, rubbing the small of my back gently, soothingly. I think of everyone there, only he truly understood what I was going through.

Soft murmurs reached my ears, but I couldn't make out the words he used. All I knew was that his voice wrapped me in a warm blanket. Once I was sure I my stomach had nothing left to be squeezed out, I buried my face in his chest. I couldn't face the world. I didn't want to see the confused, but guilty look on… what's-her-name's face. I didn't want to see the hopeless-but-still-trudging-on look on Daichi's face. Or the I'm-messed-up-right-now-but-I'll-be-fine-by-morning look on Kouji's face. Or the lost innocence look on Matsuri's face…

Fuck. I'd already seen all their looks anyway. The air about them just slapped me with the mental image over and over again. Unable to hold it back any longer, the world dissolved in my tears. I tried to tell Jei how I felt, but even I couldn't make sense of the jumbled mess rolling off my tongue.

Heaven only knew how long this scene would haunt me, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I may or may not have heard someone muttering something, but I could swear it sounded like:

"Kanashigetou indeed."

#-#

* * *

I woke up feeling uncomfortable. I couldn't quite figure out why I was, but it felt like I was being mashed between two warm pillows? Unfortunately, I was still in the 'awake but comatose' phase before I actually wake up, so my cluelessness wouldn't end just yet.

Instead, I got to enjoy the flashbacks of all that happened during the day. The warmth that tainted me drop by drop. The hollow look in the eyes of the men that fell by my hands. Knowing that Kouji and Daichi were going through the same thing I was, and I was too busy wrapped up in my own world to even notice.

That last thought made me feel even guiltier than I had when I fell asleep. I had been so worn out yesterday that I probably didn't even hear the boys when they cried out in the middle of the night. Didn't I promise I'd look out for them? Wasn't I supposed to hold them when they wanted to cry, to scream? It was my duty to be there for them if ever they needed me, so why couldn't I just get over myself and do it?

The truth hit me just when I wanted it least: I was too weak. I simply wasn't mentally strong enough to get up and soldier on. How could I claim to their mother that I was going to protect them, when I couldn't even-

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kouji! Not caring about what I was going on about, I jumped out of my restful state – apparently I'd slept between Matsuri and Moegi – and I dashed out of the one person tent we had been sharing.

Following Kouji's wailing, I found him thrashing about in his tent a ways up. I didn't care what was going on, I just dove in – if anyone was worth taking on another few dozen bandits, Kouji was.

What I found was… heartbreaking. Kouji just lay there in his futon, sweating up a storm. There was a look of horror on his face and he was holding a mute conversation with someone only he could see. His hands were strangling his pillow, his sheets tossed off him callously.

He looked so small, so helpless… so scared. The only problem was I couldn't risk waking him – shinobi were usually hyperaware during and after missions, so his brain was trained that any unexpected movement was likely the enemy's. Still, I had to do something!

I shoved him, forcing my onto his back properly then grabbed both his hands at the wrist. His eyes shot open, but the cold calculations there weren't his conscious mind – he was on auto-pilot. He was fighting back with more than just all his strength! And that boy was already strong! A little known fact is that a stable mind never allows full use of any muscle in the body – it reserved that for the fight or flight response, which explained why people found a strength they didn't know they had.

"It's alright, Kouji. It's me." I soothed. He stopped thrashing about, tears welled up in the corners of his eyes. "I'm here, okay?" I let his wrists go, letting him bury his face in my bosom. They might not have been much, but they were enough to comfort him.

As intimate as it was, I knew he didn't mean anything by it. He was just a little boy that needed a mothering hug to chase away the monster under his bed. That he was crying the entire time helped too.

#-#

* * *

The night dragged on. I didn't even bother lying to my self that I was going to get any sleep. I was too busy trying to piece my heart back together, so even guarding myself from the Moltov cocktail of emotions in the camp surrounding me…

Well… I could still only think the families that would never get to see the men I killed. The mothers that would be grieving their sons. The sisters that would never see their brothers. The wives that would never cuddle with their husbands. The daughters that would never hug their fathers.

And it was **my** fault.

They'd said, 'never look into the eyes of someone you kill'. They said that because you'd see what it feels like to die – the fear, the hopelessness, the anger… pain is almost pointless at that point. Pain meant you're alive. It's when the pain receded, when you no longer felt that there was a gaping hole in your chest. That's when you'd know.

Only, what could I have done? I didn't need to look into their eyes. Their emotions were clear as day, even with my eyes forced shut. I could feel their minds slipping away. I could feel their hearts beat their last. I felt their spirit leaving them, their chakra receding into the background. Whatever that moment could be described as, I felt it. And not once… but a dozen times over.

Each slash of Tenshi brought the sensation to the forefront of my mind. Each senbon launched from Shin. Each movement. I caused pain, suffering… and ultimately death. I took away the right to continue living. I killed.

"Ai?" A voice asked. I knew I wasn't in any danger, simply because Sensei was nearby. Beyond that, I simply didn't care. I was too busy with my inner turmoil to care about anything that was not directly involving me – or at least, not currently freaking anyone out.

" Ai-chan…?" I turned to the source of the voice – Kouji. His eyes were haunted. He looked… fragile. Unshed tears were collecting in the corners of his eyes. One look at Daichi told me he wasn't doing much better.

I let my eyes wander back to the fire I'd been staring at for the past few hours. I wondered for a moment if I ignored them long enough, maybe they would just let me be… I doubted it, though. "Yeah?"

Neither boy spoke. They just sat next to me, Daichi on my right, Kouji on my left. There was a sense of comfort in that action – them sitting close by – a sense of familiarity, even in the uncomfortable situation.

Moving slowly, I slipped my arms under my knees – essentially hugging my thighs to my chest – and hid my face in my legs. I wasn't quite in the mood to face the world, and I doubted that would change any time soon.

The guys scooted closer to me. It was hard to tell if they were seeking comfort, or trying to offer it. They came close enough to just barely not rub shoulders with me, and the emotion they were emitting? Sadness and understanding.

They finally understood what I was saying back in Konoha. They finally understood why I had refused to tag along in the first place. And they finally understood why Kouji's mom begged me to come along. Jounin senseis were notorious for letting students find their own way emotionally – something of a test of character.

But more than that… they finally understood that becoming a shinobi was a life sentence – or a death sentence, depending on what eventually killed you. It was sobering, if nothing else.

I just sat there. The guys were focused on their own troubles, so none of us were very talkative. Kouji and Daichi had already gotten their freak outs out of the way, and Konohamaru was probably over… there somewhere with Ebisu working out his. Moegi and Udon hadn't lasted more than an hour after the fighting stopped to freak out – not that I blamed them.

Ame cried, but was fine afterwards – making me wonder what kind of emotional training he'd been through with his family. And Matsuri… well, I'd talked her through the worst of hers – logic was a defined Nara trait, which she had in spades.

Everyone had been accounted for in their freak out session. Everyone but Jei. That worried me. He'd gotten in just as much… action… as me. There was no way he'd been unaffected.

I spied him out of the corner of my eye. He was talking to Tekuno-sensei – both of them uncharacteristically serious. The temptation to go talk to him was there, but in the background.

To show how messed up I was, I couldn't even sense what anyone was feeling around me. My sensory skills were on the frits. I did however notice Jei eyeing me cautiously. Heaving a sigh, I turned back to the fire. All the while, I wondered what possessed Ka-san to agree to this mission.

#-#

* * *

The next morning it rained. I don't know why it did – there were no clouds all night or the day before. Logically it shouldn't have rained. And yet… it did.

I loved the rain. I loved how clean the air smelled while it was raining. I loved how the water cleansed everything it touched. I even loved the chill in the air. I loved the rain.

The civilians surrounding me were muttering some form of complaint – they'd be leaving soon enough, so I ignored them. My comrades were a lot more understanding about mother nature's need for rain. In fact, there isn't a shinobi alive that disliked the rain. Well, unless they were trying to track someone at that point in time.

Gazing up at the clouds, I allowed the rain to purify my blood stained hands. I let the water claim me.

"You're in a good mood." Jei whispered behind me, his sarcasm hard to miss. I sensed him close by, but he seemed unwilling to get too close. I turned to him, offering a little, unsure smile. I motioned for him to come closer. Then I turned back to the sky.

His arms were around my middle soon enough. His warmth engulfed me, soothed me… healed me.

I sighed… feeling my problems being washed away, feeling Jei's gentle warmth filling me up. I sighed again, contented this time. His arms tightened ever so slightly, hugging me just a little closer. All I could do was hold onto him. Even though all I could reach were his arms…

"You didn't call for me last night." I tried not to sound disappointed or upset, really I did. But that he was plagued with nightmares bad enough for him to wake up in a cold sweat at least twice… "I felt most of it."

I didn't know what I expected him to feel, but guilt wasn't it. What's more, his guilt was intensifying with each second. "you had enough to deal with."

My eyes flickered towards Kouji and Daichi. Anger flared, mixing with the left over emotions that had been bothering me since… "Don't you **dare** blame your pride on th-"

He squeezed me a little tighter, nibbling on my earlobe. I refused to let him sidetrack me like that this time – it seemed to be becoming a theme with him. "while in the field, they are what helps keep you alive." His whispered right into my ear. It was a message only I was meant to hear – just not the words… his tone... the way he held me just a little tighter…

He was begging whatever Kami he prayed to that I would be spared from the fate we had meted out.

No longer able to be angry with him, all I could do was turn and embrace him. Well, that and cry. Tears as innumerable as the raindrops. I just grabbed him tighter, held him closer. I clung to him, hoping that he could somehow… save me from the kunoichi I was becoming.

#-#

* * *

Half the day had already passed. The girls had been collected by the local militia. We had an emotional (on their part, not ours) parting, Shige promised to look me up in Konoha if she was ever in the area to thank me properly – her brother did as well.

I tried to console the phantom warmth of blood of my hands with the scene of the two hugging like there would be no tomorrow – there almost wasn't. It didn't work though, not completely. Still, I took some consolation in the fact that we had done some good.

Anyway, there was no point in lingering on the past – or so I kept reminding myself. I shook off what I could of my depressing emotions and started trying to heal the troops. There were no physical injuries – even with nine to fifty odds, the bandits were outclassed – but the emotional ones were usually the hardest to heal.

"So, guys!" I chirped, willing away the dark clouds that had settle on us. Strangely the rain seemed to leave us be as well. "Who feels like an actual meal for lunch?!" There were some mumbled replies, but no one said no. So I started dishing out tasks – someone had to hunt for some meat (for the others), someone had to gather some herbs, another was sent to gather any fruits that were in the area. I made sure everyone had a task to do.

My job? I was keeping an eye on everyone at once. The senseis tried to hide their approval of my tactic, but only Hayama-sensei offered me a smile. Anyway, point being, we had something to do! Something we all valued to some extent, so we all tried to do it well.

I did my best to ignore that each of the senseis had disappeared for a short spell – they had headed into the bandit camp, and I sensed both a jutsu being cast… and the smell of burnt flesh…

Anyway! Food! Yes, food! Something worth focusing on. Hmm, Matsuri-chan had brought back some decent sized apples. Kouji had a deer, which he was busy cleaning over that way – not far enough for my tastes though. Daichi had half a dozen fish – I didn't remember sending him for fish, but I wasn't going to complain.

Jei was keeping busy with something Tekuno-sensei told him and Konohamaru to do. Udon had some… mint? Yup, definitely mint. We were having some mint tea later.

Ummm, Moegi was over that way. I had sent her after some berries she thought she'd spotted, and judging from her happiness I guessed she'd found the mother load.

Ame was digging up some potatoes and carrots sensei thought he'd be able to find. I could tell from his concentration that he was working hard enough. And Naruto was there, empty handed and looking at me expectantly. Didn't everyone have a task to-

Wait a minute? "Naruto?" I blinked. Then I blinked again. I shook my head. Something wasn't adding up. At all. I shook my head, still not really believing what (or who, really) I was seeing. "Nii-san?"

Sure enough, there he stood. At least two heads taller than me, wearing a dull orange jacket and matching thick pants. The Konoha hitae-ate, the wild blond hair. The hoody was new though. He just stood there, smiling at me. He held out his arms, beckoning me to him. "Can't I get a hug from my little sister?"

He didn't need to say that twice! I glomped him asking a thousand questions in under a minute. I couldn't remember half of them myself, so I couldn't care less if he even understood me!

"It's good to see you too, Imouto-chan." He petted my hair, obviously telling me to shut up for a second so he could talk.

"What are you even doing here, Nii-san?" A dark cloud passed over him. One as dark as, or darker than, the one I'd been avoiding all day.

"We need to talk." He petted my head once more, walking towards Hayama-sensei without another word.

#-#

* * *

Food was put aside. Hayama-sensei, Tekuno-sensei, Ebisu-sensei and myself were on one side, with Naruto-nii and Jiraiya-sama on the other. The others were still back at the camp, eating. I wasn't sure why I needed to be in on this meeting, but I was positive I wasn't going to like it.

"Our intel suggests that-" Jiraiya-sama. I remember being in the same room as him a dozen times at least. I had always been impressed with his skills, but his blatant flippancy always rubbed me the wrong way, so I avoided him if I could. There was none of that now. There was only the man worthy of being of the Densetsu no Sannin. He was pointing at things on his map, telling us things that were majorly important. I only half listened, figuring I would go over his words again later.

Eventually he finished his monologue, turning to Naruto-nii expectantly. "So this camp will actually act as the forward guard base for the ANBU. We've been busy getting new bases all the time so that no one knows exactly where they'll be. And seeing as how we already took out-" Yeah, interesting. But not really. I just trusted my training under Iruka-sensei to help me remember what was said when I actually am in the mood to care.

"So basically we need to get all three genin teams to Kumo for the CSE in order to flush out the Iwa teams that are meant to aid Oto?" Sensei asked. Huh? What the fuck?

I filtered through the conversation again, trying to figure out where the world went to hell. Hmm, Jiraiya was talking about procured bases along the boarder of the Fire Country, and about the missions they'd been sending Konoha to clear out newer, but less important ones.

Naruto-nii was talking about the war that's been going on between Konoha's ANBU and the Sound Country – I didn't even know we were at war. He also mentioned that Oto (Sound) had turned to Iwa for aid against Konoha, and were going to use the CSE in Kumo to solidify the alliance by making both Kumo and Konoha 'look stupid'?

"Fuck. My. Life." I cursed, finally understanding what the hell was going on. I had planned on going to Kumo either way, but not for this!

"There's more. Ai is going to be the main target. Tsunade-hime nearly hit the roof when she found out." Jiraiya announced, watching me a little closer. So that's why I had to be part of this meeting.

The weight of everyone's attention being centered on me… it was almost too much. I could even sense Jei just out of sight, listening carefully. They must have known as well, but let him listen in. "So? What's the plan?" I asked.

"That depends on you, Ai." Jiraiya answered, crossing him arms. I watched him a little closer. "There are two options. One is where you go to Kumo with us watching your back. You claim the Kumo boy as your own and we take out the idiots in the middle of their plot."

He paused, easing his gaze on me enough for me to know that I wasn't going to like the next option. "The other is where you stay in Konoha, where you are safe. You give up your boy toy, and can go about your life in any way you see fit." I tensed immediately.

"I'd sooner _whore_ myself out to **Iwa**." I ground out. I honestly couldn't tell what had upset me more. Letting everyone down… or losing Jei. It didn't matter though, because that was a path that was tossed out on it's ass.

Well… no where to go but forward…

End Chapter 17

#-#

* * *

_**A/N: And there we have it, Chapter 17! Naruto is back in the picture, but it seems that there is so much going on that Ai was clueless about. Well, let's see how she copes with everything in the next chapter. **_


	18. I am here

_**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**_

_**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**_

**_Chapter 18 – I am here_**

**_#-#_**

* * *

Time was a funny thing. Not a 'haha' kind of funny, or even a good funny. The word I would use for it would quicker be... 'fickle'. Fickle. Yup, that was how time seemed. Screwed up, soft in the head, forgot to take its medication... yup, that's time in a nutshell.

We'd made it back to Konoha in what Hayama-sensei described as 'record time'... but it felt like days – perhaps even years – had passed since... _that_ event. That event was quickly labeled as taboo, and no one needed informing on the matter. The gate guards nodded to us, their eyes lingering on we genin a bit longer than normal. There was an undertone of understanding and respect lining the air about them.

"Everyone, go home and rest. I will report to Hokage-sama." Hayama-sensei announced. The mood in our group didn't improve. Still, most trickled off into the direction of their home. Most, of course, didn't include Jei, Kouju and Daichi. "At ease. I'll take Ai to Tsunade-sama myself."

"Sensei, we ain't going nowhere without Ai!" Kouji announced, completely ignoring sensei's indirect order. "And even **if** you convince Daichi and me, Jei sure as hell ain't gonna take no for an answer." Though I knew that logically it was just another coping mechanism – I should know – I couldn't help but wonder when he started cursing. I sighed, feeling just that much more worn out than before.

I honestly didn't even feel like listening to what was said next. I just started walking. My feet knew where my heart needed me to be, so I left the destination to them. From time to time I would cast my senses about me – a routine so ingrained that I barely ever thought about it anymore.

Daichi was on my right. Kouji was on my left. Jei… Jei was… I sighed. Jei was following close by, but not close enough to offer my frazzled nerves any peace.

To be fair, snuggling with Jei was unlikely to offer me anything other than more negative emotions to deal with. The same typhoon of emotion battering my once clear, blue skies… they plagued him as well. Being with him was nice, but being miserable right alongside him could only comfort me so much.

We entered through the front door. The main hall was always busy. Teams of all ranks and specialties were heading out for their missions, or just making it back. Familiar faces too.

I paid none of them any mind – my heart wouldn't let me. Through the door to the back and up the stairs I went. Up to the third floor, through another door and to my right, my feet guided me on. Down the hall, take a left, through an archway that served as a check point (not that anyone would even know that) and around another corner.

My heart was beating a million miles a minute. I suddenly began wondering how she would react. Would she be happy with me? Would she be upset? Would the medic in her be put out because I killed? Would the Hokage in her react as badly to my emotional reaction to completing my mission? Would the commander in her tell me to go home and rest? Or would the mother in her take me into her arms and never let me go?

Kami-sama, I wanted her to hold me. I wanted her to tell me how proud she was of me, that she loved me enough to look past what I'd done. I wanted to feel her love wrapped around me like a blanket against the winter's snow. I-

"That door won't open itself." Hayama-sensei brought my mind back to the present. Shaking away the last of my mood, I noticed that my hand was poised to knock on Ka-san's door. Poised, but unmoving. Too boot, I was holding my breath longer than was healthy for me – I was probably turning blue.

Taking a deep breath (for more reasons than jus calming down), I drew back my fist and tapped it against her door three times.

"Enter." She was all business. Fuck! That meant there would be some retarded fucktard, bitch ass son of a-

Taking a deep breath, I opened the door. From that angle I could only see Ka-san – or maybe my heart was controlling my vision and blocking everything else out – so I moved inside. There was a faint hint of joy in the air about her, very faint. Right alongside worry.

"Ah, Ai, welcome back." Ka-san announced, a smile ghosting over her features for a fraction of a second. Another step forward revealed Danzo to be her current appointment – one I was certainly willing to interrupt.

I didn't trust my voice, so I just nodded to her. Shuffling noises told me that the guys were lining up nearby. Just don't ask me where. I stood at attention, ignoring sensei's report. The whole time, my eyes stared out in front of me. Eventually, Ka-san had heard what she wanted to hear, and people left. I _couldn't_ care who.

Something was being said. Then something was rubbed against my cheek. I reacted to none of it. No… there was only one thing in this world my heart _needed_. **One** thing.

There was something warm being pressed against my face. A steady ba-dum, da-dum, rhythm seeped into the world I was wandered off to. A soft, steady warmth wrapped around me. Then… spring flowers. I smelled spring flowers.

"It's okay, baby. Ka-san's here." Those words broke something. A dam. The only thing that kept the tsunami of tears at bay.

For some reason, all I could remember after that was… well… 'tsunami of tears' summed it up pretty well.

**#-#**

* * *

I just sat there. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be doing. Something warm? Some… thing. I knew that I was sitting there. Yeah, I was. I remember I was supposed to be doing something… with my hands. But what?

Looking at my hands, I realized something important: my hands were no longer unblemished. There were scars, there were blisters that had yet to heal completely, there were creases that weren't there before – signs of my training. The training that allowed me to so effortlessly kill… that enabled me to slaughter…

"Ai-chan, do you want me to wash your hair?" I looked up from my exposed palms, wondering when Hibari-chan even got here. And when did she become so blurry?

I looked back at my palms, only to find they had become blurry too. Hmm, curious. "Nn." I noised. Was I supposed to be bathing? Well, that might explain why I was completely naked.

I was content to just stare at my blurry palms for a while longer, so if she felt there was something she had to do... Well, I wasn't going to get in her way. For some reason, I couldn't quiet remember what she asked of me, but I quickly deduced that I didn't have to budge for it. Well, I hoped I didn't have to at least – I wasn't much in the mood for moving just yet. Maybe later? I doubted it.

Something was being said. I turned back to Hibari, wondering if there was something I needed to do for her. She continued speaking, but her words just didn't seep through to reach my mind, so I just gazed at her. Or was I staring?

She didn't seem to mind, at any rate. She tucked her fingers under my chin and gently pushed upwards – she must have needed me to lean my head back. I complied. Soon the feeling of fingers scraping gently against my scalp could be felt. I just stared at a random spot on the ceiling – though even that offered no comfort.

Something warm spilled over my head, though it was gone all too soon. I didn't question it, I knew Hibari wouldn't ever harm me. But I couldn't say I really understood what she was doing either.

Intellectually I knew she was beside me – her presence was there, somewhere on the edge of my awareness. I was just… not capable of understanding it beyond that.

A warm and fluffy… thing… was dabbed against my skin. It was almost hugging me, but not quite – hugs always helped me feel better, and I certainly didn't feel better. My vision was robbed of me briefly, as the same thing hugged my face. It was white. And fluffy. Ummm… what was it? It didn't matter.

The thing rubbed against my cheek another few times, retreating for a brief spell between each altercation. It was only after the fifth time that I dabbed at the spot it kept rubbing – my cheek was damp, thought just barely. I rubbed my hand against the side of my face, trying to dry the spot.

I swiped once. Then twice. Another few rakes against my skin, each time feeling the exact same wet trail there. I didn't understand it. "Don't cry, Ai-chan." Choco-chan hugged me.

Was I crying?

**#-#**

* * *

Time passed. I was sitting on the porch, wondering how I got there this time. I seemed to be appearing in different places quite often these days… or weeks? Months? The last period of time that had passed that I noticed properly. Yeah, that can be applied no matter how much time passed.

I'd like to say that things quickly fell into a routine since returning to Konoha. I might even love saying it. I can't though, because it didn't. Sleep was all but forbidden – the nightmares declared that quite clearly. Food was not _quite_ as appetizing as it had been.

Kouji and Daichi were just as messed up too. They came by often and we would sit on the porch together, just staring out into the distance. Jei hadn't been by since we got back – it was forgivable though... I doubted I'd be good company to keep.

None of the others had been by – not surprising seeing as they hardly ever came by anyway. "Hey, Imouto-chan." Naruto-nii sat next to me. How long had I been here staring at nothing _this_ time? I couldn't be sure, so I didn't bother trying to answer me own question.

"…" Silence. It's sometimes more of an answer than words could be.

"I'm not going to sit here and tell you what you're feeling." Glad we got _that_ out of the way. "I'm not going to tell you what you should feel either."

"…" Yeah, guess what he got. It's not a pony, that's for sure.

"So I figure I could do something else instead. I want to get you and Konohamaru together for that thing I wanted to teach you." He said. I only half listened though. And I don't mean 'filed away to think about it later'… I mean I barely heard him at all.

"Now come on. I need to do this before Tsunade finds out and forbids it." He grabbed me, tossed me over his shoulder and we were on our way somewhere. I didn't even have enough fight in me to bother resisting. The fact that I recognized both Naruto-nii and Kosuke-san's chakra signature might have helped though.

We made our way out of the Senju District. I tried keeping track of where we were going for a while, but I quickly lost interest. Either we were going to Konohamaru's regular haunts to find him, or we were going to the Sarutobi Compound to look for him there. Either way it made no difference to me – I just wasn't in the mood.

We jumped rooftops; we dashed across streets – him as a shinobi, me as little more than a sack of potatoes.

Eventually we arrived – wherever he intended for us to be. He placed me down – gently, thank Kami-sama – and I took a moment to find my bearings once again. We were within the walls of one compound or another. In front of us was what seemed to be the main house, and there seemed to be quite a few busybodies up and about.

They all noticed us, of course, but no one seemed to mind us there. Well, that didn't really say anything, now did it? Hmm, well, seeing as all the faces looked vaguely similar I ventured a guess that we were in a clan compound. All members had dark hair, beady eyes and similar chakra signatures. Yup, all family. Hmm… still not revealing much. DAMN MY INSATIABLE CURIOSITY!

"Hey." A familiar voice mumbled, clearly not in the mood for people either. I looked up, wondering when I decided that my sandals were all that interesting.

"Konohamaru." Inside, I was cursing that his name was so fucking long! I didn't feel like talking. I didn't feel like dealing with this right now. I had ENOUGH to deal with!

"Good, now that I have both of you with me. You will both follow of your own accord, or I will simply create a shadow clone and drag you along. Questions?" Naruto-nii announced. I wasn't sure, but I may have mumbled something along the line of him dragging me thus far.

"Well, I guess my Imouto-chan is getting dragged. How about the brat?" I groaned, wondering why my mutterings and musing seemed to get me in nothing but trouble. "Hurry up and decide, or you'll get dragged by default, 'ttebayo!"

**#-#**

* * *

I muttered. I complained. I whined. I groused. I ranted. I ran out of things to try, then started back and muttering and worked my way forward again. Naruto-nii didn't seem to notice any of it. He took his sweet time walking to wherever he was taking us this time – still lugging me around like a sack of potatoes.

"-swear to Kami-sama if you don't-" Not even threats seemed to phase him in the least.

"You want me to put you down?" Why did I get the impression I didn't want that anymore? "Fine! Just 'cause I'm such a nice guy." He said, letting me drop. And I meant just that! He picked me up off his shoulder, holding me like a new born baby right in front of him… and let go.

He just let go. Gravity did the rest. Well, gravity and those weights sensei refused to let me go without. Dunno why I put them on this morning. Old habits I guess. Well, old habits suck.

I hit the water surface, only I was too out of it – he caught me by surprise damn it! So I didn't stick to the surface! I plunged into whatever body of water he dropped me into and I was sinking faster and faster!

The sucky thing about water was that only lighter-than-water objects float near the surface. And well, when you add sixty kilos of metal to anything, without adding in volume… well floating was not really an option!

I landed on the bed, looking around. Wide open 'space', so it's a large pond or small lake. Wonderful! Just wonder-fucking-ful. The surface was about just over three meters above me – which sucked because I could feel the water pressure weighing down on me. Almost as much as my conscience had been weighing down on me since… that event. Intellectually I understood there was no saving those men – they had wandered down a dark path and were bound to be wiped out eventually. Hell, I could even admit to not minding their absence among the living. That didn't change the fact that I killed them! I knew it had to be done, but why did… I didn't want to… I only wanted…

Fuck… I. Wanted. It. To. Be. Different.

I finally got it. I finally understood why Ka-san made me do that mission. I was the hand Karma used to smite those that needed smiting. That wasn't an ego thing either; it was more humbling than anything. Karma used me, much the same way that shinobi use kunai. No one considers the kunai guilty of murder; no one (usually) hates the sword that just took their lover from them.

I ran my hand through my hair, smoothing it down a bit. It was pointless, seeing as the water would just mess it up just as quickly. It helped though. It calmed me down a bit. It brought things back into perspective.

I had become a sword to slay Konoha's enemies. I had become a shield to defend Konoha's citizens. I had become a kunoichi.

More than that, I was the heir to the Senju Clan. The hopes and dreams of over forty generations of Senjus now rested on my shoulders – and I was letting them down. It was time to decide.

On the one hand, I could simply stay down here until I ran out of air. That way I wouldn't have to feel guilty about taking lives and there was no chance of me ever being a danger to anyone.

On the other hand, I could rise above this. The guilt wouldn't go away, but it would dull with time. Then I could keep fighting to protect not just Konoha, but my friends… my loved ones.

To protect. That's what I want to do. I want to protect Sango, and Michiko and Kimiko … to see the beautiful ladies they'd going to grow up to be. I wanted to protect Nabi-chan, and Naruto-nii and Hinata-nee and Shizune-nee, and aunty Itsuko and uncle Gai, and aunty and uncle Sengo…

I wanted to protect Ka-san.

I wanted to protect Jei.

I wondered if I'd ever be strong enough to protect them all… but I'd never find out if I let go now. And I needed to find out! I needed to be there for them!

Making my way upward – not an easy task, believe me – I breached the surface. I took a few deep breaths and started climbing out and stood on the water's surface. "Good, now that we've dealt with that…" Naruto-nii began, his eyes fixed on the clouds as they floated along.

**#-#**

* * *

About an hour later – Nii-san took us to get ice cream to apologize for his 'therapy tactics' – Konohamaru, Nii-san and I were in a random training ground. "Now, I want both of you to sit down and pay very close attention." Nii-san began. We obeyed, both of us wondering what was going on.

Naruto-nii smirked at what he was about to do… he was making me more and more nervous by the second. Then without warning, his hands formed a seal that I didn't recognize. Index and middle fingers extended, ring and pinkie fingers held down by thumbs… left arm held horizontal like he wanted to hit someone a left hook and right arm brought up semi-vertical…

The extended fingers were brought together, right fingers in front… forming a plus sign? What was he doing?

"Kage Bunshin no jutsu!" There was a poof of smoke. Once it cleared away, there were three Narutos, where once only stood one! SHADOW CLONES?! _HE_ WAS GOING TO TEACH **US** THE **_SHADOW CLONE JUTSU_**!

My amazement – or just plain shock – must have been obvious, because he was chuckling and looking very pleased with himself. "Now." He began, waiting for our brains to kick start again.

"The Kage Bunshin no jutsu is in fact a B-rank jutsu. The chakra requirement for it would probably kill most of your classmates and is in fact a forbidden technique. I'm only teaching you this because I know you can handle it, so you are not allowed to teach anyone else. Understood?" He leveled a glare at me – apparently Konohamaru didn't come over as a 'sharing the wealth' type.

**"Hai, Nii-san."** Konohamaru and I said at the same time. Did Konohamaru even notice that Naruto-nii was mostly talking to me?

"Good. Now before I start actually teaching the technique I want you both to understand the limits of the technique and the drawbacks. The uses for it I will leave up to the two of you to figure out." Nii-san spoke in a tone I was not used to hearing from him. He sounded… mature. As bad as that sounds.

"The more obvious drawbacks are the technique draining your chakra, which _can_ **kill** you if you push beyond your limit." He said, impressing the seriousness of the technique. "But there is also the mental strain of receiving the memories of the clones themselves. Seeing as you won't be making more than one, don't worry about that for now. I'll teach you a meditation later that can help you cope with it."

I was riveted by every word coming out of his mouth. This was not the prankster that left Konoha so long ago. This was not the immature, but cool big brother that I had gotten to know. This was a man. This was the future Hokage – I saw it in his eyes.

"There is no limit in how far the clone can go, but it will dispel with a solid hit. It will also run out of chakra eventually. How long that takes depends on how much chakra it has, so the less clones you make, the longer each clone lasts. Also, it doesn't start off knowing anything you don't know. And no matter what you think, it doesn't teach your muscles anything, so it can't replace physical training or do anything for your speed or accuracy. Anything chakra related is fair game though, so I guess you could use shadow clones to help you learn jutsu quicker." He sounded so absolutely AWESOME talking like that!

"To prep the jutsu, you need to take your chakra and force it into a ball in the pit of your belly. Make the ball as small and as tight as possible. Then when you make the handsign, you SPLIT THE BALL, 'TTEBAYO!" He shouted. I almost fell onto my back, caught off guard.

"Focus the ball into your hands. After that the handsign pretty much does the rest." Konohamaru jumped to his feet, already focusing. "Make sure you keep one ball inside you, or you die." (-.-)'' Comforting.

**#-#**

* * *

"Heh, told you I'd do it in a day, kore!" I didn't even have the energy to glare. I didn't care to figure out how he even had the energy to speak. Nope. I just shuffled along, trying to get home before I passed out.

Naruto-nii proved that he was at least as demanding as anyone else I trained under. Hell, there was a point I almost called him Kakashi! Still… whatever. I shuffled along.

Passing the gate guards, I tried smiling. Not sure what came out, but the chuckle I heard from them wasn't comforting. I walked down the road, took a left and up the three stairs that brought me up to the porch. I flicked my foot against the base of the sliding door to open it – a trick I had to learn seeing as more often than not I didn't have the energy to use my arms after training.

Walking into the house, into the sitting room, I wondered why I didn't see any of the sumi-e Ka-san and I had made. I was especially happy with the lotus design I had made almost a year ago. Although sumi-e was officially just painting with ink, Ka-san used it as fuuinjutsu practice. Basically I was to make pictures using very, VERY small symbols in an almost pointillism styled technique.

Well… it wasn't something I needed to understand just yet, so I put it aside for now. I noticed someone sitting at the table, so I sat next to them. Don't really know what happened after that.

**#-#**

* * *

Warm. I felt very warm. There was a swirling of energies around me that I didn't really care to identify just yet. A cool breeze swept over me. Willing that coldness away, I stumbled closer to the warmth.

Pressure on my back, light pressure. The cool feeling withdrew. In its place… warmth. Warmth wrapped around me. There was no coldness anymore. Anywhere. Everything… warm.

Something ghosted over the side of my face. Then the words 'sleep' and 'love' reached my ears. I mumbled, trying to tell whoever that was to pipe down – I was still tired.

Whoever it was seemed content with letting me sleep, though I couldn't quite fall back asleep entirely. No, instead my mind kept racing through a few subjects: Iwa, Naruto and Jei.

Iwa, the Village Hidden in the Rocks. Those stubborn, inbred, shitfaced baboons were trying to start a war. Only, now Jei and I were the simplest means to that end. Harming me, harming Jei and/or harming our relationship were all they needed. Really, how simplistic did they need to be to get what they wanted?

Their only real problem was that we already knew their game plan. That meant that we would go in prepared to some degree – though there was always the chance of them tweaking the plan at the last second. So that meant we would be facing at least chunnin leveled shinobi during the exams themselves, and we would be facing up to jounin leveled shinobi during our stay there.

Yes, Ka-san would send us there with enough manpower to level a small country, knowing her. But that only reduced the risks – and even then not entirely. No, we'd need backup plans within our backup plans to ensure that we got the mission done.

No doubt Ka-san would be sending Konohamaru's team, Jei's team and my team to the exams themselves. I could probably swing bringing Choco and Hibari along if I wanted to. Ka-san would want Kosuke-san there as well – and to be honest, I'd want him there too.

Hmm, maybe I could come up with a way to have Naruto-nii there as well? Possible.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiii, go to sleep." A familiar voice drawled. There was a sliding sound. Then two feelings hit me at once: amusement and extreme dread. That didn't make any sense. What could possibly happen to amuse one person, and make the other think the shinigami was about to suck out their soul?

Lazily opening my eyes, I looked around. Ka-san was standing there with the most peculiar smile on her face. Her arms were crossed under her bust and she was leaning against a doorpost… or a wall… or the ceiling? I got the impression she was enjoying herself a little too much, if that made any sense.

And the sense of dread? Well, I turned to it only to find Jei there. Strangely I was looking up at him? Okay, what?

I focused on taking it the whole scene this time. Apparently I had fallen asleep with my head in Jei's lap. And that's the scene Ka-san walked in to see. At first I wondered what was so off about that – I always seemed to wake up either in someone's arms or in someone's lap whenever I had overdone it during training. Sure, it was awkward at first, but I guessed I had simply gotten used to it. And certainly Ka-san knew about this particular quirk of mine.

Still… did Jei know about it? Looking at your future mother-in-law who was feared throughout the Elemental Nations, who was looking at you with her daughter's head in your lap… hmm. Yeah, that sounded like good material for a heart attack right there.

Should I add fuel to the flames? Tempting, tempting. "Jei-kun. It seems like you have something to explain?" I pointed out, acting innocent.

The look in his eyes, the appearance of an almost teasing smile, this would not end well. "Now that you mention it… Hokage-sama, I think your daughter was trying to take advantage of me." (O.O) Where the hell did that come from?!

Ka-san chuckled at us – not sure if it was Jei's sarcasm, or my nearly passing out because of how deep I started blushing. Jei started chuckling a bit too. I only blushed deeper. Soon, both of them were laughing – AT me.

Ka-san walked over to me, taking my chin between her forefinger and thumb. When our eyes met, she smiled – a little, unsure smile that told me how worried she'd been the about me lately.

I got up, launching my arms around her middle – needing a hug like never before. Neither of us liked how things had been progressing, so we both took refuge in the fact that we had made it this far. She petted me on my head, gently scraping her nails through my hair.

For a moment everything was normal, everything was perfect. I could pretend that there was no looming threat of war, that no one wanted me dead and there was no chance of a nation's worth of genin trying to come between me and Jei. Kami-sama, I should have known that moment would be short lived.

"Next time, sweetie… make Jei beg for it first." (O.O)

**#-#**

* * *

"Alright, you've lost two weeks since getting back from that last mission. It's understandable, so I won't give you a hard time. That does mean that I'm going to be pushing you harder to make up for lost time. Understood?" Hayama-sensei was once again being a prick. Sure, I could understand where he was coming from… but still.

"Yes, sensei." No point in arguing with the man.

He started trudging around, likely trying to think about something. Though my eyes were facing forward, I took in my surroundings. We were once again in training ground thirty-four, just the two of us.

"Although you're nowhere close to being proficient with Wind Release styled jutsus, and you are far from even considering your training with it adequate..." He continued pacing, as if he was slowly coming to a decision he'd been putting off. "I believe you are ready to begin learning one of my personal jutsus: Shinkuuken."

Shinkuuken? The Vacuum Sword? "There are four stages of learning this jutsu." He continued, forcing me to keep up – I was halfway through having a mind fart! "You will start learning the first stage today: augmenting your sword with futon chakra. Draw your sword."

Sensei tossed a sword to me, still in sheath. Obviously things could go very wrong, because I wasn't allowed to train with Tenshi just yet. I drew the blade – it wasn't anything special, just your typical double-edged shortsword. "First you will practice focusing neutral chakra though it. This strengthens the blade and makes it less likely to chip or break during a block or attack."

Well, that sounded simple enough. I focused my chakra into the blade, immediately sensing the desired result. "Good. Now try focusing Futon chakra into the blade." Okay, so that was a bit harder. I had to first gather my chakra, then make a handseal and convert it to futon chakra, THEN focus it into the blade. It took nearly a minute, **and** I had to hold the grip of the sword between my hands while making a handseal to help me focus… but it wasn't _entirely_ impossible.

He looked at my handseal and the way I held the sword – he wasn't impressed. "Adding futon chakra to the blade makes it sharper. **If** done _properly_ you could slice through stone with it." Clearly he was going to make me practice this quite a bit before moving on.

"Now comes the **actual** first step of this jutsu: focusing neutral chakra in the middle of the blade while coating the edges with futon chakra." I hated him. I really did. "We haven't got all day."

"_Fine_." I grumbled, showing just how _impressed_ I was with him. Then I made a handseal – just not the one I needed to focus. "Kage Bunshin no jutsu!" Two shadow clones appeared next to me, all three of us grumbling about our sensei.

They took a few steps back – no telling if their practice would hamper mine, so better safe than sorry – and we got to it. I swore to all that was holy that I was going to arrange that man getting laid – his 'forty year old virgin' persona was harping on my last fucking nerve!

"Stupid sensei." My clone grumbled. Still, we got to work… hopefully he'd stop bitching before the end of the day!

**#-#**

* * *

I couldn't feel my left hand, probably because of the third degree chakra burns. My right shoulder felt a bit tender from that tree I landed into from the first of many fuck-ups. I was fairly certain that I reset my ankle properly after nearly shoving my foot up sensei's ass – fucking Kawarimi no jutsu, replacing an ass that needed kicking with a log that had nothing to do with it!

Wasn't even remotely interested in why Kouji and Daichi were glaring a hole into sensei's skull. Anything they could possibly say was without a doubt entirely true. Tried to snap them in half with a twig and two leaves? I'd believe it in a second – the asshole.

"Welcome to Ichiraku's! I take it you guys want the regular?" Ayame asked, less upbeat than usual. It might have something to do with all three genin limping – though trying to glare sensei into an early grave might have done it too.

Three agreeing grunts and Daichi mumbling about tea later and we were back to grumbling about our day – well, Kouji was grumbling mostly. Daichi and me agreed to let him do our share of complaining.

"And how the hell does he even manage to train us all at the same time in three different places! I'm telling you the man is the devil himself!" I rolled my eyes, wondering why I had to once again explain the most obvious thing in the world.

"Kouji, he's using an advanced clone technique. That way he can offer all three of us one on one time at the same time." That ended the tirade pretty quickly. Unfortunately. "And he's not the devil, he just hasn't gotten his rocks polished. I'm half hoping he'll get over himself and ask Ayame to give him a hand."

I was more than satisfied with the mortified reaction I got outta sensei for that. Wasn't enough to tone him down, but it helped me feel better. "Ooh! I used to love collecting stuff when I was younger! Hayama-san, do you need some help polishing your rocks? I really wouldn't mind." When Ayame spoke those words… no revenge could **_EVER_** be sweeter!

The deer in the headlights look, sweating like a genin that was just challenged by a kage to mortal combat, hearing his heartbeat in his throat. I let my satisfied smirk tell sensei that I wasn't even going to think about helping him out of this.

Sensei stammered out some bullshit, seeming drowning in his own words – or choking on his tongue. "He'd love the help. He'll be here to pick you up at the end of your shift?" I offered, a now full-blown smile lighting up my face.

"I get off at eight." She managed, so nervous she likely didn't even notice the interchange. Good. I shoved the guys, murmuring that sensei needed some time alone – he wasn't getting the chance of asking any kind of advice.

"I think we should go to the hospital." Daichi announced. Couldn't argue with the logic, I was in no state to tend to my own injuries, let alone theirs. Nodding to show I agreed, we headed towards Konoha General Shinobi Hospital. Hopefully Ka-san would get the full report on this shit too.

**#-#**

* * *

"I'M TELLING YOU SHE NEEDS MEDICAL ATTENTION NOW!" Was the _first_ thing I needed to hear when I entered the Emergency Room. Having just dealt with sensei, I was immediately faced with an irate Naruto-nii holding Hinata in his arms – bridal style. That she was clearly blushing and had some dried blood that had trickled out her nostrils… well it wasn't hard to understand what happened.

"Old habits." I muttered, motioning for Kouji and Daichi to follow. "Naruto-nii. I leave you alone for four hours…" I tried not to sound exasperated, I really did.

"Hey, Ai! M-maybe you can help her! No one else seems to be taking me seriously here, 'ttebayo!" Uzumaki Naruto… stuttering? I blinked. I blinked again. He seriously didn't get it?

I couldn't decide if I was annoyed with him, or pissed. Pissed was winning though. Grabbing him by the ear, I dragged him down the hall to an empty examination room. I ignored every complaint he tried to mutter, and the second he lay Hinata-nee down on the table I kicked his shin – hard!

"Clueless!" I complained. Then I started shoving Naruto, Kouji and Daichi out the door – guys without medical training had no place in this room. "Go get a nurse. My hands are messed up from training so I can't do a damn thing right now." Without waiting for his response I closed the door and got to work.

I didn't need to scan her, I knew she just passed out from a Naruto-induced fever. I completely ignored the dozen or so poofing sounds coming from the other side of the door. Naruto's natural response was to spam clones to bring as many doctors/nurses back as quickly as he could. I growled, rolling my eyes at his idiocy. But… at least he was using his energy for something other than pacing.

I turned on the water, set to roughly thirty-five degrees Centigrade and let it run. Walked over to the cupboard and opened it, grabbing the bath basin, a washrag and a towel. Even with my left hand covered in chakra burns, this activity was so ingrained in me that I didn't bother with the discomfort.

After checking if the water was the right temperature, I place the bath basin under the flow to fill up and placed the washrag in it. I held the towel in my left hand, to avoid the temptation of using that hand for something else.

Waiting just under fifteen seconds, I decided that I had all the water I'd need. I turned off the water, grabbed the basin and made my way towards my patient. That was when I noticed several important details. First off, she was no longer blushing. Second off, she was no longer smiling.

I was tempted to believe that her subconscious mind knew that Naruto-nii was no longer holding her, but I would wait to see how that played out on its own. At any rate, I cleaned her up – pretty much the only attention she needed, medically at least.

She looked so… different than when I had first come to Konoha. Well, that was only logical seeing as she'd grown quite a bit. Yet in that instant I saw a glimpse of that old, shy and insecure Hinata. A Hinata that didn't know how to cope with the world. Something had happened.

The door shot open, interrupting my analysis, revealing a nervous wreck Naruto prodding a very vexed Sakura. I smirked, already imagining how that meeting must have gone.

"For the last time, I'm not on duty, Naruto!" Sakura-san protested. From her tone, she'd been repeating herself endlessly.

"Who said anything about you being on duty!? Hinata-chan needs help, 'ttebayo!" That sweet, but clueless, idiot would have woken Ka-san up at three in the morning if he thought it would help.

"Hey, Sakura-san. Don't worry, I'll explain everything. Naruto, wait outside." I couldn't quite hide my amusement, but Naruto wouldn't have picked up on it unless I rammed it down his throat. Once again, ignorance reined supreme in his little world.

I wasn't sure if it was my amused, but patient smile… or if she was just curious what happened to Hinata, but Sakura shoved Nii-san out the door and closed it with a flourish. "Spill."

"At this point it's all speculation, but…" I motioned towards the once again blushing Hinata on the examination table. I didn't bother stopping myself from rolling my eyes at the obvious explanation. A joyous squeal told me that I needed say no more.

"When she wakes up, I'm gonna need your help to get the details outta her." I said. Though mostly it was just to show I wanted to confirm it too – there was no way Sakura would not have helped me now.

**#-#**

* * *

There were a lot of things I could take without batting an eyelash. There were even things I would tolerate without reprisal. Some things I would even talk myself out of harsh reprisal for. I would like to think of myself as a very forgiving individual.

This latest development was fucking with that notion. After Shizune-nee arrived and tended to me and the guys – Sakura was willing, but there are restrictions on pregnant women when it came to using jutsus – and Hinata woke up. Well, the explanation she gave set my blood abroil.

It turned out that the Hyuuga Council was starting to consider a few options that troubled me. The simplest and least infuriating of which was marking Hinata with the Caged Bird Seal. Their argument? Because Hanabi was already the ideal heir, something Hinata never would be. I could feel my eye twitching just thinking about it.

The other things were pissing me off even more! Like Hinata's reaching the 'age of consent' and the now looming threat of an arranged marriage – which apparently happened to all non-main branch members to some extent. _They_ were going to **use** Hinata to further their own political agendas!

But the icing on the cake? Their number one candidate was none other than Hyuuga Neji. It took all my will power to not puke up something vital when she stuttered that out. I gripped Shin and Tenshi a little tighter, wondering when Naruto-nii's clones would show themselves.

I had pointedly warned everyone not to say anything or do anything that might provoke me further for a few days. Naruto-nii of course took that to mean that I had to blow off some steam, which meant a spar that I could go all out in. Well, it wasn't that bad an idea, which was why I agreed to it… but that wasn't the reason at all.

No, now I had to speed things up considerably. Everything I had been planning over the last two years would now have to get done within the next two weeks! That's a lot of shit that had to get done!

Still… it wasn't entirely impossible. Naruto-nii had done most of the work on his own, if my guess was correct. I already passed on the information that I needed a family meeting after dinner, and that Naruto and Hinata were the subjects of said meeting. I also extended the invitation to Hinata to come to dinner, seeing how it so directly involved her.

So now it was a matter of waiting. Waiting and planning, much like my more immediate situation. I could sense Naruto in every direction, so he'd been spamming clones again. I had made a point of warning him not to engage me himself, seeing as I would more than likely think he was a clone and kill him. Yeah, I was _that_ level of disturbed.

I felt a disturbance in the air behind me. I spun around, rewarding that clone with a needle through his left eye. I hadn't heard any movement; I hadn't sensed his chakra at all! Shit, that boy's good! If I hadn't been able to feel him moving through the air, I would have been screwed!

And what's worse, now that it was obvious that stealth wouldn't work… well spamming clones right, left and center seemed to be the order of the day. Within seconds I was engulfed in a wave of dull orange.

"Fine, you want it rough?" I clicked Tenshi into her snake form and loaded Shin's needles bays to maximum capacity. After that I lost myself in the moment.

If it moved, I killed it. Thank Kami-sama they were only clones! The only problem was… I was pitted against a clone factory. For every clone I dispatched, he created three more.

Well, if the smile I was sporting said anything…

**#-#**

* * *

Dinner was a quiet affair. No one had much to say about anything. That was fine, seeing as I was still planning things. Eventually the question came as to why Tami was sitting next to Naruto-nii, but everyone just smirked at me when I'd asked. Missing out on two weeks' worth of information in a hidden village was paramount to suicide!

Still, I made a mental note to get more out of them later. For the time being I just needed to deal with the pending debacle.

Once every had had their fill, we moved into the dojo, which apparently doubled as a Council Meeting Room. Don't ask, I didn't know either. Ka-san sat where Shizune-nee usually sat during formal training. She instructed everyone where they should sit – I sat to her right with Shizune, the others (Inaho, Fuki, Kosuke-san, Choco, Hibari, Kohada and her husband) sat to her left. Naruto and Hinata sat opposite Ka-san, so that they were in plain sight off all present. Tami was instructed to stay upstairs with Kimiko-chan, to keep her out of trouble.

"Now that everyone is seated, let the first Senju Council meeting commence. Ai, I am made to understand that you have called for this meeting." Ka-san spoke formally. I nodded, briefly wondering if I should stand before speaking. Well, Ka-san didn't so I wouldn't.

"Earlier this afternoon a… _disquieting_ situation… was brought to my attention. As I'm sure most of you know I have been plotting for quite some time to get Uzumaki Naruto and Hyuuga Hinata together." I gave everyone the chance to nod, while Hinata and Nii-san just blushed. "Now it seems that things are becoming more complex. The Hyuuga Council is motioning for,"

I explained the plot to mark Hinata, the arranged marriage to Neji and my disgust towards both. I made sure my motifs were plain as day, hiding anything from those assembled would harm my plans in the long run.

"And so I bring this to your attention. I believe that I cannot counter this attempt without aid, and I can think of none I trust more that those assembled here. My next step was to announce Naruto's heritage, which I'm sure you will all agree is not wise to do just yet. However, I have no plausible alternative to give me the desired affect. Nor do I have a bargaining chip with the Hyuuga Council or Hiashi-sama himself. It is therefore my request that the Senju Clan aid my attempt to solidify the Uzumaki's eventual rise from the ashes." I nodded to Ka-san, mostly to show that I was done talking.

Murmurs and mutterings abounded. Everyone seemed to dislike the Hyuuga Council's plot, and loved the idea of having a direct hand in helping Naruto and Hinata in some way. As for the couple in question? They were sporting matching shades of blush. (^-^)

"Very well, we will put it to a vote. All those in favor of aiding Naruto and Hinata?" Ka-san said, her tone neutral. Pointless really, seeing as we all saw the smile she thought was hidden.

Everyone raised a hand! That included two shy, attempting to be hidden, but still quite obvious hands being raised by none other than Uzumaki Naruto and the now soon to be Uzumaki Hinata! KAWAII!

"Unanimous. Good. Then the first order of business will be," Let the games begin. (^-^)

**#-#**

* * *

Things were… going way too quick. I hated having to rush. I liked taking my time, plotting and preparing for the eventual outcome I desired. However, I was starting to question if my methods were all that effective.

I found myself in the house next-door. Why? "Well, a four bedroom house is not a bad place to start, right Tami-chan?" Naruto-nii was excited – no real shock there.

"H-hai." Uzumaki Tami replied. I was actually right on the money when I thought Tami was related to Naruto – third-cousins, those two were. It seemed that Naruto was the client that wanted my team to hunt her down and bring her to Konoha! Fucking awkward, seeing as sensei told us it was a dead or alive bounty!

She was alright for the most part. She was soft spoken and had a calmness about her that I would not have expected from an Uzumaki – Naruto-nii being calm about something? Psh, sure.

"Well, at least it's clean." Fuki put in her two cents. Yeah, I got lucky and coined her off on Nii-san.

"Cleaning this place wouldn't have been an issue regardless. Not with the one man army spearheading the mission." I laughed at Ka-san's words. "Now, I'm sure you know this, but I'll explain anyway. Your current goal is to ensure a stable income for your household, Naruto. Tami is starting in her final year at the Academy tomorrow, so that means you have to front the bill for it. I won't be charging you rent, but don't think that will last forever either."

"So I gotta start handling my own affairs, but you'll be helping until you're sure I can manage on my own." Naruto summarized. He nodded, to show he understood and agreed.

"Good. For now, Fuki will be allowed to purchase any and all necessities on the Senju's tab. And I would advise you to start considering the Chuunin Exams, seeing as a genin can never earn enough to support a household." Having said her piece, Ka-san kissed me on my brow and told me not to make it too late.

"Hey, Tsunade-sama…" Naruto-nii looked serious, for once. "Thank you. We will never forget what you have done for us, 'ttebayo." He bowed low to her. I had to wipe away a renegade tear – something about his gratitude touched me.

"Do not thank me, Naruto. I'm just repaying what I owe to your mother and father." Ka-san left, not showing her facial reaction. I still felt her worry, and her fear that it still wasn't enough.

"Fuki-kun, Tami-chan, go pick out a room and start setting it up. We're staying here tonight." Naruto instructed. Both girls bowed to me and left without a word. That left just Naruto-nii and I. At first I thought he was going to say something. Hell, I hoped he wasn't planning on waiting until I decided I had to leave – I still had to do my Suiton training for the night!

I got tired of waiting. "Something on your mind, Nii-san?"

"…" I looked at him, wondering when he became the silent type. His face was calm, his posture was relaxed. But his eyes gave him away, he was crying. "If there is anything… and I _mean_ **anything**… I can do to repay you, Ai…"

I smiled, unused to this side of him. "Nii-san, just make sure you take care of your family. Guide them. Love them." I told him, deciding to see myself out. Poor thing must have been unsure what else to do with the overwhelming emotions coursing through him.

I still heard him muttering something as I left. "… never forget…" The rest was all static.

**#-#**

* * *

Naruto-nii had a place to call his own. He had a member of his clan attending the Academy. Alright, Phase One completed. Phase Two would be a little more complex, but I was willing to work for it.

I started off by having an official meeting with the Head Family of a select few prominent clans. I of course started with the ones Naruto-nii was more familiar with – the Uchiha, Sarutobi, Nara, Akimichi, Yamanaka, Aburame, Inuzuka and Sengo. After that… well, protocol dictated I move in for the kill.

This brought me to my current meeting with the head family of the Hyuuga clan. They were still eating, slowly and properly. Tami-chan, who was being subjected to Naruto-nii's training schedule… well, I didn't blame her for feeling like her stomach was always half empty.

I was pleased with Nii-san's manners though! He was polite and proper throughout then entire meal – as he had been with every meeting thus far. Eventually the meal wound down, so it was time for the actual purpose of the meeting.

"Hiashi-sama, I'm sure you have been more than curious as to the actual purpose of this meeting." I began formally. Sadly, I had to reign in my desire to hurry things along, seeing as I hated this setting more than anything.

He made a vague agreement with me, motioning me to get on with it. "Before I continue, allow me first to iterate that what is to be revealed momentarily is in fact an S-class secret intended only for a select audience until further notice. In other words, nothing discussed here may be revealed until the official announcement – which is not schedule to take place until after Naruto has attained the rank of Jounin."

I was more than satisfied with the curiosity I felt from Hiashi. He took a long moment to weigh out something in his head, only Kami-sama knew what. He eventually nodded. "I assure you, you have our utmost discretion." He looked at his daughters, who were both already informed beforehand. They nodded anyway.

"Allow me to introduce Uzumaki Naruto, last living descendant of the head family of the Uzumaki Clan of Uzushiogakure no sato." As in every other meeting, I left out who his father was. Still, this should be enough to get the reaction I would need. "And his kinsman, Uzumaki Tami, who was recently discovered in the Land of Sound."

There was a long pause as the expected shock took its course. I kept my features neutral, hoping to give nothing away.

"I see." He took it as well as expected, but I could already see plans forming in his mind. "I assume you have to me for more than an introduction?"

"That is correct. As you know, there is no hope to support a clan solely with the missions the members of that clan accept from Konoha. As such, we are here to offer the services of the Uzumaki clan to a select few we believe we can trust at this point. These services of course include the famed Fuuinjutsu the clan has long been revered for." There were two points behind mentioning the Fuuinjutsu skills of the Uzumaki. One was offering the actual service, which wasn't cheap. The other, was a well hidden threat that Naruto would be able to mess with the Caged Bird Seal the Council wanted on Hinata.

"At present we have no need for these services. However, I assure you the offer will not be far from our thoughts should the need arise. Would it be a breach of conduct to inform the Hyuuga Council of the offer?" Not entirely unexpected for him to ask that – no need to risk slighting a potential ally.

I looked to Naruto, who shrugged and nodded – as per the script. "That is acceptable, provided the information go no further than there." I said. Which was bullshit, that was exactly where I want the information to go!

"Very well." He nodded gravely, a slight hint of amusement tingeing the air about him. "If I may be so bold, has Naruto-sama already begun considering his bride to be?" When Naruto and Hinata both blushed, I knew I had to intervene. "Apologies, perhaps I was being too forward."

My eyes narrowed on the man before me. He figured it out! He actually figured out what I was trying to do! "Know that you have the full support of the Hyuuga clan. Please do not hesitate to call on us, should the need arise. Now, if you will excuse me, there are matters that must be tended to." He bowed formally and eased himself out of the room.

I sat there. Shocked. He knew my eventual goal, of that there was no doubt. The question was: was he please with what I was planning?

**#-#**

* * *

Time started slipping away quickly after that. Between my own training, classes at the Academy, the odd mission here and there… and surviving sensei's revenge at the arranged date with Ayame. Well, things had been interesting.

Oddly enough, I was starting to enjoy my life. Sure, I was busy. Sure, I wished people would stop expecting so much from me. I still wouldn't trade it for the world.

About a month ago I surrendered my tag making business to Naruto, who was making a killing with it! With his insane clone making skills, and his proficiency with Fuuinjutsu… well, there was no way to hope to compete with him anyway.

The Uzumakis haven't needed financial aid since, so I wasn't complaining. In exchange though, he was teaching Inaho and me when Ka-san got too busy. It was weird, learning Fuuinjutsu from someone other than Ka-san, but I got all the one on one attention I needed.

The problem with time slipping away? Well, that meant the impending CSE was coming closer. I wasn't as worried as I once had been, but it still made me nervous. "Team Hayama reporting for duty!" Kouji announced. I just rolled my eyes, wondering when we stopped being referred to as 'Team 7'.

"As yes." Ka-san raised an eyebrow, obviously wondering the same as me. "A request has been made for an escort mission to the Land of Lightning. It's B-class pay over the course of three months. It's not expected to encounter enemy shinobi, but given the circumstances, it's entirely possible."

I rolled my eyes, wondering when we got bumped up to B-ranked missions. I just knew something was going to send this whole situation to hell, really quickly. "However, I believe this is a bit much for your first B-rank, so I propose a joint mission for Team Ebisu, Team Tekuno, Team Hayama and Team Kakashi."

Yup, to hell in a handbasket wrapped in a pretty pink bow. The timing, the duration, the members being sent… Fuck, was it that time already? A knock on the door alerted me to keep my wits about me.

"Enter!" Kami-sama, I recognized the chakra signature as Hyuuga Hiashi's. This wasn't going to be pretty. Not even remotely.

"Apologies for the interruption, Hokage-sama. But I believe there should be an additional team being sent for this mission. Hinata's team has been given no challenging missions recently and I believe it is beginning to stump her growth. Naturally you-" Hiashi demanding a mission he knew nothing about for Hinata's team? To get her out of Konoha for a few months? To admit to eavesdropping on a closed door meeting in the Hokage's office – the equivalent of political suicide!

Ka-san didn't even miss a beat. "Very well, a tracking team would be a useful addition to this mission. Hayama, ensure that Team Kurenai is brought up to speed asap."

"Of course. Team, pack your things. We meet at the Senju District entrance in one hour." A sense of dread filled me almost immediately. I didn't think things would start looking up any time soon. And honestly, it sucked.

**#-#**

* * *

After making it home, I dashed up to my room to get my mission's gear. Seeing as this was also going to double as my CSE debut, I made sure to grab a few _extras_ just in case. I grabbed my weapon's cache scroll, and my Fuuinjutsu tools scroll. I packed a few extra mission kimonos – there was something special I'd been cooking up for the CSE.

I just finished checking my rations and spending money when Choco and Hibari came in. "So, it's that time already?" Choco looked like she was ready to cry – Ka-san told us that the girls wouldn't be allowed to come along.

I nodded, not sure what to say. "Naruto-sama asked us to keep an eye on Tami-chan while you guys are gone. Tsunade-sama said she could stay here with us." Hibari announced. I shrugged, not entirely sure I wanted to understand what that even meant.

Deciding to hell with it, I grabbed the scroll with my slingshot and the nasty surprises I kept in there. Better to be overly prepared after all. "I'll keep the boys safe, don't worry."

"BUT WHO'LL-" Choco was interrupted by Hibari's elbow in her ribs.

Hibari decided it best to ask me herself. "Who'll be keeping you safe, Ai-chan?"

I thought about that for a second. "Kakashi, Hayama-sensei, Tekuno-sensei, Ebisu-no-baka, Kurenai-san. Ka-san is going to be sending more than one extra team in covertly. I'm sure Jiraiya's already there keeping an eye on things. Naruto's obviously going to be there too. If there is anyone that's going to be safe, it's me." I offered, smiling at Ka-san's not very subtle attempt to protect me when she knew she really couldn't.

"However, that does not let you two off the hook while I'm gone. Tami-chan's going to need someone to help her train, and you two have your training as well!" Even as I spoke, I could see the unshed tears welling up in their eyes – they were worried for me. I tried to ignore them as I donned my kimono, but I wasn't entirely successful. With my waist-pouches under my obi and filled to the brim with scrolls, I had everything I would need. It was time to start heading out.

"I need to check on the guys. Do you want to tag along?" Two sullen nods was the only response I got. Well, better than nothing. I went downstairs to inform the family.

When we got to the guys' house, Kouji's mom was waiting on me once again. She noticed the girls were with me this time, so she told them where to find the boys, before asking to speak to me privately. I wasn't at liberty to disclose any details of the mission – not that I actually knew those details – so all I could do was assure her that I would bring her boys back in one piece. She swore she'd pray at the temple twice a day until we returned and I thanked her for it.

Once she was satisfied, with whatever she was trying to achieve, I made my way upstairs. The guys were trying to grab things just a little quicker than was needed and there was a smile on their faces that… shouldn't really be there. That confused me. Seeing that both girls were wiping the sides of their mouths when I walked in… I quickly decided I didn't want to know.

"Are we ready?"

**#-#**

* * *

When the hour was up, sensei strolled into view. He motioned for us to follow him as we made out way into the Senju District. Not a lot of people had access to the Senju District, so obviously we were chosen to pick up our clients.

I for one wasn't in the least surprised when we knocked on aunty Itsuko's front door. I was surprised as fuck, however, when after being shown in to find Kouji's dad and Ka-san sitting down inside waiting on us.

"Ai." Ka-san motioned for me to follow her out to the back porch. She sat down in seiza, facing me and motioning for me to sit as well. She was being too formal to think that sitting next to her would be kosher, so I sat in front of her. All the while wondering why this had to happen now.

"I know I told you to decide after the CSE, but…" She placed four large scrolls on the floor between us. Each had the Kanji of their respective clans… Slugs, Leopards, Rabbits and Cranes. "I would be much more at ease if you would choose now."

"I…" I didn't know what to say. Of course I had thought about it – I'd been thinking about it for months! "Ka-san, I-"

"Sweetie, you are going on a mission that will challenge every facet of your training. A mission that will attempt to claim your life at every turn. I need to know I did everything I could to keep you safe." Her eyes glistened in the morning light. Every rebound I had plotted to get as much out of this exchange withered away in the face of her display.

I nodded, going over the pros and cons one last time. Having decided my choice was the best, I nodded. "I'll sign with the Rabbits."

Ka-san nodded, pushing the scroll with the Usagi (兎) kanji – meaning rabbit or hare – towards me. I opened the scroll, briefly reading through the list of names of those that had once signed the contract. "Senju Touka was the last to sign…" I breathed, reading back further and further. Senju Kirimi, Amatsu Ten, Uzumaki Kogame, Senju Nanako… What struck me as odd was that all the names were signed very neatly. All the hand-prints were small and delicate.

"Write your name with your blood, and place your hand under it like those before you." Doing as instructed, I bit my left thumb and set about writing my name using the proper kanji – as per the norm. '千手愛' Senju Ai. I briefly wondered if anyone would think my calligraphy was as neat as my predecessors. Then I applied the blood to my other fingers and smeared some on my palm. Fingers spread out, I pressed my bloodied palm against the allotted slot. There was a slight shiver coursing through me, but other than that I noticed nothing special.

"The handseals for the Summoning Jutsu are: Boar – Dog – Bird – Monkey – Ram. Remember this well." Ka-san took the scroll from me, waving it about to help it dry faster. Then she rolled it up properly and tied it off. Shizune poofed out of nowhere and collected the scrolls from Ka-san, then poofed away again. That left us alone with nothing left to say but 'goodbye'.

"K-ka-san." I began, cursing the frog in my throat. Our eyes met. For one, long moment, we were content with just being together. She eventually moved over to me, wrapping me in her arms. I sighed. "I'll hurry back to you."

"You'd better." She said, trying and failing to hide her pent up emotions. "I love you, sweetie."

I craned my neck to look up at her. Her gentle smile. The tears she was shedding out concern for her daughter. I hugged her even tighter. "I love you more, Ka-san."

**#-#**

* * *

That's that. Aunty Itsuko and the girls were ready to go. I sealed all their things for them, for the sake of ease. The teams were assembled and everyone was aware of the severity of the situation. I looked around one last time, wondering if these were to be the last familiar faces I'd ever see.

Hinata, Kiba (gag me), Shino and Kurenai were off to one side. Kurenai was likely warning Kiba that Jei and I were still quite pissed with him, so he'd best be on his best behavior.

Jei was goofing around with his little sisters while Matsuri and Ame were talking to Tekuno-sensei.

Konohamaru, Moegi and Udon were getting a last minute lecture from Ebisu-no-baka. From the miffed expression on Moegi's face I could tell their sensei was once again being a hypocrite.

Naruto-nii, Fuki and Kosuke-san were making small talk with their 'sensei', Kakashi. No idea why Ka-san didn't think I'd see her fingerprints all over that team.

Then there were the more constant faces I was familiar with. Kouji and Daichi – still wearing those goofy, lopsided grins I wanted no explanation for. And Hayama-sensei. Sure, we'd had our fallouts. But those three were just as much family to me as any member of the Senju Clan.

Once we signed out at the gates, we were ready to hit the road. Kumo… watch out! We were on our way!

_**End Chapter 18**_

_**#-#**_

* * *

_**A/N: Thank you to all those that voted for the Summoning Pact! As you have no doubt noticed, the Usagi Contract won, but the Leopards were a close second. There is a chance that the Leopards will still make a debut in this fic, but that is a remote possibility for a much later date.**_

_**I would like to thank Elivira for being a patient beta - Kami knows I've tested her limits endlessly!**_

_**Also, I'd like to take a moment to apologize for the slightly rushed sense of writing in this chapter, and the chapter coming up. Yes, I know it is a bit hasty. However, I needed to move things along to get to the action. Next chapter is mostly delving into Jei's history and Kumo as a whole. As well, there's introducing Killer Bii and the rapping that we all love to hate from him.**_

_**There is also a lot of political talks, and a lot of otherwise useless fluff I would skip any other time. However, these things are needful, I'm afraid. Trust me, I'd skip em in a heartbeat otherwise.**_

_**So, here you have it, in writing. I'm sorry for the skittish contents of chapters 18 & 19. Chapter 20 is going to ROCK THOUGH! Love you guys and gals, so love me back a little with a review ;)**_


	19. I spy, with my little eye

_**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**_

_**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**_

_**Chapter 19 - I spy, with my little eye**_

_**#-#**_

* * *

"And Nee-san, I think you really look pretty in that kimono. That color of green really brings out the color of your eyes. And I like the Konoha pattern. And the-" Michiko-chan wasn't really talking. She was babbling. She loved to babble. About anything, and everything. Sango-chan was a lot quieter, which was why I chose to carry her while Jei took Michiko – thick as thieves those two.

Our formation was kind of informal, but still solid as cast iron. Jei and I carried the girls, while we flanked aunty Itsuko. Everyone made a perimeter around us in two circular layers – the jounin forming a tight inner layer, with the genin and chuunin forming a wide outer layer.

Some might argue that this formation left the genin unprotected, but that was far from the truth. This formation actually allowed the jounin almost instantaneous access to each genin's location! And with Hinata taking up the rear, Kiba ahead and to the left and and Shino ahead and to the right... well, there weren't many better ways to ensure maximum protection while still allowing everyone to be as much at ease as the situation allowed – with us walking towards certain death and all.

Well, to be fair, it wasn't certain that _we_ would die. However, given how immature _some_ shinobi can be, it's safe to say people were going to die.

"You know, Chiko-chan, if you keep pestering Ai like that she'll just ignore you." Aunty Itsuko said, her tone teasing.

"Ka-sa~aaaaan!" She whined. I just rolled my eyes, looking at my charge. Sango-chan was sleeping soundly, her face partly buried in the nape of my neck. "Nee-san would never do something like thaaaaaat!" I rolled my eyes – I'd been mostly ignoring her for at least an hour. :-3

Ooh, I can't forget that I pestered Hayama-sensei to keep the heavy hitter (Naruto-nii) near our best sensor (Hinata-nee). I couldn't stop smiling for almost two hours from their blushes – _after_ I stopped smirking at Kiba's gripes at not being considered the 'best sensor in Konoha'.

But other than the few and far between highlights, very little was actually happening. There were some curious critters every so often, mostly birds. Sometimes we'd see farmers working the land, though that was usually only near a settlement. All in all a very uneventful day thus far.

That all ended once dinnertime came around. "Itsuko-san, how long do you plan on playing 'civilian'? We're making horrible time like this." Hayama-sensei _subtly_ broached the subject.

To aunty's credit, she only raised an eyebrow at the question. "Oh? How fast would you prefer to travel then?"

"Not so fast that you couldn't keep up, even in those clothes. After all, Ai-chan keeps up without complaint." I rolled my eyes, wondering what I had to do with anything.

"You have no tact, you know that?" There were more choking sounds and uncomfortable coughs than sensei was happy with.

"So I've been told. Can we travel at a less sedate pace tomorrow?" Was that an attempt at subtlety? If so, he still failed miserably. "I'd recommend a chuunin level pace and see where we go from there?"

I looked up at the sky and the encroaching darkness, mostly to ignore the rest of that conversation. Arguing with your client that they could go faster, was he being influenced by Kouji? Well, to be fair if they reached a consensus we'd be shaving nearly three weeks off travel time. Yeah, it took about a month to reach Kumo at a civilian's pace.

Well, not my problem either way. I was paying more attention to Sango and Michiko, who were ganging up on Naruto-nii. Sango was pinching his 'whiskers', asking if they were real and how he got them. While Michiko was rattling off questions at the speed of sound! I caught a few, like why he kept blushing around Hinata, but mostly I was monitoring his reaction to it all – he was patient as a monk.

Naruto-nii answered every question he could, didn't get upset when they pinched his cheeks and was an overall nice guy about it. Even his chakra revealed nothing but serenity. I smiled, knowing that he would make a wonderful father one day. And from the contented smile on a certain white-eyed individual, I guessed I wasn't the only one coming to that conclusion.

"You know we're gonna have to do something about your eyes when we start getting close to Kumo." I offered, trying to give her something serious to think about so she wouldn't start blushing.

"Nn."

**#-#**

* * *

"How much farther?" My eye twitched. That made six-thousand four-hundred and fifty-two times Kouji asked that _same_ **accursed** question!

"Sensei, would you support me if I told his mom he died in the exam?" I intoned, trying my damnedest to keep my eye from twitching again.

"Ai-chaaaaaan! That's mean!" He griped, fake tears in his eyes.

"Maybe, but you won't even get into the exam then. And you'd have to train his replacement."

"Not you too, sensei!" Everyone was laughing at our shenanigans, but I noticed a dangerous glint in Matsuri's eyes – she'd be my accomplice if it came to that.

"I don't know how Choco puts up with you." The Nara droned, making me giggle a bit. Choco tended to complain quite a bit about him.

"So how much further then?" Twitch.

"When you asked _five minutes_ ago, we were a day an a half away. We're sitting down having lunch, and have been for at least **five minutes**. How far away do you think our destination is?" I asked, wondering if the twitch might end up being permanent and cursing him for it.

"Too far?" He offered, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

"Jiji!" Sango poked him with a stick she'd found nearby. "Top 'plainin!" I think she said to stop complaining. She had taken to calling him an old man almost from the get go! I was soooooo telling Choco about this when we got back!

Kouji groused about being called 'jiji' again, earning a few snickers here and there. Aunty Itsuko tried to look apologetic, but her amused smile didn't go anywhere. I just groaned, wondering how long I'd have to put up with his idiocy.

**#-#**

* * *

"FINALLY! We made it, dattedayo!" Naruto-nii announced when the first security checkpoint came into view. It wasn't the gate that would let us into Kumo, it was more an extra form of security.

Kakashi ushered us up to the checkpoint, showing our documents and answering most of the questions that were asked. They guards asked quite a few questions to the group in general, or singled out one of us to ask something off-topic to. All pretty standard stuff really – or what I imagine would be standard in this type of situation.

They eventually felt our intentions were honest and gave Kakashi a single piece of paper, pointing us in the direction of the following checkpoint, which we found within half an hour. Apparently that was too fast for the guards liking, because they started asking much more direct and in depth questions. I ignored most of them, seeing as this was none of my concern.

It wasn't until the guard – a woman in her early twenties with white hair and intense reds eyes stood directly in front of me that I bothered looking up from my game with Sango. "Can I help you, shinobi-san?" I asked politely.

"Name." She demanded, a tick mark telling me all I needed to know about her emotional state.

"Senju Ai." I stayed my reaction at a curt response, because back home I'd chew anybody out that came to me with that tone!

"Occupation."

"Kunoichi of Konohagakure no Sato. Rank: genin." She nodded, but was clearly unconvinced. Well, I was wearing an iromuji kimono – which everyone knew was too restricting to fight well in. Still, it was the same one with the symbol for Konoha, so there was no doubting my telling her the truth on the matter.

"Why aren't you wearing your hitae-ate?" Her eyebrow was suspiciously high with that one.

"Senju is synonymous with Konoha." I said, biting back any form of sarcasm that was starting to boil to the surface.

"You really expect me to believe you're a kunoichi?" Well, at least she had the balls to say it.

I leveled my gaze at her, wondering how to best answer that question. "Ai." Hayama-sensei warned. Fine, no fighting just to prove my position.

I reached into my kimono sleeve, taking my forehead protector and showing it. Still, a point had to be made here. "You're in your early twenties. One meter sixty-two tall. Red eyes, dark skin. Silver hair, wild and loose, held in place partly by your bandana styled black hitae-ate. You carry two katanas in on your back and two tantos on your waist. It's safe to say you're a kenjutsu-type, so your ninjutsu is likely subpar. I'm willing to venture a guess, seeing as both katana hilts and both tanto hilts are kept together, that you either have them joined by some wire or simply want to make your opponent wonder what their deal is."

"Judging from your limp, I'd say you were sparring before your shift started. From your vest and attitude towards a kunoichi that seems to not take her job seriously, I'd say you're chuunin and working your way up. From your clothes, you belong to a clan of fairly high standings. You're wearing lipstick and light makeup so I'm guessing your love interest is either a colleague, or a superior that is scheduled to drop in sometime during your shift."

"You're also right handed, and you have no skill whatsoever with genjutsu. Did I miss anything?" From the absolute shock shown in her chakra, I knew I hit every nail on the head. Still, she was the one that started it!

She just forced a smile, walking away. "Nee-chaaaaaaaaaan!" Sango pulled on my sleeve, trying to remind me that she still had to go. I rolled my eyes.

"Don't worry, sweetie, I'll go with her." Aunty Itsuko offered. It was sweet of her, really it was. But Sango wouldn't be able to go with so many people around, so I'd still have to unseal… that!

Not even asking if it was needed – of course it was – I fished around in my sleeve once again. After returning my hitae-ate, I pulled out an unmarked scroll and gave it to Sango. "Go on, sweetie. Your Ka-san knows how to use it."

"Uuuh…" FUCK! I took a few deep breaths. It had been a long week…

"_Fine_." I hoped it came over as understanding and willing, but from aunty's wince…

We walked over to one side, away from the crowd. I placed the scroll on the ground and crouched in front of it, rolling it open. All I really had to do was make the handsigns – yes, it was a specialized storage seal – and focus the required amount of chakra into the symbol in the center of the seal.

It was nothing special, but after running all fucking day, I was tired. Still, I had to admit to a certain, _twisted_ pleasure I felt when the guards realized I had sealed an outhouse for the girls to use during the trip. The sign announcing, 'Girls only!' said as much.

I gave one of Kouji's patented shit-eating grins to the kunoichi that doubted my skill not five minutes earlier.

**#-#**

* * *

"Another checkpoint?!" Kouji, Naruto and Konohamaru were outraged. Yes, the three troublemakers we were about to unleash on the unsuspecting Kumo. I felt bad for the village, but soon they wouldn't be my problem.

"N-naruto-kun, p-please calm d-down." Hinata was trying to placate the ring leader. I just rolled my eyes, not really caring. I did however check Hinata's facial bandages. Kurenai-san suggested we simply bind the Hyuuga's face with medical gauze – something that quite a few shinobi were forced to do. Well, it worked in my opinion. Sure people would be curious, but it was not something entirely unheard of. And it not only covered her eyes entirely, but it gave her the freedom to use her Byakugan without anyone seeing the telltale signs.

"Hinaaaa! This'll be the eighth checkpoint! THE **EIGHTH**!" Naruto-nii griped. I went back to ignoring him, Hinata would handle her man. Choosing to focus on something worth the attention (sorry, Nii-chan) I turned my attention back to the latest checkpoint. There were fifteen chuunin mulling about, two at the guard station where we were expected to check in and what seemed like an additional team under some kind of camouflage jutsu between us and the village just beyond. At least this would be the _last_ checkpoint!

Kakashi was once again ushering us up to the guards, trying to keep out of any form of conversation with Naruto – a wise choice, in my opinion. Only this time, one of them was waiting on us.

A young woman with dark skin and green eyes. Her very formal attire consisted of a long-sleeved, high-collared dress shirt and skirt (both a dark shade of green), along with a pair of long earrings and sandals. She wore her light grey hair pulled back into a bun with two bangs that fall on either side of her face.

What struck me about her though was the look of recognition in her eyes when she saw aunty Itsuko. She walked towards us, saying something to the guards. "Itsuko-chan, welcome back. Raikage-sama apologizes for not being able to greet you himself."

"Mabui-chan! It's good to see you!" The two hugged briefly, exchanging some small talk I didn't pay attention to. I was far more interested in her chakra. I highly doubted she would have noticed anything herself, so I thought it best to keep my findings to myself.

I was so absorbed in the delicate swirls of chakra, that I lost track of my surroundings for a bit. I also knew I was blushing a bit – which Jei didn't help very much when his hand bumped into mine. Without even thinking about it, our fingers intertwined. I turned to him, a shy smile on my face.

Part of me was wondering at the sudden interest in public intimacy. Another part of me was swooning over Mabui's predicament and what it would mean for me in the coming years. Yet another part of me was wondering if Jei's eyes always stole the air out of my lungs – which was the case more often than not, sadly.

"Hey, ho, what do I see? One sexy baby momma and my baby times three! Mothafucka!" I didn't just hear that. I didn't. "I'm, the man, to welcome you home! I'm, the one, to show you to your rome! I'm, the one, to save you from stone, Bakayarou, Konoyarou!" Was uncle Gai here trying to pull a prank on us? Please let it be him and Lee pulling a prank!

I looked at Jei, hoping beyond hope that this was a genjutsu! Anything! He just smiled at me, tugging me to follow him towards the current source of insanity. Didn't I just have a full week of Kouji and Naruto-nii to scar me for this trip? When I looked at the man who was just rapping, or trying to, I realized that the twitch I had on the trip was soon to be nothing but a fond memory.

A tall, bulky man in his mid-thirties stood (using the term loosely) near aunty Itsuko. He was spouting more and more 'rhymes' that he clearly thought were the nectar of the Kami. His white hair was kept in neat cornrows, and his goatee was neatly trimmed. His white, Kumo-styled flak jacket was the only 'shirt' he put on… which seemed to blend perfectly with a scarf and a sort of oversized loincloth he wore. He also wore matching arm guards with three maroon leather strips, which then matched the rope (?) around his waist. The grips of the six, no seven swords strapped to his back – two grips peaking over his right shoulder, three on his right and another one on his left side. To finish up the look (?) he had the standard jounin pants every village seemed to stay true to, with matching sandals (though these sandals seemed unique) and some medical tape strapped on in random places… and the shades. Can't forget the shades.

I prayed to any Kami that would listen that this man was some random shinobi that was going to be showing us around. I prayed with all my heart, with all my might. But when his two tattoos caught my attention, all hope abandoned me. The first was the kanji for 'iron' on his right biceps, the other was a stylized horn on his left cheek. This was the jinchuukiri of the eight tails bijuu… Killer Bii, my future father-in-law.

Either that insight came at a high price, or a migraine was just raring its ugly head. Not sure, so pick one.

Jei tugged me one last time, bringing us both directly in front of the man. They bumped fists, smiling brighter than the sun. The love they felt for one another was more than obvious, even without sensing their chakra. "So this is the one? I finally meet her? This is the one? Your one and only gir-luh! Oh yeah!"

Looking at him, the minute swirls in his chakra. I studied him for a long moment. He wasn't trying to be irritating, or obnoxious. He wasn't _trying_ to be anything – he just wanted to be. "Yeah, this is her." Jei acknowledged, elbowing me to help jumpstart my brain.

I shook away the last of the cobwebs. Finally remembering my manners, I bowed to him – weird or not he was still Jei's father and should be respected as such. "I am Senju Ai. It is an honor to finally meet the man Jei couldn't stop bragging about."

He smiled, then got right down to business. "Come one, come all and follow me! I've got a place your all dying to see! So don't be tardy and don't you stall! Cause we've got beds and a tub to cannonball! Bakayarou, Konoyarou!" He kept hopping from one foot to the next, excitedly fumbling through his rhymes. I just leaned into Jei's embrace, wondering how much weirder this day was going to get.

Still, I'd learned to love some of the weirdest shinobi Konoha had ever produced… so maybe Killer Bii wouldn't be all that bad, once I got to know him – or at least after a long soak, a meal and some R&R. Not to mention that _other_ thing I had to deal with… Sucks to be me.

**#-#**

* * *

We took the scenic route through the village. Not like there were a lot of options in that matter, seeing as it was either shunshin ourselves to death or walk along the winding concrete paths that hugged the hills. Well, I was more than happy to not use my chakra for a bit, so walking was fine.

Everything here seemed to blend in with nature. The houses were actually carved out of the hills themselves. The pathways were probably built using the rubble from the house making, and everything kept the scenery very rugged. It looked… almost serene.

The clouds seemed to loiter as well, so I could easily guess why the village got its name – hidden in the clouds. The more we walked, the more I realized that Jei's father was really a family man. Sango was riding on his shoulder while Michiko was clinging to his shin like her life depended on it. The scene brought a smile to my face.

Both girls were giggling and babbling and just being overly excited to see the man (or meet him, in Sango's case). He took it all in stride, a goofy smile plastered on his face. He'd given in to every request his girls had made thus far, no matter how many times they'd asked. The three of them were a match made in heaven. They didn't even seem to mind the rapping – which I personally found odd. But when Michiko started trying to mimic her Tou-chan… well, I knew that the Kami were against me.

We kept walking along – Jei and I, hand in hand, with the others spread out a bit more casually than we had been on the trip here. Everyone was ready to crash for the night – even though the sun was still shining. Hayama-sensei had once again set the pace for the entire trip, so no one was in much of a mood for anything.

The aerial pathways eventually ended, and we found ourselves in a valley filled with shops and stands of all kinds and the foot traffic common for a busy marketplace. "This is where we part ways." Kakashi eventually announced, speaking in his usual lazy drawl. "I'm sure Bii-san and his family would like some time to get reacquainted. And we need to start making our own arrangements." That was his way of saying, 'If you have something arranged for us, now is the time to tell us.'

"Relax, one eye, we've got you covered. By us, you and yours won't dare be bothered. Grab a bite at the Smite if you're hu-uh-ngry. Or follow us without a fuss to our home sonny. Oh yeah!" He really just did that for everything he had to say. (-.-)''

"Ah." He looked like he wasn't sure what to say to that – not that I blamed him. "T-thanks." Better than nothing.

"Think nothing of it, Kakashi-san. If anyone is hungry, there is a quaint place nearby Bii-koi and his students frequent, called 'The Smite'. Or if you would rather get some rest – like I do – you can follow us to our home and recuperate there." Aunty translated what her husband said – I think.

Before anyone got any ideas – I glared at Kouji to let me even finish my thought before he declared one option or the other – I figured that Jei and I needed to put in an appearance to shake things up a bit. It was going to suck in the long run, but it simply had to be done. "I think a warm meal would be divine!"

"Jeez, Ai. We've been here less than an hour and you're already declaring war on the local sleaze?" Matsuri had a look, a calculating one. I wasn't sure what she was thinking, but the smirk that worked its way onto her features wasn't comforting. "I'm game."

"Tch." Ame groused. Oh yeah, he was there too! "Fine."

I turned to Kouji and Daichi, the unasked question in my eyes. "You know we're in!" Kouji declared. Daichi just nodded. Good, we had our troops. Now to see who the tagalongs were going to be.

"Tekuno and I will go with them. I'm sure Jei knows his way?" Hayama-sensei was his usual _charming_ self. Jei just nodded. Good, that meant that-

"Kurenai-san, please go with them as well. I don't like the glint in her eye." FUCK! Kakashi you traitor! I humphed, dragging Jei in a random direction. No idea where we were going, but it was time to make a statement.

**#-#**

* * *

A pool hall? The Smite was a pool hall that served junk food? I glared at Jei, hoping he was just pulling a fast one on me. He shrugged, already walking inside. I looked at the guys, who were pretty at ease with the situation. Even Matsuri didn't seem very perturbed.

Was I the only one that saw potential disaster written all over this? Well, maybe Matte-chan would see it if she knew the plan in the first place. I sighed, wondering why I couldn't just get a nice meal and soak before pissing off the head honcho.

Well, the die was cast. It was just a question of who was getting messed up and how bad now. We walked inside, everyone on full alert. Kurenai seemed to sense Kakashi's worry regarding me and obviously agreed with it – she'd been keeping a minimal distance between us.

We took two tables close to each other near the back. I sat with my back to the wall surveying the situation. People were already glaring at us – good. Most were simply aimed at our hitae-ate, I could ignore them. But there were a few… a select few that were glaring at Jei specifically.

Those were of the exact crowd I needed – no guilt for what was going to happen. However there was one that caught my eye – a special one that had obviously followed us in. He was sitting near the door, ordered only after we did and his nose never faced a direction that would draw his attention away from our table. Good.

His eyes met mine for a fraction of a second, before immediately flicking away again. He felt so many things at once, all bad. Most of it was resentment though. Well, he wouldn't need much motivation to get his rear in gear.

I leaned into Jei, whispering into his ear. "I wonder who came up with the idea for the game. I mean, fifteen balls and six holes to put them in? Kind of an odd orgy, don't you think?" His blush was immediate, which was the point. Fuel added, now for the spark. I lay my head on Jei's shoulder, showing how tired I really was. The resentment I felt coming from across the room tripled.

"Hey, jackass!" Houston, we have ignition. "She's too pretty for someone like you! Hand her over!" No one from our tables reacted – too much in shock was my guess. Hell, even the three jounin were speechless, or just taking bets how many broken bones he'd have when I was done with him. I looked up, my eyes narrowing. Even if I was egging him on, that was disrespectful to the **highest** degree.

Kouji jumped up, cursing up a storm. Even Daichi was to the point of exploding. Everyone was ready to beat the shit out of this guy. But Jei… Kami-sama, I felt bad for this guy.

Without even realizing what was going on, Jei's chakra spiked up. And I didn't mean like he was a little upset kind of spiked up. I damn near saw my life flash before my eyes! His eyes locked onto the idiot who had just decided to walk over to us – who was now frozen in place, his eyes wide in horror. He was muttering something along the lines of 'Akuma no gan', the face of the devil?

I turned to Jei, trying to under… sta… nd… "Face…" His face changed. He had four horns – two just above the hairline and one on each cheek – and yellow orbs with thick black outlines superimposed over his eyes. His skinned hardened and was sporting thin lines, almost like he aged a hundred years in a matter of seconds. What I was looking at was the son of a jinchuuriki, and likely the reason he couldn't find a bride in his own village…

Jei turned to me, his heart aching. This was likely a side of him he wanted to never show, probably why he was always so guarded with his emotions. I didn't understand why he felt that way, didn't he trust me? Didn't he love me?

"**LEA**ve!" In the instant between the two syllables, a burst of chakra exploded from Jei. What seemed like a focused typhoon blew the man out the front door and out to the street. Jei's features returned to normal, but I could still sense some of that odd chakra swirling about in him. It was sloughing off, easing into the background. It wasn't breaking down or even being used… it was retreating.

Jei closed his eyes, like he was willing the situation to just go away. When his eyes opened, I saw nothing be resignation. He was ready to face the music, whatever tune it was playing – though I got the distinct impression he was expecting the blues.

I opened my mouth to try to say something, anything! Only, "Kaminari Jei. You are to come with us." Three ANBU operatives were standing far enough away to show they were nervous. I grabbed Jei's hand, squeezing it. When he turned to me, fear giving way to shock, I just smiled at him. If we were going down, then we'd go down together…

**#-#**

* * *

"Jei-kun, really I'm happy to see you after so long. But is this the way you want your aunty to remember you?" Mabui-san was lecturing Jei, obviously wanting to give him a hard time just to get some obscure point across.

"Mabui-san, I believe the intention here is to have an audience with Raikage-sama. Though I can appreciate what you think you're doing." I was already quite cross with her, and most of Kumo to be honest. To praise the father, but crucify the son? Hypocrisy of the highest order.

Mabui gave me a look, like she _smelled_ that I was the cause of his troubles. I crossed my arms, glaring at her with everything I had. There was no way in **hell** I was going to just stand here getting accused of being a bad influence on Jei! "If there is nothing _else_, Kaminari-san, kindly do your _job_ and see if the Raikage has time for us." My tone was so frosty that even Hayama-sensei winced.

She disappeared behind the door, and reappeared almost instantly. "Raikage-sama will see you now." Sensei, Jei and I got up, nodding our thanks. "_Alone_." She was looking at me when she said that. Oh, really?

"I'm certain Kaminari-san realizes that Jei is currently wearing a _Konoha_ hitae-ate. As such, she should be more than aware that he is in fact a _Konoha_ shinobi. Therefore you have no jurisdiction to order him around one way or the other. Add to that that he is here completing an official _Konoha_ mission to guard Kumo's ambassador to _Konoha_, and you can surely understand my hesitance to not adhere to your belittling tone." I was really starting to not like her. Still, a point had to be made here. "To make matters worse you are acting highly suspicious towards him. If I didn't know any better, I might think you wanted him to receive some covert orders that you believe he would need to follow out of love for a village that he no longer calls his own." Political translation: '_I think you are up to no good and in the benefit of Konoha, I cannot allow Jei to go in alone._' However, the more realistic translation would sound more like: '_If anyone is getting ass-raped here, it's you._'

She locked eyes with me, unsure how to even react to that. She knew that my words were in fact politically sound – in fact, it's what she would have said if the shoe was on the other foot. The problem was, she wasn't expecting me to know about that, let alone say it.

We were, of course, shown in without another incident. No doubt she would warn the Raikage about me, so I needed to get her off balance as quickly as possible. "Oh, and Kaminari-san, perhaps you should see a medic. I'm certain there are laws against women in _your condition_ to be on active duty." She stopped her 'covert' signing immediately, shocked to her core.

"Surely a kunoichi of your standing should have known that her period isn't _just_ a few days late." Her hand shot to her belly, both her and the Raikage's eyes were wide as dinner plates.

She stuttered something along the lines of going to get her boss some lunch, or something. Then she tried to pace herself as to hopefully not show how much she wanted to shunshin to the nearest medic or drugstore to 'prove me wrong'. Well, she would have come across the way she wanted, if this was a video on fast-forward. Oh well.

"I trust that Raikage-sama will be able to focus on the task at hand?" I asked, bringing him back to the present. When his eyes focused on me, I made slow handsigns for the Silence Barrier Jutsu – a fairly standard procedure when discussing things with a kage. Once the barrier was up, I got down to business. "Stop hiding behind that plant, Jiraiya. Seriously, you have some sort of plant fetish!"

Behind me and to my left, the air surrounding a potted plant swirled unnaturally. Then, magically, Jiraiya the Toad Sage appeared. _Wow_. All hail the bane of potted plants everywhere. "I never seem to get any respect from the youth!" He announced, pretending to cry.

"I see." Was all the Raikage said. There was a long silence – he seemed to be curious about something, but unsure how to broach the subject.

"Yes, I plotted a way to get into your office without making an appointment. It is, after all, bad form for a genin to have a private meeting with someone else's kage." I offered, then smiled when he didn't seem any less pensive. "And yes, she's pregnant. With twins if I had to guess."

"…" He wasn't even fighting to keep back his tears. That's either really sweet, or **really creepy**.

Hayama-sensei coughed, obviously uncomfortable with the direction this meeting was taking. "Anyway, to the matter at hand." I could only smirk at that. Leave it to sensei to actually have to balls to say that to a kage from another village. Let alone an obviously emotional one with a penchant for violence – it didn't take a genius to see that the walls had been patched up recently, after all.

"Well, like I told you last time," Jiraiya began the meeting, seriously this time. It was time to put things into motion. So why did I get the sinking impression it was going to suck? Well, more than I had expected?

**#-#**

* * *

I just sat there, watching the sunset. Watching and wondering. Ka-san hadn't been honest with her motifs. I was supposed to set up that meeting under those circumstances to ensure the Raikage's willingness to work with the stipulations she'd presented me with before we left. It was to ensure that he had political motif to station ANBU outside the house we were to stay in, to have an addition team in the house as well. That was the plan.

Only, Jiraiya had presented a scroll with other plans. Plans that included protecting me by isolating me for the duration of my stay. ME! Not my team, not my friends, not my comrades. Just _me_. Ka-san wanted to ensure I stayed alive no matter what.

I could understand _why_, but it still hurt. It hurt bad. Now that we arrived three weeks before the scheduled arrival date, which was two weeks before the Chuunin Selections Exams were scheduled to begin… that meant that I had five weeks with nothing to do and nowhere to go. I was under house arrest in Jei's familial home.

The official reason was that this was my punishment for instigating the altercation. And what did Jei get? Four weeks of training with his dad in Unraikyou Valley to help control himself. So not only was I to suffer five weeks of never leaving the house, but I wouldn't even have Jei around for most of it!

I sighed. Things just weren't looking up. Why hadn't I seen through Ka-san's deception? Why didn't I figure out that she would do anything to keep her only daughter safe in a dangerous situation? Even if the price was my trust, I'd be alive for her to earn it back. Hindsight's always 20/20.

Well, if this was how it was going to be, then I would at least face it comfortably. I had discarded my kimono the second I arrived 'home', and I pretty much swore off wearing on again. That's why I came to the indoor swimming pool that Jei's father called a 'tub'. Water always calmed me down, and I **really** needed to calm down before I hurt somebody.

"Ai." Jei called out my name. I was slow to turn to him, not wanting him to see me full of doubt and anger – he was likely to think it was because of him, which wasn't true. Well, some anger was reserved for him, but that was because he didn't trust me!

"Why didn't you tell me?" Best to get the worst of it out of the way. "Did you think I would-"

"The last girl that saw that was also my fiancée." He interrupted me. Fiancée? That word kicked the air out my lungs. "Her name was Kaminari Essu. Our mothers made a marriage contract and our parents signed it the day I was born." And you hid this from me, because…

"When I graduated from the Academy here, her family was invited to the celebration. That was the first time we met. She was already sixteen, twice my age. She got upset that I was so young, started calling me names, throwing things at me. Then, something she threw hit Ka-san. She was fine, and swore it didn't hurt, but it hit her pretty hard." He was babbling. I knew Michiko had to get it from somewhere.

"So what happened?" I reminded him to get to the point.

"That was the first time I…" His first partial transformation. I highly doubted he would be capable of a complete transformation, but I simply didn't know enough about the offspring of jinchuuriki to say for certain. "She freaked when she realized what happened. She refused to spend the rest of her life 'serving a demon'." The look in his eyes told me a story, one much broader and deeper than the words he just told me. She **hurt** him. Deeply.

I got up, walking over the water towards him. I wanted so bad to slap the teeth out of his mouth – come on, on top of everything else, he didn't tell me he was fucking **engaged**! "Jei, listen and listen good. I'm so pissed off with you right now that I can barely see straight." I told him bluntly.

"I-"

"No, shut up and listen. I'm not done." His eyes were shining a bit, a sign that he was already imaging how this was going to end. "You should have trusted me, Jei. Even if it was something that hurts, you should have trusted me! You know how much our relationship used to scare me! You know how hard it was for me to open up the way I did! So why should I open my heart to you, while you keep everything locked away?!"

Tears were spilling down his cheek. Kami-sama, I wanted so bad to hug him, to make it all go away. But if I did that, what was the guarantee that he wouldn't do that again? How would I know for sure that he wouldn't withhold major shit like that again? I needed him to trust me with things like that! I mean, how could we hope to build a life together if he couldn't talk about what was hurting him?

When I reached in front of him, I drew back my hand. I knew that he needed me to slap the shit out of him – to knock some sense into him! Deciding, to hell with it, I hugged him anyway.

"No more secrets, Jei." I whispered, choking back my tears. "I don't think my heart can take more of that. Okay?" He was slow to hug me back, but when he did I felt his tears trickling down my face.

"Okay…" We stayed like that for… well, forever. Just holding each other, knowing the other was there. After all… he was supposed to be leaving with his father first thing in the morning.

**#-#**

* * *

"So this is how it feels to see your boyfriend off on missions." I mused, watching Jei and his dad walk off into the distance. Jei and I had spent the whole night talking, about everything. It was a bit of an unfair conversation to be honest, seeing as I didn't have a single memory before arriving in Konoha.

Still, watching him fade into the horizon was a bit… much. I hugged myself, praying he'd return quickly. "You'd think that after seeing your husband off to war would make this easier." Aunty Itsuko murmured, probably thinking I wouldn't hear her. Yeah, she seemed every bit as _happy_ about the situation as I.

Together we trudged back into the house, miserable but smiling anyway. She went into the kitchen to get lunch started, I went into the sitting room to make sure the troops didn't kill each other – I promised to help her after I had sorted everyone out.

"-keep this up you'll just raise your blood pressure. Because of that you'll end with a weak heart and headaches. Eventually you'll have to give up on your shinobi career because of all the medication you'll-"

"SHUT UP, **OMOI**!" If I had to guess, that would be the redhead that seemed more trouble than she was worth. Well, to be honest, both of them got on my nerves real quick. Too bad their 'fearless leader' mostly kept out of their constant bickering.

"That's pretty much what I'm talking about, Karui. Maybe if you had bigger breast like Samui you'd get asked on more dates. That way you wouldn't feel-" I was pretty sure the loud banging noises that followed was Omoi getting pummeled, throttled or repeatedly bashed into the exact spot he had occupied at the time of the altercation.

As I rounded the last corner, I saw pretty much what I expected to see. One dark skinned, white haired male sprawled out on the floor with a welt the size of a softball decorating his skull (Omoi). Over him was a dark skinned redhead who was still clearly pissed off at her teammate, but no longer had direct reason to lash out (Karui). And over to one side was a milky skinned blond that was just watching the scene as it played out (Samui).

Well, at least they didn't need to be entertained. Hina (as Hinata would be referred to for the duration of our stay in Kumo) was laughing at something Naruto-nii said. The others were already out, deciding they didn't want to be cooped up all day.

Well, other than Kouji and Daichi. They'd decided, 'If Ai can't leave, neither will we.' Goofy and annoying as they could be, I knew they had my back. They'd always have my back.

I nodded at the pair, not really able to say how grateful I was for having them there with me. They looked at me, worry clearly etched on their faces. Not wanting them to fretting over me, I smiled trying to act like everything was okay – they weren't convinced.

"So this is the little demon's girl?" My eyes locked onto Karui's instantly. Whatever I had felt moments earlier, was now completely forgotten. All I could feel now was an irritation that bordered too close to hatred for my own comfort.

"I'm sorry, I must have misunderstood you. Could you kindly repeat that?" The anger in the room died immediately, the others were now worried that I was going to kill this woman. International incident or no, badmouthing **my** Jei wasn't gonna fly.

"What? Are you Jei's girl or not?" She seemed a bit more cautious this time, her eyes flicking from person to person. I noticed that her cocky smile, was now shadow of its former glory.

"Funny. I could almost swear you called Jei 'the little demon'. _Certainly_ I **must** have heard _wrong_." I balled my fist so hard that I heard every joint crack in protest. Hinata was next to me, trying to calm me down – she's the reason I still hadn't disfigured Kiba.

"No, you heard right. Everyone here calls him 'little-" I was in her face before she could even say _that word_ again.

"I will only warn you once." Naruto-nii grabbed both of my arms, pulling me back as best he could – I was using a variant of the tree walking exercise to stay put, so he had to use considerably more force than he otherwise would have. Before I was out of range, I launched a kick with enough force to not just break, but disintegrate the bones in her neck. Unfortunately, that meant I no longer had the traction I needed, so Nii-san pulled me out of range. "Never. **Ever**. Call. Jei. That." I growled.

"Alright, Imouto-chan. I think it's time you called it a night." Naruto announced, motioning for the others to follow. At ten in the morning, I was being forced to 'call it a night'? Wonderful.

**#-#**

* * *

"She called Jei a WHAT?!" I heard Matsuri's voice clearly through the door. There were some murmurs, mostly along the lines of either calming down or at least being quiet about it. "What'd Ai do?"

More murmurs followed. "I still think she got off easy." Came the Nara's conclusion. I moved closer to the door, placing my ear against it to hear what was being said.

"Are you nuts? If I hadn't… head clean off, 'TTEBAYO!" Nii-san said. I rolled my eyes, what made him think she was safe being stuck in this house with me for five weeks?

"Yeah, she's still breathing. But now Ai has five weeks to plot anything she wants. Or did you think she'd just let this go because she got some sleep?" Well, someone got it!

"Oh yeah?! So what? I'm s-supposed to just l-let it h-happen?!" Karui was nervous. Good. She deserved to lose some sleep, the-

"Well, whether you 'let it happen' or not, you should stay on your toes. Ai is slow to anger and quick to forgive. However, you will find out that _I_ am **much** less _forgiving_. And seeing as you insulted my teammate…" I felt every Konoha shinobi in that room shiver at Matsuri's tone.

I slid the door open, walking in just in time to see Karui's full-body-cringe. "Hey guys! Miss me?" My tone was pleasant, but Karui still got a withering glare.

"Ai. Stop plotting against our allies, please." Hinata crossed her arms, obviously pissed off about something.

"Nee-san, I don't know what you're talking about." I lied easily. "_I_ haven't touched her."

"Aaaaaiiiii…" I winced at her tone. I looked at her, wondering if she really knew. When she pointed at an empty spot on the ceiling right above Karui, I knew I was busted. "Shadow clones, just like any other clone, count as an extension of yourself."

"Imouto-chan, just let it go!" Naruto-nii butt in. My clone, of course, chose that exact moment to show my willingness to 'just let it go'. She let go of the ceiling, freefalling towards a still unsuspecting redhead. I knew this, because the Chameleon technique is damn near impossible to maintain properly while moving around at even moderate speeds – there was a slight motion in the color surrounding my clone.

Before anything happened though, a kunai pierced my clone's heart, dispelling her. Then, something even worse happened: I sifted through her memories. "I'll call that little demon anything I want to? And his little love-struck bitch should be housebroken?" I quoted through clenched teeth. I had been _moderately upset_ before. But this? The feeling coursing through my veins was many things, but 'moderately upset' was no longer an adequate description.

I felt a heat rising up my neck, swimming around my skull. My hands were shaking, my nails piercing my palms and drawing enough blood that the floor was being painted red. This was a level of _emotion_ I'd never reached before in my life.

"I told you that tongue of yours would get you killed one day." Samui said evenly. I noticed that she had grabbed Omoi by his shoulder, backing away from the damned. Everyone seemed content in abandoning Karui to her fate – good.

I was folding my hand in front of me, making a Tiger handsign. My stomach was almost immediately full with water, so I started compressing to half its volume. I forced it up esophagus, collecting it in my mouth and compressed it even further. My eyes hadn't left Karui's the entire time, bathing her in the intensity of my raw emotions. I could see sweat rolling down the side of her face – evidence that she was not unaffected. I focused on her, studying her every minute flux of chakra, aiming the bullet that was going to end her career. I didn't want to kill her… no, there were many things in this life worse than death. It was time for her to be introduced to a few of th-

SLAP!

My head snapped to my right, the ball I'd been forming fell out of my mouth – only, it didn't splash. I looked in front of me, to find a very cross Hyuuga, with her face bandaged up. Her lips curled downward in a frown and the unique chakra signature that showed her Byakugan to not simply be active, but studying every inch of my being as if daring me to try something.

"Ai. Go. To. Your. Room." The hand she just slapped me with was still poised as if to continue its onslaught with a backhand slap. "**_NOW_**!" I flinched. Deciding not to test her patience any further, I turned and walked through the same door I had entered the room from.

"Please accept my apologies on behalf of my sister. She tends to be very protective of those she loves." I heard Naruto-nii say formally. I didn't even have the mental capacity to gawk at the minor miracle – I was too busy trying to close the weeping cuts in my palms. Not to mention the busted lip I just got.

**#-#**

* * *

It had been a full week since that altercation. I hadn't seen Karui anywhere since, but that's the way I wanted it. There was little I had to say to the kunoichi, and from the fact she hadn't sought me out, I'd say it was mutual.

What stung though, was Hinata's little chat when she had cooled off that day. '_If you go around hating everyone that hates the man you love… you'll never bring him any peace._' If there was anyone alive that could understand how I felt, it was Hinata. I'd asked her how she managed to not hate others for how they treated Naruto…

'_Easy, you stack up that emotion against the love you feel for him. Which one will win?_' It wasn't the miracle cure that would make all my anger disappear, but it helped me put things in perspective. So I left things as they were between Karui and I. So long as she didn't say anything where I could hear her, it was fine by me. Mostly. Sort of… well, something like that.

By now I'd sent out dozens of shadow clones to Jei. Sometimes to bring him a meal, other times just to see how he was doing. There was one time my clone had healed a cut he got from messing up a jutsu his dad was teaching him. But each clone would kiss Jei and tell him how much I loved him before dispelling.

There was however one thing that intrigued me. Someone who was trained by Jei's father, hating his son? That didn't make any sense. So I thought it was time for a little insight into the soul of Team Samui. And who better to ask than Samui herself?

I made my way to the sitting room, only to find it empty. I checked the porch, empty as well. Perhaps the kitchen? "Hey aunty, have you seen Samui-san?" I asked, hoping to get a straight answer.

"I sent her out with her team to bring Bii-koi something to eat." She answered, a warm smile on her face. I smiled too; she'd probably get disappointed, seeing as I had sent out a clone four hours earlier to do pretty much the same thing.

"Okay. Any idea when they'll be back? I kinda wanted to ask her about something important."

"Like why Karui is so loose-lipped regarding my son?" She had a knowing smile on her lips, her eyebrow slightly elevated. It's like she was wondering why I thought she wouldn't figure it out already.

"Maybe." I didn't want to hear it from her – she'd likely just tell me what she thought I needed to hear to placate me. I needed the undiluted truth, to make up my own mind.

"Fine. I'll let her know you were looking for her." I nodded, turning to head back to my room. There was still one project I was working on that I wanted done before the CSE. I'd made it back to the room Matsuri, Moegi and I were sharing, when I felt the influx of memories the dispersal of my shadow clone brought me.

I got an instant headache. I was half tempted to meditate to sort through the memories a bit better, but those final words Jei spoke… No, it was better if I just lie down and go to sleep. I'd deal with that another day.

**#-#**

* * *

Training. That's the only word that could describe my time in Kumo. Training. Training, training and more training. Kouji, Daichi and I started playing games of hide and seek, shinobi style.

We'd take turns being 'it', making it as challenging as possible. The only rules were that we had to stay in the house at all times, and we had to remain hidden. For the rest, it was no holds barred. After a while, the others started bugging us about joining in, but we wouldn't let them. This was our thing, this was our gimmick. Konohamaru and his team were heavy combatants. Jei and his team were more for interrogation and (surprisingly) tactics. Naruto and his team? Not sure what they had going for them. Two jounin level genin and the wild card Fuki… meh.

But Team Hayama? We were the sneaky ones. Sensei had been training us to stalk our prey, to pounce **only** when the time was just right. He'd taught us the patience we needed to move around the house at snail's pace, to see and hear everything while moving completely soundlessly. He'd taught us to be… shadows.

It was my turn to be it. You'd think that meant it'd be an easy round – seeing as I knew exactly where the guys were. But no, that would be no fair. I had to tag them to win. That meant I not only had to keep track of where they were, but I also had to make sure no one else interfered with our game. The jounin were especially troublesome in that regard – not the least of which was Kakashi. They would take turns messing things up for us.

They'd pretend it was all innocent, but there were only so many times they could open a door to let the others go, or close them to trap them without being obvious – like Kakashi.

He'd been going out of his way to toy with us. "You know, Kurenai-san. I think it's a bit chilly in here. Would you mind closing that door?" Yup, Kouji just made it through that damn door! Now I'd have to go around the room, through the kitchen, through the side door and across the hallway to get to him. And that was **if** Kakashi didn't come up with another lame excuse to open the door to give Kouji _yet__another_ freebie.

The door slid shut, just as Kurenai started complaining. "If you feel like toying with her, then you should get up and shut the door yourself."

"What are you talking about, Kurenai-san. We're the only ones in the room, aren't we?" He drawled. I just rolled my eyes, like anyone would buy that.

"By the way, did you hear about Hayama's orders to give Ai _that_ scroll? The way she's been moping about, I'd almost be led to believe she hasn't read it." I rolled my eyes, wondering what he was playing at this time. Is that why he wanted Kouji out the room? To tell me something indirectly?

"Yes, and I believe her words were: at _his_ discretion." She was clearly trying to figure out where this was going, just like me…. Only she was more than a little ticked.

"Hn? I must have missed that part. Well, it's a good thing she doesn't know then, isn't it?" I narrowed my eyes at him and his stupid one-eyed-smile that makes him look like a pedophile on the prowl.

I bit back a growl, making my way out of the room. Well, after this round, I guess sensei would be paid a little visit.

**#-#**

* * *

"Your team's becoming quite skilled, you know that don't you?" Tekuno-sensei asked his friend. Hayama-sensei, of course, just nodded. "Even with four jounin messing with them, it's getting harder and harder to do so subtly." Sensei just shrugged that time.

"You know that the other genin can't track them at all?" Another nod, so far Hayama-sensei had been remarkably tight-lipped. "Even Kurenai's team has to focus to keep track of them now. A **tracking** team is having a hard time keeping track of three wet behind the ears genins, Oyabun!" Takuno-sensei seemed to be hamming it up quite a bit.

"I'm aware."

"So what gives? Why haven't you recommended them for any specialized training yet?" Tekuno-sensei had no idea I was listening, did he?

"They do not need it."

"Hey, buddy, this is me you're talking to here. Stop hiding behind that 'you wouldn't understand' attitude. You've got three genin who are consistently outperforming the average chuunin squad, and you're trying to tell me they don't have the skills needed?"

"Ai can hear you."

"I know you can hear me, Hayama. But are you listening to me?" I rolled my eyes, wondering if I should help sensei out on that one. Nah, I'm getting way too much free info.

"Ai-chan, please come out here before this idiot makes things worse." There was a sputtering sound, like Tekuno-sensei didn't quite know how to react. Or was he reacting to being called an idiot?

"And give up on all the newsflashes? Sensei, why would I _want_ to do that?" I stopped concealing my chakra, walking to towards the wayward pair. I took me more than an hour to find them here on the roof!

"Tekuno."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll uh, see you two back inside." I rolled my eyes, finally understanding their relationship a little. Not much, mind you. Just enough to know why Hayama is considered the 'boss'.

"How many hints does it take for a genin to know she's being lied to?" I asked him plainly.

"Quite a few, seeing as you never cared to realize before now." I blushed, knowing he had a point there. "Sit down, Ai. There is much to discuss."

I walked over, sitting next to him. We admired the view for a bit, neither really saying anything. "So why weren't we ever recommended for any specialized training?"

"You weren't ready." He answered curtly. "You still aren't."

"Why do you think that?" I wasn't upset. In fact I mostly agreed with him, we weren't ready for that yet.

"Because you don't know who you are." He said. That confused me a bit. "You are a B-rank Medic. B, possibly A-rank ranged combat specialist. B-rank fuuinjutsu specialist. A-rank sensor. You can use up to B-rank Suiton jutsu and up to C rank Futon jutsu. You have the chakra reserves most jounin could admire and intelligence that rivals the Nara. Yet, you do not see yourself as anything special. Why is that?"

I kinda just sat there, trying to take it all in. In essence he was saying I should have been taking the Jounin Selection Exams, not chuunin. "Sensei… I'm… I'm just not as strong as I need to be."

"Strong enough to do what? Rival the Shodai and Nidaime Hokages?" He asked. I suspected he might be teasing me, or toying with me. But his face was as if set in stone, his voice calm. I sighed.

"Senju Tobirama was said to have been peerless with his Suiton Jutsu. He earned the name Mizu no Kami, the water god, at the age of twenty, because even Kiri shinobi feared his prowess. He was even reputed to be so good with kenjutsu that Kiri created the Seven Swordsmen of Kiri in honor of him." I recited, but I wasn't done.

"Senju Hashirama was the second in the Senju line to earn the title Shinobi no Kami, the god of Shinobi. The first being the Rikudo Sennin himself. He was so feared that no one dared to declare war on Konoha until after his death."

"Senju Tsunade earned the title Sannin no Dansetsu at the age of twenty-four. Even though she considers herself a medic, she is able to go toe to toe with Jiraiya and Orochimaru. She single handedly restructured the hospital hierarchy. She created the Medic Nin Code, which forbids any medic to engage the enemy directly. She even created over a hundred jutsus which are now considered to be the base of Konoha Medics' knowledge."

"Those are big sandals to fill, Ai." Sensei said almost wistfully.

"That's why, sensei." I choked back my tears. "That's why I'm still nothing special. Until I can stand beside legends like that and not feel insignificant, I can't even begin to see myself as something special."

**#-#**

* * *

"Nope, you see this 'tama' here was supposed to be an 'odama'." Nii-san pointed out the flaws of the fuuin he was teaching me. It wasn't even that major. I mean that symbol just had to be twice as wide. That's all! "If you'd done that with a live seal, you might have imploded the target's skull."

"That sounds painful." I conceded, wondering what else was wrong that he wasn't telling me.

"And this 'uzu' can be switched out for what symbol?" He pointed at the swirl in the center, where I would have to apply chakra to activate the seal.

"It can't. The whirlpool allows for a delicate mix of events that trap the target with no chance of escape." Stop trying to trick me, Nii-san. It won't work!

"Alright. You've got this one down pat." He praised, petting my hair.

"Hey, Nii-san. Can I ask you something?" I asked, putting my brush and inks away.

"Always, Imouto-chan."

"Do you think I'm… special?" I asked, trying to hide my blush. It felt awkward having to ask him something like this. But mostly, I was worried that he wouldn't be able to be objective enough to give me a serious answer.

"What's this about, Ai? Is Kiba giving you grief again?"

"No." I wondered at that. "Well, no more than usual I guess. The thing is that I'm just…" Shit, did I really want to put those feelings into words?

"You feel like you don't know where you are or where you're going. You hope your awesome big brother has all the answers you can't find." I just glared at him, trying to figure out where the hell that came from. Sure, it was kinda what I sorta meant. But that was a bit much, coming from him.

"Let me ask you something, Ai. If you have to describe yourself with ten words or less, what would you say?" Okay, vague much?

"Huh?"

"Seriously, try it." He motioned for me to get on with it.

Shaking my head, I wondered what I would say. I mean… What was there to say? I could talk about my friends for days on end. I could say what this one needed help with, or what that one rocked at. But with me? What was there to be said about me?

"I dunno."

"You see, that's the problem. You're just floating along, waiting for the opportunity to come to you. Nothing will ever happen like that, dattebayo!" When did Nii-san suddenly get so insightful? "You just doubted your Nii-san, didn't you."

"No." (^-^)''

"_Sure_ you didn't. Anyway. What you need to do is start looking at your life from the outside looking in. So don't view things as 'What should I do?', but more as 'What should _Ai_ do?'. You see what I mean?" That… might actually work. Simple, but… pure genius at the same time.

"Who are you and what have you done with my Nii-san?" I teased, smiling at the man he was becoming before my very eyes.

He was scratching the back of his head, bashful but still pleased that I was impressed with him. "Heh, I guess you could say being the head of a household makes you grow up a bit. Besides, I promised Tsunade-ba-chan I'd watch over you."

I smiled at him, shaking my head. No matter how much he had changed, he was still the same old Nii-san.

**#-#**

* * *

It had been a month since arriving in Kumo. A month. Things were getting pretty busy around the village too. I couldn't legally say I'd been out and about, but shadow clones work best in these types of situations.

Hitae-ate from all villages across the Elemental Nations litter the streets. Everyone in Kumo was in high spirits – tourists have little choice _but_ to spend money after all. But there's a nervous tension among the shinobi. They never showed it, but I sensed it none the less.

Most nations' genin were just the usual level of nervous before a major exam. However, there were four notable exceptions to that: Kumo, Oto, Iwa and us. Ka-san didn't send any other teams from Konoha – she didn't seem to like the doomsday tune being hummed. Okay, that's kind of off subject…

Um, Iwa's genin teams were pretty numerous. I counted no less than thirty teams, which meant thirty jounin as well, naturally. Oto, being a fairly minor village in a fairly minor country, sent fifteen teams.

Just to draw a reference of how much that stuck out, Shimogakure – also a minor village of about the same size village and country, who also happened to be allied with Kumo and the Land of Lightning on a whole – had sent four genin teams. Now, for villages much farther away to send that much more to a village they weren't necessarily allied with…

Would I have noticed any this if it hadn't been explained to me beforehand? I wondered about that. No, I probably wouldn't have. I would have been too busy dragging Jei from one stand to the next, enjoying the festival to the fullest. Enjoying one's childhood is great, but surviving past it is better.

"If you're done contemplating the universe, I'd like an update." Sensei teased. He'd never have used that many words otherwise. I opened my eyes, watching him intently. Even upside down he had this way of being annoying when I was trying to think. "You know, even when I can't see you I can still tell when you're rolling your eyes."

I released the Chameleon Jutsu, letting him see me roll my eyes at him. "Whatever you say, sensei." Letting myself drop from the ceiling, I twisted to not land on my head.

"So are we only looking at Iwa and Oto, or are there others involved?" He asked, just as I was assessing if I landed soundlessly or not. Which meant I wouldn't hear the lack of a tap due to his voice – asshole.

"Only those two are acting off. It's always possible that others are involved, but I doubt it." I said. Then a thought hit me. "What would they need others for? Seeing as they have at least forty-five jounin in Kumo, they could easily use those numbers to try to overpower us. Couldn't they?"

"Fifteen to one odds." Sensei let that roll around his skull a bit. The frown he was sporting told me all I needed to know. "Did you get a reading on all genin?"

"Most. I still have a few teams to scope, but you know-"

"They could be suppressing their chakra, making it difficult to gauge their actual skill. I know, but it's better than nothing." We were silent for a bit, both trying to take in the scope of how screwed we likely were. "Jei and Bii-san arrived ten minutes ago. It's meeting time."

**#-#**

* * *

* * *

We all gathered in the sitting room. Teams Kakashi, Hayama, Takuno and Ebisu were all present and accounted for. Team Kurenai was there as well, mostly for support and intelligence. We were also graced with the presence of some very special guests: Sandaime Hokage Sarutobi Hiruzen, Yondaime Raikage Kaminari Ei and Jiraiya of the sannin.

Well, Temari-san was there with us too, but she didn't quite have the same clout. Sorry, it's true.

"I trust you all know what the meaning of this meeting is." Sandaime-sama began, after puffing out some cancer inducing bullshit. I had to remind myself to not growl at the bad habit.

"First we are to pool together the information we've been gathering. Then we are to discus our strategy for the exams." Kakashi spoke, for once being serious.

"Alright, we'll start with Team Tekuno's findings." Sandaime-sama nodded at his own words.

"Ame and Matsuri have interviewed quite a few Oto genin. They disguised themselves as genin from Hoshigakure and started a fight with Naruto to gain their trust. Over the course of the last month they have rendezvoused with them at least once a week, and have made some interesting discoveries." Tekuno-sensei explained. Well, that strategy was simply awesome! It'd never work on jounin, but genin would fall for it every time!

"Other than the obvious hatred they hold for Konoha, they also seemed very informed about the teams sent. They knew the names and official stats of each member of each Konoha team. They also knew some basic strategies against the better know techniques they might expect. For example, Matsuri's Kagemane jutsu, each genin was told to avoid bright places and places with lots of shadows, should they face her. It was in fact advised to ambush her team at night, preferably while the moon was hiding behind the clouds." Well, it's a good thing Matsuri's been working on some tricks of her own then, huh.

"I see. What else?" Sandaime-sama asked.

"They also seemed well informed of the actual stages of the exam. They were taught the answers to all ten questions of the first round and recited the questions and answers without much thought. It's been drilled into them, Hokage-sama." Tekuno-sensei said. I rolled my eyes, knowing exactly what the Raikage was about to say.

"Well, then they're in for a surprise! We're changing all three rounds!" I rolled my eyes, having suspected just that.

"Actually, Raikage-sama, I have a suggestion for you." Sandaime-sama began. "An age old tradition in Konoha to test each participant's mind, technique and body." My eyes narrowed at that – those were Tobirama's favorite words! I really didn't like where this was going…

"We'll discuss that later. I wouldn't want your 'genin' to get any unfair advantages." I rolled my eyes at the assumption we were more than genin. True, we probably were, but we were still being treated like… umm, I mean paid like… hmm… when was the last time I took a D-ranked mission?

Fine, whatever.

"Of course. Now, Team Kakashi, what did you find out?" Sandaime-sama continued.

"Well, we've made copies of the files of each team, and cross-referenced what we know about the jounin-senseis." He said, handing out folders to everyone, including the genin. "All Iwa jounin are war veterans. No famous ones, but all of them are survivors of battles Minato-sensei took part in."

"As well, each genin has taken part in at least one B-rank mission. Some of them even A-rank. They are all at least nineteen years of age, and most of them were involved in the skirmishes between Iwa and Taki last year. It is very likely for them to target the Taki teams that are here, out of spite or revenge."

"Most?" Sandaime wondered at the discrepancy.

"Yes, it would seem that ten kunoichi are the only exceptions." Kakashi eyed Jei with that one. Ten… coincidentally the same amount of brides they offered from Iwa for Jei to select as his bride.

"So they sent ten whores to woo Jei." I intoned.

"… Moving on." Kakashi completely ignored that comment. "They also were very careful to conceal the true identity of one jounin. He happens to be the ANBU Commander, and the Tsuchikage's son, Kitsuchi. I believe his team will present the most trouble, and their sole kunoichi happens to be one of the ten oddities." When I finally got my folder, I blazed through to the jounin and his team.

"Team 'Oote'. As in checkmate? Could they make it any more obvious?" Matsuri complained, mere moments after I read the name myself.

"If they want to play this like shogi, then I saw we give them a taste of their own medicine." I recognized all three genin. They were the most arrogant of the bunch – the most cocksure. "Are we allowed to… sabotage the teams before we get to the dangerous rounds?"

Both kages looked at each other, shrugging. "It's legal. So why bother ask?" The Raikage asked in return.

"Ai, before you go and start plotting your preemptive revenge. I'd like to know what you've found out." Sandaime interrupted me, sad that he knew I was doing just that.

"How would she know anything? She hasn't left this house since arriving!" The Raikage seemed put out. Clearly I was better than I suspected.

I ignored that, choosing to reveal my cards instead. "Well, most of the genin aren't really all that impressive. There are only eight of them I would advise caution when facing." I filtered through the folder to find what teams they were on. "And interestingly, we have four teams where they are paired up with a kunoichi that I was not impressed with."

Kakashi came over to check which ones I meant. "All of them have a kunoichi that belong to the ten I mentioned."

I smirked. There was a chance I was wrong, but I began suspecting I knew their game plan. "Hokage-sama, I believe it's time to start talking strategy." Matsuri and Ame smirked as well. The guys were all cracking their knuckles, or… well, Udon was wiping his nose, without a tissue! That's disgusting! And unhygienic! Ew!

At least Kouji and Daichi only carry on like that in the field! We were in a fucking house! He could have asked someone to get him a tissue for fuck's sake! "Ai, what are you thinking?" Matsuri brought me back to the situation at hand. I shivered, already thinking about how much fun this was going to be.

"Hey Nii-san? You in the mood for some old school pranking?"

**End Chapter 19**

**#-#**

* * *

**_A/N: Well, that's it! Next up, the first exam of Kumo's Chuunin Selection Exams! Yes, I have some unique ideas for all three exams. Please keep in mind that things are going to start heating up with the exams. And they won't exactly be cooling down any time soon._**

**_As always, I'd like to thank Elivira for smacking me around to get things done right! But I'd also like to thank everyone that has been pointing out my mistakes and telling me what I'm messing up. So THANK YOU REVIEWERS! Moka-girl, Dragon of typing, ex-ellent, Keja-B, Setokaiva (don't worry, you're dreams will come true), xArtehx (thank you for your patience with my quirks as a writer), Guest fox (once a year? Seriously? I'd sooner jump in front of a train!), Kine X (I'm still working on updating all the previous chapters, sorry about that), Ka, irfane, Womgi, vantweet, kenegi (haven't heard from you in a while, you still with me?), shirokuromokona (same, Shiro! Jeez, I miss your reviews! Don't make me beg TT-TT), Generator X, ColdCypher, Arwenia (Really, you're going to make me beg. I know you are.), and ExtremelyAddictedReader. I know I've been changing my style over the course of this fic, but I hope that isn't scaring you guys off! Anyhoo!  
_**

**_I have put a lot of effort into hidden hints and subtle foreshadowing up until this chapter. That will still be the case, but a lot of those little hints are going to come back._**

**_The next chapters are going to put a lot of things in perspective. And I mean just that. As I mentioned in the author's note at the end of Chapter 18, this chapter doesn't really do a lot for the plot. It just shows a lot regarding Ai and Jei – well, other than introducing Killer Bii (did I get his raps annoying enough for you guys? And yes, he said 'rome' instead of 'room', that wasn't a typo)._**

**_What I really wanted from these two chapters was to set the mood for what is to come. I think I've foreshadowed enough. Just don't complain to me if you guys notice that things are starting to get shaken up a bit. Ja ne!_**


	20. Cruelty, woe, doom, MOO!

_**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**_

_**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**_

_**Chapter 20 - Cruelty, woe, doom... MOO!**_

**_#-#_**

* * *

One week. Seven days. A hundred and... sixty-eight hours? Why was I calculating the amount of hours in a week? Seriously? "Ai, you're thinking something weird again, aren't you." Jei asked. No! Everyone was smirking a little too broadly at me. Stalkers.

Anyway, Sandaime-sama was waiting to hear my strategy. And clearly Raikage-sama was curious as well.

"So anyway. Here's the game plan. Since we are grossly outnumbered, we are going to fight dirty. Matsuri, you and Ame are going to keep meeting up with your Iwa contacts. We don't _need_ more info, you just have you to monitor their mental health as the week progresses. Take Daichi with you as your third teammate. I know I can depend on him to keep you safe if things go wrong." The pair nodded, curious why that would be needed.

"Naruto, I need you, Kouji and Konohamaru to go on a pranking spree. Anyone with an Oto or Iwa headband needs to learn to fear Konoha. Don't do anything illegal, and be prepared for lethal response at all times." The three boys nodded, not unhappy with their jobs.

"Udon and Moegi, I'm trusting the two of you to support Konohamaru if things go bad. Udon, make sure all his plans are solid. Moegi, if he's being a 'guy' about it, make sure to straighten him out." Two nods abound, accompanied by one sullen looking Sarutobi.

"Good, that marks two of the three main teams we're sending out. Fuki and Kosuke-san. I trust both of you are capable of applying a premade fuuin?" Both nodded to me, but neither seemed sure about the details. "Good, I'm going to need both of you tonight for one of the craziest missions of your lives."

"Being?" Sandaime-sama asked.

"The goal is to combine the stress of the already known situation, with the stress of the pranks from hell. However, that is just the surface layer of this plan. It will serve as a convenient explanation for the effects of my mission tonight." That got everyone's attention real quick.

"The three of us will sneak into the hotel room of each Iwa and Oto team and mark them with one of two fuuin." I explain seriously, taking both fuuin out from my pouch and showing them so they'll know what I'm talking about. "All males will receive the fuuin that will deny the bearer a good night's rest. All females will receive the fuuin that induces their monthly visitor. Both effects will be last until the fuuin is removed."

"How do they work?" Naruto-nii asked, obviously wanting to verify they'll do their jobs.

"The one for the kunoichi is the simpler of the two. All it does is release a constant flow of hormones that force the body to think it's time for menstruation. They have to be placed on a very sensitive spot, so naturally I will be placing them myself." All the guys looked a little pasty at that – even Saru-ji-chan! I just rolled my eyes. No matter how tough a guy believes he is, one month as a girl would break him. The cowards!

"The fuuin for the guys is a bit more complex. It will basically deny the brain the ability to reboot." I check to see if that's enough for them to follow, or if they need more details. Matsuri motions for me to get on with it. "Okay, when we sleep our brains go through several stages to make sure each part of our body is well rested. If every stage is completed properly, we wake up well rested and ready for a brand new day. But if one stage is not completed, or not completed properly, we wake up with aches and pains, feeling tired and groggy… etcetera."

"What the seal does is block the brain's ability to complete every stage. It denies the rest of mind and body, making the bearer feel like they didn't sleep at all." I explained as simply as I could – hopefully everyone got it. "One night of this is no big deal, but over the course of a week…"

When everyone smirked, I knew they got the implications. Guys not sleeping for a week might almost be lethal, but forty-five kunoichi with a week long period? They'd be more than happy to kill them! Well, they really shouldn't have picked a fight then, huh.

**_#-#_**

* * *

**_#-#_**

"You know, Ai-sama. I'm glad I'm on your side." Fuki announced when we made it back to the Kaminari home. I just smirked at her, shrugging it off. We made our way into the sitting room, finding Naruto, Jei and Hayama-sensei waiting on us.

The three of us entered the room, Kosuke-san bringing up the rear and sliding the door closed. "Mission accomplished." I said.

"Good." Hayama-sensei was always sparse with praise – nothing new. He nodded, seeing himself out.

"Fuki, Kosuke, you two should get some rest as well. I know I'm going to need my strength when the sun comes up." Nii-san said. He smiled at me, obviously proud of me. Still, he made a show of petting my hair and telling me, "Good job, Imouto-chan."

They left the room soon after as well. I couldn't help but smile at those worry warts. They didn't want an update – that could have waited till morning. No, they wanted to make sure we made it back in one piece. I couldn't help but smile at that.

"I can't help but notice…" Jei began, waiting for the door to slide shut once again. Whatever he had to say, it was for my ears only – I think.

SHHHHHHT. The door slid shut. "You left me out of all the plans for the next week. But you also gave yourself the whole week off. Is this a coincidence?" His tone was playful, his eyes too.

"Maybe?" I bit my lip, trying – and failing miserably – to hide my smile. He smirked, moving a little closer to me.

"Maybe? I find that answer… lacking." He had a teasing smile on his face, moving closer and closer to me. We shared a brief kiss, with me blushing the whole time. It wasn't often Jei kissed me for no reason. "Happy Birthday."

"Shit." I had forgotten about my birthday again?! That's three years in a row!

"Don't tell me you forgot again." He asked. He rolled his eyes, shaking his head sadly. "That's three in a row. Are you sure you're no really an old woman?"

"Hey! No teasing the birthday girl!" I huffed, pouting. "Besides, I'm only like thirteen…"

"Yeah, thirteen going on thirty." He teased again. I grumbled, wondering what I did to deserve this. It wasn't more than ten minutes later that I decided to call it a night, though I promised myself to prank that boy mercilessly once we make it back to Konoha.

**_#-#_**

* * *

**_#-#_**

The week flew by. I hardly got to see the guys, but they did each congratulate me on my birthday. Jei made a point of telling them I forgot about it too. I just rolled my eyes, wondering if they kept switching up the date just to confuse me.

Anyway. We're set to leave for the first round of the Chuunin Selection Exams is twenty minutes. Which is why I was standing in front of a mirror with Hinata, Matsuri and Moegi, trying to figure out which outfit to wear.

"Should I play into their expectations of me being a clan heir, and therefore prim and proper. Or should I play into the 'incapable heir' type thing? Or maybe more of a daimyo's daughter persona?" I just couldn't make up my mind.

"Why not just wear your battle kimono and act like Ai?" Moegi asked. I rolled my eyes, tossing that idea out on its ass.

"No."

"No one's gonna believe that the Hokage's daughter is civilian level. Not even if you wear a wedding gown." Moegi tried. She seemed intent on having me wear my battle kimono for some reason.

"What are you aiming for, Ai?" Matsuri asked.

"I want them to underestimate me." I answered honestly. Prejudice is a powerful subcategory of misdirection. If everything thinks I'm respected solely for my mother or my clan, then they'll underestimate me, giving me the chance to surprise them and take them out quickly – otherwise I'd have to come up with a much more complex strategy to overwhelm them. It'd still have the same result (hopefully), but much less effort.

"They already have your records, probably had a spy in Konoha tracking you and are put on guard because of all the extra security around here. What do you think you can do to help or hinder that with how you dress?" Matsuri decided to rain on my parade.

"Fine!" I frowned, thinking about that some more. There really was little I could do other than just go in prepared and hope for the best. So I donned a bright green irumoji kimono with the Senju symbol pattern in forest green. Then I strapped my obi around my waist and tucked my pouches out of sight. I was frowning the whole time.

"Something feels off." I told them. "It feels like everything is about to change."

"It's just nerves, Ai-chan." Moegi soothed. "We're all a little anxious." Maybe she was right? So why was my gut screaming at me to run back to Konoha? Something just felt… off.

**_#-#_**

* * *

**_#-#_**

We made our way downstairs, meeting up with the guys. We planned on walking together, but Hinata Kiba and Shino were forced to stay at the house. Once everyone was satisfied with whatever they were focusing on, we headed out the door. Bii-san and Aunty waved us off – remarkably rap free. The senseis were supposed to report to the Raikage Tower so prevent them from aiding their students, so they left earlier than we did.

Everything felt off. Cataclysmically off. I cast my senses about me, wondering what else was wrong with this picture. Everyone was going about their day, business as usual. Shopkeepers were setting up their displays for the day, the smell of eateries of all kinds preparing for the breakfast crowd hung in the air. Everything was exactly what I'd expect it to be.

I fired off a minute pulse of chakra into a seal placed on my left biceps – our emergency communication Kakashi-san helped us set up. I got eleven pulses in quick response; obviously they were expecting me to test it. Jei squeezed my hand gently, to help me calm down.

No matter what happened, no matter what my senses told me, I knew… something was off. There was just something on the edge of my senses, tickling me danger senses. I just wish I knew how to put it into words…

We were more than a half hour ahead of schedule, so we weren't really in a rush to get to the academy. Still, I kept walking up, forcing them to speed up to keep up. I just didn't feel safe in the streets.

"Ai, you're being paranoid." Jei eventually informed me. I turned to give him a piece of my mind, but-

"…" Just around the next corner. I swore I saw something. It was there for only a fraction of a second, but it **was there**. There was something about what little I saw. Black… a black cloak. But there was a hint of red on it too. Like a cloud?

"Hey." Jei captured my chin between his index finger and thumb, pulling gently so my nose was facing him. "Relax. You've done harder things in your sleep."

I nodded. Burning that image into my mind for future reference. 'Sensei needs to hear about this ASAP.'

**_#-#_**

* * *

**_#-#_**

"Kumogakure's Shinoby Academy. Not a lot of good memories here." Jei began. The building didn't really stand out too much, to be honest. A four story building directly attached to the Raikage Tower, a pretty similar setup to our academy. Sure, it blended in with the local architecture and color scheme, but I'd have found it without Jei's help if I had to.

We made our way to the front door, entering without incident. It was almost enough to lull me into a sense of security. Almost. I kept my wits about me, scanning my surroundings every fifteen seconds – compared to the once a minute I usually did. There was just something about the black and red clouds pattern that set me perpetually on edge. It should have been so familiar to me. What's worse was the complete lack of a chakra signature attached to that pattern!

Even clothes worn by a civilian held traces of a chakra signature. Yes, even after being washed and hanging out to dry! So why would a black cloak with red clouds move out of sight just as I unexpectedly looked in its direction, with no chakra signature attached?

We made our way up a flight of stairs. Kosuke-san reminded us that we were to find room 302. Naruto-nii pointed out that there was a crowd gathering on the second floor in front of a room with 302 above it – right before laughing about that for some reason. He wouldn't explain, and he didn't let us investigate. We just took another flight of stairs up to the third floor.

Once there, we made our way down the hall and through sturdy looking double doors marked as room 302 – the other must have been a genjutsu? Meh.

"Welcome to the Chuunin Exams. Registration please." A tallish man wearing the local chuunin uniform demanded. I did notice he and Jei locked eyes for a moment. Jei mumbled a name into my ear, adding that the man was an instructor here. "Here are your cards and instructions booklet. The first exam starts the second you enter the door and ends when you either surrender, are failed or somehow pass the test."

Naruto, Konohamaru, Jei and I each took our team's paperwork, but only I started flipping through it. "The first exam. Each team must enter separately. Each member may only repeat a single phrase – anything said other than the original phrase in the exact word order is an automatic disqualification." Those are some odd rules. "Fighting is not allowed. Writing is not allowed. Not talking for more than a minute is not allowed."

"What the…" Matsuri grabbed the rule book out of Jei's hand, reading through it quickly.

"No discussing amongst yourselves. Enter now, or be disqualified." The instructor informed us.

I wished everyone luck, entering with Kouji and Daichi. "So what do we do?" Kouji asked.

"Shut up, Kouji!" I punched his shoulder, then tapped the rulebook to remind him of what he just did!

"Huh?" Daichi didn't get it either. I offered the book, pointing at the rule so they wouldn't fuck it up.

"So what do we do?" Kouji asked again.

"Huh?" Daichi rolled his eyes, obviously asking if Kouji really wanted to know, or if he was just repeating his phrase to abide by the rules.

"Shut up, Kouji." I mumbled, already hating this test. I looked around. We were in a large hall, with six doors on each wall. There were some other genin teams mulling about mumbling this or that.

"So what do we do?" Kouji asked again.

"Shut up, Kouji!" I growled, hating the phrase I'd be hearing for the remainder of this stupid ass test!

"Huh?" I glared at Daichi. "huh?" I rolled my eyes – he's asking what he did wrong.

"So what do we do?"

"SHUT UP, KOUJI!" I tuned both of them out. There was something going on here that needed to be figured out. I flipped through the paperwork we were given, trying to find clues. There wasn't much. A lot of shit we weren't allowed to do, some shit we were required to do. But nothing to tell us where to go.

I scanned the area, feeling Naruto-nii's team entering behind us. They were squabbling about something I chose not to focus on. "Shut up, Kouji." I said my phrase, getting back to my scan.

There were about fifty people in the room. Some chakra pools were impressive, most weren't. Everyone was mulling about, most confused. Everyone but that guy there. He's standing at attention, staring at something. Someone walked up to him, saying something. "Crudely woo me to moo." He said, his eyes not moving from their focus. Crudely woo me to moo? What the fuck?!

Another guy not to far off was standing just like that guy. Only he said something different: "Moo moo rowed cutely." Drugs. That's what this is, drugs! No normal human being says that shit!

Another one with his back facing me was talking gibberish. He would mutter, then whisper, then shout for no reason! "Cruelty! Woe! Doom! MOO!"

"SHUT UP, KOUJI!" I shouted, getting the guys' attention quickly. They piped down from shouting their phrases at the crazies. Was Kouji whispering it into the ear of one of them? That boy was troubled.

Moo moo rowed cutely. Crudely woo me to moo. Cruelty woe doom moo… anagrams! They were saying the same phrase in an anagram! They were also all looking at doors! That's it!

I listened to what the stationary crazies were saying. There was one that stood out, because his phrase was using different letters – and he never spoke louder than a whisper. He was talking about the 'thirteenth lord of do'.

"Shut up, Kouji." I gave the guys the 'at ease', and they went back to whatever they were trying to do.

Another team seemed to have figured something out – a Taki team. They went through one of the doors. I was pretty sure that wasn't the right one, seeing as I sensed all three of them freak out.

Crudely woo me to moo… Hmm, maybe a hint to a door? Nah, that only leaves gibberish! Maybe… doom? Welcome… your… to… Welcome to your doom? Okay… yeah that's inviting. So no, they're the ones to confuse us.

Maybe the 'thirteenth lord of do' is the real clue then? Hmm… must be something with a door. Door, left… third… the… on! Third door on the left! "Shut up, Kouji." I motioned for the guys to follow, locking eyes with Naruto, Jei and Konohamaru. The others watched me carefully, but only my teammates followed.

I walked up to wall the 'odd crazy out' was looking at, trying to spot the door he was looking at. It was the one all the way to the right. I counted three doors over, and opened it. It wasn't the same door the Taki team went through, so I felt a bit more secure about that.

"So what do we do?" Kouji asked, meaning it this time.

"Huh?" Daichi slapped the back of Kouji's head – 'we trust Ai', being his message. There was no detail I could make out, at all. It was worse than pitch black, there seemed to be an air hanging in the room just ahead – it reeked of doom, if I had to describe it.

Going over every detail from the room we were about to leave… well, there was nothing else to figure out. I recounted the doors to be sure. But, well… wish for the best.

Kouji and Daichi walked through first, showing little fear. I just hoped they were right in trusting me this time…

We walked through, the door slamming behind us. We kept walking straight ahead, through what I can only describe as a cramped corridor. No matter how long we were in there, my eyes wouldn't adjust to the low lighting, so either it was really that dark or…

'Kai!' I did the genjutsu release, seeing no difference. "Shut up, Kouji." I reminded the guys, who choked out their phrases. Kouji was a bit nervous, but Daichi showed nothing. We kept walking for a bit. Very. Slowly! It wasn't exactly a straight corridor, seeing that it kept twisting and there were times we had to take corners. We didn't want to butt into something we couldn't see!

Eventually we came up to a dead end. "Shut up, Kouji?" I told Kouji to check it. He tapped a few times – it sounded hollow.

"What do we do?" I rolled my eyes, wondering about that boy.

"Huh?" Daichi did something and whatever it was in front of us moved out the way – I from the THUD I think he punched it. It took our eyes nearly a minute to readjust to the light.

Only… Kami-sama, I wished we just stayed in Konoha! There were HUNDREDS of people in this room! Kouji and Daichi flanked me, mostly to show me to they had my back. I took a few deep breaths to calm my nerves, and started eying the crowd we were now facing.

"Shut up, Kouji?" I wondered, looking for someone official looking.

"Huh?"

"What do we do?" The guys weren't too sure themselves, and no one here seemed official looking to ask. Not that we could ask them in the first place.

"I'm the next Hokage?" Naruto-nii arrived with his team.

"No I am!" Konohamaru… I just rolled my eyes. Of course his phrase would be a response to Nii-san's.

"Be quiet." Jei was right behind them with his team.

"Ladies first?" Matsuri wondered, her eyes scanning the room for something. She was probably wondering the same thing I was.

"KONOHA SCUM!" An Iwa genin dashed at us, his kunai drawn. I just rolled my eyes – he looked like hell. Kouji and Daichi were in front of me before I could blink, ready to protect me. I rolled my eyes at them too.

"Fail." I heard whispered, before the Iwa genin disappeared into thin air. That brought a smile to my face – soon noticing two more missing genin from the crowd.

"Ginji?!"

"Fail." There went another team. I bit my lip.

"Shut up, Kouji!" I warn the guys to stick to the script – these guys mean business. I wondered which sadist came up with this style of testing.

"Huh." Daichi made a good point – they wouldn't let me down.

"So what do we do." Kouji shrugged, but had a glint in his eyes. Holy fucking nine flaming shitcicle melting on a hot day hell!

"Shut up, Kouji." I smirked, nodding towards Naruto-nii and Konohamaru.

"Huh." Daichi smiled as well, nudging his buddy in their direction.

"So what do we do?" He inquired.

"Shut up, Kouji…" I suggested. He smirked a little wider, heading off towards his new partners in crime. When I heard an excited cry about being Hokage, I knew hell was about to break loose.

"Shut Up, Kouji!" I reminded him.

"So what do we do!" Okay, what's with the attitude! I was just trying to help!

"Huh." Daichi chimed in.

"No I am!" Konohamaru announced, rushing into the crowd of soon to be pissed off genin.

"I'm the next Hokage!" Naruto hollered, probably telling Konohamaru to wait up, or something.

"SO WHAT DO WE DO!" Kouji was hot on their heels. I rolled my eyes, hearing a lot of pissed off voices coming from the direction the three blunders just shot off in.

"Huh." Daichi smiled. He always did like seeing Kouji smile, and Kouji smiles a LOT when he's up to no good.

"Shut up, Kouji." I tried not to smile when a string of 'Fail.' was heard. Deciding my plans (directly or indirectly) had done enough damage, I went over to Jei – to flirt with him a little. "Shut up, Kouji." I even fluttered my eyelashes at him, trying to look as delectable as possible.

"Be quiet?" He asked, obviously wondering what possessed me to let Kouji on the loose again. I shrugged, snuggling up to him a bit. "Be quiet." Yeah, I think it's nice too.

"Ladies first." Matsuri poked my cheek to prove her point.

"Shut up, Kouji." I warned.

"Be quiet." Jei whined, earning a glare from both of us! And just what did he mean by that?

"Huh!" Daichi gave us the heads up – lights were coming on towards the back of the room.

"Congratulations boys and girls! You passed the first round!" A tall woman announced, flanked by a dozen uniformed henchmen with no personality. "Sort of at least." She was wearing an official looking uniform, not showing any sort of allegiance with Kumo – she wasn't taking sides as everyone's judge and jury. She had a pale complexion, like she never got to see the sun, long hair which seemed to be white on the right side of her head, and black on the other side? Okay…

That was pretty much all I could tell about her, seeing that every other feature was covered by layers of… veils? What a weirdo!

"SO WHAT DO WE DO!" Kouji demanded hotly. I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up, Kouji!" I growled, meaning just what I said this time.

"Oh, and you can stop doing that now. It stopped being cute like an hour ago." She cooed, batting her eyelashes at us like some kind of retarded mongoose.

"_It stopped being cute like an hour ago._" I mimicked her, showing just how _impressed_ I was with her. The side alley slut.

"Now! We can begin with the written portion of the test!" A series of spotlights came on, shining straight up… yes, as in at the ceiling. I looked up, seeing row after row of desks. Yes, as in on the ceiling.

"Please take any seat you like." She motioned. Yes, as in on the ceiling. I looked up at the desks, then back down at her. Up and the seats, down back at her.

"Huh?" Daichi asked, confused.

"Shut up, Kouji?" I wondered at my wording. "Uh, I mean what is she on?" It would take a while to get used to NOT telling Kouji to shut up now.

"You have one hour to answer all fifty-seven questions. Don't bother trying to cheat, every question on every test is different. You need a collective score of seventy-five percent to pass. And do not drop anything on the ground, or your whole team is disqualified. GET CRACKING!"

I did notice though, that there was just enough room for the amount of teams left. She literally waited until enough teams were failed before even starting the first test! Something is wrong with that woman. Really, really wrong.

**_#-#_**

* * *

**_#-#_**

By the end of the hour, I started noticing something about our current proctor: she's an evil genius. The combination of psychological strain from the test, the time limit and focusing on sitting down, after having to deal with the bullshit that got us into this room… well, let's just say that no one was very happy with her.

But her tactics were effective.

At the actual beginning of the first test, seventy teams were seated. By the time she shouted: "**TIME'S UP!** ~Darlings~." Yeah, she sung that last part. Well, after that moron next to me dropped his pen, the total headcount was down to less than seventy. That is effective, no matter what anyone says!

And don't think I didn't notice that a third of the problems on the test were anagrams! She likes playing with words.

"Now, while my assistants grade your tests." There was a blur as one of her henchies blurred through each row of desks to grab the papers. "You may remain seated. Do keep in mind that you must remain on the ceiling at all times."

"REALLY?!" Kouji shouted happily, causing girl next to her to lose her grip and fall. I was twice as pleased with him, when I noticed she was wearing an Iwa headband. I was going to miss her, really I was. So much so, that I waved at her.

"Konoha genin Akamon Kouji. Your fellow test subjects have you to thank that I am now going to order my assistants to grade your tests slower." The woman informed us sweetly.

"Any time guys!" He beemed at them all.

"Hey, proctor lady! Can we spar while we're up here?" Naruto-nii asked.

"Yeah, it's gonna get boring otherwise!" Konohamaru chimed in.

"Those three are going to piss off every genin that makes it to round two." I muttered to Daichi, who nodded sagely.

"No, you cannot spar! You're on the fucking ceiling!" She sounded unsure of herself for a second. "Can you?" Great, they have her second guessing herself now.

"It ain't much different from taking a written exam up here!" Kouji shouted down to her. Or up at her? I wasn't sure.

"Well, Konoha's got some big brass balls." I heard her mutter under her breath. I smirked – she had no idea.

"Proctor?" Kouji raised a hand – or did he drop it? Whatever. "May I inquire why the Iwa genins are all wearing pink?"

"Yeah, and why are the Oto wearing chicken feathers?" Konohamaru chimed in. I looked at an Oto nin, and sure enough… he had chicken feathers all over his uniform. Why didn't I notice that?

The whole room erupted into laughter. Then someone clucked like a chicken, before dropping out of their seat. Everyone was killing themselves, while hanging to the ceiling for dear life.

"Alright, alright. Settle down." She tried to regain order, but she was too busy getting in a few chuckles of her own. She's so lucky we're the ones on the ceiling! She'd fail her own test.

"Test results are… in pink?" One of her assistants was caught off guard at that, but just shrugged it off.

"Alright, darlings. Come down to mommy!" She cooed. I just rolled my eyes, as the last of us dropped down to the floor. It took a moment or two to regain my sense of balance – I've never had to do a test like that before. Ibiki-chan would LOVE to hear about this little stint! "Slave-boy, read the charges!"

"Team Chatsu from Oto, fail. Team Hazumi from Taki, pass. Team" Yeah, it's interesting, but not really. I just waited to hear the good stuff.

"Team Hayama from Konoha, perfect score. Team Kakashi from Konoha, perfect score. Team Ebisu from Konoha, perfect score. Team Tekuno from Konoha, perfect score. Team Oote from Iwa, perfect score. Team-"

"All passing teams suck less than I first imagined. You are to report here tomorrow at five AM to begin your second test. Good luck." With a crackle of lightning, she and her henchmen were gone. What an odd woman.

**_#-#_**

* * *

**_#-#_**

Once back at the house, the first thing I did was freak out! I told sensei and Kakashi-san about the cloak, about the lack of residual chakra and about the feeling in my gut that had only been getting stronger.

Honestly, I thought I was ranting, but it needed to be said!

"Calm down, Imouto-chan." Naruto-nii soothed. Jei was rubbing my back and everything! It just didn't help.

"Ai. We've got you, no matter what." Daichi told me, just as Naruto started getting nervous about me.

"Yeah, Ai-chan! You know Daichi and me will follow you anywhere!" Kouji enthused. Those two were too much some times… but I took a few deep breaths to calm down, for their sakes. The feeling didn't go away, but the 'impending doom' feeling did. That sounded odd, even in my own head!

Anyway, think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. "We need a new plan for the next test. I know you all think I'm exaggerating, or that I'm stressed out."

"Imouto-chan. We already plan on meeting up as soon as we can. Well, if it's a survival exam like my last CSE." Nii-san pointed out. "Just go take a nice long bath, okay? Take Hina-chan with you. Between you and me, she sme~eeeeeells GREAT!" Why did that come over like he added that last word at the last second? I turned, seeing Hinata standing there. Her arms crossed.

A nervous chuckle escaped my throat before I could help it – Nii-san just got himself in trouble. "Come on, Imouto-chan." Hinata somehow managed to glare at Nii-san, even through her facial bandages. That took some **_SERIOUS_** glaring!

**_#-#_**

* * *

**_#-#_**

After a long, soothing bath I was mostly calm. 'Mostly', because sensei decided that this was the ideal time to give me Ka-san's scroll to read. Now that I had so much shit to worry about, now that I just calmed down from the worst freak out episode I'd ever been through… his timing sucked.

I just sat on my futon, staring at the still sealed scroll. It made me nervous. What could Ka-san have to tell me that she refused to tell me face to face? What could Ka-san want me to know that sensei had to use his horrible timing to allow me to know? It just… made me nervous.

I reached out and took the scroll, hoping against hope that this didn't fuck with my night – I still had an important and life threatening exam going on! Slowly, I unsealed it – Ka-san sealed it with the standard Senju fuuin she taught me, so I know for a fact only a Senju could have sealed it.

Unrolling a section, I began to read.

_My dearest Ai,_

_I'm certain that by the time you read this, you will have already figured out that I tricked you. The terms we discussed were meant to trap you in a safe environment for the duration of your stay in Kumo. I would not blame you if you are upset. You have every right to be. However, I do think you deserve an explanation._

_In fact, I believe you deserve clarification on a lot of things I haven't been forthcoming with._

_When I first came back to Konoha, Sensei asked me to check on this little girl. She had been in a coma for nearly a month already and showed no signs of improvement. Only, there was something different about this little girl – she would talk in her sleep. Medically this made no sense, but it was hard to deny what was plain as day._

_The more time I spent looking after this little girl, the more I realized that the things she was muttering weren't random. She would speak of things she had no way of knowing, things I was thinking about while in the room with her… even things that had yet to happen. Within a week, she became the Leaf's greatest weapon – a source of previously inaccessible knowledge. She became the Leaf's All Seeing Eye._

_Sensei started telling me more about her. The memories he'd seen. He told me about the little girl who would sit by the window for weeks on end, waiting for her father to come home. I didn't see her as a patient after that, I couldn't._

_The next time I went to check on her… something amazing happened. I remember wondering what her smile would look like, if she would smile the way I used to. You turned your head to me, opened your eyes and you smiled. You smiled, just for me. No pain in your eyes, no fear, no heartache. You smiled as bright and warm as the sun._

_Then you said something that changed me forever: He didn't want you to save him, he just wanted to see you one last time before he died. I cried. I knew immediately you were talking about Dan. That was the first time I kissed your brow, to thank you. It was also the first time I tucked you in and sung that lullaby I still sing whenever you have trouble sleeping at night._

_Sensei made a deal after that: he'd let me adopt you if I adopted Konoha as well. So I became Hokage. I limited your identity to myself, Sensei and Jiraiya. I even sent Jiraiya out on missions to destroy any and all information that may have leaked regarding you._

_That's why I'm so protective of you, Ai. Not just because you are so precious to my heart, but because you are on every shinobi organization's wish list. There is literally nothing people won't do to take you away from me._

_So I motivated you to become stronger. Stronger than me. Stronger than even Senju Hashirama! Because if HE can't stop you, then no one will keep you away from me for long. That's why I held you back this long. It was to give you time to become strong, because I know my heart cannot bear losing you._

_Even if you are so upset with me that you cannot see me as 'Ka-san' anymore, I will issue the following order as your Hokage. A single order that is to be adhered to no matter the cost, no matter the situation, no matter the loss of life left in its wake._

_You must __**survive**__! Break what you must, steal what you must, and kill what/who you must. So long as the end result is you standing in my office to tell me about it, it is acceptable._

_I love you, sweetie._

_PS: I'm going to find every reason I can to not promote you to Chuunin, because if you get that vest, I can no longer protect you. Please understand._

Tears were streaming down my face. For the first time, I understood. I understood Sasuke's fascination with me – who wouldn't want a prize like me in their clan. I understood Ka-san's often over zealous protectiveness. I understood why Kakashi, Kurenai, Hayama-sensei… hell most of Ka-san's ANBU were so willing to help me train. I was the scroll that could be taught to fight back.

But more than that… I was the glue that pieced Ka-san's heart back together.

Even if Iwa and Oto didn't know about me, something told me that the ones with the black cloaks would. They would not only know, but they'd want to capture me. "No matter the cost, huh?" I eyed my gear. Maybe it was time to stop playing these childish games then…

**End Chapter 20**

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**_A/N: The anagrams used in this chapter were generated by . I just used some creativity to bring it to life. As well, I'd like to apologize for the shortness of this chapter. It says what it needs to, and it shows what it must._**

**_Yes, the cloaked bastard that showed nothing else was Akatsuki. No, I won't tell you who it was. I just want to point out, that I never actually named which Akatsuki agents were killed off - ain't I a stinker? Sarutobi-sama just said: "Crush a stone and the pebbles assemble elsewhere." Who knows who they got, and who they didn't. Hmm... is this the reason I forced myself to keep this story in the 1st person perspective? Maybe..._**

**_Anyhoo! Ai's up to date on some things. The letter's been read. We've had one unique first round (I doubt anyone has ever thought up this type of test before). And we have two rounds to go! What could possibly go wrong?_**


	21. Ticking Time Bomb

_**Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humor in.**_

_**Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!**_

_**Chapter 21 - Ticking time bomb**_

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Tenshi, check. Kibou, check. Is Kibou fully loaded? Yes. Shin – the tessen, not the prick we left in Konoha – check. Mamoru, my new umbrella – it means 'to protect', check. Slingshot, check. Prepared eggs, check. Is Mamoru fully loaded? Yes. Wire, check. Explosive notes, check. Blank scrolls, check. Ink, check. Equipment scrolls, check.

Right arm pouch has Kibou, needles, two trap fuuins and a fuuin scroll that I promised Naruto-nii I'd use if I got in over my head. It's probably some sort of summoning scroll, or something like that. Left arm pouch has Shin and fifteen kunai – those damn things take up too much space, but I need quick access to them so I keep fifteen unsealed and the rest sealed.

Right hip pouch has my slingshot and all my little accouchements for it. Left hip pouch has a four scrolls – food, camping, storage (clothes and other essentials) and supplies (kunai, wire, shuriken and other tools that are a dime a dozen).

Tenshi is tucked into the handle of Mamoru, which I'll be holding. This way I'll always have a weapon in hand. I really need to think up a way to keep it strapped to me, or something. I mean, it's cool in this kind of situation, but if I wasn't wearing a kimono? I don't know, I'm not sure I'd want to carry it the whole time.

Anyway, I think I have everything. Now, I'm going to wear my uniform, camouflaged under a burgundy Iromuji kimono – once again with the Senju Clan symbol as the repeating pattern. Hmm… Should I go with the forest green obi? Maybe the navy blue one? I kind of like the green one, but is that the right choice to make?

"The orange one." Naruto says out of the blue. I turn to him, wondering what he's even talking about. "You should wear the orange obi. Orange matches with everything."

I don't have an orange obi…

"You're on drugs aren't you." He started sputtering something I'm not even half paying attention to. "Nii-san, why are you even in a girl's room while she's trying to get ready?"

"The fact that the door was open and you look like you need some help." He's scratching his cheek, obviously embarrassed. Or thinking. "Besides, I don't know if you know-"

"Weapons, camping stuff, food, blank scrolls, explosive notes, wire, kunai, shuriken, two of those trap fuuin you taught me the other day. I also have all the little gizmos and gadgets I've cooked up over the years. Unless we're facing an army, I think I'll be alright." Then a thought hits me. "I do need to check on the guys in a bit though. Only Kami-sama knows why I always have to baby them the way I do!"

"What about the fuuin I gave you?" He's really nervous for some reason.

I tap my right arm pouch. "Always within reach." Deciding to ignore him for a second, I slip into my kimono. I'm wearing my uniform anyway, so it's not like he can see something awkward. Then I tie the navy blue obi around my waist and stuff my hip pouches under it.

A quick check in the mirror lets me know that my hair is still in perfect shape. I decided against any kind of makeup – no point in being impractical. The weight of the two custom kunai weighs on my mind for a second – almost literally, seeing as they're tied to strands of my hair. Are they really needed? Can't hurt, I decide.

"Hey Nii-san, I'm going to check on the guys now. Do you want to tag along?" I ask, mostly out of courtesy. Still, I can't shake the feeling that Nii-san has something important weighing on his mind.

He's just standing there. He's wearing his dull orange jumpsuit, no different than any other day. Still, the way he has his arms crossed and the stern but thoughtful look in his eyes…"Penny for your thoughts?" I ask with a teasing smile.

He doesn't budge. He doesn't really reveal anything either. All I can sense from him is that he's deep in thought. Hmm. "I'm worried that you are not ready for this exam."

"I know." I smile sadly. Really, I do understand. Just yesterday I was focused on all the wrong things. I understand his concerns. "Unfortunately I don't have enough time to convince you otherwise. So I'm going to ask you to trust me."

Our eyes meet. Kami-sama, he has the same look that Ka-san had when I left Konoha; somewhere between proud that I'm growing up and worried sick that I'll get myself killed. Sadly the latter always seems to win.

"I trust you, Ai. I just don't have a whole lot of little sisters to replace you." I feel his control slip. For a brief, fleeting moment, his worries are on full display. I'm happy to say it isn't even the fear of facing Ka-san; it's purely the fear of losing me.

"Well, Nii-san." I wrap my arms around his waist, noticing for the first time how much taller he is than me. "You're just going to have to find me before anyone else can."

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**~Cloudy Pasture Gate, Northern sector of Kumogakure, 04:30 hours~**

"Do I even want to know why they gave it such a fluffy name?" Kouji asks and gets ignored. I'm too busy analyzing the competition. Twenty-two teams made it to this round. Four from Konoha, one from Taki, four from Kumo, five from Iwa, two from Oto, one from Hoshi, two from Kiri, one from Suna, one from the land of Greens and one from the land of Spring.

We can count on our own Konoha contingent for support, but I doubt anyone else would piss on us if we were on fire. That essentially gives us seven to four odds against Iwa and Oto. Well, it's better than the fifteen to one odds from before.

I'm glad we decided to show up early. Only the proctors from yesterday are here, so that means I'll get a good chance to study each chakra signature as the teams arrive. I'm at least fairly certain that I remember the Iwa and Oto teams and although they are our primary concern, I'm not going to risk ignoring the other teams.

The only thing I can say for sure about the area we are currently in is that it's eerie. There's a large mountaintop in front of us, with a cave's mouth being the focal point. Yeah, the gate is the entrance to the cave. The eerie part is that something keeps oozing out through the gate. Fog? Smoke? Something white and seemingly thick as cream. The gate itself isn't exactly inviting either. If I were a movie director, I'd use it as a backdrop for every scary scene I could dream up. It seriously looks like it's guarding the gateway to hell. The fact that it looks like it's made from human bones with goat skulls being used as doorknobs doesn't help the image any.

Ooh, there's the first team now. Yes, focusing on the other teams is a LOT more productive! Hmm, a Kiri team. Funny that the two Kiri teams didn't arrive together, like we did. Two guys, one girl. Contestant number one is twice my height – not that that says a whole lot – blue hair, blue eyes, sharp little teeth and a vicious sneer. He's not someone to mess with, in his own opinion of himself. A sword hilt is peeking up over his right shoulder, but I can't see a whole lot of detail about it. He keeps his leg pouch on his left leg. His chakra pool isn't the impressive though, nor is the consistency of it. Then again, I'm used to Nii-san… not a whole lot can compare to the jinchuuriki of the greatest of the bijuu.

The second guy is a head shorter than the first. He looks like his whole body is wrapped in medical gauze. All I can say for sure is that he has pink eyes – may be an albino. Strangely, he doesn't seem to be armed at all. No sword visible, no leg pouch… nothing. Odd.

The girl is, if anything, even weirder than the last. She's so short she makes me look like a giant. Not that I'm short, but everyone here is just older and therefore taller than me! She has red hair, black eyes, puffy cheeks (baby fat?) and an almost toddler like appearance. Seriously, she's a chibi! Still, the glint in her eyes is too sharp to dare underestimate her. And she has dual short swords on her right hip.

They seem to be pretty chummy with each other too – so they've been together longer than this exam. Oh, the tall guy just turned around! No, I'm not looking at his ass; I'm looking at his sword! Hmm, pretty heavy looking. And almost as tall as he is. He's probably training to be one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist. Okay, definitely a heavy hitter. Is that a chain? It's a chain! And it's leading into his puffy jacket? Must be attached to something.

WAIT! Should I try to remember what they're wearing? Nah, I've got their chakra signatures. Besides, that's not a group I'd willingly fight anyway. Konohamaru's team might, maybe even Nii-san's. Nii-san's team would win though.

Great… The second team to arrive is team Oote. If there is any team I've been studying, it's team Oote. Misato Kishi, is the lone female and all-round whore. Age: seventeen – the cradle rocker. Height: one hundred and eighty-seven centimeters. Weight: forty-two kilo – a heavy forty-two. She also has skinny hips, bad for child bearing. Gangly legs and arms. And an infuriatingly cute face. I think her puffy cheeks and tiny mouth are genetic hints that she'd latch onto any guy's cock and never let go.

Long black hair, reaching her waist – just like mine. The little bitch even dyes her hair! The drapes don't match the rug after all; she's really a blond. What? I had to apply the fuuin down there! Of course I had to see it!

Anyway! Shoda is the 'team leader'. No family name mentioned, so he's likely an orphan. He's two hundred and ten centimeters tall – HUGE! A hundred and twelve kilos – PLUMP! And wields dual sledge hammers! He's a walking boulder – or a boulder crusher. Him being a Doton user doesn't help his image either.

Kurotetsu is the other member of the team. He's a prick in all aspects of the word. He's big, thick, brainless, and easily excited when he sees something he likes. He's also about as subtle Hayama-sensei, only less intelligent. He's strong though. Stronger than Shoda, but he'd make a horrible leader. His presence in these exams would make no sense other than being raw brawns – not exactly chuunin material, but that's just my view on the matter.

They're not much of a team either. "Shoda! Where's my mineral water?! I ordered a mineral water nearly an hour ago!" Yeah, Queen Hoe is not exactly kunoichi material. "And Kurotetsu! Stop loafing around you oaf! Go get me something to eat before I put a price on your head!"

Should I feel sorry that she's been having the worst week of her life? Nope. She should have known that I get downright bitchy when people try eyeballing MY Jei too closely. The fact that she's probably been given an A-Ranked mission to woo him, only cements her demise.

"Kurotetsu, do you want the honor of killing her when we get back to Iwa?"

"Duuuh… wasn't we s'posed ta prutekt her?"

"Yes, but only if she does her job. So far she's hasn't even gotten him to look at her." Good. His eyes would probably come down with something if he did. The skank!

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**~04:59 hours~**

All twenty-two teams have assembled. It was becoming a bit much to itemize all of them, but I know each and every chakra signature around me. Even the proctors. I know that any second-

"Good _~morning~_!" The same sick, sadistic proctor from yesterday greets us, singing happily like it isn't five in the morning. "I hope all of you have had a good night's rest."

I smirk, knowing that at least seven teams didn't. "Good! Now gather 'round and let me explain what you are going to be doing for the next five days." Shockingly, no one moves. We can all hear her just fine, and I for one can see the three pairs of jade studs in her ears.

"Aw, no one wants to be close to me?" She pouts, but quickly gets down to business. "Each team will be given a map of the Cloudy Pastures, only it will be an incomplete map. It only shows the spot one of my slave-boys will drop you and the route to the item you must collect. Once you have the item, it's up to you to find your own way back here."

That's pretty much insane.

"During your stay you will have to fight not only other competitors, but you'll have to do it blind. I'm sure all of you have noticed the clouds rising out of the gate. Well, the whole cave looks just like that." Nope, it IS insane. Five days seeing nothing but white? Not fun.

"But wait, there's more!" Is she happy about that? Why does she sound happy about that?! "You must all sign these wavers, so that if any of you die it's not my fault. It is no holds barred after all." Sick. Sadistic. Twisted. Gore-loving. Soft in the head.

"Now, please pass these around. You have five minutes to turn in three waivers for a map and a guide. First come, first in." She hands the closest person to her a stack of papers – coincidentally a Hoshi kunoichi. The girl is kind enough to actually go around handing out forms to everyone. I notice that she and Naruto-nii get into a conversation, but I don't pay much attention to what they're saying.

Instead I read the waiver and memorize the 'official risks'. Nothing special, it just outlines that I accept mortal danger to life and limb, and that I will not blame Kumo or its allies should anything happen to me or my team. Yeah. Not comforting, but not unexpected either. Risking the lives of others is normal for us, but accepting the responsibility of it… apparently that belongs to a select few.

Well, Kouji, Daichi and I signed ours pretty quick – all they were waiting for was for me to sign mine. Once that was done we handed ours to Daichi. As a rule of thumb, you never give Kouji anything important. Not unless you want it blown up, burnt or molecularly recomposed. Don't ask me how he managed to turn a cup of coffee into a bowl of ramen. I'm not even sure if I should bring up Naruto approving of the new flavour.

Focus, Ai! Focus. Okay. The others are signing theirs now. The girl from Kiri is left handed? FOCUS! Okay. Breathe. Jeez, old habits are hard to break! Okay. The guy that's supposed to show us where to go is waving us over. Wait, that's a chick?! Didn't see that coming. You'd think only guys have sideburns. Wait, she's got friction burns on her right index and middle fingers? Why does she…?

Butch, bad attitude – clearly single in other words – and friction burns on two fingers on her dominant hand? Well, it's no wonder why people think I'm weird; I notice all the weirdest shit. Or maybe I just draw the weirdest conclusions? Who cares.

I wave to the others, sending a slight pulse into the fuuin on my left biceps. Some level of comfort washes over as I feel eleven familiar chakra signatures pulse back. Then as we enter the clouds, I immediately regret wearing a kimono.

Dash dot dash dot dash dash dash dot dash dot dot dash dot dot.

Morse Code. Old as sin, but useful in times like this. It just means 'cold', a bit of a forewarning to my comrades. And boy is it cold! Not just wear-something-warm kind of cold; it's wet, cold and even my bones feel half frozen in here.

Wet and cold are not a good combination! Jeez, that sounds so perverted. Why they hell is my brain crawling around in a sewer?! I'm entering the most dangerous part of this exam!

Ah damn! My kimono feels like it weighs a ton now! "Hey, Daichi. Hold on to my pouches for a second?" I toss my hip pouches to him, not in the least bit bothered by the lack of visibility. I hear him catch both pouches.

"You know, I'm starting to think that you trust him more than me." Kouji complains, a smirk tinting his voice. He's just teasing. I take out my gear scroll and seal my kimono, immediately feeling a difference. I attach my arm pouches to my thighs and Daichi tosses back my hip pouches a second later.

"Hey, Kouji. Map's all yours." I toss the map to him. It's pointless in here anyway. I mean, I could poke out my own eye and not see it coming! So what use is a map in here? Besides, I already memorized it. Not that there's a whole lot to memorize. Keep taking right turns and we'll make it to our goal. How to get out will be a lot more interesting.

"Yosh!" A bright light erupts from where I guess his hands are located. Yup, light, warmth. Kouji does his thing; the map is toasted.

"Do you really have to add butter every time?" I ask. Seriously. I smell melted butter.

"It adds flavour!" He complains. A nervous chuckle escapes our guide. Interestingly, that's the only reaction she gives at all. Okay, so that map is pointless. Good to know.

Close to a half hour later, we come to a complete stop. Our guide tells us that there will be a signal when to begin and that we have to stay put until then. She fades into the scenery, but I can sense her still close by.

"Alright, Ai. What's the game plan?" Kouji is all business. I cast my senses around me, trying to sense everything I can. We're in a kind of a large cavern with three exits – the one we entered through, one below us and one to our right.

"We wait." Daichi answers. I nod, noising my agreement. I cast my senses out even further. Sure, I can't sense things as accurately, but it gives me a general idea of who's out there. Team Oote is about a kilometer behind and slightly above us. Naruto's team is still at the entrance – he's probably trying to sense where everyone is going before entering. Konohamaru's team is over that way… Udon's halfway through a freak out episode.

Ooh, Jei's team is right above us! That's cool. And below us is the… Kiri team? Some random Oto team is just over in the next room. Okay, they're going to be our biggest problem for now. At least they aren't exactly used to the lack of vision – they're discomfort isn't exactly hard to place. And their agitated mindstate isn't helping their case any. I almost feel bad for them. Almost.

Wait, wouldn't that make the Kiri team more of a threat? They're probably used to the Kirigakure Jutsu too, and they'd just have to jump up through that hole in the floor. Hmm… nope, they seem more focused on the Iwa team a hundred meters behind them. Heh, better for us. I wonder if they know we're even here. Time will tell.

All rights… they want us to fight each team we encounter. I can't tell what comes after the room with the Oto shinobi, so we'll just have to wing it from there. Hmm, they usually want less than ten for the third round… so we're probably facing like six or seven teams if we want in. Well, that sounds fair – if not exactly the most sane situation to find oneself in.

Hmm. Not a whole lot to do about the odds, especially with the likelihood that most of those teams will be gunning for us. Well, more so than the situation would normally dictate.

"Once we get the signal we're going in for the kill. You hear me?" The guys noise their agreement, knowing exactly what I mean by that.

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**~07:24 hours~**

Time, you lazy, sluggish bastard! You know why they call it 'father time'? Cause only an old man can be so laid back about ticking away! Jeez! What the fuck is the point of making us wait this long for a signal?!

"Ai?" Kouji's voice trembles slightly, the unasked question coming at us quickly. Yes, I feel the burst of hot air shooting as us. It's kind of hard to miss the ground shaking from the force of whatever it is. Interestingly, it's coming from below us.

"Daichi." I answer him. A moment later I feel the familiar sensation of vertigo hit me; my whited out vision goes black. Yup, Daichi pulled us underground. Now all I can do is sit and wait for the action to start.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SHITTARDS!" Okay, someone has an attitude problem. Daichi's already gotten us into position; he's just waiting for me to give the signal. Well, we should study their team dynamics before charging in.

"Karin, take it easy." The tone of this one is dark, threatening. He's not suggesting it, he's threatening her.

"FUCK YOU! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE USE THAT TONE WITH ME!" Okay, obviously if we wait here long enough they'll just kill each other. Fate is being nice for a change.

"Shirota-kun, she's our medic. Killing one's medic is never a good idea." The third voice tried talking sense into his comrade. Maybe it'd work if he didn't sound clinically insane. "Besides, sensei will be most displeased with you if you kill Uzumaki-san."

Hmm, Uzumaki? Interesting. "Go ahead. Tell me what to do one more time. I. **Dare**. You."

"Shirota-kun, just because sensei isn't here doesn't mean we need to try to kill each other. We were practically raised together weren't we?" If that's so, why do you sound so pleased with the prospect of slitting his throat?

"With the Senju this close… you two want to see who has the bigger dick? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" She sure sounds as passionate about everything as Nii-san… I guess. "Guren-sama should have killed you both during The Uprising!"

Hmm… 'Guren-sama'? Doesn't mean a whole lot to me. I'm just not sure if 'Karin' senses me, or simply knows that our starting point wasn't very far from theirs. Hmm, no, they'd have to have a sensor to know that too. So she can sense us. She's not very dangerous as far as chakra capacity goes, and her teammate already tagged her as the medic. Hmm… she's a sensor and medic, so she isn't likely to be very combat-oriented. Then again… I'm a sensor, and the team medic… Best keep a keen eye on her regardless.

"Fine. We fight the Senju then. Lead the way, cunt." Charming isn't he?

"That's what I've been trying to tell you! SHE'S RIGHT UNDER YOUR FEET!" I didn't even have to tell Daichi to spring the trap. There was another wave of vertigo, followed by a wet feeling on my cheek and a gurgling sound. By the time I regained my bearings, Kouji had already beheaded the psycho, leaving the girl and the sadist. Interesting choice.

"Well. Kouji got his. Daichi, do you want to team up for the last two?" I ask, my voice completely emotionless. I make sure to keep my eye on the guy, seeing as the girl is less likely to charge blindly.

Hmm. The dead one needs no further analysis. The live one is Kouji's height, but looks to be in his early twenties. He's wearing black and white camou-pants and a black skintight shirt. His forehead protector is black, sporting a music note. He has green hair and his sky blue eyes show his fatigue. If it were up to him, he'd sleep for the next month or two. Psh, like that'd help him.

The girl on the other hand. She has red, shoulder-length hair. Violet eyes, bespectacled. She bears great resemblance to Tami for some reason. I mean, like Tami is a clone of hers, or something. She's maybe fifteen or sixteen.

Wait a fucking minute! Why can I see them? Did the wave of hot air blast away all the 'clouds'? Not worth the braincells. We can see them. They can see us. This is going to be a fight.

She dashes toward Kouji, who's kind of standing on her teammate. "Guji!" Wait, now you notice that your teammate is dead? Seriously?

"Fucking cunt." Shirota slapped her. Hard. With his fist. And judging from the crunching sound… I'd guess that she's not just knocked out, but that she's probably got a broken jaw. Maybe even worse. Psychological warfare is sometimes more deadly than the sharpest kunai.

Shirota draws a sword. Shit, I didn't notice that! AND IT'S HUGE! It's not very wide or thick, but it's nearly two meters long. If I didn't notice the double-handed sword handle, I'd think it was a polearm or something.

His eyes meet mine. It's hard to describe the look in his eyes. It's not insanity. It's not bloodlust, or lust. It's… a positive emotion. Even his chakra shows that much. I just can't place it right now.

"Good. Now there's no one to slow me down." He says. When his own words sink in, the emotion intensifies? I'd love to figure it out, but unfortunately his chakra is spiking. He's getting ready to fight.

"Ai?" Kouji's nervous. This isn't a reaction to his recent kill; he's worried about this asshole's chakra that's skyrocketing.

"Centipede." I announce, already fishing something out of my pocket. All of our tactics made for this exam rely on stealth. Stealth doesn't work when the target knows your there. We were kind of fucked from the start. Still, there's no reason to throw in the towel.

Daichi dives underground. Kouji ambles to my left and around the target, putting the three of us in a perfect equal ribbed triangle. Luckily there is still six meters between us and Shirota. We don't want him being too close by.

"Senju Ai. By order of Guren, you are dead." Whatever.

I take Tenshi out of my umbrella, holding her in my left hand with the flat edge against my forearm. Mamoru is held by her handle in my right hand, then I place the two butts against each other. Essentially it looks like I turned the two weapons into a polearm.

Kouji wields his dual trench knives in a style Tenten taught him – fists held up in the air and walking around on the balls of his feet. I think they called it 'Thai Boxing'? Well, she never taught it to me, so I'll just keep out of their-

SHIT! Shirota dashes for me, trying to cleave me in half with his sword – kind of a mid-log slice. He comes in from the right, so I bend to my left – bending in the same direction of his attack. I swing Mamoru around to build up momentum and knock his blade off course. I still take great care to keep the hell out of his trajectory, just in case I don't put in enough power in my move.

I hear a loud clang, letting me know that our weapons clashed. Seeing that his sword jumped upwards, I'm guessing that I'm a good bit stronger than him. His face is kept completely neutral, but his eyes show surprise.

Using my sideways momentum, I launch a kick into his now unprotected ribs. Once the kick connects, I know that this won't be as easy as my other fights; the substitution, basic as it is, saves his ass. Fine, no one hit kill. I am happy to note that the log snapped in two though.

I start scanning immediately, trying to locate him before he can strike. "There!" Why the hell did I just announce that? Still, I click Tenshi into her snake form and launch an arced strike at him. The loud CLANG announces steel meeting steel, so I know not to get my hopes up.

Kouji dashes towards Shirota. I notice that he keeps his knives in front of him – as opposed to letting his arms drag along behind him, as we've been trained. I hear a flurry of attacks being exchanged, but the low light doesn't exactly reveal a whole lot. I start walking towards the boys, noticing that Kouji is using his shorter blades to his advantage. He's a lot quicker than Shirota as well, so Kouji is keeping him off balance by raining blows on him.

I refuse to let something happen to Kouji, so I dash into the fray as well. "AI! He's mine!" Kouji wards me off, effectively stopping me dead in my charge. All I can do is stand here and watch the two of them exchanging blows.

I can sense the density of Kouji's chakra in his blades; he's reinforcing them to withstand the power behind Shirota's blows. But more than that, I see the genius in the tactic he's using. Every time Shirota launches a single attack at him, he knocks it off course and rams three or four brass-knuckle-reinforced body blows. He's using the speed difference between them to his full advantage.

Judging from the red stains on Shirota's shirt, I'd say that Kouji's got this one in the bag. "You think you've won?" Shit, stalling tactics.

"Man, you're bleeding like a sieve. Give up and I won't kill you." Kouji answers evenly. Stalling tactics are just that, Kouji. He's trying to buy some time to do something to try to take you down with him!

Fuck it, I'm not even going to take the time to figure this shit out. I click Tenshi into her snake form again and launch it in a straight line at Shirota. He dodges to his right – predictably. Unfortunately, that means he's airborne.

Before he can even scratch his nuts, my stomach fills with water and I compress it. It rises up through my esophagus, into my mouth – shit I pay WAY too much attention to detail.

I fire off a water bullet, aimed for his heart. I make sure to shoot a bullet at where his heart would be if he tries veering off in any direction – six shots in all. Shirota manages to twist at the last second, taking three shots to his side and one snaps his elbow. He releases his sword, but doesn't pass out from the pain. A pity, it might have saved his life.

The second he hits the ground, the ground retaliates. A pillar of earth shoots up, slamming its victim into the ceiling. A wet squishy sound announces Shirota's fate – no substitution gives off that sound.

All in all, not the most impressive battle. Still, it's my first against another shinobi. We didn't need to use the full strategy, not that I would have risked either of them for that.

"Daichi, drop the pillar and let me confirm the kill." I say, not really in the mood to see gore. Still, it's better I see it than force him to.

"Your patient awaits." Daichi replies as he eases out from the ground. He really looks like a wraith moving up so slowly. "Go." He purposely keeps the pillar flush with the ceiling to prevent me from seeing his handiwork.

I humph, but make my way over to Karin. On a closer inspection, I notice she doesn't have a pouch anywhere in sight. Nor does she appear armed in any way. Odd. She's essentially in a warzone, but carries nothing with her? Whatever.

I sit at her side, flashing my hands through the required seals for a general diagnostic jutsu. I know she probably just has a broken jaw – I can see where the break is too – but I'd rather be cautious. Let's see. Heart's healthy and strong. Lungs are working optimally, but she seems to have an odd substance lining her left lung. Focus, Ai. Where are all the problems? Bruised ribs, hairline fracture in her femur, multiple contusions along her back? Hm… I guess she's been getting roughhoused quite a bit before this exam.

All in all, the worst injury is the broken jaw; which isn't even as bad as it looks. It'll be painful as hell though. I deal with the smaller injuries first, mostly to get them out of the way. Then I take my time resetting her jaw and 'gluing' the bone back together. It's only a temporary fix, but it's enough to let the bone heal on its own. I just need to make sure she doesn't aggravate the injury for a few weeks and she'll be fine.

I have just the ticket. It would have been nice to discuss it with her first, but she'll just have to bitch and moan about it afterward. I reach into my leg pouch and take out a single scroll. It rolls open easily enough, showing a simple storage seal. After doing the required handseals, I tap my hand in the center of the seal. A poof reveals another scroll – this one as tall as I am. I lay the new scroll next to Karin, by her feet, and unroll it, stopping just beyond her head. This is the fuuin Naruto-nii taught me; to transfer a prisoner. Well, a patient in this case.

**Tiger – Monkey – Bird – Rat – Bird – Rat – Tiger. Living Prisoner Transfer…**

The whole seal lights up, illuminating the area. From the swirl in the center of the fuuin, inky tendrils jump up and wrap around Karin's arms and legs. Once the seal is certain she's contained another tendril shoots out and wraps around her mouth, nose and ears. She's pulled into the seal and disappears in a puff of smoke.

**FUUIN!**

The light dies down and swirl morphs into the kanji for 'person'. Well, that takes care of that. "You guys ready?"

**_#-#_**

* * *

**_#-#_**

After a spectacularly non-epic battle, we poach the enemy's things for anything we find useful. The sword Shirota was using is sealed away, as is the collection of odd kanai the other guy had in his pouch. That's all they had that we wanted – or at least, all we got scrounge up without getting gory in the process. I make a mental note to raid the room they were staying; just in case Karin has things there she may want in the future.

I scan the area, making sure we're all alone, before scanning as far as my senses will allow. Naruto-nii's team is heading our way and closing fast. Jei's team isn't far behind them.

"Kouji, you want me to hold on the spoils?" I ask, satisfied that we're going to be at peace for a little while. He shrugs, making some non committal response. Yeah, I guess the adrenaline's wearing off – not a lot of fun to realize two people were just killed for no good reason.

"They'd have killed us without a second thought." I placate him as best I can, knowing what he's going through at the moment. The wild look in his eyes doesn't go anywhere though. He runs over to one side and spews his last meal – seeing how little and how digested it is, I'm guessing it's dinner.

I walk over to him, slowly. I make sure my footsteps are plainly audible too – no need in waking up some hyped up part of his brain and confuse him into thinking he's being attacked. "You did what you had to, Kouji." I say. "Nothing more."

I let my words sink in for a long moment, scanning the area to make sure only Naruto's and Jei's teams are incoming. "It never gets any easier, huh." It isn't a question.

"No, Kouji. It never does." I answer, placing my hand on his shoulder. "If it's any consolation, feeling bad shows how good you are." I think I'll drop by Iruka-sensei when I get back to Konoha. He really did help me during the Sound Invasion.

It isn't even a full minute later I see Naruto-nii's team enter our neck of the woods – sort of at least. Jei's team is hanging back for some reason though. Great, now they're pulling back entirely. Oh, I think they're moving towards Konohamaru's team.

"Ai, we've got to get moving." Nii-san announces. I turn to him and nod once, then turn back to Kouji – I still keep Daichi in the corner of my vision to make sure he's not just acting tough though. "I sent Jei to Konohamaru. I think they're about be the center of attention."

Time is of the essence in other words. I have half a mind to tell Nii-san about Karin, but he's probably got bigger issues on his brain at the moment; we kind of elected him as the leader of this expedition.

"Ji?" I ask carefully. He's still hunched over, but he isn't vomiting any more. He isn't trembling either.

"Can we actually stick to the plan this time?" He asks, a lopsided grin obvious in his voice. "It's fucking off, not sticking to the plan."

"Fine. Be a perfectionist then." I tease, smiling and rolling my eyes. I'm usually the one that makes them run through the whole strategy again because something wasn't done _just right_. He snorts, but says nothing otherwise. Sure, he still feels messed up beyond belief, but he's coping.

"Let's go then." He tries sounding upbeat, like his usually self. He stands up fully, almost testing his own body to see if it'll cooperate. I place my hand on his shoulder, offering a supportive squeeze to let him know I'm still here.

"Catch." Daichi throws a bottle of water to Kouji, most likely to wash out the bad taste in his mouth. He does his thing, and we hit the road. We've got another battle coming up. Only this time… this time…

"This time… it's war." Naruto mutters. I really don't like his tone.

**_#-#_**

* * *

**_#-#_**

Finding Jei and Konohamaru's teams was surprisingly easy; all we had to do was follow the sounds of battle. It actually explains why Jei was able to find us as quick as he did – not that his team is bad at tracking, mind you.

The clanging of blades, the rumble of earth jutsus being cast, the huff of fire jutsus. I can also feel chakra spikes lighting up the area ahead. The only real problem is that there's still a wall separating us. This is a good thing tactically. It just isn't very easy on the nerves.

Naruto-nii mumbles that Kosuke-san will make a door for us and that his team will engage while we stick to the shadows. A sound tactic. And one that I'm comfortable with. I'm not one to engage without more information; I'm not a frontline fighter after all.

A few handseals later, a hole just large enough for us to crawl through melts open. I don't know how Kosuke-san did it, and I'm in no position to ask. Naruto-nii's team makes their way through first, probably to make sure it's safe. Kouji is the next in line, and Daichi brings up the rear behind me. I roll my eyes at the obvious hint at me 'being guarded at all times'.

Once in the next 'room' the first thing I notice is that Konohamaru and Jei's teams are outnumbered two to one. Matsuri has two of the enemy trapped with Ame holding kunai to their throats. The others are trying to catch their breath while regrouping.

"Look, we don't want to spill any blood." Matsuri is doing all the talking, apparently not trusting the others to handle this. "If you all back off, we'll gladly release your teammates. We can all walk away from this." Stalling tactics. She knows we're here.

I motion to Kouji and Daichi that we're going in long range, leaving the head to head to the specialists in that field. I get two nods in return, so I start making my way upwards. . Long range is best executed with an altitude advantage"Even if you kill them, we still outnumber you. I'm calling your bluff." Whoever this is, isn't friendly. Not in the least. Unfortunately, it's too dark to make out much detail here. Still, I can pinpoint each person in the room.

Hell, I can even identify most of the enemy shinobi – the four teams from Iwa, minus team Oote. Curious. Why not team up with all five teams? Maybe they just hadn't gotten the opportunity? No, I know that Team Oote was quite near another Iwa team. They **chose** to do it this way. Fine. They have some kind of back up plan.

We make it to the ceiling just in time to see the end of the stalemate: Matsuri runs out of chakra. Well, at least these shinobi aren't cruel enough to knock out their own teammate, or leave them to their fate.

Shit, I didn't notice anything going on around me! I need to pay better attention! Okay, focus. Naruto's going to jump in and kick this guy in his face, tell him something totally awesome – or just out there; for some reason it's either totally cool or totally awkward – thereby drawing all attention to himself. Once that happens, Naruto and Konohamaru will charge into the fray – the suicide bombers. Jei will say something stupid, or just think it, and he'll charge too. Moegi and Udon will refuse to be left behind like that, so they'll be on their tails. Hmm, Kosuke-san is more experienced, so he'll hang back and offer support where it's needed. As for Fuki? She's too much like Naruto too sit this out, but she looks up to Kosuke-san so she might go either way.

Ame is smart enough to know that he'll need to guard Matsuri, but he might not be strong enough if it comes to that. I'll keep a keen eye on them just in case. "Ji, you focus on that group. Dai, you focus on that group." I mutter. I'd have preferred signing them, but frankly they wouldn't see any sign I make.

Just as I sense the duo skulking off, Naruto kicks contestant number one in the face. As the idiot rolls over to his buddies, knocking them down like pins and he's a bowling ball, Naruto takes – what he probably thinks is – a dramatic pose. I'm not too sure how dramatic you can look hunched over with your arms crossed and your fingers digging into the stone floor. "No one. Messes. With my precious people."

Damn. He may not be the coolest guy around, but when he's motivated he can scare the dead! I just shivered! And I'm on his side! The gallon a second killer intent he's pouring out might be the cause, but his voice certainly isn't ruining the décor!

"Konohamaru. Are you alright?" Naruto asks, standing up to his full height. I completely ignore the injured ego answering him. "Good. Then let's show these clowns what Konoha shinobi are made of." There's that eerie tone again. Jeez, it's like nails on the chalkboard!

Kono-chan whips out Eda, says something he must think is motivational to Udon and Moegi, and takes 'his rightful place' at Naruto-nii's side. If the situation wasn't serious, I'd puke from the fluff.

The enemy regroups. Four teams of three, grouped together as such. They survived a war? Yeah right! They should have formed a Centurion Block, it would have offered a better chance at countering whatever we could throw at them. Besides, nothing freaks someone out more than seeing a single entity with more arms, jutsu and blades that they do.

Naruto dashes forward, four blurs hot on his tail. Predictable. Fuki actually stays back with Kosuke-san – gotta give her a cookie for that later. Blondie reaches the first corpse, dodges the initial attack and counters with a knee to their solar plexus (an inch below the breast bone). The girl on his (the corpse's) right tries sticking a kunai between  
Naruto's eyes, but Konohamaru knocks her back with a kick to her knee and a staff to her neck – she'll feel that in the morning, if she's lucky.

The idiot on the corpse's left tries something stupid – is he trying to form handseals with Jei already swinging his tanbo at him? I don't even feel sorry for the snap and crack I hear from his now useless limbs. Lucky for him, he passed out.

The second and third teams try overwhelming Naruto and crew, while the forth team amble around the fight, trying to take out Ame and Matsuri. Yup, that's my cue.

I release my grip on the ceiling, freefalling down towards my targets. "AME!" Matsuri warns. Yeah, they're coming in fast, but I **see** them! Breathe girl, you'll hyperventilate.

With less than a meter between Ame and three incoming strikes, I unsheathe Tenshi, click her into snake form and slice downward with a light arc low and away from Ame. Seeing as I'm not aiming for the kill, I hit them with the blunt side. Still, I'm quite happy with the shocked cries I get from the 'stealth' 'killers'. Yeah, they're neither stealthy, nor very good killers. Sorry.

I look over at the fray, seeing Kouji dropping down on the last shinobi standing. Daichi didn't even have to do a thing – Naruto and Jei were over on his side. To be fair, Konohamaru is one hell of a shinobi, to hold his own with four to one odds. So I'll cut him some slack – assuming that the Kono-corps were fighting before Jei's team showed up. I'll just give him the benefit of the doubt for now.

"So. Who else wants some breakfast?" I chirp happily. What? I'm glad no one got killed! Well… no one I with a Konoha forehead protector. I'm pretty sure that chick's face isn't supposed to be that color…

**_#-#_**

* * *

**_#-#_**

Thank Kami-sama, we didn't have to fight anyone after the first hour. We did hear a lot of fighting, it just didn't concern us. I suppose we can thank our superior numbers for most of the peace.

Matsuri-chan still looks pretty pale from chakra fatigue. She almost literally gave it everything she had. Unfortunately, all I could do to help her was offering her an extra rations bar. I can't say if she was pleased or not, but I know I wouldn't have been. Chakra infusion is simply too dangerous – especially seeing as this isn't a life and death situation.

Team Hayama has the first watch, which kind of makes sense, seeing as we really didn't do all that much fighting. I actually prefer it this way too, seeing as I get a full six hours of sleep after this! SIX HOURS! How fucked up the field is, to be happy with six hours of uninterrupted slumber. Well, it better be 'uninterrupted'. I get down right nasty if someone interrupts a good dream!

I wish there was something interesting to say about the scenery, but grey and brown gets boring fast. Yup, gray stone walls and ceiling, and brown dirt floor – probably from the overabundance of earth jutsus over the years.

Psh. Everyone is asleep. Lucky bastards. I wanna sleep too! Well, just another two hours, forty minutes and twenty-four seconds to go. Yup. This'll be fun. Kouji's probably reliving his second kill – he admitted to only getting in a single kill back in the bandit camp before freaking out. Daichi got in quite a bit more, so he's reacting less to it. I guess he's kinda gotten partly numbed to it by now; not a fun thing to get used to.

I cast my senses about me, checking both close by and further off for anything out of the ordinary. One of the Kiri teams dropped off the map – not the one that first showed up. Team Oote is still carefully not running into us. One of the Kumo teams is getting frisky with the Hoshi team. The Suna team is pretty close by. Not close enough to worry about them, but close enough to keep a better eye on them. Crap, are two Kumo teams hashing it out? I hoped they'd team up against Iwa too. Oh well.

Naruto said that we'd start searching for the 'items' that each of our teams will need for the exam in the morning. I'm not really sure I care. The whole point of this exam is to force a set amount of teams to fail so that the others can more on the next portion. She did it with round one, I don't doubt for a second she'll do it again.

I think the more interesting thing to look out for at this point is Round Three. I won't have the guys looking out for me there. That's probably the exact part Naruto-nii questions if I can handle myself. I mean sure, during this exam he knew I'd have Kouji and Daichi – he'd taken an interest in their training after making it back to Konoha. Round three is one on one. No one to get in the way. No one to 'protect' me. Psh, he's worse than Ka-san ever was.

And he has backup too! Kosuke-san, Kouji, Daichi, Jei… hell even Matsuri is a bit hesitant to make strategies including me. I feel like I'm made of glass. Konohamaru at least knows I pack a punch; he's gotten enough bruises from our spars.

It's frustrating! Infuriating even! I mean, how come I get to put up with the bullshit of a kunoichi, all the responsibilities of a shinobi of Konoha… and still get treated like a dainty little waif? You know what? I'll just have to show them how tough this kunoichi really is! Nothing stupid, mind you. No, that'll give them the ammunition they need to lock me away in an ivory tower somewhere. I need to show a tactical prowess that Matsuri would respect, speed Jei would respect and power that Naruto-nii would respect.

That's a tall ass order. Why me?

_**#-#**_

* * *

_**#-#**_

Wake up. Team meeting in less than five minutes – Naruto-nii is really hamming up the war-time preparations. De-ugly myself – bed hair is no fun for any kunoichi, and that icky stuff in my eyes is too gross for words! Breakfast.

"Alright, while you guys stuff your faces I'll give you a rundown of today's agenda. Kosuke and I have been comparing all the maps and have come up with a strategy." He pauses, gauging how awake we all are. "We will be tracking down these items together. However, the team whose item we're tracking down is in charge of the fighting."

"What's that mean?" Konohamaru piped up. Jeez, it's plain as day what he means! This way he can put in a report to Ka-san which team is self-sufficient, while exposing us to minimal danger.

"It means we won't fight your battles for you, but we'll bail you out if you get in over your head." Nii-san clarifies. I just roll my eyes, taking another bite of the shall-remain-nameless-cardboard-tasting-item-in-my -hand. "This is an exam to see what you're capable of. So I want to give each of you that chance. I will warn you though: if I'm not convinced that you are capable I will forfeit you from this exam."

Saw that coming. Well, at least he's been fair about it.

"First up, we go for Konohamaru's. His is the closest. After that is Jei's, then mine. Last is Ai's, seeing as hers is the furthest. I want each item in possession by the end of the day. Understood?"

We left less than a minute later. True to design, Konohamaru's team was up front. Don't ask me where we were going; not only didn't I have the map, but I probably wouldn't be able to tell my ass from my elbow on it if I did. We didn't run into any teams most of the way either. If I didn't know any better, I'd start to think that the teams were avoiding us.

We enter a large cavern, make our way through it, take a random exit to the back of it. Make our way further. Seriously, this is just tedious. "There it is!" Kono-chan announces. He makes a shadow clone, sends it to grab an indiscriminate bag hanging from the ceiling and checks the contents. It's another map as far as I can tell.

"Tag! You're it, Jei!" Stealth just isn't in Konohamaru's vocabulary. Yeah, we start moving again in another random direction. Jei's in the lead this time. He keeps looking at Ame and from time to time he asks Matte-chan what her take on the situation is. Nothing all that spectacular.

We once again find another bag without incident. Boring, but boring is a good thing in this case. Naruto-nii announces that he'd already sent a shadow clone to get his item – who takes that exact moment to pop out of the wood work. How the hell does that boy move around without me noticing a thing? "So, Ai. It's on you." Nii-san tosses me a map.

"Alright. Daichi, figure this thing out." The map goes to him. I'll never pretend to understand heads or tails with those things. "Kouji, are you ready?" Kouji's eyes glaze over for a second, but he nods.

"Alright. Ji, you're my shadow. Dai, you're on point. Too much baggage to go dark, so we have to pull a Konohamaru. Questions?" Non-stealth in other words. It'd be pointless to pretend that we can sneak around with these guys with us. I mean, we've been running around all day anyway.

"Battle tactics?" Daichi asks.

"Long range. I'll give you a heads up before each fight which tactic we'll use." That's all I needed to say. And Daichi seemed to find a route he liked, so we headed out. I'll be honest, it was weird not shunshinning like we had the Shinigami on our heels.

Through a cavern again, through a side alley, through this, through that. We kept going, and going. I kept a keep eye on where everyone was. And unfortunately, with all the not-fighting going on all day… yeah, our luck happened to run out on our watch. Not sure how I feel about that.

**#Fighting, next cavern. Kiri team, Kumo team.#** I warn the guys. **#We wait.#** If they're fighting, there's no need to get involved. We gain nothing by fighting – as tempted as I am to prove that I can.

**#Way around. Lead?#** Daichi is too beautiful for words sometimes.

**#Lead.#** Instead of continuing straight ahead, Daichi leads us over to the left. It's a smaller tunnel I probably wouldn't have trusted in any other case, but it takes us where we need to go; I guess. I'm not into micromanaging, so I'll just follow where Daichi takes us.

#Incoming!# The Hoshi team found us. "I know you're there." I give the heads up, just in case we can talk our way out of this. I really don't want to. I really REALLY want to show that I can handle myself. Still, this is the most logical way to deal with the situation.

"Senju Ai of Konoha." The kunoichi of the group walks out of the shadows. She has two guys flanking her, but what strikes me most is the respect I see in her eyes. She's a bit on the tall side, around Naruto-nii's age. She's dressed in standard kunoichi gear, as are her companions – well, they have standard shinobi gear. On a whole, I see nothing special about them. "It is an honor to meet you and yours."

"I would say the feeling is mutual, if I understood your intentions." I tell her honestly. She's standing at full attention, not in the least bit threatening. Her brown hair and black eyes give little to nothing away, but I sense a debt somehow; she feels she owes something to us. I can't really explain it better than that.

"We pose no threat. We have already collected our item and we have already found our way out." She tells us evenly. I feel like I should know this girl, like she is somehow important. "I am Hokuto of the Star. And we owe your mother much, Ai. I know that helping will you here will not even begin to repay that debt, but I would be honored if you allow us to help anyway."

Great, more allies. Why am I getting nothing but allies during this exam? Maybe I shouldn't have messed with Iwa and Oto the way I did? At least I'd get the enemies I need to prove I can handle myself in combat.

"I appreciate your situation, Hotaru. However, as you can see we are in no need of immediate aid." I tell her politically – no point in pissing off a possible friend. "I would be honored to face you in the coming exam though." This is sooo not helping me prove anything!

"As would I. We will take our leave then." She and her companions bow. "See ya, Naruto-kun!" Huh? Talk about a one-eighty. How come I get the political and polite, while he gets warm and friendly? That shit isn't fair!

"See you in the next round, Hotaru-chan!" Humph. So not right!

**_#-#_**

* * *

**_#-#_**

We make it to our item, I send a shadow clone to check to make sure it's the one we need. And guess what? Not a single fight! We meet up with the Kiri team, who were 'honored to meet you, Senju Ai'. The teams from the land of Spring and the land of Greens… same thing. Who the hell are these people?!

Anyway, once we had what we needed, we headed out. Naruto-nii took the lead and we made it to our destination in less than an hour. It was FRUSTRATING AS HELL! I mean, who the hell meets you in an exam, tells you they are honored to meet you and lets you go without so much as throwing a kunai at you?! What the fuck did they bother getting in the way for then?!

FRUSTRATING!

"Jeez, did I make this test too easy?" The proctor asks the second we arrive. YES YOU DID! Bitch.

I look around, choosing to ignore her. It's a pretty large cavern. Huge in fact. There is a table over to one side with food and beverages and the like, a tent over to another side with what looks like the Iryou-nin symbol on it – medic tent, I guess. Over in the back, on all on its lonesome, is what I guess to be a make-shift toiletry tent.

There are actually some torches here and there, lending the whole cavern an eerie-ish glow. Nothing quite compares to the first impression the 'cloudy pasture' made with the death oozing boney gate. "Well, you've got another four days. Just make camp over there or something."

She goes on, mumbling about something or the other. I don't really give a fuck. I didn't get a single chance to prove that I can hold my own! Not one! Fucking hell!

Fuck it, not worth the brain cells. "Daichi, we're setting up camp. Tell Kouji to behave." They exchange a look, a troubled one judging from their chakra. Yes, I'm being a bitch and you don't deserve it. Sorry, guys. I try smiling at them, hoping to show how sorry I truly am. I doubt it helps though.

"Ai, you need a spar?" Kouji offers. What the hell are you talking about? It won't help prove anything. It won't show Nii-san anything. It won't do anything I was hoping to accomplish today. "It'll help you work off the tension."

Th… tha… "Fine."

"Nu-uh! No fighting until I give the green light! ~Sorry darlings~." The bitch puts in her two cents. I snarl at her. I seriously snarl! Just when I think things will finally start looking up! FUCKING HELL!

**_End Chapter 21_**

**_#-#_**

* * *

**_#-#_**

**_A/N: An upset kunoichi with something to prove? Why do I get the impression this won't end well? And seriously, what's with the supreme overprotectiveness going on? They let her into the Chuunin exams knowing the risks, and NOW they have a problem with it? Hmm… am I the only one that thinks something stinks?_**

**_I will be updating this chapter when Elivira gets back to me - she's really busy, sorry that she has a life ;) But I figure some people would like to see this chapter before then._**

_**A/N 2: I would just like to take a second to publicly ask what some of my readers have been smoking. The flames I've been getting lately is really starting to make me wonder what in the hell is wrong with some of you (to whom to shoe fits)! You don't like my writing, fine. It's up to you to like or not like. But to waste yours and my time to write a review saying stupid shit like 'I stopped halfway through'? I thought the review panel was at the bottom of the screen.**_

_**Just to set the record straight, I have no issues with flames. In fact I can usually pick out what's useful in them and still better my writing accordingly. What I have no use for, is people telling me I suck with no further explanation. Sorry, that's being a prick and will be getting thoroughly ignored. The only reason I'm even bringing this up (this was reviewed a few chapters back and on chapter 1) is because I had been holding out on the hope that the reviewer would respond to my PM asking for clarification. Seeing as this has yet to happen, I'll go out on a limb and assume that it was a straight up flame.**_

_**Stupid question... who reads 20+ chapters of a story they hate? Is that determination to complete something they started? Is that jealousy? Did they buy bad cocaine and needed to take it out on someone? If you don't like my writing or my story, fine. If you want to tell me about it, great. But please say something I can use - turning a 'flame' into constructive criticism - something I can ACTUALLY USE. **_

_**This concludes my troll feeding session. Have a nice day (^.^)**_


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